0:00:15.353,0:00:17.630
I date younger men,

0:00:17.630,0:00:20.000
predominantly men in their 20s.

0:00:20.000,0:00:22.000
And when I date younger men,

0:00:22.000,0:00:24.000
I have sex with younger men.

0:00:24.000,0:00:26.000
And when I have sex with younger men

0:00:26.000,0:00:29.000
I encounter, very directly and personally,

0:00:29.000,0:00:33.000
the real ramifications of the creeping ubiquity

0:00:33.000,0:00:36.000
of hardcore pornography in our culture.

0:00:36.000,0:00:39.000
So, in an era where

0:00:39.000,0:00:41.000
hardcore porn is more freely

0:00:41.000,0:00:44.000
and widely available on the Internet than ever before,

0:00:44.000,0:00:47.000
and where kids are therefore able to access it

0:00:47.000,0:00:50.000
at a younger and younger age than ever before,

0:00:50.000,0:00:52.000
there is an entire generation growing up

0:00:52.000,0:00:55.000
that believes that what you see in hardcore pornograpy

0:00:55.000,0:00:58.000
is the way that you have sex.

0:00:58.000,0:01:00.000
And this is particularly exacerbated

0:01:00.000,0:01:04.000
because we live in a puritanical, double-standards culture

0:01:04.000,0:01:07.000
where people believe that a teen abstinence campaign

0:01:07.000,0:01:09.000
will actually work,

0:01:09.000,0:01:11.000
where parents are too embarrassed

0:01:11.000,0:01:13.000
to have conversations about sex with their children,

0:01:13.000,0:01:16.000
and where educational institutions

0:01:16.000,0:01:19.000
are terrified of being politically incorrect

0:01:19.000,0:01:21.000
if they pick up those conversations.

0:01:21.000,0:01:23.000
And so it's not surprising

0:01:23.000,0:01:25.000
that hardcore pornography, de facto,

0:01:25.000,0:01:28.000
has become sex education.

0:01:28.000,0:01:32.000
Now, as a mature, experienced, confident, older woman,

0:01:32.000,0:01:34.000
when I encounter this

0:01:34.000,0:01:38.000
I have no problem realizing that a certain amount of reeducation,

0:01:38.000,0:01:41.000
rehabilitation and reorientation has to take place.

0:01:41.000,0:01:44.000
(Applause)

0:01:44.000,0:01:47.000
Anybody who is offended by sexually explicit language,

0:01:47.000,0:01:49.000
please cover their ears now,

0:01:49.000,0:01:51.000
and I will raise my hand when you can uncover them.

0:01:51.000,0:01:53.000
So, I have no problem

0:01:53.000,0:01:58.000
responding, as I have regularly had to,

0:01:58.000,0:02:00.000
"Actually no, thank you very much, I would much rather

0:02:00.000,0:02:03.000
you did not come on my face."

0:02:03.000,0:02:07.000
My concern is both with a young guy who believes,

0:02:07.000,0:02:09.000
because hardcore pornography has taught him,

0:02:09.000,0:02:12.000
but my concern is particularly with a young girl

0:02:12.000,0:02:14.000
whose boyfriend wants to come on her face,

0:02:14.000,0:02:16.000
she does not want him to come on her face,

0:02:16.000,0:02:18.000
but hardcore porn has taught her

0:02:18.000,0:02:20.000
that all men love coming on women's faces,

0:02:20.000,0:02:22.000
all women love having their faces come on,

0:02:22.000,0:02:24.000
and therefore she must let him come on her face,

0:02:24.000,0:02:27.000
and she must pretend to like it.

0:02:27.000,0:02:32.000
(Laughter)

0:02:32.000,0:02:34.000
So, I am launching, at TED today ...

0:02:34.000,0:02:38.000
I am unveiling MakeLoveNotPorn.com.

0:02:38.000,0:02:40.000
(Applause)

0:02:40.000,0:02:45.000
This is a website that posts the myths of hardcore porn,

0:02:45.000,0:02:49.000
and balances them with the reality.

0:02:49.000,0:02:51.000
And it's important to say, by the way,

0:02:51.000,0:02:54.000
that this is absolutely not about judgement.

0:02:54.000,0:02:56.000
This is not about good and bad.

0:02:56.000,0:02:58.000
Sex is the area of human experience

0:02:58.000,0:03:02.000
that embraces the vastest possible range of proclivities.

0:03:02.000,0:03:04.000
This is also not anti-porn.

0:03:04.000,0:03:06.000
I am a fan of hardcore porn;

0:03:06.000,0:03:08.000
I watch it regularly myself,

0:03:08.000,0:03:10.000
although my overriding criteria when selecting it

0:03:10.000,0:03:12.000
has to be to find something

0:03:12.000,0:03:15.000
that does not resemble, overly, open-heart surgery.

0:03:15.000,0:03:17.000
(Laughter)

0:03:17.000,0:03:20.000
But because the porn industry is

0:03:20.000,0:03:22.000
driven by men, funded by men,

0:03:22.000,0:03:25.000
managed by men, directed by men and targeted at men,

0:03:25.000,0:03:28.000
porn tends to present one worldview.

0:03:28.000,0:03:31.000
Porn says, "This is the way it is."

0:03:31.000,0:03:35.000
And what I want to say is, "Not necessarily."

0:03:35.000,0:03:39.000
So, please go to MakeLoveNotPorn.com.

0:03:39.000,0:03:42.000
I want to ask the TED audience to do two things.

0:03:42.000,0:03:44.000
Be aware this is an issue,

0:03:44.000,0:03:47.000
because I would never have realized it if I had not encountered it myself.

0:03:47.000,0:03:50.000
And please visit the website.

0:03:50.000,0:03:52.000
Please see what you think.

0:03:52.000,0:03:54.000
(Laughter)

0:03:54.000,0:03:59.000
Comment. And please pass it on.

0:03:59.000,0:04:02.000
Please send the link to anybody you think would be intereseted

0:04:02.000,0:04:04.000
and use it to start a dialogue.

0:04:04.000,0:04:12.000
Use it to reframe an open, healthy conversation around sex,

0:04:12.000,0:04:14.000
in order to help and facilitate

0:04:14.000,0:04:18.000
open, healthy and better sexual relationships. Thank you very much.

0:04:18.000,0:04:23.000
(Applause)