What six years in captivity taught me about fear and faith
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0:02 - 0:03The first time
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0:04 - 0:05I felt fear
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0:06 - 0:07I was 41 years old.
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0:09 - 0:11People have always said I was brave.
-
0:12 - 0:14When I was little,
I'd climb the highest tree, -
0:14 - 0:17and I'd approach any animal fearlessly.
-
0:18 - 0:20I liked challenges.
-
0:20 - 0:22My father used to say,
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0:23 - 0:27"Good steel can withstand
any temperature." -
0:28 - 0:31And when I entered into
Colombian politics, -
0:32 - 0:35I thought I'd be able
to withstand any temperature. -
0:35 - 0:37I wanted to end corruption;
-
0:37 - 0:41I wanted to cut ties between politicians
and drug traffickers. -
0:41 - 0:44The first time I was elected,
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0:44 - 0:47it was because I called out, by name,
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0:47 - 0:50corrupt and untouchable politicians.
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0:50 - 0:53I also called out the president
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0:54 - 0:56for his ties to the cartels.
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0:58 - 1:00That's when the threats started.
-
1:01 - 1:06I had to send my very young children
out of the country one morning, -
1:06 - 1:10hidden, all the way to the airport,
in the French ambassador's armored car. -
1:11 - 1:12Days later,
-
1:13 - 1:16I was the victim of an attack,
but emerged unharmed. -
1:17 - 1:18The following year,
-
1:19 - 1:23the Colombian people elected me
with the highest number of votes. -
1:24 - 1:27I thought people applauded me
because I was brave. -
1:28 - 1:31I, too, thought I was brave.
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1:31 - 1:33But I wasn't.
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1:35 - 1:38I had simply never before experienced
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1:39 - 1:41true fear.
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1:43 - 1:44That changed
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1:45 - 1:48on February 23, 2002.
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1:49 - 1:53At the time, I was a presidential
candidate in Colombia -
1:53 - 1:57promoting my campaign agenda,
-
1:57 - 2:00when I was detained
by a group of armed men. -
2:00 - 2:03They were wearing uniforms
with military garments. -
2:05 - 2:07I looked at their boots; they were rubber.
-
2:07 - 2:09And I knew
-
2:09 - 2:11that the Colombian army
wore leather boots. -
2:12 - 2:16I knew that these were FARC guerrillas.
-
2:16 - 2:19From that point on,
everything happened very quickly. -
2:22 - 2:25The commando leader ordered us
to stop the vehicle. -
2:26 - 2:30Meanwhile, one of his men
stepped on an antipersonnel mine -
2:31 - 2:33and flew through the air.
-
2:34 - 2:36He landed, sitting upright,
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2:36 - 2:38right in front of me.
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2:38 - 2:40We made eye contact
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2:41 - 2:43and it was then
that the young man understood: -
2:44 - 2:47his rubber boot with his leg still in it
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2:47 - 2:48had landed far away.
-
2:50 - 2:51(Sighs)
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2:53 - 2:54He started
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2:57 - 2:59screaming like crazy.
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3:01 - 3:02And the truth is,
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3:03 - 3:09I felt -- as I feel right now,
because I'm reliving these emotions -- -
3:09 - 3:13I felt at that moment
that something inside of me was breaking -
3:14 - 3:17and that I was being infected
with his fear. -
3:17 - 3:20My mind went blank and couldn't think;
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3:20 - 3:21it was paralyzed.
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3:21 - 3:23When I finally reacted,
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3:25 - 3:27I said to myself,
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3:27 - 3:28"They're going to kill me,
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3:29 - 3:32and I didn't say goodbye to my children."
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3:35 - 3:39As they took me into
the deepest depths of the jungle, -
3:41 - 3:43the FARC soldiers announced
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3:43 - 3:45that if the government didn't negotiate,
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3:47 - 3:48they'd kill me.
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3:49 - 3:51And I knew
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3:51 - 3:55that the government wouldn't negotiate.
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3:56 - 3:57From that point on,
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3:58 - 4:01I went to sleep in fear every night --
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4:01 - 4:03cold sweats,
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4:03 - 4:05shaking,
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4:05 - 4:07stomach ache,
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4:07 - 4:09insomnia.
-
4:10 - 4:13But worse than that
was what was happening to my mind, -
4:13 - 4:17because my memory was being erased:
all the phone numbers, -
4:17 - 4:19addresses,
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4:19 - 4:21names of very dear people,
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4:21 - 4:24even significant life events.
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4:27 - 4:28And so,
-
4:29 - 4:32I began to doubt myself,
to doubt my mental health. -
4:33 - 4:36And with doubt came desperation,
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4:37 - 4:39and with desperation came depression.
-
4:40 - 4:43I was suffering notorious
behavioral changes -
4:43 - 4:46and it wasn't just paranoia
in moments of panic. -
4:47 - 4:50It was distrust,
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4:51 - 4:52it was hatred,
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4:53 - 4:55and it was also the urge to kill.
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4:56 - 4:58This, I realized
-
4:58 - 5:03when they had me
chained by the neck to a tree. -
5:04 - 5:07They kept me outside that day,
-
5:08 - 5:10during a tropical downpour.
-
5:11 - 5:17I remember feeling an urgent need
to use the bathroom. -
5:21 - 5:23"Whatever you have to do,
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5:25 - 5:27you'll do in front of me,
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5:32 - 5:33bitch,"
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5:39 - 5:41the guard screamed at me.
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5:49 - 5:50And I
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5:53 - 5:56decided at that moment
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6:05 - 6:06to kill him.
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6:10 - 6:13And for days,
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6:15 - 6:19I was planning, trying to find
the right moment, the right way to do it, -
6:19 - 6:20filled with hatred,
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6:20 - 6:21filled with fear.
-
6:22 - 6:24Then suddenly,
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6:24 - 6:25I rose up,
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6:25 - 6:27snapped out of it
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6:27 - 6:29and thought:
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6:30 - 6:32"I'm not going to become one of them.
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6:32 - 6:34I'm not going to become an assassin.
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6:35 - 6:39I still have enough freedom
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6:41 - 6:42to decide
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6:44 - 6:45who I want to be."
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6:48 - 6:50That's when I learned that fear
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6:52 - 6:54brought me face to face with myself.
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6:55 - 6:56It forced me
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6:57 - 7:00to align my energies,
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7:00 - 7:02to align my meridians.
-
7:04 - 7:06I learned that facing fear
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7:08 - 7:11could become a pathway to growth.
-
7:14 - 7:16A lot of emotions arise
when I talk about all of this, -
7:17 - 7:19but when I think back,
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7:21 - 7:22I'm able to identify
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7:23 - 7:26the steps I took to do it.
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7:26 - 7:30I want to share three of them with you.
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7:30 - 7:32The first
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7:34 - 7:36was to be guided by principles.
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7:37 - 7:38Because I realized
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7:38 - 7:41that in the midst of panic
and mental block, -
7:41 - 7:45if I followed my principles,
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7:45 - 7:46I acted correctly.
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7:48 - 7:52I remember the first night
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7:52 - 7:55in a concentration camp
that the guerrillas had built -
7:56 - 7:57in the middle of the jungle,
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7:58 - 8:01with 12-foot-high bars,
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8:01 - 8:03barbed wire,
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8:03 - 8:05lookouts in the four corners
-
8:05 - 8:08and armed men pointing
guns at us 24 hours a day. -
8:09 - 8:12That morning, the first morning,
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8:13 - 8:16some men arrived, yelling:
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8:16 - 8:17"Count off! Count off!"
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8:19 - 8:23My fellow hostages woke up, startled,
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8:23 - 8:26and began to identify themselves
in numbered sequence. -
8:27 - 8:28But when it was my turn,
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8:30 - 8:31I said,
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8:32 - 8:33"Ingrid Betancourt.
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8:33 - 8:36If you want to know if I'm here,
call me by my name." -
8:38 - 8:40The guards' fury
-
8:41 - 8:43was nothing compared
to that of the other hostages, -
8:44 - 8:47because, obviously they were scared --
-
8:47 - 8:49we were all scared --
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8:49 - 8:52and they were afraid that, because of me,
they would be punished. -
8:53 - 8:54But for me,
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8:54 - 9:01beyond fear was the need
to defend my identity, -
9:01 - 9:04to not let them turn me into
a thing or a number. -
9:04 - 9:06That was one of the principles:
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9:06 - 9:08to defend
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9:10 - 9:12what I considered to be human dignity.
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9:13 - 9:15But make no mistake:
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9:15 - 9:17the guerrillas had it all
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9:19 - 9:20very well analyzed --
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9:20 - 9:23they had been kidnapping for years,
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9:23 - 9:26and they had developed a technique
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9:27 - 9:29to break us,
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9:29 - 9:30to defeat us, to divide us.
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9:31 - 9:32And so,
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9:33 - 9:35the second step
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9:36 - 9:39was to learn how to build
supportive trust, -
9:39 - 9:42to learn how to unite.
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9:43 - 9:47The jungle is like a different planet.
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9:48 - 9:50It's a world
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9:52 - 9:55of shadows, of rain,
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9:56 - 10:01with the hum of millions of bugs --
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10:01 - 10:03majiña ants, bullet ants.
-
10:04 - 10:07I didn't stop scratching a single day
while I was in the jungle. -
10:09 - 10:14And of course, there were tarantulas,
scorpions, anacondas ... -
10:14 - 10:18I once came face to face
with a 24-foot long anaconda -
10:18 - 10:20that could have swallowed me in one bite.
-
10:20 - 10:21Jaguars ...
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10:22 - 10:24But I want to tell you
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10:24 - 10:28that none of these animals
did us as much harm -
10:29 - 10:30as the human beings.
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10:35 - 10:37The guerrillas terrorized us.
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10:38 - 10:41They spread rumors.
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10:42 - 10:45Among the hostages,
they sparked betrayals, -
10:45 - 10:47jealousy,
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10:47 - 10:49resentment,
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10:49 - 10:51mistrust.
-
10:52 - 10:58The first time I escaped
for a long time was with Lucho. -
10:58 - 11:01Lucho had been a hostage
for two years longer than I had. -
11:02 - 11:05We decided to tie ourselves up
-
11:06 - 11:07with ropes
-
11:07 - 11:12to have the strength
to lower ourselves into that dark water -
11:12 - 11:15full of piranhas and alligators.
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11:16 - 11:21What we did was, during the day,
we would hide in the mangroves. -
11:22 - 11:24And at night,
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11:24 - 11:26we would leave, get in the water,
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11:27 - 11:30and we would swim
and let the current carry us. -
11:31 - 11:33That went on for several days.
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11:34 - 11:36But Lucho
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11:37 - 11:39became sick.
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11:39 - 11:40He was diabetic,
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11:41 - 11:42and he fell into a diabetic coma.
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11:43 - 11:48So the guerrillas captured us.
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11:49 - 11:52But after having lived
through that with Lucho, -
11:53 - 11:56after having faced fear together, united,
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11:57 - 12:00not punishment, not violence -- nothing --
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12:01 - 12:04could ever again divide us.
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12:07 - 12:09What's certain is,
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12:09 - 12:13all the guerrillas' manipulation
was so damaging to us -
12:14 - 12:16that even today,
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12:17 - 12:19among some of the hostages
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12:21 - 12:22from back then,
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12:24 - 12:25tensions linger,
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12:26 - 12:30passed down from all that poison
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12:32 - 12:34that the guerrillas created.
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12:36 - 12:37The third step
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12:39 - 12:41is very important to me,
-
12:41 - 12:43and it's a gift
that I want to give to you. -
12:44 - 12:49The third step is to learn
how to develop faith. -
12:51 - 12:55I want to explain it like this:
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12:56 - 12:57Jhon Frank Pinchao
-
12:58 - 13:00was a police officer
-
13:00 - 13:03who had been a hostage
for more than eight years. -
13:04 - 13:07He was famous for being
the biggest scaredy-cat of us all. -
13:10 - 13:13But Pincho -- I called him "Pincho" --
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13:13 - 13:18Pincho decided that he wanted to escape.
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13:18 - 13:20And he asked me to help him.
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13:20 - 13:23By that point, I basically had
a master's degree in escape attempts. -
13:23 - 13:25(Laughter)
-
13:25 - 13:26So
-
13:28 - 13:30we got started but we had a delay,
-
13:30 - 13:33because first, Pincho
had to learn how to swim. -
13:33 - 13:38And we had to carry out
all these preparations in total secrecy. -
13:39 - 13:42Anyway, when we finally
had everything ready, -
13:42 - 13:47Pincho came up to me
one afternoon and said, -
13:47 - 13:50"Ingrid, suppose I'm in the jungle,
-
13:50 - 13:53and I go around and around in circles,
and I can't find the way out. -
13:53 - 13:55What do I do?"
-
13:56 - 13:57"Pincho,
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13:59 - 14:00you grab a phone,
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14:01 - 14:03and you call the man upstairs."
-
14:04 - 14:07"Ingrid, you know I don't believe in God."
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14:12 - 14:14"God doesn't care. He'll still help you."
-
14:17 - 14:20(Applause)
-
14:24 - 14:26It rained all night that night.
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14:27 - 14:29The following morning,
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14:30 - 14:32the camp woke up to a big commotion,
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14:32 - 14:35because Pincho had fled.
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14:35 - 14:37They made us dismantle the camp,
and we started marching. -
14:38 - 14:39During the march,
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14:40 - 14:45the head guerrillas told us
that Pincho had died, -
14:45 - 14:48and that they had found his remains
-
14:48 - 14:50eaten by an anaconda.
-
14:53 - 14:54Seventeen days passed --
-
14:54 - 15:00and believe me, I counted them,
because they were torture for me. -
15:02 - 15:04But on the seventeenth day,
-
15:06 - 15:08the news exploded from the radio:
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15:08 - 15:11Pincho was free and obviously alive.
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15:12 - 15:16And this was the first thing he said:
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15:17 - 15:19"I know my fellow hostages are listening.
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15:20 - 15:21Ingrid,
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15:21 - 15:23I did what you told me.
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15:23 - 15:25I called the man upstairs,
-
15:25 - 15:28and he sent me the patrol
that rescued me from the jungle." -
15:31 - 15:34That was an extraordinary moment,
-
15:35 - 15:36because ...
-
15:36 - 15:38obviously fear is contagious.
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15:39 - 15:40But faith is, too.
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15:40 - 15:43Faith isn't rational or emotional.
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15:44 - 15:45Faith
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15:46 - 15:49is an exercise of the will.
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15:49 - 15:52It's the discipline of the will.
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15:52 - 15:56It's what allows us to transform
everything that we are -- -
15:56 - 15:58our weaknesses, our frailties,
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15:58 - 16:00into strength, into power.
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16:00 - 16:02It's truly a transformation.
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16:03 - 16:06It's what gives us the strength
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16:06 - 16:07to stand up
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16:08 - 16:10in the face of fear
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16:11 - 16:12look above it,
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16:12 - 16:14and see beyond it.
-
16:16 - 16:18I hope you remember that,
-
16:20 - 16:22because I know we all need
-
16:23 - 16:26to connect with that strength
we have inside of us -
16:26 - 16:31for the times when there's a storm
raging around our boat. -
16:31 - 16:36Many, many, many, many years passed
-
16:38 - 16:42before I could return to my house.
-
16:44 - 16:49But when they took us, handcuffed,
into the helicopter -
16:49 - 16:51that finally took us out of the jungle,
-
16:51 - 16:54everything happened as quickly
as when they kidnapped me. -
16:56 - 16:58In an instant,
-
16:58 - 17:02I saw the guerrilla commander at my feet,
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17:02 - 17:03gagged,
-
17:04 - 17:06and the rescue leader,
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17:07 - 17:08yelling:
-
17:09 - 17:13"We're the Colombian army!
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17:13 - 17:15You are free!"
-
17:16 - 17:18The shriek
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17:19 - 17:21that came out of all of us
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17:21 - 17:23when we regained our freedom,
-
17:23 - 17:28continues to vibrate in me to this day.
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17:30 - 17:31Now,
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17:33 - 17:36I know they can divide all of us,
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17:36 - 17:38they can manipulate us all with fear.
-
17:41 - 17:45The "No" vote on the peace
referendum in Colombia; -
17:45 - 17:47Brexit;
-
17:47 - 17:51the idea of a wall
between Mexico and the United States; -
17:51 - 17:53Islamic terrorism --
-
17:53 - 17:57they're all examples
of using fear politically -
17:58 - 18:01to divide and recruit us.
-
18:02 - 18:04We all feel fear.
-
18:05 - 18:08But we can all avoid being recruited
-
18:09 - 18:15using the resources we have --
our principles, unity, faith. -
18:16 - 18:19Yes, fear is part of the human condition,
-
18:19 - 18:23as well as being necessary for survival.
-
18:23 - 18:25But above all,
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18:25 - 18:30it's the guide by which each of us builds
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18:31 - 18:34our identity, our personality.
-
18:37 - 18:44It's true, I was 41 years old
the first time I felt fear, -
18:44 - 18:47and feeling fear was not my decision.
-
18:48 - 18:53But it was my decision
what to do with that fear. -
18:55 - 18:59You can survive
-
19:00 - 19:02crawling along, fearful.
-
19:03 - 19:05But you can also
-
19:06 - 19:09rise above the fear,
-
19:09 - 19:11rise up, spread your wings,
-
19:11 - 19:16and soar, fly high, high, high, high,
until you reach the stars, -
19:16 - 19:19where all of us want to go.
-
19:22 - 19:23Thank you.
-
19:23 - 19:27(Applause)
- Title:
- What six years in captivity taught me about fear and faith
- Speaker:
- Ingrid Betancourt
- Description:
-
In 2002, the Colombian guerilla movement known as the FARC (Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia) kidnapped Ingrid Betancourt in the middle of her presidential campaign. For the next six years, Betancourt was held hostage in jungle prison camps where she was ravaged by malaria, fleas, hunger and human cruelty until her rescue by the Colombian government. In this deeply personal talk, the politician turned writer explains what it's like to live in a perpetual state of fear -- and how her faith sustained her.
- Video Language:
- Spanish
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 19:27
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for Lo que seis años en cautiverio me enseño sobre el miedo y la fe | ||
Brian Greene approved English subtitles for Lo que seis años en cautiverio me enseño sobre el miedo y la fe | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for Lo que seis años en cautiverio me enseño sobre el miedo y la fe | ||
Brian Greene accepted English subtitles for Lo que seis años en cautiverio me enseño sobre el miedo y la fe | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for Lo que seis años en cautiverio me enseño sobre el miedo y la fe | ||
Camille Martínez edited English subtitles for Lo que seis años en cautiverio me enseño sobre el miedo y la fe | ||
Camille Martínez edited English subtitles for Lo que seis años en cautiverio me enseño sobre el miedo y la fe |