[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.12,0:00:02.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are things we say
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.42,0:00:04.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we catch the eye of a stranger
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.63,0:00:07.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or a neighbor walking by.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.35,0:00:09.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We say hello, how are you,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.98,0:00:11.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's a beautiful day,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.96,0:00:13.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how do you feel?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.69,0:00:15.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These sound kind of meaningless, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.42,0:00:17.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in some ways they are.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.38,0:00:20.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have no semantic meaning.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.64,0:00:24.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't matter how you are\Nor what the day is like.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.07,0:00:25.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have something else.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.61,0:00:27.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have social meaning.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.93,0:00:30.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What we mean when we say those things is,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.73,0:00:33.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I see you there.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.10,0:00:37.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm obsessed with talking to strangers.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.22,0:00:39.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I make eye contact, say hello,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.66,0:00:42.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I offer help, I listen.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.58,0:00:45.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I get all kinds of stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.15,0:00:49.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,About seven years ago, I started\Ndocumenting my experiences
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.06,0:00:51.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to try to figure out why.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.56,0:00:56.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I found was that something\Nreally beautiful was going on.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.45,0:00:58.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is almost poetic.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.27,0:01:01.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These were really profound experiences.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.51,0:01:03.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They were unexpected pleasures.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.48,0:01:06.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They were genuine emotional connections.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.47,0:01:09.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They were liberating moments.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.22,0:01:13.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So one day, I was standing on a corner
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.07,0:01:14.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,waiting for the light to change,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.50,0:01:15.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which, I'm a New Yorker,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.96,0:01:19.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that means I was actually\Nstanding in the street on the storm drain
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.39,0:01:22.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as if that could get me across faster.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.25,0:01:24.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there's an old man\Nstanding next to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.22,0:01:28.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So he's wearing, like, a long overcoat\Nand sort of an old man hat,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.22,0:01:31.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he looked like somebody from a movie.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.21,0:01:32.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he says to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.36,0:01:36.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Don't stand there. You might disappear."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.29,0:01:37.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this is absurd, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.62,0:01:40.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I did what he said.\NI stepped back onto the sidewalk.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.64,0:01:43.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he smiled, and he said,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.42,0:01:45.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Good. You never know.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.06,0:01:46.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I might have turned around,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.45,0:01:49.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and zoop, you're gone."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.67,0:01:51.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was weird,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.89,0:01:54.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and also really wonderful.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.34,0:01:58.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was so warm, and he was\Nso happy that he'd saved me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.19,0:02:00.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We'd had this little bond.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.08,0:02:04.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For a minute, I felt like\Nmy existence as a person
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.27,0:02:06.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had been noticed,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.20,0:02:08.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was worth saving.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.41,0:02:12.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The really sad thing is,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.22,0:02:14.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in many parts of the world,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.41,0:02:18.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're raised to believe\Nthat strangers are dangerous by default,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.42,0:02:22.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we can't trust them,\Nthat they might hurt us.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.41,0:02:25.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But most strangers aren't dangerous.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.19,0:02:29.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're uneasy around them\Nbecause we have no context.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.01,0:02:31.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't know what their intentions are.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.23,0:02:34.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So instead of using our perceptions\Nand making choices,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.73,0:02:39.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we rely on this category of "stranger."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.27,0:02:41.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have a four-year old.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.10,0:02:43.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I say hello to people on the street,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.05,0:02:44.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she asks me why.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.97,0:02:48.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She says, "Do we know them?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.10,0:02:50.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I say, "No, they're our neighbor."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.50,0:02:53.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Are they our friend?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.15,0:02:55.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"No, it's just good to be friendly."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.96,0:02:58.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think twice every time I say that to her
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.93,0:03:03.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I mean it, but as a woman,\Nparticularly, I know that not every
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.68,0:03:07.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stranger on the street\Nhas the best intentions.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.09,0:03:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is good to be friendly, and it's good\Nto learn when not to be,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.00,0:03:14.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but none of that means\Nwe have to be afraid.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.60,0:03:18.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are two huge benefits
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.09,0:03:21.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to using our senses instead of our fears.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.21,0:03:25.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first one is that it liberates us.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.25,0:03:27.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you think about it,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.77,0:03:30.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,using perception instead of categories
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.32,0:03:33.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is much easier said than done.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.05,0:03:35.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Categories are something our brains use.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.63,0:03:37.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When it comes to people,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.51,0:03:40.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's sort of a shortcut\Nfor learning about them.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.86,0:03:44.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We see male, female, young, old,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.56,0:03:48.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,black, brown, white, stranger, friend,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.83,0:03:52.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we use the information in that box.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.30,0:03:54.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's quick, it's easy,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.26,0:03:56.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's a road to bias.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.22,0:04:01.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it means we're not thinking\Nabout people as individuals.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.96,0:04:05.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know an American researcher\Nwho travels frequently
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.10,0:04:09.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in central Asia and Africa alone.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.14,0:04:11.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's entering into towns and cities
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.62,0:04:14.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a complete stranger.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.17,0:04:16.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She has no bonds, no connections.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.39,0:04:18.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's a foreigner.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.02,0:04:20.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her survival strategy is this:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.60,0:04:24.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get one stranger to see you\Nas a real individual person.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.96,0:04:29.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you can do that, it'll help\Nother people see you that way too.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.06,0:04:34.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second benefit of using our senses\Nhas to do with intimacy.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.27,0:04:36.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know that sounds\Na little counterintuitive,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.68,0:04:38.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,intimacy and strangers,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.66,0:04:41.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but these quick interactions
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.01,0:04:45.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can lead to a feeling that sociologists\Ncall "fleeting intimacy."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.94,0:04:50.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it's a brief experience\Nthat has emotional resonance and meaning.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.31,0:04:53.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the good feeling I got
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.48,0:04:58.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from being saved from the death trap\Nof the storm drain by the old man,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.99,0:05:02.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or how I feel like part of a community\Nwhen I talk to somebody
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.41,0:05:05.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on my train on the way to work.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.66,0:05:07.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes it goes further.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.92,0:05:12.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Researchers have found that people\Noften feel more comfortable
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.77,0:05:15.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being honest and open\Nabout their inner selves
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.40,0:05:19.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with strangers than they do\Nwith their friends and their families,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.97,0:05:23.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they often feel\Nmore understood by strangers.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.22,0:05:29.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This gets reported in the media\Nwith great lament.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.33,0:05:32.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Strangers communicate\Nbetter than spouses!"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.06,0:05:34.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a good headline, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.78,0:05:38.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think it entirely misses the point.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.97,0:05:41.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The important thing about these studies
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.06,0:05:44.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is just how significant\Nthese interactions can be,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.42,0:05:47.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how this special form of closeness
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.68,0:05:50.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gives us something we need\Nas much as we need our friends
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.67,0:05:53.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and our families.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.11,0:05:58.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So how is it possible that we\Ncommunicate so well with strangers?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.19,0:06:00.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are two reasons.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.48,0:06:03.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first one is that\Nit's a quick interaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.40,0:06:05.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It has no consequences.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.32,0:06:08.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's easy to be honest with someone\Nyou're never going to see again. Right?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.25,0:06:10.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That makes sense.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.40,0:06:13.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second reason is where\Nit gets more interesting.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.03,0:06:17.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have a bias when it comes\Nto people we're close to.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.21,0:06:20.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We expect them to understand us.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.81,0:06:22.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We assume they do,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.10,0:06:24.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we expect them to read our minds.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.80,0:06:27.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So imagine you're at a party,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.22,0:06:29.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you can't believe\Nthat your friend or your spouse
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.97,0:06:33.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,isn't picking up on it that\Nyou want to leave early.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.82,0:06:35.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you're thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.10,0:06:37.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I gave you the look."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.93,0:06:41.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With a stranger, we have\Nto start from scratch.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.48,0:06:43.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We tell the whole story.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.12,0:06:46.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We explain who the people are,\Nhow we feel about them,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.56,0:06:48.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we spell out all the inside jokes,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.89,0:06:50.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and guess what?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.46,0:06:53.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes they do\Nunderstand us a little better.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.29,0:06:55.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.47,0:06:58.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So now that we know\Nthat talking to strangers matters,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.99,0:07:00.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how does it work?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.94,0:07:03.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are unwritten rules\Nwe tend to follow.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.72,0:07:07.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The rules are very different\Ndepending on what country you're in,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.54,0:07:09.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what culture you're in.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.25,0:07:11.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In most parts of the US,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.40,0:07:15.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the baseline expectation in public\Nis that we maintain a balance
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.23,0:07:18.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,between civility and privacy.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.37,0:07:21.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is known as civil inattention.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.43,0:07:25.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So imagine two people are walking\Ntowards each other on the street.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.29,0:07:27.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They'll glance at each other\Nfrom a distance.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.62,0:07:29.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the civility, the acknowledgment.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.78,0:07:31.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then as they get closer,\Nthey'll look away
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.90,0:07:34.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to give each other some space.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.65,0:07:36.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In other cultures,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.59,0:07:42.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people go to extraordinary lengths\Nnot to interact at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.75,0:07:44.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People from Denmark tell me
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.96,0:07:48.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that many Danes are so averse\Nto talking to strangers,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.48,0:07:51.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they would rather\Nmiss their stop on the bus
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.82,0:07:55.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than say "Excuse me" to someone\Nthat they need to get around.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.37,0:07:59.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So instead there's this elaborate\Nshuffling of bags and using your body
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.30,0:08:01.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to say that you need to get past
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.82,0:08:05.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,instead of using two words.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.40,0:08:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In Egypt, I'm told that
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.00,0:08:11.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's rude to ignore a stranger,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.25,0:08:14.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that there's a remarkable\Nculture of hospitality.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.92,0:08:18.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Strangers might ask each other\Nfor a sip of water,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.59,0:08:22.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if you ask someone for directions,\Nthey're very likely
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.12,0:08:25.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to invite you home for coffee.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.61,0:08:29.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We see these unwritten rules\Nmost clearly when they're broken,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.56,0:08:32.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or when you're in a new place\Nand you're trying to figure out
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.92,0:08:35.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what the right thing to do is.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.56,0:08:41.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes breaking the rules a little bit\Nis where the action is.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.32,0:08:48.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In case it's not clear,\NI really want you to do this. Okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.04,0:08:49.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So here's how it's going to go.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.70,0:08:51.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Find somebody who is making eye contact.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.97,0:08:53.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a good signal.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.38,0:08:56.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first thing is a simple smile.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.55,0:09:00.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're passing somebody on the street\Nor in the hallway here, smile.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.66,0:09:02.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See what happens.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.22,0:09:04.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another is triangulation.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.55,0:09:06.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's you, there's a stranger,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.26,0:09:10.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's a third thing that you both\Nmight see and comment on,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.19,0:09:13.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like a piece of public art
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.46,0:09:15.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or somebody preaching in the street
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.56,0:09:18.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or somebody wearing funny clothes.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.90,0:09:21.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Give it a try. Make a comment\Nabout that third thing
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.20,0:09:24.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and see if starts a conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.62,0:09:26.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another is what I call noticing.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.61,0:09:29.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is usually giving a compliment.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.04,0:09:32.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a big fan of noticing people's shoes.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.28,0:09:34.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm actually not wearing\Nfabulous shoes right now,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.80,0:09:37.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but shoes are fabulous in general.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.68,0:09:42.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they're pretty neutral\Nas far as giving compliments go.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.12,0:09:45.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People always want to tell you things\Nabout their awesome shoes.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.75,0:09:49.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You may have already experienced\Nthe dogs and babies principle,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.67,0:09:52.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so it may be awkward to talk\Nto someone on the street.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.36,0:09:54.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't know how\Nthey're going to respond.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.09,0:09:56.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you can always talk\Nto their dog or their baby.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.84,0:09:58.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The dog or the baby
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.20,0:10:01.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is a social conduit to the person,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.22,0:10:06.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you can tell by how they respond\Nwhether they're open to talking more.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.40,0:10:08.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The last one I want to challenge you to
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.59,0:10:10.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is disclosure.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.76,0:10:13.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a very vulnerable thing to do,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.13,0:10:15.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it can be very rewarding.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.28,0:10:17.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So next time you're talking to a stranger,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.93,0:10:19.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you feel comfortable,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.67,0:10:22.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tell them something true about yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.55,0:10:24.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,something really personal.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.33,0:10:29.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You might have that experience\NI talked about of feeling understood.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.03,0:10:33.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes in conversation, it comes up,\Npeople ask me, "What does your dad do?"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.62,0:10:35.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or "Where does he live?"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.38,0:10:37.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And sometimes I tell them the whole truth,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.73,0:10:40.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is that he died when I was a kid.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.92,0:10:43.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Always in those moments,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.51,0:10:46.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they share their own experiences of loss.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.62,0:10:51.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We tend to meet disclosure\Nwith disclosure, even with strangers.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.54,0:10:55.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So here it is.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.16,0:10:59.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you talk to strangers,\Nyou're making beautiful interruptions
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.50,0:11:02.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into the expected narrative\Nof your daily life
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.97,0:11:04.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and theirs.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.79,0:11:07.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're making unexpected connections.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.67,0:11:11.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you don't talk to strangers,\Nyou're missing out on all of that.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.77,0:11:16.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We spend a lot of time
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.07,0:11:18.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,teaching our children about strangers.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.100,0:11:23.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What would happen if we spent\Nmore time teaching ourselves?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.58,0:11:28.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We could reject all the ideas\Nthat make us so suspicious of each other.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:28.62,0:11:32.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We could make a space for change.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.14,0:11:34.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.04,0:11:37.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)