[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.36,0:00:28.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a writer, I've spent my career \Nthinking about stories and how they work.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.57,0:00:33.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've fit dramatic pieces\Ninto narrative puzzles,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.18,0:00:38.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've thought about what feels true \Nversus what simply feels good.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.62,0:00:42.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I never realized\Nhow much I bought into the idea
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.63,0:00:44.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of beginnings and endings
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.64,0:00:49.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until I started trying to make sense\Nof the pieces of my own story.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.98,0:00:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the beginning,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.72,0:00:54.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's not really the beginning.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.01,0:00:58.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On a Monday night in August 2009,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.30,0:01:01.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my ex-husband confronted me\Nwith a shotgun
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.29,0:01:03.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and trapped me in my garage.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.13,0:01:08.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He had been struggling\Nwith prescription pill abuse.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.36,0:01:10.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He'd lost his job.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.25,0:01:11.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He'd lost his wife.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.83,0:01:16.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He'd lost that thing\Nthat keeps us tethered to this world:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.45,0:01:18.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the ability to see tomorrow.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.46,0:01:23.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said to me,\N"You don't know how hard this is ..."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.91,0:01:26.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And only moments later,\Nhe took his own life\N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.50,0:01:30.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so then I would know how hard it was too.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.52,0:01:33.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the wake of devastation,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.36,0:01:36.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those who are affected\Ncan fall into a trap
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.01,0:01:40.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of believing the universe has punished us\Nbased on our worth as a human being.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.21,0:01:42.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if we're now good enough,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.76,0:01:44.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we learn our lesson,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.82,0:01:46.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we'll be rewarded.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.03,0:01:53.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what books and movies and so many\Ntragedy narratives tell us comes next.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.94,0:01:55.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the wake of my own devastation,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.76,0:01:58.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I came up with a list of things\Nthe universe could bring me
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.66,0:02:00.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that might make things right:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.11,0:02:02.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a Best Actress Oscar
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.94,0:02:06.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for a role I like to call\Na human woman pretending to be okay;
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.24,0:02:07.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.73,0:02:12.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a call from Oprah asking me\Nto be part of her book club;
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.76,0:02:14.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and finally -
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.29,0:02:16.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is the most important one -
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.11,0:02:18.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,George Clooney as my boyfriend.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.57,0:02:19.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.40,0:02:24.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I fell into this trap for a while -\Nof waiting for what comes next.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.49,0:02:29.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I made vision boards,\NI read self-help books,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.48,0:02:34.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went to therapy,\Nand I tried to learn my lesson.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.79,0:02:37.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I was looking for, of course,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.07,0:02:39.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was something to make sense of the past,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.98,0:02:44.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some equal, yet completely\Nopposite reaction
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.06,0:02:47.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that could bring\Na traumatic story to an end.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.26,0:02:52.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had the idea that maybe\Nthis phase of tragedy could be over
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.86,0:02:55.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if only some happily\Never after came along.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.43,0:03:00.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the structure\Nof the stories we're raised on,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.44,0:03:03.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the cinematic sweep of epic films,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.67,0:03:06.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the narratives that take a person\Nfrom rock bottom
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.61,0:03:10.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to glorious heights of success and love
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.30,0:03:12.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all in less than two hours.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.33,0:03:17.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what happens in movies\NI like to call "misfortune porn."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.82,0:03:19.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't Google that by the way.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.79,0:03:22.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.18,0:03:23.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.73,0:03:29.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Misfortune porn is a movie\Nwhere you have this sad lead character,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.02,0:03:33.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they get screwed non-stop \Nfor at least an hour and 45 minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.57,0:03:36.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then at the end they get their reward.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.68,0:03:41.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The cinematic reward for tragedy\Nis having your dream come true
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.30,0:03:43.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or making a big play
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.90,0:03:47.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and getting carried off the field\Non the shoulders of your teammates,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.76,0:03:50.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,getting carried out of the factory\Nby the leading man,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.17,0:03:53.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,someone starts a slow clap,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.23,0:03:54.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,everyone cheers,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.81,0:03:56.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,credits roll.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.53,0:03:57.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The End.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.79,0:04:04.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We want the cinematic climax to be\Nthe structure of our own difficult stories
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.17,0:04:07.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Sighs)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.86,0:04:12.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I entertained fantasies\Nabout things that could save me
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.44,0:04:15.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I felt I needed saving,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.99,0:04:19.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cinematic happy-ending saving.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.95,0:04:24.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wanted the things people promised me\Nin their messages of condolence,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.09,0:04:28.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the things we say\Nwhen we don't know what to say:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.63,0:04:30.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"This happened for a reason."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.12,0:04:33.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You will find happiness again."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.85,0:04:36.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You deserve something wonderful."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.95,0:04:39.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the terrible truth is
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.62,0:04:42.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that even the biggest thing\Nyou can dream up
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.62,0:04:45.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is not the secret to healing your grief.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.53,0:04:52.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What arrived for me, for a while,\Nwas a case of chronic disappointment,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.66,0:04:55.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a certainty that I must be\Ndoing something wrong,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.76,0:04:58.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was failing to learn my lesson.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.58,0:04:59.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I needed answers,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.78,0:05:03.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I made looking for answers\Nmy full-time job.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.83,0:05:06.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I looked for answers in the suicide note
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.55,0:05:10.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my ex-husband had written\Nonly moments before we were in the garage.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.33,0:05:14.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it didn't give me\Nthe answers I needed or wanted.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.54,0:05:17.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Notes like these rarely do.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.37,0:05:20.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He had written seven words:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.69,0:05:24.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm so sorry. This is very hard."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.60,0:05:28.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One winter day a few years ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.69,0:05:32.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was sitting at my kitchen table\Nwriting about what had happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.79,0:05:36.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was looking out the window\Npast the bare trees
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.81,0:05:41.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,toward this vast expanse\Nof peaks and valleys in the distance.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.56,0:05:42.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's this amazing view
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.87,0:05:46.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I forget about completely\Nwhen everything is in bloom.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.04,0:05:49.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now by this time,\NI'd written thousands of words
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.28,0:05:50.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in journals, and blog posts,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.96,0:05:54.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in letters to people\Nwho could never read them -
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.45,0:05:58.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all in this attempt\Nto understand devastation.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.60,0:06:01.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when you got down to it,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.10,0:06:05.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really, what I'd written\Nwas just a longer version
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.02,0:06:09.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of "I'm so sorry. This is very hard."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.35,0:06:12.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And on this day it struck me
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.90,0:06:17.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we cannot wait for the universe\Nto bring us some amazing thing,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.43,0:06:21.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some equal yet opposite event\Nthat will make up for tragedies.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.30,0:06:25.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we cannot wait for a grand reckoning
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.07,0:06:28.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that will explain what is unexplainable.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.73,0:06:36.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because no good thing can be big enough\Nto erase loss from who we are now,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.80,0:06:38.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not even George Clooney,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.64,0:06:43.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who, I don't know if you heard,\Nbut he got married, not to me ...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.66,0:06:45.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.50,0:06:48.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know why.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.92,0:06:51.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I decided to stop saying,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.89,0:06:54.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"This happened for a reason."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.45,0:06:57.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The next thing that happens\Nhas to be great."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.85,0:07:00.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Something or someone will save me."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.08,0:07:05.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I decided to allow myself\Nto say what is true:
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.71,0:07:08.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"This is very hard."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.10,0:07:12.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,While "Once upon a time"\Nand "Happily ever after"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.90,0:07:15.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are the structure of so many movies,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.58,0:07:18.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"sorry" and "hard" and "okay"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.83,0:07:21.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are more akin to the structure of life.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.97,0:07:24.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this is the ending,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.91,0:07:26.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's not really the ending.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.53,0:07:29.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everything is going to be okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.87,0:07:31.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know this now.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.83,0:07:34.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's going to be hard again too,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.66,0:07:36.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then it'll be okay again.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.76,0:07:40.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Good and wonderful things will come along,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.12,0:07:43.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and difficult things\Nwill find their way in too.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.31,0:07:46.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At the heart of any story,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.22,0:07:51.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what you find beyond\Nthe attention-grabbing highs and lows
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.98,0:07:56.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is this battle for balance\Nbetween hard and okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.57,0:07:58.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is where we live.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.49,0:08:00.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not cinematic.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.34,0:08:03.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't come with a dramatic score\Nor cheering crowd,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.02,0:08:07.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but there is something beautiful\Nabout how we survive it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.31,0:08:14.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We begin to heal when we give up the idea\Nthat a tragedy is a beginning
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.36,0:08:18.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if we're good enough,\Nwe'll be rewarded with an ending.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.83,0:08:21.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't need a Hollywood ending.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.63,0:08:26.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We only need to regain our equilibrium\Nas often as necessary.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.47,0:08:29.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we stop asking "What next,"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.91,0:08:33.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can find our way\Ntoward accepting "What is."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.86,0:08:38.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We do this by acknowledging\Nour struggle and our regrets,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.71,0:08:42.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we allow these things\Nto have a place in our lives,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.90,0:08:45.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not as roadblocks to something better,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.01,0:08:49.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but as essential elements\Nof life structure.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.18,0:08:54.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In this way, in tiny increments every day,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.37,0:08:57.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can make peace with our own stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.64,0:08:58.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.00,0:09:03.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)