WEBVTT 00:00:00.342 --> 00:00:03.101 For a long time in my life, 00:00:03.101 --> 00:00:07.692 I felt like I'd been living two different lives. 00:00:07.692 --> 00:00:11.097 There's the life that everyone sees, 00:00:11.097 --> 00:00:14.804 and then there's the life that only I see. 00:00:14.804 --> 00:00:17.324 And in the life that everyone sees, 00:00:17.324 --> 00:00:19.798 who I am is a friend, 00:00:19.798 --> 00:00:22.353 a son, a brother, 00:00:22.353 --> 00:00:25.979 a stand-up comedian and a teenager. 00:00:25.979 --> 00:00:27.820 That's the life everyone sees. 00:00:27.820 --> 00:00:29.346 If you were to ask my friends and family to describe me, 00:00:29.346 --> 00:00:31.185 that's what they would tell you. 00:00:31.185 --> 00:00:33.183 And that's a huge part of me. That is who I am. 00:00:33.183 --> 00:00:35.993 And if you were to ask me to describe myself, 00:00:35.993 --> 00:00:38.915 I'd probably say some of those same things. 00:00:38.915 --> 00:00:42.476 And I wouldn't be lying, 00:00:42.476 --> 00:00:46.006 but I wouldn't totally be telling you the truth, either, 00:00:46.006 --> 00:00:47.533 because the truth is, 00:00:47.533 --> 00:00:50.705 that's just the life everyone else sees. 00:00:50.705 --> 00:00:54.468 In the life that only I see, who I am, 00:00:54.468 --> 00:00:56.395 who I really am, 00:00:56.395 --> 00:01:00.830 is someone who struggles intensely with depression. 00:01:00.830 --> 00:01:03.507 I have for the last six years of my life, 00:01:03.507 --> 00:01:08.626 and I continue to every day. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:08.626 --> 00:01:11.123 Now, for someone who has never experienced depression 00:01:11.123 --> 00:01:12.325 or doesn't really know what that means, 00:01:12.325 --> 00:01:13.708 that might surprise them to hear, 00:01:13.708 --> 00:01:15.613 because there's this pretty popular misconception 00:01:15.613 --> 00:01:18.360 that depression is just being sad 00:01:18.360 --> 00:01:20.848 when something in your life goes wrong, 00:01:20.848 --> 00:01:22.490 when you break up with your girlfriend, 00:01:22.490 --> 00:01:23.881 when you lose a loved one, 00:01:23.881 --> 00:01:25.632 when you don't get the job you wanted. 00:01:25.632 --> 00:01:27.619 But that's sadness. That's a natural thing. 00:01:27.619 --> 00:01:29.531 That's a natural human emotion. 00:01:29.531 --> 00:01:33.729 Real depression isn't being sad 00:01:33.729 --> 00:01:36.358 when something in your life goes wrong. 00:01:36.358 --> 00:01:38.144 Real depression is being sad 00:01:38.144 --> 00:01:41.413 when everything in your life is going right. 00:01:41.413 --> 00:01:43.898 That's real depression, and that's what I suffer from. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:43.898 --> 00:01:46.023 And to be totally honest, 00:01:46.023 --> 00:01:48.837 that's hard for me to stand up here and say. 00:01:48.837 --> 00:01:50.558 It's hard for me to talk about, 00:01:50.558 --> 00:01:53.321 and it seems to be hard for everyone to talk about, 00:01:53.321 --> 00:01:55.689 so much so that no one's talking about it. 00:01:55.689 --> 00:01:58.083 And no one's talking about depression, but we need to be, 00:01:58.083 --> 00:02:01.825 because right now it's a massive problem. 00:02:01.825 --> 00:02:03.495 It's a massive problem. 00:02:03.495 --> 00:02:05.297 But we don't see it on social media, right? 00:02:05.297 --> 00:02:07.385 We don't see it on Facebook. We don't see it on Twitter. 00:02:07.385 --> 00:02:09.207 We don't see it on the news, because it's not happy, 00:02:09.207 --> 00:02:10.836 it's not fun, it's not light. 00:02:10.836 --> 00:02:14.431 And so because we don't see it, we don't see the severity of it. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:14.431 --> 00:02:18.190 But the severity of it and the seriousness of it is this: 00:02:18.190 --> 00:02:19.913 every 30 seconds, 00:02:19.913 --> 00:02:22.117 every 30 seconds, somewhere, 00:02:22.117 --> 00:02:24.310 someone in the world takes their own life 00:02:24.310 --> 00:02:25.387 because of depression, 00:02:25.387 --> 00:02:27.627 and it might be two blocks away, it might be two countries away, 00:02:27.627 --> 00:02:29.157 it might be two continents away, but it's happening, 00:02:29.157 --> 00:02:31.727 and it's happening every single day. 00:02:31.727 --> 00:02:34.691 And we have a tendency, as a society, 00:02:34.691 --> 00:02:39.937 to look at that and go, "So what?" 00:02:39.937 --> 00:02:44.592 So what? We look at that, and we go, "That's your problem. 00:02:44.592 --> 00:02:46.995 That's their problem." 00:02:46.995 --> 00:02:48.847 We say we're sad and we say we're sorry, 00:02:48.847 --> 00:02:50.224 but we also say, "So what?" NOTE Paragraph 00:02:50.224 --> 00:02:54.907 Well, two years ago it was my problem, 00:02:54.907 --> 00:02:58.964 because I sat on the edge of my bed 00:02:58.964 --> 00:03:02.324 where I'd sat a million times before 00:03:02.324 --> 00:03:05.140 and I was suicidal. 00:03:05.140 --> 00:03:09.066 I was suicidal, and if you were to look at my life on the surface, 00:03:09.066 --> 00:03:11.308 you wouldn't see a kid who was suicidal. 00:03:11.308 --> 00:03:13.424 You'd see a kid who was the captain of his basketball team, 00:03:13.424 --> 00:03:15.485 the drama and theater student of the year, 00:03:15.485 --> 00:03:16.444 the English student of the year, 00:03:16.444 --> 00:03:18.272 someone who was consistently on the honor roll 00:03:18.272 --> 00:03:21.945 and consistently at every party. 00:03:21.945 --> 00:03:23.586 So you would say I wasn't depressed, you would say 00:03:23.586 --> 00:03:26.297 I wasn't suicidal, but you would be wrong. 00:03:26.297 --> 00:03:27.736 You would be wrong. So I sat there that night 00:03:27.736 --> 00:03:31.774 beside a bottle of pills with a pen and paper in my hand 00:03:31.774 --> 00:03:33.762 and I thought about taking my own life 00:03:33.762 --> 00:03:37.114 and I came this close to doing it. 00:03:37.114 --> 00:03:38.796 I came this close to doing it. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:38.796 --> 00:03:41.924 And I didn't, so that makes me one of the lucky ones, 00:03:41.924 --> 00:03:44.059 one of the people who gets to step out on the ledge 00:03:44.059 --> 00:03:46.320 and look down but not jump, 00:03:46.320 --> 00:03:48.325 one of the lucky ones who survives. 00:03:48.325 --> 00:03:50.722 Well, I survived, and that just leaves me with my story, 00:03:50.722 --> 00:03:53.127 and my story is this: 00:03:53.127 --> 00:03:56.480 In four simple words, I suffer from depression. 00:03:56.480 --> 00:03:58.910 I suffer from depression, 00:03:58.910 --> 00:04:06.230 and for a long time, I think, 00:04:06.230 --> 00:04:08.826 I was living two totally different lives, 00:04:08.826 --> 00:04:10.687 where one person was always afraid of the other. 00:04:10.687 --> 00:04:12.786 I was afraid that people would see me for who I really was, 00:04:12.786 --> 00:04:16.028 that I wasn't the perfect, popular kid in high school everyone thought I was, 00:04:16.028 --> 00:04:18.453 that beneath my smile, there was struggle, 00:04:18.453 --> 00:04:20.416 and beneath my light, there was dark, 00:04:20.416 --> 00:04:24.793 and beneath my big personality just hid even bigger pain. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:24.793 --> 00:04:27.430 See, some people might fear girls not liking them back. 00:04:27.430 --> 00:04:29.519 Some people might fear sharks. Some people might fear death. 00:04:29.519 --> 00:04:34.212 But for me, for a large part of my life, I feared myself. 00:04:34.212 --> 00:04:36.904 I feared my truth, I feared my honesty, I feared my vulnerability, 00:04:36.904 --> 00:04:39.126 and that fear made me feel 00:04:39.126 --> 00:04:41.483 like I was forced into a corner, 00:04:41.483 --> 00:04:44.513 like I was forced into a corner and there was only one way out, 00:04:44.513 --> 00:04:48.306 and so I thought about that way every single day. 00:04:48.306 --> 00:04:49.753 I thought about it every single day, 00:04:49.753 --> 00:04:51.424 and if I'm being totally honest, standing here 00:04:51.424 --> 00:04:54.797 I've thought about it again since, because that's the sickness, 00:04:54.797 --> 00:04:56.731 that's the struggle, that's depression, 00:04:56.731 --> 00:04:57.950 and depression isn't chicken pox. 00:04:57.950 --> 00:04:59.668 You don't beat it once and it's gone forever. 00:04:59.668 --> 00:05:02.431 It's something you live with. It's something you live in. 00:05:02.431 --> 00:05:06.003 It's the roommate you can't kick out. It's the voice you can't ignore. 00:05:06.003 --> 00:05:08.264 It's the feelings you can't seem to escape, 00:05:08.264 --> 00:05:13.337 the scariest part is that after a while, 00:05:13.337 --> 00:05:16.217 you become numb to it. It becomes normal for you, 00:05:16.217 --> 00:05:18.504 and what you really fear the most 00:05:18.504 --> 00:05:21.360 isn't the suffering inside of you. 00:05:21.360 --> 00:05:22.876 It's the stigma inside of others, 00:05:22.876 --> 00:05:25.157 it's the shame, it's the embarrassment, 00:05:25.157 --> 00:05:27.610 it's the disapproving look on a friend's face, 00:05:27.610 --> 00:05:31.074 it's the whispers in the hallway that you're weak, 00:05:31.074 --> 00:05:32.475 it's the comments that you're crazy. 00:05:32.475 --> 00:05:34.575 That's what keeps you from getting help. 00:05:34.575 --> 00:05:37.569 That's what makes you hold it in and hide it. 00:05:37.569 --> 00:05:39.904 It's the stigma. So you hold it in and you hide it, 00:05:39.904 --> 00:05:41.766 and you hold it in and you hide it, 00:05:41.766 --> 00:05:43.442 and even though it's keeping you in bed every day 00:05:43.442 --> 00:05:46.382 and it's making your life feel empty no matter how much you try and fill it, 00:05:46.382 --> 00:05:48.545 you hide it, because the stigma in our society 00:05:48.545 --> 00:05:51.460 around depression is very real. 00:05:51.460 --> 00:05:54.662 It's very real, and if you think that it isn't, ask yourself this: 00:05:54.662 --> 00:05:56.471 Would you rather make your next Facebook status 00:05:56.471 --> 00:05:58.217 say you're having a tough time getting out of bed 00:05:58.217 --> 00:06:00.366 because you hurt your back 00:06:00.366 --> 00:06:02.358 or you're having a tough time getting out of bed every morning 00:06:02.358 --> 00:06:04.458 because you're depressed? 00:06:04.458 --> 00:06:06.742 That's the stigma, because unfortunately, 00:06:06.742 --> 00:06:09.210 we live in a world where if you break your arm, 00:06:09.210 --> 00:06:11.884 everyone runs over to sign your cast, 00:06:11.899 --> 00:06:14.700 but if you tell people you're depressed, everyone runs the other way. 00:06:14.700 --> 00:06:17.200 That's the stigma. 00:06:17.200 --> 00:06:22.166 We are so, so, so accepting of any body part breaking down 00:06:22.166 --> 00:06:25.268 other than our brains. And that's ignorance. 00:06:25.268 --> 00:06:27.280 That's pure ignorance, and that ignorance has created 00:06:27.280 --> 00:06:28.844 a world that doesn't understand depression, 00:06:28.844 --> 00:06:31.350 that doesn't understand mental health. 00:06:31.350 --> 00:06:33.303 And that's ironic to me, because depression 00:06:33.303 --> 00:06:35.813 is one of the best documented problems we have in the world, 00:06:35.813 --> 00:06:37.858 yet it's one of the least discussed. 00:06:37.858 --> 00:06:40.294 We just push it aside and put it in a corner 00:06:40.294 --> 00:06:43.881 and pretend it's not there and hope it'll fix itself. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:43.881 --> 00:06:47.223 Well, it won't. It hasn't, and it's not going to, 00:06:47.223 --> 00:06:49.114 because that's wishful thinking, 00:06:49.114 --> 00:06:51.887 and wishful thinking isn't a game plan, it's procrastination, 00:06:51.887 --> 00:06:56.816 and we can't procrastinate on something this important. 00:06:56.816 --> 00:07:00.207 The first step in solving any problem 00:07:00.207 --> 00:07:01.690 is recognizing there is one. 00:07:01.690 --> 00:07:04.448 Well, we haven't done that, so we can't really expect 00:07:04.448 --> 00:07:07.633 to find an answer when we're still afraid of the question. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:07.633 --> 00:07:11.412 And I don't know what the solution is. 00:07:11.412 --> 00:07:13.873 I wish I did, but I don't -- but I think, 00:07:13.873 --> 00:07:15.881 I think it has to start here. 00:07:15.881 --> 00:07:18.280 It has to start with me, it has to start with you, 00:07:18.280 --> 00:07:21.698 it has to start with the people who are suffering, 00:07:21.698 --> 00:07:23.115 the ones who are hidden in the shadows. 00:07:23.115 --> 00:07:25.115 We need to speak up and shatter the silence. 00:07:25.115 --> 00:07:27.434 We need to be the ones who are brave for what we believe in, 00:07:27.434 --> 00:07:30.609 because if there's one thing that I've come to realize, 00:07:30.609 --> 00:07:34.185 if there's one thing that I see as the biggest problem, 00:07:34.185 --> 00:07:37.224 it's not in building a world 00:07:37.224 --> 00:07:40.973 where we eliminate the ignorance of others. 00:07:40.973 --> 00:07:44.259 It's in building a world where we teach the acceptance of ourselves, 00:07:44.259 --> 00:07:45.460 where we're okay with who we are, 00:07:45.460 --> 00:07:46.960 because when we get honest, 00:07:46.960 --> 00:07:49.756 we see that we all struggle and we all suffer. 00:07:49.756 --> 00:07:51.708 Whether it's with this, whether it's with something else, 00:07:51.708 --> 00:07:54.535 we all know what it is to hurt. 00:07:54.535 --> 00:07:56.373 We all know what it is to have pain in our heart, 00:07:56.373 --> 00:07:59.067 and we all know how important it is to heal. 00:07:59.067 --> 00:08:02.461 But right now, depression is society's deep cut 00:08:02.461 --> 00:08:05.022 that we're content to put a Band-Aid over and pretend it's not there. NOTE Paragraph 00:08:05.022 --> 00:08:09.526 Well, it is there. It is there, and you know what? It's okay. 00:08:09.526 --> 00:08:13.337 Depression is okay. If you're going through it, know that you're okay. 00:08:13.337 --> 00:08:15.999 And know that you're sick, you're not weak, 00:08:15.999 --> 00:08:17.935 and it's an issue, not an identity, 00:08:17.935 --> 00:08:20.688 because when you get past the fear and the ridicule 00:08:20.688 --> 00:08:22.485 and the judgment and the stigma of others, 00:08:22.485 --> 00:08:25.471 you can see depression for what it really is, 00:08:25.471 --> 00:08:27.710 and that's just a part of life, 00:08:27.710 --> 00:08:31.438 just a part of life, and as much as I hate, 00:08:31.438 --> 00:08:33.917 as much as I hate some of the places, 00:08:33.917 --> 00:08:37.013 some of the parts of my life depression has dragged me down to, 00:08:37.013 --> 00:08:39.548 in a lot of ways I'm grateful for it. 00:08:39.548 --> 00:08:41.360 Because yeah, it's put me in the valleys, 00:08:41.360 --> 00:08:42.792 but only to show me there's peaks, 00:08:42.792 --> 00:08:44.391 and yeah it's dragged me through the dark 00:08:44.391 --> 00:08:46.977 but only to remind me there is light. 00:08:46.977 --> 00:08:50.720 My pain, more than anything in 19 years on this planet, 00:08:50.720 --> 00:08:52.979 has given me perspective, and my hurt, 00:08:52.979 --> 00:08:55.474 my hurt has forced me to have hope, 00:08:55.474 --> 00:08:58.005 have hope and to have faith, faith in myself, 00:08:58.005 --> 00:09:00.550 faith in others, faith that it can get better, 00:09:00.550 --> 00:09:02.628 that we can change this, that we can speak up 00:09:02.628 --> 00:09:05.386 and speak out and fight back against ignorance, 00:09:05.386 --> 00:09:07.975 fight back against intolerance, 00:09:07.975 --> 00:09:09.990 and more than anything, 00:09:09.990 --> 00:09:12.716 learn to love ourselves, 00:09:12.716 --> 00:09:14.895 learn to accept ourselves for who we are, 00:09:14.895 --> 00:09:18.990 the people we are, not the people the world wants us to be. 00:09:18.990 --> 00:09:20.602 Because the world I believe in is one 00:09:20.602 --> 00:09:24.770 where embracing your light doesn't mean ignoring your dark. 00:09:24.770 --> 00:09:26.851 The world I believe in is one where we're measured 00:09:26.851 --> 00:09:31.367 by our ability to overcome adversities, not avoid them. 00:09:31.367 --> 00:09:35.591 The world I believe in is one where I can look someone in the eye 00:09:35.591 --> 00:09:37.353 and say, "I'm going through hell," 00:09:37.353 --> 00:09:40.930 and they can look back at me and go, "Me too," and that's okay, 00:09:40.930 --> 00:09:44.632 and it's okay because depression is okay. We're people. 00:09:44.632 --> 00:09:47.062 We're people, and we struggle and we suffer 00:09:47.062 --> 00:09:49.790 and we bleed and we cry, and if you think that true strength 00:09:49.790 --> 00:09:51.909 means never showing any weakness, then I'm here 00:09:51.909 --> 00:09:55.155 to tell you you're wrong. 00:09:55.155 --> 00:09:59.052 You're wrong, because it's the opposite. 00:09:59.052 --> 00:10:01.736 We're people, and we have problems. 00:10:01.736 --> 00:10:03.407 We're not perfect, and that's okay. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:03.407 --> 00:10:05.621 So we need to stop the ignorance, 00:10:05.621 --> 00:10:08.699 stop the intolerance, stop the stigma, 00:10:08.699 --> 00:10:13.273 and stop the silence, and we need to take away the taboos, 00:10:13.273 --> 00:10:17.812 take a look at the truth, and start talking, 00:10:17.812 --> 00:10:22.536 because the only way we're going to beat a problem 00:10:22.536 --> 00:10:25.870 that people are battling alone 00:10:25.870 --> 00:10:29.633 is by standing strong together, 00:10:29.633 --> 00:10:33.397 by standing strong together. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:33.397 --> 00:10:36.376 And I believe that we can. 00:10:36.376 --> 00:10:38.295 I believe that we can. Thank you guys so much. 00:10:38.295 --> 00:10:40.702 This is a dream come true. Thank you. (Applause) 00:10:40.702 --> 00:10:42.960 Thank you. (Applause)