This is an office.

It is where many of you will spend
the majority of your waking life.

And these are the things that will

inevitably happen while you're there.

You will begin your time working in an office,

wearing your finest clothing,

only to wind up not giving a sh*t.

Regardless of your best intentions,

you will develop an addiction to caffeine.

No matter what your relationship status,

you will develop some sort
of crush on a co-worker.

You will fall into one of two camps:

The people who are always freezing...

or the people who are constantly hot.

You will start with one personal
item in your office drawer

and then one day you'll open it up

and realize your entire life is in there.

Someone in your office will creep you out.

And you will bond with someone else
over mutually being creeped out.

You will get exceptionally good at
hiding Facebook on your computer.

At some point, you will hear
one of your co-workers pooping.

That will be a low point.

You'll come face-to-face with
the co-worker in the restroom

and realize that they don't wash their hands

and that will change everything.

You'll gain at least five pounds
of fat from all the birthday cookies,

cakes and red velvet cupcakes
that keep floating around.

And just when you try
to cut down on the sweets,

your co-workers will pull you back in.

You will fantasize about doing unspeakably
strange things to your co-workers.

At some point, you'll bring a personal friend to visit

and it will be unexpectedly awkward

to introduce them to anyone you work with.

You will get really excited about
being good at some small task

and then hate it once everyone else
starts asking you to do it for them.

And you will form a group of friends in that office

who will make every day a whole lot better.

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