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OFFLINE - Full Film

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    (typewriter keys clicking)
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    (eerie music)
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    (door creaks open)
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    - I'm sorry, Mr. Blythe
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    - Is the internet running at maximum capacity?
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    - Well that's the problem, I don't know
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    if our servers can handle it.
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    - Nonsense!
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    This is DigiBitWave, we are the internet!
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    Set the internet speed to double maximum.
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    - But you don't understand, Mr. Blythe.
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    there could be dire consequences.
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    - I said double maximum!
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    Or I'll feed you to Grandma over there.
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    You like that, Maude?
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    (hissing)
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    - Okay.
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    (water pouring)
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    - No, you coffee bastard!
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    Is there a First Aid kit?
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    (snapshot sound)
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    (snapshot sound)
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    - It's for Gourmet Live, you probably have it.
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    It's kinda like Snapchat meets
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    Great British Bake Off.
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    You take live snaps of food and drink
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    then you post them on this feed...
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    - Here you go.
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    Are you sure you should be drinking caffeine in your--
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    - Die you poxy Elfin munters!
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    - Right.
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    (sighing)
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    (keyboard keys clicking)
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    - So, Kate.
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    How about me and you slip off for a minute
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    and make that stationary cupboard
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    a little less stationary?
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    - (sighs) Look, Barry, I don't--
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    - Is that your ex-boyfriend?
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    I mean he's your ex-boyfriend right?
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    You said--
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    - Yes I am.
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    Always a pleasure Barry.
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    - Barry, Jack is just here to help me with something, so--
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    - I hope this is work related.
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    Just because you're staying late
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    does not mean you can slack off!
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    I'm watching you.
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    - How are you?
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    - Good, thanks.
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    I just need to submit this tonight
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    and the site keeps bouncing it back.
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    So, university?
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    - Yeah.
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    This dream had to end sometime.
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    Can Digi Bit Wave live without me?
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    - Right. Fixed it.
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    The data structure was bouncing it back.
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    But it's still not...
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    Ah, I hate these forms!
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    - Well, what if we just...
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    (error noise)
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    Oh.
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    - It's happened.
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    May God have mercy on us all.
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    - Noo!
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    Gourmet Live! Gourmet Live!
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    Where, where, where's the iPlayer?!
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    (screaming)
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    (sobbing)
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    - We have a dire situation here people.
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    The Wi-Fi's down.
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    Jack here says there's no way to fix it.
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    And I have a Wrestle Mania belt on Ebay
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    that's being outbid from under me as we speak!
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    - Yeah, and if I don't livestream this chow mein
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    in the next 20 minutes I'm gonna get
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    knocked off the Gourmet Live hotspot.
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    - Why don't you all just go home?
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    There isn't time, Jack, there isn't time!
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    My Dwarven mages!
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    Pull yourself together Elizabeth!
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    - Jesus, mate!
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    She's like mega pregnant!
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    - No, he's right.
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    (sobs) He's right.
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    - Listen, Jack.
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    This is gonna sound really stupid
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    but my application is due in 30 minutes
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    and that's my only copy.
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    - Dear God.
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    Okay people, what about your phones?
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    Don't you have 3G?
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    I was gonna get an iPhone, but Blythe kept on promising
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    to upgrade us and he never did.
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    - Jack, look at this!
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    - Of course!
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    The dongle!
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    We can get online with that.
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    - But how are we supposed to get into Blythe's office?
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    - All right, people.
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    We are here.
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    And we need to get into Blythe's office upstairs.
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    It's being guarded by Maude here.
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    We need to find a way to distract her and get into the office.
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    The door is locked but the cleaning lady
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    has the key and she's...
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    Well, she's right there.
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    - Can we move this along, please?
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    - Oh my God, Liz, I think your water just broke.
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    Are you in labour?
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    - Look, how in labour, or not in labour I am is irrelevant!
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    There are Revaluvian Orcs going un-beheaded.
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    - Okay.
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    I think I have a plan.
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    I've been writing this for a while now,
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    It's probably my masterpiece.
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    Aye aye aye aye!
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    My bambino is a-coming...
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    Don't a-worry my little daughter
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    Um, uh
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    Is she okay?
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    She is uh...
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    The bambino is on the way
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    Why did you order this chow mein-- it's...
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    I'm sorry, I cannot watch this anymore
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    Just a little more and you can go back
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    to work, I promise
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    This is a one-star mess
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    Well... I mean, it's not that bad
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    One-star mess!
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    (keys dropping)
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    What are you doing?
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    Look -- If I give you twenty quid, will
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    you give us the keys to Blythe's office?
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    Okay.
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    (cheering)
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    Noooo!
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    (crying)
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    Oh god! Why!
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    See you guys tomorrow.
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    All the best Charlie.
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    See you, Merry Christmas
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    So um,
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    You left some stuff at mine
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    Yeah, it's crap
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    I don't need it
    thanks
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    But I don't need it
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    Okay fine
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    I d-didn't mean--
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    What the hell is going on?!
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    I called an ambulance --
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    (screaming) nooo
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    You're like full on in labour
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    There's a baby
    crawling out of your vagina!
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    I'll kill you!
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    I'll kill you all!
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    She has slept with Barry--
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    You slept with--
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    Fine yes.
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    I slept with Barry
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    And that's why I broke up with you
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    Because I felt really guilty about it
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    You know what?
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    Maybe if you weren't so sleazy
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    and gross and totally misogynistic
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    and unskilled and...
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    a bit sweaty actually
Title:
OFFLINE - Full Film
Description:
more » « less
Video Language:
English, British
Team:
Captions Requested
Duration:
10:01

English, British subtitles

Incomplete

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