[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.31,0:00:01.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to share with you
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.71,0:00:03.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a paradigm-shifting perspective
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.84,0:00:05.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the issues of gender violence --
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.55,0:00:08.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sexual assault, domestic violence, relationship abuse,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.42,0:00:10.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sexual harassment, sexual abuse of children.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.47,0:00:12.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That whole range of issues that I'll refer to in shorthand
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.51,0:00:14.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as "gender violence issues,"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.35,0:00:17.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they've been seen as women's issues that some good men
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.65,0:00:20.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,help out with, but I have a problem with that frame
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.18,0:00:21.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I don't accept it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.18,0:00:24.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't see these as women's issues that some good men help out with.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.41,0:00:26.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, I'm going to argue that these are men's issues,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.88,0:00:28.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,first and foremost.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.59,0:00:31.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.53,0:00:33.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now obviously, they're also women's issues,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.30,0:00:36.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I appreciate that, but calling
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.08,0:00:38.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gender violence a women's issue is part of the problem,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.81,0:00:40.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for a number of reasons.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.45,0:00:43.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first is that it gives men an excuse not to pay attention.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.78,0:00:45.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right? A lot of men hear the term "women's issues"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.98,0:00:47.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we tend to tune it out, and we think,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.32,0:00:49.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hey, I'm a guy. That's for the girls," or "That's for the women."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.92,0:00:52.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a lot of men literally don't get beyond the first sentence
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.71,0:00:54.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a result.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.28,0:00:56.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's almost like a chip in our brain is activated,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.39,0:00:59.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the neural pathways take our attention in a different direction
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.31,0:01:01.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we hear the term "women's issues."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.57,0:01:03.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is also true, by the way, of the word "gender,"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.63,0:01:05.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because a lot of people hear the word "gender"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.71,0:01:07.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they think it means "women."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.59,0:01:11.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So they think that gender issues is synonymous with women's issues.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.03,0:01:13.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's some confusion about the term gender.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.14,0:01:16.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And actually, let me illustrate that confusion by way of analogy.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.36,0:01:17.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So let's talk for a moment about race.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.100,0:01:19.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the U.S., when we hear the word "race,"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.73,0:01:22.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a lot of people think that means African-American,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.34,0:01:24.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Latino, Asian-American, Native American,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.31,0:01:28.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,South Asian, Pacific Islander, on and on.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.08,0:01:30.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of people, when they hear the word "sexual orientation"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.88,0:01:33.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,think it means gay, lesbian, bisexual.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.63,0:01:35.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a lot of people, when they hear the word "gender,"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.25,0:01:37.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,think it means women. In each case,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.15,0:01:39.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the dominant group doesn't get paid attention to.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.39,0:01:42.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right? As if white people don't have some sort of racial identity
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.79,0:01:46.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or belong to some racial category or construct,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.02,0:01:49.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as if heterosexual people don't have a sexual orientation,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.20,0:01:51.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as if men don't have a gender.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.76,0:01:54.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is one of the ways that dominant systems maintain
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.14,0:01:56.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and reproduce themselves, which is to say
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.10,0:01:59.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the dominant group is rarely challenged to even think about its dominance,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.53,0:02:01.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because that's one of the key characteristics
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.22,0:02:04.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of power and privilege, the ability to go unexamined,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.69,0:02:08.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lacking introspection, in fact being rendered invisible
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.52,0:02:10.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in large measure in the discourse
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.93,0:02:13.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about issues that are primarily about us.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.27,0:02:15.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is amazing how this works
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.22,0:02:16.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in domestic and sexual violence,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.72,0:02:19.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how men have been largely erased from so much
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.02,0:02:20.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the conversation about a subject
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.73,0:02:23.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is centrally about men.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.28,0:02:25.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm going to illustrate what I'm talking about
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.40,0:02:26.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by using the old tech.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.69,0:02:29.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm old school on some fundamental regards.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.71,0:02:32.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I work with -- I make films -- and I work with high tech,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.53,0:02:34.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I'm still old school as an educator,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.46,0:02:37.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I want to share with you this exercise
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.72,0:02:40.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that illustrates on the sentence structure level
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.37,0:02:42.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how the way that we think,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.31,0:02:44.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,literally the way that we use language,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.48,0:02:47.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,conspires to keep our attention off of men.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.12,0:02:49.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is about domestic violence in particular,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.33,0:02:52.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you can plug in other analogues.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.76,0:02:55.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This comes from the work of the feminist linguist Julia Penelope.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.66,0:02:57.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It starts with a very basic English sentence:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.96,0:03:01.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"John beat Mary."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.59,0:03:02.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a good English sentence.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.84,0:03:04.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,John is the subject. Beat is the verb.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.25,0:03:06.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mary is the object. Good sentence.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.29,0:03:08.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now we're going to move to the second sentence,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.02,0:03:11.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which says the same thing in the passive voice.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.03,0:03:17.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Mary was beaten by John."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.39,0:03:20.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now a whole lot has happened in one sentence.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.14,0:03:22.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We've gone from "John beat Mary"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.42,0:03:24.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to "Mary was beaten by John."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.01,0:03:27.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We've shifted our focus in one sentence from John to Mary,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.48,0:03:30.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you can see John is very close to the end of the sentence,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.54,0:03:33.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well, close to dropping off the map of our psychic plain.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.18,0:03:35.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The third sentence, John is dropped,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.14,0:03:38.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we have, "Mary was beaten,"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.44,0:03:40.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and now it's all about Mary.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.31,0:03:43.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're not even thinking about John. It's totally focused on Mary.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.10,0:03:44.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Over the past generation, the term we've used
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.89,0:03:46.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,synonymous with "beaten" is "battered,"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.65,0:03:51.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we have "Mary was battered."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.02,0:03:53.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the final sentence in this sequence,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.50,0:03:55.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,flowing from the others, is,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.14,0:03:57.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Mary is a battered woman."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.84,0:04:04.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So now Mary's very identity -- Mary is a battered woman --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.84,0:04:07.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is what was done to her by John in the first instance.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.81,0:04:10.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we've demonstrated that John has long ago left the conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.68,0:04:13.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, those of us who work in the domestic and sexual violence
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.07,0:04:16.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,field know that victim-blaming is pervasive in this realm,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.30,0:04:19.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is to say, blaming the person to whom something was done
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.21,0:04:20.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rather than the person who did it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.55,0:04:22.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we say things like, why do these women go out with these men?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.70,0:04:23.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why are they attracted to these men?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.91,0:04:26.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why do they keep going back? What was she wearing at that party?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.44,0:04:28.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What a stupid thing to do. Why was she drinking
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.16,0:04:31.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with that group of guys in that hotel room?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.40,0:04:34.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is victim blaming, and there are numerous reasons for it,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.94,0:04:36.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but one of them is that our whole cognitive structure
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.79,0:04:39.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is set up to blame victims. This is all unconscious.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.09,0:04:40.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our whole cognitive structure is set up to ask questions
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.90,0:04:43.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about women and women's choices and what they're doing,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.53,0:04:45.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thinking, and wearing.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.33,0:04:47.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm not going to shout down people who ask questions
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.15,0:04:49.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about women, okay? It's a legitimate thing to ask.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.96,0:04:52.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But's let's be clear: Asking questions about Mary
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.64,0:04:54.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is not going to get us anywhere in terms of preventing violence.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.99,0:04:57.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to ask a different set of questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.01,0:04:58.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can see where I'm going with this, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.61,0:05:02.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The questions are not about Mary. They're about John.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.17,0:05:05.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The questions include things like, why does John beat Mary?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.11,0:05:07.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why is domestic violence still a big problem
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.15,0:05:09.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the United States and all over the world?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.08,0:05:10.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's going on? Why do so many men abuse,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.96,0:05:13.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,physically, emotionally, verbally, and other ways,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.40,0:05:15.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the women and girls, and the men and boys,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.47,0:05:18.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they claim to love? What's going on with men?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.36,0:05:22.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why do so many adult men sexually abuse little girls and little boys?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.08,0:05:23.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why is that a common problem in our society
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.96,0:05:25.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all over the world today?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.45,0:05:27.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why do we hear over and over again
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.84,0:05:31.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about new scandals erupting in major institutions
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.05,0:05:33.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like the Catholic Church or the Penn State football program
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.60,0:05:36.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or the Boy Scouts of America, on and on and on?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.61,0:05:38.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then local communities all over the country
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.55,0:05:41.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all over the world, right? We hear about it all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.45,0:05:43.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The sexual abuse of children.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.25,0:05:46.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's going on with men? Why do so many men rape women
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.00,0:05:48.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in our society and around the world?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.13,0:05:50.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why do so many men rape other men?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.19,0:05:51.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What is going on with men?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.64,0:05:55.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then what is the role of the various institutions
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.89,0:05:58.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in our society that are helping to produce abusive men
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.34,0:05:59.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at pandemic rates?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.63,0:06:01.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because this isn't about individual perpetrators.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.39,0:06:04.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a naive way to understanding what is a much deeper
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.10,0:06:05.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and more systematic social problem.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.98,0:06:07.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, the perpetrators aren't these
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.69,0:06:09.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,monsters who crawl out of the swamp
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.68,0:06:12.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and come into town and do their nasty business
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.09,0:06:14.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then retreat into the darkness.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.06,0:06:16.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a very naive notion, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.62,0:06:18.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perpetrators are much more normal than that,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.67,0:06:20.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and everyday than that.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.01,0:06:23.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the question is, what are we doing here
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.35,0:06:24.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in our society and in the world?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.48,0:06:26.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What are the roles of various institutions
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.51,0:06:28.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in helping to produce abusive men?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.80,0:06:30.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the role of religious belief systems,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.96,0:06:33.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the sports culture, the pornography culture,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.31,0:06:35.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the family structure, economics, and how that intersects,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.97,0:06:37.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and race and ethnicity and how that intersects?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.83,0:06:39.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How does all this work?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.48,0:06:42.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, once we start making those kinds of connections
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.74,0:06:45.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and asking those important and big questions,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.10,0:06:47.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then we can talk about how we can be transformative,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.88,0:06:49.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in other words, how can we do something differently?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.79,0:06:51.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How can we change the practices?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.84,0:06:53.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How can we change the socialization of boys
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.99,0:06:57.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the definitions of manhood that lead to these current outcomes?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.24,0:06:59.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These are the kind of questions that we need
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.36,0:07:01.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be asking and the kind of work that we need to be doing,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.55,0:07:04.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but if we're endlessly focused on what women are doing
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.44,0:07:07.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and thinking in relationships or elsewhere,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.06,0:07:09.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're not going to get to that piece.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.81,0:07:11.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I understand that a lot of women
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.57,0:07:13.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who have been trying to speaking out about these issues,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.58,0:07:16.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,today and yesterday and for years and years,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.16,0:07:18.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,often get shouted down for their efforts.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.22,0:07:21.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They get called nasty names like "male-basher"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.11,0:07:22.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and "man-hater,"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.77,0:07:29.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the disgusting and offensive "feminazi." Right?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.96,0:07:31.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you know what all this is about?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.49,0:07:32.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's called kill the messenger.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.88,0:07:34.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's because the women who are standing up
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.40,0:07:36.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and speaking out for themselves and for other women
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.39,0:07:40.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as well as for men and boys, it's a statement to them
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.20,0:07:43.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to sit down and shut up, keep the current system in place,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.55,0:07:45.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we don't like it when people rock the boat.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.38,0:07:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't like it when people challenge our power.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.00,0:07:50.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You'd better sit down and shut up, basically.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.42,0:07:52.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And thank goodness that women haven't done that.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.48,0:07:53.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank goodness that we live in a world
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.61,0:07:57.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where there's so much women's leadership that can counteract that.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.15,0:07:59.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But one of the powerful roles that men can play in this work
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.67,0:08:01.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that we can say some things
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.26,0:08:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that sometimes women can't say,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.00,0:08:05.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or, better yet, we can be heard saying some things
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.16,0:08:07.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that women often can't be heard saying.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.26,0:08:10.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I appreciate that that's a problem. It's sexism.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.39,0:08:12.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's the truth. And so one of the things that I say to men,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.72,0:08:14.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my colleagues and I always say this,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.78,0:08:16.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is we need more men who have the courage and the strength
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.100,0:08:19.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to start standing up and saying some of this stuff,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.18,0:08:21.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and standing with women and not against them
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.82,0:08:23.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and pretending that somehow this is
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.06,0:08:25.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a battle between the sexes and other kinds of nonsense.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.76,0:08:27.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We live in the world together.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.20,0:08:29.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And by the way, one of the things that really bothers me
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.69,0:08:32.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about some of the rhetoric against feminists and others
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.89,0:08:33.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who have built the battered women's
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.97,0:08:36.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and rape crisis movements around the world
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.60,0:08:38.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that somehow, like I said, that they're anti-male.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.86,0:08:41.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What about all the boys who are profoundly affected
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.44,0:08:43.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a negative way by what some adult man is doing
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.54,0:08:46.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,against their mother, themselves, their sisters?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.88,0:08:49.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What about all those boys?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.02,0:08:50.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What about all the young men and boys
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.30,0:08:52.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who have been traumatized by adult men's violence?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.87,0:08:54.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know what? The same system that produces
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.63,0:08:57.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,men who abuse women produces men who abuse other men.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.51,0:08:58.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if we want to talk about male victims,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.90,0:09:00.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,let's talk about male victims.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.38,0:09:04.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most male victims of violence are the victims of other men's violence.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.11,0:09:06.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that's something that both women and men have in common.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.56,0:09:08.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are both victims of men's violence.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.85,0:09:10.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we have it in our direct self-interest,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.38,0:09:13.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not to mention the fact that most men that I know
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.58,0:09:15.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have women and girls that we care deeply about,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.91,0:09:19.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in our families and our friendship circles and every other way.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.38,0:09:22.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So there's so many reasons why we need men to speak out.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.18,0:09:25.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It seems obvious saying it out loud. Doesn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.42,0:09:29.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, the nature of the work that I do and my colleagues do
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.18,0:09:33.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the sports culture and the U.S. military, in schools,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.03,0:09:35.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we pioneered this approach called the bystander approach
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.74,0:09:37.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to gender violence prevention.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.64,0:09:39.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I just want to give you the highlights of the bystander approach,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.99,0:09:43.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it's a big thematic shift,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.56,0:09:45.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,although there's lots of particulars,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.04,0:09:48.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the heart of it is, instead of seeing men as perpetrators
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.59,0:09:50.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and women as victims,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.27,0:09:53.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or women as perpetrators, men as victims,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.62,0:09:55.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or any combination in there.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.21,0:09:56.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm using the gender binary. I know there's more
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.78,0:09:59.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than men and women, there's more than male and female.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.14,0:10:00.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there are women who are perpetrators,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.68,0:10:03.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and of course there are men who are victims.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.03,0:10:04.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a whole spectrum.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.42,0:10:06.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But instead of seeing it in the binary fashion,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.99,0:10:09.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we focus on all of us as what we call bystanders,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.69,0:10:12.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a bystander is defined as anybody who is not
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.59,0:10:15.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a perpetrator or a victim in a given situation,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.66,0:10:18.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so in other words friends, teammates, colleagues,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.12,0:10:20.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coworkers, family members, those of us
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.49,0:10:23.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who are not directly involved in a dyad of abuse,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.62,0:10:26.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we are embedded in social, family, work, school,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.82,0:10:29.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and other peer culture relationships with people
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.11,0:10:31.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who might be in that situation. What do we do?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.16,0:10:33.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do we speak up? How do we challenge our friends?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.37,0:10:35.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do we support our friends? But how do we not
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.100,0:10:38.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,remain silent in the face of abuse?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.44,0:10:40.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, when it comes to men and male culture,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.94,0:10:43.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the goal is to get men who are not abusive
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.00,0:10:44.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to challenge men who are.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.35,0:10:46.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I say abusive, I don't mean just
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.31,0:10:47.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,men who are beating women.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.39,0:10:51.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're not just saying a man whose friend
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.01,0:10:54.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is abusing his girlfriend needs to stop the guy
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.04,0:10:55.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at the moment of attack.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.32,0:10:59.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a naive way of creating a social change.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.68,0:11:02.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's along a continuum, we're trying to get men
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.68,0:11:03.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to interrupt each other.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.64,0:11:06.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, for example, if you're a guy and you're in a group of guys
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.30,0:11:09.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,playing poker, talking, hanging out, no women present,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.39,0:11:12.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and another guy says something sexist or degrading
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.85,0:11:15.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or harassing about women,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.62,0:11:18.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,instead of laughing along or pretending you didn't hear it,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.99,0:11:20.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we need men to say, "Hey, that's not funny.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.67,0:11:22.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, that could be my sister you're talking about,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.84,0:11:24.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and could you joke about something else?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.43,0:11:25.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or could you talk about something else?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.73,0:11:27.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't appreciate that kind of talk."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.62,0:11:30.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just like if you're a white person and another white person
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.20,0:11:32.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,makes a racist comment, you'd hope, I hope,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.50,0:11:36.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that white people would interrupt that racist enactment
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.34,0:11:37.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by a fellow white person.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.46,0:11:39.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just like with heterosexism, if you're a heterosexual person
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.98,0:11:43.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you yourself don't enact harassing or abusive behaviors
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.14,0:11:45.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,towards people of varying sexual orientations,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.52,0:11:48.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you don't say something in the face of other heterosexual people doing that,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.96,0:11:50.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then, in a sense, isn't your silence
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.37,0:11:52.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a form of consent and complicity?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.60,0:11:54.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, the bystander approach is trying to give people tools
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.96,0:11:57.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to interrupt that process and to speak up
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.64,0:11:59.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to create a peer culture climate
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.49,0:12:01.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where the abusive behavior will be seen as unacceptable,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.68,0:12:05.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not just because it's illegal, but because it's wrong
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.11,0:12:07.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and unacceptable in the peer culture.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.01,0:12:09.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if we can get to the place where men
Dialogue: 0,0:12:09.13,0:12:11.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who act out in sexist ways will lose status,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.92,0:12:13.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,young men and boys who act out in sexist
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.85,0:12:15.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and harassing ways towards girls and women,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:15.45,0:12:17.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as well as towards other boys and men,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.16,0:12:20.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will lose status as a result of it, guess what?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.16,0:12:23.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We'll see a radical diminution of the abuse.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.26,0:12:25.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because the typical perpetrator is not sick and twisted.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:25.75,0:12:28.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's a normal guy in every other way. Isn't he?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.73,0:12:32.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, among the many great things that Martin Luther King
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.18,0:12:33.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,said in his short life was,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.54,0:12:35.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"In the end, what will hurt the most
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.34,0:12:37.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is not the words of our enemies
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.23,0:12:38.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the silence of our friends."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.97,0:12:41.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the end, what will hurt the most is not the words
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.09,0:12:43.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of our enemies but the silence of our friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.40,0:12:45.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's been an awful lot of silence in male culture
Dialogue: 0,0:12:45.50,0:12:48.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about this ongoing tragedy of men's violence
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.31,0:12:50.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,against women and children, hasn't there?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.39,0:12:51.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's been an awful lot of silence.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.81,0:12:55.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And all I'm saying is that we need to break that silence,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.22,0:12:57.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we need more men to do that.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.48,0:13:00.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, it's easier said than done,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.80,0:13:03.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I'm saying it now, but I'm telling you it's not easy
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.62,0:13:06.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in male culture for guys to challenge each other,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.31,0:13:08.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is one of the reasons why
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.03,0:13:10.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,part of the paradigm shift that has to happen
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.70,0:13:13.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is not just understanding these issues as men's issues,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.71,0:13:15.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but they're also leadership issues for men.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:15.95,0:13:18.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because ultimately, the responsibility for taking a stand
Dialogue: 0,0:13:18.53,0:13:20.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on these issues should not fall on the shoulders
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.21,0:13:23.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of little boys or teenage boys in high school
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.29,0:13:26.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or college men. It should be on adult men with power.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:26.69,0:13:29.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Adult men with power are the ones we need to be holding accountable
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.19,0:13:30.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for being leaders on these issues,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.66,0:13:33.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because when somebody speaks up in a peer culture
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.22,0:13:35.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and challenges and interrupts, he or she
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.91,0:13:38.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is being a leader, really, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.28,0:13:41.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But on a big scale, we need more adult men with power
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.57,0:13:43.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to start prioritizing these issues,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.73,0:13:45.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we haven't seen that yet, have we?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.98,0:13:49.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I was at a dinner a number of years ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.67,0:13:52.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I work extensively with the U.S. military, all the services.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.87,0:13:55.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was at this dinner and this woman said to me --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.96,0:13:58.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think she thought she was a little clever -- she said,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:58.71,0:14:01.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"So how long have you been doing sensitivity training
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.50,0:14:03.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the Marines?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.31,0:14:06.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "With all due respect,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:06.15,0:14:08.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't do sensitivity training with the Marines.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:08.93,0:14:11.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I run a leadership program in the Marine Corps."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.42,0:14:13.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I know it's a bit pompous, my response,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:13.22,0:14:16.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's an important distinction, because I don't believe
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.40,0:14:18.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that what we need is sensitivity training.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.38,0:14:20.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need leadership training, because, for example,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:20.48,0:14:23.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when a professional coach or a manager of a baseball team
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.64,0:14:26.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or a football team -- and I work extensively in that realm as well --
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.68,0:14:30.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,makes a sexist comment, makes a homophobic statement,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.38,0:14:32.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,makes a racist comment, there will be discussions
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.74,0:14:35.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the sports blogs and in sports talk radio.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:35.11,0:14:37.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And some people will say, "Well, he needs sensitivity training."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.24,0:14:38.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And other people will say, "Well get off it.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:38.83,0:14:40.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, that's political correctness run amok,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:40.82,0:14:42.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he made a stupid statement. Move on."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.86,0:14:45.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My argument is, he doesn't need sensitivity training.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.27,0:14:46.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He needs leadership training,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:46.90,0:14:49.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because he's being a bad leader, because in a society
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.47,0:14:52.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with gender diversity and sexual diversity --
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.28,0:14:53.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause) —
Dialogue: 0,0:14:53.86,0:14:55.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and racial and ethnic diversity, you make
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.48,0:14:57.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those kind of comments, you're failing at your leadership.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:57.70,0:15:00.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we can make this point that I'm making
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.70,0:15:03.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to powerful men and women in our society
Dialogue: 0,0:15:03.76,0:15:06.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at all levels of institutional authority and power,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:06.15,0:15:08.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's going to change, it's going to change
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.42,0:15:10.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the paradigm of people's thinking.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.49,0:15:12.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, for example, I work a lot
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.13,0:15:16.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in college and university athletics throughout North America.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.54,0:15:18.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We know so much about how to prevent
Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.52,0:15:20.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,domestic and sexual violence, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:20.93,0:15:24.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no excuse for a college or university
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.01,0:15:26.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to not have domestic and sexual violence prevention training
Dialogue: 0,0:15:26.89,0:15:29.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mandated for all student athletes, coaches, administrators,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.65,0:15:31.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as part of their educational process.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:31.93,0:15:34.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We know enough to know that we can easily do that.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:34.14,0:15:36.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you know what's missing? The leadership.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.51,0:15:38.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's not the leadership of student athletes.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.52,0:15:39.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the leadership of the athletic director,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:39.88,0:15:42.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the president of the university, the people in charge
Dialogue: 0,0:15:42.54,0:15:44.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who make decisions about resources
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.23,0:15:47.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and who make decisions about priorities in the institutional settings.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.19,0:15:51.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a failure, in most cases, of men's leadership.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:51.16,0:15:54.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at Penn State. Penn State is the mother
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.24,0:15:56.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of all teachable moments for the bystander approach.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:56.71,0:15:59.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You had so many situations in that realm
Dialogue: 0,0:15:59.15,0:16:02.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where men in powerful positions failed to act
Dialogue: 0,0:16:02.44,0:16:05.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to protect children, in this case, boys.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:05.01,0:16:07.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's unbelievable, really. But when you get into it,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.28,0:16:09.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you realize there are pressures on men.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:09.22,0:16:12.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are constraints within peer cultures on men,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.36,0:16:14.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is why we need to encourage men
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.67,0:16:16.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to break through those pressures.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:16.54,0:16:17.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And one of the ways to do that is to say
Dialogue: 0,0:16:17.87,0:16:20.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's an awful lot of men who care deeply about these issues.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:20.53,0:16:21.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know this. I work with men,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:21.98,0:16:23.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've been working with tens of thousands,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:23.51,0:16:26.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hundreds of thousands of men for many, many decades now.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:26.95,0:16:29.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's scary, when you think about it, how many years.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:29.85,0:16:33.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there's so many men who care deeply about these issues,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.70,0:16:35.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but caring deeply is not enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.62,0:16:38.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need more men with the guts,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:38.38,0:16:41.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the courage, with the strength, with the moral integrity
Dialogue: 0,0:16:41.62,0:16:45.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to break our complicit silence and challenge each other
Dialogue: 0,0:16:45.85,0:16:47.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and stand with women and not against them.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:47.66,0:16:49.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By the way, we owe it to women.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:49.91,0:16:50.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no question about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:50.100,0:16:52.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we also owe it to our sons.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:52.74,0:16:54.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We also owe it to young men who are growing up
Dialogue: 0,0:16:54.88,0:16:57.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all over the world in situations where they didn't make the choice
Dialogue: 0,0:16:57.91,0:17:00.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be a man in a culture that tells them
Dialogue: 0,0:17:00.05,0:17:01.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that manhood is a certain way.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:01.52,0:17:02.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They didn't make the choice.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:02.91,0:17:06.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We that have a choice have an opportunity
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.87,0:17:08.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a responsibility to them as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:08.50,0:17:11.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope that, going forward, men and women,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:11.62,0:17:13.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,working together, can begin the change
Dialogue: 0,0:17:13.66,0:17:15.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the transformation that will happen
Dialogue: 0,0:17:15.22,0:17:17.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that future generations won't have the level of tragedy
Dialogue: 0,0:17:17.88,0:17:19.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we deal with on a daily basis.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:19.30,0:17:21.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know we can do it. We can do better.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:21.34,0:17:23.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you very much. (Applause)