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One summer evening,

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my eighteen-year-old son Jimmy
said he wanted to talk.

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So, after my wife Joan and I got his three
much younger siblings tucked in

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and read their bedtime stories,

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Joan and I sat down in our bedroom.

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Jimmy came in and closed
the door behind him.

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And he sat down on a chair across
from the bed where we were sitting,

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and says, "Mom and Dad,
I have something important to tell you,

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and it's not a problem, it's not
a bad thing, it's just different."

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We said, "Okay."

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And he looked at us in earnest,
and he said, "I'm gay."

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So, after a few seconds
of deafening silence,

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Joan takes a deep breath and says,
"Jimmy, we will love whoever you love."

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That was about 12 years ago
when he came out to us,

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and I'll have to admit that, at the time,

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Joan and I did think
this could be a problem,

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for his safety, even.

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And as his father, I had this feeling
that, somehow, I had failed him,

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and maybe, because of that, he wouldn't
have a chance to have kids of his own.

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So, I'm a cardiologist,

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and I like to imagine the world through
the eyes of a hunter-gatherer ancestor

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for clues about how to thrive
in the modern world,

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but, viewed in the light of evolution,

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homosexuality seems to be a real
self-defeating non-productive strategy.

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I mean, gays have 80% fewer kids
than heterosexuals.

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This is a trait that ought to go extinct
in a few generations,

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but down through recorded history,

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in every culture,
and many animal species as well,

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homosexuality's been a small,
but distinct subgroup.

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If this were a genetic error,

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natural selection should have long ago
called this from the gene pool.

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So, while I was pondering this,

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this paradox about the natural
origins of homosexuality,

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our babies grew up.

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Jimmy has three younger
siblings who adore him.

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He has this magnetism 
and this charming wit

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that helps them feel happy and relaxed.

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And one day, while contemplating
this "Jimmy effect,"

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it suddenly dawned on me:
homosexuality is not so much about sex;

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it's really more about survival,
the family's survival.

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So us, Homo sapiens, we are among
the most social species on Earth.

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For us, it's not just a kill-or-be-killed
struggle for existence.

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It's a snuggle for existence, you know.

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An ability to love our family
and bond with our group

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determines, in many cases,
whether we survive or perish.

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So it's the survival
of the fittest family,

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not the fittest individual.

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So, you share 50% of your DNA
with your siblings.

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Your nieces and nephews
share 25% of your DNA.

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Frоm evolution's perspective,

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you have the same genetic success
if you raise one child on your own

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or you enable a sibling
to raise two children.

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Frоm evolution's perspective,

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this is all about 
cooperation and altruism.

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Homosexuality is
genetically-programmed altruism.

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Gays are designed by nature
to help us be kind to one another,

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like Ellen DeGeneres says.

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(Laughter)

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So, E. O. Wilson,

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probably the greatest evolutionary
biologist since Darwin himself,

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says homosexuality gives advantages
to the group by specialized talents

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and unusual qualities of personality.

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So, a society that condemns
homosexuality harms itself.

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So, what does professor Wilson mean
by "unusual qualities of personality"?

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Well, let me tell you
about our dear family friend Jenny.

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She is 35, single, straight.

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She was telling us she is looking
for a man who's smart and funny,

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who's sensitive, who's a good listener.

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And she says she occasionally
meets a guy like that,

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but she complains, "You know,
he usually has a boyfriend already!"

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(Laughter)

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So, although people tend to obsess over
what gays do or don't do in a bedroom,

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it's really this distinctive personality
and a strong intellect

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that are more critical,
from evolution's perspective.

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So, scientific studies do indeed show

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that people in the sexual minority
tend to be intelligent,

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particularly when it comes
to emotional intelligence.

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So, this study showed

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that boys and girls who scored
in a very bright IQ range

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were twice as likely
to be homosexual as adults

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as those children who scored
in the low to average range.

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And, among gay males,
on psychological testing,

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gay males tend to score higher
in metrics of compassion and cooperation,

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and lower in metrics of hostility.

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So, if Michelangelo had been straight,

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he might have just wallpapered
the Sistine Chapel.

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(Laughter)

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Songwriter Sam Austin says,

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"Homosexuality is God's way of ensuring

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the truly gifted aren't
burdened with children."

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(Laughter)

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But today, in the US, about 2 out of every
25 people are in the sexual minority.

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Diversity is nature's secret weapon.

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If all males were gay,
that would be a problem,

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but if all males were warriors,
we'd always be at war.

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The recipe for a successful human culture

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is a synergy of many 
different ingredients.

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Homosexuality is like a catalyst

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to help emotionally connect
groups of people together.

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For heterosexuals, to disapprove of gays

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is kind of like the white flour
in bread disapproving of the yeast.

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So, if your genome is your hardware,
epigenetics is your software.

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You have many different DNA programs
downloaded on your DNA,

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and epigenetics chooses
from among these to determine

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which version of you actually is
the best fit for the environment.

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So, ants, you probably didn't know it,
but are another highly social species

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that have epigenetic mechanisms
very similar to humans.

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These two are identical twin sisters, huh?

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Even though their DNA sequences
are exactly the same,

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this one, the worker,

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is a brainy little scurrier
who goes out looking for food,

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whereas the one on the right, the soldier,

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is obviously a brawny one
to fight off enemies.

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So, the queen ant
epigenetically orchestrates this

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by placing different epigenetic tags
on the developing ants.

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So -

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she places tags 
when the colony is under attack

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to uncoil the DNA and light up
the genes to make the soldier,

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but when the colony is hungry,
she puts different tags to uncoil the DNA

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and epigenetically create
the conditions for the worker.

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So, in this way, the epigenetics -

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the dynamic power of epigenetics
changes our genetic expression,

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so that we're born with traits
that allow us and our families

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the best chance to succeed
in the current conditions.

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So, you probably have
gay genes in your DNA,

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but, unless they were turned on
in your mother's womb,

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they remain coiled up and silent.

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A recent groundbreaking
study from UCLA found

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that, by looking at a group of men,
some gay, some straight,

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and looking at epigenetic tags
in nine different sites,

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they could predict with 70% accuracy
their sexual orientation.

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So, what conditions in the uterus
turn on those gay genes?

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So, for a male,

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your chances of homosexuality
increase in proportion

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to the number of previous baby boys
who inhabited your mother's uterus.

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So, for every older
biological brother you have,

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your chances of being born gay go up 33%.

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Long before we invented the pill,

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nature devised homosexuality
as a prescription for birth control.

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After four straight, heterosexual males,
nature says, "Enough already!,"

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and the mom's immune system
switches on the epigenetic switch

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so a gay male is born into the family.

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This one will not be overburdening
the clan with yet more mouths to feed

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in the next generation
- sometimes more isn't better -

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and he's not going to be
killing his brother

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in a fight over who gets the girl.

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Thankfully, the sexual minority
these days have many options

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for having kids of their own,

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and I have a hunch my gay son
may bless us with grandchildren

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before our three straight children do.

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So, another gene,
this one on the X chromosome,

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is called a "male-loving gene,"

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because, when it shows up in a female,

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she tends to mate early
and have a lot of kids,

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but, when the male-loving gene
shows up in a male,

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it predisposes to homosexuality.

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So, this is another gene
that balances a family

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destined to have a large brood
of kids and grandkids

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with an occasional gay son whose natural
tendency to promote togetherness

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could improve the chances of survival
for the whole family.

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Now, I apologize.

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We have a lot more science about
sexual orientation in men than in women,

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so this talk is mostly about gay males.

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Though, I have no doubt

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that female homosexuality
is also a natural variation

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that is advantageous
for the family and the community.

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But Jimmy has no older brothers.

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Why is he gay?

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So, when Joan was pregnant with him,

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we discovered a large cancer
growing in her chest.

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Metastasis in the neck.

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It was a scary time.

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She had radiation therapy to her chest

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while Jimmy was still
in the third trimester.

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It was a rocky start for little Jimmy.

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Miraculously, they both survived
and are in great health today.

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But, in fact,

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severe prenatal stress
does predispose to homosexuality.

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In this study, 37% of gay males

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reported their mothers
suffered severe prenatal stress

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compared to only 3%
of heterosexual males' moms.

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This is kind of like the queen ant,

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where the mom is placing
epigenetic markers on the baby

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to change his identity to help
the future welfare of the family.

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It's as if the mom was saying,
"I'm in trouble here.

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I need a kind and clever ally
to help me hold this family together."

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So, to summarize,

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if the family is flushed
with plenty of kids

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and/or it's a stressful place and time,

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nature occasionally flips
these epigenetics switches

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to turn on the gay genes.

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This alters brain development,

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that changes sexual orientation
and also improves emotional intelligence.

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I have no doubt that Jimmy was born gay.

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Here's his first birthday party.

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(Laughter)

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When he was three, he said, "Mommy,
when I grow up, I want to marry Daddy."

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(Laughter)

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00:12:46,530 --> 00:12:50,362
Now, some parents send their kid away,
you know, well-meaning parents,

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to a conversion camp 
to pray away the gay.

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You might as well send the kid to a camp

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00:12:55,681 --> 00:12:58,171
to convert his eye color
from brown to blue.

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Not happening!

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00:13:00,912 --> 00:13:04,013
But Jimmy is like social glue
holding our family together.

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00:13:04,013 --> 00:13:07,807
You know, whether his brother Evan
gets beat up in a bar fight,

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or his sister Caroline
gets dumped by a boyfriend,

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or his sister Kathleen gets busted
for plagiarizing Wikipedia -

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(Laughter)

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00:13:19,474 --> 00:13:22,415
they know Jimmy's made them feel

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like they belong to something
bigger than their problems.

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So, storytelling is the great
survival skill of the Irish,

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and, right here in Dublin, 162 years ago,

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one of your finest storytellers was born:

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Oscar Wilde.

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00:13:39,554 --> 00:13:42,728
Oscar ran away to the University of Oxford

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where he met a young poet
named Bosie Douglas.

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00:13:45,956 --> 00:13:48,096
Their long-standing 
openly gay relationship

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infuriated and humiliated
Bosie's father, Lord Queensburry -

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I'm not making this up -

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00:13:54,327 --> 00:13:56,113
(Laughter)

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00:13:57,073 --> 00:14:01,745
who was so mad that he eventually
had Oscar arrested for gross indecency,

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thrown into a dungeon
for two years of hard labor.

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00:14:05,795 --> 00:14:10,189
Oscar died three years later, a young man.

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Oscar wrote, "Always forgive your enemies.
Nothing annoys them so much."

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00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:17,497
(Laughter)

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00:14:17,497 --> 00:14:22,305
But these days, open homophobia is being
replaced by more of a subtle heterosexism

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00:14:22,305 --> 00:14:24,688
where people in the sexual minority

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are often considered 
second-class citizens.

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00:14:28,056 --> 00:14:30,188
Boy George says, "There's this illusion

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that homosexuals have sex
and heterosexuals fall in love.

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00:14:32,866 --> 00:14:36,287
That's completely untrue.
We all want to be loved."

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I agree: among all the things in life
it'd be hardest to live without,

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love would come first.

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00:14:43,395 --> 00:14:47,087
But indoor plumbing and toilet paper
would be pretty high up there too, right?

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00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,569
(Laughter)

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00:14:49,046 --> 00:14:51,008
I want to tell you about one more study,

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00:14:51,008 --> 00:14:55,156
this one a heartbreaking,
nationwide study, from the US,

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00:14:55,156 --> 00:14:59,973
that looked at US teens, and they found
that those in the sexual minority

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00:14:59,973 --> 00:15:01,720
were twice as likely to be bullied,

240
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five times more likely
to have attempted suicide.

241
00:15:04,698 --> 00:15:08,661
Twenty-nine percent of gay teens
had tried to kill themselves.

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These days, around the world,
in many countries,

243
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it's illegal to have same-sex
physical intimacy.

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00:15:16,347 --> 00:15:19,707
In many countries,
it's punishable by death.

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00:15:19,707 --> 00:15:22,379
In the red countries,
it's punishable by imprisonment.

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00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:25,527
In India, the law states 
14 years to life,

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because "homosexuality
is against the order of nature."

248
00:15:33,126 --> 00:15:34,810
Except that it's not!

249
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:39,599
Nature prescribes homosexuality
at specific times and places,

250
00:15:39,599 --> 00:15:43,082
and endows these people
with special traits

251
00:15:43,082 --> 00:15:45,596
that help the people around them flourish.

252
00:15:46,271 --> 00:15:48,120
What is against the order of nature

253
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:51,112
is the ongoing persecution
of the sexual minority.

254
00:15:51,112 --> 00:15:53,630
These are not confused or defective people

255
00:15:53,630 --> 00:15:57,385
that need to be cured,
or punished, or ostracized.

256
00:15:58,492 --> 00:16:02,821
They need to be accepted,

257
00:16:03,861 --> 00:16:06,141
for who they are, and embraced.

258
00:16:07,201 --> 00:16:09,045
They make us better.

259
00:16:10,461 --> 00:16:15,341
If you had told me 30 years ago,
as I held my baby boy,

260
00:16:15,341 --> 00:16:17,202
that he would grow up to be gay,

261
00:16:17,202 --> 00:16:19,288
I would have been devastated,

262
00:16:20,222 --> 00:16:24,288
but looking back, I see Mother Nature
knew what she was doing!

263
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:29,565
Her clairvoyant intelligence,
forged during eons of evolution,

264
00:16:29,565 --> 00:16:34,992
instinctively knew my family would need
the advantages of a gay son.

265
00:16:35,512 --> 00:16:37,044
Now, admittedly,

266
00:16:37,434 --> 00:16:40,754
the science of homosexuality
is still in it's infancy,

267
00:16:40,754 --> 00:16:44,082
but as his father,
what I can tell you for sure

268
00:16:44,082 --> 00:16:47,022
is that Jimmy is exactly
who he was meant to be,

269
00:16:47,763 --> 00:16:52,453
and my family is stronger and happier
because he's in our clan.

270
00:16:53,734 --> 00:16:55,289
How about you?

271
00:16:56,254 --> 00:16:58,339
Can you set sex aside?

272
00:16:59,365 --> 00:17:05,436
Realize gay men and gay women
are essential to humanity?

273
00:17:06,932 --> 00:17:08,567
We're like the ants.

274
00:17:08,567 --> 00:17:13,841
It's in our diversity where we find
our collective strength.

275
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:15,557
Thank you.

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00:17:15,557 --> 00:17:18,606
(Applause) (Cheers)