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HEALTHCARE!!!

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So we finally got a healthcare plan.

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Are you excited?

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Kind of, right? Yeah.

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It wasn't really the plan I was hoping for,

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it's not an amazing progressive plan.

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I really thought we would have universal healthcare,

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but that was foolish!

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Then I thought we would have a public option,

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still overly optimistic,

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because we started out with the public option.

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In this country, when you start out with a reasonable proposal, it gets watered down,

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and I was frustrated that we didn't 
use <i>my</i> healthcare proposal,

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cause I had a healthcare proposal ready to go

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that nobody listened to,

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maybe because I'm a comedian.

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My healthcare proposal wasn't so much about a redistribution of wealth.

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My healthcare proposal was about a redistribution of organs from rich to poor.

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And you're thinking "oh, you mean after rich people <i>die</i>, we would take their organs from them."

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Yes, friends, <i>after</i> rich people die,

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and after we kill them,

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like a bunch of scalpel-wielding 
Robin Hoods in the night...

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we would kill these rich people 
and take their organs from them.

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Cause there are a lot of poor people 
who need those organs, friends,

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for transplants,

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and of course, for food.

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And as we all know, 
rich people's organs are a delicacy.

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Ohhhhh yes, how we would force-feed these rich people organic grains

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and get them all plump,

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their organs all juicy, succulent,

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and of course we'd have them walk around 
their very large estates...

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they'd be free range,

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they'd be free range rich people.

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And then very humanely 
-because they're human beings!-

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we would kill these rich people,

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and take out their organs,

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and we'd feast,

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we'd eat a little meal I call justice.

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And you're thinking "Hari, that is so unreasonable!"

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Yes, friends!

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And if we had started out with that proposal,

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we'd have the public option by now.

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That's all I'm saying!

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We'd <i>have</i> the public option by now.

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Yes, some of you think 
it's an unreasonable proposal;

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I think of it more as a modest proposal.