It's just after 5pm, and as you can see, the fans are streaming in
It's an unbelievable crowd, the kind of crowd only seen in large pop concerts
Many people didn't expect to see such a big crowd today
as it's not David Bowie who's going to be on the stage today, not Phil Collins,
not Robbie Williams but Daniel Küblböck, the pop-phenomenon of the year
whose big tour starts today,
and who will be touring throughout Germany during the next month
'Phenomenon' being the key word, ladies and gentlemen
I use the word 'phenomenon' without bias, as one can assign both a positive
and a negative connotation to the word... (dialogue fades out)
10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1... wooo!!!!!!!
Look at that, Tom. This is what gets you famous now.
Poor Germany.
-What do you think, Rike? -Stupid pansy
He's not a boy or a girl, what even is he, Baltazar?
Dead is what he is, if it was up to you he'd be dead, dead as a doornail
"If it was up to us he'd be dead as a doornail", did you mean that for real, Baltazar?
Of course, how else? Somebody has to do the dirty work, right?
-And, how do you suggest we do that? -Simple: Bang, Bang! Done. Finished.
That's his dad!
Then Daniel's not alone. Should we wait anyway?
-Do you have the gun? -No, I thought YOU wanted to bring it!
-Rubbish! -Guess we'll have to do it without the gun then.
How? With a knife maybe?
So, Daniel! Let's get on with doing what you like to do best
"Dear Daniel, I can't tell you how much you mean to me,
I'm afraid I can't come to your concert at the Zirkuskrone, maybe I'll try another time
I just wanted to thank you. I was close to ending my life.
I wish you all my love, and that you stay in health,
and that you continue bringing joy to many people for many years.
I've finally managed to find a purpose to my existence, all thanks to you
You saved my life through your character and your music"
I don't know, Gran.
Somehow I can't stand all this responsibility, know what I mean?
Yes, you bear a lot of responsibility over all those fans of yours who love you.
But what if I just don't...WANT all that responsibility anymore?
Daniel, you think too much.
There, write your cards, otherwise we won't even get through 1000 pieces of fan-mail.
-Do you need help with that? -No, no, it's fine
I used to do the same with your grandad; you both have the same handwriting anyway
Grandad was just like Daniel, he enthralled lots of people too.
Yeah, he also made music. Didn't you know that?
Daniel got his talent from my husband, he didn't just disappear overnight either.
He was a great musician.
Yes, he was, right to his death.
Here's another person who'd rather just kill me.
Let me see
"If I see you on TV again, then it's 'Head off, Küblböck dead"
OK, I'm giving this to the police
I've always said we needed bodyguards for him, really strong bodyguards
-I don't want any bodyguards. That's lame. -I don't think it's a bad idea myself
I just don't understand why so many people all get so upset with him.
What's he ever done to them? All this pointless hate, it's just ridiculous.
"Dear Daniel, I think it's awesome that you're half-boy-half-girl, I love you Daniel!
-Sabine from Vaterstätten" Finally something positive!
And at the same time, he has fans who'd jump in front of a bullet for him
A career like Daniel's? Very rare, if it exists at all.
If they only met you, got to know you. If they just saw what a show he can put on
how he stands on the stage for two hours, then they would change their opinion.
Right?
-Bodyguards really wouldn't be a bad idea -That's what I've been saying the whole time
Maybe he'll go to the US some day. To Las Vegas, that would be something.
People in the US are much nicer, we definitely wouldn't need any...
You don't know that, don't say that, you never know what might happen.
Las Vegas? Yeah, wouldn't be too bad.
Say, how are you getting on with your singing lessons with Mr Meisner?
I think you need to work on your voice a bit, don't you think?
You just need to work, work really hard, day and night.
Maybe we should wait in the woods to shoot him. With a good shotgun and a telescope.
-What? No way, that would be way too cowardly! -Rike, don't you ever shut up? God.
Listen to this shit. I've never listened to anything so hideous in my life.
I just can't see anything, Rike.
You don't need to see anything. We just have to listen to this crap.
Daniel, that was great!
Don't worry, just stay there for a moment.
Hey! What are you doing there? Go! Piss off!
Stupid people creeping around the Garden. Let's start from the beginning again.
"To our utmost-hated Küblböck"
Could you be quiet for a minute? I've got to write this letter to Küblböck.
"Don't think we've fallen for your feigned love for those poor tigers.
My girlfriend and I live in Passau, not far from where your next show
is supposed to take place. But you're never gonna get to that stage
for we've decided to finally put an end to this whole tragedy"
Is something wrong?
Don't you recognise me anymore?
Not sure if I do.
Munich, Oktoberfest 1965
Wait a minute...Johnny? Nah, he's been dead for ages...
-Who exactly are you talking about? -About Johannes, or even Johnny.
But I AM Johnny!
Yeah, sure you are. Have a nice day!
-You can kiss goodbye to all this Daniel stuff, Baltazar -How do you know my name?
If you or your followers harm Daniel in any way, you'll have to deal with me.
Oh stop it! Johnny's been dead for at least 30 years.
Ghosts can be dangerous too
Sorry, but I don't believe in ghosts
I'm protecting Daniel, as I've always protected him.
You don't have to be scared, Daniel.
Tell me, you can dream, can't you?
Just start to dream. The rest will come of its own.
And if that's true, then you stand alone against a hugely superior might:
the millions of people who hate him like the Plague
Do you know little Petra?
Petra? Which Petra?
You see? You have no idea. Love is unconquerable.
What's this music? It's unbearable. Is it that crazy Küblböck again?
His name's Daniel, Grandad. And anyway, his music's really goo...
Nothing but complete nonsense. Turn it off now, I've had enough!
If you hadn't stopped me from going to his concert, you wouldn't have to listen to this.
I mean, he's got no brain, he's learnt nothing, he knows nothing about music
this restless jumping jack, this wretched little sausage
Nobody in this shop likes this crap. Right, Ms Selig?
I completely agree, Mr Winter. This Küblböck will lead to our cultural downfall.
-It's a complete... -Hey, what's this supposed to be?
Küblböck, unbelievable, just Küblböck, for the entire year! Impossible!
"Dear Daniel, my grandad owns 'Cafe Winter ' in your home town of Eggenfelden.
It would be nice of you if you ever have time to spare to pop round here sometime.
We also bake our own cakes. I live without my parents, and my gran passed away last year.
I think about you a lot, and that makes me happy.
I love your music, and it always makes me happy when you release a new music video
See you soon, and lots of positive energy, Yours, Petra."
Where is the little cockroach?
Have you been considering other plans? Have you repented?
Did he make you cry?
...Have you become Daniel Küblböck fans?
Are you nuts? Never.
We'll get him soon. But it has to be spectacular!
His final concert of the year takes place on Sunday. In Passau. His home.
He'll just fall over in front of the entire world. Bang, Bang!
-And we'll sit right at the front. -Bang, bang!
-And we'll be more famous than any superstar! -Sounds awesome!
-It FEELS awesome! -No more Küblböck!
-Never again! -No more Küblböck! Exactly right.
(unintelligible)
Huh, what's he doing round here?
How did you ever manage to get famous?
God, I tell you, what a (unintelligible)
Those people are so lame
Just ignore them.
Look, there's something we need to talk about.
Hollywood called, they want to do a screentest with you.
-For real? -And even Las Vegas was interested in you.
Las Vegas? For real?!
They want to invite us over. But Hollywood, eh? Not too bad if I say so.
And what are you doing here?
A screentest
A screentest? Why?
For...Hollywood! What about you?
I'm Marie. Aren't you scared?
Scared of what?
That I'm after you. That I want to kill you.
Have I ever done anything to you?
No, on the contrary. You saved my dad's life
Really?
He nearly drowned in Lake Starnberg but then you appeared to him as an angel.
There are lots of people who love you, people who don't even know you.
Don't let yourself get intimidated, Rike.
You need to shadow him without blowing your cover in the process.
We need to behave as if we're his biggest fans, until he falls into our trap
until he belongs to us, and us alone.
And don't forget, Rike. Küblböck is nothing but a silly little mayfly, a crazy ragamuffin
It is we who are the real superstars, you must never forget that, Rike, never!
I'm Daniel Küblböck, from...Eggenfelden.
Rubbish, don't let them draw you in, such...
"Danny boy"? What's that supposed to mean? He's Daniel Küblböck, ok?
But I'm not an Indiana Jones
I wouldn't take part in this, Daniel.
You must always be loyal, Daniel. Only then can you make it in Hollywood.
From Eggenfelden...to...Hollywood.
Hollywood, don't make me laugh, Daniel in the lion's den, they'll eat him alive!
One shouldn't waste one's magical powers here without reason...
...but I'd love to turn you into a cockroach.
Fine then, show me what you've got
Or are you really just a wretched charlatan? I thought you were a ONE-armed monster!
Johnny, what have you done? Reverse that spell immediately!
-What does the good man say? -Er...Johnny, I want to be a human...er...
I don't want to be a cockroach, I want to be a human, just like you!
-Rubbish, I'm not even human, I'm a ghost! -Just help me already!
-I'm... -Errr....
-I'm a... -Oh, I've got it...er...er...
"I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!"
Haha, very strange, but we all know who's going to get the last laugh
I'll get you someday. You and your puny little Küblböck!
This is the last time, Petra, that you're playing this Küblböck crap here.
Do you know how many people have complained to me? Dozens! Hundreds!
-I couldn't care less. -Why don't you care? Well I care,
It's a catastrophe for me if all my guests are driven away! What am I supposed to do?
For the last time, enough with this crap!
There! That's him! That's Küblböck!
That young man has put his dirty fingers in all the cakes! Yuck!
Have you put your dirty fingers in MY cakes?! Impossible! I should call the police!
(something unintelligible in Bavarian)
All 5 cakes please. I'll take it all.
This... this is just not possible!
But why? I mean, if he pays... That'll be...35.50 euros
This is out of the question!
I'm going to pack them all for you, ok?
-Has everyone gone nuts? -But only if you sign my book.
-And your name is? -Petra.
Petra! For Petra...from...Daniel.
Thanks!
Are you coming to my concert in Passau?
-Of course! -Nonsense! You're not going anywhere.
-Here are two free tickets for you -Really? Thank you, that's so kind of you!
-...And, my cakes? -Oh sorry, I'd almost forgotten
-Give the tickets back right now! -Don't disturb me, I'm working, can't you see?
-The youth of today, have no respect! -Exactly, Mr Winter!
Maybe we'll see each other at the concert?
-Küblböck, Küblböck, Küblböck all day... -(woman is unintelligible)
(clips from Küblböck's appearance on 'I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here')
"Positive Energy...Positive Energy..."
Petra! Petra!
-What is this? Pop or rock or what? -It's Küblböck!
-Right, so it's Küblböck-music? -Yep.
Have I done something wrong?
Not at all.
Where were you the whole time?
I've always been there. Didn't you sense me?
Something must have gone wrong, otherwise why does everyone hate me?
I don't think you're doing justice to your fans. They're all very proud of you.
As am I by the way.
You're 18, Daniel. About time that we make a Wizard out of the Apprentice.
So haven't I passed my test yet?
Test? Oh, do you mean the snakes and spiders and cockroaches in the Jungle?
That was just a bit of fun! Now it gets serious.
And soon you'll have to show what really lies in you.
Will I have to face... something terrible?
Tell me, please!
Do I have to die soon?
You just have to believe in yourself, Daniel. Then no harm can befall you.
When will it all be over?
When you're the least prepared for it.
Do it already!
Just do it already!
You're coming with me, Küblböck!
Are you scared? You can't flee, Daniel. We're nearly there.
Come on! Get in!
Just help me here or I'll smash your head in, all right?
Scaredy cat! Weakling! (mocking) Superstar!
Gon on! Sit down! Make yourself comfortable!
The last hour has taken its toll on you, if you hadn't noticed.
You stay there, understood?
-He has to be here, this can't be right -He's got to be here somewhere.
Hi Tom? Yeah, I've got him here in a safe place... Right...Cool...Hurry up!
I'm scared
I thought we'd already been through this, about 12 years ago.
But what do I do?
You mustn't lose heart.
But what about Dad?
He must be getting really worried by now
This has nothing to do with your father, Daniel. This is your big test. And you need to pass it.
I don't understand, I want to get out of here, I want to get back onto the stage!
This here is your stage now, and you need to play your new role and convince them.
-I hate these guys! -Hate? You're not allowed to hate!
Help me, please! You need to help me!
I expect you not to disappoint me.
Who are you talking to, Küblböck? Are you crazy? Aren't you all there?
Can I have a cigarette too?
Sorry, that was the last one.
Hi, ladies and gentlemen! I'm afraid we're having some technical difficulties.
We should be carrying on with the concert very soon. Please be patient.
(unintelligible) Thank you for your understanding.
-Do you know what's happened to him? -Why would anything have happened to him?
Don't worry about him
Can't we go backstage and talk to them?
-Talk? With whom? You want to talk to them? -What, are you still against him?
What? Nah, I think he's quite good,
I mean, he's better than Heino (famous German folk singer) with his sunglasses anyway.
You're saying we should go down?
Hi, are you Küblböck's father? I'm the owner of Cafe Winter, can we help in any way?
-No, no, -See, we know Daniel very well
He's very nice, he buys our cakes, lots of really big cakes,
-so that's why we thought we could help somehow -Yeah yeah, nothing's wr...
-Has something happened? -No no, all is well.
I'm not coming up with you, you'll have to do it yourself
-What? You're just going to abandon us? -But this has nothing to do with me!
This is your problem alone to resolve, it was you who wanted to be famous.
Tell me Baltazar, something's fishy.
Fishy? Why? What's going on?
He's cast a spell on you, right? Am I right? That's what's happened, hasn't it?
Nonsense. Do the deed and we'll meet later.
He's dangerous, I can see that. He's got something.
I'm beginning to understand his fans. They have something we don't.
Ah, you're finally here!
Right, turn around. We're gonna do this quickly.
You're gonna get a little bullet in the neck, understood?
We feel a little sorry for you.
That's why we're gonna doing it from behind. So you don't have to look.
How many bullets are there?
-Dunno, 5 or 10, don't really give a shit. -Yeah, that'll be enough.
-I shoot...you film. -No problem.
-Do it, Tommy! Or should I take over? -All right, if you insist.
I'm better with the camera anyway.
Coward!
Don't be stupid, Rike!
Deadbeat!
Stop behaving like that. What's wrong with you?
You can't ever just be cool. It's always the same crap.
Tommy, what are you even doing? Why are you fidgeting around with it?
What's up with the camera? Did you just break it?
The devil was always loose at home.
My mother drank, and I was dismissed as an idiot.
-And my brother was a Neonazi -This is bullshit!
My stepfather was the same. He used to hit me against the wall. Day and night.
One day I hit back. It felt good. It was really fun.
-Here, it's working again. -One thing I've learnt in life: not to hit back.
Just turn around, Küblböck!
Camera's running. Your turn, Mrs Director!
-Something's jamming. Do you want to... -Just a sec, I'm filming, just pull the trigger!
I once had this guitar, an old broken one, he stole it from me.
I never really had enough money to buy my own. But I still wanted to play the guitar.
I can imagine you also being able to sing and dance if you wanted to.
Have I gone mad? Have you completely lost your mind? What's going on here?
Rike, maybe he's not so bad. Maybe we should give him another chance.
Ok, you know what? You can take over this whole crap, with all its consequences, ok?
And I'll go home and have a nice evening. How's that?
-Not too bad... -I didn't ask you, Daniel Küblböck!
-Whatever. -Fine, that's what we'll do.
And if you succeed in taking him out, he'll belong to you alone. Is that fair?
-Yeah, that's fair. -Shut your face!
I'll be at your place.
What's on TV tonight?
German Pop Idol (the program in which Küblböck got famous)
Oh very funny, Daniel.
-Ok, I'll be at your place later -Right, cool.
Bye, bye!
I quite liked that one song actually. The new one.
Such bullshit. Now I'm in the middle of this massive quagmire.
-How about we make a deal? -A deal?
You let me out of here, I piss off...
...and tell nobody where I was.
I don't think so.
Then you'll just have to kill me, or go away yourself.
Things are as they are.
It's all crap.
And I'm the biggest arsehole!
Nothing will come of me!
That's what my stepdad told me. And he was right.
I should never have been born! Never!
You can cry if you want. Boys are allowed to cry.
Daniel, please, just piss off!
-You can't be serious! -Hey Daniel! Where were you the whole time?
-My god, where were you? -I don't have time to explain
"Dear Daniel, Your concert in Passau was wonderful. Even my grandad is a real fan of yours,
sometimes he even behaves like a teenager. Thanks x1000 for your invitation. Yours, Petra."
"Positive energy...Positive energy..."
Yeah, yeah, positive energy. You need to sleep now.
This here positive energy isn't too bad. It's better than negative energy.
Now sleep well, you need to go to school tomorrow. And then you need positive energy, right?
-Sleep well then, good night! -Good night!
And...where's MY Christmas present?
Since when have you only thought about yourself?
I don't understand. Haven't I done everything right? Haven't I passed my test?
You've forgotten something. Something very important.
But what?
Tom...and Rike.
They haven't had any presents from you.
A present to them? From me?!
I want you to give them something as a present.
Something that you really love
But they wanted to kill me!
Yeah...but that was then. Now you're all friends.
I dunno, I mean, I wouldn't call them friends. I think this is all going a bit too far.
Not at all.
You just... You just need to give them your guitar, ok?
What? My guitar? Never!
Fine, I guess you'll just have to remain a puny little Sorcerer's Apprentice then.
-Oh come on, I beg you. -A wizard often gives away the things he loves the most.
Don't you want to become a wizard? A real, great Wizard? Don't you?
I have something for you.
That was a dirty little trick of yours, Johnny.
And the whole arm thing. Sometimes you have it, sometimes you don't.
Is is a prosthetic, or it just another dirty trick?
-You can inspect it as you please. -Fine. I might have lost this battle,
but you're still a long way from winning this war. I bet you.
I wouldn't be so sure, Baltazar.
You'll have to give away your want to him at some point, won't you?
Why do you ask?
Then you'll lose your magic powers. 3 times a cockroach!
I understand that much about magic too. It's all over for you, Johnny. We'll finally be rid of you.
And I highly doubt that the young Wizard even knows how to use his new-found powers.
-What's that? -That's something very special.
-Wasn't there a letter with that? -"From the one-armed."
"From the one-armed"?
I only know one person with only one arm. That was Grandad. My husband.
-Ah yeah, that's right. -We met on Oktoberfest in 1965. I was 16.
He came into the tent where I was working as a waitress.
I gave him something he could eat with his one arm. And then I fell in love with him.
And what does he look like?
Very dark hair like yours, brown eyes
Have I never shown you my photos of him? I guess I still miss him so much
that I never had the courage to show you my photos.
Look, that's him.
Do you like it?
Where did you say he was now again?
He's dead. He's been dead for a long time, somewhere in heaven.
In heaven?
Well yes, in heaven
Unbelievable!
It's such a shame you never got to know each other.
Oh gran, please don't cry!
You'd really have loved each other's company. Oh well, you know how life plays out.
Say, do you believe in miracles? In magic?
Honestly, I'm not so sure at the moment.
What did he look like? Was he wearing a tux and a hat? Did he know how to write?
Yes, Gran!
And did he have some kind of silver brass instrument?
Yes, exactly!
Then greet him next time, and tell him I love him,
and that I was always faithful to him.
Right, go up to sleep, and dream something pretty.
And as for that wand, you must only use it to help others,
but I'm sure he's told you that already. You...wizard!
That's what I'll do, Gran.
But this stays between us, promise?
Promise.
We're standing here in Cannes, ladies and gentlemen,
in front of the Festival Palace, as you can see behind me.
The film of Daniel Küblböck will be premiered here tonight.
Who'd have ever thought... (dialogue fades out).
Küblböck must go! Küblböck must go! Küblböck must go, must go...
"KÜBLBÖCK BADLY INJURED" "KÜBLBÖCK NEEDS PSYCHIATRIC HELP"
"HE WAS TRAPPED IN HERE" "TERRIBLE FEAR OF NEW OPERATION"
You don't need to be scared Daniel.