1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,153
<i>(phone rings)</i>

2
00:00:01,153 --> 00:00:02,787
<i>(man) Hey, man, what's up?</i>
<i>I'm in a theater.</i>

3
00:00:02,787 --> 00:00:05,056
- <i>Yeah, I can talk.</i>
- <i>(Ian) Shut up!</i>

4
00:00:05,056 --> 00:00:08,262
<i>(zombies moaning,</i>
<i>person screaming, gunshots)</i>

5
00:00:08,262 --> 00:00:10,976
Why do people even like zombie movies?

6
00:00:10,976 --> 00:00:14,477
- Uh... they're fun to watch?
- This is fun?

7
00:00:14,477 --> 00:00:17,745
Watching a bunch of corpses
get their heads blown off?

8
00:00:17,745 --> 00:00:20,998
Yeah. Imagine how stupid
scary movies would be

9
00:00:20,998 --> 00:00:22,886
if they were actually realistic.

10
00:00:22,886 --> 00:00:26,913
IF SCARY MOVIES
WERE REAL

11
00:00:26,913 --> 00:00:30,833
SAW

12
00:00:30,833 --> 00:00:33,954
(crying) Help!

13
00:00:33,954 --> 00:00:36,665
Why is that dead guy breathing?

14
00:00:36,665 --> 00:00:38,289
Damn it!

15
00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:41,943
signs

16
00:00:41,943 --> 00:00:45,563
Die, alien! (grunts)

17
00:00:46,014 --> 00:00:48,035
(alien laughs)

18
00:00:48,035 --> 00:00:50,350
You really thought our weakness was water?

19
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:54,603
You humans are stupider
than I thought. (laughing)

20
00:00:54,603 --> 00:00:58,230
PSYCHO

21
00:00:58,230 --> 00:01:02,211
♪ (suspenseful horror music) ♪

22
00:01:02,211 --> 00:01:03,489
(gasps)

23
00:01:03,489 --> 00:01:06,374
Damn!

24
00:01:06,374 --> 00:01:10,262
ANACONDA

25
00:01:10,262 --> 00:01:14,007
(exaggerated groaning)

26
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:19,058
No! (yelling)

27
00:01:19,058 --> 00:01:21,662
(grunting)

28
00:01:21,662 --> 00:01:25,441
CHUCKY
"CHILD'S PLAY"

29
00:01:25,441 --> 00:01:28,069
(Ian gasping frantically) Oh, no!

30
00:01:28,069 --> 00:01:31,558
Anthony! My doll is trying to kill me!

31
00:01:33,772 --> 00:01:35,694
<i>You're my favorite deputy.</i>

32
00:01:35,694 --> 00:01:36,640
Are you kidding?

33
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,541
- <i>Die, bitch!</i>
- (screams)

34
00:01:38,541 --> 00:01:42,116
PITCH
BLACK

35
00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:47,719
the
ring

36
00:01:47,719 --> 00:01:50,895
(static buzzing)

37
00:01:50,895 --> 00:01:55,627
♪ (Justin Bieber, "Baby" ringtone) ♪

38
00:01:56,167 --> 00:01:57,979
Hello?

39
00:01:57,979 --> 00:02:00,036
<i>(voice on phone) Seven days.</i>

40
00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:01,586
<i>(dial tone)</i>

41
00:02:01,586 --> 00:02:03,354
Oh, hell no.

42
00:02:05,423 --> 00:02:06,950
- <i>(line rings)</i>
- <i>Hello?</i>

43
00:02:06,950 --> 00:02:08,559
Yeah, you just called me.

44
00:02:08,559 --> 00:02:11,131
- <i>No, I didn't.</i>
- Yeah, you did.

45
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:15,213
<i>Uh... Livelinks sex line.</i>
<i>How may I assist you?</i>

46
00:02:15,213 --> 00:02:18,062
Okay, I know this isn't
a sex line. You're lying.

47
00:02:18,062 --> 00:02:19,370
<i>Yes, it is.</i>

48
00:02:21,744 --> 00:02:23,255
How much do you charge?

49
00:02:23,255 --> 00:02:27,179
SEX AND THE CITY

50
00:02:27,179 --> 00:02:28,544
♪ (dramatic sting) ♪

51
00:02:28,544 --> 00:02:32,318
SCREAM
(OR ANY SLASHER MOVIE)

52
00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:35,566
- (woman screams)
- (villain laughs)

53
00:02:35,566 --> 00:02:38,763
(doors rattling)

54
00:02:38,763 --> 00:02:42,690
(chuckling sinisterly)

55
00:02:43,370 --> 00:02:44,274
Ah!

56
00:02:45,892 --> 00:02:48,108
<i>That was easy.</i>

57
00:02:48,108 --> 00:02:51,103
- Yeah, I guess that would be pretty dumb.
- Told you.

58
00:02:51,103 --> 00:02:52,748
Well, I gotta go.

59
00:02:52,748 --> 00:02:55,065
Old Sparky needs a little trim.

60
00:02:55,944 --> 00:02:58,848
(moaning)

61
00:02:58,848 --> 00:03:00,925
Oh! Holy dingleberries!

62
00:03:00,925 --> 00:03:02,398
(moaning continues)

63
00:03:03,408 --> 00:03:05,746
- Die, zombies!
- Wait!

64
00:03:06,231 --> 00:03:07,681
(grunts)

65
00:03:11,910 --> 00:03:13,830
They're not zombies.

66
00:03:13,830 --> 00:03:17,832
They're just really, really high.

67
00:03:17,832 --> 00:03:19,767
(stoners munching)

68
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:22,723
- So, then I just--
- Yeah, you're going to prison.

69
00:03:23,624 --> 00:03:29,518
To see bloopers & deleted scenes from
THE EXORCIST + The Birds

70
00:03:29,518 --> 00:03:35,032
CLICK THE LINK BELOW!

71
00:03:35,032 --> 00:03:38,596
<i>(spooky voice) Thanks for</i>
<i>subscribing! (chuckles creepily)</i>

72
00:03:38,596 --> 00:03:41,087
<i>I'm looking at you through your window.</i>