>>HEY CHIEF. I JUST GOT A CALL ABOUT THE GUY WHO ROBBED THAT JEWELRY STORE. >>GOOD, DID YOU GET A DESCRIPTION? >>YEAH.HE'S TALL, HISPANIC- >>WHOA! PETERSON! THAT'S KIND OF RACIST. DON'T YOU THINK? >>SAYING HIS ETHNICITY IS RACIST? >>YES! WHAT IF THE GUY IS MIDDLE EASTERN? OR HALF-HISPANIC, HALF-FILIPINO? >>I'M HALF FILIPINO. >>AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF SOMEONE SAID YOU WERE HISPANIC, ROGERS? >>EXCITED? >>NO, NO. THAT IS WRONG. YOU'D FEEL DISCRIMINATED. >>SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DESCRIBE THE PERPETRATOR WITHOUT SAYING HIS ETHNICITY? >>UM, I DON'T KNOW? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF HEIGHT? WEIGHT? TO WHAT DEGREE THEY LOOK LIKE KEVIN BACON. >>OKAY, BUT THOSE THINGS CAN ONLY TAKE YOU SO FAR. >>OKAY JONES. YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO DESCRIBE SOMEONE. >>OK. WHAT DO YOU MEAN ME OF ALL PEOPLE? >>BECAUSE YOU'RE SHORT. >>TOUCHÉ. >>NOW, WHAT WAS YOUR PERP WEARING? >>HE WAS WEARING A SOMBRERO. >>YOU CAN'T SAY THAT EITHER! PEOPLE WILL TOTALLY THINK YOU'RE PROFILING. >>BUT THAT WAS ACTUALLY WHAT HE WAS WEARING! >>OK PETERSON, NOT EVERYTHING IS ONE COLOR AND ANOTHER COLOR. >>YOU MEAN BLACK AND WHITE? >>I'M THIS CLOSE TO TAKING YOUR BADGE. NOW READ YOUR REPORT BACK TO ME WITHOUT THE OFFENSIVE PARTS. >>NOTHING IN THE DESCRIPTION IS OFFENSIVE, BUT OKAY, MY SEARCH REQUEST IS FOR A PERSON WITH AN ACCENT FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE, WHO IS WEARING A TRADITIONAL HAT FROM A CULTURE, HE IS ALSO SIX FEET TALL- >>WHOA. CAN'T SAY THAT EITHER. THAT'S OFFENSIVE TO EUROPEANS. >>WHAT? >>SOME PEOPLE USE THE METRIC SYSTEM! I FIND IT BEST JUST TO COMPARE PEOPLE TO THE HEIGHT OF OTHER THINGS. WAS HE AS TALL AS A TREE OR AS SHORT AS A SMALLER TREE? >>OKAY NO ONE WILL EVER FIND HIM! HE COULD BE A BILLION DIFFERENT PEOPLE! >>GREAT! WE'VE ALREADY NARROWED IT DOWN BY SIX BILLION PEOPLE! >>OKAY, LET'S SAY I NEEDED TO FILE A REPORT FOR A 45-YEAR OLD FEMALE DRUG DEALER WITH A- >>AH, NO YOU CAN'T SAY FEMALE; SEXISM. WHAT IF IT TURNS OUT SHE'S A MAN WITH VERY FEMININE LEGS? I'M LIKE THAT. >>WOW. >>OK. >>ALRIGHT. SO I HAVE TO SAY, I WANT TO REPORT A 45-YEAR OLD HOUR GLASS SHAPED FORM? >>YEAH, BUT WATCH HOW YOU SAY SHE'S 45. YOU MADE IT SOUND LIKE YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS OLD. MAKE IT SOUND MORE CELEBRATORY. >>45! >>NO NOT LIKE IT'S BETTER THAN ANY OTHER AGE. >>45. >>PERFECT. >>HEY CAPTAIN, UPDATE ON THE BANK ROBBERY CASE. I NEED A WARRANT OUT FOR A JUNIPER BUSH-HEIGHT THING WITH A NICE FACE WHO DRESSES FANCY. >>YEAH, AND EVERYONE BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A HUMAN BEING WEARING PANTS. THEY WERE LAST SEEN AT A STORE THAT SPECIALIZES IN THINGS SOME PEOPLE LIKE, BUT OTHERS DON'T AND THAT'S OKAY. >>SEE? HANSEN AND WATTS GOT THE MEMO. GOOD LUCK GUYS! YOU'LL GET HIM OR HER OR IT! >>THOSE SENTENCES DESCRIBED NOTHING ABOUT ANYONE! >>YEAH, FOR ALL WE KNOW, ONE OF THOSE WARRANTS COULD BE FOR YOU! >>WHAT? >>YEAH. YOU COULD BE THE HEIGHT OF A JUNIPER BUSH. >>UH CLEARLY I'M THE SIZE OF A DOUGLAS FIR! LOOK PEOPLE, THIS IS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN NOW. SO TAKE YOUR SKINS OF VARIOUS PERFECTLY HUED TONES OUT OF HERE AND GET TO WORK! >>CATCH THAT JUNIPER BUSH-HEIGHT, FANCY DRESSED THING! >>HEY DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT GYPSY? HILARIOUS >>WHAT?