WEBVTT

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The day that changed my destiny

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was an ordinary day, like all others.

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One of those cold winter nights
when all you want to do,

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is to make a cup of tea,
pick up a good novel, sit on the couch,

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next to the fireplace and enjoy life.

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But I had to go to work.

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More importantly, in the afternoon,

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I had to take my 2-year-old
to her routine checkup.

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The next day was her second birthday,

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But that day was not a normal day,

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and that checkup was not a routine one.

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At 5 am the next morning,

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I was standing in behind the doors
of the hospital operating room.

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From the small window,

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I was watching the heated debate
amongst the physicians

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over what they should do.

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My little girl, was laying on the bed,
under anesthesia.

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No one had told me anything since 6 pm,
the day before about what had happened.

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With all my questions, all my anxiety,

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I could clearly see from their faces
that something is very wrong.

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No one would tell me anything more
than what they thought I needed to know.

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It was my right to know,
but they did not give me that.

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I felt anger on top of all
that was going on.

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I had no choice but to stand there.

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I had done all the yelling and screaming.

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I had told them I didn't believe them.

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I had told them I won't let anyone
touch my little girl,

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I won't let anyone operate
on my two year old child,

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that I'd fly this very night
to another place that had better resources

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so they could tell me without surgery
what was wrong.

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But they told me
that every minute counts now.

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So I had to stand there,
quietly, patiently.

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That was nearly impossible.

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You all know that look on the face
of someone about to deliver bad news.

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Seeing that face, you won't wait for news,

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your whole world begins to spin.

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For me, that bad news was like a tsunami.

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All my life, future plans,
happiness, comfort,

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feeling of serendipity, everything
was washed away by this tsunami.

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It took me a long time to realize
that bad news is not bad in essence.

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It takes time to discover
whether the news is good or bad.

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But on that day,

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that news was a very bad one for me.

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It paralyzed me from making a decision.

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A relentless anger burned inside me
as strong as a dragon.

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Why? Why my little angel? Why me?

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What have I done to deserve this?

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For my little girl to have cancer? Cancer?

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My 2 year old, on the eve of her birthday.

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In life, we all face unbelievable moments,

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unbelievable events when we know
we have no choice but to surrender.

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We immediately started treatment

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because in the doctors' opinion,

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one displaced cancerous cell
could change everything

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and treatment needed to start right away.

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After a week of going back and forth
to the hospital where she was,

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because of the long distance
and Tehran's bad traffic,

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and the friendship of the medical team,
who were family friends,

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my daughter was transferred
to the Shohada Hospital in Tajrish Sq.,

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closer to my home.

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I assumed all this will make things
a bit easier but the first day

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I entered the new hospital I realized how
small I was in the grand scheme of things.

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I didn't feel any less angry
but in that moment,

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I realized that for 30 years,

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I had walked by the tall and cold walls

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of that place an never once thought
about what went on inside.

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All desperate people sitting in there,
all the people waiting for something.

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I'd passed by these walls
on my way to university or elsewhere,

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not thinking of the mass of people
spending impossible moments

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on the other side.

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How come I had never stepped
foot into this place?

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What could I do now? Nothing!
I was there for my own child.

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I was desperate with my own problem.

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I couldn't do anything.

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So, we continued the treatment.

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The cold winter days passed.
Norouz celebration arrived.

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Norouz which bore so much meaning
for everyone else,

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was meaningless to me.

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In fact, I felt upset that everyone thinks
all is well and joyous,

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celebrating the arrival of spring,
with all colorful customs of the New Year.

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Time had stopped for me.

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Nothing else, not my family,

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not my other child existed for me.

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The holidays passed.

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The day after I had to go back
to the hospital,

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to review the plans
for second rounds of chemo,

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and there...

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I saw Maryam, one of the mothers
who I'd always noticed.

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She is a middle aged woman,

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with a face showing signs of starvation,

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with shabby clothes, but... dignified.

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She had a 13 year old boy
that was always barefoot on her shoulder.

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We had come and gone before Norouz.

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This time too I saw her going in,
carrying a bundle of herbs,

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a bouquet of flowers and her son. 


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I quickly nodded and passed by her.
That's it.

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I wasn't even polite enough

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to wish her happy New year.

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I passed her as I did not want to spend
even one extra minute in that place.

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As I walked a few steps past,
she called to me.

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I thought, oh gosh,

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I bet she wants to wish me
happy New year...

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Happy New year to yourself.

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I don't think it's happy at all.

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Or, she's trying to get ahead of me.
So I ignored her and kept wlaking.

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She called again.

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I thought, ok, now I'll turn around
and tell her,

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"You know what dear, I'm very busy today.

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I have to go, sorry,
I can't stop and chat."

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So... I turned around.

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I turned and saw face
glowing like the moon,

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two eyes full of sunshine.

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(Applause)

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A bouquet of wildflowers, lilies, tulips,

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narcissus, all shades of purple and red,
and green in front of me.

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Then she said: "I picked these
from Turkmen Sahra,

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I prayed that I'd see you,

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I wanted to tell you, God is great.

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Why are you so restless?

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Be calm, this too will pass
it will all pass.

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I apologize for getting emotional,
though it's been some twenty years now.

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It is because in that moment all my pulses
stopped, everything stopped.

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Even my heart, I think even my heart,
stopped beating for a few seconds.

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I thought what am I to do now?

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Did I really ignore this woman?

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Was I really going talk
to her in that way?

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What was I thinking? Who am I?

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Who am I? Who is this? Who am I?

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And in those moments...

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Seeing my struggle, she placed the flowers
on my daughter's lap in the stroller,

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on her skirt, and went away.

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I remained there, with a light
that suddenly lit up inside me.

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And I saw myself from Maryam's eyes.

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I saw an angry, entitled woman who always
has a reason to be dissatisfied,

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who thinks that she's different,

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who is now squatting in the corner
of her cold, dark, lonely cave.

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Why? Because I had pushed away my friends.

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Because I hated being the subject of pity.

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I had stopped my family
because they had all kinds of suggestions,

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each one saying something different:
do this, do that.

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I had told everyone I didn't want them,

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that I want to focus all my energy
on this child,

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receiving multiple CCs
of poison every day,

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whose veins are burning, who is screaming,
"I'm burning, I'm burning!"

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None of you know what you're talking
about, I don't want your advice.

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I had pushed away her doctors.

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They did their job of course,

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but they knew I didn't believe in them.

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I looked and saw myself
in the corner of the cave, sitting alone,

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building thicker walls each day.

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But I could hear
the cracks in the ice too.

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I could hear them breaking down.

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A ray of light shining through the cracks

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was showing me, sitting in the corner,
squatting with my head on my knees.

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I thought... I have no choice,
but to go forward,

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to pick myself off the ground and say,

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"Get up Saideh, get up!

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Come to your senses!
Watch Maryam!

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She has a thousandth of your resources,

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she gives what little is in her power.

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She has picked these flowers for you,
from the other side of the world.

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Who are you? Be the kind of person
that is worthy of this love,

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Learn something!"

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In those moments of awareness,

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I believe I subconsciously
made a promise to myself

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that from that day forth,
I would seek to learn

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Maryam and the Maryams of the world,
and dedicate my life to serving them.

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I wasn't fully aware of the promise.

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It was just a fire
that Maryam had lit inside me.

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This woman had 4 children.

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She worked in the rice paddies
in the north of Iran.

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And...

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her husband had died in the war.

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And since this was the period
right after the war in Iran,

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due to resource scarcity,
the priority of the healthcare system

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was saving soldiers and their families,


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but not a child with cancer.

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Because the understanding back then,

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we're talking some 20 years ago, was:
a child with cancer will eventually die.

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In those days, the only people fighting
for them were their mothers.

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A mother, if her child is a month old,
and is lost in the depth of the ocean,

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she will dive in to save her,

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because she'd still have hope
that she can save her child.

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So, it was the mothers who were fighting.

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Maryam was one of those mothers.

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She was carrying her 13 year old child
on her shoulders,

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to Tehran to get treated.

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I had made a promise to myself.

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The first was to learn from Maryam.

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Maryam's secret is something
all of us in this place need.

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Live without expectation,
love without expectation.

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Give without expectation.

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Her only expectation was of herself.

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Everything she wanted,
she wanted it of herself.

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This trait was so powerful in this woman
that she filled her surrounding

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with her energy and made an impact,
as she had changed my world.

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The second part of my promise
was to live a life of service to them.

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As I took the first steps,

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naturally there was the perception,

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"Pfff...a child with cancer...
in this country...

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such expensive medicine."

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This, that, and the other thing,
"Why would anyone bother?"

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The officials would dismiss me saying,

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"Go home lady, children with cancer
are a lost cause."

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But I was compelled,
not through my own willpower,

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but emboldened by the fire
that Maryam has lit inside me.

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There was no room for second thoughts.

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So I kept going, my going was first steps.

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And then, it was help pouring in
from all sides.

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You, sitting in this audience,

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I am certain

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that you are the same helpers,

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at least 80-90% of you are,

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people who have helped us on this path.

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What was the result?

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The result is that today, in homeland,

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no child with cancer will die of poverty.

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(Applause)

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If you allow me to continue,
you will like hearing the rest even more.

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Because you are applauding yourself,

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and the people who created a miracle,
by trusting each other and joining force.

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What happened is that no father
had to stand ashamed anymore

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at the pharmacy counter
because he has no money for the medicine.

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No mother had to crawl in the dark cave
because she didn't know what has happened

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and couldn't accept
what those around her told her.

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Because, now, there is an organization
of this scale supporting them.

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They have access to many volunteer,
professional psychologists,

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who teach them how to cope
with these problems.

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Their other children,
the sisters and brothers,

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don't have to miss school anymore

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because their parents can continue
their normal lives,

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while solving this problem.

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You have made all of this possible.

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This is what I wanted to share with you.

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In going through this journey
I have discovered an absolute truth:

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Within every human being,
without exception,

00:15:50.074 --> 00:15:52.876
there is a seed of a miracle.

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Some due to circumstances...

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Some spend their life
in complete ignorance like I was.

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In that world that they're in,
they have no time,

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no opportunity to pay attention
to this seed.

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We can't blame them.

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Life happened for me this way,
so I followed this path.

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My genes, my upbringing,
my family, all of it.

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I didn't even know the seed existed,
so I had no way to look for it.

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Until life slapped me awake.

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But some people are seeking it,
and seeking...

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I, instead of...

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instead of regret, sadness, and self-pity,

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which is a habit incrusted in us,
and we all have to feel sorry for it.

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From morning to night
and from night to morning

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we blame everyone for everything
that has happened to us except ourselves.

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Instead of why,
maybe the better question is:

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How shall we get out of this situation?

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What are the ways out of this problem?

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The hardest steps are the first steps.

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If we take them,
the universe will push us forward.

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The universe is searching for those
who want to create change.

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You can see this in your life.

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This has nothing to do
with university or wealth.

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This has everything to do
with a seeking mind.

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A mind that does not surrender
to obstacles,

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a mind that searches for a solution.

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Once that has happened,
there is no stopping it.

00:17:40.987 --> 00:17:46.502
You will see that you will also become
one of miracle workers of the world.

00:17:47.007 --> 00:17:50.037
The only question
that we must ask today is:

00:17:50.046 --> 00:17:51.876
What will be my miracle?

00:17:52.220 --> 00:17:53.070
Thank you.

00:17:53.161 --> 00:17:54.431
(Applause)