WEBVTT

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I date younger men,

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predominantly men in their 20s.

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And when I date younger men,

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I have sex with younger men.

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And when I have sex with younger men

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I encounter, very directly and personally,

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the real ramifications of the creeping ubiquity

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of hardcore pornography in our culture.

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So, in an era where

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hardcore porn is more freely

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and widely available on the Internet than ever before,

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and where kids are therefore able to access it

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at a younger and younger age than ever before,

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there is an entire generation growing up

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that believes that what you see in hardcore pornograpy

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is the way that you have sex.

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And this is particularly exacerbated

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because we live in a puritanical, double-standards culture

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where people believe that a teen abstinence campaign

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will actually work,

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where parents are too embarrassed

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to have conversations about sex with their children,

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and where educational institutions

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are terrified of being politically incorrect

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if they pick up those conversations.

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And so it's not surprising

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that hardcore pornography, de facto,

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has become sex education.

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Now, as a mature, experienced, confident, older woman,

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when I encounter this

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I have no problem realizing that a certain amount of reeducation,

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rehabilitation and reorientation has to take place.

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(Applause)

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Anybody who is offended by sexually explicit language,

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please cover their ears now,

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and I will raise my hand when you can uncover them.

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So, I have no problem

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responding, as I have regularly had to,

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"Actually no, thank you very much, I would much rather

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you did not come on my face."

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My concern is both with a young guy who believes,

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because hardcore pornography has taught him,

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but my concern is particularly with a young girl

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whose boyfriend wants to come on her face,

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she does not want him to come on her face,

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but hardcore porn has taught her

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that all men love coming on women's faces,

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all women love having their faces come on,

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and therefore she must let him come on her face,

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and she must pretend to like it.

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(Laughter)

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So, I am launching, at TED today ...

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I am unveiling MakeLoveNotPorn.com.

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(Applause)

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This is a website that posts the myths of hardcore porn,

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and balances them with the reality.

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And it's important to say, by the way,

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that this is absolutely not about judgement.

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This is not about good and bad.

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Sex is the area of human experience

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that embraces the vastest possible range of proclivities.

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This is also not anti-porn.

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I am a fan of hardcore porn;

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I watch it regularly myself,

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although my overriding criteria when selecting it

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has to be to find something

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that does not resemble, overly, open-heart surgery.

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(Laughter)

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But because the porn industry is

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driven by men, funded by men,

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managed by men, directed by men and targeted at men,

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porn tends to present one worldview.

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Porn says, "This is the way it is."

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And what I want to say is, "Not necessarily."

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So, please go to MakeLoveNotPorn.com.

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I want to ask the TED audience to do two things.

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Be aware this is an issue,

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because I would never have realized it if I had not encountered it myself.

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And please visit the website.

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Please see what you think.

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(Laughter)

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Comment. And please pass it on.

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Please send the link to anybody you think would be intereseted

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and use it to start a dialogue.

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Use it to reframe an open, healthy conversation around sex,

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in order to help and facilitate

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open, healthy and better sexual relationships. Thank you very much.

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(Applause)