WEBVTT 00:00:06.031 --> 00:00:06.035 >>HEY CHIEF. 00:00:06.071 --> 00:00:07.169 I JUST GOT A CALL ABOUT THE GUY WHO ROBBED 00:00:08.069 --> 00:00:08.118 THAT JEWELRY STORE. 00:00:09.018 --> 00:00:10.094 >>GOOD, DID YOU GET A DESCRIPTION? 00:00:10.094 --> 00:00:11.102 >>YEAH.HE'S TALL, HISPANIC- 00:00:12.002 --> 00:00:13.050 >>WHOA! PETERSON! 00:00:13.005 --> 00:00:14.033 THAT'S KIND OF RACIST. 00:00:14.078 --> 00:00:15.177 DON'T YOU THINK? 00:00:15.879 --> 00:00:18.250 >>SAYING HIS ETHNICITY IS RACIST? 00:00:18.025 --> 00:00:18.088 >>YES! 00:00:18.088 --> 00:00:20.327 WHAT IF THE GUY IS MIDDLE EASTERN? 00:00:21.119 --> 00:00:23.181 OR HALF-HISPANIC, HALF-FILIPINO? 00:00:23.074 --> 00:00:24.933 >>I'M HALF FILIPINO. 00:00:25.599 --> 00:00:29.320 >>AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF SOMEONE SAID YOU WERE HISPANIC, 00:00:29.032 --> 00:00:30.073 ROGERS? 00:00:30.073 --> 00:00:33.104 >>EXCITED? 00:00:34.004 --> 00:00:34.013 >>NO, NO. 00:00:34.095 --> 00:00:34.168 THAT IS WRONG. 00:00:35.068 --> 00:00:36.101 YOU'D FEEL DISCRIMINATED. 00:00:37.001 --> 00:00:39.027 >>SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DESCRIBE THE PERPETRATOR 00:00:39.027 --> 00:00:39.121 WITHOUT SAYING HIS ETHNICITY? 00:00:40.021 --> 00:00:42.058 >>UM, I DON'T KNOW? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF HEIGHT? 00:00:42.058 --> 00:00:42.127 WEIGHT? 00:00:43.027 --> 00:00:45.051 TO WHAT DEGREE THEY LOOK LIKE KEVIN BACON. 00:00:45.051 --> 00:00:47.052 >>OKAY, BUT THOSE THINGS CAN 00:00:47.052 --> 00:00:48.056 ONLY TAKE YOU SO FAR. 00:00:48.092 --> 00:00:49.154 >>OKAY JONES. 00:00:50.054 --> 00:00:52.116 YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THERE ARE OTHER 00:00:53.016 --> 00:00:54.072 WAYS TO DESCRIBE SOMEONE. 00:00:54.072 --> 00:00:56.085 >>OK. WHAT DO YOU MEAN ME OF ALL PEOPLE? 00:00:56.085 --> 00:00:57.093 >>BECAUSE YOU'RE SHORT. 00:00:57.093 --> 00:00:58.101 >>TOUCHÉ. 00:01:00.086 --> 00:01:01.124 >>NOW, WHAT WAS YOUR PERP WEARING? 00:01:02.025 --> 00:01:03.104 >>HE WAS WEARING A SOMBRERO. 00:01:04.004 --> 00:01:05.058 >>YOU CAN'T SAY THAT EITHER! 00:01:05.058 --> 00:01:07.065 PEOPLE WILL TOTALLY THINK YOU'RE PROFILING. 00:01:07.065 --> 00:01:08.824 >>BUT THAT WAS ACTUALLY WHAT HE WAS WEARING! 00:01:09.409 --> 00:01:10.487 >>OK PETERSON, NOT EVERYTHING IS ONE 00:01:11.189 --> 00:01:12.257 COLOR AND ANOTHER COLOR. 00:01:12.869 --> 00:01:14.960 >>YOU MEAN BLACK AND WHITE? 00:01:14.096 --> 00:01:16.188 >>I'M THIS CLOSE TO TAKING YOUR BADGE. 00:01:17.088 --> 00:01:20.114 NOW READ YOUR REPORT BACK TO ME WITHOUT THE OFFENSIVE PARTS. 00:01:21.014 --> 00:01:22.133 >>NOTHING IN THE DESCRIPTION IS OFFENSIVE, 00:01:22.259 --> 00:01:23.313 BUT OKAY, MY SEARCH REQUEST IS FOR A 00:01:23.799 --> 00:01:27.090 PERSON WITH AN ACCENT FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE, 00:01:27.009 --> 00:01:30.988 WHO IS WEARING A TRADITIONAL HAT FROM A CULTURE, 00:01:31.069 --> 00:01:33.097 HE IS ALSO SIX FEET TALL- 00:01:33.349 --> 00:01:34.394 >>WHOA. 00:01:34.799 --> 00:01:34.892 CAN'T SAY THAT EITHER. 00:01:35.729 --> 00:01:35.828 THAT'S OFFENSIVE TO EUROPEANS. 00:01:36.719 --> 00:01:36.791 >>WHAT? 00:01:37.044 --> 00:01:40.052 >>SOME PEOPLE USE THE METRIC SYSTEM! 00:01:40.052 --> 00:01:42.151 I FIND IT BEST JUST TO COMPARE PEOPLE TO THE 00:01:42.619 --> 00:01:42.712 HEIGHT OF OTHER THINGS. 00:01:43.549 --> 00:01:47.590 WAS HE AS TALL AS A TREE OR AS SHORT AS A SMALLER TREE? 00:01:47.059 --> 00:01:49.106 >>OKAY NO ONE WILL EVER FIND HIM! 00:01:50.006 --> 00:01:51.905 HE COULD BE A BILLION DIFFERENT PEOPLE! 00:01:51.959 --> 00:01:52.004 >>GREAT! 00:01:52.409 --> 00:01:54.433 WE'VE ALREADY NARROWED IT DOWN BY SIX BILLION PEOPLE! 00:01:54.649 --> 00:01:56.730 >>OKAY, LET'S SAY I NEEDED TO FILE A 00:01:57.459 --> 00:01:59.485 REPORT FOR A 45-YEAR OLD FEMALE DRUG DEALER WITH A- 00:01:59.719 --> 00:02:01.761 >>AH, NO YOU CAN'T SAY FEMALE; SEXISM. 00:02:02.139 --> 00:02:05.148 WHAT IF IT TURNS OUT SHE'S A MAN WITH VERY FEMININE LEGS? 00:02:05.229 --> 00:02:06.323 I'M LIKE THAT. 00:02:07.169 --> 00:02:09.160 >>WOW. 00:02:09.014 --> 00:02:10.084 >>OK. 00:02:10.084 --> 00:02:11.151 >>ALRIGHT. 00:02:12.051 --> 00:02:13.750 SO I HAVE TO SAY, I WANT TO REPORT A 00:02:14.209 --> 00:02:16.223 45-YEAR OLD HOUR GLASS SHAPED FORM? 00:02:16.349 --> 00:02:18.790 >>YEAH, BUT WATCH HOW YOU SAY SHE'S 45. 00:02:18.079 --> 00:02:19.162 YOU MADE IT SOUND LIKE YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS OLD. 00:02:20.062 --> 00:02:21.090 MAKE IT SOUND MORE CELEBRATORY. 00:02:21.009 --> 00:02:21.091 >>45! 00:02:22.072 --> 00:02:25.041 >>NO NOT LIKE IT'S BETTER THAN ANY OTHER AGE. 00:02:25.689 --> 00:02:26.480 >>45. 00:02:26.048 --> 00:02:26.056 >>PERFECT. 00:02:27.028 --> 00:02:30.051 >>HEY CAPTAIN, UPDATE ON THE BANK ROBBERY CASE. 00:02:30.051 --> 00:02:34.112 I NEED A WARRANT OUT FOR A JUNIPER BUSH-HEIGHT THING WITH A 00:02:35.012 --> 00:02:36.067 NICE FACE WHO DRESSES FANCY. 00:02:36.067 --> 00:02:38.216 >>YEAH, AND EVERYONE BE ON THE LOOKOUT 00:02:38.819 --> 00:02:40.760 FOR A HUMAN BEING WEARING PANTS. 00:02:40.076 --> 00:02:43.090 THEY WERE LAST SEEN AT A STORE THAT SPECIALIZES IN 00:02:43.009 --> 00:02:45.738 THINGS SOME PEOPLE LIKE, BUT OTHERS DON'T 00:02:46.629 --> 00:02:48.430 AND THAT'S OKAY. 00:02:48.043 --> 00:02:49.102 >>SEE? 00:02:49.489 --> 00:02:51.180 HANSEN AND WATTS GOT THE MEMO. 00:02:51.018 --> 00:02:52.039 GOOD LUCK GUYS! 00:02:52.039 --> 00:02:55.050 YOU'LL GET HIM OR HER OR IT! 00:02:55.005 --> 00:02:58.061 >>THOSE SENTENCES DESCRIBED NOTHING ABOUT ANYONE! 00:02:59.006 --> 00:03:00.014 >>YEAH, FOR ALL WE KNOW, 00:03:00.014 --> 00:03:01.097 ONE OF THOSE WARRANTS COULD BE FOR YOU! 00:03:01.097 --> 00:03:01.506 >>WHAT? 00:03:02.379 --> 00:03:02.790 >>YEAH. 00:03:02.079 --> 00:03:03.758 YOU COULD BE THE HEIGHT OF A JUNIPER BUSH. 00:03:04.469 --> 00:03:06.530 >>UH CLEARLY I'M THE SIZE OF A DOUGLAS FIR! 00:03:07.079 --> 00:03:09.870 LOOK PEOPLE, THIS IS THE WORLD 00:03:09.087 --> 00:03:09.186 WE LIVE IN NOW. 00:03:10.086 --> 00:03:14.665 SO TAKE YOUR SKINS OF VARIOUS PERFECTLY HUED TONES OUT 00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:17.840 OF HERE AND GET TO WORK! 00:03:17.084 --> 00:03:20.483 >>CATCH THAT JUNIPER BUSH-HEIGHT, 00:03:21.239 --> 00:03:23.790 FANCY DRESSED THING! 00:03:23.079 --> 00:03:25.167 >>HEY DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT GYPSY? 00:03:26.067 --> 00:03:26.161 HILARIOUS 00:03:27.061 --> 00:03:27.159 >>WHAT?