WEBVTT 00:00:00.302 --> 00:00:02.913 I wanted to just start by asking everyone a question: 00:00:03.137 --> 00:00:05.183 How many of you are completely comfortable 00:00:05.207 --> 00:00:06.961 with calling yourselves a leader? 00:00:08.294 --> 00:00:10.558 I've asked that question all across the country, 00:00:10.582 --> 00:00:12.559 and everywhere I ask it, no matter where, 00:00:12.583 --> 00:00:16.116 there's a huge portion of the audience that won't put up their hand. 00:00:16.140 --> 00:00:18.636 And I've come to realize that we have made leadership 00:00:18.660 --> 00:00:21.070 into something bigger than us; something beyond us. 00:00:21.094 --> 00:00:22.967 We've made it about changing the world. 00:00:22.991 --> 00:00:24.626 We've taken this title of "leader" 00:00:24.650 --> 00:00:27.578 and treat it as something that one day we're going to deserve. 00:00:27.602 --> 00:00:29.389 But to give it to ourselves right now 00:00:29.413 --> 00:00:32.848 means a level of arrogance or cockiness that we're not comfortable with. 00:00:32.872 --> 00:00:35.395 And I worry sometimes that we spend so much time 00:00:35.419 --> 00:00:38.252 celebrating amazing things that hardly anybody can do, 00:00:38.276 --> 00:00:41.826 that we've convinced ourselves those are the only things worth celebrating. 00:00:41.850 --> 00:00:44.257 We start to devalue the things we can do every day, 00:00:44.281 --> 00:00:46.437 We take moments where we truly are a leader 00:00:46.461 --> 00:00:49.968 and we don't let ourselves take credit for it, or feel good about it. 00:00:49.992 --> 00:00:52.093 I've been lucky enough over the last 10 years 00:00:52.117 --> 00:00:55.148 to work with amazing people who've helped me redefine leadership 00:00:55.172 --> 00:00:57.196 in a way that I think has made me happier. 00:00:57.220 --> 00:00:58.434 With my short time today, 00:00:58.458 --> 00:01:02.129 I want to share with you the one story that is probably most responsible 00:01:02.153 --> 00:01:03.316 for that redefinition. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:03.340 --> 00:01:05.309 I went to a little school 00:01:05.333 --> 00:01:08.147 called Mount Allison University in Sackville, New Brunswick. 00:01:08.171 --> 00:01:10.830 And on my last day there, a girl came up to me and said, 00:01:10.854 --> 00:01:12.996 "I remember the first time I met you." 00:01:13.020 --> 00:01:16.146 And she told me a story that had happened four years earlier. 00:01:16.170 --> 00:01:18.505 She said, "On the day before I started university, 00:01:18.529 --> 00:01:20.593 I was in the hotel room with my mom and dad, 00:01:20.617 --> 00:01:23.487 and I was so scared and so convinced that I couldn't do this, 00:01:23.511 --> 00:01:26.571 that I wasn't ready for university, that I just burst into tears. 00:01:26.595 --> 00:01:27.936 My mom and dad were amazing. 00:01:27.960 --> 00:01:31.122 They were like, "We know you're scared, but let's just go tomorrow, 00:01:31.146 --> 00:01:34.631 go to the first day, and if at any point you feel as if you can't do this, 00:01:34.655 --> 00:01:36.814 that's fine; tell us, and we'll take you home. 00:01:36.838 --> 00:01:38.235 We love you no matter what.'" NOTE Paragraph 00:01:38.259 --> 00:01:39.886 She says, "So I went the next day. 00:01:39.910 --> 00:01:41.394 I was in line for registration, 00:01:41.418 --> 00:01:44.722 and I looked around and just knew I couldn't do it; I wasn't ready. 00:01:44.746 --> 00:01:45.897 I knew I had to quit. 00:01:45.921 --> 00:01:48.072 I made that decision and as soon as I made it, 00:01:48.096 --> 00:01:50.168 an incredible feeling of peace came over me. 00:01:50.192 --> 00:01:53.270 I turned to my mom and dad to tell them we needed to go home, 00:01:53.294 --> 00:01:56.207 and at that moment, you came out of the student union building 00:01:56.231 --> 00:01:58.722 wearing the stupidest hat I've ever seen in my life." NOTE Paragraph 00:01:58.746 --> 00:01:59.747 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:01:59.771 --> 00:02:01.022 "It was awesome. 00:02:01.046 --> 00:02:03.251 And you had a big sign promoting Shinerama," -- 00:02:03.275 --> 00:02:05.304 which is Students Fighting Cystic Fibrosis, 00:02:05.328 --> 00:02:07.193 a charity I've worked with for years -- 00:02:07.217 --> 00:02:09.037 "And you had a bucketful of lollipops. 00:02:09.061 --> 00:02:11.564 You were handing the lollipops out to people in line, 00:02:11.588 --> 00:02:12.931 and talking about Shinerama. 00:02:12.955 --> 00:02:16.097 All of the sudden, you got to me, and you just stopped. 00:02:16.121 --> 00:02:18.262 And you stared. It was creepy." NOTE Paragraph 00:02:18.286 --> 00:02:19.737 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:02:19.761 --> 00:02:21.692 This girl knows what I'm talking about. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:21.716 --> 00:02:22.718 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:02:22.742 --> 00:02:26.374 "Then you looked at the guy next to me, smiled, reached into your bucket, 00:02:26.398 --> 00:02:28.854 pulled out a lollipop, held it out to him and said, 00:02:28.878 --> 00:02:32.020 'You need to give a lollipop to the beautiful woman next to you.'" 00:02:32.044 --> 00:02:35.984 She said, "I've never seen anyone get more embarrassed faster in my life. 00:02:36.008 --> 00:02:38.258 He turned beet red, he wouldn't even look at me. 00:02:38.282 --> 00:02:40.627 He just kind of held the lollipop out like this." NOTE Paragraph 00:02:40.651 --> 00:02:41.952 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:02:41.976 --> 00:02:44.549 "I felt so bad for this dude that I took the lollipop. 00:02:44.573 --> 00:02:47.764 As soon as I did, you got this incredibly severe look on your face, 00:02:47.788 --> 00:02:51.072 looked at my mom and dad and said, 'Look at that! Look at that! 00:02:51.096 --> 00:02:52.494 First day away from home, 00:02:52.518 --> 00:02:55.025 and already she's taking candy from a stranger?'" NOTE Paragraph 00:02:55.049 --> 00:02:57.192 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:02:57.216 --> 00:02:58.617 She said, "Everybody lost it. 00:02:58.641 --> 00:03:01.324 Twenty feet in every direction, everyone started to howl. 00:03:01.348 --> 00:03:04.463 I know this is cheesy, and I don't know why I'm telling you this, 00:03:04.487 --> 00:03:07.909 but in that moment when everyone was laughing, I knew I shouldn't quit. 00:03:07.933 --> 00:03:10.765 I knew I was where I was supposed to be; I knew I was home. 00:03:10.789 --> 00:03:14.122 And I haven't spoken to you once in the four years since that day. 00:03:14.146 --> 00:03:17.228 But I heard that you were leaving, and I had to come and tell you 00:03:17.252 --> 00:03:19.829 you've been an incredibly important person in my life. 00:03:19.853 --> 00:03:21.652 I'm going to miss you. Good luck." NOTE Paragraph 00:03:21.676 --> 00:03:23.726 And she walks away, and I'm flattened. 00:03:23.750 --> 00:03:26.331 She gets six feet away, turns around, smiles and goes, 00:03:26.355 --> 00:03:28.098 "You should probably know this, too: 00:03:28.122 --> 00:03:30.305 I'm still dating that guy, four years later." NOTE Paragraph 00:03:30.329 --> 00:03:31.474 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:03:31.498 --> 00:03:33.980 A year and a half after I moved to Toronto, 00:03:34.004 --> 00:03:35.881 I got an invitation to their wedding. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:35.905 --> 00:03:36.912 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:03:36.936 --> 00:03:39.468 Here's the kicker: I don't remember that. 00:03:39.960 --> 00:03:41.845 I have no recollection of that moment. 00:03:41.869 --> 00:03:43.315 I've searched my memory banks, 00:03:43.339 --> 00:03:46.510 because that is funny and I should remember doing it and I don't. 00:03:46.534 --> 00:03:49.317 That was such an eye-opening, transformative moment for me, 00:03:49.341 --> 00:03:52.634 to think that maybe the biggest impact I'd ever had on anyone's life, 00:03:52.658 --> 00:03:56.147 a moment that had a woman walk up to a stranger four years later and say, 00:03:56.171 --> 00:03:58.327 "You've been an important person in my life," 00:03:58.351 --> 00:04:00.377 was a moment that I didn't even remember. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:00.401 --> 00:04:02.460 How many of you guys have a lollipop moment, 00:04:02.484 --> 00:04:04.554 a moment where someone said or did something 00:04:04.578 --> 00:04:07.066 that you feel fundamentally made your life better? 00:04:07.090 --> 00:04:10.027 All right. How many of you have told that person they did it? 00:04:10.493 --> 00:04:11.644 See, why not? 00:04:11.668 --> 00:04:12.819 We celebrate birthdays, 00:04:12.843 --> 00:04:15.514 where all you have to do is not die for 365 days -- NOTE Paragraph 00:04:15.538 --> 00:04:16.695 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:04:16.719 --> 00:04:19.008 Yet we let people who have made our lives better 00:04:19.032 --> 00:04:20.516 walk around without knowing it. 00:04:20.540 --> 00:04:23.055 Every single one of you has been the catalyst 00:04:23.079 --> 00:04:24.230 for a lollipop moment. 00:04:24.254 --> 00:04:27.271 You've made someone's life better by something you said or did. 00:04:27.295 --> 00:04:28.490 If you think you haven't, 00:04:28.514 --> 00:04:31.046 think of all the hands that didn't go up when I asked. 00:04:31.070 --> 00:04:33.459 You're just one of the people who hasn't been told. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:33.483 --> 00:04:35.819 It's scary to think of ourselves as that powerful, 00:04:35.843 --> 00:04:38.731 frightening to think we can matter that much to other people. 00:04:38.755 --> 00:04:41.422 As long as we make leadership something bigger than us, 00:04:41.446 --> 00:04:43.362 as long as we keep leadership beyond us 00:04:43.386 --> 00:04:45.158 and make it about changing the world, 00:04:45.182 --> 00:04:47.769 we give ourselves an excuse not to expect it every day, 00:04:47.793 --> 00:04:49.702 from ourselves and from each other. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:49.726 --> 00:04:53.309 Marianne Williamson said, "Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. 00:04:53.333 --> 00:04:55.400 [It] is that we are powerful beyond measure. 00:04:55.424 --> 00:04:58.077 It is our light and not our darkness that frightens us." 00:04:58.101 --> 00:05:01.293 My call to action today is that we need to get over our fear 00:05:01.317 --> 00:05:04.319 of how extraordinarily powerful we can be in each other's lives. 00:05:04.343 --> 00:05:06.597 We need to get over it so we can move beyond it, 00:05:06.621 --> 00:05:09.391 and our little brothers and sisters and one day our kids -- 00:05:09.415 --> 00:05:11.898 or our kids right now -- can watch and start to value 00:05:11.922 --> 00:05:14.072 the impact we can have on each other's lives, 00:05:14.096 --> 00:05:16.682 more than money and power and titles and influence. 00:05:16.706 --> 00:05:19.848 We need to redefine leadership as being about lollipop moments -- 00:05:19.872 --> 00:05:22.402 how many of them we create, how many we acknowledge, 00:05:22.426 --> 00:05:25.613 how many of them we pay forward and how many we say thank you for. 00:05:25.637 --> 00:05:28.257 Because we've made leadership about changing the world, 00:05:28.281 --> 00:05:29.441 and there is no world. 00:05:29.465 --> 00:05:31.624 There's only six billion understandings of it. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:31.648 --> 00:05:34.063 And if you change one person's understanding of it, 00:05:34.087 --> 00:05:36.116 understanding of what they're capable of, 00:05:36.140 --> 00:05:38.449 understanding of how much people care about them, 00:05:38.473 --> 00:05:41.075 understanding of how powerful an agent for change 00:05:41.099 --> 00:05:42.473 they can be in this world, 00:05:42.497 --> 00:05:43.992 you've changed the whole thing. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:44.016 --> 00:05:46.539 And if we can understand leadership like that, 00:05:46.563 --> 00:05:49.074 I think if we can redefine leadership like that, 00:05:49.098 --> 00:05:50.947 I think we can change everything. 00:05:50.971 --> 00:05:53.741 And it's a simple idea, but I don't think it's a small one. 00:05:53.765 --> 00:05:56.937 I want to thank you so much for letting me share it with you today.