0:00:00.010,0:01:10.268
(Music)

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(Everett L Shostrom)Psychotherapy is such[br]a personal and private process

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that it is a mystery to most people[br]who have never gone through it

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The following series is a unique effort[br]that allows us to sit in

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on what is ordinarily[br]a very private therapeutic experience.

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An actual patient was courageous enough[br]and considerate enough

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to allow herself to be photographed

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while actually engaged in therapy with[br]three different therapists.

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Thus we're allowed the privilege[br]of seeing and feeling

0:01:47.340,0:01:49.195
feeling what really transpires.

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A film series like this,

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in which three therapists distinguished[br]by their different orientations

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share their therapeutic endeavors[br]has never been made before.

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We therefore wish to express our gratitude[br]to Gloria, the patient,

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and to her therapists for allowing us[br]to share in their therapeutic adventure

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This series will be divided into[br]three separate films.

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in the first film we see doctor Carl Rogers[br]founder of client-centered therapy

0:02:27.260,0:02:28.757
interviewing Gloria.

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In film number two, Dr. Frederick Perls,[br]founder of Gestalt therapy

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is working with her

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and in film number three[br]Dr. Albert Ellis,

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founder of rational-emotive therapy[br]is our therapist

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each therapist will first describe[br]his system of therapy briefly.

0:02:53.049,0:02:55.760
He will then demonstrate[br]his work with Gloria

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and then he will comment briefly[br]on his work

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Now here is Dr. Carl Rogers.

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(Carl Rogers) From my own years[br]of therapeutic experience,

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I have come to feel that[br]if I can create the proper climate,

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the proper relationship,[br]the proper conditions,

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a process of therapeutic movement will[br]almost inevitably occur in my client.

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You may ask: 'What is this climate?[br]What are these conditions?

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'Will they exist in the interview[br]with the woman I am about to talk with,

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'and whom I have never seen before?'

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Let me try to describe very briefly[br]what these conditions are as I see them.

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First of all, one question is,[br]can I be real in the relationship?

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This has come to have an increasing amount[br]of importance to me over the years.

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I feel that genuineness[br]is another way of describing

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the quality I would like to have.

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I like the term 'congruent', by which.[br]I mean that what I am experiencing inside

0:04:06.230,0:04:10.507
is present in my awareness and comes out[br]through my communication.

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In a sense, when I have this quality, [br]I am all in one piece in the relationship.

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There is another word[br]that describes it for me.

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I feel that in the relationship,[br]I would like to have a 'transparency.'

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I would be quite willing for my client[br]to see all the way through me,

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that there would be nothing,[br]nothing hidden.

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And when lam real in this fashion[br]that I'm trying to describe,

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then I know that my own feelings will often[br]bubble up into awareness

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and be expressed,

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but be expressed in ways that won't[br]impose themselves on my client.

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Then the second question I would have is,[br]will I find myself prizing this person,

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caring for this person?

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I certainly don't want to pretend[br]a caring that I don't feel.

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In fact, if I dislike my client[br]persistently,

0:05:07.170,0:05:09.500
I feel it is better, that I should express it.

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But I know that the process of therapy[br]is much more likely to occur

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and constructive change[br]is much more likely

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if I feel a real spontaneous prizing of[br]this individual with whom I'm working,

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a prizing of this person[br]as a separate individual.

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You can call that quality acceptance,[br]you can call it caring,

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you can call it a non-possessive love[br]if you wish.

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I think any of those terms[br]tend to describe it.

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I know that the relationship will prove[br]more constructive if it's present.

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Then the third quality:

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will I be able to understand[br]the inner world of this individual

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from the inside?

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And then will I be able to see it[br]through her eyes?

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Will I be able to be sufficiently sensitive

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to move around[br]inside the world of her feelings

0:06:07.081,0:06:09.783
so that I know what it feels like to be her,

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so that I can sense not only[br]the surface meanings,

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but some of the meanings that lie[br]somewhat underneath the surface.

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I know that if I can let myself[br]sensitively and accurately

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enter into her world of experience,

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then change and therapeutic movement[br]are much more likely.

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Well, suppose I am fortunate

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and that I do experience[br]some of these attitudes

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in the relationship, what then?

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Well, then a variety of things[br]are likely to happen.

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Both from my clinical experience[br]and from our research investigations

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we find that if attitudes of the sorts[br]that I have described are present,

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then quite a number of things will happen.

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She'll explore some of her feelings[br]and attitudes more deeply.

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She is likely to discover[br]some hidden aspects of herself

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that she wasn't aware of previously.

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Feeling herself prized by me,

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it is quite possible she'll come[br]to prize herself more.

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Feeling that some of her meanings[br]are understood by me,

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then she can more readily perhaps[br]listen to herself,

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listen to what is going on[br]within her own experience,

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listen to some of the meanings[br]she hasn't been able to catch before.

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And perhaps if she senses realness in me,

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she'll be able to be a little more real[br]within herself.

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I suspect there will be a change[br]in the manner of her expression,

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at least this has been my experience[br]in other instances.

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From being rather remote[br]from her experiencing,

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remote from what is going on within her,

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it's possible that she'll move toward[br]more immediacy of experiencing,

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that she will be able to sense and express[br]what's going on in her

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in the immediate moment

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From being disapproving of herself,[br]it is quite possible

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she will move toward a greater degree[br]of acceptance of herself.

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From somewhat of a fear of relating,

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she may move toward being able[br]to relate more directly

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and to encounter me more directly.

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From construing life in somewhat rigid[br]black and white patterns,'

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she may move toward more tentative ways[br]of construing her experience

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and of seeing the meanings in it.

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From a locus of evaluation[br]which is outside of herself,

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it is quite possible she will move[br]toward recognizing

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a greater capacity within herself for[br]making judgments and drawing conclusions.

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So those are the some of -- those are some[br]of the changes that we have.

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If I have any success in creating

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the kind of conditions that I described[br]initially,

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then we may be able to see[br]some of these changes in this client

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even though I know in advance that our[br]contact is going to be very brief. /////

0:09:29.940,0:09:32.910
good morning I'm curious you must be

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Barry yes I am I'm service chair no we

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have half an hour together and I really

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don't know what we'll be able to make of

0:09:45.750,0:09:48.260
it but I hope we can make something else

0:09:48.260,0:09:53.420
be glad to know whatever concerns you

0:09:53.420,0:09:57.000
well I'm right now I'm nervous but I

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feel more comfortable the way you're

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talking in a low voice oh I don't feel

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like you'll be so harsh on me but um I

0:10:03.480,0:10:08.370
hear the tremor in your voice ooh a the

0:10:08.370,0:10:11.010
main thing I want to talk to you about

0:10:11.010,0:10:16.530
is stuff I'm just newly divorced and I

0:10:16.530,0:10:19.470
had gone in therapy before and I felt

0:10:19.470,0:10:20.820
comfortable when I left and all of a

0:10:20.820,0:10:22.650
sudden now the biggest change is

0:10:22.650,0:10:26.850
adjusting to my single life and one of

0:10:26.850,0:10:28.380
the things that bother me the most is

0:10:28.380,0:10:30.090
especially manhe's and having men to the

0:10:30.090,0:10:31.680
house and how it affects the children

0:10:31.680,0:10:36.870
and the biggest thing I want the same

0:10:36.870,0:10:38.040
keeps coming to my mind I want to tell

0:10:38.040,0:10:40.890
you about yes I have a daughter 9 who at

0:10:40.890,0:10:42.840
one time I felt I had a lot of emotional

0:10:42.840,0:10:47.960
problems I wish I could stop shaking and

0:10:47.960,0:10:50.490
I real conscious of things affecting her

0:10:50.490,0:10:52.080
I don't want her to get upset I don't

0:10:52.080,0:10:54.570
want to shock her I want so bad for her

0:10:54.570,0:10:57.000
to accept me and will really open with

0:10:57.000,0:10:59.400
each other especially about sex and the

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other day she saw a girl that was saving

0:11:01.800,0:11:03.390
the pregnant and she asked me all about

0:11:03.390,0:11:04.590
teen girls get pregnant if they're

0:11:04.590,0:11:07.230
single and the conversation was fine and

0:11:07.230,0:11:09.240
I wasn't underneath at all with her

0:11:09.240,0:11:11.010
until she asked me if I'd ever made love

0:11:11.010,0:11:13.620
to a man since I've left her daddy and I

0:11:13.620,0:11:16.170
lied to her and ever since that it keeps

0:11:16.170,0:11:17.490
coming up to my mind cuz I feel so

0:11:17.490,0:11:18.690
guilty lying there there cuz I never

0:11:18.690,0:11:19.350
mind

0:11:19.350,0:11:21.810
wanted to trust me and I want I almost

0:11:21.810,0:11:23.280
want an answer from you I want you to

0:11:23.280,0:11:25.020
tell me if it will affect Iran if I told

0:11:25.020,0:11:28.320
her the truth or would and it is

0:11:28.320,0:11:30.420
concerned about her and the fact that

0:11:30.420,0:11:32.250
you really aren't that this open

0:11:32.250,0:11:33.720
relationship that has existed between

0:11:33.720,0:11:35.970
you and I you feel it kind of yes I feel

0:11:35.970,0:11:37.530
like I have to be on guard about that

0:11:37.530,0:11:39.780
because I didn't when I was a little

0:11:39.780,0:11:41.160
girl when I first found out my mother

0:11:41.160,0:11:42.660
father made love it was dirty and

0:11:42.660,0:11:44.340
terrible and I didn't I didn't like her

0:11:44.340,0:11:44.730
anymore

0:11:44.730,0:11:47.460
for a while and I don't want to lie to

0:11:47.460,0:11:49.520
pan me either and I don't know

0:11:49.520,0:11:51.840
sure wish I could give you the answer as

0:11:51.840,0:11:54.750
to what you should tell her all the

0:11:54.750,0:11:56.820
things you're going to say that because

0:11:56.820,0:11:59.190
what you really want is an answer I want

0:11:59.190,0:12:00.840
to especially know if it would affect

0:12:00.840,0:12:03.210
her if I was completely honest and open

0:12:03.210,0:12:04.830
with her or if it would affect her

0:12:04.830,0:12:06.570
because I lied I feel like it's bound to

0:12:06.570,0:12:08.750
make a strain because I lied to her

0:12:08.750,0:12:11.730
because she'll suspect that or she will

0:12:11.730,0:12:13.860
know something's not quite right fine

0:12:13.860,0:12:16.230
she'll distrust me yes and also I

0:12:16.230,0:12:17.370
thought would she what about when she

0:12:17.370,0:12:19.230
gets a little older and she finds

0:12:19.230,0:12:20.760
herself in touchy situation she probably

0:12:20.760,0:12:21.900
wouldn't want to get it to me because

0:12:21.900,0:12:23.430
she thinks I'm so good and so sweet and

0:12:23.430,0:12:25.380
yet I'm afraid she could think I'm

0:12:25.380,0:12:28.290
really a a devil and I want so bad for

0:12:28.290,0:12:30.390
it except me I don't know how much a

0:12:30.390,0:12:33.180
learner can take and we would both

0:12:33.180,0:12:34.860
alternatives concern you but you might

0:12:34.860,0:12:37.800
think you're too good or better than you

0:12:37.800,0:12:38.190
really are

0:12:38.190,0:12:40.380
yes she might think that you're worse

0:12:40.380,0:12:42.720
than you are not worse than I am

0:12:42.720,0:12:44.490
I don't know she can accept me the way I

0:12:44.490,0:12:47.010
I think I paint a picture that I'm all

0:12:47.010,0:12:49.230
sweet and motherly and I'm not ashamed

0:12:49.230,0:12:54.790
of my shady side too

0:12:54.790,0:12:58.999
it really cuts a little deeper if she

0:12:58.999,0:13:01.339
really knew you would she could she

0:13:01.339,0:13:03.979
accept you this is what I don't know yes

0:13:03.979,0:13:08.769
I don't want to turn away from me I

0:13:08.769,0:13:11.119
don't even know how I feel about it

0:13:11.119,0:13:12.679
because there are times when I feel so

0:13:12.679,0:13:14.479
guilty like when I have the wheel over I

0:13:14.479,0:13:17.059
even try to make a special setup so that

0:13:17.059,0:13:18.410
if I were ever along with them the

0:13:18.410,0:13:19.699
children would never catch me and that

0:13:19.699,0:13:21.799
sort of thing because I'm worried about

0:13:21.799,0:13:23.869
it and yet I also know I have these

0:13:23.869,0:13:27.669
desires let's click here it isn't only

0:13:27.669,0:13:30.410
her problem or the relationship with her

0:13:30.410,0:13:33.859
it's in you as well my guilt oh yeah I

0:13:33.859,0:13:36.259
forgive um so what can I accept myself

0:13:36.259,0:13:40.389
as doing yes and you realize that you

0:13:40.389,0:13:43.549
said observed subterfuges so as to make

0:13:43.549,0:13:46.489
sure that that you're not caught or

0:13:46.489,0:13:48.229
something you realize that you are

0:13:48.229,0:13:52.910
acting from guilt is it yes I don't like

0:13:52.910,0:13:54.739
the way I would like to feel comfortable

0:13:54.739,0:13:56.660
with whatever I do if I choose not to

0:13:56.660,0:13:57.769
tell family the truth to feel

0:13:57.769,0:13:59.239
comfortable that she can't handle it and

0:13:59.239,0:14:01.639
they don't I want to be honest and yet I

0:14:01.639,0:14:03.259
feel there are some areas but I don't

0:14:03.259,0:14:06.799
even accept if you can't accept them in

0:14:06.799,0:14:08.149
yourself how could you possibly be

0:14:08.149,0:14:09.619
comfortable and telling them to her

0:14:09.619,0:14:14.389
right and yet did you say you do have

0:14:14.389,0:14:15.919
these desires and you do have your

0:14:15.919,0:14:18.470
feelings but but you don't feel good

0:14:18.470,0:14:23.079
about

0:14:23.079,0:14:25.850
and I thought you're just gonna sit

0:14:25.850,0:14:27.290
there and let me experiment laughs I

0:14:27.290,0:14:33.050
want more I want you to help me get rid

0:14:33.050,0:14:34.820
of my guilt feeling if I can get rid of

0:14:34.820,0:14:36.649
my guilt feeling about lying or going to

0:14:36.649,0:14:38.180
bed with a single man any of that just

0:14:38.180,0:14:41.240
so I can feel more comfortable and I

0:14:41.240,0:14:43.250
guess I'd like to say no I don't want to

0:14:43.250,0:14:45.320
let's just steal in your feelings but on

0:14:45.320,0:14:48.380
the other hand I also feel that this is

0:14:48.380,0:14:50.300
the kind of very private thing that I

0:14:50.300,0:14:53.300
couldn't possibly answer for you that I

0:14:53.300,0:14:54.829
assure is anything we'll try to help you

0:14:54.829,0:14:59.180
work toward your own answer I don't know

0:14:59.180,0:15:00.980
whether that makes any sense to you but

0:15:00.980,0:15:03.920
I mean it well I appreciate you saying

0:15:03.920,0:15:07.699
that you sound like you mean it but I

0:15:07.699,0:15:08.480
don't know where to go

0:15:08.480,0:15:10.279
I don't begin to know where to go I

0:15:10.279,0:15:11.990
thought that I'd pretty well worked over

0:15:11.990,0:15:13.610
most of my guilt and now that this is

0:15:13.610,0:15:15.829
coming up I'm disappointed in myself

0:15:15.829,0:15:19.070
I really am I want I like it when I feel

0:15:19.070,0:15:20.570
that no matter what I do even if it's

0:15:20.570,0:15:23.120
against my own morals or my upbringing

0:15:23.120,0:15:25.490
but I can still feel good about me

0:15:25.490,0:15:28.250
and now I don't like there's a girl at

0:15:28.250,0:15:31.070
work who sort of mothers me and she just

0:15:31.070,0:15:33.230
she I think she thinks I'm all sweet and

0:15:33.230,0:15:35.329
I sure don't want to show my more ornery

0:15:35.329,0:15:36.920
devilish side with her I want to be

0:15:36.920,0:15:38.720
sweet and it's so hard for me to to

0:15:38.720,0:15:40.519
selfie so nil again it's so

0:15:40.519,0:15:42.440
disappointing yeah I get the

0:15:42.440,0:15:43.970
disappointment that here a lot of these

0:15:43.970,0:15:45.670
things you thought you'd work through

0:15:45.670,0:15:48.260
and now the guilts and a feeling that

0:15:48.260,0:15:50.180
only a part of you is acceptable to

0:15:50.180,0:15:59.820
anybody else yeah that keeps coming out

0:15:59.820,0:16:03.750
I guess I could catch the real deep

0:16:03.750,0:16:06.420
puzzlement that you feel as to what the

0:16:06.420,0:16:09.870
hell shall I do yes and you know what I

0:16:09.870,0:16:12.930
can find doctor is that everything I

0:16:12.930,0:16:15.090
start to do that I impulse it seems

0:16:15.090,0:16:17.370
natural to tell Pierre or to go out on a

0:16:17.370,0:16:18.680
day or something

0:16:18.680,0:16:20.610
uncomfortable until I think how I was

0:16:20.610,0:16:22.680
affected as a child and the minute that

0:16:22.680,0:16:26.430
comes up and I'm all haywire like I want

0:16:26.430,0:16:28.290
to be a good mother so bad and I feel

0:16:28.290,0:16:29.970
like I have a good mother but then

0:16:29.970,0:16:32.160
there's those little exceptions like my

0:16:32.160,0:16:33.930
guilts with working I want to work and

0:16:33.930,0:16:35.610
it's so fun having extra money I like to

0:16:35.610,0:16:37.290
work nice the minute I think I'm not

0:16:37.290,0:16:38.640
being real good to the children are

0:16:38.640,0:16:40.020
giving them enough time then I start

0:16:40.020,0:16:41.940
feeling guilty again then that's when I

0:16:41.940,0:16:43.740
get some what do they call it a double

0:16:43.740,0:16:45.180
line that's just what it feels like I

0:16:45.180,0:16:46.920
want to do this and it feels right but

0:16:46.920,0:16:48.090
after all I'm not being a good mother

0:16:48.090,0:16:49.230
and I want to be both

0:16:49.230,0:16:51.510
I'm coming more and more aware of what a

0:16:51.510,0:16:53.220
perfectionist I am that's what it seems

0:16:53.220,0:16:55.080
like I want to be so perfect you know I

0:16:55.080,0:16:57.090
want to become perfect in my standards

0:16:57.090,0:16:59.850
or not have that need anymore or I guess

0:16:59.850,0:17:03.090
I hear it a little differently that what

0:17:03.090,0:17:05.819
you want us to seem perfect but it means

0:17:05.819,0:17:09.780
a great matter of great importance to

0:17:09.780,0:17:12.630
you to be a good mother and you want to

0:17:12.630,0:17:14.400
seem to be a good mother even if some of

0:17:14.400,0:17:17.970
your actual feelings differ from them is

0:17:17.970,0:17:19.800
it okay yeah I feel like I'm saying that

0:17:19.800,0:17:22.770
no that is what I feel really I want to

0:17:22.770,0:17:25.230
approve of me always but my actions

0:17:25.230,0:17:29.770
won't let me I want to prove with me

0:17:29.770,0:17:34.480
I realize you alright let me understand

0:17:34.480,0:17:37.990
it the sound of your actions are kind of

0:17:37.990,0:17:39.640
outside of you you want to approve of

0:17:39.640,0:17:44.110
you but what you do somehow won't let

0:17:44.110,0:17:49.990
you approve of your site like I feel but

0:17:49.990,0:17:51.640
I could approve with myself regarding

0:17:51.640,0:17:54.640
for example my sex life it is the big

0:17:54.640,0:17:56.920
thing if I really fell in love the man

0:17:56.920,0:17:59.020
and I respected him and I adored him I

0:17:59.020,0:18:00.850
don't think I feel so guilty

0:18:00.850,0:18:02.410
going to bed with him I don't think I'd

0:18:02.410,0:18:03.790
have to make up any excuses to the

0:18:03.790,0:18:04.929
children because they could see my

0:18:04.929,0:18:07.179
natural caring form but when they have

0:18:07.179,0:18:09.370
the physical desire and I'll say over

0:18:09.370,0:18:10.000
why not

0:18:10.000,0:18:12.550
and I want to anyway then I feel guilty

0:18:12.550,0:18:14.260
afterwards I hate pleasing the kids I

0:18:14.260,0:18:15.730
don't like looking at myself and I

0:18:15.730,0:18:18.160
really enjoy it and this is what I mean

0:18:18.160,0:18:20.170
if the circumstances would be different

0:18:20.170,0:18:21.550
I don't think it's also guilty because I

0:18:21.550,0:18:24.640
feel right about it yeah I guess I hear

0:18:24.640,0:18:26.770
you saying if if what I was doing when I

0:18:26.770,0:18:28.210
went to bed with a man was really

0:18:28.210,0:18:30.580
genuine and full of love and respect and

0:18:30.580,0:18:33.040
so on I wouldn't feel guilty in relation

0:18:33.040,0:18:35.500
to Pam I wouldn't I really would be

0:18:35.500,0:18:37.600
comfortable about that so I said yes and

0:18:37.600,0:18:39.970
I know that sounds like I want a perfect

0:18:39.970,0:18:42.700
situation but that is how I feel and in

0:18:42.700,0:18:44.410
the meantime I can't stop these desires

0:18:44.410,0:18:46.840
I've tried that also I've tried saying

0:18:46.840,0:18:48.490
okay I don't like myself when I do that

0:18:48.490,0:18:51.100
so I would do it anymore but then I

0:18:51.100,0:18:52.540
resent the children I think why should

0:18:52.540,0:18:53.860
they stop me from doing what I want and

0:18:53.860,0:18:59.600
it's really not that bad

0:18:59.600,0:19:02.270
that I guess I heard just saying - that

0:19:02.270,0:19:06.470
wasn't only the

0:19:06.470,0:19:09.230
that I guess I heard you saying to them

0:19:09.230,0:19:11.990
isn't only the children you don't like

0:19:11.990,0:19:14.269
it as well honey it really isn't I'm

0:19:14.269,0:19:16.370
sure that I know that's it probably even

0:19:16.370,0:19:19.309
more so than I'm aware of that I all

0:19:19.309,0:19:20.929
love it so much when I pick it up in the

0:19:20.929,0:19:24.940
children then I can also moans in myself

0:19:24.940,0:19:30.379
somehow sometimes you kind of feel like

0:19:30.379,0:19:32.500
blaming in for the feelings you have and

0:19:32.500,0:19:35.750
why should they cut you off from a

0:19:35.750,0:19:39.320
normal sex life well a sex life I could

0:19:39.320,0:19:40.850
say not rule because there is something

0:19:40.850,0:19:42.919
about me that says that smell they don't

0:19:42.919,0:19:46.009
think to just go into sex because you

0:19:46.009,0:19:47.840
feel physically attractive or something

0:19:47.840,0:19:50.570
or a physical need so something about it

0:19:50.570,0:19:56.259
tells me that's not quite right anyway

0:19:56.259,0:20:00.590
it's akhil really the times you're

0:20:00.590,0:20:02.750
acting in ways that are not in occurred

0:20:02.750,0:20:05.679
with your own inner standards right

0:20:05.679,0:20:09.649
great but then we're also saying a

0:20:09.649,0:20:11.480
minute ago but to feel you can't help

0:20:11.480,0:20:11.779
that

0:20:11.779,0:20:15.590
yeah I wish I could that's it and I

0:20:15.590,0:20:17.690
can't now I feel like I can't control

0:20:17.690,0:20:19.250
myself as well as I could have before

0:20:19.250,0:20:21.440
for a specific reason now I can't I just

0:20:21.440,0:20:23.149
let go and I have there's too many

0:20:23.149,0:20:24.470
things I do wrong that I have to feel

0:20:24.470,0:20:29.640
guilty for and I sure don't like that

0:20:29.640,0:20:32.130
I want you very much to give me a direct

0:20:32.130,0:20:33.750
answer and I'm going to ask it and I

0:20:33.750,0:20:36.059
don't expect a direct answer but I want

0:20:36.059,0:20:40.049
to know do you feel that to me the most

0:20:40.049,0:20:41.760
important thing is to be open and honest

0:20:41.760,0:20:43.590
and if I can be able to notice with my

0:20:43.590,0:20:45.270
joy do you feel that it could handle

0:20:45.270,0:20:47.130
them if for example I could say to PME I

0:20:47.130,0:20:49.920
was I felt bad lying to the PME and I

0:20:49.920,0:20:51.480
want to tell you the truth now and if I

0:20:51.480,0:20:54.150
tell her the truth and she shocked at me

0:20:54.150,0:20:55.980
which she's upset but that could bother

0:20:55.980,0:21:00.179
her more I want to get rid of my job so

0:21:00.179,0:21:01.260
that will help me but I don't want to

0:21:01.260,0:21:04.110
put him on her okay he thought I could

0:21:04.110,0:21:09.270
hurt her I'm sorry I guess I'm sure this

0:21:09.270,0:21:11.070
will sound evasive to you but it seems

0:21:11.070,0:21:13.410
to me that perhaps the person you're not

0:21:13.410,0:21:19.860
being fully honest glib is you because I

0:21:19.860,0:21:21.540
was very much struck by the fact that

0:21:21.540,0:21:25.200
you were saying if I feel all right

0:21:25.200,0:21:28.230
about what I have done but it's going to

0:21:28.230,0:21:30.299
beg you the man or what if I really feel

0:21:30.299,0:21:32.460
all right about it then I don't have any

0:21:32.460,0:21:34.620
concern about what I would tell him or

0:21:34.620,0:21:38.100
all my relationships with me right all

0:21:38.100,0:21:47.230
right then I hear what you're saying

0:21:47.230,0:21:49.510
then all right then I want to work on I

0:21:49.510,0:21:51.909
want to work on accepting me them I want

0:21:51.909,0:21:54.389
to work on feeling all right about it

0:21:54.389,0:21:56.679
now that makes sense that that will come

0:21:56.679,0:21:57.880
natural and then I will have to worry

0:21:57.880,0:22:01.690
about him but when things don't seem so

0:22:01.690,0:22:03.100
wrong for me and I have an impostor

0:22:03.100,0:22:09.820
driven how can I accept that what you'd

0:22:09.820,0:22:12.460
like to do is to feel more accepting

0:22:12.460,0:22:15.010
toward yourself when you do things that

0:22:15.010,0:22:17.679
you feel are wrong right

0:22:17.679,0:22:22.480
I feel like like I'm saying yeah I feel

0:22:22.480,0:22:23.590
like you're going to say no why do you

0:22:23.590,0:22:26.620
think they're wrong and I have mixed

0:22:26.620,0:22:28.899
feelings there too to therapy I'll say

0:22:28.899,0:22:30.669
no look I know this is natural women

0:22:30.669,0:22:32.110
feel it sure we don't talk about a lot

0:22:32.110,0:22:34.419
socially so all women fill it in it's

0:22:34.419,0:22:36.190
very natural I've had sex for the last

0:22:36.190,0:22:38.230
11 years and of course going to want it

0:22:38.230,0:22:40.389
but I still think it's wrong unless

0:22:40.389,0:22:42.070
you're really truly in love with a man

0:22:42.070,0:22:46.149
and my body doesn't seem to agree that's

0:22:46.149,0:22:49.149
why I don't know how to accept it sounds

0:22:49.149,0:22:52.210
like a triangle to me doesn't it you

0:22:52.210,0:22:55.389
feel that I or therapists in general or

0:22:55.389,0:22:57.399
other people say it's alright it's

0:22:57.399,0:23:01.750
alright natural huh go ahead and I guess

0:23:01.750,0:23:03.789
you feel your body sort of lines up on

0:23:03.789,0:23:05.950
that side of the picture but something

0:23:05.950,0:23:09.519
in you says but I don't like it that way

0:23:09.519,0:23:13.290
not much it's really right

0:23:13.290,0:23:28.830
right

0:23:28.830,0:23:34.590
I have a hopeful sign those are all the

0:23:34.590,0:23:36.330
things I sorted for myself and I feel

0:23:36.330,0:23:41.850
the okay now what if you this is the

0:23:41.850,0:23:44.460
conflict and it's just being soluble and

0:23:44.460,0:23:47.130
therefore its focus and here you look to

0:23:47.130,0:23:48.660
me and I don't seem to give you any help

0:23:48.660,0:23:52.860
than what I am I really really can't

0:23:52.860,0:23:54.240
answer for me I have to figure it out

0:23:54.240,0:23:56.070
myself but I want you to guide me or

0:23:56.070,0:23:59.550
show me where to start or so it won't

0:23:59.550,0:24:02.640
look so hopeless I know I can keep

0:24:02.640,0:24:03.930
living with this conflict and I know

0:24:03.930,0:24:05.550
eventually things would work out but I

0:24:05.550,0:24:07.230
like feeling more comfortable with the

0:24:07.230,0:24:13.970
way I live

0:24:13.970,0:24:16.800
anything I meant is what is it you wish

0:24:16.800,0:24:21.000
I would say to you I wish you would say

0:24:21.000,0:24:23.030
to me

0:24:23.030,0:24:27.590
to be honest and take the risk that Pam

0:24:27.590,0:24:31.130
is going to accept me and I also have a

0:24:31.130,0:24:32.570
feeling if I could really risk it with

0:24:32.570,0:24:35.510
Pammy of all people that I'd be able to

0:24:35.510,0:24:36.950
see here's this little kid that can

0:24:36.950,0:24:38.930
accept me and under they know about that

0:24:38.930,0:24:40.640
if she really knows what a demon I am

0:24:40.640,0:24:42.530
and still loves me and accepts me it

0:24:42.530,0:24:43.910
seems like it would help me to accept me

0:24:43.910,0:24:45.460
more like it's really not that bad I

0:24:45.460,0:24:47.690
want you to say to go ahead and be

0:24:47.690,0:24:51.260
honest but I don't want any sponsor

0:24:51.260,0:24:54.230
berry but it would upset her that's

0:24:54.230,0:24:56.590
right I might be something you know yeah

0:24:56.590,0:24:59.600
you know very well what you'd like to do

0:24:59.600,0:25:01.910
in relationship you would like to be

0:25:01.910,0:25:04.220
yourself and you'd like to have her know

0:25:04.220,0:25:06.170
that you're not perfect and do things

0:25:06.170,0:25:08.300
that maybe even she wouldn't approval to

0:25:08.300,0:25:10.120
disapprove of to some degree yourself

0:25:10.120,0:25:14.600
but that somehow she would love you and

0:25:14.600,0:25:19.110
accept you as an imperfect person

0:25:19.110,0:25:21.179
like I wonder if my mother had been more

0:25:21.179,0:25:22.679
open with world maybe I would have had

0:25:22.679,0:25:25.230
such a narrow attitude about sex if I

0:25:25.230,0:25:26.549
would have thought that she could be you

0:25:26.549,0:25:29.070
know pretty sexy and corny and devilish

0:25:29.070,0:25:30.779
too but I would look at her as being

0:25:30.779,0:25:32.639
such a sweet mother than she could also

0:25:32.639,0:25:34.169
be the other side but she didn't talk

0:25:34.169,0:25:36.269
about that maybe that's where I got my

0:25:36.269,0:25:37.860
picture I don't know but I want Tami to

0:25:37.860,0:25:40.679
see me as a full woman but also accept

0:25:40.679,0:25:45.679
me you know it's not so I'm certain I

0:25:45.679,0:25:50.850
don't do you mean what I mean is you've

0:25:50.850,0:25:52.470
been sitting there telling me just what

0:25:52.470,0:25:53.909
you would like to do in that

0:25:53.909,0:25:59.220
relationship with him I would but I

0:25:59.220,0:26:00.960
don't quite take the risk of doing it

0:26:00.960,0:26:04.739
Leslie already tells me that yes I guess

0:26:04.739,0:26:07.889
one thing that I feel very keenly is

0:26:07.889,0:26:20.560
it's an awfully risky thing to live

0:26:20.560,0:26:22.660
maybe taking a chance on your

0:26:22.660,0:26:26.230
relationship with her taking a chance on

0:26:26.230,0:26:36.220
letting her know who you were really

0:26:36.220,0:26:38.890
even if I don't take a chance if I still

0:26:38.890,0:26:40.270
have an accepted buyer I'm never going

0:26:40.270,0:26:45.160
to sell it about it anyway if your love

0:26:45.160,0:26:48.610
and acceptance of you is based on a

0:26:48.610,0:26:51.850
false picture of you what the hell is

0:26:51.850,0:26:57.490
the good of that but I also feeling a

0:26:57.490,0:27:00.490
lot of responsibility with being a

0:27:00.490,0:27:00.820
mother

0:27:00.820,0:27:03.100
what Idol I don't want to feel like I've

0:27:03.100,0:27:04.780
caused any big traumas and the children

0:27:04.780,0:27:06.130
they don't like all that responsibility

0:27:06.130,0:27:08.380
that's what I don't like feeling it

0:27:08.380,0:27:12.040
could be my fault because that's what I

0:27:12.040,0:27:17.860
meant when I said life is risky to take

0:27:17.860,0:27:20.260
the responsibility for being a person

0:27:20.260,0:27:22.870
you would like to be with her is a

0:27:22.870,0:27:26.590
however responsibility it is a very

0:27:26.590,0:27:30.010
frightening the only way I look at it

0:27:30.010,0:27:32.200
two ways I like to see myself as being

0:27:32.200,0:27:34.480
so honest with the kids and really being

0:27:34.480,0:27:35.830
proud of myself though that no matter

0:27:35.830,0:27:37.810
what I told them or no matter how bad

0:27:37.810,0:27:39.460
they may think I was I was honest and

0:27:39.460,0:27:41.560
down deep it's going to be a much more

0:27:41.560,0:27:43.720
wholesome relationship and yet you know

0:27:43.720,0:27:45.790
I get jealous like when they're with

0:27:45.790,0:27:48.430
their daddy I feel he's more flip he's

0:27:48.430,0:27:49.960
not quite as real he's not quite as

0:27:49.960,0:27:51.910
honest but nevertheless they see a sweet

0:27:51.910,0:27:52.930
picture of their dad

0:27:52.930,0:27:54.610
you know mozell Phyllis tonight and I'm

0:27:54.610,0:27:56.710
envious of that too I want them to see

0:27:56.710,0:27:58.730
was just too sweet if they see him

0:27:58.730,0:28:00.520
I know he's not quite as well with them

0:28:00.520,0:28:02.660
so it seems like I've got to swap the

0:28:02.660,0:28:05.090
one for the other and I know this is

0:28:05.090,0:28:07.490
really what I want the most but I miss

0:28:07.490,0:28:12.140
some of that glory so feel I want them

0:28:12.140,0:28:14.300
to have just as nice a picture of me as

0:28:14.300,0:28:16.310
the head of their dad that is a little

0:28:16.310,0:28:17.390
funny

0:28:17.390,0:28:19.760
then maybe nine I'll have to be - I

0:28:19.760,0:28:21.140
think that's putting a little too strong

0:28:21.140,0:28:27.290
that's close I just bring me I know she

0:28:27.290,0:28:29.030
can have that literature of me if I were

0:28:29.030,0:28:32.180
honest decide that I do go I'm Luna

0:28:32.180,0:28:34.550
honored and dad anyway so I'm like you

0:28:34.550,0:28:38.830
do more things that they disapprove of

0:28:38.830,0:28:41.420
sounds are you really find it quite hard

0:28:41.420,0:28:44.810
to believe what they would really love

0:28:44.810,0:28:47.960
you if they knew that's right you know

0:28:47.960,0:28:52.090
that's exactly it before therapy

0:28:52.090,0:28:54.250
who she cares about need a picture of me

0:28:54.250,0:28:57.400
if I were honest the fact that I do go

0:28:57.400,0:28:59.350
on loan will honor their dad anyway

0:28:59.350,0:29:01.330
unlikely bill more things that said

0:29:01.330,0:29:06.760
disapproval so you really find it quite

0:29:06.760,0:29:10.060
hard to believe but they would really

0:29:10.060,0:29:13.030
love you if they knew you that's right

0:29:13.030,0:29:14.410
you know that's exactly it

0:29:14.410,0:29:16.810
before therapy I would have definitely

0:29:16.810,0:29:19.000
chosen the other area I'm going to get

0:29:19.000,0:29:21.100
respect remain no matter what even if I

0:29:21.100,0:29:21.760
have to lie

0:29:21.760,0:29:24.070
alright now I know that's not true and

0:29:24.070,0:29:25.690
I'm not positive

0:29:25.690,0:29:27.880
they'll truly accept me something tells

0:29:27.880,0:29:29.200
me they will I know diva but I'm not

0:29:29.200,0:29:29.680
positive

0:29:29.680,0:29:32.740
I'll agree sure I keep wanting this in

0:29:32.740,0:29:35.830
kind of a no-man's land of probably

0:29:35.830,0:29:37.930
shifting from one point of view to them

0:29:37.930,0:29:39.850
to another that boy I'd sure like

0:29:39.850,0:29:41.710
somebody to say that's right you go

0:29:41.710,0:29:43.330
ahead and do it yes that's why I get

0:29:43.330,0:29:44.650
encouraged when I read in a book from

0:29:44.650,0:29:46.690
somebody I respect and admire but this

0:29:46.690,0:29:47.800
is the right thing no matter what

0:29:47.800,0:29:49.450
honesty will win out well then that

0:29:49.450,0:29:50.920
keeps giving with compliments by gosh

0:29:50.920,0:29:55.690
and right it it's a damn hard day really

0:29:55.690,0:29:58.150
choose something on their own isn't it

0:29:58.150,0:30:00.340
which makes me feel very immature I

0:30:00.340,0:30:01.840
don't like this I mean I wish I were

0:30:01.840,0:30:03.460
great live enough for mature enough to

0:30:03.460,0:30:05.740
make my decisions we stick by them but I

0:30:05.740,0:30:07.660
need somebody to help me on somebody to

0:30:07.660,0:30:12.180
push me

0:30:12.180,0:30:15.220
so she can approach yourself for that I

0:30:15.220,0:30:18.400
guess until why if I was anybody if I

0:30:18.400,0:30:20.350
was grown up I'd be mature enough to

0:30:20.350,0:30:24.390
decide things like this price them right

0:30:24.390,0:30:27.430
and take more risk I wish that take more

0:30:27.430,0:30:30.370
risks I wish that I could just go ahead

0:30:30.370,0:30:31.750
and be this with any however the

0:30:31.750,0:30:33.400
children go up I've done with this I

0:30:33.400,0:30:34.510
didn't have to constantly have this

0:30:34.510,0:30:36.820
conflict and I glide Satan used to say

0:30:36.820,0:30:38.410
no matter what you ask me kids at least

0:30:38.410,0:30:39.610
I told you the truth you may not have

0:30:39.610,0:30:41.350
liked it but it's been the truth that's

0:30:41.350,0:30:44.860
all now I can admire I just respect

0:30:44.860,0:30:46.660
people that lie I hate it so you see

0:30:46.660,0:30:48.190
what a good learner I am is I hate

0:30:48.190,0:30:50.020
myself if I'm bad but I also hate myself

0:30:50.020,0:30:50.970
if I lie

0:30:50.970,0:30:54.310
so it's accepting you want to become

0:30:54.310,0:31:00.640
more accepting I guess judging here tone

0:31:00.640,0:31:02.260
of voice you sound as when you hate

0:31:02.260,0:31:04.930
yourself more when you live and do in

0:31:04.930,0:31:07.600
terms of things you disappear really I

0:31:07.600,0:31:09.700
do because this was really bothered me

0:31:09.700,0:31:11.020
this happen with family about a month

0:31:11.020,0:31:12.790
ago and it keeps coming to learn I don't

0:31:12.790,0:31:14.200
know whether to go back and talk to her

0:31:14.200,0:31:14.680
about it

0:31:14.680,0:31:16.840
oh wait she may have even forgotten what

0:31:16.840,0:31:19.960
she asked me that though everyone does

0:31:19.960,0:31:24.160
you haven't forgotten I have no I like

0:31:24.160,0:31:25.450
at least be able to tell her this I

0:31:25.450,0:31:27.430
remember lying and I'm sorry lied and

0:31:27.430,0:31:33.790
it's been driving me bugs because I did

0:31:33.790,0:31:36.010
I don't know I feel like now that's

0:31:36.010,0:31:37.750
solved and I don't even solve a thing

0:31:37.750,0:31:44.410
but I feel relieved I am I just feel

0:31:44.410,0:31:46.570
like you've been saying to me you're not

0:31:46.570,0:31:48.250
giving me advice but I feel like you're

0:31:48.250,0:31:50.980
saying you really want to know what

0:31:50.980,0:31:52.630
pattern you want to follow Gloria and go

0:31:52.630,0:31:54.280
ahead and follow it that's what I feel

0:31:54.280,0:31:58.120
stacking up for you I guess the way I

0:31:58.120,0:32:02.440
sense it is you've been telling me that

0:32:02.440,0:32:05.230
you know what you want to do and yes I

0:32:05.230,0:32:07.270
do believe in backing up people and what

0:32:07.270,0:32:12.820
they want to do just a little different

0:32:12.820,0:32:17.690
slant from the way it seems to you

0:32:17.690,0:32:19.850
are you tell me one thing that concerns

0:32:19.850,0:32:24.110
me it's no damn good you're doing

0:32:24.110,0:32:28.130
something that you haven't really chosen

0:32:28.130,0:32:30.850
to do that's why I'm trying to help you

0:32:30.850,0:32:33.650
find out what's your own inner choices

0:32:33.650,0:32:39.050
in and there's also a conflict there

0:32:39.050,0:32:41.000
because I'm not really positive what I

0:32:41.000,0:32:43.100
want to do the lying part yes but I'm

0:32:43.100,0:32:44.750
not positive what I want to do when I go

0:32:44.750,0:32:46.910
against myself like when I bring in the

0:32:46.910,0:32:48.560
end of the house I'm not sure I want to

0:32:48.560,0:32:50.210
do that if I feel guilty afterwards

0:32:50.210,0:32:54.670
unless not really wanted to just to say

0:32:54.670,0:32:56.690
just sure which words you use but you

0:32:56.690,0:32:58.160
don't want it you don't like yourself or

0:32:58.160,0:32:59.690
you don't agree with it when you do

0:32:59.690,0:33:06.430
something against yourself

0:33:06.430,0:33:08.650
you know this is so different now this

0:33:08.650,0:33:09.640
kind of thing that we're talking about

0:33:09.640,0:33:10.210
now

0:33:10.210,0:33:11.410
it isn't just knowing whether you want

0:33:11.410,0:33:12.760
to do something or not if I want to go

0:33:12.760,0:33:13.870
to work in the morning or I don't want

0:33:13.870,0:33:15.820
to go to look that's easy but when I

0:33:15.820,0:33:17.650
find myself doing something I don't feel

0:33:17.650,0:33:19.780
comfortable with I automatically say if

0:33:19.780,0:33:21.280
you're not comfortable glory it's not

0:33:21.280,0:33:22.510
right something's wrong

0:33:22.510,0:33:24.310
all right now what I want to ask you is

0:33:24.310,0:33:26.080
how can I know which is the strongest

0:33:26.080,0:33:27.670
because I do it does that mean that the

0:33:27.670,0:33:30.790
strongest and yet if I disapprove that's

0:33:30.790,0:33:31.900
just part of the thing that's got to go

0:33:31.900,0:33:34.690
on with it see it sounds like you I'm

0:33:34.690,0:33:36.280
picking up a contradiction I'm letting

0:33:36.280,0:33:38.400
you know falling

0:33:38.400,0:33:41.380
some of you feeling a contradiction in

0:33:41.380,0:33:44.860
yourself team oh you what I heard you

0:33:44.860,0:33:48.640
saying in part is the way you like it

0:33:48.640,0:33:50.200
is when you feel really comfortable

0:33:50.200,0:33:53.350
about what you're doing yes and I have

0:33:53.350,0:33:55.590
at times when I've made a decision

0:33:55.590,0:33:57.670
now that seems right that feels

0:33:57.670,0:33:59.320
perfectly right no conflict but then

0:33:59.320,0:34:01.660
there are times I do things that I feel

0:34:01.660,0:34:03.250
uncomfortable with so that there is the

0:34:03.250,0:34:06.930
conflict there it's not the same at all

0:34:06.930,0:34:09.280
so what I'm saying is how I really know

0:34:09.280,0:34:10.810
when I'm falling my true feelings if I

0:34:10.810,0:34:12.340
have conflicts afterwards or guilt

0:34:12.340,0:34:15.610
afterwards I see because in the moment

0:34:15.610,0:34:16.960
that may seem like your true feelings

0:34:16.960,0:34:21.480
yes like if I'm starting to do it okay

0:34:21.480,0:34:26.580
so it really is tough

0:34:26.580,0:34:29.590
and if you feel comfortable in a moment

0:34:29.590,0:34:31.418
about it but then after it don't feel at

0:34:31.418,0:34:34.389
all comfortable which course of action

0:34:34.389,0:34:35.469
is really the one you should have

0:34:35.469,0:34:37.389
followed the most outstanding thing I

0:34:37.389,0:34:38.679
don't know if you follow me when I say

0:34:38.679,0:34:40.510
about this conflict the one thing I know

0:34:40.510,0:34:42.460
is I boil it for example to leave my

0:34:42.460,0:34:44.440
husband for quite a few years I never

0:34:44.440,0:34:46.000
did it I kept thinking how nice it would

0:34:46.000,0:34:47.530
be or how scary it would be but I never

0:34:47.530,0:34:49.600
did it and all of a sudden when I did it

0:34:49.600,0:34:51.429
felt right I didn't feel mean toward him

0:34:51.429,0:34:52.869
I just knew this is what I had to do

0:34:52.869,0:34:55.000
that's what I know and following myself

0:34:55.000,0:34:57.250
I'm fine my feelings completely had no

0:34:57.250,0:34:59.200
conflict there some of the happy things

0:34:59.200,0:35:01.000
came from it but I still had no conflict

0:35:01.000,0:35:02.860
that to me is will in following my

0:35:02.860,0:35:05.500
feelings and in everyday life the small

0:35:05.500,0:35:06.970
little decisions the small little things

0:35:06.970,0:35:08.550
to do don't come out that clear at all

0:35:08.550,0:35:11.860
so many conflicts coming if it's natural

0:35:11.860,0:35:14.770
although you're saying I expect it is

0:35:14.770,0:35:17.410
but but you're saying TV you know

0:35:17.410,0:35:19.060
perfectly well of feeling within

0:35:19.060,0:35:21.970
yourself that occurs when you're really

0:35:21.970,0:35:24.880
doing something it's right for you I do

0:35:24.880,0:35:28.660
I do and I miss that feeling other times

0:35:28.660,0:35:31.690
it's better way a clue to me you can

0:35:31.690,0:35:33.010
really listen to yourself sometimes

0:35:33.010,0:35:35.740
realize no no this isn't the vague

0:35:35.740,0:35:38.170
feeling this isn't this isn't the way I

0:35:38.170,0:35:40.270
would feel if I was doing that I

0:35:40.270,0:35:42.370
we wanted to do but yet many times I'll

0:35:42.370,0:35:43.570
go along and do it anyway

0:35:43.570,0:35:45.640
and say oh well I'm in the situation

0:35:45.640,0:35:51.100
I'll just remember next time I mentioned

0:35:51.100,0:35:52.810
this one a lot in therapy and most

0:35:52.810,0:35:54.070
therapists granite knee or gig or

0:35:54.070,0:35:55.900
something when I say utopia but when I

0:35:55.900,0:35:57.790
do fall or feeling and I feel this good

0:35:57.790,0:35:59.590
feeling inside me that's sort of utopia

0:35:59.590,0:36:01.090
that's what I mean that's the way I like

0:36:01.090,0:36:02.650
to feel whether it's a bad thing or a

0:36:02.650,0:36:05.520
good thing but I feel right about me

0:36:05.520,0:36:08.830
that's what you'll knows utopian moments

0:36:08.830,0:36:10.600
you really feel kind of whole you feel

0:36:10.600,0:36:13.750
all in one piece yeah yeah it gives me a

0:36:13.750,0:36:15.010
choked up feeling when you say that

0:36:15.010,0:36:16.780
because I don't get that as often as I'd

0:36:16.780,0:36:19.870
like I like that whole feeling that's

0:36:19.870,0:36:22.240
real precious to me xscape none of us

0:36:22.240,0:36:24.070
get it as often as we like but I really

0:36:24.070,0:36:30.780
do understand

0:36:30.780,0:36:33.359
don't touch you didn't and you know

0:36:33.359,0:36:35.430
we're also are just thinking I thought

0:36:35.430,0:36:40.750
he's done saying it

0:36:40.750,0:36:42.760
all of a sudden isn't on here is Betsy

0:36:42.760,0:36:44.410
on right I can talk to you and I want

0:36:44.410,0:36:46.510
you to approve of me and I respect you

0:36:46.510,0:36:49.119
but I miss what my father can talk to me

0:36:49.119,0:36:51.099
like you are way I'd like to say to you

0:36:51.099,0:36:56.500
like you for my father I only know one

0:36:56.500,0:36:58.270
that came to me you look to me like a

0:36:58.270,0:37:09.050
pretty nice gutter

0:37:09.050,0:37:11.960
but you really do miss the fact that you

0:37:11.960,0:37:14.980
couldn't be open with your own game

0:37:14.980,0:37:17.450
you know I couldn't be open below I

0:37:17.450,0:37:19.190
won't blame it on him I think I'm more

0:37:19.190,0:37:21.860
open than hit alarm II mean II would

0:37:21.860,0:37:22.220
never

0:37:22.220,0:37:27.980
this will be talk like you are and not

0:37:27.980,0:37:30.440
disapprove but not blowing me down it

0:37:30.440,0:37:31.880
yeah I thought of this year the day why

0:37:31.880,0:37:33.650
do I always have to be so perfect I'm

0:37:33.650,0:37:35.750
why he always wanted me to be perfect I

0:37:35.750,0:37:39.560
always had to be better and yeah is that

0:37:39.560,0:37:42.470
it was trying like hell to be the girl

0:37:42.470,0:37:44.690
he wants you to be you have to same time

0:37:44.690,0:37:45.770
my darling thank you

0:37:45.770,0:37:47.150
like I almost started writing in the

0:37:47.150,0:37:48.770
letter the other day and telling him I'm

0:37:48.770,0:37:50.180
a waitress which I expected to

0:37:50.180,0:37:51.830
disapprove of like while at nights and I

0:37:51.830,0:37:54.020
I always quoted hanging back like no how

0:37:54.020,0:37:56.570
do you like me and yet I really want

0:37:56.570,0:37:59.510
acceptance and love from him I mean I

0:37:59.510,0:38:01.790
really never use slapping and say this

0:38:01.790,0:38:03.110
is what I am seeing

0:38:03.110,0:38:05.450
yeah but it amazed me how do you like it

0:38:05.450,0:38:07.010
but you know what I think I want him to

0:38:07.010,0:38:08.930
say and this was you all along for me

0:38:08.930,0:38:12.830
and I really love you I guess you really

0:38:12.830,0:38:17.270
feel badly you think there's very little

0:38:17.270,0:38:21.650
chance you'll say that well maybe it

0:38:21.650,0:38:24.860
isn't here I went back home in about two

0:38:24.860,0:38:26.840
years ago really really to let him know

0:38:26.840,0:38:29.180
I loved him although I bit later him but

0:38:29.180,0:38:31.040
he doesn't hear me he just keeps saying

0:38:31.040,0:38:32.810
things like honey you know I love you

0:38:32.810,0:38:34.850
you know I've always loved doing shit up

0:38:34.850,0:38:39.320
in here

0:38:39.320,0:38:43.740
never really known you and loved you and

0:38:43.740,0:38:46.740
this somehow is what brings the tears in

0:38:46.740,0:38:50.190
time I don't know what it is you know

0:38:50.190,0:38:53.240
what it

0:38:53.240,0:38:57.440
never really known you and loved you and

0:38:57.440,0:39:00.079
this somehow is what brings the tears

0:39:00.079,0:39:03.410
inside I don't know what it is

0:39:03.410,0:39:04.849
you know want to talk about it it feels

0:39:04.849,0:39:07.010
more flip if I just sit still it it

0:39:07.010,0:39:08.599
feels like a great big hurt down there

0:39:08.599,0:39:09.790
did I

0:39:09.790,0:39:18.440
mm-hmm much much easier to be a little

0:39:18.440,0:39:22.130
flip because then you don't feel that

0:39:22.130,0:39:27.290
big lump inside over and again that's a

0:39:27.290,0:39:28.369
hopeless situation

0:39:28.369,0:39:31.819
I tried working on it and I feel

0:39:31.819,0:39:33.770
thinking I have to accept my father just

0:39:33.770,0:39:35.480
isn't the type of reality like I'd like

0:39:35.480,0:39:37.030
somebody more understanding and caring

0:39:37.030,0:39:40.160
he cares but not in the way that we

0:39:40.160,0:39:45.980
cooperate and communicate you'll note

0:39:45.980,0:39:51.079
that I am permanently cheated hmm that's

0:39:51.079,0:39:53.390
why I like substitutes like I like

0:39:53.390,0:39:55.460
talking to you and I like limit I can

0:39:55.460,0:39:59.720
respect doctors on my I keep sort of

0:39:59.720,0:40:01.549
maybe underneath feeling like we're real

0:40:01.549,0:40:02.630
close you know and it's sort of like a

0:40:02.630,0:40:06.430
substitute father

0:40:06.430,0:40:10.120
I don't feel this became

0:40:10.120,0:40:12.790
well they're not really my father no I

0:40:12.790,0:40:15.510
meant about the real close business

0:40:15.510,0:40:18.130
we'll see I think about pretending to

0:40:18.130,0:40:20.140
because I can't expect you to feel very

0:40:20.140,0:40:22.380
close to me you don't know me that well

0:40:22.380,0:40:26.290
all I can do is what I am feeling that

0:40:26.290,0:40:40.380
is I feel close to you in this moment

0:40:40.380,0:40:43.100
in spite of feeling initially

0:40:43.100,0:40:44.850
artificiality of the situation

0:40:44.850,0:40:47.760
particularly the hot light I very

0:40:47.760,0:40:51.780
quickly became oblivious to the outside

0:40:51.780,0:40:55.910
situation and I think the Gloria did too

0:40:55.910,0:40:59.450
in many ways I'm glad that she kept

0:40:59.450,0:41:02.810
pushing me for an answer to her Rea

0:41:02.810,0:41:06.750
personal questions about her sex life

0:41:06.750,0:41:09.440
and her relationship to her daughter I

0:41:09.440,0:41:13.410
say I'm glad of this because as the

0:41:13.410,0:41:16.109
relationship developed it became I think

0:41:16.109,0:41:19.010
completely clear to her as well as to me

0:41:19.010,0:41:21.540
that she was seeking something a good

0:41:21.540,0:41:24.359
deal deeper than that incidentally I'd

0:41:24.359,0:41:28.740
like to pay my tribute to her deep

0:41:28.740,0:41:31.320
honesty and being willing to talk about

0:41:31.320,0:41:35.700
herself so freely although every

0:41:35.700,0:41:39.119
individual is entirely unique and in

0:41:39.119,0:41:41.850
this respect I was definitely unprepared

0:41:41.850,0:41:43.350
for and sometimes surprised by the

0:41:43.350,0:41:45.900
material she brought up still in another

0:41:45.900,0:41:48.540
sense this was very typical of my

0:41:48.540,0:41:52.080
experiences in therapy when I'm able

0:41:52.080,0:41:54.780
really to let myself enter into a

0:41:54.780,0:41:57.930
relationship and I feel that this was

0:41:57.930,0:42:01.350
true in this instance then I find myself

0:42:01.350,0:42:04.619
not only being increasingly moved by

0:42:04.619,0:42:06.900
being in touch with the inner world of

0:42:06.900,0:42:09.660
my client but I find myself bringing out

0:42:09.660,0:42:12.960
of my own inner experience statements

0:42:12.960,0:42:15.450
which seem to have no connection with

0:42:15.450,0:42:18.150
what's going on but which usually proved

0:42:18.150,0:42:20.940
to be approved to have a very

0:42:20.940,0:42:23.190
significant relationship to what the

0:42:23.190,0:42:25.890
client is experiencing I felt there were

0:42:25.890,0:42:28.710
one or two incidents of this kind

0:42:28.710,0:42:33.960
in this brief interview I was genuinely

0:42:33.960,0:42:36.510
moved I probably showed it by the fact

0:42:36.510,0:42:38.369
that she told me near the end of the

0:42:38.369,0:42:42.750
contact she saw me as the father she

0:42:42.750,0:42:46.200
would like to have my reply was also a

0:42:46.200,0:42:49.049
thoroughly spontaneous one that she

0:42:49.049,0:42:50.490
seemed to me like a pretty nice daughter

0:42:50.490,0:42:56.309
I guess I feel that we were only playing

0:42:56.309,0:42:58.619
the real world of relationships when I

0:42:58.619,0:43:01.289
talk about such an experience in terms

0:43:01.289,0:43:04.799
of transference and countertransference

0:43:04.799,0:43:08.369
I feel quite deeply about that I want to

0:43:08.369,0:43:11.670
say yes we can put this experience and

0:43:11.670,0:43:14.309
do some such highly intellectualized

0:43:14.309,0:43:16.650
framework that when we do that it

0:43:16.650,0:43:21.059
completely misses the point of the very

0:43:21.059,0:43:23.700
immediate eval quality of the

0:43:23.700,0:43:28.339
relationship at such moments I felt that

0:43:28.339,0:43:31.559
Gloria and I really encountered each

0:43:31.559,0:43:35.670
other and that in some small but I

0:43:35.670,0:43:38.430
believe lasting way we were each of us

0:43:38.430,0:43:42.690
enriched by the experience I'm saying

0:43:42.690,0:43:45.329
these things almost immediately after

0:43:45.329,0:43:47.670
the conclusion of the interview and as

0:43:47.670,0:43:50.039
is characteristic of me there are not

0:43:50.039,0:43:51.809
more than one or two statements or

0:43:51.809,0:43:54.270
incidents which I recall from the

0:43:54.270,0:43:56.579
interview I simply know that I was very

0:43:56.579,0:44:01.460
much present in the relationship that I

0:44:01.460,0:44:04.049
lived it in the moment of its occurrence

0:44:04.049,0:44:07.140
and I realized that after a time I may

0:44:07.140,0:44:09.420
begin to remember it too but at the

0:44:09.420,0:44:12.750
present time I really have a very

0:44:12.750,0:44:15.230
nonspecific memory of the whole

0:44:15.230,0:44:19.920
interview I'll try to look at it though

0:44:19.920,0:44:22.680
a little bit more from a intellectual

0:44:22.680,0:44:24.599
rather than a strictly feeling point of

0:44:24.599,0:44:28.170
view Gloria showed that I've come to

0:44:28.170,0:44:31.200
feel our characteristic elements of

0:44:31.200,0:44:33.930
therapeutic movement in the first part

0:44:33.930,0:44:35.910
of the interview she was talking about

0:44:35.910,0:44:36.950
her feeling

0:44:36.950,0:44:39.410
and they were past feelings she was

0:44:39.410,0:44:41.000
talking about aspects of her behavior

0:44:41.000,0:44:44.330
and of herself as if she didn't quite

0:44:44.330,0:44:45.550
own them

0:44:45.550,0:44:49.510
she was looking outside herself for a

0:44:49.510,0:44:52.340
center or locus of evaluation some

0:44:52.340,0:44:57.530
source of authority she saw some of the

0:44:57.530,0:44:59.030
things she was talking about in fairly

0:44:59.030,0:45:03.590
black-and-white - fashion by the end of

0:45:03.590,0:45:06.500
the interview she was experiencing her

0:45:06.500,0:45:09.080
feelings in the immediate moment not

0:45:09.080,0:45:12.590
only as evidenced by her tears but by

0:45:12.590,0:45:16.700
her ability to express very directly and

0:45:16.700,0:45:20.560
with immediacy her feelings toward me

0:45:20.560,0:45:23.830
she was also much more aware of her

0:45:23.830,0:45:26.930
ability to make her own judgments and

0:45:26.930,0:45:31.850
choices I guess put in terms that have

0:45:31.850,0:45:34.460
become somewhat commonplace you could

0:45:34.460,0:45:37.310
say that she moved from the there and

0:45:37.310,0:45:42.710
then of her life to the here and now of

0:45:42.710,0:45:44.570
elements that she was discovering in

0:45:44.570,0:45:47.600
herself and feelings that she was

0:45:47.600,0:45:49.940
experiencing in the moment in her

0:45:49.940,0:45:56.060
relationship with me all in all I feel

0:45:56.060,0:45:59.360
good about the interview I guess I feel

0:45:59.360,0:46:01.850
good about myself in the interview and

0:46:01.850,0:46:05.270
like Gloria I feel very real regret that

0:46:05.270,0:46:18.710
the relationship cannot continue

0:46:18.710,0:46:26.040
you

0:46:26.040,0:46:32.790
I am to interview a patient and I'd like

0:46:32.790,0:46:34.800
to give you some thumbnail sketch of

0:46:34.800,0:46:39.690
what Gestalt therapy stands for Agatha

0:46:39.690,0:46:44.480
is working on an equation awareness

0:46:44.480,0:46:49.710
equal Pleasant time equal reality in

0:46:49.710,0:46:52.020
contrast to depth psychology we try to

0:46:52.020,0:46:56.160
get hold of the obvious of the surface

0:46:56.160,0:46:58.470
of the situation in which we find

0:46:58.470,0:47:01.560
ourselves and to develop the emerging to

0:47:01.560,0:47:06.480
start strictly on the eye and thou it

0:47:06.480,0:47:11.460
now basis any escape into the future or

0:47:11.460,0:47:14.250
the past is the exam as a likely

0:47:14.250,0:47:20.490
resistance against the ongoing encounter

0:47:20.490,0:47:25.600
modern man has edited even up so much of

0:47:25.600,0:47:28.330
his potential but his ability to cope

0:47:28.330,0:47:30.310
with his existence becomes very

0:47:30.310,0:47:35.510
impoverished my aim is this

0:47:35.510,0:47:37.910
the patient should recover his lost

0:47:37.910,0:47:41.210
potential he should integrate the

0:47:41.210,0:47:44.510
conflicting celeritas understand the

0:47:44.510,0:47:46.310
difference between being playing

0:47:46.310,0:47:49.930
especially the playing of verbal games

0:47:49.930,0:47:54.020
on the one hand and of genuine authentic

0:47:54.020,0:47:57.859
be a confident behavior on the other the

0:47:57.859,0:48:01.609
civil war of inner conflicts weakens the

0:48:01.609,0:48:04.640
efficiency in comfort of the patient but

0:48:04.640,0:48:08.740
every bit of integration strength need

0:48:08.740,0:48:11.840
now in the same emergency of the

0:48:11.840,0:48:15.410
therapeutic saturation I repeat in the

0:48:15.410,0:48:18.040
safe emergency of the therapeutic

0:48:18.040,0:48:21.320
situation the patient begins to take

0:48:21.320,0:48:25.750
risks into transforms energies from

0:48:25.750,0:48:29.170
manipulating the environment for support

0:48:29.170,0:48:32.150
into developing greater greater self

0:48:32.150,0:48:35.119
support when its reliance on his own

0:48:35.119,0:48:40.180
resources this process is called

0:48:40.180,0:48:42.860
maturation

0:48:42.860,0:48:45.140
once the patient has learned to stand on

0:48:45.140,0:48:47.630
its own feet emotionally intellectually

0:48:47.630,0:48:50.240
and economically his need for therapy

0:48:50.240,0:48:53.270
will collapse we wake up from the

0:48:53.270,0:48:56.560
nightmare of his existence

0:48:56.560,0:49:01.130
the basic technique is this not to

0:49:01.130,0:49:04.040
explain things to the patient but to

0:49:04.040,0:49:06.320
provide the patient with opportunities

0:49:06.320,0:49:11.110
to understand and to discover himself

0:49:11.110,0:49:15.320
for this purpose I manipulate and fasted

0:49:15.320,0:49:17.750
the patient in such a way that he's

0:49:17.750,0:49:21.650
confronting himself in this process he

0:49:21.650,0:49:24.950
identifies with his lost potential for

0:49:24.950,0:49:27.020
instance through assimilating his

0:49:27.020,0:49:31.250
projections by acting out by acting out

0:49:31.250,0:49:34.850
the alien parts of himself instantly I

0:49:34.850,0:49:37.760
consider any interpretation to be a

0:49:37.760,0:49:41.000
therapeutic mistake as this one implies

0:49:41.000,0:49:42.980
that the therapist understands the

0:49:42.980,0:49:46.180
patient paper and the patient himself

0:49:46.180,0:49:49.460
takes away from the patient he chance of

0:49:49.460,0:49:54.850
discovering himself by himself and

0:49:54.850,0:49:58.220
prevents him from finding out his own

0:49:58.220,0:50:02.480
values and style and the other hand I

0:50:02.480,0:50:06.020
guess I got most of the content of what

0:50:06.020,0:50:08.810
the patient says and concentrate most on

0:50:08.810,0:50:11.300
the nonverbal level as this is the only

0:50:11.300,0:50:14.950
which only one which is less subject to

0:50:14.950,0:50:18.470
self-deception in his verbal pseudo self

0:50:18.470,0:50:21.770
expression on the nonverbal level the

0:50:21.770,0:50:25.790
relevant is start and always emerge and

0:50:25.790,0:50:35.770
can deadly in the here and now

0:50:35.770,0:50:43.330
we are going to interview for happened

0:50:43.330,0:50:47.110
right away I'm scared you see you're

0:50:47.110,0:50:49.810
scared but you're smiling I don't

0:50:49.810,0:50:51.400
understand how it can be scared and

0:50:51.400,0:50:55.860
smile at the same time

0:50:55.860,0:50:58.200
and I'm also suspicious of you I think

0:50:58.200,0:51:00.000
you understand very well I think you

0:51:00.000,0:51:05.430
know that when I get scared I laugh or I

0:51:05.430,0:51:08.550
kid to cover up but do you have stage 5

0:51:08.550,0:51:13.080
I don't know I'm mostly aware of you I'm

0:51:13.080,0:51:15.720
afraid that I'm afraid you're going to

0:51:15.720,0:51:17.670
have such a direct attack that you're

0:51:17.670,0:51:18.960
going to get me in the corner and I'm

0:51:18.960,0:51:20.310
afraid of it I want you to be more on

0:51:20.310,0:51:22.560
myself I get you in your corner you put

0:51:22.560,0:51:25.800
your hand on your chest this is your

0:51:25.800,0:51:31.380
call well it's like yeah it's like I'm

0:51:31.380,0:51:36.270
afraid no way would you like to go can

0:51:36.270,0:51:39.530
you describe the calling like to go to

0:51:39.530,0:51:44.580
yeah it's back in corner where where I'm

0:51:44.580,0:51:47.820
completely protected they would be safe

0:51:47.820,0:51:51.350
of me for me

0:51:51.350,0:51:53.630
well I know I wouldn't really well in

0:51:53.630,0:51:56.380
their chosen yeah made you in this color

0:51:56.380,0:51:59.960
you're perfectly safe now but what you

0:51:59.960,0:52:03.020
doing the girl I just said mister just

0:52:03.020,0:52:07.340
see how long would you sit I don't know

0:52:07.340,0:52:08.720
but this is so funny as you're saying

0:52:08.720,0:52:10.250
this this reminds me of when I was a

0:52:10.250,0:52:10.880
little girl

0:52:10.880,0:52:12.920
every time I was afraid I feel better

0:52:12.920,0:52:15.470
sitting in a corner okay you hanneke I

0:52:15.470,0:52:16.550
didn't get you good

0:52:16.550,0:52:19.280
well no but it's the same feeling are

0:52:19.280,0:52:23.240
you good this feeling reminds me of it

0:52:23.240,0:52:26.240
oh you know no not

0:52:26.240,0:52:29.450
oh are you when you're not the little

0:52:29.450,0:52:32.830
kid yeah okay

0:52:32.830,0:52:37.030
so your thought your girl who's afraid

0:52:37.030,0:52:40.750
of a guy like I don't even know yeah I

0:52:40.750,0:52:42.880
don't know I'll be afraid of you I get

0:52:42.880,0:52:46.330
real defensive with you know what can I

0:52:46.330,0:52:49.490
do to you

0:52:49.490,0:52:51.170
you can't do anything but I can sure

0:52:51.170,0:52:53.030
feel down and I can feel stupid for not

0:52:53.030,0:52:55.069
having the right answers now what would

0:52:55.069,0:52:57.319
it do for you to be feel dumb and stupid

0:52:57.319,0:53:00.260
I hate it when I'm stupid what would it

0:53:00.260,0:53:04.520
do for you to be dumb and stupid

0:53:04.520,0:53:07.550
don't put it so like this what would you

0:53:07.550,0:53:10.340
do to me if you would play dumb and

0:53:10.340,0:53:12.500
stupid it makes you all the smarter and

0:53:12.500,0:53:14.780
all the higher above me then I really

0:53:14.780,0:53:16.040
have to look up to you because you're so

0:53:16.040,0:53:16.520
smart

0:53:16.520,0:53:21.500
yeah but me how practically no I think

0:53:21.500,0:53:25.880
you can do that all by yourself I think

0:53:25.880,0:53:27.500
the other way along if you play dumb and

0:53:27.500,0:53:33.670
stupid you force me to be more explicit

0:53:33.670,0:53:35.710
that's been said to me before but I

0:53:35.710,0:53:37.989
don't buy it I don't know what I do with

0:53:37.989,0:53:45.430
your feet now wiggling joke now oh I'm

0:53:45.430,0:53:48.539
afraid to go knows everything I do she

0:53:48.539,0:53:51.730
told me I want you to help me become

0:53:51.730,0:53:53.589
more relaxed yes I don't want to be so

0:53:53.589,0:53:55.329
defensive with you I don't like to feel

0:53:55.329,0:54:02.670
so defensive

0:54:02.670,0:54:04.890
you're acting like you're treating me as

0:54:04.890,0:54:06.599
if I'm stronger than I am and I want you

0:54:06.599,0:54:09.089
to protect me more and be nicer to me

0:54:09.089,0:54:12.089
are you will feel smile don't believe

0:54:12.089,0:54:20.930
about your cords sure bluff your phony

0:54:20.930,0:54:23.210
do you believe you mean it seriously

0:54:23.210,0:54:26.910
yeah if you see your faded you laugh and

0:54:26.910,0:54:32.039
you bigger than you still it's funny put

0:54:32.039,0:54:35.039
the performance for me oh I I resent

0:54:35.039,0:54:39.029
that very much explicit yes sir I most

0:54:39.029,0:54:40.920
certainly I'm not being funny I I will

0:54:40.920,0:54:43.170
admit this it's hard for me to show my

0:54:43.170,0:54:44.789
embarrassment and I hate to be

0:54:44.789,0:54:46.799
embarrassed but boy I resent you calling

0:54:46.799,0:54:49.829
me a phony just because I smile when I'm

0:54:49.829,0:54:51.420
embarrassed or I'm put in the corner

0:54:51.420,0:54:53.849
doesn't mean I'm being a phony wonderful

0:54:53.849,0:54:56.039
fiction he didn't spend for the last

0:54:56.039,0:54:56.640
minute

0:54:56.640,0:54:59.910
well I met you I am that's right it

0:54:59.910,0:55:02.579
didn't have to cover up your hangovers

0:55:02.579,0:55:05.329
your smile

0:55:05.329,0:55:08.880
no in that moment in that minute you had

0:55:08.880,0:55:11.249
not therefore well at that minute I was

0:55:11.249,0:55:13.200
mad though I wasn't embarrassed

0:55:13.200,0:55:16.940
neither to you mention of the phony I

0:55:16.940,0:55:19.289
still resent that I'm not involved with

0:55:19.289,0:55:22.529
him nervous again I want to get mad at

0:55:22.529,0:55:26.670
you I you know what I want you on my

0:55:26.670,0:55:28.859
level so I can pick on you just as much

0:55:28.859,0:55:30.089
as you're picking on me

0:55:30.089,0:55:37.099
okay pic of me

0:55:37.099,0:55:39.529
I have to wait till you say something I

0:55:39.529,0:55:41.599
can pick on better what does this mean

0:55:41.599,0:55:44.809
can you develop this movement it's I

0:55:44.809,0:55:48.410
can't find words I want to develop this

0:55:48.410,0:55:55.549
but if you went dancing I want to start

0:55:55.549,0:55:56.509
all over again with him

0:55:56.509,0:55:58.969
okay that's some fun I don't Collier I'd

0:55:58.969,0:56:00.709
like to put you on I'd like to ask you a

0:56:00.709,0:56:02.569
question and because I have a feeling

0:56:02.569,0:56:04.039
you don't like me right off the bat and

0:56:04.039,0:56:07.249
I want to know if you do can you not

0:56:07.249,0:56:09.949
play put spells not like a Gloria what

0:56:09.949,0:56:13.819
would he say he'd say that she's a phony

0:56:13.819,0:56:17.239
for one see you our food you're a phony

0:56:17.239,0:56:21.469
and you're a flip little girl and your

0:56:21.469,0:56:27.920
show-off what would look absolutely

0:56:27.920,0:56:30.619
I know what I'd answer I'd say I think

0:56:30.619,0:56:31.630
you are too

0:56:31.630,0:56:34.339
you'll say tell this to me he told me

0:56:34.339,0:56:40.300
what before you got him

0:56:40.300,0:56:43.520
secret tip for

0:56:43.520,0:56:46.070
for me I'm not quite the right word but

0:56:46.070,0:56:49.790
it's more like a a show-off sure I can't

0:56:49.790,0:56:50.900
know all the answers

0:56:50.900,0:56:54.170
yeah and I want you to be more human and

0:56:54.170,0:56:56.720
that doesn't seem very human to me no

0:56:56.720,0:56:58.369
it's not about you

0:56:58.369,0:57:00.260
Yeah right away find out how I'm kicking

0:57:00.260,0:57:02.450
my feet and why am i doing like this why

0:57:02.450,0:57:04.790
are you doing like that oh yeah I've got

0:57:04.790,0:57:06.590
eyes I can see you're kicking your feet

0:57:06.590,0:57:09.890
I don't need a scientific computer to

0:57:09.890,0:57:12.440
see that you're kicking your feet let's

0:57:12.440,0:57:15.920
think about that I don't need to be wise

0:57:15.920,0:57:18.740
to see the chicken feet I know but it

0:57:18.740,0:57:19.880
seems like you're trying to find some

0:57:19.880,0:57:23.020
reason for it I don't

0:57:23.020,0:57:26.270
this year imagination okay I know what

0:57:26.270,0:57:27.440
I'd like from you can I tell you what

0:57:27.440,0:57:28.369
I'd like Sunita

0:57:28.369,0:57:30.260
I'd like you to be aware that I'm

0:57:30.260,0:57:32.300
kicking my feet and to be aware that I'm

0:57:32.300,0:57:33.860
giggling when I'm really nervous and

0:57:33.860,0:57:35.090
accept it instead of putting me on the

0:57:35.090,0:57:37.880
defensive having to explain it I don't

0:57:37.880,0:57:39.890
want to have to explain why I'm doing

0:57:39.890,0:57:41.840
these things you could scream

0:57:41.840,0:57:43.640
you said why am i or what am i doing

0:57:43.640,0:57:46.310
well what am i doing he said it's right

0:57:46.310,0:57:48.080
kicking your feet I didn't ask you to

0:57:48.080,0:57:52.140
explain the see imagination

0:57:52.140,0:57:54.420
it's not this for it is the foots of

0:57:54.420,0:58:02.540
your imagination big difference

0:58:02.540,0:58:12.569
to the circuit again you feel now

0:58:12.569,0:58:16.579
hello stupid

0:58:16.579,0:58:21.029
I'm not playing stupid I don't know this

0:58:21.029,0:58:34.730
is plain stupid

0:58:34.730,0:58:36.680
you get something with you here there

0:58:36.680,0:58:38.990
it's very chance something my hair with

0:58:38.990,0:58:45.530
you object to know okay

0:58:45.530,0:58:49.070
no but I your your hair and your

0:58:49.070,0:58:51.350
features go along with the feeling I had

0:58:51.350,0:58:53.090
about you earlier I had a phone I could

0:58:53.090,0:58:56.210
be afraid of you and you're the type of

0:58:56.210,0:58:57.710
person that seems like you're Demian so

0:58:57.710,0:59:01.880
much respect and song Europe these

0:59:01.880,0:59:02.570
favorites

0:59:02.570,0:59:05.150
I demand so much respect okay that's

0:59:05.150,0:59:08.740
what you just saw

0:59:08.740,0:59:11.589
well you know how smart I am I know more

0:59:11.589,0:59:14.020
about psychology than you do Gloria so

0:59:14.020,0:59:16.839
anything I say of course is right can

0:59:16.839,0:59:18.700
you say the same is Gloria something

0:59:18.700,0:59:22.839
similar is global but the same I guess

0:59:22.839,0:59:24.980
Chloe

0:59:24.980,0:59:29.640
I demand respect because

0:59:29.640,0:59:32.320
I don't know

0:59:32.320,0:59:34.840
no I don't identify it with my father

0:59:34.840,0:59:36.490
but not me I don't feel like a man

0:59:36.490,0:59:41.530
respect the man no sure I mean I think

0:59:41.530,0:59:43.510
I'd like more I'd like you to respect me

0:59:43.510,0:59:47.130
more well you see so your demand respect

0:59:47.130,0:59:50.890
alright yeah yeah so am i right if I

0:59:50.890,0:59:56.970
click demand respect from you I would do

0:59:56.970,1:00:03.309
who's preventing you except yourself

1:00:03.309,1:00:05.079
because I feel if I get myself out on

1:00:05.079,1:00:07.959
the corner here let me just drown you're

1:00:07.959,1:00:09.339
not going to help me one bit and I know

1:00:09.339,1:00:11.169
that I can't quite come up to standards

1:00:11.169,1:00:13.419
with you what should i do then you're

1:00:13.419,1:00:20.279
the chrome encourage me to come out oh

1:00:20.279,1:00:24.939
we don't have enough courage to come out

1:00:24.939,1:00:25.839
by yourself

1:00:25.839,1:00:28.390
you need something for little limbs in

1:00:28.390,1:00:31.269
the stairs out of it oh yeah so anytime

1:00:31.269,1:00:34.900
you want somebody to pay attention to

1:00:34.900,1:00:37.419
you call into a corner and wait till

1:00:37.419,1:00:40.059
your car service that's exactly what I'd

1:00:40.059,1:00:43.089
like and this is what I call fun part

1:00:43.089,1:00:45.459
knee this is for the court for me why is

1:00:45.459,1:00:47.469
it funny I'm admitting to you what I am

1:00:47.469,1:00:49.749
how is that a funny that is a phony

1:00:49.749,1:00:52.539
because it's a trick it's a gimmick the

1:00:52.539,1:00:54.699
quality of Colin wait until somebody

1:00:54.699,1:00:57.309
comes to us I'm admitting it I know what

1:00:57.309,1:00:59.739
I'm doing I'm not being funny I'm not

1:00:59.739,1:01:03.729
pretending I'm so brave I resent that I

1:01:03.729,1:01:05.289
feel like you're saying unless I come

1:01:05.289,1:01:07.929
out openly and stand on my own I'm not a

1:01:07.929,1:01:10.539
phony baloney I'm just just as real

1:01:10.539,1:01:12.159
sitting in that corner as I am out here

1:01:12.159,1:01:14.529
all by myself but ends up sitting in New

1:01:14.529,1:01:22.790
Mexico well not now

1:01:22.790,1:01:24.650
and besides that it's like passing

1:01:24.650,1:01:26.090
judgment when you call me phony I just

1:01:26.090,1:01:28.190
hate that anyway now we are getting

1:01:28.190,1:01:32.840
something I call anybody phony who put

1:01:32.840,1:01:37.250
some necked and if you like somebody you

1:01:37.250,1:01:40.760
want to meet this person to go to this

1:01:40.760,1:01:42.710
person tell them I would like to meet

1:01:42.710,1:01:46.220
you I would call not for me but if you

1:01:46.220,1:01:49.270
consciously go into the corner and

1:01:49.270,1:01:52.490
waiting to be rescued this I call for me

1:01:52.490,1:01:54.620
here's a copy and I still think you're

1:01:54.620,1:01:56.630
judgmental you know what I have a

1:01:56.630,1:01:58.280
feeling you've never felt this way in

1:01:58.280,1:02:00.110
your life you feel so secure that you

1:02:00.110,1:02:01.550
don't have to feel anybody that does

1:02:01.550,1:02:02.870
something like this you're gonna pass

1:02:02.870,1:02:04.730
judgment on their being a phony while I

1:02:04.730,1:02:07.670
resent it no play puts passing judgment

1:02:07.670,1:02:09.950
or you're sitting up there in your big

1:02:09.950,1:02:16.020
old chair I'm the type a stretcher

1:02:16.020,1:02:19.800
how's catchman on Mila

1:02:19.800,1:02:22.110
I don't feel close to you at all dr.

1:02:22.110,1:02:25.200
pearls I feel that's Tony I feel like

1:02:25.200,1:02:26.700
you're playing one big game

1:02:26.700,1:02:31.350
what sure it playing games but in spite

1:02:31.350,1:02:34.440
of the games I think I touch you now and

1:02:34.440,1:02:36.930
then I think I'm out you in our culture

1:02:36.930,1:02:38.610
food of course you did

1:02:38.610,1:02:41.250
and I think I hit the bull's eye that's

1:02:41.250,1:02:45.800
why you feel hot

1:02:45.800,1:02:47.690
I don't know all I know is when somebody

1:02:47.690,1:02:49.070
when I feel the way I feel with you

1:02:49.070,1:02:49.610
right now

1:02:49.610,1:02:51.890
I it's like you don't have feelings

1:02:51.890,1:02:53.180
right now

1:02:53.180,1:02:57.170
accentuate this but you just like that's

1:02:57.170,1:03:00.590
it talk to you like I can't I can't I

1:03:00.590,1:03:02.390
want to laugh I want to I'd like you to

1:03:02.390,1:03:03.530
be younger than me so I could really

1:03:03.530,1:03:07.580
scold you how it must have been my h3

1:03:07.580,1:03:10.970
good at something now imagine I know

1:03:10.970,1:03:13.340
yours could okay don't be so cocksure

1:03:13.340,1:03:15.800
yourself don't think you're so doggone

1:03:15.800,1:03:16.310
smart

1:03:16.310,1:03:18.050
don't act so proud because you've never

1:03:18.050,1:03:19.550
been in the corner I think you can be

1:03:19.550,1:03:21.500
just as big a phony parading around like

1:03:21.500,1:03:23.720
you're so damn smart you know all the

1:03:23.720,1:03:25.369
answers as much as me sitting in my

1:03:25.369,1:03:25.970
corner

1:03:25.970,1:03:28.369
oh and I like the feeling with you being

1:03:28.369,1:03:30.230
younger I'd like to really I'd like to

1:03:30.230,1:03:31.460
embarrass you

1:03:31.460,1:03:33.890
it does when you every what you wouldn't

1:03:33.890,1:03:37.150
get embarrassed you see my affected

1:03:37.150,1:03:41.950
Bettis me how hard how ugly I am

1:03:41.950,1:03:44.060
you don't look alike when you look

1:03:44.060,1:03:44.990
distinguished

1:03:44.990,1:03:46.910
that gives us all the more on your side

1:03:46.910,1:03:49.060
if you look so distinguished then see

1:03:49.060,1:03:52.160
that's more on your side too right oh

1:03:52.160,1:03:54.500
yeah can you see Swanson with quite a

1:03:54.500,1:03:59.270
good fire no I know no that's it

1:03:59.270,1:04:00.710
I don't think you're fighting with me

1:04:00.710,1:04:04.000
but I thought you came out quite a bit

1:04:04.000,1:04:08.900
know how manager wonderful but you seem

1:04:08.900,1:04:11.180
so detached you don't even seem to care

1:04:11.180,1:04:15.830
that I'm mad at you for not recognizing

1:04:15.830,1:04:18.530
me at all doctor Pearl's not a bit this

1:04:18.530,1:04:21.680
is quite true our contact is much too

1:04:21.680,1:04:24.680
superficial to be involved in cave I

1:04:24.680,1:04:29.510
care for you as far as let's see you all

1:04:29.510,1:04:32.240
right now my client I care for you as

1:04:32.240,1:04:35.570
far as I'd like to like an artist in

1:04:35.570,1:04:38.000
something hug which is hidden

1:04:38.000,1:04:44.800
this is fire care

1:04:44.800,1:04:49.090
well I'd like you to I'd like to feel

1:04:49.090,1:04:50.800
that there's some it's frustrating if I

1:04:50.800,1:04:52.360
were to leave you right now and not see

1:04:52.360,1:04:53.890
again it would frustrate me to feel like

1:04:53.890,1:04:55.270
there haven't been more contact I feel

1:04:55.270,1:04:57.430
completely out of contact with you like

1:04:57.430,1:04:59.110
I'm talking to the baby that doesn't

1:04:59.110,1:05:01.180
understand me or something like that I

1:05:01.180,1:05:02.710
don't feel like we're a bit in contact

1:05:02.710,1:05:06.160
and that frustrates me that bothers me

1:05:06.160,1:05:07.480
more than being angry with you I'd

1:05:07.480,1:05:09.880
rather we were angry and fought and to

1:05:09.880,1:05:13.510
have no contact yeah this reminds me of

1:05:13.510,1:05:15.370
when my husband and I used to fight he

1:05:15.370,1:05:17.110
sits there and he listens to me but he's

1:05:17.110,1:05:18.790
not even aware of how much I hate him

1:05:18.790,1:05:21.580
and how mad I am at him I'd rather say

1:05:21.580,1:05:23.890
I'd love it rather affect you you didn't

1:05:23.890,1:05:29.050
really hate me or something and I feel

1:05:29.050,1:05:30.190
like you're purposely staying out of

1:05:30.190,1:05:33.690
contact with me how should I be

1:05:33.690,1:05:37.600
give me a fantasy how could I share my

1:05:37.600,1:05:40.820
concern with here

1:05:40.820,1:05:43.610
I can't say in words I know the feeling

1:05:43.610,1:05:45.530
I'd seen on you but I can't say it's

1:05:45.530,1:05:50.450
just a feeling like I don't know it's

1:05:50.450,1:05:52.040
like I want you to respect me more as a

1:05:52.040,1:05:54.200
human being that I've got feelings now

1:05:54.200,1:05:56.210
we come back to the beginning so you

1:05:56.210,1:05:59.030
won't respect yes I do I do

1:05:59.030,1:06:01.040
this is a different kind of respect and

1:06:01.040,1:06:02.660
I won it the first time but you want to

1:06:02.660,1:06:08.040
eat this yes

1:06:08.040,1:06:10.830
I respect you so much as you deem that I

1:06:10.830,1:06:12.900
refuse to accept the phony part of

1:06:12.900,1:06:15.690
yourself and I trust myself to the

1:06:15.690,1:06:18.090
genuine part right now the last few

1:06:18.090,1:06:21.530
minutes we were wonderfully generally

1:06:21.530,1:06:26.880
women playing anymore I could see you

1:06:26.880,1:06:29.970
very good okay

1:06:29.970,1:06:33.000
well I don't feel I've got it right when

1:06:33.000,1:06:35.220
I felt like somebody or I disagree what

1:06:35.220,1:06:37.050
somebody's doing if if I should respect

1:06:37.050,1:06:38.130
them if they're above me they're

1:06:38.130,1:06:39.750
superior to me I don't feel I've got a

1:06:39.750,1:06:41.460
right to really really tell you how mad

1:06:41.460,1:06:44.060
I am it's it's village

1:06:44.060,1:06:46.619
we're not take it to chicken you're

1:06:46.619,1:06:49.619
taking pic to your safe corner that's

1:06:49.619,1:06:50.700
the way it feels

1:06:50.700,1:06:52.200
that's what the seed corn feels like to

1:06:52.200,1:06:55.319
me now go back to your safe crop because

1:06:55.319,1:06:57.480
we have to pop well so you steal

1:06:57.480,1:06:59.160
yourself collar you came out for a

1:06:59.160,1:06:59.640
moment

1:06:59.640,1:07:02.579
you nearly met me could get a little bit

1:07:02.579,1:07:03.540
angry with me

1:07:03.540,1:07:06.270
okay for your safety I feel like you're

1:07:06.270,1:07:08.190
telling me the only way you respect me

1:07:08.190,1:07:10.050
as a human being if I'm aggressive and

1:07:10.050,1:07:12.960
forceful in strong yeah I thought you

1:07:12.960,1:07:14.520
couldn't even accept mine I'd be scared

1:07:14.520,1:07:16.800
to death to cry in front of you I feel

1:07:16.800,1:07:18.030
like you'd laugh at me and call me a

1:07:18.030,1:07:20.220
phony I feel like you don't accept my

1:07:20.220,1:07:22.109
weak side only when I'm yelling back at

1:07:22.109,1:07:25.500
you were hollering at you you must

1:07:25.500,1:07:28.349
define Memphis well I wouldn't even give

1:07:28.349,1:07:32.000
you the satisfaction see this again no

1:07:32.000,1:07:35.520
see the ticket

1:07:35.520,1:07:38.100
I try not to I try not to cry in front

1:07:38.100,1:07:39.900
of you or show my weak spot for period

1:07:39.900,1:07:40.770
jump on me again

1:07:40.770,1:07:43.830
hey that your eyes are most I'm aware

1:07:43.830,1:07:46.430
that I feel more jokey yes I feel it

1:07:46.430,1:07:51.430
could you choke me

1:07:51.430,1:07:54.150
pretend but not for real women for me

1:07:54.150,1:07:56.460
because I don't hate you that much

1:07:56.460,1:07:59.740
anyone who took my history with me to

1:07:59.740,1:08:03.819
choke you so you would be crying I'd

1:08:03.819,1:08:05.650
like to I'd like to choke you it would

1:08:05.650,1:08:08.200
be to make you cry I'd like to see you

1:08:08.200,1:08:11.859
weak I'd like to see you hurt and

1:08:11.859,1:08:14.880
vulnerable

1:08:14.880,1:08:18.929
refer to this thing for you

1:08:18.929,1:08:21.870
make me feel like I'm I have more of a

1:08:21.870,1:08:23.880
right to be heard you went jump on me so

1:08:23.880,1:08:26.850
quick would you jump on me if I would

1:08:26.850,1:08:27.420
cry

1:08:27.420,1:08:30.270
no but I would jump on you if you would

1:08:30.270,1:08:31.429
cry

1:08:31.429,1:08:34.710
you sure this

1:08:34.710,1:08:38.910
no I'm not sure

1:08:38.910,1:08:41.609
but what would you like me to do if you

1:08:41.609,1:08:45.479
were to cry

1:08:45.479,1:08:48.069
are you smiling you're trying something

1:08:48.069,1:08:48.550
off

1:08:48.550,1:08:50.200
well because I got two feelings I was

1:08:50.200,1:08:51.880
gonna say I want you to I want you to

1:08:51.880,1:08:53.740
love me and hug me but then I thought no

1:08:53.740,1:08:57.189
I don't want to what's your passion I'd

1:08:57.189,1:09:00.520
be scared to be too close to you now

1:09:00.520,1:09:01.569
we're getting somewhere

1:09:01.569,1:09:03.850
first you want to be close to me now

1:09:03.850,1:09:06.939
your fate to be too close just what I'm

1:09:06.939,1:09:07.330
saying

1:09:07.330,1:09:10.930
that's right now we got the two ports of

1:09:10.930,1:09:12.430
exist look they're two different

1:09:12.430,1:09:14.560
feelings close I mean emotionally but

1:09:14.560,1:09:18.790
not physically affected two ports of

1:09:18.790,1:09:21.580
existence now I have a far away in the

1:09:21.580,1:09:26.500
corner I'll be so close that you can

1:09:26.500,1:09:32.350
melted to run with other person the

1:09:32.350,1:09:39.738
penalty travel between the two extremes

1:09:39.738,1:09:42.620
I do you know what I'm thinking when I

1:09:42.620,1:09:45.770
am really hurt and really upset about

1:09:45.770,1:09:48.049
something and I want someone to love me

1:09:48.049,1:09:49.279
like my girlfriend will do a lot and

1:09:49.279,1:09:51.500
she'll come up to hug me I don't I don't

1:09:51.500,1:09:56.390
want it see what I'm talking about

1:09:56.390,1:10:01.989
you cannot sustain contact

1:10:01.989,1:10:07.060
okay this isn't damage but I think if

1:10:07.060,1:10:08.920
you hit too close to your foe and if you

1:10:08.920,1:10:10.800
let her hug you

1:10:10.800,1:10:13.270
the only thing I'm aware of is like when

1:10:13.270,1:10:15.010
I perspire it embarrasses me that should

1:10:15.010,1:10:17.650
feel how wet I am and it should hold my

1:10:17.650,1:10:21.070
body up close and I don't know I'll feel

1:10:21.070,1:10:25.450
fish it's question yeah yes I am I do

1:10:25.450,1:10:28.560
this more geeky

1:10:28.560,1:10:31.600
is it itchy I can just feel what it is I

1:10:31.600,1:10:33.460
don't like it you see this to me put

1:10:33.460,1:10:39.650
your icky

1:10:39.650,1:10:41.940
you know

1:10:41.940,1:10:45.090
that's a difficulty because I feel like

1:10:45.090,1:10:46.320
if you really believe me that one hurt

1:10:46.320,1:10:49.560
your feelings oh you must love my

1:10:49.560,1:10:53.310
feelings wow I thought that was so

1:10:53.310,1:10:55.560
indifferent sissy before that road

1:10:55.560,1:10:57.870
nothing could touch me now you suddenly

1:10:57.870,1:11:02.180
discovered the way to touch me isn't it

1:11:02.180,1:11:05.160
well you know what I believe I believe

1:11:05.160,1:11:06.630
you're the type of person sort of like

1:11:06.630,1:11:08.460
really that you act like it wouldn't

1:11:08.460,1:11:09.900
hurt your feelings but it really would

1:11:09.900,1:11:13.050
Black's strong but you you're soft and

1:11:13.050,1:11:17.910
vulnerable inside there too I think your

1:11:17.910,1:11:21.300
feelings could be hurt sure but I don't

1:11:21.300,1:11:24.360
think you'd show it very easy look what

1:11:24.360,1:11:28.140
I do I would I could see to my feelings

1:11:28.140,1:11:30.090
I turning it back on me

1:11:30.090,1:11:32.820
I think now what did you get from that

1:11:32.820,1:11:35.100
Gloria you turn the whole thing back on

1:11:35.100,1:11:36.930
me instead of showing another jewel

1:11:36.930,1:11:39.330
now can you see this to puts out to you

1:11:39.330,1:11:41.940
what did you get out of this face see

1:11:41.940,1:11:44.610
this to me would you get out of what but

1:11:44.610,1:11:50.350
you just see Mississippians

1:11:50.350,1:11:52.550
sure I know what you'd get out of it if

1:11:52.550,1:11:54.020
I said what did you get out of this rich

1:11:54.020,1:11:57.650
kid say nothing it didn't bother me it

1:11:57.650,1:11:59.240
was you that didn't you still wouldn't

1:11:59.240,1:12:00.560
let me know you were hurt but I know

1:12:00.560,1:12:01.970
what it would be if you told your true

1:12:01.970,1:12:03.500
feelings but you didn't want to show

1:12:03.500,1:12:06.170
your hurt so you covered it up same way

1:12:06.170,1:12:07.190
with me in the corner

1:12:07.190,1:12:10.160
not if I well if I would cry what would

1:12:10.160,1:12:13.449
you do this

1:12:13.449,1:12:15.790
you would be you wouldn't be so superior

1:12:15.790,1:12:18.040
to me you'd be more vulnerable and I

1:12:18.040,1:12:20.260
could pacify you and make you feel

1:12:20.260,1:12:20.739
better

1:12:20.739,1:12:23.380
good hard for me yes and I could be the

1:12:23.380,1:12:27.880
babe yes yes I'd like that

1:12:27.880,1:12:29.500
he had feel more on my level I wouldn't

1:12:29.500,1:12:32.230
have to feel so done with you the other

1:12:32.230,1:12:35.550
way Paul who would have to be my baby

1:12:35.550,1:12:39.130
she would cry we would like to pay the

1:12:39.130,1:12:41.940
baby and be comforted in Parkton the

1:12:41.940,1:12:46.410
poor thing every man to

1:12:46.410,1:12:50.020
attend something came to mass closure

1:12:50.020,1:12:52.810
he came to little bit of understatement

1:12:52.810,1:12:57.160
I think we finish this simple situation

1:12:57.160,1:13:05.929
well

1:13:05.929,1:13:09.550
the demonstration was in my opinion

1:13:09.550,1:13:12.559
quite successful and consistent with my

1:13:12.559,1:13:15.769
theoretical outlook the avoidance of the

1:13:15.769,1:13:18.349
genuine encounter manifested itself in

1:13:18.349,1:13:19.360
three ways

1:13:19.360,1:13:25.340
the patient was first taking control by

1:13:25.340,1:13:27.919
putting on a smiling sophisticated phony

1:13:27.919,1:13:30.559
mask of oscillating between the pretense

1:13:30.559,1:13:33.110
of being frightened and yet at the same

1:13:33.110,1:13:37.159
time having me figured out that's being

1:13:37.159,1:13:40.099
or believing to be fully in control of

1:13:40.099,1:13:44.719
the situation secondly she was

1:13:44.719,1:13:48.499
withdrawing by fantasizing of hiding in

1:13:48.499,1:13:55.760
a corner Berkeley she was blocking the

1:13:55.760,1:13:58.689
real encounter of melting through crying

1:13:58.689,1:14:02.059
which then would have been the real

1:14:02.059,1:14:06.769
emotional meaning of this meeting the

1:14:06.769,1:14:08.749
patient was capable of identifying her

1:14:08.749,1:14:11.149
surface several fantasies she had

1:14:11.149,1:14:13.789
projected onto me she was this was

1:14:13.789,1:14:15.800
especially evident with regard to her

1:14:15.800,1:14:19.449
initial denial for need to be respected

1:14:19.449,1:14:22.039
the need for environmental support

1:14:22.039,1:14:24.349
started to come out beside so need to

1:14:24.349,1:14:25.809
get respect

1:14:25.809,1:14:28.669
it was normalized in a wish to be cared

1:14:28.669,1:14:33.139
for rescued from the corner and so on I

1:14:33.139,1:14:36.019
broke off the session when the first

1:14:36.019,1:14:39.619
tears begin to appear she began to play

1:14:39.619,1:14:41.539
the role of a lonely child and

1:14:41.539,1:14:43.369
apparently wanted to be hugged and

1:14:43.369,1:14:46.550
comforted adhere to a simulation of a

1:14:46.550,1:14:49.219
projection began to work she began to

1:14:49.219,1:14:55.600
experience holding me like a baby

1:14:55.600,1:14:58.010
apart from

1:14:58.010,1:15:00.470
assisting in assimilating and some

1:15:00.470,1:15:02.660
projections they made therapeutic factor

1:15:02.660,1:15:05.900
was to show how the inconsistency of a

1:15:05.900,1:15:08.510
verbal and nonverbal behavior for

1:15:08.510,1:15:11.120
instance saying that she was frightened

1:15:11.120,1:15:14.290
and smiling at the same time a

1:15:14.290,1:15:19.880
frightening person does not smile may I

1:15:19.880,1:15:21.530
fear it was in the direction of

1:15:21.530,1:15:24.890
embarrassment this embarrassment was

1:15:24.890,1:15:28.700
protected by the brazenness and anger to

1:15:28.700,1:15:30.770
get to exist the existential

1:15:30.770,1:15:32.600
embarrassment we would have to work

1:15:32.600,1:15:34.640
through and eliminated the phone in this

1:15:34.640,1:15:37.880
that is the ease with which we can

1:15:37.880,1:15:40.370
superficially assume any role that is

1:15:40.370,1:15:42.610
required for a specific situation

1:15:42.610,1:15:46.130
this suit adaptation is her way of

1:15:46.130,1:15:50.420
coping with life this is about what I

1:15:50.420,1:16:00.620
got out of this session

1:16:00.620,1:16:10.070
you

1:16:10.070,1:16:12.900
rationale therapy a rational emotive

1:16:12.900,1:16:14.460
therapy also called

1:16:14.460,1:16:17.970
RT for short is based on several

1:16:17.970,1:16:20.730
fundamental propositions or hypotheses

1:16:20.730,1:16:23.760
the first of these is that the past is

1:16:23.760,1:16:26.820
not crucial in a person's life

1:16:26.820,1:16:30.690
the past affects him a good deal but he

1:16:30.690,1:16:33.090
effects himself much more than the past

1:16:33.090,1:16:36.180
affects him because no matter what he

1:16:36.180,1:16:39.120
has learned during his historical

1:16:39.120,1:16:42.390
development the only reason why these

1:16:42.390,1:16:44.160
things that have happened to him and

1:16:44.160,1:16:46.950
have been told to him affect him today

1:16:46.950,1:16:51.330
is because he is still re indoctrinating

1:16:51.330,1:16:53.340
himself with the same philosophies of

1:16:53.340,1:16:56.570
life the same values that he usually

1:16:56.570,1:17:00.630
imbibed and taught himself to early in

1:17:00.630,1:17:05.210
his childhood so we stick largely in the

1:17:05.210,1:17:06.990
present in rational emotive

1:17:06.990,1:17:09.680
psychotherapy rather than in the past

1:17:09.680,1:17:13.400
and we believe that today the individual

1:17:13.400,1:17:16.530
experiences negative emotions

1:17:16.530,1:17:19.490
self-defeating behavior inefficiencies

1:17:19.490,1:17:23.970
because he now is indoctrinating himself

1:17:23.970,1:17:27.330
with what we call simple exclamatory

1:17:27.330,1:17:31.410
sentences which involve ideas human

1:17:31.410,1:17:34.560
beings can tell themselves ideas in all

1:17:34.560,1:17:37.800
kinds of languages and pictures in sign

1:17:37.800,1:17:40.110
languages and non verbal expression in

1:17:40.110,1:17:42.660
man for example but they normally speak

1:17:42.660,1:17:45.210
to themselves in simple English if

1:17:45.210,1:17:47.940
English is their native tongue and when

1:17:47.940,1:17:50.220
they talk to themselves in an irrational

1:17:50.220,1:17:53.910
or an illogical way then they create

1:17:53.910,1:17:56.910
they literally create their negative

1:17:56.910,1:17:59.610
feelings or emotions in the behavior

1:17:59.610,1:18:03.420
that follows their from now just to give

1:18:03.420,1:18:06.690
an example the individual usually tells

1:18:06.690,1:18:09.690
himself when he's upset first the same

1:18:09.690,1:18:12.560
sentence and then an insane that

1:18:12.560,1:18:15.200
the same sentence is something along the

1:18:15.200,1:18:17.600
order of I don't like the thing that

1:18:17.600,1:18:20.750
I've done I dislike my own behavior and

1:18:20.750,1:18:24.680
that would be fun but unfortunately he

1:18:24.680,1:18:27.800
follows it with an insane sentence which

1:18:27.800,1:18:31.520
says to himself and because I don't like

1:18:31.520,1:18:34.610
my behavior I am a louse I am worthless

1:18:34.610,1:18:37.340
I am a no-goodnik and this thoroughly

1:18:37.340,1:18:40.670
insane sentence which is a sentence of

1:18:40.670,1:18:43.280
faith unfounded on fact which has no

1:18:43.280,1:18:45.890
empirical reference which is a kind of

1:18:45.890,1:18:48.740
superstitious or dogmatically religious

1:18:48.740,1:18:51.590
system creates what we call his anxiety

1:18:51.590,1:18:53.900
and through his anxieties depression his

1:18:53.900,1:18:54.350
guilt

1:18:54.350,1:18:57.410
there's other forms of self defeatism or

1:18:57.410,1:18:59.810
again the individual tells himself the

1:18:59.810,1:19:03.410
same sentence I don't like your behavior

1:19:03.410,1:19:05.690
when let us say somebody's acted badly

1:19:05.690,1:19:08.480
with him and instead of following that

1:19:08.480,1:19:11.300
up with that because I don't like your

1:19:11.300,1:19:14.600
behavior I can still stand it and I'm

1:19:14.600,1:19:16.880
going to try to change to get you to

1:19:16.880,1:19:19.010
change your behavior he says I can't

1:19:19.010,1:19:22.010
stand your behavior or in an absolute

1:19:22.010,1:19:25.670
istic god-like grandiose manner you

1:19:25.670,1:19:28.700
shouldn't be the way you are because I

1:19:28.700,1:19:31.520
think that I don't like the way you are

1:19:31.520,1:19:34.640
now it's the second B sentences which

1:19:34.640,1:19:37.310
upset the individual or another way of

1:19:37.310,1:19:39.500
putting it as epictetus a Roman

1:19:39.500,1:19:41.720
philosopher said many years ago it's not

1:19:41.720,1:19:44.060
what happens to us at point-a that it

1:19:44.060,1:19:48.260
upsets us it's be a view of what happens

1:19:48.260,1:19:50.060
to us and in rational emotive

1:19:50.060,1:19:51.950
psychotherapy we go after this

1:19:51.950,1:19:54.560
individual the patient's view and show

1:19:54.560,1:19:57.050
him that whatever he thinks is upset him

1:19:57.050,1:19:59.420
usually some external situation what

1:19:59.420,1:20:01.670
somebody else has done it's really what

1:20:01.670,1:20:04.700
he's telling himself about this thing

1:20:04.700,1:20:07.100
this event which upsets him and although

1:20:07.100,1:20:08.780
he may never be able to do anything

1:20:08.780,1:20:11.850
about the external event at a he can

1:20:11.850,1:20:14.700
change the internal event his sentence

1:20:14.700,1:20:18.210
is belief to himself at D now in

1:20:18.210,1:20:19.890
rational emotive psychotherapy we try to

1:20:19.890,1:20:22.500
show the patient three kinds of insight

1:20:22.500,1:20:24.060
and counted distinctions to some other

1:20:24.060,1:20:26.340
therapies which usually emphasize one

1:20:26.340,1:20:29.190
magic on the first kind we try to show

1:20:29.190,1:20:32.280
him is that all his behaviors especially

1:20:32.280,1:20:34.290
his negative self-defeating behavior

1:20:34.290,1:20:36.300
which we're interested which is

1:20:36.300,1:20:39.920
upsetting him has clear-cut ideological

1:20:39.920,1:20:42.360
antecedents he may have learnt these as

1:20:42.360,1:20:44.820
I said before in the past but right now

1:20:44.820,1:20:47.300
today he must still believe these same

1:20:47.300,1:20:50.400
ideologies else he would not get the

1:20:50.400,1:20:52.830
negative behavior that flows therefrom

1:20:52.830,1:20:56.250
and insight number two which is most

1:20:56.250,1:20:58.620
important than which is unfortunately

1:20:58.620,1:21:00.270
neglected and many other systems of

1:21:00.270,1:21:03.540
psychotherapy is that he being as Ernst

1:21:03.540,1:21:06.530
casera once said a symbolizing animal is

1:21:06.530,1:21:09.620
continually re-induction aiding himself

1:21:09.620,1:21:13.560
with these ideologies and that's the

1:21:13.560,1:21:16.440
issue that's why he's now disturbed now

1:21:16.440,1:21:18.570
in sight number three is that even when

1:21:18.570,1:21:20.400
he sees clearly what he's telling

1:21:20.400,1:21:22.110
himself and that he's telling himself

1:21:22.110,1:21:25.650
nonsense only by work and practice by

1:21:25.650,1:21:28.950
continually reassessing and revaluing

1:21:28.950,1:21:32.820
his own philosophical will he ever get

1:21:32.820,1:21:33.710
better

1:21:33.710,1:21:37.530
now we also stress the fact that action

1:21:37.530,1:21:39.900
is necessary to change an individual

1:21:39.900,1:21:42.330
just talking about things thinking about

1:21:42.330,1:21:44.790
things is nice but not necessary I

1:21:44.790,1:21:46.410
should say it's not a necessary

1:21:46.410,1:21:48.690
condition for psychotherapeutic can

1:21:48.690,1:21:51.000
change the change what the individual

1:21:51.000,1:21:53.820
has to do in addition usually is act and

1:21:53.820,1:21:56.220
we therefore give him concrete homework

1:21:56.220,1:21:59.460
assignments and get him to act these out

1:21:59.460,1:22:01.890
and check up and follow to see whether

1:22:01.890,1:22:04.470
he does these homework assignments and

1:22:04.470,1:22:06.600
our final goal is to get the individual

1:22:06.600,1:22:09.090
to learn and learn for the rest of his

1:22:09.090,1:22:11.940
life to challenge and question his own

1:22:11.940,1:22:15.330
basic value system his own thinking so

1:22:15.330,1:22:16.190
that he

1:22:16.190,1:22:18.500
really thanks for himself he must do

1:22:18.500,1:22:20.390
this particularly when he feels

1:22:20.390,1:22:23.270
miserable he feels anxiety or depression

1:22:23.270,1:22:26.960
or guilt or too much frustration or

1:22:26.960,1:22:28.820
anything else that is negative or when

1:22:28.820,1:22:31.300
he behaves very inefficiently and

1:22:31.300,1:22:35.330
finally he was able through this kind of

1:22:35.330,1:22:37.460
you thinking rethinking his own

1:22:37.460,1:22:39.920
assumptions to apply what we call the

1:22:39.920,1:22:44.060
scientific method to the facets of human

1:22:44.060,1:22:47.510
living and to be truly scientific in his

1:22:47.510,1:22:49.460
behavior to question and challenge his

1:22:49.460,1:22:51.400
own assumptions as we do in science and

1:22:51.400,1:22:54.590
thereby to minimize or never entirely to

1:22:54.590,1:22:58.550
eliminate the terrible anxiety and the

1:22:58.550,1:23:01.300
atrocious hostility which unfortunately

1:23:01.300,1:23:09.920
affects most of us in this existence

1:23:09.920,1:23:12.620
well Gloria I'm not relevant yeah after

1:23:12.620,1:23:17.150
we hit it

1:23:17.150,1:23:19.320
well would you like to tell me what's

1:23:19.320,1:23:25.470
bothering you most yeah I think the

1:23:25.470,1:23:26.730
things that I'd like to talk to you the

1:23:26.730,1:23:28.890
most about are adjusting to my single

1:23:28.890,1:23:36.570
life mostly men I guess America diet I

1:23:36.570,1:23:37.590
don't know if I'm doing the wrong thing

1:23:37.590,1:23:38.670
but I'm going to refer to your book

1:23:38.670,1:23:40.920
anyway because this is what I'm

1:23:40.920,1:23:42.090
impressed with this book about the

1:23:42.090,1:23:43.980
intelligent Woman's Guide to man 9 yeah

1:23:43.980,1:23:47.160
tried to follow it and I believe in it

1:23:47.160,1:23:48.630
this is why it's so fun reading your

1:23:48.630,1:23:49.890
book because I'm not much of a reader

1:23:49.890,1:23:51.930
but I sort of believe the same way you

1:23:51.930,1:23:52.380
do

1:23:52.380,1:23:54.180
but then I've got a problem is there

1:23:54.180,1:23:58.890
healthy men that I do I'm attracted to

1:23:58.890,1:24:00.720
or the type of man I'd like to become

1:24:00.720,1:24:03.420
closely as always I can't seem to meet

1:24:03.420,1:24:05.580
or I get to shower with or something

1:24:05.580,1:24:06.650
that I don't

1:24:06.650,1:24:09.090
it just doesn't click the men I seem to

1:24:09.090,1:24:10.620
be dating nowadays are the ones that I

1:24:10.620,1:24:12.090
don't respect much the ones I don't

1:24:12.090,1:24:13.910
enjoy much the same blip and

1:24:13.910,1:24:16.710
uninteresting and I don't know if it's

1:24:16.710,1:24:18.240
something about me or what because I

1:24:18.240,1:24:19.940
really do want to meet this kind of man

1:24:19.940,1:24:22.080
well let's talk a little about your

1:24:22.080,1:24:24.000
shyness let's suppose you meet somebody

1:24:24.000,1:24:26.940
who you consider eligible but you might

1:24:26.940,1:24:29.250
walk now let's see if we can get at the

1:24:29.250,1:24:31.410
source of your shyness just what you're

1:24:31.410,1:24:33.720
telling yourself to create this you meet

1:24:33.720,1:24:36.530
this man and you feel shy and Bharath

1:24:36.530,1:24:39.090
yes but I don't usually show that I

1:24:39.090,1:24:41.940
usually act slip right back yeah I act

1:24:41.940,1:24:43.500
like the other man act to me of America

1:24:43.500,1:24:44.400
kayak flip

1:24:44.400,1:24:46.830
I don't seem near as intelligent I act

1:24:46.830,1:24:51.240
like a typical dumb blonde I'm just I'm

1:24:51.240,1:24:53.010
just not myself with him I'm more on a

1:24:53.010,1:24:56.280
tease yes well as you probably know from

1:24:56.280,1:24:59.220
x-man hunting I believe that people only

1:24:59.220,1:24:59.940
get

1:24:59.940,1:25:01.860
emotions such as negative emotions of

1:25:01.860,1:25:04.650
shyness embarrassment shame because they

1:25:04.650,1:25:06.630
tell themselves something in simple

1:25:06.630,1:25:08.610
explanatory sentences now let's try to

1:25:08.610,1:25:10.380
find out what you're telling yourself

1:25:10.380,1:25:13.110
you're meeting this individual now what

1:25:13.110,1:25:15.120
do you think your sink is up before you

1:25:15.120,1:25:17.130
get I didn't know what it is that I'm

1:25:17.130,1:25:19.380
not I don't stand up to his expectations

1:25:19.380,1:25:21.360
I'm not quite enough for him he's

1:25:21.360,1:25:23.670
superior to me although I want this type

1:25:23.670,1:25:24.520
of man I'm afraid

1:25:24.520,1:25:26.230
I won't have enough to attract him well

1:25:26.230,1:25:27.640
that's the first part of the sentence

1:25:27.640,1:25:29.350
that might be a true one because maybe

1:25:29.350,1:25:31.960
he could be spirit to you in some ways

1:25:31.960,1:25:33.640
maybe he wouldn't be attracted to you

1:25:33.640,1:25:35.080
but that would never upset you if you

1:25:35.080,1:25:37.480
were only saying that I think he may be

1:25:37.480,1:25:38.980
superior to me now you're adding a

1:25:38.980,1:25:42.010
second sentence to that which is if this

1:25:42.010,1:25:45.160
is so that would be awful

1:25:45.160,1:25:46.750
well not quite so extreme as that

1:25:46.750,1:25:48.100
because I thought about that too it

1:25:48.100,1:25:50.230
usually I've missed my chance again

1:25:50.230,1:25:52.960
because when I want to become I want to

1:25:52.960,1:25:54.460
show the very best of myself because I

1:25:54.460,1:25:56.110
think I have self-confidence and I have

1:25:56.110,1:25:58.210
enough to offer when I get afraid like

1:25:58.210,1:26:00.250
that then I show all the bad qualities i

1:26:00.250,1:26:05.080
ĂŹm flip on then I'm so much on the

1:26:05.080,1:26:06.820
defensive that I can't show my good

1:26:06.820,1:26:08.650
qualities and it's like I miss my chance

1:26:08.650,1:26:10.300
again there was a good opportunity to be

1:26:10.300,1:26:11.830
close to this man and I Loused it up

1:26:11.830,1:26:13.660
again all right but even let's suppose

1:26:13.660,1:26:15.100
you're saying that and I think you're

1:26:15.100,1:26:16.210
really off but you must be saying

1:26:16.210,1:26:17.530
something else too because if you were

1:26:17.530,1:26:19.810
just saying hell I missed my chance

1:26:19.810,1:26:22.990
again you'd say all right next time I'll

1:26:22.990,1:26:24.460
take advantage of what I learned this

1:26:24.460,1:26:26.110
time and do it a little better now you

1:26:26.110,1:26:28.720
still must be saying if you feel shame

1:26:28.720,1:26:30.880
embarrassment shine there's something

1:26:30.880,1:26:34.000
pretty bad about your error in missing

1:26:34.000,1:26:37.480
your chance again I don't know if this

1:26:37.480,1:26:39.010
follows in contact what you're saying

1:26:39.010,1:26:41.800
but the thing I do feel is that I get

1:26:41.800,1:26:43.420
suspicious then am I the type of woman

1:26:43.420,1:26:45.280
that will only appeal to the ones that

1:26:45.280,1:26:47.080
are

1:26:47.080,1:26:49.570
not my type of guy anyway is there

1:26:49.570,1:26:51.460
something wrong with me am I never going

1:26:51.460,1:26:53.560
to find the kind of man I enjoy I always

1:26:53.560,1:26:55.810
seem to get the other one all right now

1:26:55.810,1:26:56.860
you're getting closer to what I'm

1:26:56.860,1:26:57.730
talking about because you're really

1:26:57.730,1:27:01.630
saying if I am this type of woman that

1:27:01.630,1:27:04.120
none of these good eligible males are

1:27:04.120,1:27:06.220
going to appeal to then that would be

1:27:06.220,1:27:08.290
awful I never get what I want and that

1:27:08.290,1:27:10.990
would really be something frightful

1:27:10.990,1:27:13.120
I don't like thinking of myself that way

1:27:13.120,1:27:14.290
I want to put myself on a higher

1:27:14.290,1:27:15.910
standard I don't like to think that I

1:27:15.910,1:27:18.310
may be just an average Jane Doe so let's

1:27:18.310,1:27:20.350
just suppose for the second argument at

1:27:20.350,1:27:22.360
the moment that that were sir that you

1:27:22.360,1:27:24.640
were an average Jane Doe now would that

1:27:24.640,1:27:27.940
be so terrible would be inconvenient it

1:27:27.940,1:27:29.740
would be unpleasant you wouldn't want it

1:27:29.740,1:27:32.620
but would you get an emotion like

1:27:32.620,1:27:35.470
shyness embarrassment shame out of just

1:27:35.470,1:27:38.020
believing that maybe I'm going to end up

1:27:38.020,1:27:41.560
like Jane Doe I don't know I don't think

1:27:41.560,1:27:42.970
it could because you still would have to

1:27:42.970,1:27:44.890
be saying on some level as I think

1:27:44.890,1:27:47.170
you've just said and it would be very

1:27:47.170,1:27:49.660
bad it would be terrible I would be a

1:27:49.660,1:27:52.270
no-goodnik if I would just watch it I

1:27:52.270,1:27:54.700
don't never get what I want if I were

1:27:54.700,1:27:56.110
just a Jane Doe and I thought I have to

1:27:56.110,1:27:57.730
accept it I'd never get what I want and

1:27:57.730,1:27:58.750
I don't want to live the rest of my life

1:27:58.750,1:28:01.050
with just kicking in well why not

1:28:01.050,1:28:03.070
necessarily so you've never you really

1:28:03.070,1:28:04.330
mean your chances would be reduced

1:28:04.330,1:28:06.940
because we know some icky girls who get

1:28:06.940,1:28:09.820
some splendid men don't yeah if they say

1:28:09.820,1:28:11.260
you're generalizing there you're saying

1:28:11.260,1:28:14.110
it probably would be that I'd have a

1:28:14.110,1:28:15.820
more difficult time but then you're

1:28:15.820,1:28:18.220
jumping to therefore I'd never get at

1:28:18.220,1:28:20.320
all you ain't a catastrophizing there

1:28:20.320,1:28:22.330
that you jump to yes but it feels that

1:28:22.330,1:28:23.710
way to me at the time it seems like

1:28:23.710,1:28:26.020
forever that's right but isn't that a

1:28:26.020,1:28:28.270
vote of non-confidence in you an

1:28:28.270,1:28:30.940
essential vote of non-confidence and the

1:28:30.940,1:28:32.950
non-confidence is because you're saying

1:28:32.950,1:28:35.020
one I don't want to miss out on I think

1:28:35.020,1:28:36.700
I would like to get the kind of a man I

1:28:36.700,1:28:40.600
want and be a in your word superior kind

1:28:40.600,1:28:42.430
of girl who gets a superior kind of man

1:28:42.430,1:28:46.840
yes but if I don't then I'm practically

1:28:46.840,1:28:48.880
on the other side of the chain

1:28:48.880,1:28:51.400
completely a no-goodnik somebody will

1:28:51.400,1:28:52.370
never

1:28:52.370,1:28:54.050
anything that I want which is quite an

1:28:54.050,1:28:58.220
extreme away isn't it yes and that's

1:28:58.220,1:28:59.990
what I call catastrophizing taking a

1:28:59.990,1:29:01.670
true statement and there is a good deal

1:29:01.670,1:29:03.890
truth what you're saying if you didn't

1:29:03.890,1:29:05.390
get the kind of a man you watch it that

1:29:05.390,1:29:07.250
it would be inconvenient annoying

1:29:07.250,1:29:09.680
frustrating which it really would be and

1:29:09.680,1:29:12.020
then saying I'd never possibly get what

1:29:12.020,1:29:13.940
I want and even beyond that you're

1:29:13.940,1:29:15.290
really saying and then I couldn't be a

1:29:15.290,1:29:16.790
happy human being aren't you really

1:29:16.790,1:29:19.130
saying that but let's just look at that

1:29:19.130,1:29:20.540
let's just assume the worst the

1:29:20.540,1:29:22.300
spiritual Russell once said years ago

1:29:22.300,1:29:24.860
assume the worst that you never got at

1:29:24.860,1:29:26.600
all for whatever the reasons may be the

1:29:26.600,1:29:28.520
kind of a man you want look at all the

1:29:28.520,1:29:29.900
other things you could do in life to be

1:29:29.900,1:29:34.250
happy well I don't like the whole

1:29:34.250,1:29:35.780
process I don't even like if I'm going

1:29:35.780,1:29:39.050
through it I don't all right even if it

1:29:39.050,1:29:40.880
wasn't a catastrophe yeah even if I

1:29:40.880,1:29:42.380
didn't look at it as a catastrophe I

1:29:42.380,1:29:43.820
don't like the way I'm living right now

1:29:43.820,1:29:46.070
for example when I meet somebody that

1:29:46.070,1:29:47.210
I'm interested in that could have some

1:29:47.210,1:29:49.580
potential by the way I find I'm not near

1:29:49.580,1:29:52.220
as relaxed with him I worry more should

1:29:52.220,1:29:53.270
I be friendly should I kiss him

1:29:53.270,1:29:54.920
goodnight should I do this if it's just

1:29:54.920,1:29:56.480
a Joe doe and I don't give it on I can

1:29:56.480,1:29:58.520
be anything I want to be I turn out to

1:29:58.520,1:30:00.260
be more of a person when I'm not as

1:30:00.260,1:30:02.540
concerned I don't like the way I'm up

1:30:02.540,1:30:05.060
well I would you're not you're not

1:30:05.060,1:30:06.710
really concerned you're over concerned

1:30:06.710,1:30:08.120
you're anxious because you were just

1:30:08.120,1:30:09.680
concerned you do your best you'd be

1:30:09.680,1:30:10.370
saying yourself

1:30:10.370,1:30:13.160
if I succeed great if I don't succeed

1:30:13.160,1:30:15.530
top right now I won't get what I want

1:30:15.530,1:30:17.660
but you're over consider actions you're

1:30:17.660,1:30:19.730
really saying again that's what you said

1:30:19.730,1:30:21.560
a moment ago if I don't get what I want

1:30:21.560,1:30:23.780
right now I'll never get it and that

1:30:23.780,1:30:25.700
would be so awful that I've got to get

1:30:25.700,1:30:27.320
it right now that causes the anxiety

1:30:27.320,1:30:29.900
doesn't it yes or else work toward it

1:30:29.900,1:30:32.210
yes but if I don't get it right now

1:30:32.210,1:30:33.290
that's alright but I want to feel like

1:30:33.290,1:30:35.660
I'm working toward it yes that you want

1:30:35.660,1:30:37.850
a guarantee I hear my trained ears hear

1:30:37.850,1:30:39.560
you saying I would like a guarantee of

1:30:39.560,1:30:42.170
working towards there are none sir well

1:30:42.170,1:30:43.610
no dr. house

1:30:43.610,1:30:44.900
I don't know why I'm coming out that way

1:30:44.900,1:30:47.000
what I really mean is I want a step

1:30:47.000,1:30:48.320
toward working toward it

1:30:48.320,1:30:51.320
well I bother you I don't know I thought

1:30:51.320,1:30:53.840
well what I was hoping is whatever this

1:30:53.840,1:30:55.700
isn't me why I don't seem to be

1:30:55.700,1:30:57.320
attracting these coming and why seem on

1:30:57.320,1:31:00.860
the defensive why I seem more afraid you

1:31:00.860,1:31:02.480
could help me when it is I'm afraid of

1:31:02.480,1:31:04.160
so I won't do it so much well my

1:31:04.160,1:31:06.170
hypothesis is so far that what you're

1:31:06.170,1:31:09.350
afraid of is not just family with this

1:31:09.350,1:31:11.150
individual man which is really the only

1:31:11.150,1:31:12.770
thing at issue when you go out with a

1:31:12.770,1:31:14.450
new and we're talking about eligible

1:31:14.450,1:31:16.820
males I will rule out the ineligible one

1:31:16.820,1:31:19.100
you're not just afraid that you'll miss

1:31:19.100,1:31:19.940
this one

1:31:19.940,1:31:22.250
you're afraid that you'll miss this one

1:31:22.250,1:31:24.440
and therefore you miss every other and

1:31:24.440,1:31:26.780
therefore you prove that you are really

1:31:26.780,1:31:28.940
not up to getting what you want and

1:31:28.940,1:31:32.000
wouldn't that be awful you're bringing

1:31:32.000,1:31:34.280
in these catastrophe you sound more

1:31:34.280,1:31:36.320
strong in it but that's similar I feel

1:31:36.320,1:31:38.660
like this is Cecilia if I keep this up

1:31:38.660,1:31:40.730
because I think I'm doing there's

1:31:40.730,1:31:42.020
something I'm doing that to be as real a

1:31:42.020,1:31:43.100
person with these men that I'm

1:31:43.100,1:31:44.780
interested as write your defeating your

1:31:44.780,1:31:46.850
own ends but I've done it again if I

1:31:46.850,1:31:48.470
weren't so doggone anxious about trying

1:31:48.470,1:31:50.090
to hook this guy I could be more real

1:31:50.090,1:31:51.800
he's going to enjoy me more if I'm real

1:31:51.800,1:31:54.170
anyway so I'm only giving him the stinky

1:31:54.170,1:31:55.970
part of me right how can anybody I

1:31:55.970,1:31:57.830
respect respect it's a church and that's

1:31:57.830,1:31:59.120
what I am when I don't really come

1:31:59.120,1:32:01.400
through but look how you just devalued

1:32:01.400,1:32:02.840
yourself let's just suppose in sake of

1:32:02.840,1:32:04.880
argument you kept giving the stinky part

1:32:04.880,1:32:07.400
of you a human being another person

1:32:07.400,1:32:08.870
who's trying to get interest in you

1:32:08.870,1:32:11.750
might not like these attributes these

1:32:11.750,1:32:13.730
characteristics of you but I don't think

1:32:13.730,1:32:16.640
he's going to despise you as a person

1:32:16.640,1:32:18.830
who's you are really doing I don't I'm

1:32:18.830,1:32:20.240
writer on myself and I think that's

1:32:20.240,1:32:22.160
exactly of course like me there's not

1:32:22.160,1:32:24.470
enough to me right and I say before if

1:32:24.470,1:32:26.210
people just didn't like you when you

1:32:26.210,1:32:27.770
went through enough of lemon it would be

1:32:27.770,1:32:29.150
hard to go through enough that it would

1:32:29.150,1:32:31.310
be possible you'd eventually find one

1:32:31.310,1:32:33.080
who did like you and whom you like but

1:32:33.080,1:32:34.400
as long as you devalue yourself

1:32:34.400,1:32:36.640
personally in your own eyes you

1:32:36.640,1:32:38.960
complicate the problem enormous ly and

1:32:38.960,1:32:41.240
you're not focusing on how can I be

1:32:41.240,1:32:42.230
myself

1:32:42.230,1:32:44.470
change the traits if you for example

1:32:44.470,1:32:48.590
Hedy let us just say a mangled arm and

1:32:48.590,1:32:51.210
you wouldn't accept your whole person

1:32:51.210,1:32:54.240
being because of this mangled arm then

1:32:54.240,1:32:56.070
you would focus so much on that mangled

1:32:56.070,1:32:57.330
arm that you wouldn't be able to do

1:32:57.330,1:32:58.770
things that you wouldn't otherwise be

1:32:58.770,1:33:01.110
able to do it's almost what I did yes

1:33:01.110,1:33:03.210
yes you say that's exactly so you taking

1:33:03.210,1:33:06.240
a part of you an arm and focusing almost

1:33:06.240,1:33:08.370
completely on that in just to bring it

1:33:08.370,1:33:11.040
down to our own conversation taking a

1:33:11.040,1:33:13.650
part of you your shyness you're not

1:33:13.650,1:33:15.420
being yourself with males and focusing

1:33:15.420,1:33:17.340
so much on that part that you're almost

1:33:17.340,1:33:19.680
making not at the whole of you and you

1:33:19.680,1:33:22.320
get an awful picture of your total self

1:33:22.320,1:33:24.570
because of this defective part and we're

1:33:24.570,1:33:26.460
assuming you and I didn't is effective

1:33:26.460,1:33:27.900
we're not glossing opens they know

1:33:27.900,1:33:29.670
you're doing alright you're not doing

1:33:29.670,1:33:31.920
that well right now you can accept

1:33:31.920,1:33:34.800
yourself for the time being with this

1:33:34.800,1:33:37.290
defective part with these attributes and

1:33:37.290,1:33:39.390
not beat yourself over the head as I see

1:33:39.390,1:33:41.430
of you definitely in doing then it

1:33:41.430,1:33:43.560
becomes a relatively simple problem to

1:33:43.560,1:33:46.010
work and practice to work and practice

1:33:46.010,1:33:49.020
against this negative attribute in other

1:33:49.020,1:33:50.940
words let's get back to that now how to

1:33:50.940,1:33:52.950
be yourself let's just suppose for the

1:33:52.950,1:33:54.270
moment that you really were fully

1:33:54.270,1:33:56.010
accepting yourself with your failings

1:33:56.010,1:33:57.990
alright you know you're going to go how

1:33:57.990,1:33:59.790
you know you're gonna screw up with the

1:33:59.790,1:34:01.920
next man man after that an old

1:34:01.920,1:34:03.330
probability but you're saying alright I

1:34:03.330,1:34:04.740
have to go through a learning process

1:34:04.740,1:34:06.810
that's too bad I won't be very good

1:34:06.810,1:34:09.330
during this while but I'll do it just as

1:34:09.330,1:34:11.070
I would add ice skating where I have to

1:34:11.070,1:34:13.230
fall on my neck for a few times before I

1:34:13.230,1:34:15.060
learned to ice skate okay now let's

1:34:15.060,1:34:17.370
suppose that man if that was so you were

1:34:17.370,1:34:20.400
really accepting you you go out take the

1:34:20.400,1:34:23.040
risks of being you because after all if

1:34:23.040,1:34:25.080
you do in one of these then you have to

1:34:25.080,1:34:27.090
be yourself you're not winning them for

1:34:27.090,1:34:28.680
a day you're not winning them for a fair

1:34:28.680,1:34:30.660
I assume you want to marry one of these

1:34:30.660,1:34:33.380
individuals eventually and be

1:34:33.380,1:34:35.370
relationship I don't think so yeah he

1:34:35.370,1:34:36.480
reaches along alright a long

1:34:36.480,1:34:38.040
relationship in the course of which you

1:34:38.040,1:34:39.690
couldn't ask so we don't want to give

1:34:39.690,1:34:41.910
you something I think well that he'll

1:34:41.910,1:34:43.860
later find that was a role playing good

1:34:43.860,1:34:45.750
thing so you have to eventually be

1:34:45.750,1:34:48.690
yourself now if you really weren't so

1:34:48.690,1:34:51.450
disturbed about these present current

1:34:51.450,1:34:53.760
failings views you could go out and be

1:34:53.760,1:34:56.460
this self of yours ask yourself what do

1:34:56.460,1:34:58.390
I really want to do with

1:34:58.390,1:35:01.390
man to help and join him and have him

1:35:01.390,1:35:03.100
help and join me because that's the

1:35:03.100,1:35:05.380
basic function of life enjoyment which

1:35:05.380,1:35:08.290
we can't lose and you force yourself to

1:35:08.290,1:35:10.990
take the risk of being back because if

1:35:10.990,1:35:12.820
you succeeded great

1:35:12.820,1:35:15.640
if you fail too bad either you not for

1:35:15.640,1:35:17.380
him or he may even not be for you

1:35:17.380,1:35:19.030
because don't forget you said before

1:35:19.030,1:35:20.800
when these men are projecting you assume

1:35:20.800,1:35:23.170
right away it must be my doing a my

1:35:23.170,1:35:25.630
fault you know they may not be your cup

1:35:25.630,1:35:27.820
of tea and you may not be their cup of

1:35:27.820,1:35:30.430
tea and it's nobody's fault it's just

1:35:30.430,1:35:32.710
true incompatible with it yes you say

1:35:32.710,1:35:35.350
yes so if you would really accept

1:35:35.350,1:35:37.540
yourself as you are and then force

1:35:37.540,1:35:39.580
yourself as if you were one of my

1:35:39.580,1:35:41.140
regular patients I would give you this

1:35:41.140,1:35:43.330
homework assignments and then check up

1:35:43.330,1:35:45.070
on you to see whether you can force

1:35:45.070,1:35:47.770
yourself to open your big mouth and be

1:35:47.770,1:35:51.250
you for a while even though it hurt with

1:35:51.250,1:35:54.400
these nails you would find the a you

1:35:54.400,1:35:56.830
would start being yourself and gradually

1:35:56.830,1:35:58.780
laughing off these inefficiencies which

1:35:58.780,1:36:00.970
incidentally are the result of not being

1:36:00.970,1:36:03.070
you but watching yourself from the

1:36:03.070,1:36:05.620
outside while you trying to be you which

1:36:05.620,1:36:07.330
is almost impossible because you can't

1:36:07.330,1:36:09.820
spy on yourself and still be yourself

1:36:09.820,1:36:12.460
very well at the same time no but it

1:36:12.460,1:36:14.920
would become like a habit after a while

1:36:14.920,1:36:17.260
if you took the risks and force yourself

1:36:17.260,1:36:20.080
to as I said open your big mouth and

1:36:20.080,1:36:22.270
even though you thought maybe it'll come

1:36:22.270,1:36:24.610
out badly maybe he won't like me maybe

1:36:24.610,1:36:26.860
I'll lose him complete me and so on and

1:36:26.860,1:36:30.490
so forth then you start swinging in the

1:36:30.490,1:36:33.550
groove and being what you want to be and

1:36:33.550,1:36:35.500
I would almost guarantee that you'd

1:36:35.500,1:36:37.450
become more practice than less

1:36:37.450,1:36:39.520
inefficient especially in terms of the

1:36:39.520,1:36:41.680
shyness because you wouldn't be focusing

1:36:41.680,1:36:43.330
on oh my god isn't this awful how bad I

1:36:43.330,1:36:46.360
am you would be focusing on what a place

1:36:46.360,1:36:49.420
individual this is and how can I enjoy

1:36:49.420,1:36:52.900
him which is the oh the focus well you

1:36:52.900,1:36:54.059
see my relationship

1:36:54.059,1:36:56.070
other way how can I be more attractive

1:36:56.070,1:36:57.989
to him and how can he be pleased by me

1:36:57.989,1:37:01.469
because underneath if I am NOT then I

1:37:01.469,1:37:04.260
cannot enjoy myself I refuse to accept

1:37:04.260,1:37:07.980
myself unless I attract and win this

1:37:07.980,1:37:09.750
good individual isn't that what you

1:37:09.750,1:37:11.639
basically yes and I even go further dr.

1:37:11.639,1:37:14.070
must win when there is one of these men

1:37:14.070,1:37:17.190
I come in contact with and I find that I

1:37:17.190,1:37:18.300
want it called a bit more of a

1:37:18.300,1:37:20.070
relationship well if he accepts me I'm

1:37:20.070,1:37:21.900
going along pretty great I find myself

1:37:21.900,1:37:24.449
constantly on the defensive honestly

1:37:24.449,1:37:26.219
watching the way I see it not drinking

1:37:26.219,1:37:27.900
too much the whole time instead of just

1:37:27.900,1:37:29.520
relaxing a single eater like Mary

1:37:29.520,1:37:31.409
doesn't supposed in psychotherapy you're

1:37:31.409,1:37:32.909
giving a very good illustration of why

1:37:32.909,1:37:36.030
other directors this is business other

1:37:36.030,1:37:38.159
directors it doesn't pay because if you

1:37:38.159,1:37:40.889
really are defining yourself in terms of

1:37:40.889,1:37:42.809
others estimation of you then even when

1:37:42.809,1:37:43.829
you're ahead of the game and you're

1:37:43.829,1:37:45.420
winning them you have to be saved

1:37:45.420,1:37:46.889
yourself will I win them today will I

1:37:46.889,1:37:48.420
win them tomorrow will I keep winning

1:37:48.420,1:37:50.639
them and you're always focused on am i

1:37:50.639,1:37:53.099
doing the thing to please him and you

1:37:53.099,1:37:55.739
never are yourself you never have itself

1:37:55.739,1:37:58.559
while if you're saying what do I want to

1:37:58.559,1:38:00.780
do in life there must be some human

1:38:00.780,1:38:03.329
beings who would like me the way I am

1:38:03.329,1:38:05.849
let's see if this is one of those human

1:38:05.849,1:38:08.639
beings then that's the only way isn't it

1:38:08.639,1:38:11.070
that you can be you see you know we

1:38:11.070,1:38:12.809
haven't got too much car now so let's

1:38:12.809,1:38:15.389
try to get it off on a constructive

1:38:15.389,1:38:17.280
notice more concretely what you can do

1:38:17.280,1:38:19.710
you asked before where you can go how

1:38:19.710,1:38:22.650
you can meet new people I'd say that I

1:38:22.650,1:38:24.630
don't know this particular area but it's

1:38:24.630,1:38:27.360
almost any place if you could do what we

1:38:27.360,1:38:29.219
are talking about really take risks and

1:38:29.219,1:38:31.460
focus on what you want out of life and

1:38:31.460,1:38:34.079
on the fact that it's going to take time

1:38:34.079,1:38:36.179
which unfortunately it does and then

1:38:36.179,1:38:38.099
it's not awful and you are not awful

1:38:38.099,1:38:40.619
while it's taking that time then you can

1:38:40.619,1:38:43.559
leave yourself open unsure lead to all

1:38:43.559,1:38:45.869
kinds of new and counselors and these

1:38:45.869,1:38:48.989
encounters can take place on buses while

1:38:48.989,1:38:50.820
waiting for a streetcar

1:38:50.820,1:38:52.770
they have streetcars in this area at

1:38:52.770,1:38:55.469
cocktail parties anywhere you can talk

1:38:55.469,1:38:58.230
to people who look eligible you can ask

1:38:58.230,1:39:00.329
your friends to get you eligible but

1:39:00.329,1:39:01.470
males

1:39:01.470,1:39:04.020
but the main thing is that you have to

1:39:04.020,1:39:07.740
pay like yourself while you're not doing

1:39:07.740,1:39:12.240
badly and be not be intolerance against

1:39:12.240,1:39:14.760
conditions which are bad and I'm

1:39:14.760,1:39:17.220
agreeing with you that they are now as I

1:39:17.220,1:39:18.720
said I would give you if your aphasia

1:39:18.720,1:39:20.480
mind the homework assignment of

1:39:20.480,1:39:23.820
deliberately very deliberately going out

1:39:23.820,1:39:25.740
and getting yourself into trouble in

1:39:25.740,1:39:27.810
other words taking the most eligible

1:39:27.810,1:39:30.620
males you can find at the moment and

1:39:30.620,1:39:33.690
forcing yourself risking yourself to be

1:39:33.690,1:39:36.630
you are you saying even if it were like

1:39:36.630,1:39:38.430
if I went into a doctor's office to

1:39:38.430,1:39:40.110
start a conversation with him because he

1:39:40.110,1:39:42.330
was attractive to me or he appealed to

1:39:42.330,1:39:44.310
me right if I go so far as to starting

1:39:44.310,1:39:45.720
out a conversation with him personally

1:39:45.720,1:39:49.230
and why not it is an eligible individual

1:39:49.230,1:39:51.240
any kind of an eligible individual I

1:39:51.240,1:39:52.830
know you accept that but that seems

1:39:52.830,1:39:55.590
awfully brazen I symbol X suppose it is

1:39:55.590,1:39:57.120
brazen what have you got to lose the

1:39:57.120,1:39:59.130
worst he can do is reject you and you

1:39:59.130,1:40:01.560
don't have to reject you if you were

1:40:01.560,1:40:03.030
thinking along the lines that we've been

1:40:03.030,1:40:06.480
25 minutes a second so yeah now can you

1:40:06.480,1:40:09.960
try to do that I think I think so in

1:40:09.960,1:40:11.880
order to give me a spurt to go out and

1:40:11.880,1:40:13.650
see you're right that's all I can do is

1:40:13.650,1:40:16.680
be rejected right and that needs you

1:40:16.680,1:40:19.710
intact it just leaves you unfortunately

1:40:19.710,1:40:21.500
not for the moment getting what you want

1:40:21.500,1:40:24.300
so you try to go anywhere in red and

1:40:24.300,1:40:26.730
I'll be very interested in finding out

1:40:26.730,1:40:29.250
what happened oh I'm excited and father

1:40:29.250,1:40:31.260
well it was certainly very nice meeting

1:40:31.260,1:40:35.750
you for thank you doctor

1:40:35.750,1:40:40.640
I enjoyed talking with this interesting

1:40:40.640,1:40:43.310
and I think highly courageous patient

1:40:43.310,1:40:46.550
and thought that it gave a the session

1:40:46.550,1:40:48.590
gave a pretty good illustration of a

1:40:48.590,1:40:50.420
fairly typical session of rational

1:40:50.420,1:40:53.300
emotive psychotherapy how was it typical

1:40:53.300,1:40:57.230
in several ways in the first place I was

1:40:57.230,1:41:01.280
able rather rapidly and quickly to get

1:41:01.280,1:41:02.660
to some of what I think are the

1:41:02.660,1:41:04.670
philosophic cores of the patient's

1:41:04.670,1:41:07.400
disturbances to show her that the reason

1:41:07.400,1:41:11.900
she is feeling shy and the shame frayed

1:41:11.900,1:41:15.560
in this instance is because even though

1:41:15.560,1:41:18.530
partially unwittingly she is defining

1:41:18.530,1:41:20.860
herself in a very negative way or

1:41:20.860,1:41:23.690
devaluing herself by blaming herself too

1:41:23.690,1:41:26.740
much for imperfect behavior because

1:41:26.740,1:41:29.390
perfectionism is the root of most human

1:41:29.390,1:41:31.910
evils and she was showing some fairly

1:41:31.910,1:41:35.120
typical perfectionistic notions so very

1:41:35.120,1:41:37.010
quickly as is usually done in rational

1:41:37.010,1:41:39.620
emotive psychotherapy we skip some of

1:41:39.620,1:41:42.110
the asides we skip going back into the

1:41:42.110,1:41:43.970
history of some of the psycho analysts

1:41:43.970,1:41:47.420
do and we skip some of the transference

1:41:47.420,1:41:50.630
relations between us and the patient and

1:41:50.630,1:41:53.930
we skip some of the nonverbal expression

1:41:53.930,1:41:55.970
not that we think these things are quite

1:41:55.970,1:41:57.650
unimportant that we think there are

1:41:57.650,1:42:00.410
relatively little relevance to the basic

1:42:00.410,1:42:02.390
core of the patient's disturbance which

1:42:02.390,1:42:05.120
is her philosophy of life typically

1:42:05.120,1:42:07.550
again this patient showed both anxiety

1:42:07.550,1:42:10.850
and low frustration tolerance which most

1:42:10.850,1:42:12.560
patients showed and these were

1:42:12.560,1:42:16.550
intertwined and again very usually she

1:42:16.550,1:42:18.650
was then beating herself over the head

1:42:18.650,1:42:20.570
blaming herself condemning herself for

1:42:20.570,1:42:25.220
feeling these kinds of feelings now she

1:42:25.220,1:42:27.440
did not see very clearly at least I

1:42:27.440,1:42:28.430
thought so at the beginning of the

1:42:28.430,1:42:31.490
session exactly what the claritin

1:42:31.490,1:42:33.530
sentences and exclamatory sentences she

1:42:33.530,1:42:35.780
was telling herself to create these

1:42:35.780,1:42:37.960
feelings and I endeavoured to show her

1:42:37.960,1:42:40.820
some of these sentences and what could

1:42:40.820,1:42:42.920
be done about it

1:42:42.920,1:42:44.810
among other things I also though briefly

1:42:44.810,1:42:47.060
because this is just one brief session

1:42:47.060,1:42:49.310
tried to give her a homework assignment

1:42:49.310,1:42:51.380
that you could go and get her teeth into

1:42:51.380,1:42:54.949
and actively try to do 2d propagandize

1:42:54.949,1:42:57.560
herself by going out and taking risks

1:42:57.560,1:42:59.510
which normally up to now she hadn't been

1:42:59.510,1:43:02.360
taking that much of it's interesting to

1:43:02.360,1:43:03.949
note that again quite typically in this

1:43:03.949,1:43:06.050
session although I was attacking fairly

1:43:06.050,1:43:07.910
vigorously the patient's attitudes or

1:43:07.910,1:43:10.850
philosophies she did not feel an attack

1:43:10.850,1:43:13.310
on her she felt that I was supporting

1:43:13.310,1:43:16.100
her anything and she ended up I thought

1:43:16.100,1:43:18.020
rather optimistically feeling that I had

1:43:18.020,1:43:20.239
given her several ideas of what she

1:43:20.239,1:43:23.090
could do in the future again rather

1:43:23.090,1:43:25.750
typically in this session I kept

1:43:25.750,1:43:28.790
persuading the patients and attacking

1:43:28.790,1:43:31.280
her ideas and showing her that her

1:43:31.280,1:43:34.670
philosophy of life not only was such and

1:43:34.670,1:43:36.860
such but that if she stuck to this kind

1:43:36.860,1:43:38.600
of philosophy she had to get negative

1:43:38.600,1:43:41.660
and self-defeating results from it and

1:43:41.660,1:43:45.920
then I kept persistently going on even

1:43:45.920,1:43:48.140
though a time she became defensive and

1:43:48.140,1:43:50.330
wasn't quite accepting by any means what

1:43:50.330,1:43:51.650
I was saying

1:43:51.650,1:43:54.830
I didn't let this bother me but kept

1:43:54.830,1:43:58.340
going on against her basic core system

1:43:58.340,1:44:00.770
her value system because this is again

1:44:00.770,1:44:03.020
what bothers patients that they give up

1:44:03.020,1:44:05.300
very easily on attacking their own

1:44:05.300,1:44:07.250
negative evaluations of themselves and

1:44:07.250,1:44:10.219
therefore they persist forever now the

1:44:10.219,1:44:11.989
world limitations of course especially

1:44:11.989,1:44:14.929
in terms of time through the session and

1:44:14.929,1:44:17.600
these limitations did have some effect

1:44:17.600,1:44:19.790
for example it wasn't a not enough time

1:44:19.790,1:44:21.860
for repetition in several sessions I

1:44:21.860,1:44:23.840
would have gone over much of the same

1:44:23.840,1:44:25.730
material until I was sure that hadn't

1:44:25.730,1:44:27.650
sunk in then I would have had time to

1:44:27.650,1:44:30.170
get feedback from the patient to see

1:44:30.170,1:44:32.270
whether she really understood in action

1:44:32.270,1:44:33.650
in particular what I was talking about

1:44:33.650,1:44:35.420
and whether she was following it up or

1:44:35.420,1:44:38.090
leading herself up some other diverting

1:44:38.090,1:44:41.210
pathway which people can do there was no

1:44:41.210,1:44:43.370
time to emphasize that she would have to

1:44:43.370,1:44:46.850
continually reassess her evaluations of

1:44:46.850,1:44:48.650
herself and her general philosophies and

1:44:48.650,1:44:52.010
do rethinking for the rest of the life

1:44:52.010,1:44:53.869
time to show the patient very much that

1:44:53.869,1:44:55.670
even during this session in relation to

1:44:55.670,1:44:57.530
me and what she was saying about herself

1:44:57.530,1:44:59.840
that she was displaying her bad

1:44:59.840,1:45:03.019
attitudes toward herself and finally

1:45:03.019,1:45:04.789
there was no occasion because this was

1:45:04.789,1:45:07.969
an individual session to see how she

1:45:07.969,1:45:10.250
related specifically to other non

1:45:10.250,1:45:12.139
therapists so she would in group therapy

1:45:12.139,1:45:14.960
and in the midst of this group situation

1:45:14.960,1:45:16.760
to show her exactly what was going on

1:45:16.760,1:45:19.369
and what she could do about it but I do

1:45:19.369,1:45:22.719
feel hope hopeful about the session and

1:45:22.719,1:45:25.190
think that perhaps I was able to at

1:45:25.190,1:45:27.650
least to give the patient a few ideas

1:45:27.650,1:45:29.599
which he could then go out and work on

1:45:29.599,1:45:32.420
on her own because unless patients do

1:45:32.420,1:45:34.849
work themselves with the material that

1:45:34.849,1:45:37.449
we therapists give them in psychotherapy

1:45:37.449,1:45:40.159
nothing eventually happens it isn't any

1:45:40.159,1:45:42.230
magic that we have for them but we can

1:45:42.230,1:45:45.289
give them certain catalytic ideas and

1:45:45.289,1:45:47.659
influences which then if they work and

1:45:47.659,1:45:49.969
practice at work and practice that will

1:45:49.969,1:45:54.000
do them good for the rest of their lives