1 00:00:06,031 --> 00:00:06,035 >>HEY CHIEF. 2 00:00:06,071 --> 00:00:07,169 I JUST GOT A CALL ABOUT THE GUY WHO ROBBED 3 00:00:08,069 --> 00:00:08,118 THAT JEWELRY STORE. 4 00:00:09,018 --> 00:00:10,094 >>GOOD, DID YOU GET A DESCRIPTION? 5 00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:11,102 >>YEAH.HE'S TALL, HISPANIC- 6 00:00:12,002 --> 00:00:13,050 >>WHOA! PETERSON! 7 00:00:13,005 --> 00:00:14,033 THAT'S KIND OF RACIST. 8 00:00:14,078 --> 00:00:15,177 DON'T YOU THINK? 9 00:00:15,879 --> 00:00:18,250 >>SAYING HIS ETHNICITY IS RACIST? 10 00:00:18,025 --> 00:00:18,088 >>YES! 11 00:00:18,088 --> 00:00:20,327 WHAT IF THE GUY IS MIDDLE EASTERN? 12 00:00:21,119 --> 00:00:23,181 OR HALF-HISPANIC, HALF-FILIPINO? 13 00:00:23,074 --> 00:00:24,933 >>I'M HALF FILIPINO. 14 00:00:25,599 --> 00:00:29,320 >>AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF SOMEONE SAID YOU WERE HISPANIC, 15 00:00:29,032 --> 00:00:30,073 ROGERS? 16 00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:33,104 >>EXCITED? 17 00:00:34,004 --> 00:00:34,013 >>NO, NO. 18 00:00:34,095 --> 00:00:34,168 THAT IS WRONG. 19 00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:36,101 YOU'D FEEL DISCRIMINATED. 20 00:00:37,001 --> 00:00:39,027 >>SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DESCRIBE THE PERPETRATOR 21 00:00:39,027 --> 00:00:39,121 WITHOUT SAYING HIS ETHNICITY? 22 00:00:40,021 --> 00:00:42,058 >>UM, I DON'T KNOW? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF HEIGHT? 23 00:00:42,058 --> 00:00:42,127 WEIGHT? 24 00:00:43,027 --> 00:00:45,051 TO WHAT DEGREE THEY LOOK LIKE KEVIN BACON. 25 00:00:45,051 --> 00:00:47,052 >>OKAY, BUT THOSE THINGS CAN 26 00:00:47,052 --> 00:00:48,056 ONLY TAKE YOU SO FAR. 27 00:00:48,092 --> 00:00:49,154 >>OKAY JONES. 28 00:00:50,054 --> 00:00:52,116 YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THERE ARE OTHER 29 00:00:53,016 --> 00:00:54,072 WAYS TO DESCRIBE SOMEONE. 30 00:00:54,072 --> 00:00:56,085 >>OK. WHAT DO YOU MEAN ME OF ALL PEOPLE? 31 00:00:56,085 --> 00:00:57,093 >>BECAUSE YOU'RE SHORT. 32 00:00:57,093 --> 00:00:58,101 >>TOUCHÉ. 33 00:01:00,086 --> 00:01:01,124 >>NOW, WHAT WAS YOUR PERP WEARING? 34 00:01:02,025 --> 00:01:03,104 >>HE WAS WEARING A SOMBRERO. 35 00:01:04,004 --> 00:01:05,058 >>YOU CAN'T SAY THAT EITHER! 36 00:01:05,058 --> 00:01:07,065 PEOPLE WILL TOTALLY THINK YOU'RE PROFILING. 37 00:01:07,065 --> 00:01:08,824 >>BUT THAT WAS ACTUALLY WHAT HE WAS WEARING! 38 00:01:09,409 --> 00:01:10,487 >>OK PETERSON, NOT EVERYTHING IS ONE 39 00:01:11,189 --> 00:01:12,257 COLOR AND ANOTHER COLOR. 40 00:01:12,869 --> 00:01:14,960 >>YOU MEAN BLACK AND WHITE? 41 00:01:14,096 --> 00:01:16,188 >>I'M THIS CLOSE TO TAKING YOUR BADGE. 42 00:01:17,088 --> 00:01:20,114 NOW READ YOUR REPORT BACK TO ME WITHOUT THE OFFENSIVE PARTS. 43 00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,133 >>NOTHING IN THE DESCRIPTION IS OFFENSIVE, 44 00:01:22,259 --> 00:01:23,313 BUT OKAY, MY SEARCH REQUEST IS FOR A 45 00:01:23,799 --> 00:01:27,090 PERSON WITH AN ACCENT FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE, 46 00:01:27,009 --> 00:01:30,988 WHO IS WEARING A TRADITIONAL HAT FROM A CULTURE, 47 00:01:31,069 --> 00:01:33,097 HE IS ALSO SIX FEET TALL- 48 00:01:33,349 --> 00:01:34,394 >>WHOA. 49 00:01:34,799 --> 00:01:34,892 CAN'T SAY THAT EITHER. 50 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:35,828 THAT'S OFFENSIVE TO EUROPEANS. 51 00:01:36,719 --> 00:01:36,791 >>WHAT? 52 00:01:37,044 --> 00:01:40,052 >>SOME PEOPLE USE THE METRIC SYSTEM! 53 00:01:40,052 --> 00:01:42,151 I FIND IT BEST JUST TO COMPARE PEOPLE TO THE 54 00:01:42,619 --> 00:01:42,712 HEIGHT OF OTHER THINGS. 55 00:01:43,549 --> 00:01:47,590 WAS HE AS TALL AS A TREE OR AS SHORT AS A SMALLER TREE? 56 00:01:47,059 --> 00:01:49,106 >>OKAY NO ONE WILL EVER FIND HIM! 57 00:01:50,006 --> 00:01:51,905 HE COULD BE A BILLION DIFFERENT PEOPLE! 58 00:01:51,959 --> 00:01:52,004 >>GREAT! 59 00:01:52,409 --> 00:01:54,433 WE'VE ALREADY NARROWED IT DOWN BY SIX BILLION PEOPLE! 60 00:01:54,649 --> 00:01:56,730 >>OKAY, LET'S SAY I NEEDED TO FILE A 61 00:01:57,459 --> 00:01:59,485 REPORT FOR A 45-YEAR OLD FEMALE DRUG DEALER WITH A- 62 00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:01,761 >>AH, NO YOU CAN'T SAY FEMALE; SEXISM. 63 00:02:02,139 --> 00:02:05,148 WHAT IF IT TURNS OUT SHE'S A MAN WITH VERY FEMININE LEGS? 64 00:02:05,229 --> 00:02:06,323 I'M LIKE THAT. 65 00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:09,160 >>WOW. 66 00:02:09,014 --> 00:02:10,084 >>OK. 67 00:02:10,084 --> 00:02:11,151 >>ALRIGHT. 68 00:02:12,051 --> 00:02:13,750 SO I HAVE TO SAY, I WANT TO REPORT A 69 00:02:14,209 --> 00:02:16,223 45-YEAR OLD HOUR GLASS SHAPED FORM? 70 00:02:16,349 --> 00:02:18,790 >>YEAH, BUT WATCH HOW YOU SAY SHE'S 45. 71 00:02:18,079 --> 00:02:19,162 YOU MADE IT SOUND LIKE YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS OLD. 72 00:02:20,062 --> 00:02:21,090 MAKE IT SOUND MORE CELEBRATORY. 73 00:02:21,009 --> 00:02:21,091 >>45! 74 00:02:22,072 --> 00:02:25,041 >>NO NOT LIKE IT'S BETTER THAN ANY OTHER AGE. 75 00:02:25,689 --> 00:02:26,480 >>45. 76 00:02:26,048 --> 00:02:26,056 >>PERFECT. 77 00:02:27,028 --> 00:02:30,051 >>HEY CAPTAIN, UPDATE ON THE BANK ROBBERY CASE. 78 00:02:30,051 --> 00:02:34,112 I NEED A WARRANT OUT FOR A JUNIPER BUSH-HEIGHT THING WITH A 79 00:02:35,012 --> 00:02:36,067 NICE FACE WHO DRESSES FANCY. 80 00:02:36,067 --> 00:02:38,216 >>YEAH, AND EVERYONE BE ON THE LOOKOUT 81 00:02:38,819 --> 00:02:40,760 FOR A HUMAN BEING WEARING PANTS. 82 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:43,090 THEY WERE LAST SEEN AT A STORE THAT SPECIALIZES IN 83 00:02:43,009 --> 00:02:45,738 THINGS SOME PEOPLE LIKE, BUT OTHERS DON'T 84 00:02:46,629 --> 00:02:48,430 AND THAT'S OKAY. 85 00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:49,102 >>SEE? 86 00:02:49,489 --> 00:02:51,180 HANSEN AND WATTS GOT THE MEMO. 87 00:02:51,018 --> 00:02:52,039 GOOD LUCK GUYS! 88 00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:55,050 YOU'LL GET HIM OR HER OR IT! 89 00:02:55,005 --> 00:02:58,061 >>THOSE SENTENCES DESCRIBED NOTHING ABOUT ANYONE! 90 00:02:59,006 --> 00:03:00,014 >>YEAH, FOR ALL WE KNOW, 91 00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:01,097 ONE OF THOSE WARRANTS COULD BE FOR YOU! 92 00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:01,506 >>WHAT? 93 00:03:02,379 --> 00:03:02,790 >>YEAH. 94 00:03:02,079 --> 00:03:03,758 YOU COULD BE THE HEIGHT OF A JUNIPER BUSH. 95 00:03:04,469 --> 00:03:06,530 >>UH CLEARLY I'M THE SIZE OF A DOUGLAS FIR! 96 00:03:07,079 --> 00:03:09,870 LOOK PEOPLE, THIS IS THE WORLD 97 00:03:09,087 --> 00:03:09,186 WE LIVE IN NOW. 98 00:03:10,086 --> 00:03:14,665 SO TAKE YOUR SKINS OF VARIOUS PERFECTLY HUED TONES OUT 99 00:03:15,439 --> 00:03:17,840 OF HERE AND GET TO WORK! 100 00:03:17,084 --> 00:03:20,483 >>CATCH THAT JUNIPER BUSH-HEIGHT, 101 00:03:21,239 --> 00:03:23,790 FANCY DRESSED THING! 102 00:03:23,079 --> 00:03:25,167 >>HEY DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT GYPSY? 103 00:03:26,067 --> 00:03:26,161 HILARIOUS 104 00:03:27,061 --> 00:03:27,159 >>WHAT?