WEBVTT

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I remember when I first found out

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I was going to speak at a TED conference.

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I ran across the hall
to one of my classrooms

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to inform my students.

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"Guess what, guys?

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I've been asked to give a TED Talk."

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The reaction wasn't one I quite expected.

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The whole room went silent.

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"A TED Talk? You mean, like the one
you made us watch on grit?

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Or the one with the scientist that did
this really awesome thing with robots?"

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Muhammad asked.

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"Yes, just like that."

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"But Coach, those people
are really important and smart."

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(Laughter)

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"I know that."

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"But Coach, why are you speaking?
You hate public speaking."

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"I do," I admitted,

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"But it's important that I speak about us,
that I speak about your journeys,

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about my journey.

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People need to know."

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The students at the all-refugee
school that I founded

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decided to end with some
words of encouragement.

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"Cool! It better be good, Coach."

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(Laughter)

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There are 65.3 million people
who have been forcibly displaced

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from their homes because
of war or persecution.

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The largest number,
11 million, are from Syria.

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33,952 people flee their homes daily.

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The vast majority remain in refugee camps,

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whose conditions cannot be defined
as humane under anyone's definition.

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We are participating
in the degradation of humans.

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Never have we had numbers this high.

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This is the highest number
of refugees since World War II.

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Now, let me tell you why this issue
is so important to me.

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I am an Arab. I am an immigrant.

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I am a Muslim.

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I've also spent the last 12 years
of my life working with refugees.

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Oh -- and I'm also gay.

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It makes me really popular these days.

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(Laughter)

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But I am the daughter of a refugee.

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My grandmother fled Syria in 1964
during the first Assad regime.

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She was three months pregnant
when she packed up a suitcase,

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piled in her five children
and drove to neighboring Jordan,

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not knowing what the future held
for her and her family.

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My grandfather decided to stay,
not believing it was that bad.

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He followed her a month later,
after his brothers were tortured

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and his factory was taken over
by the government.

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They rebuilt their lives
starting from scratch

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and eventually became independently
wealthy Jordanian citizens.

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I was born in Jordan 11 years later.

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It was really important to my grandmother
for us to know our history

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and our journey.

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I was eight years old when she took me
to visit my first refugee camp.

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I didn't understand why.

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I didn't know why
it was so important to her

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for us to go.

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I remember walking into the camp
holding her hand,

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and her saying, "Go play with the kids,"

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while she visited
with the women in the camp.

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I didn't want to.

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These kids weren't like me.

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They were poor. They lived in a camp.

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I refused.

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She knelt down beside me
and firmly said, "Go.

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And don't come back until you've played.

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Don't ever think people are beneath you

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or that you have nothing
to learn from others."

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I reluctantly went.

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I never wanted to disappoint
my grandmother.

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I returned a few hours later,

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having spent some time playing soccer
with the kids in the camp.

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We walked out of the camp,

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and I was excitedly telling her
what a great time I had

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and how fantastic the kids were.

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"Haram!" I said in Arabic. "Poor them."

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"Haram on us," she said,
using the word's different meaning,

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that we were sinning.

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"Don't feel sorry for them;
believe in them."

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It wasn't until I left my country
of origin for the United States

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that I realized the impact of her words.

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After my college graduation, I applied for
and was granted political asylum,

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based on being a member of a social group.

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Some people may not realize this,

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but you can still get the death penalty
in some countries for being gay.

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I had to give up my Jordanian citizenship.

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That was the hardest decision
I've ever had to make,

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but I had no other choice.

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The point is,

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when you find yourself choosing
between home and survival,

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the question "Where are you from?"
becomes very loaded.

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A Syrian woman who I recently met
at a refugee camp in Greece

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articulated it best,

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when she recalled the exact moment
she realized she had to flee Aleppo.

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"I looked out the window
and there was nothing.

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It was all rubble.

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There were no stores, no streets,
no schools. Everything was gone.

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I had been in my apartment for months,

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listening to bombs drop
and watching people die.

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But I always thought it would get better,

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that no one could force me to leave,

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no one could take my home away from me.

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And I don't know why it was that morning,
but when I looked outside,

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I realized if I didn't leave,
my three young children would die.

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And so we left.

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We left because we had to,
not because we wanted to.

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There was no choice," she said.

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It's kind of hard to believe
that you belong

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when you don't have a home,

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when your country of origin rejects you
because of fear or persecution,

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or the city that you grew up in
is completely destroyed.

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I didn't feel like I had a home.

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I was no longer a Jordanian citizen,

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but I wasn't American, either.

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I felt a kind of loneliness

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that is still hard
to put into words today.

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After college, I desperately needed
to find a place to call home.

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I bounced around from state to state

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and eventually ended up in North Carolina.

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Kindhearted people who felt sorry for me

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offered to pay rent

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or buy me a meal or a suit
for my new interview.

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It just made me feel
more isolated and incapable.

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It wasn't until I met Miss Sarah,

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a Southern Baptist who took me in
at my lowest and gave me a job,

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that I started to believe in myself.

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Miss Sarah owned a diner
in the mountains of North Carolina.

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I assumed, because
of my privileged upbringing

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and my Seven Sister education,

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that she would ask me
to manage the restaurant.

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I was wrong.

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I started off washing dishes,

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cleaning toilets and working the grill.

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I was humbled; I was shown
the value of hard work.

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But most importantly,
I felt valued and embraced.

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I celebrated Christmas with her family,

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and she attempted to observe
Ramadan with me.

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I remember being very nervous
about coming out to her --

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after all, she was a Southern Baptist.

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I sat on the couch next to her

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and I said, "Miss Sarah,
you know that I'm gay."

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Her response is one
that I will never forget.

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"That's fine, honey.
Just don't be a slut."

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(Laughter)

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(Applause)

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I eventually moved to Atlanta,
still trying to find my home.

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My journey took a strange turn
three years later,

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after I met a group of refugee kids
playing soccer outside.

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I'd made a wrong turn
into this apartment complex,

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and I saw these kids
outside playing soccer.

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They were playing barefoot
with a raggedy soccer ball

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and rocks set up as goals.

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I watched them for about an hour,

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and after that I was smiling.

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The boys reminded me of home.

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They reminded me of the way
I grew up playing soccer

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in the streets of Jordan,
with my brothers and cousins.

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I eventually joined their game.

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They were a little skeptical
about letting me join it,

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because according to them,
girls don't know how to play.

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But obviously I did.

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I asked them if they had
ever played on a team.

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They said they hadn't,
but that they would love to.

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I gradually won them over,
and we formed our first team.

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This group of kids would give me
a crash course in refugees, poverty

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and humanity.

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Three brothers from Afghanistan --
Roohullah, Noorullah and Zabiullah --

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played a major role in that.

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I showed up late to practice one day
to find the field completely deserted.

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I was really worried.

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My team loved to practice.

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It wasn't like them to miss practice.

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I got out of my car, and two kids
ran out from behind a dumpster,

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waving their hands frantically.

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"Coach, Rooh got beat up. He got jumped.

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There was blood everywhere."

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"What do you mean?
What do you mean he got beat up?"

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"These bad kids came
and beat him up, Coach.

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Everybody left. They were all scared."

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We hopped into my car
and drove over to Rooh's apartment.

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I knocked on the door, and Noor opened it.

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"Where's Rooh? I need
to talk to him, see if he's OK."

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"He's in his room, Coach.
He's refusing to come out."

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I knocked on the door.

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"Rooh, come on out. I need to talk to you.

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I need to see if you're OK
or if we need to go to the hospital."

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He came out.

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He had a big gash on his head,
a split lip,

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and he was physically shaken.

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I was looking at him,

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and I asked the boys
to call for their mom,

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because I needed to go
to the hospital with him.

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They called for their mom.

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She came out.

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I had my back turned to her,
and she started screaming in Farsi.

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The boys fell to the ground laughing.

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I was very confused,

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because there was nothing
funny about this.

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They explained to me that she said,

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"You told me your coach
was a Muslim and a woman."

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From behind, I didn't appear
to be either to her.

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(Laughter)

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"I am Muslim," I said, turning to her.

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"Ašhadu ʾan lā ʾilāha ʾilla (A)llāh,"

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reciting the Muslim declaration of faith.

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Confused,

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and perhaps maybe a little bit reassured,

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she realized that yes,

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I, this American-acting,
shorts-wearing, non-veiled woman,

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was indeed a Muslim.

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Their family had fled the Taliban.

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Hundreds of people in their village

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were murdered.

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Their father was taken in by the Taliban,

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only to return a few months later,
a shell of the man he once was.

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The family escaped to Pakistan,

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and the two older boys,
age eight and 10 at the time,

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wove rugs for 10 hours a day
to provide for their family.

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They were so excited when they found out
that they had been approved

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to resettle in the United States,

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making them the lucky 0.1 percent
who get to do that.

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They had hit the jackpot.

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Their story is not unique.

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Every refugee family I have worked with
has had some version of this.

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I work with kids

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who have seen their mothers raped,
their fathers' fingers sliced off.

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One kid saw a bullet
put in his grandmother's head,

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because she refused to let the rebels
take him to be a child soldier.

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Their journeys are haunting.

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But what I get to see every day
is hope, resilience, determination,

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a love of life

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and appreciation for being able
to rebuild their lives.

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I was at the boys' apartment one night,

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when the mom came home
after cleaning 18 hotel rooms in one day.

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She sat down, and Noor rubbed her feet,

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saying that he was going to take care
of her once he graduated.

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She smiled from exhaustion.

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"God is good. Life is good.
We are lucky to be here."

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In the last two years, we have seen
an escalating anti-refugee sentiment.

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It's global.

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The numbers continue to grow
because we do nothing to prevent it

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and nothing to stop it.

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The issue shouldn't be stopping refugees
from coming into our countries.

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The issue should be
not forcing them to leave their own.

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(Applause)

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Sorry.

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(Applause)

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How much more suffering,

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how much more suffering must we take?

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How many more people need to be
forced out of their homes

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before we say, "Enough!"?

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A hundred million?

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Not only do we shame,
blame and reject them

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for atrocities that they had
absolutely nothing to do with,

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we re-traumatize them,

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when we're supposed to be welcoming
them into our countries.

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We strip them of their dignity
and treat them like criminals.

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I had a student in my office
a couple of weeks ago.

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She's originally from Iraq.

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She broke down crying.

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"Why do they hate us?"

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"Who hates you?"

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"Everyone; everyone hates us
because we are refugees,

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because we are Muslim."

NOTE Paragraph

00:12:42.019 --> 00:12:44.355
In the past, I was able
to reassure my students

00:12:44.379 --> 00:12:47.016
that the majority of the world
does not hate refugees.

00:12:47.040 --> 00:12:48.425
But this time I couldn't.

00:12:48.868 --> 00:12:52.348
I couldn't explain to her why someone
tried to rip off her mother's hijab

00:12:52.372 --> 00:12:54.157
when they were grocery shopping,

00:12:54.181 --> 00:12:57.425
or why a player on an opposing
team called her a terrorist

00:12:57.449 --> 00:12:59.932
and told her to go back
where she came from.

00:12:59.956 --> 00:13:01.718
I couldn't reassure her

00:13:01.742 --> 00:13:04.081
that her father's ultimate life sacrifice

00:13:04.105 --> 00:13:07.225
by serving in the United States
military as an interpreter

00:13:07.249 --> 00:13:09.959
would make her more valued
as an American citizen.

NOTE Paragraph

00:13:11.051 --> 00:13:13.923
We take in so few refugees worldwide.

00:13:14.949 --> 00:13:17.635
We resettle less than 0.1 percent.

00:13:18.778 --> 00:13:21.978
That 0.1 percent benefits us
more than them.

00:13:22.797 --> 00:13:26.583
It dumbfounds me how the word "refugee"
is considered something to be dirty,

00:13:26.607 --> 00:13:28.220
something to be ashamed of.

00:13:28.244 --> 00:13:30.108
They have nothing to be ashamed of.

NOTE Paragraph

00:13:33.827 --> 00:13:36.550
We have seen advances
in every aspect of our lives --

00:13:36.574 --> 00:13:37.952
except our humanity.

00:13:38.523 --> 00:13:42.962
There are 65.3 million people
who have been forced out of their homes

00:13:42.986 --> 00:13:44.230
because of war --

00:13:44.685 --> 00:13:46.534
the largest number in history.

00:13:47.110 --> 00:13:49.167
We are the ones who should be ashamed.

NOTE Paragraph

00:13:49.712 --> 00:13:50.867
Thank you.

NOTE Paragraph

00:13:50.891 --> 00:13:57.420
(Applause)