1
00:00:09,918 --> 00:00:11,502
Well, thank you.

2
00:00:13,025 --> 00:00:19,007
Our world is a shared experience,
fractured by individual perspectives,

3
00:00:19,008 --> 00:00:20,987
yours and mine.

4
00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:24,220
Imagine if we could all
understand each other.

5
00:00:25,336 --> 00:00:27,425
When I first started my career in magic,

6
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I was doing a lot of performing
in restaurants,

7
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table to table card and coin tricks,
sleight of hand and whoop!

8
00:00:37,386 --> 00:00:39,248
you got a good seat for this.

9
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This one night, I was on fire:
I remember I was fast and funny,

10
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my moves were perfect, I was unstoppable.

11
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I sauntered up to this one table,
an elderly man and his wife,

12
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and said, "Would you like
to see some magic?"

13
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The man looked at me, and he said,

14
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"Sir, I would love to see
some magic, but I can't.

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Unfortunately, I am blind."

16
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I looked at him, really looked at him
for the first time, and it was so clear

17
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he was blind: his eyes were glazy,
he wasn't really looking at me.

18
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Anybody would've known that,
but I was so wrapped up in my evening,

19
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so lost in my world,
I wasn't looking at him.

20
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I just saw two generic people
and launched into my show.

21
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I stood there, embarrassed,
and that word was ringing in my ears,

22
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"blind, blind, blind",
and I had no choice, and I said,

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"I'm sorry, I didn't know.
I don't have anything I can do for you,

24
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but if you come back again sometime,

25
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I promise to have some sort of magic
that I can share with you."

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He said, "I'll hold you to that!",
and I went on with my night.

27
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A few weeks later, they came back in;

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I recognized them immediately,
and I panicked.

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I had completely forgotten about it.

30
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I raced back to the room
where I kept my props,

31
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thinking about every trick I'd ever learned
and every book I'd ever read,

32
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something, anything
I could do for the man,

33
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and then I remembered reading
an obscure idea a long time ago

34
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in an old manuscript, it was all I had.

35
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So I composed myself, I walked back out,
and said, "Hey folks, my name is Brian,

36
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would you like to see some magic?"

37
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And he cut me off, he goes,

38
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"Alright, we are back,
what have you got for me?"

39
00:02:08,436 --> 00:02:09,971
with a big smile on his face.

40
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I asked his wife, "May I sit
next to you?" and she said, "Sure."

41
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I sat down, and I said "Ed,"
- his name was Ed -

42
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do you trust your wife?"

43
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and he said, "Sometimes." (Laughter)

44
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Then I said, "Will you trust her now?"
and he said, "Sure."

45
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So I took out a pack of cards,
gave them to her, and said,

46
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"Mix the cards, make sure
there's no special markings on them,"

47
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and she said, "No, they're fine."

48
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I took Ed's hand and said,
"I'll place a card in your hand

49
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do you think it's a red card
or a black card?"

50
00:02:36,008 --> 00:02:39,804
Then he said red, and he was right;

51
00:02:39,805 --> 00:02:43,117
the next card, he said red,
and he was right again.

52
00:02:43,118 --> 00:02:45,676
I put down the next one,
and he said, "Hmm, black!"

53
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Again he was correct;

54
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,325
his wife is getting skeptical
at this point.

55
00:02:49,326 --> 00:02:53,170
We keep going, red, red, black, black,
red, and he's getting all of them right!

56
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Red, black, red, faster, black, black,
black, red, through the whole deck,

57
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black, black, red, every single one
of them right, and at the end,

58
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Ed is laughing, he's howling,
the whole restaurant is staring at us,

59
00:03:03,236 --> 00:03:08,767
and I turn to see his wife,
and she is weeping tears of joy.

60
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It was the most beautiful magic
I had ever experienced.

61
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A little bit later, I am going
to tell you how we did it.

62
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But the real secret of the trick,
the real secret of magic,

63
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is understanding and taking on
different perspectives,

64
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different points of views.

65
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Let's try to experiment with perspective,
would you like to see some magic?

66
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:33,699
Alright, let's try
a little experiment here.

67
00:03:33,700 --> 00:03:36,104
This is one of old illusions
in magic, here we go.

68
00:03:36,105 --> 00:03:38,418
Check that out for me;
yes please, here you go.

69
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:41,237
That's rope right there,
you can check that out.

70
00:03:41,238 --> 00:03:44,857
I got some more over here, here you go,
one for you yes, and one for you.

71
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Make sure that's what it seems to be;
is it what it seems to be?

72
00:03:48,198 --> 00:03:51,462
Are you what you seem to be? (Laughter)
I don't know what that means.

73
00:03:51,463 --> 00:03:54,474
That's good, I'll take that back,
you look as confused as I do.

74
00:03:54,475 --> 00:03:58,356
Here we go, I'll take that, thank you,
one, two, and three pieces of rope.

75
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Three pieces of rope,
and they're all the same length yes?

76
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,649
It's going to be a tough crowd,
I can tell;

77
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you are going to have
to believe me on this.

78
00:04:06,738 --> 00:04:10,562
So I'll take the ends and I hold them up:
they look like they're the same length.

79
00:04:10,562 --> 00:04:12,964
The ends do, I didn't say
it was a great illusion.

80
00:04:12,965 --> 00:04:16,319
It'll be a tough crowd, I think.
Here we go, I'll prove it to you.

81
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:22,169
Yeah, that's all, thank you! (Applause)

82
00:04:22,170 --> 00:04:25,287
That's the big one right there,
the medium right there,

83
00:04:25,288 --> 00:04:27,636
and that's the small one right there.

84
00:04:27,637 --> 00:04:31,078
There's too many things going on,
so I'll get rid of one of the pieces,

85
00:04:31,079 --> 00:04:33,977
so that it'll be easier to follow
with only two, won't it?

86
00:04:33,978 --> 00:04:36,529
I should just start over,
it'll be little bit simpler.

87
00:04:36,530 --> 00:04:39,297
So sometimes the ends come off,
which is a little unusual,

88
00:04:39,298 --> 00:04:41,486
I'll do that again
just in case you missed it.

89
00:04:41,487 --> 00:04:44,641
There are people who think
that this trick is all about the ends.

90
00:04:44,642 --> 00:04:47,325
That's not true, the middles,
those come off too.

91
00:04:47,326 --> 00:04:49,530
Place the middles right here,
back on the rope,

92
00:04:49,531 --> 00:04:50,889
and we're back in business.

93
00:04:50,890 --> 00:04:53,991
But you guys know this trick
wasn't done with one piece of rope,

94
00:04:53,992 --> 00:04:56,392
it wasn't even done with... two pieces.

95
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It was actually done with--
two of us watched Sesame Street.

96
00:05:00,562 --> 00:05:06,421
That's the big one right there,
that's the medium one right there,

97
00:05:06,422 --> 00:05:10,239
and that's the small one right there;
can you guys tell which one's which?

98
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:14,138
See this one right here?
This is the big one, that's the big one.

99
00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:17,025
That's the medium one,
and that's the small one,

100
00:05:17,026 --> 00:05:19,540
a little illusion to get things started.

101
00:05:19,541 --> 00:05:21,361
(Applause)

102
00:05:22,712 --> 00:05:27,376
Well, thank you very much.
Now, what just happened there?

103
00:05:27,377 --> 00:05:31,347
It seems that you and I had
a very different experience, doesn't it?

104
00:05:31,348 --> 00:05:32,664
What did I see?

105
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,364
I saw the moves,
the sleight of hand, and the juggling.

106
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You probably saw the ends of a rope,
jumping on and off, three different ropes,

107
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changing lengths impossibly,
violating all the laws of physics.

108
00:05:43,154 --> 00:05:48,932
That's just what we saw, what did we feel?
You may have felt, hopefully, wonder?

109
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Maybe amusement? Perhaps frustration?

110
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I felt focus; these are
two very different perspectives

111
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of the same experience.

112
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You see, magicians have a unique dilemma.

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The magician is the only person
who cannot see the magic

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because I know how the trick works,

115
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and that knowledge of the secret
is a limiting perspective.

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So the magician must wholly,
and completely,

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take on the point of view of the audience.

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We do this night after night,
no matter who's out there

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in order to create illusions.

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This is a technique called
"perspective taking".

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Perspective taking is
the ability to see the world

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from the point of view of another person.

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It sounds simple in theory,
but in practice,

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it can be incredibly difficult to do.

125
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For instance, have you guys played around
with one of these before?

126
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Aha, a few of you look excited,

127
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most of you look angry
just because I'm holding one.

128
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I feel flashbacks to childhood,

129
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some of you started twitching
when I took one out.

130
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I love the Rubik's cube;

131
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they're actually easier to solve
than you think they are.

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Take the stickers off, rearrange them,
put them back in the right order?

133
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Break the pieces apart,
put it back together?

134
00:06:59,565 --> 00:07:01,795
I learned how to do this,
and then realized,

135
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:06,193
if you spin it really fast...
it looks like it solves itself.

136
00:07:06,194 --> 00:07:07,454
(Laughter)

137
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:16,168
So what just happened there?
Oh, thank you. (Applause)

138
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Kind of a delayed response,
everybody was just... (Laughter)

139
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So what just happened there?

140
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Well, I know that if I come out,
mix up a Rubik's cube, toss it in the air,

141
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and it comes down solved,
you're all going to to think I'm a jerk.

142
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At the very least, a show off,
and I don't want you to feel like that.

143
00:07:35,579 --> 00:07:38,793
I want you to enjoy the experience
of magic so I make a few jokes.

144
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Take the stickers off, rearrange them,
break the pieces apart, and then you go,

145
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"Oh I did that! My friends, we smashed it
with a hammer, we threw it at a wall!"

146
00:07:46,441 --> 00:07:48,970
When that happens,
you feel like I understand you.

147
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When you feel understood,
we make a connection,

148
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and then I can do the trick,

149
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and we can all enjoy the magic
in that shared space.

150
00:07:56,865 --> 00:08:00,635
So now you know
what perspective taking is.

151
00:08:00,636 --> 00:08:04,323
It's the ability to see the world
from the point of view of another person.

152
00:08:04,324 --> 00:08:06,015
You also know why magicians do it:

153
00:08:06,016 --> 00:08:08,654
to create illusions,
and to connect with the audience.

154
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:09,842
But why should you care?

155
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Well, it turns out this technique
has drastically improved my life

156
00:08:15,141 --> 00:08:19,598
off stage, outside of magic, in more ways
than I could have ever imagined.

157
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I'll explain.

158
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I never had trouble meeting new people:

159
00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:26,806
making friends,
getting into relationships.

160
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But I always struggled to maintain them.

161
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Eventually, the communication
would break down, people would leave,

162
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and I would be alone.

163
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It took a long time to admit it,
but it was my fault, or at least mostly.

164
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The people in my life didn't feel
like I was invested in them.

165
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Now that wasn't true,
but it doesn't matter.

166
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It's not enough to care about somebody;
it's not enough to understand them.

167
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They have to feel understood,
they have to feel cared about,

168
00:09:01,056 --> 00:09:02,715
and I wasn't doing that.

169
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Then I took this technique
I had honed on stage,

170
00:09:05,073 --> 00:09:07,036
and I started using it outside of magic,

171
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and I realized I can make better,
more meaningful connections with people.

172
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I met friends, incredible friends,
that have lasted years,

173
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I met a beautiful, fiercely intelligent
woman, the love of my life,

174
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and I held on to that relationship.

175
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We're actually engaged to be married.

176
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Oh, thank you.

177
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(Applause)

178
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She'll be happy to hear that.

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None of that would have been
possible before.

180
00:09:30,689 --> 00:09:33,091
So of course the question then becomes

181
00:09:33,092 --> 00:09:36,122
how, how do you do it,
how do you do perspective taking?

182
00:09:36,123 --> 00:09:38,608
Well, first you need
to understand the difference

183
00:09:38,609 --> 00:09:42,197
between visual perspective
and emotional perspective.

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00:09:42,198 --> 00:09:44,953
Magicians traditionally deal
with visual perspective.

185
00:09:44,954 --> 00:09:46,290
We need to know, literally,

186
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what the trick looks like to the audience.

187
00:09:48,931 --> 00:09:52,399
So we practice in front of mirrors,
we film ourselves and watch it back,

188
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,443
but relationships are primarily
about emotional perspective.

189
00:09:55,444 --> 00:09:58,338
How is somebody feeling
about our interaction?

190
00:09:58,339 --> 00:10:00,191
It seems like a difficult thing to do,

191
00:10:00,192 --> 00:10:02,606
to get to know someone's
emotional perspective,

192
00:10:02,607 --> 00:10:04,686
but let's get back to Ed, Ed and his wife.

193
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,674
The relevant question for Ed was,

194
00:10:06,675 --> 00:10:10,399
"What would magic feel like
to someone who is blind?"

195
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,297
I didn't want Ed to feel tricked,
that was important to me.

196
00:10:13,298 --> 00:10:16,842
I don't know, but I have to imagine
if you are blind, you could be tricked

197
00:10:16,843 --> 00:10:18,454
by anybody, at anytime.

198
00:10:18,455 --> 00:10:21,539
So I didn't Ed want to feel tricked;
I wanted him to feel magic,

199
00:10:21,540 --> 00:10:23,249
I wanted him to be magical,

200
00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:26,279
and his wife, this woman to spends
her life looking out for him,

201
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,188
I wanted her to see him in that light,

202
00:10:28,189 --> 00:10:30,639
and for them to share
in that experience together.

203
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:33,662
So if you want to get to know
someone's emotional perspective,

204
00:10:33,663 --> 00:10:35,890
one of the simplest way to do it, ask.

205
00:10:35,891 --> 00:10:37,406
Ask questions.

206
00:10:37,407 --> 00:10:39,756
Too often we're afraid
to ask people questions

207
00:10:39,757 --> 00:10:43,363
because we feel like it will be rude,
or somehow they won't want to answer,

208
00:10:43,364 --> 00:10:46,903
but we underestimate people's
willingness to answer our questions.

209
00:10:46,904 --> 00:10:49,950
Before the trick, I asked Ed,
"Have you always been blind?"

210
00:10:49,951 --> 00:10:51,483
He said yes.

211
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:54,308
To me that was crucial,
relevant information.

212
00:10:54,309 --> 00:10:57,363
It seems that a person
who has never been able to see

213
00:10:57,364 --> 00:11:00,681
will have a different perspective
from somebody who had their sight,

214
00:11:00,682 --> 00:11:03,867
and then lost it to accident, or illness.

215
00:11:03,868 --> 00:11:06,445
With Ed I cannot even use
the language of sight.

216
00:11:06,446 --> 00:11:08,815
So by asking questions,
I can adjust my tone,

217
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,444
my demeanor, even my language,

218
00:11:11,445 --> 00:11:14,645
so that he feels understood
and we can make a connection.

219
00:11:20,525 --> 00:11:25,629
Now, if you're going to learn this,
it's important not simply to ask questions

220
00:11:25,630 --> 00:11:30,685
but to listen to the answers,
and listen to understand.

221
00:11:30,686 --> 00:11:34,520
Don't just listen to respond,
or to reply, and you've heard it before.

222
00:11:34,521 --> 00:11:38,015
This is where I went wrong
most in my life, I think.

223
00:11:38,016 --> 00:11:39,673
You've heard to before,

224
00:11:39,674 --> 00:11:41,839
and we're all guilty of it
from time to time.

225
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,701
But too often we listen to people
only with the intention

226
00:11:44,702 --> 00:11:48,439
of coming up with something clever
to say so as soon as their lips stop,

227
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:50,229
we can jump in and say our thing.

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We've all done it, we're all guilty,
but I did this especially badly,

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and I think to the detriments
of my relationships.

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Have you ever asked for somebody's name,
and instantly forgotten it?

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Why do we forget people's names?

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Because while they're telling us
their name, we're thinking

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about how we're going to say ours:
first name, last name, Mr. Miller, Brian.

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We're not listening, we're on our end
of the conversation only.

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So you can start to learn this technique:

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ask questions, listen
to understand the answers.

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When you do that I think you'll find
you can make better,

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more meaningful connections with people,
personally and professionally.

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It drastically improved my life,
and I really believe it can improve yours.

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So, Ed.

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How did Ed, a blind man, see the cards?

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The answer, as in most great magic,
was actually very simple.

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I sat across from him,
and underneath the table,

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I placed my foot gently on top of his.

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Then I gave him these instructions;
"If you think the card is a red card,"

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and I pushed my foot down
on his once, "then you say red."

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If you think it's a black card,"
and I pushed my foot down on his twice,

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"then you say black."

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I was teaching Ed a secret system
of communication,

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where I would let him know
what color the card was,

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by the foot taps,
once for red, twice for black.

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I repeated the instructions,
"if you think it's a red card, say red.

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If you think it's a black card, say black"
and then I squeezed his hands gently,

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and I asked, "Do you understand?"

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He smiled, and said, "Yes, I understand."

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I knew then that we had connected.

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When it was all said and done,
I taught his wife how we did it,

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like I just taught you,

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so they could do it
for their friends and family.

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Ed was so excited, he couldn't wait
to see his grandkids that weekend

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so he could, quote,
"freak them out completely!"

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(Laughter)

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See, magic isn't about the technical skill
or a trick, or even the secret!

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Magic is about connecting.
Life is about connecting.

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Connecting is about taking on
other points of view.

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You see, our world is a shared experience,

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fractured by individual perspectives.

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Imagine if we could all feel understood.

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Thank you.

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(Applause)