WEBVTT 00:00:46.091 --> 00:00:49.208 Let's talk about the facts of life. 00:00:49.208 --> 00:00:52.166 You remember that conversation you had when you were a kid 00:00:52.166 --> 00:00:53.380 about sex 00:00:53.380 --> 00:00:54.742 or drugs 00:00:54.742 --> 00:00:58.336 with your parents or some trusted adult? 00:00:58.336 --> 00:01:00.044 Probably not 00:01:00.044 --> 00:01:01.402 because it's a myth. 00:01:01.402 --> 00:01:03.228 You don't talk to kids about that stuff. 00:01:03.228 --> 00:01:05.477 It's just so embarrassing. 00:01:09.356 --> 00:01:11.312 And, hey, maybe that's OK. 00:01:11.312 --> 00:01:13.289 We've been outsourcing the facts of life for decades. 00:01:13.289 --> 00:01:15.316 We spend billions of dollars on it. 00:01:15.316 --> 00:01:18.391 So, why talk to kids when you can just turn on the TV? 00:01:18.391 --> 00:01:22.206 I learned about drugs from an egg and a frying pan: 00:01:22.206 --> 00:01:23.551 "This is drugs, 00:01:23.551 --> 00:01:25.033 and this is your brain on drugs. 00:01:25.033 --> 00:01:26.179 Pssssssss. 00:01:26.179 --> 00:01:27.617 Any questions?" 00:01:27.617 --> 00:01:29.700 Yeah, actually, I did. 00:01:29.700 --> 00:01:31.750 But it's not about questions. 00:01:36.549 --> 00:01:37.797 It's about data. 00:01:39.151 --> 00:01:40.644 In the 1980's when I was growing up, 00:01:40.644 --> 00:01:43.095 those data were terrifying parents: 00:01:43.496 --> 00:01:46.724 1% of high school seniors had try heroin, 00:01:46.724 --> 00:01:47.892 12% hallucinogens, 00:01:47.892 --> 00:01:49.113 12% tranquilizers, 00:01:49.113 --> 00:01:50.831 17% cocaine, 00:01:50.831 --> 00:01:52.547 26% stimulants, 00:01:52.547 --> 00:01:55.755 and over 50% of us had tried marijuana. 00:01:55.755 --> 00:01:57.524 It was an epidemic! 00:01:57.524 --> 00:01:59.203 At least, that's what they told us. 00:01:59.203 --> 00:02:02.594 And marijuana was the gateway drug, leading to all the harder stuff. 00:02:02.594 --> 00:02:06.697 Of course, 92% of us were drinking alcohol, 00:02:06.697 --> 00:02:10.087 and that was killing more of us than all drugs combined. 00:02:10.087 --> 00:02:12.898 But, nevermind, it's legal. 00:02:12.898 --> 00:02:15.157 So we declared war on drugs! 00:02:15.157 --> 00:02:17.437 Nancy Reagan was our general. 00:02:17.437 --> 00:02:20.719 All drugs will kill you, so just say, "No!" 00:02:20.719 --> 00:02:22.327 Just say, "No!" to pot. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:22.327 --> 00:02:24.015 Just say, "No!" to cocaine. 00:02:24.015 --> 00:02:26.938 Just say, "No!" to everything. 00:02:28.092 --> 00:02:29.227 So simple! 00:02:29.227 --> 00:02:30.811 If you want to save kids, 00:02:30.811 --> 00:02:32.671 you have to scare the hell out of them! 00:02:32.671 --> 00:02:35.901 And we spent ridiculous amounts of money doing that. 00:02:35.901 --> 00:02:39.996 Soon that war on drugs spread to become a war on sex. 00:02:39.996 --> 00:02:43.682 We were pushing abstinence on kids to fight AIDS. 00:02:43.682 --> 00:02:46.688 And when all the data finally came home, 00:02:46.688 --> 00:02:47.991 guess what: 00:02:48.852 --> 00:02:51.291 completely ineffective. 00:02:51.291 --> 00:02:55.791 We love big solutions to big problems, don't we? 00:02:55.791 --> 00:02:58.045 What if the facts of life don't work that way? 00:02:58.615 --> 00:03:03.862 What if the experience of having that conversation can't be mass-produced? 00:03:03.862 --> 00:03:05.634 What if it can't be scaled up? 00:03:06.619 --> 00:03:09.362 Well, that would be very frustrating for everyone in this industry, wouldn't it? 00:03:09.362 --> 00:03:11.767 And, many of them are really trying to help. 00:03:11.767 --> 00:03:13.083 Who, then? 00:03:13.499 --> 00:03:14.564 Us. 00:03:15.103 --> 00:03:16.755 We have to talk to kids. 00:03:16.755 --> 00:03:18.887 Openly and honestly. 00:03:18.887 --> 00:03:20.892 But are we ready to be honest? 00:03:21.693 --> 00:03:23.309 I don't think so. 00:03:23.740 --> 00:03:25.712 We mythologize childhood. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:28.145 --> 00:03:29.879 Mine was in Stone Mountain, Georgia, 00:03:29.879 --> 00:03:33.501 a completely typical 1980's American suburb. 00:03:33.501 --> 00:03:37.963 For the parents, a wholesome paradise of bridge parties and tennis games. 00:03:37.963 --> 00:03:42.783 For us kids, we were all working on a secret research project, 00:03:42.783 --> 00:03:45.669 and our laboratory was in the woods after school, 00:03:45.669 --> 00:03:48.138 under the covers during sleep-overs, 00:03:48.138 --> 00:03:49.827 really, any opportunity we could take 00:03:49.827 --> 00:03:53.100 to peel off our clothes and investigate. 00:03:53.100 --> 00:03:54.715 What were these things, 00:03:54.715 --> 00:03:55.446 bodies? 00:03:55.446 --> 00:03:56.530 What do they do? 00:03:56.530 --> 00:03:58.208 We had to figure them out 00:03:58.208 --> 00:03:59.740 and that's childhood. 00:03:59.740 --> 00:04:01.544 It's not just fun and games, 00:04:01.544 --> 00:04:04.568 it's actually a Manhattan project of nakedness. 00:04:04.923 --> 00:04:07.867 And then you walk into your first class in middle school, 00:04:07.867 --> 00:04:09.564 and the bomb goes off. 00:04:10.549 --> 00:04:12.276 You are not just a body any more. 00:04:14.535 --> 00:04:16.981 Oh no, now you are grotesque. 00:04:17.936 --> 00:04:21.046 That's when the suffering really starts. 00:04:21.677 --> 00:04:24.030 So, yeah, talk to kids. 00:04:24.030 --> 00:04:26.812 But if you are not honest about your own experiences first, 00:04:26.812 --> 00:04:30.425 everything you say smells like bullshit. 00:04:31.210 --> 00:04:33.830 Don't worry, you can practice 00:04:34.584 --> 00:04:37.447 and you should start by talking to the one kid you definitely know: 00:04:37.447 --> 00:04:38.927 you. 00:04:39.806 --> 00:04:41.922 What kind of kid were you? 00:04:41.922 --> 00:04:43.977 What troubled you? 00:04:45.008 --> 00:04:47.792 For me, it was age 13. 00:04:47.793 --> 00:04:50.230 That was the worst year. 00:04:50.230 --> 00:04:53.223 I was obsessively curious about sex 00:04:53.223 --> 00:04:55.763 and also deeply ashamed by it. 00:04:55.763 --> 00:04:58.821 It wasn't my only problem, of course, not by a long shot, 00:04:58.821 --> 00:05:02.152 but it was the beginning of a downward spiral. 00:05:02.152 --> 00:05:03.646 And my bad luck was to hit bottom 00:05:03.646 --> 00:05:07.518 while watching "The Wall" by Pink Floyd, 00:05:07.518 --> 00:05:11.425 which is a bad idea for a miserable 13-year old high on weed. 00:05:11.425 --> 00:05:14.001 So, that night, for whatever reason, 00:05:14.001 --> 00:05:18.260 it seemed like good idea to shave off my eyebrows, 00:05:18.260 --> 00:05:22.443 and then try to kill myself by swallowing all the pills in the bathroom, 00:05:22.443 --> 00:05:24.556 which was not at all fatal, 00:05:24.556 --> 00:05:27.479 but everyone noticed the eyebrows. 00:05:27.479 --> 00:05:30.301 And that made middle school extra fun. 00:05:30.301 --> 00:05:32.724 So, what was your low point? 00:05:32.724 --> 00:05:36.828 And if you could build a time machine to travel back and talk to that kid, 00:05:36.828 --> 00:05:39.459 what would you say to yourself? 00:05:39.459 --> 00:05:40.763 For me, it was easy. 00:05:40.763 --> 00:05:43.222 All I really needed was someone to reassure me 00:05:43.222 --> 00:05:46.479 that somehow I was a normal part of the universe. 00:05:46.479 --> 00:05:48.942 But I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone. 00:05:48.942 --> 00:05:51.596 And yet weirdly, I fully expected a time traveler 00:05:51.596 --> 00:05:52.793 to materialize at any time 00:05:52.793 --> 00:05:54.739 because I was a geek. 00:05:54.739 --> 00:05:57.147 I didn't know if it would be my unborn son 00:05:57.147 --> 00:05:59.270 or a T-101 cyborg. 00:05:59.747 --> 00:06:02.292 But either one would be awesome! 00:06:17.816 --> 00:06:22.599 Hey, it's me, yourself from the future, in the year 2012. 00:06:22.599 --> 00:06:26.589 I have crucial information for you, but not about the future, about the past, 00:06:26.589 --> 00:06:29.911 a billion years in the past, when this planet was covered with nothing but cells 00:06:29.911 --> 00:06:32.281 and all they did was fight, eat, and divide; 00:06:32.281 --> 00:06:34.402 fight, eat, and divide. 00:06:34.402 --> 00:06:35.805 Except for one. 00:06:37.037 --> 00:06:39.104 And that's your ancestor. 00:06:39.104 --> 00:06:40.825 This cell enslaved other ones, 00:06:40.825 --> 00:06:43.589 but master and slave became one. 00:06:43.589 --> 00:06:46.427 And then those cells invented sex, 00:06:46.427 --> 00:06:47.888 and then they invented the first bodies 00:06:47.888 --> 00:06:49.722 with each cell doing a different job, 00:06:49.722 --> 00:06:50.249 some smelling, 00:06:50.249 --> 00:06:51.520 some moving, 00:06:51.520 --> 00:06:53.629 some eating. 00:06:53.629 --> 00:06:57.620 And the job of sex went to a special cell called the gamete. 00:06:58.744 --> 00:07:02.477 And those bodies became giant. 00:07:07.770 --> 00:07:10.927 The distance to the next body was vast so they had to swim. 00:07:10.927 --> 00:07:14.721 Most would be lost and die so they were mass-produced. 00:07:14.721 --> 00:07:19.426 Soon the oceans were a non-stop riot of sex and death 00:07:19.426 --> 00:07:24.397 until 500 million years ago, when the first beast crawled onto land. 00:07:33.443 --> 00:07:35.441 Land is hard 00:07:35.441 --> 00:07:37.587 because bodies are heavy. 00:07:37.587 --> 00:07:39.583 And the sun kills gametes. 00:07:39.583 --> 00:07:41.327 To keep them safe, 00:07:46.639 --> 00:07:48.722 so deep inside of a body, 00:07:48.722 --> 00:07:51.388 the mother builds a tiny ocean. 00:07:54.081 --> 00:07:57.942 Outside are events of unimaginable violence. 00:07:57.942 --> 00:08:00.205 Whole new forms of life are being created 00:08:00.205 --> 00:08:02.421 only to be wiped away. 00:08:02.421 --> 00:08:05.570 Millions of years are flashing by. 00:08:05.570 --> 00:08:08.698 But in here, it's always the same. 00:08:11.175 --> 00:08:12.225 Peace. 00:08:13.549 --> 00:08:14.856 Just peace. 00:08:18.257 --> 00:08:20.746 Maybe we will never know why, 00:08:20.746 --> 00:08:24.501 but of all the possible bodies that have appeared on this planet, 00:08:24.501 --> 00:08:26.399 it was this one, 00:08:26.399 --> 00:08:28.099 bilaterally symmetric, 00:08:28.099 --> 00:08:29.723 warm-blooded, 00:08:29.723 --> 00:08:30.915 bigger than a mouse, 00:08:30.915 --> 00:08:32.597 smaller than a horse, 00:08:32.597 --> 00:08:35.397 2 legs, 10 toes, 00:08:35.397 --> 00:08:37.066 no tail, 00:08:37.066 --> 00:08:39.006 big brain, 00:08:39.006 --> 00:08:40.334 language, 00:08:40.334 --> 00:08:42.021 technology, 00:08:42.021 --> 00:08:42.835 and civilization 00:08:42.835 --> 00:08:45.501 rising and falling for thousands of years. 00:08:49.298 --> 00:08:51.530 And here you are, 00:08:51.530 --> 00:08:53.381 a 13-year old human 00:08:53.381 --> 00:08:56.271 perplexed and embarrassed about sex. 00:08:56.271 --> 00:08:58.683 That's what I came here to tell you: 00:08:58.683 --> 00:09:03.650 we don't know why sex evolved nor why it persists. 00:09:03.650 --> 00:09:06.853 Why don't we just clone ourselves like all life did a billion years ago? 00:09:06.853 --> 00:09:08.328 It's so much more efficient. 00:09:08.328 --> 00:09:12.345 We would all have babies, no mates. 00:09:12.345 --> 00:09:17.481 It could be that children who are genetically different from each other are protected from disease. 00:09:17.481 --> 00:09:21.015 And that is still our best guess. 00:09:21.015 --> 00:09:24.840 So be comforted to know that even in the distant future, 00:09:24.840 --> 00:09:27.286 in the year 2012, 00:09:27.286 --> 00:09:30.090 we still don't know what sex is for. 00:09:30.090 --> 00:09:31.508 It is perplexing. 00:09:32.815 --> 00:09:35.179 You shouldn't be embarrassed by it. 00:09:36.288 --> 00:09:38.645 Sex is a beautiful puzzle. 00:09:40.860 --> 00:09:43.388 And without it, you simply would not be here. 00:10:03.265 --> 00:10:05.310 By the way, 00:10:05.310 --> 00:10:07.776 be nice to your little sister. 00:10:07.776 --> 00:10:11.635 She's your best friend. You'll see.