HEALTHCARE!!!

So we finally got a healthcare plan.

Are you excited?

Kind of, right? Yeah.

It wasn't really the plan I was hoping for,

it's not an amazing progressive plan.

I really thought we would have universal healthcare,

but that was foolish!

Then I thought we would have a public option,

still overly optimistic,

because we started out with the public option.

In this country, when you start out with a reasonable proposal, it gets watered down,

and I was frustrated that we didn't 
use <i>my</i> healthcare proposal,

cause I had a healthcare proposal ready to go

that nobody listened to,

maybe because I'm a comedian.

My healthcare proposal wasn't so much about a redistribution of wealth.

My healthcare proposal was about a redistribution of organs from rich to poor.

And you're thinking "oh, you mean after rich people <i>die</i>, we would take their organs from them."

Yes, friends, <i>after</i> rich people die,

and after we kill them,

like a bunch of scalpel-wielding 
Robin Hoods in the night...

we would kill these rich people 
and take their organs from them.

Cause there are a lot of poor people 
who need those organs, friends,

for transplants,

and of course, for food.

And as we all know, 
rich people's organs are a delicacy.

Ohhhhh yes, how we would force-feed these rich people organic grains

and get them all plump,

their organs all juicy, succulent,

and of course we'd have them walk around 
their very large estates...

they'd be free range,

they'd be free range rich people.

And then very humanely 
-because they're human beings!-

we would kill these rich people,

and take out their organs,

and we'd feast,

we'd eat a little meal I call justice.

And you're thinking "Hari, that is so unreasonable!"

Yes, friends!

And if we had started out with that proposal,

we'd have the public option by now.

That's all I'm saying!

We'd <i>have</i> the public option by now.

Yes, some of you think 
it's an unreasonable proposal;

I think of it more as a modest proposal.