Refusing to settle: the quarter-life crisis | Adam "Smiley" Poswolsky | TEDxYouth@MileHigh
-
0:09 - 0:12I did everything I was supposed to do.
-
0:12 - 0:15I got good grades in high school,
I took AP classes, -
0:15 - 0:18I went to a good college,
I got a great job, -
0:18 - 0:20I climbed the career ladder.
-
0:20 - 0:22On paper I had it all.
-
0:22 - 0:26I was making $70,000 a year
at the age of 28, -
0:26 - 0:28I was working for the federal government.
-
0:28 - 0:31I had health care, I had benefits,
I had job security. -
0:31 - 0:34You literally can't get fired
from working for the government. -
0:34 - 0:36Trust me, there are people that should.
-
0:36 - 0:37(Laughter)
-
0:37 - 0:40My parents were impressed,
my friends were impressed, -
0:40 - 0:43my boss told me I was doing a great job.
-
0:43 - 0:46I would go to Happy Hour and tell everyone
I was the Special Assistant -
0:46 - 0:49to the Director of Global Operations
at the U.S. Peace Corps, -
0:49 - 0:51and everyone thought that was so cool.
-
0:51 - 0:52They asked for my business card.
-
0:52 - 0:55I got to sit in on meetings
at the White House. -
0:56 - 0:58Everything was perfect about my job
-
0:58 - 1:03except for one tiny,
kind of important thing: I was miserable. -
1:04 - 1:06How did I know I was miserable?
-
1:06 - 1:11Every single morning when
my alarm would go off at 6:30 AM to NPR, -
1:11 - 1:14I'd feel a shooting pain
go up and down my back. -
1:14 - 1:16I felt this pain
when I was getting out of bed, -
1:16 - 1:18when I was brushing my teeth,
-
1:18 - 1:21when I was getting dressed
and putting on my shirt and tie, -
1:21 - 1:25when I was taking the bus down to work,
when I scanned my ID badge at the office, -
1:25 - 1:30when I rode up the elevator up to my desk,
when I sat at my desk typing memos, -
1:30 - 1:34when my boss would invite me to meetings
and we'd talk about best practices, -
1:34 - 1:38and when my boss would email me
every night on my Blackberry at 10 PM. -
1:39 - 1:44The pain was so bad
I developed shingles on my side. -
1:44 - 1:48Shingles in a nerve disease
common in people over the age of 70, -
1:48 - 1:50not 20-somethings.
-
1:50 - 1:51(Laughter)
-
1:51 - 1:53This was the pain of confusion.
-
1:53 - 1:56It was the pain of climbing
this career ladder to success -
1:56 - 1:59and realizing that I was nowhere.
-
1:59 - 2:01I was somewhere I didn't want to be.
-
2:01 - 2:05I was stuck in a quarter-life crisis.
-
2:05 - 2:09I was spending a lot of time on Facebook
overdosing on FOMO, Fear of Missing Out, -
2:09 - 2:12comparing myself
to what my friends were doing. -
2:12 - 2:15So there was my friend
going off to business school -
2:15 - 2:17and I was like,
"Maybe I should get my MBA." -
2:17 - 2:20And there was my friend
going to teach at a charter school, -
2:20 - 2:23and I was like, "Maybe I should
work at a charter school." -
2:23 - 2:25And there was my friend
opening a food truck, -
2:25 - 2:27and I was like,
"Maybe I should open a food truck, -
2:27 - 2:30even though I'm an awful driver
and a really bad cook." -
2:30 - 2:31(Laughter)
-
2:31 - 2:34And so there was a buddy of mine,
he'd already graduated -
2:34 - 2:36from one of the top law schools
in the country, -
2:36 - 2:39he got this amazing job
at one of the top corporate firms, -
2:39 - 2:43making well over six figures,
and he's got it all figured out, -
2:43 - 2:48and there he is traveling
with his girlfriend in Peru, -
2:48 - 2:51getting engaged at sunset
in front of Machu Picchu. -
2:51 - 2:54And I'm like "Man!
This guy has got it all figured out. -
2:54 - 2:56He's got this amazing job,
he's going to get married, -
2:56 - 2:59he's at Macchu Picchu,
I hate my job, I hate my life, -
2:59 - 3:01I can't even get a date
on OkCupid, my life is ruined!" -
3:01 - 3:02(Laughter)
-
3:02 - 3:04I'm a goner!
-
3:04 - 3:08It was only when I met other young people
going through the exact same thing -
3:08 - 3:11that I was able to turn my quarter-life
crisis into a breakthrough. -
3:11 - 3:14So this talk is going to teach you
a few lessons I learned on my journey -
3:14 - 3:17that can help anyone
that's stuck in a quarter-life crisis -
3:17 - 3:21or help you avoid your quarter-life crisis
and find meaningful work. -
3:21 - 3:23So the first lesson I learned:
-
3:23 - 3:25find believers.
-
3:25 - 3:28Surround yourself with people
that believe in the beauty of their dreams -
3:28 - 3:32because I used to come home in D.C.
every night to my roommate Dan, -
3:32 - 3:36and I'd be like "Dan, I hate my job,
I don't want to do this anymore, -
3:36 - 3:39I want to move across the country,
I want to live in San Francisco, -
3:39 - 3:42I've always wanted to live there,
I want to start writing, -
3:42 - 3:46I want to start being creative, I want to
support social entrepreneurs, -
3:46 - 3:49I want to support young people
that are going after their dreams." -
3:49 - 3:54And Dan would look at me, stare,
roll his eyes, take a swig of beer, -
3:54 - 3:56and say "Smiley, suck it up."
-
3:56 - 3:57(Laughter)
-
3:57 - 4:00"Everyone hates their job,
it's part of life." -
4:01 - 4:03And I was like, "Man!
You know, that's kind of brutal." -
4:03 - 4:07I was 28 at the time
which is old, but it's not that old. -
4:07 - 4:10I didn't want to spend
the next 40 years of my life depressed. -
4:10 - 4:11But you know what?
-
4:11 - 4:14The majority of the world thinks like Dan.
-
4:14 - 4:1770% of Americans
are disengaged at their jobs. -
4:17 - 4:1970%!
-
4:19 - 4:22One fifth of those people
are so disengaged, -
4:22 - 4:25they're actively undermining
their coworkers' work. -
4:25 - 4:26They're literally getting paid
-
4:26 - 4:29to mess things up
for the company that they work for. -
4:29 - 4:30(Laughter)
-
4:30 - 4:31And this is a shame.
-
4:31 - 4:35It's a shame because millions of people
wake up every day unfulfilled, depressed, -
4:35 - 4:39not showing up fully for themselves,
their families, their communities, -
4:39 - 4:41or the world at large.
-
4:42 - 4:43So then I met believers.
-
4:43 - 4:44I went to a leadership program
-
4:44 - 4:48that bring together 20-somethings
interested in creating social change, -
4:48 - 4:51social entrepreneurship,
and using business for good. -
4:51 - 4:55The program was called StartingBloc
and at StartingBloc I met believers. -
4:55 - 4:57I met people like Debbie.
-
4:57 - 4:59Debbie was starting GoldieBlox,
-
4:59 - 5:03a toy company that teaches
young girls engineering skills. -
5:03 - 5:04I met people like Ted.
-
5:04 - 5:07Ted started MoneyThink,
which is a nonprofit -
5:07 - 5:11that teaches financial literacy
and entrepreneurship to urban youth. -
5:11 - 5:12I met people like Tom.
-
5:12 - 5:15Tom started Rising Tide Car Wash,
a small business in South Florida -
5:15 - 5:18with his father,
that employs people with autism. -
5:18 - 5:22So I met these believers
and they're like, "Wait a second Smiley, -
5:22 - 5:24you want to leave D.C.,
move to San Francisco, -
5:24 - 5:27start writing, start supporting
social entrepreneurs? -
5:27 - 5:29You have to do that,
the world needs you to do that!" -
5:29 - 5:32Because a crazy thing happens
when you find believers: -
5:32 - 5:34you find accountability.
-
5:34 - 5:35Normally in the real world,
-
5:35 - 5:38you tell someone you're going to
quit your job and they're like, -
5:38 - 5:40"Yeah dude, you said that six months ago.
-
5:40 - 5:44Everyone's going to quit their job.
Whatever. You're not going to do it." -
5:44 - 5:46You tell someone you're writing a book:
-
5:46 - 5:48"Everyone's writing a book,
I'll believe it when I see it." -
5:48 - 5:50Not when you tell believers,
-
5:50 - 5:53because when you tell believers
you have accountability. -
5:53 - 5:56I told my buddy Evan that I was going
to quit my job at StartingBloc. -
5:56 - 5:59And you know what he asked me?
One simple question: when? -
5:59 - 6:01When are you going to have
the talk with your boss? -
6:01 - 6:04And he texted me every single week
after the program: -
6:04 - 6:08Have you had the talk with your boss yet?
Have you had the talk with your boss yet? -
6:10 - 6:13I'd be in meeting with senior officials
at the White House -
6:13 - 6:15getting texts and calls
from this guy and I was like, -
6:15 - 6:18"Stop calling me,
you're going to get me arrested!" -
6:18 - 6:19But you know what?
-
6:19 - 6:21The only reason I did have
that talk with my boss, -
6:21 - 6:23the only reason I did quit my job,
-
6:23 - 6:26I did move across the country
to a city I wanted to live in, -
6:26 - 6:28the only reason I did write a book,
-
6:28 - 6:30the only reason I started supporting
social entrepreneurs, -
6:30 - 6:33and the only reason
I'm standing here right now -
6:33 - 6:35is because people like Evan
held me accountable. -
6:35 - 6:38Because when you find believers,
you find accountability. -
6:39 - 6:40(Applause)
-
6:40 - 6:41Thank you.
-
6:41 - 6:42(Applause)
-
6:45 - 6:50People like Debbie and Ted and Tom weren't
talking about making lots of money. -
6:50 - 6:53They weren't talking about
rising up the corporate ladder, -
6:53 - 6:56getting featured in TechCrunch
or Fast Company. -
6:56 - 6:57They were talking about
-
6:57 - 7:01making the world more innovative,
compassionate, and sustainable. -
7:01 - 7:04They were talking about
using their access, their privilege, -
7:04 - 7:07and their skills to empower people
less fortunate than them. -
7:07 - 7:11Because the success symbol
for my generation, for our generation, -
7:11 - 7:15isn't climbing the career ladder,
it's doing work that matters. -
7:15 - 7:18So we're not the "me me me" generation.
-
7:18 - 7:2150% of millennials,
that's most of you in this room, -
7:21 - 7:24would take a pay cut to find work
that matches their values. -
7:24 - 7:2790% of millennials
want to use their skills for good. -
7:27 - 7:31Despite unprecedented levels
of unemployment and student debt, -
7:31 - 7:34our generation wants to work with purpose.
-
7:34 - 7:37So how do you actually find
meaningful work? -
7:37 - 7:39Well, the second lesson I learned
-
7:39 - 7:41is that you have to stop
comparing yourself to others -
7:41 - 7:44and start pursuing
what is meaningful to you. -
7:44 - 7:46I went back and interviewed my friend,
-
7:46 - 7:48the corporate lawyer
that had it all figured out, -
7:48 - 7:50was married, got engaged at Machu Picchu.
-
7:50 - 7:53I was like "Man, you got a great job,
you're making all this money, -
7:53 - 7:54What's the secret?"
-
7:54 - 7:56And you know what he told me?
-
7:56 - 7:59He told me that after
three years of law school, -
7:59 - 8:01hundreds of thousands
of dollars in student debt, -
8:01 - 8:04and now making all this money
at the corporate firm, -
8:04 - 8:06that he was miserable
as a corporate lawyer, -
8:06 - 8:10and that he was going back
to grad school at the age of 30 -
8:10 - 8:13to become a high school
social studies teacher. -
8:13 - 8:13Right?
-
8:13 - 8:15(Applause)
-
8:15 - 8:17Which is great for him,
but what's the lesson? -
8:17 - 8:19What's the lesson?
-
8:19 - 8:23Nobody knows what they're doing.
Nobody has it figured out. -
8:23 - 8:25The grass is always greener.
-
8:25 - 8:27Instead of comparing yourself to others,
-
8:27 - 8:29instead of comparing yourself
to everyone on Facebook, -
8:29 - 8:32start figuring out
what it is that you want. -
8:32 - 8:36Don't climb the career ladder to nowhere;
build a career that matters to you. -
8:36 - 8:38So why are you here?
-
8:38 - 8:41What do you want to do for others?
-
8:41 - 8:45How can you align
your own gifts, your unique gifts, -
8:45 - 8:48with the impact you want
to have on the world -
8:48 - 8:51in a way that supports
your desired quality of life? -
8:51 - 8:53You know what the beautiful thing
about meaning is? -
8:53 - 8:55The beautiful thing about alignment?
-
8:55 - 8:57There is no one answer.
-
8:57 - 9:00No two peoples' definitions are the same.
-
9:00 - 9:01I don't know what's right for you.
-
9:01 - 9:04I'm still trying to figure out
what's right for myself. -
9:04 - 9:08Now, Debbie, she started GoldieBlox
because of the discrimination she faced -
9:08 - 9:12as one of the only female engineering
students at Stanford University. -
9:12 - 9:15Ted started MoneyThink
because when he was growing up in Chicago, -
9:15 - 9:18he realized he had a lot
of opportunities due to his privilege -
9:18 - 9:20that his peers simply didn't have.
-
9:20 - 9:23And Tom started Rising Tide Car Wash
-
9:23 - 9:27because he saw how hard it was
for his own brother to find a job -
9:27 - 9:29because his own brother has autism.
-
9:29 - 9:31So they had a personal
connection to their work. -
9:31 - 9:35Meaning is personal,
so what makes you tick? -
9:35 - 9:39Not your parents, not your boss,
not your friends on Facebook. -
9:39 - 9:42What makes you tick? Why are you here?
-
9:44 - 9:46How will you create your own path?
-
9:46 - 9:49The third lesson I learned is
that you have to start hustling. -
9:49 - 9:53You have to start hustling with intention,
you have to start hustling with purpose. -
9:53 - 9:56A lot of people like to call
our generation lazy, -
9:56 - 9:58'the lazy generation.'
-
9:58 - 10:01It's like, are you kidding me? Lazy?
-
10:01 - 10:03I've been working
for 10 years since college -
10:03 - 10:06and I still owe Sally Mae
$10,000 in student loans. -
10:06 - 10:09So Sally Mae if I ever see you
on Tinder, I'm swiping left. -
10:09 - 10:11(Laughter)
-
10:11 - 10:15Debbie, and Ted and Tom
weren't working four hours a week, -
10:15 - 10:20they were working 40, 50, 60 hours a week
on something they cared about. -
10:20 - 10:23Now why would you want to automate
something that brings you joy? -
10:23 - 10:27Why would you want to automate something
that impacts the world, impacts others? -
10:27 - 10:29These people weren't automating,
they were hustling. -
10:29 - 10:32They were working hard
on something that matters. -
10:32 - 10:34I was working four different jobs
when I was writing a book -
10:34 - 10:36because I had to pay rent
and pay my loans. -
10:36 - 10:39A lot of people hear my story
and they're like, -
10:39 - 10:41"I got to quit my job tomorrow,
I'm out! Peace!" -
10:41 - 10:43That's not my message,
that's not what I'm saying. -
10:43 - 10:46A lot of you may have
heard of Debbie and GoldieBlox, -
10:46 - 10:47but what you might not know is
-
10:47 - 10:50she had a full time job
while she was starting that company. -
10:50 - 10:54She was working as the marketing director
for a jewelry company in San Francisco. -
10:54 - 10:58She stayed on at that job for nine months
after she had the idea for GoldieBlox. -
10:58 - 10:59Why?
-
10:59 - 11:02First of all, she knew she was
going to start her own business -
11:02 - 11:05so she needed to save money,
a very practical reason, -
11:05 - 11:09but second of all, she felt like she was
getting paid to go to business school. -
11:09 - 11:13Rather than pay a lot of money to go
get an MBA, she was earning a paycheck -
11:13 - 11:17and learning invaluable skills in
marketing, retail, distributions, sales -
11:17 - 11:20she knew she would be able
to apply to her own business -
11:20 - 11:22when she left and started her own company.
-
11:22 - 11:24So you don't have to
quit your job tomorrow. -
11:24 - 11:27As a matter of fact,
you don't even need to have a job. -
11:27 - 11:29I'll tell the story of my friend Bernat.
-
11:29 - 11:31So I met this crazy guy once
in San Francisco. -
11:31 - 11:34I'm biking home and suddenly
this stranger starts talking to me. -
11:34 - 11:36He's like, "Hey man,
how's your day going?" -
11:36 - 11:39I'm like, "I don't know,
leave me alone, I don't know you." -
11:39 - 11:41He keeps biking alongside and is like,
-
11:41 - 11:44"Hey, I just got here from Spain,
I'm looking for a job. -
11:44 - 11:46I'm like, "I don't know you,
leave me alone." -
11:46 - 11:52He's like, "I just moved from Barcelona,
I'm a really good UX/UI designer, -
11:52 - 11:53I've had six interviews this week.
-
11:53 - 11:56If I don't get a job
I have to go back to Spain, -
11:56 - 11:58I need a work visa
to stay here in the U.S. -
11:58 - 12:00There's not many jobs in Spain,
I really want to stay." -
12:00 - 12:03And I was like, "Actually, my best friend
was living in Barcelona, -
12:03 - 12:06it's a beautiful city,
let me check out your website," -
12:06 - 12:10He said, "What are you working on?"
I said, "Well, I'm writing this book." -
12:10 - 12:13He goes, "Do you have a cover designer?"
and I said, "No, not yet." -
12:13 - 12:15So I go home, I check out his website
-
12:15 - 12:17and I was like, "Wow, this guy
is a pretty good designer. -
12:17 - 12:19He's pretty kick-ass, he's awesome."
-
12:19 - 12:23So I was like, "Hey Bernat,
maybe you could design my book cover." -
12:23 - 12:26And then I posted on Facebook,
"Hey, just met this crazy guy, -
12:26 - 12:28Bernat from Barcelona,
does anyone need a designer? -
12:28 - 12:33I know a lot of people in startups,
maybe Bernat can help you." -
12:33 - 12:35Five minutes later
my friend Yi comments. -
12:35 - 12:37He's like, "My friends
are starting a startup in Palo Alto, -
12:37 - 12:41there's three of them,
they don't really know what they're doing, -
12:41 - 12:43they could use a designer."
-
12:43 - 12:45So Bernat meets with
this team, they hit it off, -
12:45 - 12:48he gets hired as their lead designer,
it's a four person team. -
12:48 - 12:52He's super excited, he texts me,
"Smiley, thank you, I got this job!" -
12:52 - 12:54And I'm like "Thank you, man,
you made the ask." -
12:54 - 12:57So it goes by, he helps me
design this book cover, -
12:57 - 13:00and then about six or seven months later
I got a text from Bernat: -
13:00 - 13:04He's like, "Smiley, I'm taking you
out to dinner, anywhere you want to go." -
13:04 - 13:07I was like, awesome, I want to
get taken out to dinner, great. -
13:07 - 13:11We went out to dinner and I said,
"What's going on man? What's up? -
13:11 - 13:12Why are you taking me out?
-
13:12 - 13:14I have some money,
I'm a writer, I'm mostly broke, -
13:15 - 13:16but we can split the check or something."
-
13:16 - 13:21And he goes, "You know the company
I started working for after I met you?" -
13:21 - 13:22I was like, "Yeah."
-
13:22 - 13:25They had just been acquired
by Yahoo for 80 million dollars. -
13:25 - 13:26(Gasps).
-
13:26 - 13:28Right?
-
13:28 - 13:31It's a small team, like four
or five people, so Bernat had equity, -
13:31 - 13:33he was one of the first people
on the team. -
13:33 - 13:36He was thanking me and I'm like,
"You should thank yourself." -
13:36 - 13:37You know why?
-
13:37 - 13:39Because Bernat made the ask.
-
13:39 - 13:43He talked to a random stranger on a bike
in a city that he didn't live in, -
13:43 - 13:45in a country that he's not even from.
-
13:45 - 13:47He made the ask.
-
13:47 - 13:50So do not let being a beginner
limit your hustle. -
13:50 - 13:55Take a risk, sign up for the class,
volunteer, go abroad, work abroad, -
13:55 - 13:57launch a crowdfunding campaign.
-
13:57 - 13:59(Cheers) (Applause)
-
13:59 - 14:00Thank you.
-
14:00 - 14:01(Applause)
-
14:04 - 14:08Start the blog, build
that website, make the ask. -
14:08 - 14:11People will support you
when you start working with purpose. -
14:11 - 14:15Now this isn't about finding
your one calling or your one purpose, -
14:15 - 14:17because I don't think
that that's possible. -
14:17 - 14:20I think I've already had
eight callings, and I'm only 31, -
14:20 - 14:22which is not that old, I swear.
-
14:22 - 14:26But I am saying
that if you find believers now, -
14:26 - 14:29if you stop comparing
yourself to others now, -
14:29 - 14:33and if you hustle to pursue
what is meaningful to you now, -
14:33 - 14:36you will change your life,
you will change the lives of others, -
14:36 - 14:37and you will change the world.
-
14:37 - 14:39(Applause)
-
14:43 - 14:47People like Debbie and Ted
and Tom changed my life. -
14:47 - 14:50They're the only reason
I'm standing here right now -
14:50 - 14:52and not sitting at home
on Facebook depressed, -
14:52 - 14:55worrying about what all my friends
are doing, worrying about my friend, -
14:55 - 14:59the corporate lawyer that doesn't even
want to be a corporate lawyer. -
14:59 - 15:03Because when you pursue meaningful work,
you inspire others to as well. -
15:03 - 15:07You insure that the workforce
of the future will be spending its days -
15:07 - 15:09empowering girls to become engineers,
-
15:09 - 15:12teaching financial literacy
and entrepreneurship to urban youth, -
15:12 - 15:14employing people with disabilities,
-
15:14 - 15:18and ensuring that every single person
in this room and those not in this room -
15:18 - 15:20reaches their full potential.
-
15:20 - 15:22(Applause)
-
15:24 - 15:27So you can call us idealistic,
-
15:27 - 15:30you can certainly call me idealistic,
I mean my name is Smiley -
15:30 - 15:31(Laughter)
-
15:31 - 15:33but we are not the "me me me" generation.
-
15:33 - 15:35We are the purpose generation,
-
15:35 - 15:38and we will be engaged with
our work because we have to. -
15:38 - 15:39(Applause)
-
15:41 - 15:45The challenges facing our generation
are simply too serious to ignore. -
15:45 - 15:48They're too serious
to only worry about on the weekend, -
15:48 - 15:51or too serious to only
worry about after 5 PM. -
15:51 - 15:54We can't be stuck in a high school crisis,
-
15:54 - 15:59a quarter-life crisis,
a third-life crisis, or a mid-life crisis. -
15:59 - 16:01We can't climb
the career ladder to nowhere. -
16:01 - 16:04The stakes are too damn high.
-
16:04 - 16:05Thank you.
-
16:05 - 16:06(Applause).
- Title:
- Refusing to settle: the quarter-life crisis | Adam "Smiley" Poswolsky | TEDxYouth@MileHigh
- Description:
-
This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences.
What is a quarter-life crisis, and how do you break through it? In this engaging and funny talk, Adam "Smiley" Poswolsky, author of Amazon bestseller "The Quarter-Life Breakthrough", shares the takeaways from his life and other young people confronting the quarter-life crisis head-on and finding meaningful work. - Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDxTalks
- Duration:
- 16:14