[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.73,0:00:03.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So here's the good news about families.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.62,0:00:05.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The last 50 years have seen a revolution
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.87,0:00:07.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in what it means to be a family.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.92,0:00:10.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have blended families, adopted families,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.22,0:00:12.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have nuclear families living in separate houses
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.52,0:00:15.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and divorced families living in the same house.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.40,0:00:18.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But through it all, the family has grown stronger.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.46,0:00:21.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Eight in 10 say the family they have today
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.01,0:00:25.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is as strong or stronger than the family they grew up in.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.55,0:00:27.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, here's the bad news.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.53,0:00:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nearly everyone is completely overwhelmed
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.93,0:00:32.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by the chaos of family life.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.24,0:00:34.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every parent I know, myself included,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.30,0:00:36.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,feels like we're constantly playing defense.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.90,0:00:39.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just when our kids stop teething, they start having tantrums.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.95,0:00:41.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just when they stop needing our help taking a bath,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.99,0:00:45.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they need our help dealing with cyberstalking or bullying.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.19,0:00:47.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And here's the worst news of all.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.88,0:00:50.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our children sense we're out of control.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.80,0:00:53.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ellen Galinsky of the Families and Work Institute
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.87,0:00:56.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,asked 1,000 children, "If you were granted
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.15,0:00:59.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one wish about your parents, what would it be?"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.58,0:01:01.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The parents predicted the kids would say,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.90,0:01:04.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,spending more time with them.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.76,0:01:07.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They were wrong. The kids' number one wish?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.61,0:01:11.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That their parents be less tired and less stressed.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.96,0:01:14.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So how can we change this dynamic?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.06,0:01:17.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are there concrete things we can do to reduce stress,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.28,0:01:19.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,draw our family closer,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.14,0:01:23.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and generally prepare our children to enter the world?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.100,0:01:27.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spent the last few years trying to answer that question,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.19,0:01:30.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,traveling around, meeting families, talking to scholars,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.22,0:01:33.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,experts ranging from elite peace negotiators
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.28,0:01:37.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to Warren Buffett's bankers to the Green Berets.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.32,0:01:40.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was trying to figure out, what do happy families do right
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.69,0:01:45.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what can I learn from them to make my family happier?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.68,0:01:47.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to tell you about one family that I met,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.54,0:01:50.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and why I think they offer clues.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.16,0:01:53.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At 7 p.m. on a Sunday in Hidden Springs, Idaho,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.15,0:01:55.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where the six members of the Starr family are sitting down
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.46,0:01:58.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the highlight of their week: the family meeting.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.70,0:02:00.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Starrs are a regular American family
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.92,0:02:03.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with their share of regular American family problems.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.67,0:02:06.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,David is a software engineer. Eleanor takes care
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.46,0:02:09.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of their four children, ages 10 to 15.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.26,0:02:12.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of those kids tutors math on the far side of town.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.28,0:02:14.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One has lacrosse on the near side of town.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.79,0:02:18.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One has Asperger syndrome. One has ADHD.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.30,0:02:21.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We were living in complete chaos," Eleanor said.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.62,0:02:24.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What the Starrs did next, though, was surprising.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.97,0:02:27.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead of turning to friends or relatives,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.74,0:02:30.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they looked to David's workplace.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.45,0:02:33.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They turned to a cutting-edge program called agile development
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.23,0:02:36.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that was just spreading from manufacturers in Japan
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.30,0:02:39.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to startups in Silicon Valley.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.27,0:02:42.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In agile, workers are organized into small groups
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.14,0:02:44.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and do things in very short spans of time.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.83,0:02:47.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So instead of having executives issue grand proclamations,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.77,0:02:50.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the team in effect manages itself.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.97,0:02:53.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have constant feedback. You have daily update sessions.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.60,0:02:57.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have weekly reviews. You're constantly changing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.22,0:03:00.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,David said when they brought this system into their home,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.42,0:03:03.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the family meetings in particular increased communication,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.83,0:03:06.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,decreased stress, and made everybody
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.21,0:03:09.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,happier to be part of the family team.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.31,0:03:12.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When my wife and I adopted these family meetings and other techniques
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.30,0:03:15.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into the lives of our then-five-year-old twin daughters,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.81,0:03:19.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was the biggest single change we made since our daughters were born.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.87,0:03:22.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And these meetings had this effect
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.06,0:03:24.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while taking under 20 minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.56,0:03:26.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what is Agile, and why can it help
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.71,0:03:29.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with something that seems so different, like families?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.44,0:03:31.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 1983, Jeff Sutherland was a technologist
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.79,0:03:34.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at a financial firm in New England.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.11,0:03:37.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was very frustrated with how software got designed.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.12,0:03:39.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Companies followed the waterfall method, right,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.88,0:03:42.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in which executives issued orders that slowly trickled down
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.94,0:03:44.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to programmers below,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.55,0:03:47.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and no one had ever consulted the programmers.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.20,0:03:49.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Eighty-three percent of projects failed.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.78,0:03:52.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They were too bloated or too out of date
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.18,0:03:54.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by the time they were done.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.86,0:03:57.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sutherland wanted to create a system where
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.30,0:04:01.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ideas didn't just percolate down but could percolate up from the bottom
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.48,0:04:04.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and be adjusted in real time.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.03,0:04:07.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He read 30 years of Harvard Business Review
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.09,0:04:09.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,before stumbling upon an article in 1986
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.88,0:04:12.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,called "The New New Product Development Game."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.96,0:04:15.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It said that the pace of business was quickening --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.21,0:04:17.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and by the way, this was in 1986 --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.34,0:04:21.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the most successful companies were flexible.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.31,0:04:23.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It highlighted Toyota and Canon
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.09,0:04:27.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and likened their adaptable, tight-knit teams to rugby scrums.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.39,0:04:29.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As Sutherland told me, we got to that article,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.76,0:04:31.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and said, "That's it."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.92,0:04:34.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In Sutherland's system, companies don't use
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.64,0:04:37.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,large, massive projects that take two years.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.64,0:04:38.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They do things in small chunks.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.87,0:04:41.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nothing takes longer than two weeks.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.32,0:04:43.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So instead of saying, "You guys go off into that bunker
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.38,0:04:46.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and come back with a cell phone or a social network,"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.39,0:04:48.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you say, "You go off and come up with one element,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.82,0:04:51.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then bring it back. Let's talk about it. Let's adapt."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.34,0:04:54.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You succeed or fail quickly.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.95,0:04:58.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Today, agile is used in a hundred countries,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.11,0:05:01.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's sweeping into management suites.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.05,0:05:03.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Inevitably, people began taking some of these techniques
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.56,0:05:05.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and applying it to their families.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.84,0:05:08.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You had blogs pop up, and some manuals were written.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.41,0:05:10.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even the Sutherlands told me that they had
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.31,0:05:11.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an Agile Thanksgiving,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.82,0:05:14.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where you had one group of people working on the food,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.33,0:05:17.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one setting the table, and one greeting visitors at the door.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.66,0:05:21.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sutherland said it was the best Thanksgiving ever.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.18,0:05:23.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So let's take one problem that families face,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.86,0:05:26.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,crazy mornings, and talk about how agile can help.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.88,0:05:29.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A key plank is accountability,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.04,0:05:30.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so teams use information radiators,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.84,0:05:34.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these large boards in which everybody is accountable.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.60,0:05:36.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the Starrs, in adapting this to their home,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.54,0:05:38.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,created a morning checklist
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.20,0:05:41.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in which each child is expected to tick off chores.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.79,0:05:44.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So on the morning I visited, Eleanor came downstairs,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.17,0:05:46.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,poured herself a cup of coffee, sat in a reclining chair,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.88,0:05:48.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she sat there,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.39,0:05:51.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kind of amiably talking to each of her children
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.38,0:05:53.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as one after the other they came downstairs,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.38,0:05:55.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,checked the list, made themselves breakfast,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.74,0:05:58.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,checked the list again, put the dishes in the dishwasher,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.53,0:06:01.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rechecked the list, fed the pets or whatever chores they had,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.65,0:06:04.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,checked the list once more, gathered their belongings,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.07,0:06:06.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and made their way to the bus.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.71,0:06:10.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was one of the most astonishing family dynamics I have ever seen.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.78,0:06:13.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I strenuously objected this would never work in our house,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.93,0:06:16.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our kids needed way too much monitoring,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.11,0:06:17.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Eleanor looked at me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.41,0:06:18.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"That's what I thought," she said.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.58,0:06:20.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I told David, 'keep your work out of my kitchen.'
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.90,0:06:22.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I was wrong."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.52,0:06:24.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I turned to David: "So why does it work?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.62,0:06:27.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said, "You can't underestimate the power of doing this."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.56,0:06:29.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he made a checkmark.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.09,0:06:31.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said, "In the workplace, adults love it.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.23,0:06:33.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With kids, it's heaven."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.70,0:06:36.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The week we introduced a morning checklist into our house,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.54,0:06:40.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it cut parental screaming in half. (Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.69,0:06:43.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the real change didn't come until we had these family meetings.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.77,0:06:47.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So following the agile model, we ask three questions:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.10,0:06:49.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What worked well in our family this week,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.02,0:06:53.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what didn't work well, and what will we agree to work on in the week ahead?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.18,0:06:54.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone throws out suggestions
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.76,0:06:57.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then we pick two to focus on.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.50,0:07:01.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And suddenly the most amazing things started coming out of our daughters' mouths.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.40,0:07:03.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What worked well this week?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.52,0:07:06.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Getting over our fear of riding bikes. Making our beds.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.44,0:07:09.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What didn't work well? Our math sheets,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.35,0:07:12.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or greeting visitors at the door.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.54,0:07:15.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like a lot of parents, our kids are something like Bermuda Triangles.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.96,0:07:18.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like, thoughts and ideas go in, but none ever comes out,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.51,0:07:20.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean at least not that are revealing.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.04,0:07:23.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This gave us access suddenly to their innermost thoughts.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.81,0:07:25.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the most surprising part was when we turned to,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.59,0:07:28.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what are we going to work on in the week ahead?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.25,0:07:30.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, the key idea of agile is that
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.26,0:07:32.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,teams essentially manage themselves,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.07,0:07:35.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it works in software and it turns out that it works with kids.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.41,0:07:37.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our kids love this process.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.10,0:07:39.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So they would come up with all these ideas.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.29,0:07:41.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, greet five visitors at the door this week,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.34,0:07:43.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get an extra 10 minutes of reading before bed.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.90,0:07:46.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kick someone, lose desserts for a month.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.72,0:07:48.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It turns out, by the way, our girls are little Stalins.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.88,0:07:51.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We constantly have to kind of dial them back.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.83,0:07:53.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now look, naturally there's a gap between
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.82,0:07:57.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their kind of conduct in these meetings and their behavior the rest of the week,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.19,0:07:59.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the truth is it didn't really bother us.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.30,0:08:01.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It felt like we were kind of laying these underground cables
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.65,0:08:04.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that wouldn't light up their world for many years to come.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.98,0:08:07.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Three years later -- our girls are almost eight now --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.41,0:08:09.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're still holding these meetings.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.85,0:08:14.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My wife counts them among her most treasured moments as a mom.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.58,0:08:16.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what did we learn?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.96,0:08:19.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The word "agile" entered the lexicon in 2001
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.46,0:08:21.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when Jeff Sutherland and a group of designers
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.66,0:08:25.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,met in Utah and wrote a 12-point Agile Manifesto.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.80,0:08:29.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think the time is right for an Agile Family Manifesto.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.33,0:08:32.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've taken some ideas from the Starrs and from many other families I met.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.70,0:08:35.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm proposing three planks.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.46,0:08:39.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Plank number one: Adapt all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.03,0:08:40.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I became a parent, I figured, you know what?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.82,0:08:43.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We'll set a few rules and we'll stick to them.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.91,0:08:47.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That assumes, as parents, we can anticipate every problem that's going to arise.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.56,0:08:50.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can't. What's great about the agile system
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.100,0:08:52.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is you build in a system of change
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.86,0:08:55.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that you can react to what's happening to you in real time.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.89,0:08:57.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like they say in the Internet world:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.34,0:09:00.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you're doing the same thing today you were doing six months ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.08,0:09:01.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're doing the wrong thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.74,0:09:04.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Parents can learn a lot from that.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.65,0:09:07.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But to me, "adapt all the time" means something deeper, too.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.96,0:09:10.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to break parents out of this straitjacket
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.34,0:09:12.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the only ideas we can try at home
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.67,0:09:16.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are ones that come from shrinks or self-help gurus
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.04,0:09:18.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or other family experts.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.36,0:09:20.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The truth is, their ideas are stale,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.63,0:09:22.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whereas in all these other worlds there are these new ideas
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.93,0:09:26.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to make groups and teams work effectively.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.25,0:09:27.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's just take a few examples.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.39,0:09:30.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's take the biggest issue of all: family dinner.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.61,0:09:32.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everybody knows that having family dinner
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.66,0:09:34.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with your children is good for the kids.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.99,0:09:37.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But for so many of us, it doesn't work in our lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.95,0:09:40.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I met a celebrity chef in New Orleans who said,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.22,0:09:42.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"No problem, I'll just time-shift family dinner.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.60,0:09:44.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not home, can't make family dinner?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.74,0:09:47.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We'll have family breakfast. We'll meet for a bedtime snack.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.73,0:09:50.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We'll make Sunday meals more important."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.60,0:09:54.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the truth is, recent research backs him up.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.15,0:09:57.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It turns out there's only 10 minutes of productive time
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.06,0:09:58.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in any family meal.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.90,0:10:02.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The rest of it's taken up with "take your elbows off the table" and "pass the ketchup."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.81,0:10:04.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can take that 10 minutes and move it
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.85,0:10:08.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to any part of the day and have the same benefit.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.13,0:10:10.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So time-shift family dinner. That's adaptability.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.96,0:10:13.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,An environmental psychologist told me,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.25,0:10:16.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"If you're sitting in a hard chair on a rigid surface,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.58,0:10:18.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you'll be more rigid.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.03,0:10:21.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're sitting on a cushioned chair, you'll be more open."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.93,0:10:23.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She told me, "When you're discipling your children,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.54,0:10:25.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sit in an upright chair with a cushioned surface.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.94,0:10:28.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The conversation will go better."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.49,0:10:32.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My wife and I actually moved where we sit for difficult conversations
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.11,0:10:34.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I was sitting above in the power position.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.93,0:10:37.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So move where you sit. That's adaptability.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.97,0:10:41.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The point is there are all these new ideas out there.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.32,0:10:43.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We've got to hook them up with parents.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.71,0:10:46.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So plank number one: Adapt all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.14,0:10:50.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Be flexible, be open-minded, let the best ideas win.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.58,0:10:54.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Plank number two: Empower your children.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.67,0:10:57.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our instinct as parents is to order our kids around.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.69,0:11:00.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's easier, and frankly, we're usually right.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.28,0:11:02.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a reason that few systems have been more
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.34,0:11:05.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,waterfall over time than the family.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.40,0:11:07.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the single biggest lesson we learned
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.21,0:11:10.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to reverse the waterfall as much as possible.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.10,0:11:13.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Enlist the children in their own upbringing.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.97,0:11:15.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just yesterday, we were having our family meeting,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.85,0:11:18.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we had voted to work on overreacting.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.73,0:11:22.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we said, "Okay, give us a reward and give us a punishment. Okay?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.03,0:11:26.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So one of my daughters threw out, you get five minutes of overreacting time all week.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.60,0:11:28.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we kind of liked that.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:28.36,0:11:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then her sister started working the system.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.00,0:11:33.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She said, "Do I get one five-minute overreaction
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.14,0:11:36.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or can I get 10 30-second overreactions?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.61,0:11:38.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I loved that. Spend the time however you want.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.84,0:11:41.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now give us a punishment. Okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.11,0:11:46.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we get 15 minutes of overreaction time, that's the limit.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.01,0:11:49.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every minute above that, we have to do one pushup.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.44,0:11:52.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you see, this is working. Now look, this system isn't lax.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.82,0:11:55.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's plenty of parental authority going on.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.55,0:11:58.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we're giving them practice becoming independent,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.26,0:12:00.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which of course is our ultimate goal.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.83,0:12:03.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just as I was leaving to come here tonight,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.15,0:12:04.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of my daughters started screaming.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.97,0:12:07.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other one said, "Overreaction! Overreaction!"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.49,0:12:10.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and started counting, and within 10 seconds it had ended.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.42,0:12:13.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To me that is a certified agile miracle.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.93,0:12:16.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.13,0:12:20.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And by the way, research backs this up too.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.87,0:12:24.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Children who plan their own goals, set weekly schedules,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.44,0:12:28.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,evaluate their own work build up their frontal cortex
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.37,0:12:32.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and take more control over their lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.60,0:12:35.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The point is, we have to let our children succeed on their own terms,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.75,0:12:38.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and yes, on occasion, fail on their own terms.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.85,0:12:40.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was talking to Warren Buffett's banker,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.60,0:12:42.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he was chiding me for not letting my children
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.84,0:12:45.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,make mistakes with their allowance.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:45.51,0:12:47.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "But what if they drive into a ditch?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.49,0:12:49.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said, "It's much better to drive into a ditch
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.63,0:12:53.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a $6 allowance than a $60,000-a-year salary
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.06,0:12:55.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or a $6 million inheritance."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.73,0:12:58.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the bottom line is, empower your children.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.21,0:13:02.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Plank number three: Tell your story.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.100,0:13:06.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Adaptability is fine, but we also need bedrock.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.96,0:13:08.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jim Collins, the author of "Good To Great,"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.90,0:13:11.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,told me that successful human organizations of any kind
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.60,0:13:13.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have two things in common:
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.12,0:13:16.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they preserve the core, they stimulate progress.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.41,0:13:18.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So agile is great for stimulating progress,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:18.62,0:13:21.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I kept hearing time and again, you need to preserve the core.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.90,0:13:23.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So how do you do that?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.96,0:13:26.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Collins coached us on doing something
Dialogue: 0,0:13:26.16,0:13:28.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that businesses do, which is define your mission
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.95,0:13:31.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and identify your core values.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.34,0:13:34.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So he led us through the process of creating a family mission statement.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.90,0:13:37.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We did the family equivalent of a corporate retreat.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.16,0:13:39.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We had a pajama party.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.47,0:13:43.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I made popcorn. Actually, I burned one, so I made two.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.03,0:13:43.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My wife bought a flip chart.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.90,0:13:46.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we had this great conversation, like, what's important to us?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:46.52,0:13:48.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What values do we most uphold?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.64,0:13:50.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we ended up with 10 statements.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.40,0:13:52.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are travelers, not tourists.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.37,0:13:56.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't like dilemmas. We like solutions.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.04,0:13:59.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Again, research shows that parents should spend less time
Dialogue: 0,0:13:59.28,0:14:01.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,worrying about what they do wrong
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.62,0:14:04.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and more time focusing on what they do right,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.77,0:14:08.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,worry less about the bad times and build up the good times.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:08.88,0:14:11.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This family mission statement is a great way to identify
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.62,0:14:14.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what it is that you do right.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:14.14,0:14:16.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A few weeks later, we got a call from the school.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.43,0:14:18.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of our daughters had gotten into a spat.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.42,0:14:20.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And suddenly we were worried, like, do we have a mean girl on our hands?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:20.77,0:14:22.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we didn't really know what to do,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.03,0:14:23.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we called her into my office.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.46,0:14:25.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The family mission statement was on the wall,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.11,0:14:28.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my wife said, "So, anything up there seem to apply?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.22,0:14:31.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she kind of looked down the list, and she said,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.10,0:14:32.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Bring people together?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.83,0:14:36.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suddenly we had a way into the conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.28,0:14:37.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another great way to tell your story
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.62,0:14:40.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to tell your children where they came from.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:40.91,0:14:43.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Researchers at Emory gave children a simple
Dialogue: 0,0:14:43.61,0:14:45.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"what do you know" test.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.69,0:14:47.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you know where your grandparents were born?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.77,0:14:50.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you know where your parents went to high school?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:50.24,0:14:52.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you know anybody in your family
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.02,0:14:56.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who had a difficult situation, an illness, and they overcame it?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:56.02,0:14:59.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The children who scored highest on this "do you know" scale
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.59,0:15:04.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had the highest self-esteem and a greater sense they could control their lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:04.16,0:15:07.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The "do you know" test was the single biggest predictor
Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.41,0:15:10.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of emotional health and happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.12,0:15:12.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As the author of the study told me,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.29,0:15:16.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,children who have a sense of -- they're part of a larger narrative
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.14,0:15:19.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have greater self-confidence.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:19.10,0:15:22.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So my final plank is, tell your story.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.08,0:15:26.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Spend time retelling the story of your family's positive moments
Dialogue: 0,0:15:26.07,0:15:28.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how you overcame the negative ones.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:28.91,0:15:31.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you give children this happy narrative,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:31.36,0:15:37.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you give them the tools to make themselves happier.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:37.07,0:15:39.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a teenager when I first read "Anna Karenina"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:39.50,0:15:41.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and its famous opening sentence,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.25,0:15:43.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"All happy families are alike.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:43.21,0:15:47.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.30,0:15:50.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I first read that, I thought, "That sentence is inane.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.52,0:15:53.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course all happy families aren't alike."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:53.65,0:15:55.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But as I began working on this project,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:55.99,0:15:58.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I began changing my mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:58.70,0:16:01.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Recent scholarship has allowed us, for the first time,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:01.25,0:16:03.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to identify the building blocks
Dialogue: 0,0:16:03.99,0:16:06.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that successful families have.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:06.96,0:16:09.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've mentioned just three here today:
Dialogue: 0,0:16:09.11,0:16:14.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Adapt all the time, empower the children, tell your story.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.29,0:16:18.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it possible, all these years later, to say Tolstoy was right?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:18.66,0:16:22.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The answer, I believe, is yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:22.04,0:16:24.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When Leo Tolstoy was five years old,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.75,0:16:26.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,his brother Nikolay came to him
Dialogue: 0,0:16:26.49,0:16:29.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and said he had engraved the secret to universal happiness
Dialogue: 0,0:16:29.46,0:16:32.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on a little green stick, which he had hidden
Dialogue: 0,0:16:32.24,0:16:35.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a ravine on the family's estate in Russia.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.36,0:16:39.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If the stick were ever found, all humankind would be happy.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:39.79,0:16:45.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tolstoy became consumed with that stick, but he never found it.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:45.29,0:16:49.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, he asked to be buried in that ravine where he thought it was hidden.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:49.64,0:16:54.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He still lies there today, covered in a layer of green grass.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:54.18,0:16:56.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That story perfectly captures for me
Dialogue: 0,0:16:56.74,0:16:58.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the final lesson that I learned:
Dialogue: 0,0:16:58.94,0:17:01.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Happiness is not something we find,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:01.61,0:17:04.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's something we make.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:04.50,0:17:07.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Almost anybody who's looked at well-run organizations
Dialogue: 0,0:17:07.77,0:17:10.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has come to pretty much the same conclusion.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:10.76,0:17:13.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Greatness is not a matter of circumstance.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:13.14,0:17:16.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a matter of choice.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:16.01,0:17:19.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't need some grand plan. You don't need a waterfall.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:19.47,0:17:21.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You just need to take small steps,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:21.66,0:17:23.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,accumulate small wins,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:23.85,0:17:26.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,keep reaching for that green stick.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:26.67,0:17:30.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the end, this may be the greatest lesson of all.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:30.32,0:17:34.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the secret to a happy family? Try.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:34.49,0:17:38.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)