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This is an office.

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It is where many of you will spend
the majority of your waking life.

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And these are the things that will 


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inevitably happen while you're there.

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You will begin your time working in an office,

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wearing your finest clothing,

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only to wind up not giving a sh*t.

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Regardless of your best intentions,

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you will develop an addiction to caffeine.

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No matter what your relationship status,

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you will develop some sort
of crush on a co-worker.

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You will fall into one of two camps:

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The people who are always freezing...

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or the people who are constantly hot.

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You will start with one personal
item in your office drawer

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and then one day you'll open it up

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and realize your entire life is in there.

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Someone in your office will creep you out.

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And you will bond with someone else
over mutually being creeped out.

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You will get exceptionally good at
hiding Facebook on your computer.

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At some point, you will hear
one of your co-workers pooping.

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That will be a low point.

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You'll come face-to-face with
the co-worker in the restroom

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and realize that they don't wash their hands

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and that will change everything.

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You'll gain at least five pounds
of fat from all the birthday cookies,

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cakes and red velvet cupcakes
that keep floating around.

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And just when you try
to cut down on the sweets,

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your co-workers will pull you back in.

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You will fantasize about doing unspeakably
strange things to your co-workers.

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At some point, you'll bring a personal friend to visit

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and it will be unexpectedly awkward

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to introduce them to anyone you work with.

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You will get really excited about
being good at some small task

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and then hate it once everyone else
starts asking you to do it for them.

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And you will form a group of friends in that office

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who will make every day a whole lot better.

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