[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.32,0:00:04.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How many times have you used\Nthe word "awesome" today?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.36,0:00:08.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once? Twice? Seventeen times?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.50,0:00:09.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you remember what you were describing
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.86,0:00:11.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you used the word?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.21,0:00:14.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, I didn't think so, because\Nit's come down to this, people:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.45,0:00:16.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're using the word incorrectly,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.36,0:00:18.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and tonight I hope to show you
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.42,0:00:21.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how to put the "awe" back in "awesome."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.51,0:00:24.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Recently, I was dining at an outdoor cafe,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.33,0:00:26.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the server came up to our table,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.24,0:00:27.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and asked us if we had dined there before,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.79,0:00:29.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I said, "Yes, yes, we have."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.74,0:00:32.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "Awesome."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.52,0:00:34.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought, "Really?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.75,0:00:37.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Awesome or just merely good
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.38,0:00:42.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we decided to visit your restaurant again?"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.04,0:00:44.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other day, one of my coworkers asked me
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.40,0:00:46.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I could save that file as a PDF,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.88,0:00:50.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I said, "Well, of course," and he said, "Awesome."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.62,0:00:56.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Seriously, can saving anything as a PDF
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.85,0:00:59.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be awesome?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.80,0:01:02.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sadly, the frequent overuse of the word "awesome"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.96,0:01:07.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has now replaced words like "great" and "thank you."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.12,0:01:11.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So Webster's dictionary defines the word "awesome"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.50,0:01:15.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as fear mingled with admiration or reverence,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.62,0:01:19.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a feeling produced by something majestic.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.02,0:01:20.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, with that in mind,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.94,0:01:24.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was your Quiznos sandwich awesome?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.24,0:01:26.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How about that parking space? Was that awesome?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.51,0:01:29.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or that game the other day? Was that awesome?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.06,0:01:31.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The answer is no, no and no.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.44,0:01:33.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A sandwich can be delicious,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.11,0:01:35.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that parking space can be nearby,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.42,0:01:38.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that game can be a blowout,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.16,0:01:42.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but not everything can be awesome.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.38,0:01:44.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.01,0:01:45.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when you use the word "awesome"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.66,0:01:48.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to describe the most mundane of things,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.98,0:01:51.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're taking away the very power of the word.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.88,0:01:54.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This author says, "Snowy days
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.30,0:01:58.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or finding money in your pants is awesome."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.57,0:01:59.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.45,0:02:01.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, no, it is not,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.43,0:02:07.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we need to raise the bar for this poor schmuck.\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.83,0:02:11.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So in other words, if you have\Neverything, you value nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.40,0:02:13.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a lot like drinking from a firehose
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.77,0:02:17.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like this jackass right here.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.72,0:02:20.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no dynamic, there's no highs or lows,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.14,0:02:22.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if everything is awesome.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.00,0:02:24.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ladies and gentlemen, here are 10 things
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.16,0:02:26.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that are truly awesome.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.08,0:02:28.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Imagine, if you will, having to schlep
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.77,0:02:30.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,everything on your back.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.23,0:02:32.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wouldn't this be easier for me
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.22,0:02:34.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I could roll this home?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.19,0:02:36.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, so I think I'll invent the wheel.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.52,0:02:39.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The wheel, ladies and gentlemen.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.39,0:02:42.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is the wheel awesome? Say it with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.19,0:02:45.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, the wheel is awesome!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.81,0:02:47.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Great Pyramids were the tallest
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.87,0:02:49.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,man-made structure in the world
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.49,0:02:51.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for 4,000 years.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.87,0:02:55.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pharaoh had his slaves move millions of blocks
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.41,0:02:59.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just to this site to erect a big freaking headstone.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.43,0:03:00.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Were the Great Pyramids awesome?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.78,0:03:03.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, the pyramids were awesome.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.03,0:03:05.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Grand Canyon. Come on.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.18,0:03:08.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's almost 80 million years old.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.40,0:03:10.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is the Grand Canyon awesome?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.17,0:03:11.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, the Grand Canyon is.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.71,0:03:16.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Louis Daguerre invented photography in 1829,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.47,0:03:17.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and earlier today,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.99,0:03:19.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you whipped out your smartphone
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.95,0:03:22.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you took a shot of your awesome sandwich,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.57,0:03:24.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you know who you are —
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.31,0:03:26.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) —
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.53,0:03:28.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wasn't that easier than exposing the image
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.87,0:03:31.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to copper plates coated with iodized silver?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.44,0:03:33.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, come on. Is photography awesome?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.52,0:03:35.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, photography is awesome.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.40,0:03:37.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,D-Day, June 6, 1944,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.82,0:03:40.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the Allied invasion of Normandy,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.19,0:03:44.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the largest amphibious invasion in world history.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.28,0:03:47.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Was D-Day awesome? Yes, it was awesome.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.42,0:03:49.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did you eat food today? Did you eat?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.97,0:03:52.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then you can thank the honeybee, that's the one,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.30,0:03:55.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because if crops aren't pollinated, we can't grow food,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.40,0:03:57.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then we're all going to die.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.22,0:03:58.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's just like that.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.34,0:04:00.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's not like a flower can just get up
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.68,0:04:03.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and have sex with another flower,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.15,0:04:05.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,although that would be awesome.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.48,0:04:08.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.30,0:04:11.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Bees are awesome. Are you kidding me?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.24,0:04:15.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Landing on the moon! Come on!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.20,0:04:18.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Apollo 11. Are you kidding me?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.17,0:04:20.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sixty-six years after the Wright Brothers
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.100,0:04:23.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,took off from Kitty Hawk, North Carolina,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.60,0:04:26.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Neil Armstrong was 240,000 miles away.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.93,0:04:28.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's like from here to the moon.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.96,0:04:31.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.20,0:04:33.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's one small step for a man,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.55,0:04:36.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one giant leap for awesome!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.13,0:04:38.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're damn right, it was.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.15,0:04:41.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Woodstock, 1969: Rolling Stone Magazine said
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.93,0:04:45.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this changed the history of rock and roll.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.10,0:04:47.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tickets were only 24 dollars back then.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.71,0:04:51.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't even buy a freaking t-shirt for that now.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.34,0:04:54.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jimi Hendrix's version of "The Star-Spangled Banner"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.46,0:04:56.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was the most iconic.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.69,0:04:59.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Was Woodstock awesome? Yes, it was awesome.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.24,0:05:01.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sharks! They're at the top of the food chain.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.99,0:05:04.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sharks have multiple rows of teeth
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.42,0:05:05.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that grow in their jaw
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.67,0:05:09.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they move forward like a conveyor belt.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.07,0:05:12.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some sharks can lose 30,000 teeth in their lifetime.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.76,0:05:15.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Does awesome inspire fear?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.36,0:05:19.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, hell yeah, sharks are awesome!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.10,0:05:21.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Internet was born in 1982
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.93,0:05:25.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it instantly took over global communication,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.70,0:05:27.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and later tonight, when all these PowerPoints
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.80,0:05:29.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are uplifted to the Internet
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.76,0:05:32.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that a guy in Siberia can get drunk
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.58,0:05:35.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and watch this crap,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.55,0:05:38.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the Internet is awesome.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.30,0:05:40.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And finally, finally some of you can't wait
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.79,0:05:43.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to come up and tell me how\Nawesome my PowerPoint was.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.95,0:05:45.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will save you the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.62,0:05:48.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was not awesome, but it was true,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.28,0:05:50.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I hope it was entertaining,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.06,0:05:53.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and out of all the audiences I've ever had,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.41,0:05:56.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,y'all are the most recent. Thank you and good night.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.11,0:06:00.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)