WEBVTT 00:00:00.944 --> 00:00:02.842 I remember when I first found out 00:00:02.866 --> 00:00:04.905 I was going to speak at a TED conference. 00:00:04.929 --> 00:00:07.040 I ran across the hall to one of my classrooms 00:00:07.064 --> 00:00:08.493 to inform my students. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:08.517 --> 00:00:09.765 "Guess what, guys? 00:00:09.789 --> 00:00:11.867 I've been asked to give a TED Talk." NOTE Paragraph 00:00:11.891 --> 00:00:13.922 The reaction wasn't one I quite expected. 00:00:13.946 --> 00:00:15.404 The whole room went silent. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:17.134 --> 00:00:20.094 "A TED Talk? You mean, like the one you made us watch on grit? 00:00:20.118 --> 00:00:23.813 Or the one with the scientist that did this really awesome thing with robots?" 00:00:23.837 --> 00:00:25.003 Muhammad asked. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:25.027 --> 00:00:26.448 "Yes, just like that." NOTE Paragraph 00:00:27.137 --> 00:00:30.071 "But Coach, those people are really important and smart." NOTE Paragraph 00:00:30.095 --> 00:00:32.172 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:00:32.196 --> 00:00:33.518 "I know that." NOTE Paragraph 00:00:34.793 --> 00:00:38.510 "But Coach, why are you speaking? You hate public speaking." NOTE Paragraph 00:00:39.071 --> 00:00:40.580 "I do," I admitted, 00:00:42.334 --> 00:00:45.933 "But it's important that I speak about us, that I speak about your journeys, 00:00:45.957 --> 00:00:47.116 about my journey. 00:00:47.140 --> 00:00:48.409 People need to know." NOTE Paragraph 00:00:49.098 --> 00:00:51.811 The students at the all-refugee school that I founded 00:00:51.835 --> 00:00:54.227 decided to end with some words of encouragement. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:54.251 --> 00:00:56.070 "Cool! It better be good, Coach." NOTE Paragraph 00:00:56.094 --> 00:00:58.794 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:00:58.818 --> 00:01:02.376 There are 65.3 million people who have been forcibly displaced 00:01:02.400 --> 00:01:04.948 from their homes because of war or persecution. 00:01:06.035 --> 00:01:09.018 The largest number, 11 million, are from Syria. 00:01:09.963 --> 00:01:14.322 33,952 people flee their homes daily. 00:01:16.846 --> 00:01:20.044 The vast majority remain in refugee camps, 00:01:20.068 --> 00:01:24.093 whose conditions cannot be defined as humane under anyone's definition. 00:01:24.686 --> 00:01:29.036 We are participating in the degradation of humans. 00:01:32.750 --> 00:01:34.531 Never have we had numbers this high. 00:01:34.555 --> 00:01:37.676 This is the highest number of refugees since World War II. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:38.415 --> 00:01:41.187 Now, let me tell you why this issue is so important to me. 00:01:42.144 --> 00:01:44.894 I am an Arab. I am an immigrant. 00:01:46.024 --> 00:01:47.291 I am a Muslim. 00:01:48.006 --> 00:01:51.780 I've also spent the last 12 years of my life working with refugees. 00:01:51.804 --> 00:01:53.246 Oh -- and I'm also gay. 00:01:53.270 --> 00:01:55.170 It makes me really popular these days. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:55.194 --> 00:01:57.085 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:01:57.109 --> 00:01:59.053 But I am the daughter of a refugee. 00:02:00.056 --> 00:02:04.554 My grandmother fled Syria in 1964 during the first Assad regime. 00:02:04.578 --> 00:02:08.025 She was three months pregnant when she packed up a suitcase, 00:02:08.049 --> 00:02:11.143 piled in her five children and drove to neighboring Jordan, 00:02:11.167 --> 00:02:14.179 not knowing what the future held for her and her family. 00:02:14.203 --> 00:02:17.840 My grandfather decided to stay, not believing it was that bad. 00:02:18.562 --> 00:02:22.036 He followed her a month later, after his brothers were tortured 00:02:22.060 --> 00:02:24.489 and his factory was taken over by the government. 00:02:25.039 --> 00:02:27.233 They rebuilt their lives starting from scratch 00:02:27.257 --> 00:02:30.532 and eventually became independently wealthy Jordanian citizens. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:31.969 --> 00:02:34.462 I was born in Jordan 11 years later. 00:02:35.431 --> 00:02:38.741 It was really important to my grandmother for us to know our history 00:02:38.765 --> 00:02:39.919 and our journey. 00:02:40.883 --> 00:02:44.500 I was eight years old when she took me to visit my first refugee camp. 00:02:44.524 --> 00:02:45.964 I didn't understand why. 00:02:46.636 --> 00:02:48.767 I didn't know why it was so important to her 00:02:48.791 --> 00:02:50.241 for us to go. 00:02:50.265 --> 00:02:53.204 I remember walking into the camp holding her hand, 00:02:53.228 --> 00:02:55.197 and her saying, "Go play with the kids," 00:02:55.221 --> 00:02:57.724 while she visited with the women in the camp. 00:02:58.606 --> 00:02:59.818 I didn't want to. 00:02:59.842 --> 00:03:01.258 These kids weren't like me. 00:03:01.282 --> 00:03:03.060 They were poor. They lived in a camp. 00:03:03.084 --> 00:03:04.424 I refused. 00:03:04.448 --> 00:03:07.414 She knelt down beside me and firmly said, "Go. 00:03:07.438 --> 00:03:09.592 And don't come back until you've played. 00:03:09.616 --> 00:03:11.656 Don't ever think people are beneath you 00:03:11.680 --> 00:03:13.979 or that you have nothing to learn from others." NOTE Paragraph 00:03:14.520 --> 00:03:15.969 I reluctantly went. 00:03:15.993 --> 00:03:18.281 I never wanted to disappoint my grandmother. 00:03:19.475 --> 00:03:20.872 I returned a few hours later, 00:03:20.896 --> 00:03:25.526 having spent some time playing soccer with the kids in the camp. 00:03:26.039 --> 00:03:27.316 We walked out of the camp, 00:03:27.340 --> 00:03:30.035 and I was excitedly telling her what a great time I had 00:03:30.059 --> 00:03:31.990 and how fantastic the kids were. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:33.175 --> 00:03:35.855 "Haram!" I said in Arabic. "Poor them." NOTE Paragraph 00:03:36.648 --> 00:03:39.735 "Haram on us," she said, using the word's different meaning, 00:03:39.759 --> 00:03:41.092 that we were sinning. 00:03:42.002 --> 00:03:44.375 "Don't feel sorry for them; believe in them." NOTE Paragraph 00:03:46.351 --> 00:03:49.770 It wasn't until I left my country of origin for the United States 00:03:49.794 --> 00:03:51.806 that I realized the impact of her words. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:53.187 --> 00:03:56.861 After my college graduation, I applied for and was granted political asylum, 00:03:56.885 --> 00:03:58.977 based on being a member of a social group. 00:03:59.710 --> 00:04:01.400 Some people may not realize this, 00:04:01.424 --> 00:04:05.090 but you can still get the death penalty in some countries for being gay. 00:04:07.077 --> 00:04:09.121 I had to give up my Jordanian citizenship. 00:04:09.145 --> 00:04:11.594 That was the hardest decision I've ever had to make, 00:04:11.618 --> 00:04:12.998 but I had no other choice. 00:04:17.387 --> 00:04:18.630 The point is, 00:04:19.506 --> 00:04:22.582 when you find yourself choosing between home and survival, 00:04:22.606 --> 00:04:25.438 the question "Where are you from?" becomes very loaded. 00:04:26.772 --> 00:04:30.039 A Syrian woman who I recently met at a refugee camp in Greece 00:04:30.063 --> 00:04:31.331 articulated it best, 00:04:31.355 --> 00:04:34.925 when she recalled the exact moment she realized she had to flee Aleppo. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:35.277 --> 00:04:37.535 "I looked out the window and there was nothing. 00:04:37.559 --> 00:04:38.918 It was all rubble. 00:04:39.593 --> 00:04:43.385 There were no stores, no streets, no schools. Everything was gone. 00:04:44.006 --> 00:04:46.053 I had been in my apartment for months, 00:04:46.077 --> 00:04:49.147 listening to bombs drop and watching people die. 00:04:49.771 --> 00:04:51.834 But I always thought it would get better, 00:04:53.028 --> 00:04:55.102 that no one could force me to leave, 00:04:55.126 --> 00:04:57.168 no one could take my home away from me. 00:04:57.795 --> 00:05:01.067 And I don't know why it was that morning, but when I looked outside, 00:05:01.091 --> 00:05:04.229 I realized if I didn't leave, my three young children would die. 00:05:04.253 --> 00:05:05.642 And so we left. 00:05:05.666 --> 00:05:08.670 We left because we had to, not because we wanted to. 00:05:08.694 --> 00:05:10.442 There was no choice," she said. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:11.978 --> 00:05:14.256 It's kind of hard to believe that you belong 00:05:14.280 --> 00:05:15.744 when you don't have a home, 00:05:15.768 --> 00:05:19.774 when your country of origin rejects you because of fear or persecution, 00:05:19.798 --> 00:05:23.702 or the city that you grew up in is completely destroyed. 00:05:24.805 --> 00:05:26.836 I didn't feel like I had a home. 00:05:26.860 --> 00:05:29.317 I was no longer a Jordanian citizen, 00:05:29.341 --> 00:05:30.973 but I wasn't American, either. 00:05:31.643 --> 00:05:33.381 I felt a kind of loneliness 00:05:33.405 --> 00:05:35.524 that is still hard to put into words today. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:36.781 --> 00:05:40.064 After college, I desperately needed to find a place to call home. 00:05:40.546 --> 00:05:42.262 I bounced around from state to state 00:05:42.286 --> 00:05:44.721 and eventually ended up in North Carolina. 00:05:44.745 --> 00:05:46.870 Kindhearted people who felt sorry for me 00:05:47.413 --> 00:05:48.747 offered to pay rent 00:05:49.405 --> 00:05:52.719 or buy me a meal or a suit for my new interview. 00:05:52.743 --> 00:05:55.766 It just made me feel more isolated and incapable. 00:05:56.481 --> 00:05:58.295 It wasn't until I met Miss Sarah, 00:05:58.319 --> 00:06:02.055 a Southern Baptist who took me in at my lowest and gave me a job, 00:06:02.079 --> 00:06:03.972 that I started to believe in myself. 00:06:04.695 --> 00:06:08.492 Miss Sarah owned a diner in the mountains of North Carolina. 00:06:09.856 --> 00:06:12.025 I assumed, because of my privileged upbringing 00:06:12.049 --> 00:06:13.568 and my Seven Sister education, 00:06:13.592 --> 00:06:15.796 that she would ask me to manage the restaurant. 00:06:15.820 --> 00:06:17.028 I was wrong. 00:06:17.972 --> 00:06:19.675 I started off washing dishes, 00:06:19.699 --> 00:06:21.678 cleaning toilets and working the grill. 00:06:22.247 --> 00:06:25.332 I was humbled; I was shown the value of hard work. 00:06:25.356 --> 00:06:27.966 But most importantly, I felt valued and embraced. 00:06:28.924 --> 00:06:30.804 I celebrated Christmas with her family, 00:06:30.828 --> 00:06:33.180 and she attempted to observe Ramadan with me. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:34.236 --> 00:06:36.906 I remember being very nervous about coming out to her -- 00:06:36.930 --> 00:06:38.972 after all, she was a Southern Baptist. 00:06:38.996 --> 00:06:40.456 I sat on the couch next to her 00:06:40.480 --> 00:06:43.011 and I said, "Miss Sarah, you know that I'm gay." 00:06:43.035 --> 00:06:45.221 Her response is one that I will never forget. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:45.715 --> 00:06:47.914 "That's fine, honey. Just don't be a slut." NOTE Paragraph 00:06:47.938 --> 00:06:51.110 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:06:51.134 --> 00:06:53.809 (Applause) NOTE Paragraph 00:06:53.833 --> 00:06:59.745 I eventually moved to Atlanta, still trying to find my home. 00:07:00.261 --> 00:07:02.640 My journey took a strange turn three years later, 00:07:02.664 --> 00:07:05.897 after I met a group of refugee kids playing soccer outside. 00:07:06.318 --> 00:07:08.858 I'd made a wrong turn into this apartment complex, 00:07:08.882 --> 00:07:11.097 and I saw these kids outside playing soccer. 00:07:11.496 --> 00:07:14.059 They were playing barefoot with a raggedy soccer ball 00:07:14.083 --> 00:07:15.535 and rocks set up as goals. 00:07:15.559 --> 00:07:17.259 I watched them for about an hour, 00:07:17.283 --> 00:07:18.861 and after that I was smiling. 00:07:19.296 --> 00:07:20.883 The boys reminded me of home. 00:07:21.368 --> 00:07:23.846 They reminded me of the way I grew up playing soccer 00:07:23.870 --> 00:07:26.500 in the streets of Jordan, with my brothers and cousins. 00:07:27.792 --> 00:07:29.793 I eventually joined their game. 00:07:29.817 --> 00:07:32.660 They were a little skeptical about letting me join it, 00:07:32.684 --> 00:07:35.346 because according to them, girls don't know how to play. 00:07:35.370 --> 00:07:36.716 But obviously I did. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:36.740 --> 00:07:38.984 I asked them if they had ever played on a team. 00:07:39.008 --> 00:07:41.442 They said they hadn't, but that they would love to. 00:07:41.931 --> 00:07:44.952 I gradually won them over, and we formed our first team. 00:07:45.851 --> 00:07:50.735 This group of kids would give me a crash course in refugees, poverty 00:07:51.997 --> 00:07:53.229 and humanity. 00:07:54.375 --> 00:07:57.930 Three brothers from Afghanistan -- Roohullah, Noorullah and Zabiullah -- 00:07:57.954 --> 00:07:59.578 played a major role in that. 00:08:00.380 --> 00:08:03.948 I showed up late to practice one day to find the field completely deserted. 00:08:03.972 --> 00:08:05.153 I was really worried. 00:08:05.177 --> 00:08:06.788 My team loved to practice. 00:08:06.812 --> 00:08:09.419 It wasn't like them to miss practice. 00:08:09.443 --> 00:08:12.531 I got out of my car, and two kids ran out from behind a dumpster, 00:08:12.555 --> 00:08:14.138 waving their hands frantically. NOTE Paragraph 00:08:15.095 --> 00:08:17.142 "Coach, Rooh got beat up. He got jumped. 00:08:17.166 --> 00:08:18.744 There was blood everywhere." NOTE Paragraph 00:08:18.768 --> 00:08:21.223 "What do you mean? What do you mean he got beat up?" NOTE Paragraph 00:08:21.247 --> 00:08:23.320 "These bad kids came and beat him up, Coach. 00:08:23.344 --> 00:08:25.570 Everybody left. They were all scared." NOTE Paragraph 00:08:25.594 --> 00:08:28.312 We hopped into my car and drove over to Rooh's apartment. 00:08:28.336 --> 00:08:30.835 I knocked on the door, and Noor opened it. 00:08:31.589 --> 00:08:34.341 "Where's Rooh? I need to talk to him, see if he's OK." 00:08:34.365 --> 00:08:37.301 "He's in his room, Coach. He's refusing to come out." 00:08:37.325 --> 00:08:38.492 I knocked on the door. NOTE Paragraph 00:08:38.516 --> 00:08:40.942 "Rooh, come on out. I need to talk to you. 00:08:40.966 --> 00:08:44.017 I need to see if you're OK or if we need to go to the hospital." NOTE Paragraph 00:08:44.041 --> 00:08:45.192 He came out. 00:08:45.216 --> 00:08:47.478 He had a big gash on his head, a split lip, 00:08:48.019 --> 00:08:49.770 and he was physically shaken. 00:08:50.514 --> 00:08:51.847 I was looking at him, 00:08:51.871 --> 00:08:54.430 and I asked the boys to call for their mom, 00:08:54.454 --> 00:08:56.866 because I needed to go to the hospital with him. 00:08:56.890 --> 00:08:58.197 They called for their mom. 00:08:58.608 --> 00:08:59.800 She came out. 00:09:00.239 --> 00:09:03.818 I had my back turned to her, and she started screaming in Farsi. 00:09:04.577 --> 00:09:06.652 The boys fell to the ground laughing. 00:09:06.676 --> 00:09:07.828 I was very confused, 00:09:07.852 --> 00:09:09.926 because there was nothing funny about this. 00:09:10.390 --> 00:09:12.390 They explained to me that she said, NOTE Paragraph 00:09:12.414 --> 00:09:15.228 "You told me your coach was a Muslim and a woman." 00:09:15.252 --> 00:09:17.621 From behind, I didn't appear to be either to her. NOTE Paragraph 00:09:17.645 --> 00:09:21.278 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:09:21.302 --> 00:09:23.538 "I am Muslim," I said, turning to her. 00:09:23.562 --> 00:09:25.493 "Ašhadu ʾan lā ʾilāha ʾilla (A)llāh," 00:09:25.517 --> 00:09:27.886 reciting the Muslim declaration of faith. 00:09:28.587 --> 00:09:29.891 Confused, 00:09:31.208 --> 00:09:33.198 and perhaps maybe a little bit reassured, 00:09:33.222 --> 00:09:34.377 she realized that yes, 00:09:34.401 --> 00:09:37.692 I, this American-acting, shorts-wearing, non-veiled woman, 00:09:37.716 --> 00:09:38.906 was indeed a Muslim. NOTE Paragraph 00:09:40.166 --> 00:09:42.116 Their family had fled the Taliban. 00:09:43.687 --> 00:09:45.391 Hundreds of people in their village 00:09:45.415 --> 00:09:46.661 were murdered. 00:09:46.685 --> 00:09:48.898 Their father was taken in by the Taliban, 00:09:48.922 --> 00:09:52.723 only to return a few months later, a shell of the man he once was. 00:09:54.738 --> 00:09:57.149 The family escaped to Pakistan, 00:09:57.173 --> 00:10:00.741 and the two older boys, age eight and 10 at the time, 00:10:00.765 --> 00:10:04.002 wove rugs for 10 hours a day to provide for their family. 00:10:04.926 --> 00:10:08.683 They were so excited when they found out that they had been approved 00:10:08.707 --> 00:10:11.199 to resettle in the United States, 00:10:11.223 --> 00:10:14.476 making them the lucky 0.1 percent who get to do that. 00:10:14.500 --> 00:10:16.090 They had hit the jackpot. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:16.930 --> 00:10:18.500 Their story is not unique. 00:10:19.085 --> 00:10:22.993 Every refugee family I have worked with has had some version of this. 00:10:23.017 --> 00:10:24.357 I work with kids 00:10:25.206 --> 00:10:29.065 who have seen their mothers raped, their fathers' fingers sliced off. 00:10:29.089 --> 00:10:32.044 One kid saw a bullet put in his grandmother's head, 00:10:32.068 --> 00:10:36.106 because she refused to let the rebels take him to be a child soldier. 00:10:37.943 --> 00:10:39.484 Their journeys are haunting. 00:10:39.940 --> 00:10:45.714 But what I get to see every day is hope, resilience, determination, 00:10:45.738 --> 00:10:46.923 a love of life 00:10:46.947 --> 00:10:49.791 and appreciation for being able to rebuild their lives. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:51.607 --> 00:10:53.732 I was at the boys' apartment one night, 00:10:53.756 --> 00:10:58.566 when the mom came home after cleaning 18 hotel rooms in one day. 00:10:58.590 --> 00:11:00.883 She sat down, and Noor rubbed her feet, 00:11:01.679 --> 00:11:04.754 saying that he was going to take care of her once he graduated. 00:11:04.778 --> 00:11:06.272 She smiled from exhaustion. 00:11:06.296 --> 00:11:09.704 "God is good. Life is good. We are lucky to be here." NOTE Paragraph 00:11:11.001 --> 00:11:15.796 In the last two years, we have seen an escalating anti-refugee sentiment. 00:11:16.219 --> 00:11:17.438 It's global. 00:11:18.579 --> 00:11:21.823 The numbers continue to grow because we do nothing to prevent it 00:11:21.847 --> 00:11:23.548 and nothing to stop it. 00:11:23.572 --> 00:11:27.124 The issue shouldn't be stopping refugees from coming into our countries. 00:11:27.148 --> 00:11:30.136 The issue should be not forcing them to leave their own. NOTE Paragraph 00:11:30.160 --> 00:11:34.595 (Applause) NOTE Paragraph 00:11:46.510 --> 00:11:47.835 Sorry. NOTE Paragraph 00:11:47.859 --> 00:11:51.787 (Applause) NOTE Paragraph 00:11:57.917 --> 00:12:00.442 How much more suffering, 00:12:00.466 --> 00:12:02.511 how much more suffering must we take? 00:12:03.255 --> 00:12:06.026 How many more people need to be forced out of their homes 00:12:06.050 --> 00:12:07.431 before we say, "Enough!"? 00:12:07.455 --> 00:12:08.664 A hundred million? 00:12:09.125 --> 00:12:11.951 Not only do we shame, blame and reject them 00:12:13.245 --> 00:12:16.078 for atrocities that they had absolutely nothing to do with, 00:12:17.012 --> 00:12:18.167 we re-traumatize them, 00:12:18.191 --> 00:12:21.156 when we're supposed to be welcoming them into our countries. 00:12:23.291 --> 00:12:26.594 We strip them of their dignity and treat them like criminals. NOTE Paragraph 00:12:26.618 --> 00:12:29.324 I had a student in my office a couple of weeks ago. 00:12:29.348 --> 00:12:31.164 She's originally from Iraq. 00:12:31.188 --> 00:12:32.627 She broke down crying. NOTE Paragraph 00:12:33.595 --> 00:12:35.223 "Why do they hate us?" NOTE Paragraph 00:12:35.247 --> 00:12:36.421 "Who hates you?" NOTE Paragraph 00:12:36.445 --> 00:12:39.216 "Everyone; everyone hates us because we are refugees, 00:12:39.240 --> 00:12:40.596 because we are Muslim." NOTE Paragraph 00:12:42.019 --> 00:12:44.355 In the past, I was able to reassure my students 00:12:44.379 --> 00:12:47.016 that the majority of the world does not hate refugees. 00:12:47.040 --> 00:12:48.425 But this time I couldn't. 00:12:48.868 --> 00:12:52.348 I couldn't explain to her why someone tried to rip off her mother's hijab 00:12:52.372 --> 00:12:54.157 when they were grocery shopping, 00:12:54.181 --> 00:12:57.425 or why a player on an opposing team called her a terrorist 00:12:57.449 --> 00:12:59.932 and told her to go back where she came from. 00:12:59.956 --> 00:13:01.718 I couldn't reassure her 00:13:01.742 --> 00:13:04.081 that her father's ultimate life sacrifice 00:13:04.105 --> 00:13:07.225 by serving in the United States military as an interpreter 00:13:07.249 --> 00:13:09.959 would make her more valued as an American citizen. NOTE Paragraph 00:13:11.051 --> 00:13:13.923 We take in so few refugees worldwide. 00:13:14.949 --> 00:13:17.635 We resettle less than 0.1 percent. 00:13:18.778 --> 00:13:21.978 That 0.1 percent benefits us more than them. 00:13:22.797 --> 00:13:26.583 It dumbfounds me how the word "refugee" is considered something to be dirty, 00:13:26.607 --> 00:13:28.220 something to be ashamed of. 00:13:28.244 --> 00:13:30.108 They have nothing to be ashamed of. NOTE Paragraph 00:13:33.827 --> 00:13:36.550 We have seen advances in every aspect of our lives -- 00:13:36.574 --> 00:13:37.952 except our humanity. 00:13:38.523 --> 00:13:42.962 There are 65.3 million people who have been forced out of their homes 00:13:42.986 --> 00:13:44.230 because of war -- 00:13:44.685 --> 00:13:46.534 the largest number in history. 00:13:47.110 --> 00:13:49.167 We are the ones who should be ashamed. NOTE Paragraph 00:13:49.712 --> 00:13:50.867 Thank you. NOTE Paragraph 00:13:50.891 --> 00:13:57.420 (Applause)