How we talk about sexual assault online
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0:01 - 0:03It was April, last year.
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0:04 - 0:05I was on an evening out with friends
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0:05 - 0:07to celebrate one of their birthdays.
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0:08 - 0:10We hadn't been all together
for a couple of weeks; -
0:10 - 0:12it was a perfect evening,
as we were all reunited. -
0:13 - 0:14At the end of the evening,
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0:14 - 0:18I caught the last underground train
back to the other side of London. -
0:19 - 0:20The journey was smooth.
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0:20 - 0:22I got back to my local station
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0:22 - 0:24and I began the 10-minute walk home.
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0:25 - 0:28As I turned the corner onto my street,
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0:28 - 0:29my house in sight up ahead,
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0:30 - 0:31I heard footsteps behind me
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0:31 - 0:33that seemed to have
approached out of nowhere -
0:33 - 0:35and were picking up pace.
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0:36 - 0:38Before I had time to process
what was happening, -
0:38 - 0:41a hand was clapped around my mouth
so that I could not breathe, -
0:41 - 0:44and the young man behind me
dragged me to the ground, -
0:44 - 0:46beat my head repeatedly
against the pavement -
0:46 - 0:48until my face began to bleed,
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0:48 - 0:51kicking me in the back and neck
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0:51 - 0:52while he began to assault me,
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0:52 - 0:55ripping off my clothes
and telling me to "shut up," -
0:55 - 0:56as I struggled to cry for help.
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0:57 - 1:00With each smack of my head
to the concrete ground, -
1:00 - 1:03a question echoed through my mind
that still haunts me today: -
1:03 - 1:05"Is this going to be how it all ends?"
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1:07 - 1:10Little could I have realized,
I'd been followed the whole way -
1:10 - 1:12from the moment I left the station.
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1:12 - 1:13And hours later,
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1:13 - 1:17I was standing topless and barelegged
in front of the police, -
1:17 - 1:19having the cuts and bruises
on my naked body photographed -
1:19 - 1:21for forensic evidence.
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1:22 - 1:25Now, there are few words to describe
the all-consuming feelings -
1:25 - 1:28of vulnerability, shame, upset
and injustice that I was ridden with -
1:28 - 1:31in that moment and for the weeks to come.
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1:32 - 1:34But wanting to find a way
to condense these feelings -
1:35 - 1:37into something ordered
that I could work through, -
1:37 - 1:39I decided to do what
felt most natural to me: -
1:39 - 1:41I wrote about it.
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1:41 - 1:44It started out as a cathartic exercise.
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1:44 - 1:47I wrote a letter to my assaulter,
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1:47 - 1:49humanizing him as "you,"
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1:49 - 1:52to identify him as part
of the very community -
1:52 - 1:54that he had so violently
abused that night. -
1:55 - 1:57Stressing the tidal-wave
effect of his actions, -
1:57 - 1:59I wrote:
-
1:59 - 2:01"Did you ever think
of the people in your life? -
2:02 - 2:04I don't know who the people
in your life are. -
2:04 - 2:06I don't know anything about you.
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2:06 - 2:08But I do know this:
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2:08 - 2:10you did not just attack me that night.
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2:10 - 2:12I'm a daughter, I'm a friend,
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2:12 - 2:14I'm a sister, I'm a pupil,
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2:14 - 2:15I'm a cousin, I'm a niece,
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2:15 - 2:16I'm a neighbor;
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2:16 - 2:18I'm the employee
who served everyone coffee -
2:18 - 2:20in the café under the railway.
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2:20 - 2:23And all the people who form
these relations to me -
2:23 - 2:25make up my community.
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2:25 - 2:27And you assaulted
every single one of them. -
2:27 - 2:30You violated the truth that I
will never cease to fight for, -
2:30 - 2:32and which all of these people represent:
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2:32 - 2:36that there are infinitely more
good people in the world than bad." -
2:37 - 2:40But, determined not to let
this one incident make me lose faith -
2:40 - 2:43in the solidarity in my community
or humanity as a whole, -
2:43 - 2:47I recalled the 7/7 terrorist bombings
in July 2005 on London transport, -
2:47 - 2:50and how the mayor of London at the time,
and indeed my own parents, -
2:50 - 2:53had insisted that we all get back
on the tubes the next day, -
2:53 - 2:55so we wouldn't be defined or changed
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2:55 - 2:57by those that had made us feel unsafe.
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2:57 - 2:59I told my attacker,
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3:00 - 3:01"You've carried out your attack,
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3:01 - 3:03but now I'm getting back on my tube.
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3:04 - 3:07My community will not feel we are unsafe
walking home after dark. -
3:07 - 3:09We will get on the last tubes home,
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3:09 - 3:11and we will walk up our streets alone,
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3:11 - 3:13because we will not ingrain
or submit to the idea -
3:13 - 3:16that we are putting ourselves
in danger in doing so. -
3:16 - 3:19We will continue
to come together, like an army, -
3:19 - 3:22when any member
of our community is threatened. -
3:22 - 3:24And this is a fight you will not win."
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3:26 - 3:27At the time of writing this letter --
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3:27 - 3:29(Applause)
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3:29 - 3:30Thank you.
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3:30 - 3:32(Applause)
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3:33 - 3:34At the time of writing this letter,
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3:34 - 3:36I was studying for my exams in Oxford,
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3:36 - 3:39and I was working
on the local student paper there. -
3:39 - 3:42Despite being lucky enough to have
friends and family supporting me, -
3:42 - 3:43it was an isolating time.
-
3:43 - 3:46I didn't know anyone
who'd been through this before; -
3:46 - 3:47at least I didn't think I did.
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3:47 - 3:51I'd read news reports, statistics,
and knew how common sexual assault was, -
3:51 - 3:53yet I couldn't actually name
a single person -
3:53 - 3:56that I'd heard speak out
about an experience of this kind before. -
3:56 - 3:58So in a somewhat spontaneous decision,
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3:58 - 4:01I decided that I would publish
my letter in the student paper, -
4:01 - 4:03hoping to reach out to others in Oxford
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4:03 - 4:06that might have had a similar experience
and be feeling the same way. -
4:06 - 4:08At the end of the letter,
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4:08 - 4:10I asked others to write in
with their experiences -
4:10 - 4:12under the hashtag, "#NotGuilty,"
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4:12 - 4:15to emphasize that survivors of assault
could express themselves -
4:15 - 4:18without feeling shame or guilt
about what happened to them -- -
4:18 - 4:20to show that we could all
stand up to sexual assault. -
4:20 - 4:23What I never anticipated
is that almost overnight, -
4:23 - 4:25this published letter would go viral.
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4:26 - 4:28Soon, we were receiving
hundreds of stories -
4:28 - 4:30from men and women across the world,
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4:30 - 4:33which we began to publish
on a website I set up. -
4:33 - 4:35And the hashtag became a campaign.
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4:36 - 4:39There was an Australian mother in her 40s
who described how on an evening out, -
4:39 - 4:41she was followed to the bathroom
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4:41 - 4:43by a man who went
to repeatedly grab her crotch. -
4:43 - 4:45There was a man in the Netherlands
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4:45 - 4:48who described how he was date-raped
on a visit to London -
4:48 - 4:51and wasn't taken seriously
by anyone he reported his case to. -
4:51 - 4:54I had personal Facebook messages
from people in India and South America, -
4:54 - 4:57saying, how can we bring
the message of the campaign there? -
4:57 - 5:00One of the first contributions we had
was from a woman called Nikki, -
5:00 - 5:03who described growing up,
being molested my her own father. -
5:03 - 5:04And I had friends open up to me
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5:04 - 5:07about experiences ranging
from those that happened last week -
5:07 - 5:11to those that happened years ago,
that I'd had no idea about. -
5:11 - 5:14And the more we started
to receive these messages, -
5:14 - 5:16the more we also started
to receive messages of hope -- -
5:16 - 5:19people feeling empowered
by this community of voices -
5:19 - 5:21standing up to sexual assault
and victim-blaming. -
5:21 - 5:23One woman called Olivia,
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5:23 - 5:24after describing how she was attacked
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5:24 - 5:27by someone she had trusted
and cared about for a long time, -
5:27 - 5:30said, "I've read many
of the stories posted here, -
5:30 - 5:33and I feel hopeful that if so many
women can move forward, -
5:33 - 5:34then I can, too.
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5:34 - 5:35I've been inspired by many,
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5:35 - 5:37and I hope I can be as strong
as them someday. -
5:38 - 5:39I'm sure I will."
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5:39 - 5:42People around the world began
tweeting under this hashtag, -
5:42 - 5:45and the letter was republished
and covered by the national press, -
5:45 - 5:48as well as being translated into several
other languages worldwide. -
5:49 - 5:51But something struck me
about the media attention -
5:51 - 5:53that this letter was attracting.
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5:53 - 5:55For something to be front-page news,
-
5:55 - 5:58given the word "news" itself,
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5:58 - 6:01we can assume it must be something new
or something surprising. -
6:01 - 6:03And yet sexual assault
is not something new. -
6:04 - 6:07Sexual assault, along with other
kinds of injustices, -
6:07 - 6:09is reported in the media all the time.
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6:09 - 6:10But through the campaign,
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6:10 - 6:13these injustices were framed
as not just news stories, -
6:13 - 6:16they were firsthand experiences
that had affected real people, -
6:16 - 6:19who were creating,
with the solidarity of others, -
6:19 - 6:21what they needed
and had previously lacked: -
6:21 - 6:22a platform to speak out,
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6:22 - 6:26the reassurance they weren't alone
or to blame for what happened to them -
6:26 - 6:29and open discussions that would help
to reduce stigma around the issue. -
6:29 - 6:33The voices of those directly affected
were at the forefront of the story -- -
6:33 - 6:36not the voices of journalists
or commentators on social media. -
6:37 - 6:39And that's why the story was news.
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6:40 - 6:42We live in an incredibly
interconnected world -
6:42 - 6:44with the proliferation of social media,
-
6:44 - 6:48which is of course a fantastic resource
for igniting social change. -
6:48 - 6:51But it's also made us
increasingly reactive, -
6:51 - 6:54from the smallest annoyances
of, "Oh, my train's been delayed," -
6:54 - 6:58to the greatest injustices of war,
genocides, terrorist attacks. -
6:59 - 7:02Our default response has become
to leap to react to any kind of grievance -
7:02 - 7:04by tweeting, Facebooking, hastagging --
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7:04 - 7:07anything to show others
that we, too, have reacted. -
7:08 - 7:10The problem with reacting
in this manner en masse -
7:10 - 7:13is it can sometimes mean
that we don't actually react at all, -
7:13 - 7:16not in the sense of actually
doing anything, anyway. -
7:16 - 7:17It might make ourselves feel better,
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7:17 - 7:20like we've contributed
to a group mourning or outrage, -
7:20 - 7:22but it doesn't actually change anything.
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7:22 - 7:23And what's more,
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7:23 - 7:25it can sometimes drown out the voices
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7:25 - 7:27of those directly
affected by the injustice, -
7:27 - 7:29whose needs must be heard.
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7:30 - 7:34Worrying, too, is the tendency
for some reactions to injustice -
7:34 - 7:35to build even more walls,
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7:35 - 7:39being quick to point fingers
with the hope of providing easy solutions -
7:39 - 7:40to complex problems.
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7:40 - 7:43One British tabloid,
on the publication of my letter, -
7:43 - 7:44branded a headline stating,
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7:44 - 7:48"Oxford Student Launches
Online Campaign to Shame Attacker." -
7:50 - 7:52But the campaign never
meant to shame anyone. -
7:52 - 7:55It meant to let people speak
and to make others listen. -
7:56 - 8:00Divisive Twitter trolls were quick
to create even more injustice, -
8:00 - 8:03commenting on
my attacker's ethnicity or class -
8:03 - 8:05to push their own prejudiced agendas.
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8:05 - 8:09And some even accused me
of feigning the whole thing -
8:09 - 8:11to push, and I quote,
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8:11 - 8:15my "feminist agenda of man-hating."
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8:15 - 8:16(Laughter)
-
8:16 - 8:17I know, right?
-
8:17 - 8:20As if I'm going to be like,
"Hey guys! Sorry I can't make it, -
8:20 - 8:22I'm busy trying to hate
the entire male population -
8:22 - 8:24by the time I'm 30."
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8:24 - 8:25(Laughter)
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8:25 - 8:27Now, I'm almost sure
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8:27 - 8:30that these people wouldn't say
the things they say in person. -
8:30 - 8:33But it's as if because they might
be behind a screen, -
8:33 - 8:34in the comfort in their own home
-
8:34 - 8:36when on social media,
-
8:36 - 8:38people forget that what
they're doing is a public act -- -
8:38 - 8:41that other people will be reading it
and be affected by it. -
8:41 - 8:44Returning to my analogy
of getting back on our trains, -
8:45 - 8:47another main concern I have
about this noise that escalates -
8:47 - 8:49from our online responses to injustice
-
8:49 - 8:53is that it can very easily slip
into portraying us as the affected party, -
8:53 - 8:55which can lead to a sense of defeatism,
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8:55 - 8:59a kind of mental barrier to seeing
any opportunity for positivity or change -
8:59 - 9:00after a negative situation.
-
9:01 - 9:03A couple of months
before the campaign started -
9:03 - 9:05or any of this happened to me,
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9:05 - 9:07I went to a TEDx event in Oxford,
-
9:07 - 9:09and I saw Zelda la Grange speak,
-
9:09 - 9:11the former private secretary
to Nelson Mandela. -
9:11 - 9:13One of the stories
she told really struck me. -
9:14 - 9:16She spoke of when
Mandela was taken to court -
9:16 - 9:17by the South African Rugby Union
-
9:17 - 9:20after he commissioned
an inquiry into sports affairs. -
9:20 - 9:21In the courtroom,
-
9:21 - 9:24he went up to the South African
Rugby Union's lawyers, -
9:24 - 9:25shook them by the hand
-
9:25 - 9:28and conversed with them,
each in their own language. -
9:28 - 9:29And Zelda wanted to protest,
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9:29 - 9:31saying they had no right to his respect
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9:31 - 9:33after this injustice they had caused him.
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9:34 - 9:36He turned to her and said,
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9:36 - 9:40"You must never allow the enemy
to determine the grounds for battle." -
9:42 - 9:44At the time of hearing these words,
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9:44 - 9:46I didn't really know why
they were so important, -
9:46 - 9:49but I felt they were, and I wrote them
down in a notebook I had on me. -
9:49 - 9:52But I've thought about this line
a lot ever since. -
9:52 - 9:55Revenge, or the expression of hatred
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9:55 - 9:57towards those who have done us injustice
-
9:57 - 10:00may feel like a human instinct
in the face of wrong, -
10:00 - 10:02but we need to break out of these cycles
-
10:02 - 10:05if we are to hope to transform
negative events of injustice -
10:05 - 10:07into positive social change.
-
10:07 - 10:08To do otherwise
-
10:08 - 10:11continues to let the enemy
determine the grounds for battle, -
10:11 - 10:13creates a binary,
-
10:13 - 10:15where we who have suffered
become the affected, -
10:15 - 10:18pitted against them, the perpetrators.
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10:18 - 10:20And just like we got back on our tubes,
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10:20 - 10:23we can't let our platforms
for interconnectivity and community -
10:23 - 10:25be the places that we settle for defeat.
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10:27 - 10:31But I don't want to discourage
a social media response, -
10:31 - 10:33because I owe the development
of the #NotGuilty campaign -
10:33 - 10:35almost entirely to social media.
-
10:35 - 10:37But I do want to encourage
a more considered approach -
10:37 - 10:40to the way we use it
to respond to injustice. -
10:40 - 10:42The start, I think,
is to ask ourselves two things. -
10:42 - 10:45Firstly: Why do I feel this injustice?
-
10:45 - 10:47In my case, there were
several answers to this. -
10:47 - 10:49Someone had hurt me and those who I loved,
-
10:49 - 10:52under the assumption they
wouldn't have to be held to account -
10:52 - 10:54or recognize the damage they had caused.
-
10:54 - 10:57Not only that, but thousands
of men and women suffer every day -
10:57 - 10:59from sexual abuse, often in silence,
-
10:59 - 11:02yet it's still a problem we don't give
the same airtime to as other issues. -
11:02 - 11:05It's still an issue many people
blame victims for. -
11:05 - 11:08Next, ask yourself: How,
in recognizing these reasons, -
11:08 - 11:10could I go about reversing them?
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11:10 - 11:14With us, this was holding my attacker
to account -- and many others. -
11:14 - 11:16It was calling them out
on the effect they had caused. -
11:16 - 11:19It was giving airtime
to the issue of sexual assault, -
11:19 - 11:23opening up discussions amongst friends,
amongst families, in the media -
11:23 - 11:24that had been closed for too long,
-
11:24 - 11:27and stressing that victims
shouldn't feel to blame -
11:27 - 11:28for what happened to them.
-
11:28 - 11:31We might still have a long way to go
in solving this problem entirely. -
11:31 - 11:32But in this way,
-
11:32 - 11:36we can begin to use social media
as an active tool for social justice, -
11:36 - 11:38as a tool to educate,
to stimulate dialogues, -
11:38 - 11:41to make those in positions
of authority aware of an issue -
11:41 - 11:43by listening to those
directly affected by it. -
11:44 - 11:49Because sometimes these questions
don't have easy answers. -
11:49 - 11:50In fact, they rarely do.
-
11:51 - 11:54But this doesn't mean we still
can't give them a considered response. -
11:54 - 11:57In situations where
you can't go about thinking -
11:57 - 11:59how you'd reverse
this feeling of injustice, -
11:59 - 12:01you can still think,
maybe not what you can do, -
12:01 - 12:03but what you can not do.
-
12:04 - 12:07You can not build further walls
by fighting injustice with more prejudice, -
12:07 - 12:09more hatred.
-
12:09 - 12:13You can not speak over those
directly affected by an injustice. -
12:13 - 12:17And you can not react to injustice,
only to forget about it the next day, -
12:17 - 12:19just because the rest
of Twitter has moved on. -
12:20 - 12:24Sometimes not reacting
instantly is, ironically, -
12:24 - 12:27the best immediate course
of action we can take. -
12:28 - 12:32Because we might be angry, upset
and energized by injustice, -
12:32 - 12:35but let's consider our responses.
-
12:35 - 12:39Let us hold people to account,
without descending into a culture -
12:39 - 12:41that thrives off shaming
and injustice ourselves. -
12:42 - 12:44Let us remember that distinction,
-
12:44 - 12:46so often forgotten by internet users,
-
12:46 - 12:49between criticism and insult.
-
12:49 - 12:51Let us not forget
to think before we speak, -
12:51 - 12:54just because we might
have a screen in front of us. -
12:54 - 12:56And when we create noise on social media,
-
12:56 - 12:58let it not drown out the needs
of those affected, -
12:58 - 13:01but instead let it amplify their voices,
-
13:01 - 13:04so the internet becomes a place
where you're not the exception -
13:04 - 13:07if you speak out about something
that has actually happened to you. -
13:07 - 13:09All these considered
approaches to injustice -
13:09 - 13:12evoke the very keystones
on which the internet was built: -
13:12 - 13:15to network, to have signal, to connect --
-
13:15 - 13:17all these terms that imply
bringing people together, -
13:17 - 13:18not pushing people apart.
-
13:19 - 13:23Because if you look up the word
"justice" in the dictionary, -
13:24 - 13:25before punishment,
-
13:25 - 13:29before administration of law
or judicial authority, -
13:30 - 13:31you get:
-
13:31 - 13:33"The maintenance of what is right."
-
13:34 - 13:38And I think there are few things
more "right" in this world -
13:38 - 13:39than bringing people together,
-
13:39 - 13:41than unions.
-
13:41 - 13:44And if we allow social media
to deliver that, -
13:44 - 13:48then it can deliver a very powerful
form of justice, indeed. -
13:48 - 13:50Thank you very much.
-
13:50 - 13:57(Applause)
- Title:
- How we talk about sexual assault online
- Speaker:
- Ione Wells
- Description:
-
We need a more considered approach to using social media for social justice, says writer and activist Ione Wells. After she was the victim of an assault in London, Wells published a letter to her attacker in a student newspaper that went viral and sparked the #NotGuilty campaign against sexual violence and victim-blaming. In this moving talk, she describes how sharing her personal story gave hope to others and delivers a powerful message against the culture of online shaming.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 13:56
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How we talk about sexual assault online | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How we talk about sexual assault online | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How we talk about sexual assault online | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How we talk about sexual assault online | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How we talk about sexual assault online | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How we talk about sexual assault online | ||
Brian Greene approved English subtitles for How we talk about sexual assault online | ||
Brian Greene edited English subtitles for How we talk about sexual assault online |