0:00:12.175,0:00:14.353
Wasn't Bred fantastic?

0:00:14.353,0:00:17.145
I thought that was just really terrific,

0:00:17.145,0:00:19.547
but it has left me feeling slightly

0:00:19.547,0:00:21.570
technologically challenged,

0:00:21.570,0:00:23.824
because I haven't got any satellite videos.

0:00:23.824,0:00:25.518
(Laughter)

0:00:25.765,0:00:28.772
Truth to be told, I haven't got any slides either.

0:00:30.055,0:00:31.962
What I thought I would do is I would start

0:00:31.962,0:00:34.209
with a simple request.

0:00:34.209,0:00:38.164
I'd like all of you to pause for a moment,

0:00:38.164,0:00:40.358
you wretched weaklings,

0:00:40.358,0:00:43.584
and take stock of your miserable existence.

0:00:43.584,0:00:45.583
(Laughter)

0:00:47.444,0:00:50.139
That was the advice that Saint Benedict gave

0:00:50.139,0:00:53.590
his rather startled followers in the fifth century.

0:00:53.590,0:00:55.811
It was the advice that I decided to follow myself[br]

0:00:55.811,0:00:57.682
when I turned 40.

0:00:57.682,0:00:59.646
Up until that moment,

0:00:59.646,0:01:02.018
I had been a classic corporate warrior.

0:01:02.018,0:01:04.099
I was eating too much,[br]I was drinking too much, [br]

0:01:04.099,0:01:05.384
I was working too hard

0:01:05.384,0:01:07.730
and I was neglecting my family.

0:01:07.730,0:01:11.405
And I decided that I would try[br]and turn my life around.

0:01:11.405,0:01:14.682
In particular, I decided I would try to address [br]

0:01:14.682,0:01:18.048
the thorny issue of work-life balance.

0:01:18.048,0:01:21.645
So, I stepped back from the workforce

0:01:21.645,0:01:24.998
and I spent a year at home with my wife [br]

0:01:24.998,0:01:27.676
and four young children.

0:01:27.676,0:01:30.907
But all I learnt about work-life balance[br]from that year

0:01:30.907,0:01:36.110
was that I found it quite easy[br]to balance work and life

0:01:36.110,0:01:37.814
when I didn't have any work.

0:01:37.814,0:01:39.960
(Laughter)

0:01:41.130,0:01:43.314
Not a very useful skill, [br]

0:01:43.314,0:01:46.208
especially when the money runs out.

0:01:46.208,0:01:49.149
So I went back to work and I have spent [br]

0:01:49.149,0:01:52.848
these seven years since struggling with,

0:01:52.848,0:01:58.026
studying and writing about work-life balance.

0:01:58.026,0:02:01.985
I have four observations[br]I would like to share with you today.

0:02:01.985,0:02:06.394
The first is, if society[br]is to make any progress on this issue,

0:02:06.394,0:02:09.486
we need a honest debate.

0:02:09.486,0:02:12.126
But the trouble is so many people talk [br]

0:02:12.126,0:02:15.968
so much rubbish about work-life balance.

0:02:15.968,0:02:19.965
All the discussions about flexi-time[br]

0:02:19.980,0:02:23.299
or dress-down Fridays or paternity leave

0:02:23.299,0:02:26.664
only serve to mask the core issue,

0:02:26.664,0:02:30.806
which is that certain job and career choices

0:02:30.806,0:02:34.287
are fundamentally incompatible

0:02:34.287,0:02:36.613
with being meaningfully engaged [br]

0:02:36.613,0:02:41.122
on a day-to-day basis with a young family.

0:02:42.168,0:02:45.060
The first step in solving any problem

0:02:45.060,0:02:48.124
is acknowledging the reality[br]of the situation you're in.

0:02:48.124,0:02:51.650
And the reality of the society that we are in

0:02:51.650,0:02:55.377
is there are thousands and thousands[br]of people out there

0:02:55.377,0:02:59.190
leading lives of quiet,[br]screaming desperation

0:02:59.190,0:03:03.569
where they work long,[br]hard hours at jobs they hate,

0:03:03.569,0:03:05.925
to enable them to buy things[br]they don't need,[br]

0:03:05.971,0:03:08.225
to impress people they don't like.

0:03:08.225,0:03:09.688
(Laughter)

0:03:09.688,0:03:12.440
(Applause)

0:03:12.440,0:03:16.486
It is my contention that going to work[br]on a Friday in jeans and T-shirt

0:03:16.486,0:03:18.949
isn't really getting into the nub of the issue.

0:03:18.949,0:03:20.424
(Laughter)

0:03:20.424,0:03:22.435
(Applause)

0:03:22.435,0:03:24.306
The second observation I'd like to make

0:03:24.306,0:03:26.008
is really to face the truth

0:03:26.008,0:03:28.588
that governments and corporations

0:03:28.588,0:03:31.963
aren't going to solve this issue for us.

0:03:31.963,0:03:33.722
We should stop looking outside. [br]

0:03:33.722,0:03:35.731
It is up to us as individuals

0:03:35.731,0:03:39.695
to take control and responsibility[br]for the type of lives

0:03:39.695,0:03:41.885
that we want to lead.

0:03:41.885,0:03:46.447
If you don't design your life,[br]someone else will design it for you,

0:03:46.447,0:03:50.808
and you may just not like[br]their idea of balance.

0:03:50.808,0:03:53.207
It is particularly important --

0:03:53.207,0:03:55.808
this isn't in the World Wide Web, is it?[br]I am about to get fired.

0:03:55.808,0:04:00.427
It is particularly important[br]that you never put the quality of your life

0:04:00.427,0:04:04.374
in the hands of a commercial corporation.

0:04:04.374,0:04:07.527
I am not talking here just about[br]the bad companies,

0:04:07.527,0:04:09.820
the 'abattoirs of the human soul' as I call them,

0:04:09.820,0:04:11.411
(Laughter)

0:04:12.442,0:04:15.469
I am talking about all companies,

0:04:15.469,0:04:19.361
because commercial companies[br]are inherently desgined

0:04:19.361,0:04:21.481
to get as much out of you

0:04:21.481,0:04:23.555
as they can get away with.

0:04:23.555,0:04:26.853
It's in their nature, it's in their DNA,[br]it's what they do

0:04:26.853,0:04:30.489
even the good,[br]well-intentioned companies.

0:04:30.489,0:04:34.006
On the one hand, putting childcare facilities[br]in the workplace

0:04:34.006,0:04:36.882
is wonderful and enlightened.

0:04:36.882,0:04:39.066
On the other hand,[br]it is a nightmare that just means

0:04:39.066,0:04:43.063
you spend more time at the bloody office.

0:04:43.063,0:04:46.964
We have to be responsible[br]for setting and enforcing

0:04:46.964,0:04:51.757
the boundaries that we want in our life.

0:04:51.757,0:04:55.520
The third observation is we have to be careful

0:04:55.520,0:05:02.321
with the time frame that we choose[br]upon which to judge our balance.

0:05:02.321,0:05:06.007
Before I went back to work[br]after my year at home,

0:05:06.007,0:05:08.544
I sat down and I wrote out

0:05:08.544,0:05:13.307
a detailed, step-by-step description

0:05:13.307,0:05:18.404
of the ideal balanced day that I aspired to.

0:05:18.404,0:05:20.857
And it went like this:

0:05:21.123,0:05:25.298
Wake up well rested[br]after a good night's sleep.

0:05:25.987,0:05:27.422
Have sex.

0:05:27.422,0:05:28.791
(Laughter)

0:05:28.808,0:05:30.543
Walk the dog.

0:05:30.543,0:05:34.071
Have breakfast with my wife and children.

0:05:34.071,0:05:35.954
Have sex again.

0:05:35.970,0:05:37.370
(Laughter)

0:05:38.300,0:05:41.768
Drive the kids to school[br]on the way to the office.

0:05:41.768,0:05:43.964
Do three hours' work.

0:05:43.964,0:05:46.846
Play sport with a friend at lunchtime.

0:05:46.846,0:05:49.078
Do another three hours' work.

0:05:49.078,0:05:52.737
Meet some mates in the pub[br]for an early evening drink.

0:05:52.737,0:05:57.813
Drive home for dinner with my wife and kids.

0:05:57.813,0:06:00.019
Meditate for half an hour.

0:06:00.019,0:06:02.235
Have sex.

0:06:02.235,0:06:04.156
Walk the dog.

0:06:04.156,0:06:05.648
Have sex again.

0:06:05.648,0:06:06.428
(Laughter)

0:06:06.428,0:06:08.058
Go to bed.

0:06:08.699,0:06:11.151
(Applause)

0:06:13.706,0:06:15.610
How often do you think I have that day?

0:06:15.610,0:06:17.348
(Laughter)

0:06:17.955,0:06:20.453
We need to be realistic.

0:06:20.453,0:06:22.947
You can't do it all in one day.

0:06:22.947,0:06:25.618
We need to elongate the time frame

0:06:25.618,0:06:27.666
upon which we judge the balance in our life

0:06:27.666,0:06:31.746
but we need to elongate it[br]without falling into the trap

0:06:31.746,0:06:36.420
of the "I'll have a life when I retire,[br]when my kids have left home,

0:06:36.420,0:06:39.572
when my wife has divorced me,[br]my health is failing,

0:06:39.572,0:06:41.781
I have got no mates or interests left."

0:06:41.781,0:06:43.430
(Laughter)

0:06:43.430,0:06:46.521
A day is too short,[br]"after a retire" is too long.

0:06:46.521,0:06:49.321
It has got to be a middle way.

0:06:50.261,0:06:51.599
The fourth observation:

0:06:51.599,0:06:57.020
we need to approach balance[br]in a balanced way.

0:06:57.020,0:06:58.979
A friend came to see me last year --

0:06:58.979,0:07:00.847
she doesn't mind me telling the story.

0:07:00.847,0:07:02.977
A friend came to see me last year and said[br]

0:07:02.977,0:07:07.446
"Nigel, I've read your book and I have realised my life[br]is completely out of balance.

0:07:07.446,0:07:10.498
It is totally dominated by work.

0:07:10.498,0:07:13.772
I work 10 hours a day,[br]I commute 2 hours a day.

0:07:13.772,0:07:15.431
All my relationships have failed.

0:07:15.431,0:07:18.995
There is nothing in my life[br]apart from my work.

0:07:18.995,0:07:22.327
So I have decided to get a grip and sort it out.

0:07:22.327,0:07:25.176
So I have joined the gym."

0:07:25.176,0:07:26.882
(Laughter)

0:07:27.529,0:07:30.861
Now, I don't mean to mock

0:07:30.861,0:07:34.258
but being a fit,[br]ten-hour-a-day office rat

0:07:34.258,0:07:36.797
isn't more balanced, it is more fit.

0:07:36.797,0:07:38.371
(Laughter)

0:07:40.064,0:07:44.455
Lovely though physical exercise may be,[br]there are other parts to life.

0:07:44.455,0:07:46.504
There is the intellectual side,[br]there is the emotional side,

0:07:46.504,0:07:48.251
there is the spiritual side.

0:07:48.251,0:07:54.168
And to be balanced, I believe[br]we have to attend to all of those areas.

0:07:54.168,0:07:57.370
Not just do 50 stomach crunches.

0:07:57.986,0:08:00.152
That can be daunting,[br]because people say

0:08:00.152,0:08:02.574
"Bloody hell, mate,[br]I haven't got time to get fit

0:08:02.574,0:08:05.157
and you want me to go to church[br]and call my mother."

0:08:05.157,0:08:10.017
And I understand, I truly understand[br]how that can be daunting.

0:08:10.017,0:08:12.729
But an incident that happened[br]a couple of years ago

0:08:12.729,0:08:14.759
gave me a new perspective.

0:08:14.759,0:08:17.806
My wife, who is somewhere[br]in the audience today,

0:08:17.806,0:08:20.844
called me up at the office and said

0:08:20.844,0:08:25.215
"Nigel, you need to pick our youngest son up,[br]Harry, from school."

0:08:25.215,0:08:28.907
She had to be somewhere else[br]with the other three children for that evening.

0:08:28.907,0:08:31.634
So I left work an hour early that afternoon

0:08:31.634,0:08:35.070
and picked Harry up at the school gates.

0:08:35.070,0:08:37.983
We walked down to the local park,

0:08:37.983,0:08:41.098
messed around on the swings,[br]played some silly games.

0:08:41.098,0:08:43.605
I then walked him up the hill to the local café

0:08:43.605,0:08:46.390
and we shared a pizza for tea.

0:08:46.390,0:08:48.874
Then, walked down the hill to our home

0:08:48.874,0:08:53.255
and I gave him a bath and put him[br]in his Batman pijamas.

0:08:53.255,0:08:58.073
I then read him a chapter of Roald Dahl's[br]James and the Giant Peach".

0:08:58.073,0:08:59.824
I then put him to bed, tucked him in,

0:08:59.824,0:09:02.584
gave him a kiss on his forehead[br]and said "Goodnight, mate."

0:09:02.584,0:09:05.197
And walked out of his bedroom.

0:09:05.197,0:09:07.009
As I was walking out of his bedroom,

0:09:07.009,0:09:09.499
he said, "Dad?",[br]I went "Yes, mate?"

0:09:09.499,0:09:13.193
he went,[br]"Dad, this has been the best day of my life.

0:09:13.846,0:09:15.246
Ever."

0:09:17.015,0:09:19.322
I hadn't done anything.

0:09:19.322,0:09:22.472
I hadn't taken him to Disney World[br]or bought him a Playstation.

0:09:22.472,0:09:27.459
Now, my point is the small things matter.

0:09:27.459,0:09:32.522
Being more balanced doesn't mean[br]dramatic upheaval in your life.

0:09:32.522,0:09:36.349
With the smallest investment[br]in the right places

0:09:36.349,0:09:39.979
you can radically transform[br]the quality of your relationships

0:09:39.979,0:09:42.210
and the quality of your life.

0:09:42.210,0:09:46.204
Moreover, I think it can transform society

0:09:46.204,0:09:48.539
because if enough people do it,

0:09:48.539,0:09:52.139
we can change[br]society's definition of success

0:09:52.139,0:09:54.918
away from the moronically simplistic notion

0:09:54.918,0:09:58.339
that the person with the most money[br]when he dies wins,

0:09:58.339,0:10:01.991
to a more thoughtful[br]and balanced definition

0:10:01.991,0:10:05.274
of what a life well-lived looks like.

0:10:05.274,0:10:09.526
And that, I think,[br]is an idea worth spreading.

0:10:09.526,0:10:11.458
(Applause)