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I am a comedian.

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I had two dreams in my life
when I was little.

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The first one was to become a comedian.

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And the second was to get rid of
inequality because I thought it unfair

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that to become a comedian was
a possibility, even a conceivable dream.

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while other people less fortunate than me,
could even imagine such an idea.

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Because as Oscar Wilde once said,

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"In a nation, there's
a part of the population

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that think more about money than the rich

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and those are the poor people."

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The poor people can't think
of anything else.

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This is what the curse of being poor is.

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The first dream came true.
But the second hasn't yet.

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I told myself I would find a technique

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to eradicate the inequalities:
marry a billionaire.

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I calculated that if 7 billion people
each married one of 1827 billionaires:

17
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on the basis
of joint ownership of property,

18
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in only one generation,
we would be able to eradicate inequality.

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Well, I'm not an expert in probability.
I'm better in statistics.

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I calculated that today

21
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I had one chance out of 6 of marrying
someone who suffered from hunger.

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And was not anorexic: malnourished.

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One chance in 4 of marrying someone
who earned less than $1.25 per day.

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A very, very poor person
from Asia or Africa.

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One chance in 2 of marrying someone
who earned less than $2 a day.

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In other words, even in Europe,
you don't earn much.

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And one chance in...

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8 millions of marrying a billionaire.

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Is there anyone here who earns
more than 10 millions euros a year?

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One again, a room full of poor people.

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(Laughter)

32
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Hey, it's not so bad; we're may be poor,
but we're are happy!

33
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So, a billionaire. Let me explain.

34
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Because for poor people,
these figures may appear a bit vague.

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A billionaire is someone
that has 999 million more than 1.

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There are only 1826 of them
in the world. That's nothing.

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That would be animals
that would be a preserved species.

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(Laughter)

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That's that reason we don't have the right
to kill them for their fur.

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(Laughter)

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Or even make sushi out of them.

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The wealthiest man
in the world is Bill Gates.

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The second wealthiest
is Carlos Slim Helú.

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He owns 15% of Mexico.

45
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He owns the phone companies,
hotels, television networks.

46
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As a result, better not play
a killer game of Monopoly with him.

47
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Mine, mine...

48
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(Laughter)

49
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And following behind, Warren Buffett.

50
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He's the CEO of Berkshire Hathaway,
an investment fund.

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He buys shares and sells them.

52
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He hasn't manufactured anything,

53
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hasn't invented anything,
he has 50 billions.

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I love Warren.

55
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(Laughter)

56
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He never changes his car.
He still lives in the same house.

57
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He married the cafe waitress
from across the street.

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He only traveled one time in his life.

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He went to China, and didn't like it.

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And his thing is to eat
a T-bone steak on Fridays.

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He's number 3 of 7 billionaires.

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and when he dies, he will leave
all his fortune to Bill Gates.

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(Laughter)

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For his charity.
They repaint the schools.

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(Laughter)

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Hey, but pretty darn well
with a paintbrush.

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(Laughter)

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He's going to give
everything back to the poor.

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I can't understand that.

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He spent his whole life
living off the work of the poor.

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He didn't pay them much.
And he more or less succeeded.

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And at the end, what does he tell them?
"Surprise, it was only a joke?"

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(Laughter)

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It was not necessary to exploit people
if you didn't want to earn money.

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It's like people who catch
and release fish for pleasure.

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and then release the fish in the water.

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Fair-play, noble gesture.

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I personally don't think
that's a noble gesture.

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to humiliate a fish
and to pierce its mouth.

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Warren impoverishes people just for sport.

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(Laughter)

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Well you're going to say,"It's
a good idea to get rid of inequalities."

83
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But what should you do
to marry a billionaire?"

84
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It's very easy.
You should study the Forbes' list.

85
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It comes out every year

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with the names of billionaires
in descending order and with their photos.

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Well, I made posters.

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George Clooney, he's the best looking,
but he's not on the list.

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(Laughter)

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There''s Hugh Grant.

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No, not that one. The other one.
That one is a poor guy.

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His namesake.

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(Laughter)

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He's the CEO of Monsanto.

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To become a billionaire,
you only need to have a good idea.

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He had the idea of getting a patent
on grains, seeds, apples.

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He only had to think about it.

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In the Forbes List, there's no actors,
football players, no singers.

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There is a clown.

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Guy, a man from Quebec,
the creator of Cirque Du Soleil.

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He's number 1006.

102
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Well, that's not bad for a fire-eater.

103
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And he's a real billionaire.

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His last vacation, for his birthday,
he went to Soyuz.

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It's not in Russia. It's higher. In orbit.

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You didn't know, but it's uncommon
to take a vacation on Earth.

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I can't really tell you how to recognize
a billionaire in one evening.

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There is really no sign.

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On the contrary, I can tell you
how to recognize a poor person.

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If he's wearing brands that you recognize.

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The little Ralph Lauren horse,
a Rolex, a Porsche, that's a poor guy.

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A billionaire has no external sign
of being rich. At least not on himself.

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Abramovitch, the Russian billionaire.
His external sign of being rich's Chelsea.

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(Laughter)

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The English football club.

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Well, I made some notes.

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I made you a good one
so not to discourage you.

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Larry Ellison.

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He's the CEO of Oracle
and Java on computers.

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It's a free thing.
Who knows how he did it.

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(Laughter)

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What "oh" he's good.

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Wait, there's still others.
You're going to be sorry.

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(Laughter)

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George Soros.
He invented the hedge funds.

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And then, he ruined
England, the franc.

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And at this time, he love the euro.

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Pay attention, the best progress of
the year is thanks to whom?

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Thanks to us: Zara.

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Amancio Ortega,
fourth richest in the world.

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Does anyone speak Spanish?

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He just lost his wife.

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(Laughter)

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That's terrible.

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Look out men...

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Ta-da!

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(Laughter)

138
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It's Jacqueline Mars of Mars.

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Of "a Mars and it sets off". It's hers.

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She's super nice.

141
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You know who it is?

142
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No?

143
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I'm happy that I'm here
to show you the nice ones.

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Without me, you would only be
good for marriages for love.

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(Laughter)

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Lakshmi Mittal. He manufactures steel.

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His best business is Kazakhstan.

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He bought a part of the country,
a whole region.

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The iron and coal mines, the factories,
the electric power plant, the railroads.

150
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As a result, he was given
a gift to the people.

151
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(Laughter)

152
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That's normal it's a commercial gesture.

153
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Every year, he goes around the world
10 times with his jet.

154
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Imagine the mileage?

155
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(Laughter)

156
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He must have earned a free trip by now.

157
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On Pluto.

158
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To have discussions with billionaires
you have to be able to talk to them.

159
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to know a little about their lives.

160
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In the Forbes list there are
billionaires whose jobs we know about:

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Ingvar Kamprad, the CEO of Ikea.

162
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We know he builds furniture.

163
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And then, he cuts them down,
and he puts them in very small boxes.

164
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Because as a child, he was very poor.
He sold matches.

165
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Well, that remained with him.

166
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Then, there are CEOs,
that frankly we don't know anything about.

167
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" What does your husband do?"
"Algorithms."

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"What?"
"He invented Google."

169
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It's an algorithm.

170
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One enters a word in a search
engine, and thanks to PageRank

171
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a line of code of 2 billion terms
with 500 millions variables,

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the information
goes into the computer wires,

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in a data center in the region.

174
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There are server farms.

175
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It's air conditioned
because it can't be too hot.

176
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And thanks to an electric signal,

177
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the information is transmitted
to your computer via fiber optics.

178
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What's funny is that it takes
less than two seconds for a full circuit.

179
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It's instantaneous.

180
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My husband is the 20th richest
of 7 billionaires, he's really nice.

181
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But, frankly, when he talks...

182
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(Laughter)

183
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Well, I don't understand a word.

184
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Beware of scams.

185
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:38,249
In the Forbes list,
there are few African billionaires.

186
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Very few African billionaires,
they couldn't get it.

187
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But, they try.

188
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For example, in Ethiopia,
they're the ones who invented coffee.

189
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Coffee, now that's a great invention.

190
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It's the top traded
agricultural product in the world.

191
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The problem is they didn't register it.

192
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(Laughter)

193
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As a result, they don't see color in it.

194
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Where as Nestle is made by the Swiss.

195
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They registered it.

196
00:11:07,228 --> 00:11:08,778
(Laughter)

197
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I don't know why you have to like
opera in order to marry a billionaire.

198
00:11:16,459 --> 00:11:17,584
But whatever you do,

199
00:11:17,585 --> 00:11:21,043
you must read the women's
supplement of the Financial Times.

200
00:11:21,044 --> 00:11:23,238
It's titled "How to spend it?"

201
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,751
"What am I going to do
with that?"

202
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That really exists.

203
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Above all, you have to
to learn to speak the lingo,

204
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"Sweetheart? Did you
see the keys to the Falcon?"

205
00:11:34,518 --> 00:11:36,748
I have to run an errand.

206
00:11:36,751 --> 00:11:39,750
While I think of it, don't you think
that we should trade in the plane?

207
00:11:39,751 --> 00:11:41,918
I don't like flying in last year's model.

208
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:44,210
It's feels like flying in an old dress.

209
00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:47,839
The last model of the Bombardier:
too cutesy, makes you think of a keychain.

210
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,750
60 square meter all in leather.

211
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,502
And you know that it's the only jet

212
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:54,460
capable of going around the world
with only one stopover.

213
00:11:54,461 --> 00:11:58,708
It's an awesome way to
to go visit the kids at school."

214
00:11:58,709 --> 00:12:05,500
And I think that 95% of the world
population has never been on a plane.

215
00:12:05,501 --> 00:12:06,750
Oh, it's not bad.

216
00:12:06,751 --> 00:12:08,570
It's worth saying the remaining 5% are

217
00:12:08,571 --> 00:12:10,581
the ones who have
a blast and who pollute.

218
00:12:10,582 --> 00:12:14,209
But as a result, regarding the poor,
they did a cute thing.

219
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In India, near Delhi,
they set up decommissioned Boeing plane.

220
00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:21,542
And for 125 rupees,
the equivalent of 3 euros,

221
00:12:21,542 --> 00:12:26,249
on weekends, they take
their families on a plane ride.

222
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They were their Sunday best saris.

223
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They tear off their tickets.

224
00:12:29,835 --> 00:12:32,980
There's a steward,
airline hostesses, a captain.

225
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They are served a drink and tray meals.

226
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They are given safety instructions,

227
00:12:39,501 --> 00:12:45,999
"Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome aboard Air Nowhere.

228
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Please fasten your seat belts.

229
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:51,500
You have to attach the
seat belt like this.

230
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You should also know
that you manufactured them."

231
00:12:56,751 --> 00:12:58,500
(Laughter)

232
00:12:58,501 --> 00:13:01,918
"In case of depressurization,

233
00:13:01,938 --> 00:13:06,791
well, very unlikely, we have air masks.

234
00:13:06,792 --> 00:13:09,501
I'm not going to give you
the life jacket spiel.

235
00:13:09,502 --> 00:13:12,626
That's done for the wealthy,
they don't like having no hope.

236
00:13:12,627 --> 00:13:18,041
But frankly, they ought to have
put a pair of skis, goggles, and a tuba.

237
00:13:18,042 --> 00:13:20,251
That would have been the same thing."

238
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All the same, except they don't fly.

239
00:13:22,626 --> 00:13:25,625
Well at the end of 2 hours,
when they get off the plane,

240
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they are happy anyway.

241
00:13:28,248 --> 00:13:29,764
That's like in Gaza.

242
00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:32,245
There's no zebra in their zoo.

243
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So they paint the donkeys.

244
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They cover them with scotch tape
to stay in the lines.

245
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:43,209
But, they do a hell of a job
with a paintbrush.

246
00:13:44,209 --> 00:13:49,958
The billionaires invented
an incredible thing. It's a slot machine.

247
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:53,460
It's quite a good thing
that we aren't familiar with

248
00:13:53,501 --> 00:13:57,751
where a bit of money from each person
in the whole world quickly disappears.

249
00:13:57,752 --> 00:14:00,252
However, they're the last,
and they're hopeful.

250
00:14:00,253 --> 00:14:04,500
"The vacuum cleaner
that doesn't lose its power."

251
00:14:04,501 --> 00:14:07,252
That's Dyson, who's a billionaire.

252
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:10,751
That's it.

253
00:14:10,751 --> 00:14:13,750
Now you know how to marry a billionaire.

254
00:14:13,751 --> 00:14:18,249
How to talk to them, learn
to understand and to like them.

255
00:14:18,250 --> 00:14:23,751
I hope that it will be you
on the Forbes list next year.

256
00:14:23,751 --> 00:14:28,500
In 2009, at the beginning
of the crisis, there were 793.

257
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:31,751
Today, there are 1,826 billionaires.

258
00:14:31,792 --> 00:14:37,291
I hope that tomorrow,
we will be the 7 billionaires on the list.

259
00:14:37,292 --> 00:14:38,542
(Applause)