1
00:00:00,342 --> 00:00:02,732
For a long time in my life,

2
00:00:02,732 --> 00:00:07,692
I felt like I'd been living two different lives.

3
00:00:07,692 --> 00:00:10,236
There's the life that everyone sees,

4
00:00:10,236 --> 00:00:14,804
and then there's the life that only I see.

5
00:00:14,804 --> 00:00:17,324
And in the life that everyone sees,

6
00:00:17,324 --> 00:00:19,675
who I am is a friend,

7
00:00:19,675 --> 00:00:22,353
a son, a brother,

8
00:00:22,353 --> 00:00:25,626
a stand-up comedian, and a teenager.

9
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,820
That's the life everyone sees.

10
00:00:27,820 --> 00:00:29,823
If you were to ask my friends and family to describe me,

11
00:00:29,823 --> 00:00:31,893
that's what they would tell you.

12
00:00:31,893 --> 00:00:33,907
And that's a huge part of me. That is who I am.

13
00:00:33,907 --> 00:00:36,067
And if you ask me to describe myself,

14
00:00:36,067 --> 00:00:38,915
I'd probably say some of those same things.

15
00:00:38,915 --> 00:00:42,200
And I wouldn't be lying.

16
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,653
I wouldn't totally be telling you the truth, either,

17
00:00:45,653 --> 00:00:48,241
because the truth is,

18
00:00:48,241 --> 00:00:50,490
that's just the life everyone else sees.

19
00:00:50,490 --> 00:00:54,468
In the life that only I see, who I am,

20
00:00:54,468 --> 00:00:56,734
who I really am,

21
00:00:56,734 --> 00:01:00,830
is someone who struggles intensely with depression.

22
00:01:00,830 --> 00:01:03,507
I have for the last six years of my life,

23
00:01:03,507 --> 00:01:08,626
and I continue to every day.

24
00:01:08,626 --> 00:01:11,123
Now, for someone who has never experienced depression

25
00:01:11,123 --> 00:01:13,126
or doesn't really know what that means,

26
00:01:13,126 --> 00:01:14,971
that might surprise them to hear,

27
00:01:14,971 --> 00:01:16,906
because there's a pretty popular misconception

28
00:01:16,906 --> 00:01:18,976
that depression is just being sad

29
00:01:18,976 --> 00:01:21,071
when something in your life goes wrong,

30
00:01:21,071 --> 00:01:23,046
when you break up with your girlfriend,

31
00:01:23,046 --> 00:01:24,928
when you lose a loved one,

32
00:01:24,928 --> 00:01:26,786
when you don't get the job you wanted.

33
00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:28,620
But that's sadness. That's a natural thing.

34
00:01:28,620 --> 00:01:30,531
That's a natural human emotion.

35
00:01:30,531 --> 00:01:32,837
Real depression isn't being sad

36
00:01:32,837 --> 00:01:35,866
when something in your life goes wrong.

37
00:01:35,866 --> 00:01:38,144
Real depression is being sad

38
00:01:38,144 --> 00:01:41,413
when everything in your life is going right.

39
00:01:41,413 --> 00:01:43,898
That's real depression, and that's what I suffer from.

40
00:01:43,898 --> 00:01:46,047
And to be totally honest,

41
00:01:46,047 --> 00:01:48,837
that's hard for me to stand up here and say.

42
00:01:48,837 --> 00:01:50,974
It's hard for me to talk about,

43
00:01:50,974 --> 00:01:53,321
and it seems to be hard for everyone to talk about,

44
00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:55,689
so much so that no one's talking about.

45
00:01:55,689 --> 00:01:58,073
And no one's talking about depression, but we need to be,

46
00:01:58,073 --> 00:02:00,933
because right now it's a massive problem.

47
00:02:00,933 --> 00:02:02,911
It's a massive problem.

48
00:02:02,911 --> 00:02:05,297
But we don't see it on social media, right?

49
00:02:05,297 --> 00:02:07,478
We don't see it on Facebook. We don't see it on Twitter.

50
00:02:07,478 --> 00:02:09,515
We don't see it on the news, because it's not happy,

51
00:02:09,515 --> 00:02:11,452
it's not fun, it's not light.

52
00:02:11,452 --> 00:02:13,601
And so because we don't see it, we don't see the severity of it.

53
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:17,729
But the severity of it and the seriousness of it is this:

54
00:02:17,729 --> 00:02:20,160
every 30 seconds,

55
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,117
every 30 seconds, somewhere,

56
00:02:22,117 --> 00:02:24,031
someone in the world takes their own life

57
00:02:24,031 --> 00:02:25,695
because of depression,

58
00:02:25,695 --> 00:02:27,675
and it might be two blocks away, it might be two countries away,

59
00:02:27,675 --> 00:02:29,835
it might be two continents away, but it's happening,

60
00:02:29,835 --> 00:02:32,022
and it's happening every single day.

61
00:02:32,022 --> 00:02:34,291
And we have a tendency, as a society,

62
00:02:34,291 --> 00:02:39,537
to look at that and go, "So what?"

63
00:02:39,537 --> 00:02:44,731
So what? We look at that, and we go, "That's your problem.

64
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:46,519
That's their problem."

65
00:02:46,519 --> 00:02:48,771
We say we're sad and we say we're sorry,

66
00:02:48,771 --> 00:02:51,021
but we also say, "So what?"

67
00:02:51,021 --> 00:02:54,554
Well, two years ago, two years ago it was my problem,

68
00:02:54,554 --> 00:02:57,095
because I sat on the edge of my bed

69
00:02:57,095 --> 00:03:01,248
where I'd sat a million times before

70
00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:04,803
and I was suicidal.

71
00:03:04,803 --> 00:03:07,697
I was suicidal, and if you were to look at my life on the surface,

72
00:03:07,697 --> 00:03:11,278
you wouldn't see a kid who was suicidal.

73
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:13,209
You'd see a kid who was the captain of his basketball team,

74
00:03:13,209 --> 00:03:15,485
the drama and theater student of the year,

75
00:03:15,485 --> 00:03:17,353
the English student of the year,

76
00:03:17,353 --> 00:03:19,288
someone who was consistently on the honor roll

77
00:03:19,288 --> 00:03:21,716
and consistently at every party.

78
00:03:21,716 --> 00:03:23,833
So you would say I wasn't depressed, you would say

79
00:03:23,833 --> 00:03:26,297
I wasn't suicidal, but you would be wrong.

80
00:03:26,297 --> 00:03:28,244
You would be wrong. So I sat there that night

81
00:03:28,244 --> 00:03:31,544
beside a bottle of pills with a pen and paper in my hand

82
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,762
and I thought about taking my own life

83
00:03:33,762 --> 00:03:36,468
and I came this close to doing it.

84
00:03:36,468 --> 00:03:38,796
I came this close to doing it.

85
00:03:38,796 --> 00:03:41,924
And I didn't, so that makes me one of the lucky ones,

86
00:03:41,924 --> 00:03:44,091
one of the people who gets to step out on the ledge

87
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:45,997
and look down but not jump,

88
00:03:45,997 --> 00:03:48,479
one of the lucky ones who survives.

89
00:03:48,479 --> 00:03:50,722
Well, I survived, and that just leaves me with my story,

90
00:03:50,722 --> 00:03:53,062
and my story is this:

91
00:03:53,062 --> 00:03:56,088
in four simple words, I suffer from depression.

92
00:03:56,088 --> 00:03:58,091
I suffer from depression,

93
00:03:58,091 --> 00:04:05,461
and for a long time, I think,

94
00:04:05,461 --> 00:04:08,734
I was living two totally different lives,

95
00:04:08,734 --> 00:04:10,995
where one person was always afraid of the other.

96
00:04:10,995 --> 00:04:13,054
I was afraid that people would see me for who I really was,

97
00:04:13,054 --> 00:04:15,275
that I wasn't the perfect, popular kid in high school everyone thought I was,

98
00:04:15,275 --> 00:04:17,900
that beneath my smile, there was struggle,

99
00:04:17,900 --> 00:04:20,416
and beneath my light, there was dark,

100
00:04:20,416 --> 00:04:24,363
and beneath my big personality just hid even bigger pain.

101
00:04:24,363 --> 00:04:27,292
See, some people might fear girls not liking them back.

102
00:04:27,292 --> 00:04:29,519
Some people might fear sharks. Some people might fear death.

103
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:34,212
But for me, for a large part of my life, I feared myself.

104
00:04:34,212 --> 00:04:37,135
I feared my truth, I feared my honesty, I feared my vulnerability,

105
00:04:37,135 --> 00:04:39,126
and that fear made me feel

106
00:04:39,126 --> 00:04:41,222
like I was forced into a corner,

107
00:04:41,222 --> 00:04:44,513
like I was forced into a corner and there was only one way out,

108
00:04:44,513 --> 00:04:47,738
and so I thought about that way every single day.

109
00:04:47,738 --> 00:04:50,037
I thought about it every single day,

110
00:04:50,037 --> 00:04:51,994
and if I'm being totally honest standing here,

111
00:04:51,994 --> 00:04:54,459
I've thought about it again since, because that's the sickness,

112
00:04:54,459 --> 00:04:56,731
that's the struggle, that's depression,

113
00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:58,689
and depression isn't chicken pox.

114
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:00,668
You don't beat it once and it's gone forever.

115
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,862
It's something you live with. It's something you live in.

116
00:05:02,862 --> 00:05:05,788
It's the roommate you can't kick out. It's the voice you can't ignore.

117
00:05:05,788 --> 00:05:08,116
It's the feelings you can't seem to escape,

118
00:05:08,116 --> 00:05:10,603
and the scariest part is,

119
00:05:10,603 --> 00:05:12,876
the scariest part is that after a while,

120
00:05:12,876 --> 00:05:16,217
you become numb to it. It becomes normal for you,

121
00:05:16,217 --> 00:05:18,335
and what you really fear the most

122
00:05:18,335 --> 00:05:21,545
isn't the suffering inside of you.

123
00:05:21,545 --> 00:05:23,677
It's the stigma inside of others,

124
00:05:23,677 --> 00:05:25,650
it's the shame, it's the embarrassment,

125
00:05:25,650 --> 00:05:27,749
it's the disapproving look on a friend's face,

126
00:05:27,749 --> 00:05:30,921
it's the whispers in the hallway that you're weak,

127
00:05:30,921 --> 00:05:32,922
it's the comments that you're crazy.

128
00:05:32,922 --> 00:05:34,975
That's what keeps you from getting help.

129
00:05:34,975 --> 00:05:37,008
That's what makes you hold it in and hide it.

130
00:05:37,008 --> 00:05:39,643
It's the stigma. So you hold it in and you hide it,

131
00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:41,766
and you hold it in and you hide it,

132
00:05:41,766 --> 00:05:43,827
and even though it's keeping you in bed every day

133
00:05:43,827 --> 00:05:46,244
and it's making your life feel empty no matter how much you try and fill it,

134
00:05:46,244 --> 00:05:48,269
you hide it, because the stigma in our society

135
00:05:48,269 --> 00:05:50,845
around depression is very real.

136
00:05:50,845 --> 00:05:54,097
It's very real, and if you think that it isn't, ask yourself this:

137
00:05:54,097 --> 00:05:56,257
would you rather make your next Facebook status

138
00:05:56,257 --> 00:05:58,341
say you're having a tough time getting out of bed

139
00:05:58,341 --> 00:06:00,366
because you hurt your back

140
00:06:00,366 --> 00:06:02,358
or you're having a tough time getting out of bed every morning

141
00:06:02,358 --> 00:06:04,458
because you're depressed?

142
00:06:04,458 --> 00:06:06,435
That's the stigma, because unfortunately,

143
00:06:06,435 --> 00:06:09,021
we live in a world where if you break your arm,

144
00:06:09,021 --> 00:06:11,361
everyone runs over to sign your cast,

145
00:06:11,361 --> 00:06:14,886
but if you tell people you're depressed, everyone runs the other way.

146
00:06:14,886 --> 00:06:17,200
That's the stigma.

147
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:20,890
We are so, so, so accepting of any body part breaking down

148
00:06:20,890 --> 00:06:25,053
other than our brains. And that's ignorance.

149
00:06:25,053 --> 00:06:27,619
That's pure ignorance, and that ignorance has created

150
00:06:27,619 --> 00:06:29,553
a world that doesn't understand depression,

151
00:06:29,553 --> 00:06:31,612
that doesn't understand mental health.

152
00:06:31,612 --> 00:06:33,519
And that's ironic to me, because depression

153
00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:35,598
is one of the best-documented problems we have in the world,

154
00:06:35,598 --> 00:06:37,858
yet it's one of the least discussed.

155
00:06:37,858 --> 00:06:40,187
We just push it aside and put it in a corner,

156
00:06:40,187 --> 00:06:43,989
pretend it's not there, and hope it'll fix itself.

157
00:06:43,989 --> 00:06:47,050
Well it won't. It hasn't, and it's not going to,

158
00:06:47,050 --> 00:06:49,114
because that's wishful thinking,

159
00:06:49,114 --> 00:06:51,887
and wishful thinking isn't a game plan, it's procrastination,

160
00:06:51,887 --> 00:06:55,632
and we can't procrastinate on something this important.

161
00:06:55,632 --> 00:06:59,207
The first step in solving any problem

162
00:06:59,207 --> 00:07:01,814
is recognizing there is one.

163
00:07:01,814 --> 00:07:04,156
Well, we haven't done that, so we can't really expect

164
00:07:04,156 --> 00:07:07,295
to find an answer when we're still afraid of the question.

165
00:07:07,295 --> 00:07:10,490
And I don't know what the solution is.

166
00:07:10,490 --> 00:07:12,583
I wish I did, but I don't, but I think,

167
00:07:12,583 --> 00:07:15,497
I think it has to start here.

168
00:07:15,497 --> 00:07:18,028
It has to start with me, it has to start with you,

169
00:07:18,028 --> 00:07:21,268
it has to start with the people who are suffering,

170
00:07:21,268 --> 00:07:23,115
the ones who are hidden in the shadows.

171
00:07:23,115 --> 00:07:25,115
We need to speak up and shatter the silence.

172
00:07:25,115 --> 00:07:27,512
We need to be the ones who are brave for what we believe in,

173
00:07:27,512 --> 00:07:30,441
because if there's one thing that I've come to realize,

174
00:07:30,441 --> 00:07:33,986
if there's one thing that I see is the biggest problem,

175
00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:36,164
it's not in building a world

176
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:41,065
where we eliminate the ignorance of others.

177
00:07:41,065 --> 00:07:43,983
It's in building a world where we teach the acceptance of ourselves,

178
00:07:43,983 --> 00:07:46,008
when we're okay with who we are,

179
00:07:46,008 --> 00:07:47,853
because when we get honest,

180
00:07:47,853 --> 00:07:49,957
we see that we all struggle and we all suffer.

181
00:07:49,957 --> 00:07:52,094
Whether it's with this, whether it's with something else,

182
00:07:52,094 --> 00:07:54,120
we all know what it is to hurt.

183
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:56,358
We all know what it is to have pain in our heart,

184
00:07:56,358 --> 00:07:58,530
and we all know how important it is to heal.

185
00:07:58,530 --> 00:08:01,893
But right now, depression is society's deep cut

186
00:08:01,893 --> 00:08:05,010
that we're content to put a band-aid over and pretend it's not there.

187
00:08:05,010 --> 00:08:09,173
Well, it is there. It is there, and you know what? It's okay.

188
00:08:09,173 --> 00:08:12,953
Depression is okay. If you're going through it, know that you're okay.

189
00:08:12,953 --> 00:08:15,723
And know that you're sick, you're not weak,

190
00:08:15,723 --> 00:08:17,935
and it's an issue, not an identity,

191
00:08:17,935 --> 00:08:20,165
because when you get past the fear and the ridicule

192
00:08:20,165 --> 00:08:22,440
and the judgment and the stigma of others,

193
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,765
you can see depression for what it really is,

194
00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:27,071
and that's just a part of life,

195
00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:30,064
just a part of life, and as much as I hate,

196
00:08:30,064 --> 00:08:33,394
as much as I hate some of the places,

197
00:08:33,394 --> 00:08:36,184
some of the parts of my life depression has dragged me down to,

198
00:08:36,184 --> 00:08:39,548
in a lot of ways I'm grateful for it.

199
00:08:39,548 --> 00:08:41,607
Because yeah, it's put me in the valleys,

200
00:08:41,607 --> 00:08:43,531
but only to show me there's peaks,

201
00:08:43,531 --> 00:08:45,454
and yeah it's dragged me through the dark

202
00:08:45,454 --> 00:08:47,470
but only to remind me there is light.

203
00:08:47,470 --> 00:08:50,459
My pain, more than anything in 19 years on this planet,

204
00:08:50,459 --> 00:08:52,979
has given me perspective, and my hurt,

205
00:08:52,979 --> 00:08:55,229
my hurt has forced me to have hope,

206
00:08:55,229 --> 00:08:57,805
have hope and to have faith, faith in myself,

207
00:08:57,805 --> 00:09:00,550
faith in others, faith that it can get better,

208
00:09:00,550 --> 00:09:02,767
that we can change this, that we can speak up

209
00:09:02,767 --> 00:09:05,186
and speak out and fight back against ignorance,

210
00:09:05,186 --> 00:09:07,975
fight back against intolerance,

211
00:09:07,975 --> 00:09:09,990
and more than anything,

212
00:09:09,990 --> 00:09:12,044
learn to love ourselves,

213
00:09:12,044 --> 00:09:14,895
learn to accept ourselves for who we are,

214
00:09:14,895 --> 00:09:18,990
the people we are, not the people the world wants us to be.

215
00:09:18,990 --> 00:09:21,071
Because the world I believe in is one

216
00:09:21,071 --> 00:09:24,863
where embracing your light doesn't mean ignoring your dark.

217
00:09:24,863 --> 00:09:27,039
The world I believe in is one where we're measured

218
00:09:27,039 --> 00:09:30,921
by our ability to overcome adversities, not avoid them.

219
00:09:30,921 --> 00:09:33,885
The world I believe in is one where I can look someone in the eye

220
00:09:33,885 --> 00:09:36,954
and say, "I'm going through hell,"

221
00:09:36,954 --> 00:09:40,654
and they can look back at me and go, "Me too," and that's okay,

222
00:09:40,654 --> 00:09:44,248
and it's okay because depression is okay. We're people.

223
00:09:44,248 --> 00:09:46,770
We're people, and we struggle and we suffer

224
00:09:46,770 --> 00:09:49,329
and we bleed and we cry, and if you think that true strength

225
00:09:49,329 --> 00:09:52,109
means never showing any weakness, then I'm here

226
00:09:52,109 --> 00:09:54,909
to tell you you're wrong.

227
00:09:54,909 --> 00:09:58,114
You're wrong, because it's the opposite.

228
00:09:58,114 --> 00:10:01,752
We're people, and we have problems.

229
00:10:01,752 --> 00:10:03,900
We're not perfect, and that's okay.

230
00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:05,960
So we need to stop the ignorance,

231
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,699
stop the intolerance, stop the stigma,

232
00:10:08,699 --> 00:10:11,551
and stop the silence, and we need to take away the taboos,

233
00:10:11,551 --> 00:10:15,736
take a look at the truth, and start talking,

234
00:10:15,736 --> 00:10:21,460
because the only way we're going to beat a problem

235
00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:25,332
that people are battling alone

236
00:10:25,332 --> 00:10:28,665
is by standing strong together,

237
00:10:28,665 --> 00:10:31,982
by standing strong together.

238
00:10:31,982 --> 00:10:36,010
And I believe that we can.

239
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,296
I believe that we can. Thank you guys so much.

240
00:10:38,296 --> 00:10:40,351
This is a dream come true. Thank you.

241
00:10:40,351 --> 00:10:42,119
(Applause)

242
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:42,960
Thank you. (Applause)