Depression is (not) funny | Nishaant Pandita | TEDxSouthPasadenaHigh

This talk was given at a TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences.

Are we addicted to happiness? Nishaant describes how depression has impacted his way of life and how it affects people on a mental and social level.

Nishaant is a high school graduate from South Pasadena High School. He was president of the Across The Pond Culture Club and was on the 2014-15 JV Cross Country team. He's been diagnosed with depression and is passionate in sharing his ideas about his condition.

Depression is not funny,

but I will make light of it.

Suicide is not funny,

but I will joke about it.

Hopelessness is not funny,

but I haven't thought
about one for that one.

I will try, though.

My name is Nishaant Pandita,
and I suffer from depression.

But you wouldn't be able to tell
if you saw me walking on the street.

You'd just look at me and just be, like,

that's just some nerd
with a skip in his step,

and a stupidly catchy pop song
stuck in his head.

But I'm not doing that because I'm happy.

I'm not going to clap along,

because I'd feel like a room
without a roof.

I'm not happy, and I do know it.

And it's not-- I'm not doing these things,

I don't talk to my friends, fool around,

make dumb noises,
make silly sound effects,

I don't do that because I'm happy.

I do it because I am
addicted to happiness.

Whew! Strong statement, epic pause,
speak to your own greatness.

And so, addicted to happiness.

It means that I have
a need to remain happy.

I chase, and I sacrifice

my own sanity and time
just to remain happy,

because I'm scared about
what will happen if I was depressed,

if I was sad.

And being in that sort of position
made me realize

a lot of things about myself
and depression.

And I learned that depression

is not sitting in a dark room,
wearing all black,

and cutting yourself
while listening to grunge music.

It's not that.

It's something far more deep and sinister.

It's strange, and it's evil,
and it alters your emotions.

And it's not just sadness.

Anger, being angry, generates adrenaline.

And that adrenaline gives
you a sense of power

which can stimulate your pleasure sense,

which is usually numbed by depression.

And so, other people
have become very irritable,

like, depressed people
become very irritable,

and they lash out in anger,
and they get angry all the time.

And I've experience this, too.

I've gotten into screaming
fights with my sister.

I've run outside
and, like, yelled at the world.

And it's scary.

But there's even more strangeness.

Depression can make you happy, sort of.

It's the depression,
it's called the mania.

It's when you are so sad
and deeply disturbed,

you can do nothing else but smile.

And if I hadn't gotten help,

I would just be there, a whole person,

just with a disturbed smile on my face.

And that is strange, that is frightening.

It's something you don't think about
when you think about depression.

You think sadness.

But then, that sadness is not a bad thing.

Sadness is an uncomfortable emotion, yes,

but it gives us a feeling of weakness.

It gives us, instead of being
at the podium we place ourselves on,

we are at the bottom.

It gives us a view from the bottom,

and we look up and see
other people's achievements,

and see other people's sorrow,

and we feel empathy because of sadness.

You can never truly be happy
unless you've been sad at least once.

And this sadness
that comes with depression

can also creatively inspire you.

J.R.R. Tolkien, the author
of The Lord of the Rings series,

suffered from severe depression and PTSD
after his tour during WWI.

And to escape his feeling of loneliness,
and hatred, and sadness,

he created a beautiful world
inside his own mind.

A journey, an adventure,
characters who were relatable,

who had problems, who were flawed.

And he created this world,
and it was so beautiful, and so creative,

and it's so vast in its scale

that he was able to recover.

He was able to become more
than what his depression was.

And me personally, my depression

has helped me realize
that I am a better writer.

It's helped me create characters
and storylines that are interesting,

that are-- that have relatability.

And it's funny.

I have, like, found my path.

Like, to what I am going to do in my life,
and my major, and what job I will get

because of depression,

although I can't really recommend
that as a healthy way,

a healthy way of finding your path.

But there is-- it is a disease.

It is negative.

Fifty percent of all suicides
reported around the world

have been caused by depressive disorders.

That statistic goes to 75%
if you include alcoholism,

which is usually a very common
side effect of depression.

Those people aren't weak.

Those people aren't cowards.

They weren't emotionally hampered.

They were just in a bad place.

They felt like they had no other escape

except one that you can't come back from.

It's sort of like if you were raised
in a bad neighborhood.

If you were raised in a bad neighborhood
you have a higher chance

of committing crimes
and going out and joining a gang.

And being in a bad mental neighborhood,

in a situation of stress and anger,

it changes your behavior,

it changes how your brain
responds to stimuli.

Now I'm not saying your brain
is going to buy a leather jacket

and start snapping
as he crosses the street,

but I am saying that being
in that sort of dangerous situation,

a stressful environment,

one that's full of anger,
and yelling, and noise,

doesn't only feel bad,
it also is bad for you.

Being a teenager and having depression

means that as an adult
I will have a weakened immune system.

And because of the attacks
that depression has put

upon my pleasure center and my endorphins,

it means that I am at high risk

for substance abuse
and addictive behavior.

That's something
that's beyond just emotion.

It's a real disease,

and being a real disease,
it is actually curable.

With this, to find the cure,

you have to first find it within yourself.

You realize that what you're doing,
what environment you're in,

whatever you feel is negative,
this is a bad thing,

that you're feeling depressed,
that you're not enjoying life.

It's not-- when I felt
like I had to need a treatment,

I had to step away from my notion
of I was addicted to happiness.

I just wanted to be happy all the time.

Because everyone wants that.

I had to realize
that I was not chasing happiness.

I was running away from sorrow.

Once you realize you have this problem,

that you have this,

and a lot of people do,

three million people in the US
suffer from depression.

And those are the only ones
that have been noted down.

It could spread far and wide.

All the people I asked
to help me with my speech,

they always said,
"Oh, my uncle had depression."

"My aunt had depression."

"My parents used to have depression."

And it was strange to me
because it's curable.

You're able to put in this effort.

You're supposed to find it
within yourself,

and it's very hard without support.

You have to talk to someone.

You have to, as a depressed person,
you have to make sure

that people know, you have to talk
to your friends, your family.

And even if they don't want to listen,
there are places on the Internet.

There are people who are paid
to stay up 24 hours to listen to you.

To make sure
that you have someone to talk to.

And with that, with that support,

you can move on to more steps.

You can move on to curing yourself,

to getting help.

Going to a psychiatrist,
going to a psychologist,

having them talk to you,

and getting your feelings out there,
finding root causes.

Even if you are very far gone,

if you are very, like,
encapsulated with yourself,

antidepressants can help.

They are not just
for grizzled action heroes.

They are there, they are drugs,
and they can be--

they aren't chemically addictive,

but you can get addicted
to them with your own behavior.

You have to use it with moderation.

You have to feel it, you have to make sure

that you stay on the path
that can get you cured.

And for those of you,
because a lot of you are not depressed,

- a lot of you may know someone
who is depressed,

but a lot of you may know someone -

and you're wondering what to do,
because you may have gone up to them

and said, "Oh it's OK, you'll get
stronger, this moment will pass.

You will feel like,
eventually, this will pass."

And that's not really very helpful
for a depressed person.

Because they don't see that.

They don't feel that sort of comfort.

And what you have to do to encourage
their own growth as a person,

what you want to do is
you want to encourage them

to turn their depression
into something beautiful.

You have to encourage them to go
into arts, to write something.

Even if they're not very good at writing,
even if they're not very good at art.

They have to put it outside
so that it isn't sitting inside.

And you have to make sure
that they're able to be heard.

That someone is there to hear them.

Either the canvas on the piece of paper

or the Kaiser employee
in the middle of the night.

Because your life is more valuable
than that bottle full of medication.

It's more valuable
than the bullet in that gun.

And for me, it was more valuable
than that tub full of water

that I had attempted to drown myself in.

Because depression is just a disease.

It is not weakness.

It is not cowardice.

It is not a genetic deformity.

And it is curable.

And it is not funny.

Thank you.

(Applause)