WEBVTT 00:00:01.008 --> 00:00:02.808 I am failing as a woman, 00:00:02.832 --> 00:00:05.127 I am failing as a feminist. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:05.452 --> 00:00:08.229 I have passionate opinions about gender equality, 00:00:08.229 --> 00:00:12.290 but I worry that to freely accept the label of "feminist," 00:00:12.314 --> 00:00:14.613 would not be fair to good feminists. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:15.184 --> 00:00:17.557 I'm a feminist, but I'm a rather bad one. 00:00:17.581 --> 00:00:20.445 Oh, so I call myself a Bad Feminist. 00:00:20.469 --> 00:00:22.802 Or at least, I wrote an essay, 00:00:22.826 --> 00:00:25.001 and then I wrote a book called "Bad Feminist," 00:00:25.025 --> 00:00:28.461 and then in interviews, people started calling me The Bad Feminist. 00:00:28.485 --> 00:00:29.651 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:00:29.675 --> 00:00:33.712 So, what started as a bit of an inside joke with myself 00:00:33.736 --> 00:00:35.417 and a willful provocation, 00:00:35.441 --> 00:00:37.091 has become a thing. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:37.996 --> 00:00:39.456 Let me take a step back. 00:00:40.076 --> 00:00:41.312 When I was younger, 00:00:41.336 --> 00:00:43.249 mostly in my teens and 20s, 00:00:43.273 --> 00:00:45.678 I had strange ideas about feminists 00:00:45.702 --> 00:00:49.478 as hairy, angry, man-hating, sex-hating women -- 00:00:49.502 --> 00:00:51.081 as if those are bad things. 00:00:51.105 --> 00:00:53.834 (Laughter) 00:00:54.978 --> 00:00:58.416 These days, I look at how women are treated the world over, 00:00:58.440 --> 00:01:02.726 and anger, in particular, seems like a perfectly reasonable response. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:02.750 --> 00:01:04.495 But back then, 00:01:04.519 --> 00:01:06.322 I worried about the tone people used 00:01:06.322 --> 00:01:09.322 when suggesting I might be a feminist. 00:01:09.322 --> 00:01:11.880 The feminist label was an accusation, 00:01:11.904 --> 00:01:14.293 it was an "F" word, and not a nice one. 00:01:14.762 --> 00:01:17.658 I was labeled a woman who doesn't play by the rules, 00:01:17.682 --> 00:01:19.303 who expects too much, 00:01:19.327 --> 00:01:21.320 who thinks far too highly of myself, 00:01:21.344 --> 00:01:25.458 by daring to believe I'm equal -- (Coughs) -- superior to a man. 00:01:26.040 --> 00:01:27.885 You don't want to be that rebel woman, 00:01:27.909 --> 00:01:30.394 until you realize that you very much are that woman, 00:01:30.418 --> 00:01:32.915 and cannot imagine being anyone else. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:33.344 --> 00:01:35.364 As I got older, I began to accept 00:01:35.388 --> 00:01:38.721 that I am, indeed, a feminist, and a proud one. 00:01:38.745 --> 00:01:41.539 I hold certain truths to be self-evident: 00:01:41.563 --> 00:01:44.015 Women are equal to men. 00:01:44.039 --> 00:01:46.820 We deserve equal pay for equal work. 00:01:46.844 --> 00:01:49.828 We have the right to move through the world as we choose, 00:01:49.852 --> 00:01:51.819 free from harassment or violence. 00:01:52.233 --> 00:01:55.787 We have the right to easy, affordable access to birth control, 00:01:55.811 --> 00:01:57.708 and reproductive services. 00:01:57.732 --> 00:02:00.303 We have the right to make choices about our bodies, 00:02:00.327 --> 00:02:04.480 free from legislative oversight or evangelical doctrine. 00:02:04.504 --> 00:02:05.988 We have the right to respect. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:06.679 --> 00:02:07.885 There's more. 00:02:07.909 --> 00:02:10.124 When we talk about the needs of women, 00:02:10.148 --> 00:02:13.553 we have to consider the other identities we inhabit. 00:02:13.577 --> 00:02:15.034 We are not just women. 00:02:15.518 --> 00:02:17.365 We are people with different bodies, 00:02:17.389 --> 00:02:20.404 gender expressions, faiths, sexualities, 00:02:20.428 --> 00:02:23.319 class backgrounds, abilities, and so much more. 00:02:23.708 --> 00:02:25.105 We need to take into account 00:02:25.129 --> 00:02:27.565 these differences and how they affect us, 00:02:27.589 --> 00:02:30.291 as much as we account for what we have in common. 00:02:30.680 --> 00:02:34.299 Without this kind of inclusion, our feminism is nothing. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:35.220 --> 00:02:38.871 I hold these truths to be self-evident, but let me be clear: 00:02:38.895 --> 00:02:40.032 I'm a mess. 00:02:40.056 --> 00:02:42.313 I am full of contradictions. 00:02:42.337 --> 00:02:45.257 There are many ways in which I'm doing feminism wrong. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:45.876 --> 00:02:47.392 I have another confession. 00:02:47.416 --> 00:02:51.752 When I drive to work, I listen to thuggish rap at a very loud volume. 00:02:51.776 --> 00:02:53.283 (Laughter) 00:02:53.307 --> 00:02:55.636 Even though the lyrics are degrading to women -- 00:02:55.660 --> 00:02:58.455 these lyrics offend me to my core -- 00:02:58.479 --> 00:03:01.479 the classic Yin Yang Twins song "Salt Shaker" -- 00:03:01.503 --> 00:03:02.955 it is amazing. 00:03:02.979 --> 00:03:05.445 (Laughter) 00:03:05.469 --> 00:03:08.397 "Make it work with your wet t-shirt. 00:03:08.421 --> 00:03:12.181 Bitch, you gotta shake it 'til your camel starts to hurt!" 00:03:12.205 --> 00:03:13.363 (Laughter) 00:03:13.387 --> 00:03:14.412 Think about it. 00:03:14.436 --> 00:03:17.324 (Laughter) 00:03:17.348 --> 00:03:18.666 Poetry, right? 00:03:18.690 --> 00:03:22.350 I am utterly mortified by my music choices. 00:03:22.374 --> 00:03:24.286 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:03:24.310 --> 00:03:26.594 I firmly believe in man work, 00:03:26.618 --> 00:03:29.027 which is anything I don't want to do, including -- 00:03:29.051 --> 00:03:30.932 (Laughter) -- 00:03:30.956 --> 00:03:33.110 all domestic tasks, 00:03:33.134 --> 00:03:37.443 but also: bug killing, trash removal, lawn care and vehicle maintenance. 00:03:38.014 --> 00:03:39.881 I want no part of any of that. 00:03:39.905 --> 00:03:40.978 (Laughter) 00:03:41.002 --> 00:03:42.899 Pink is my favorite color. 00:03:42.923 --> 00:03:45.951 I enjoy fashion magazines and pretty things. 00:03:45.975 --> 00:03:48.278 I watch "The Bachelor" and romantic comedies, 00:03:48.302 --> 00:03:51.409 and I have absurd fantasies about fairy tales coming true. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:52.121 --> 00:03:54.445 Some of my transgressions are more flagrant. 00:03:54.914 --> 00:03:57.280 If a woman wants to take her husband's name, 00:03:57.304 --> 00:03:59.992 that is her choice, and it is not my place to judge. 00:04:00.622 --> 00:04:03.598 If a woman chooses to stay home to raise her children, 00:04:03.622 --> 00:04:05.713 I embrace that choice, too. 00:04:05.737 --> 00:04:09.808 The problem is not that she makes herself economically vulnerable in that choice; 00:04:09.832 --> 00:04:12.002 the problem is that our society is set up 00:04:12.002 --> 00:04:14.982 to make women economically vulnerable when they choose. 00:04:14.982 --> 00:04:16.632 Let's deal with that. 00:04:17.601 --> 00:04:20.979 (Applause) NOTE Paragraph 00:04:23.413 --> 00:04:25.484 I reject the mainstream feminism 00:04:25.508 --> 00:04:28.135 that has historically ignored or deflected the needs 00:04:28.159 --> 00:04:32.547 of women of color, working-class women, queer women and transgender women, 00:04:32.571 --> 00:04:35.944 in favor of supporting white, middle- and upper-class straight women. 00:04:35.968 --> 00:04:39.624 Listen, if that's good feminism -- I am a very bad feminist. 00:04:39.648 --> 00:04:40.738 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:04:40.762 --> 00:04:42.214 There is also this: 00:04:42.238 --> 00:04:44.960 As a feminist, I feel a lot of pressure. 00:04:44.984 --> 00:04:48.653 We have this tendency to put visible feminists on a pedestal. 00:04:48.677 --> 00:04:50.740 We expect them to pose perfectly. 00:04:51.287 --> 00:04:52.447 When they disappoint us, 00:04:52.471 --> 00:04:55.933 we gleefully knock them from the very pedestal we put them on. 00:04:55.957 --> 00:04:57.992 Like I said, I am a mess -- 00:04:58.016 --> 00:04:59.846 consider me knocked off that pedestal 00:04:59.846 --> 00:05:01.867 before you ever try to put me up there. 00:05:01.867 --> 00:05:02.935 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:05:03.374 --> 00:05:04.434 Too many women, 00:05:04.458 --> 00:05:07.483 particularly groundbreaking women and industry leaders, 00:05:07.507 --> 00:05:09.845 are afraid to be labeled as feminists. 00:05:09.869 --> 00:05:13.575 They're afraid to stand up and say, "Yes, I am a feminist," 00:05:13.599 --> 00:05:15.844 for fear of what that label means, 00:05:15.868 --> 00:05:19.736 for fear of being unable to live up to unrealistic expectations. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:20.569 --> 00:05:24.341 Take, for example, Beyoncé, or as I call her, The Goddess. 00:05:24.365 --> 00:05:26.301 (Laughter) 00:05:26.325 --> 00:05:29.757 She has emerged, in recent years, as a visible feminist. 00:05:29.781 --> 00:05:32.598 At the 2014 MTV Video Music Awards, 00:05:32.622 --> 00:05:36.388 she performed in front of the word "feminist" 10 feet high. 00:05:36.412 --> 00:05:38.643 It was a glorious spectacle to see 00:05:38.643 --> 00:05:41.643 this pop star openly embracing feminism 00:05:41.643 --> 00:05:43.372 and letting young women and men know 00:05:43.396 --> 00:05:46.499 that being a feminist is something to celebrate. 00:05:46.985 --> 00:05:50.644 As the moment faded, cultural critics began endlessly debating 00:05:50.668 --> 00:05:53.328 whether or not Beyoncé was, indeed, a feminist. 00:05:53.693 --> 00:05:55.574 They graded her feminism, 00:05:55.598 --> 00:05:59.866 instead of simply taking a grown, accomplished woman at her word. 00:05:59.890 --> 00:06:02.528 (Laughter) 00:06:02.552 --> 00:06:05.226 (Applause) NOTE Paragraph 00:06:05.250 --> 00:06:07.767 We demand perfection from feminists, 00:06:07.791 --> 00:06:10.148 because we are still fighting for so much, 00:06:10.172 --> 00:06:11.469 we want so much, 00:06:11.493 --> 00:06:13.026 we need so damn much. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:13.395 --> 00:06:16.575 We go far beyond reasonable, constructive criticism, 00:06:16.599 --> 00:06:19.348 to dissecting any given woman's feminism, 00:06:19.372 --> 00:06:21.753 tearing it apart until there's nothing left. 00:06:22.253 --> 00:06:23.642 We do not need to do that. 00:06:24.452 --> 00:06:28.559 Bad feminism -- or really, more inclusive feminism -- is a starting point. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:28.583 --> 00:06:30.036 But what happens next? 00:06:30.592 --> 00:06:34.074 We go from acknowledging our imperfections to accountability, 00:06:34.098 --> 00:06:37.200 or walking the walk, and being a little bit brave. 00:06:37.888 --> 00:06:40.192 If I listen to degrading music, 00:06:40.216 --> 00:06:43.742 I am creating a demand for which artists are more than happy 00:06:43.742 --> 00:06:45.676 to contribute a limitless supply. 00:06:46.120 --> 00:06:48.000 These artists are not going to change 00:06:48.000 --> 00:06:49.955 how they talk about women in their songs 00:06:49.955 --> 00:06:53.616 until we demand that change by affecting their bottom line. 00:06:53.998 --> 00:06:56.125 Certainly, it is difficult. 00:06:56.149 --> 00:06:58.124 Why must it be so catchy? 00:06:58.561 --> 00:07:01.317 (Laughter) 00:07:02.291 --> 00:07:04.320 It's hard to make the better choice, 00:07:04.344 --> 00:07:07.140 and it is so easy to justify a lesser one. 00:07:07.164 --> 00:07:08.202 But -- 00:07:08.226 --> 00:07:09.981 when I justify bad choices, 00:07:10.005 --> 00:07:12.924 I make it harder for women to achieve equality, 00:07:12.948 --> 00:07:14.812 the equality that we all deserve, 00:07:14.836 --> 00:07:16.153 and I need to own that. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:16.533 --> 00:07:19.802 I think of my nieces, ages three and four. 00:07:19.826 --> 00:07:22.265 They are gorgeous and headstrong, brilliant girls, 00:07:22.289 --> 00:07:23.863 who are a whole lot of brave. 00:07:24.284 --> 00:07:27.201 I want them to thrive in a world where they are valued 00:07:27.225 --> 00:07:29.553 for the powerful creatures they are. 00:07:29.577 --> 00:07:30.632 I think of them, 00:07:30.656 --> 00:07:34.315 and suddenly, the better choice becomes far easier to make. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:34.775 --> 00:07:36.865 We can all make better choices. 00:07:37.333 --> 00:07:39.830 We can change the channel when a television show 00:07:39.830 --> 00:07:42.524 treats sexual violence against women like sport, 00:07:42.548 --> 00:07:43.976 Game of Thrones. 00:07:44.000 --> 00:07:45.810 We can change the radio station 00:07:45.834 --> 00:07:49.039 when we hear songs that treat women as nothing. 00:07:49.063 --> 00:07:51.746 We can spend our box office dollars elsewhere 00:07:51.770 --> 00:07:53.320 when movies don't treat women 00:07:53.320 --> 00:07:55.743 as anything more than decorative objects. 00:07:55.743 --> 00:07:57.984 We can stop supporting professional sports 00:07:58.008 --> 00:08:01.258 where the athletes treat their partners like punching bags. 00:08:02.171 --> 00:08:05.649 (Applause) NOTE Paragraph 00:08:07.595 --> 00:08:10.542 In other ways, men -- and especially straight white men -- 00:08:10.566 --> 00:08:13.653 can say, "No, I will not publish with your magazine, 00:08:13.677 --> 00:08:16.963 or participate in your project, or otherwise work with you, 00:08:16.987 --> 00:08:19.384 until you include a fair number of women, 00:08:19.408 --> 00:08:21.955 both as participants and decision makers. 00:08:22.670 --> 00:08:24.797 I won't work with you until your publication, 00:08:24.821 --> 00:08:28.582 or your organization, is more inclusive of all kinds of difference." NOTE Paragraph 00:08:29.225 --> 00:08:31.518 Those of us who are underrepresented 00:08:31.542 --> 00:08:33.711 and invited to participate in such projects, 00:08:33.735 --> 00:08:36.104 can also decline to be included 00:08:36.128 --> 00:08:39.131 until more of us are invited through the glass ceiling, 00:08:39.155 --> 00:08:41.107 and we are tokens no more. NOTE Paragraph 00:08:41.553 --> 00:08:43.227 Without these efforts, 00:08:43.251 --> 00:08:45.053 without taking these stands, 00:08:45.077 --> 00:08:47.659 our accomplishments are going to mean very little. 00:08:48.365 --> 00:08:50.978 We can commit these small acts of bravery 00:08:51.002 --> 00:08:54.905 and hope that our choices trickle upward to the people in power -- 00:08:54.929 --> 00:08:57.540 editors, movie and music producers, 00:08:57.564 --> 00:08:59.937 CEOs, lawmakers -- 00:08:59.961 --> 00:09:02.174 the people who can make bigger, braver choices 00:09:02.198 --> 00:09:04.979 to create lasting, meaningful change. NOTE Paragraph 00:09:05.678 --> 00:09:08.201 We can also boldly claim our feminism -- 00:09:08.225 --> 00:09:10.590 good, bad, or anywhere in between. 00:09:11.329 --> 00:09:13.781 The last line of my book "Bad Feminist" says, 00:09:13.805 --> 00:09:17.724 "I would rather be a bad feminist than no feminist at all." 00:09:18.240 --> 00:09:20.280 This is true for so many reasons, 00:09:20.304 --> 00:09:23.864 but first and foremost, I say this because once upon a time, 00:09:23.888 --> 00:09:25.717 my voice was stolen from me, 00:09:25.741 --> 00:09:28.666 and feminism helped me to get my voice back. NOTE Paragraph 00:09:29.455 --> 00:09:30.605 There was an incident. 00:09:30.915 --> 00:09:34.335 I call it an incident so I can carry the burden of what happened. 00:09:34.724 --> 00:09:36.136 Some boys broke me, 00:09:36.136 --> 00:09:37.950 when I was so young, I did not know 00:09:37.950 --> 00:09:40.400 what boys can do to break a girl. 00:09:40.400 --> 00:09:42.542 They treated me like I was nothing. 00:09:42.566 --> 00:09:45.040 I began to believe I was nothing. 00:09:45.064 --> 00:09:47.103 They stole my voice, and in the after, 00:09:47.127 --> 00:09:48.484 I did not dare to believe 00:09:48.508 --> 00:09:50.924 that anything I might say could matter. NOTE Paragraph 00:09:50.948 --> 00:09:51.957 But -- 00:09:51.981 --> 00:09:53.353 I had writing. 00:09:53.377 --> 00:09:55.813 And there, I wrote myself back together. 00:09:56.242 --> 00:09:59.256 I wrote myself toward a stronger version of myself. 00:09:59.653 --> 00:10:01.004 I read the words of women 00:10:01.028 --> 00:10:03.360 who might understand a story like mine, 00:10:03.384 --> 00:10:05.155 and women who looked like me, 00:10:05.179 --> 00:10:09.279 and understood what it was like to move through the world with brown skin. 00:10:09.303 --> 00:10:13.578 I read the words of women who showed me I was not nothing. 00:10:13.602 --> 00:10:15.284 I learned to write like them, 00:10:15.308 --> 00:10:17.490 and then I learned to write as myself. 00:10:17.856 --> 00:10:19.000 I found my voice again, 00:10:19.024 --> 00:10:23.080 and I started to believe that my voice is powerful beyond measure. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:24.048 --> 00:10:25.586 Through writing and feminism, 00:10:25.610 --> 00:10:28.364 I also found that if I was a little bit brave, 00:10:28.388 --> 00:10:31.989 another woman might hear me and see me and recognize 00:10:32.013 --> 00:10:35.604 that none of us are the nothing the world tries to tell us we are. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:36.160 --> 00:10:37.668 In one hand, 00:10:37.692 --> 00:10:40.716 I hold the power to accomplish anything. 00:10:40.740 --> 00:10:41.741 And in my other, 00:10:41.765 --> 00:10:45.449 I hold the humbling reality that I am just one woman. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:45.918 --> 00:10:47.597 I am a bad feminist, 00:10:47.621 --> 00:10:49.263 I am a good woman, 00:10:49.287 --> 00:10:51.662 I am trying to become better in how I think, 00:10:51.686 --> 00:10:53.946 and what I say, and what I do, 00:10:53.970 --> 00:10:56.755 without abandoning everything that makes me human. 00:10:57.152 --> 00:10:59.676 I hope that we can all do the same. 00:10:59.700 --> 00:11:01.943 I hope that we can all be a little bit brave, 00:11:01.967 --> 00:11:04.054 when we most need such bravery. 00:11:04.856 --> 00:11:07.537 (Applause)