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AMY: Did you see that Hallmark movie last
night? It made me think of you and all you've

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really overcome.

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CINDY: Your particular disability must be
very mild indeed.

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RYAN: Is China going to let our students go
there and just study in China? No, I don't

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think so.

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BEN: Queering composition? Is that a thing?

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ELAINE: What should I call you?

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(SILENCE)

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JEN: So what should I call you?

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(SILENCE)

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NICK: Tell me what word I'm supposed to
say. I want to get it right.

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CINDY: You are so inspiring to me.

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TRAUMAN: I had a student like you once.

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AMY: I had a student with Tourette's last
year.

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MARGARET: So what does PTSD stand for?

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AMY: ... I think.

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MARGARET: Ohhh. So what was the trauma?

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KATIE: Do you even know how many students
are registered with disability services nowadays?

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Really, I mean, there has to be something
in the water or something, I just don't

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even know.

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SCOTT: Foucault has a lot to say about this.

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TRAUMAN: I'm not racist, but...

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ELAINE: Standard English. STAN- DARD- ENG-
LISH.

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RYAN: Look at all these Asian students they
let in. They don't even speak English, and

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they let them into English classes?

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ELAINE: STAN- DARD- ENG- LISH.

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CINDY: I think you should just stop trying
to milk the system.

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ELAINE: (SHOUTING) STANDARD ENGLISH!

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BRENDA: That's not my problem.

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LORELEI: Why would we need to talk about accessibility?

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TRAUMAN: Isn't there a committee for that?

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JEN: Isn't there a committee for that?

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JEN: Isn't there a committee for that?

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ELAINE: Isn't there a committee for that?

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JEN: On campus? Somewhere?

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PATRICK: There's got to be a committee for
that.

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SCOTT: I mean, I know, right, like, um, you
know, I've been thinking a lot about these

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issues, in and around them, and, you know,
the intersections are complex, and I don't

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want to undervalue the complexity of what
you're going through or anything, or make

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any kind of generalizations, but, um, I mean,
I know, right? I, I, I get it. Um, it's

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nice. Nice. Nice.

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KRISTA: Of course my class is accessible.
If they can't do the work, then they shouldn't

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be in the class.

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JEN: You know, you probably wouldn't be
an adjunct if you'd taken a PhD in rhet-comp.

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ALI: I don't do digital media.

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JULIA: I have a computer. That's digital,
right?

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DICKIE: First- year- writing.

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NORA: First- year- writing.

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DEBRA: WRI- TING.

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DICKIE: Do you see anything about new media
in there?

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ELIZABETH: Don't you think the ADA is just
a little ridiculous?

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(SOUND OF DRAWER CLOSING)

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KATIE: You want extra time on your test?

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ELIZABETH: I mean, why is there Braille on
drive-thru ATMs?

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CINDY: You know, I do have a disability statement
on my syllabus.

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LOUIE: I don't give handouts.

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RYAN: You know in the bathrooms, too, it's
just like... you know, if I could just like

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put my arm on these metal railings that they
supply... You know, I think access is so overblown.

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TRAUMAN: Why learn HTML? I can just make a
webpage in Word!

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STEPHANIE: What does this mean in your language?

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KRISTA: I mean, they're like... Appalachian.

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JULIA: Ohhh.

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KRIS: Standard English.

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JULIA: Oh, wait, what's the one I heard
the other week? Youzzins?

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KRIS: Standard English! (LAUGHS)

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JULIA & KRISTA: Yinzes?

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CINDY: Stand- ard- Eng- lish.

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JULIA: Maybe we could get a native, like,
you know, to talk like they do.

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TRAUMAN: I'm not even sure how these students
got into college in the first place.

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DEBRA: Bless you for doing this work. You
truly must be a special person.

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BRENDA: Have you told others your story?

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LORELEI: Cancer is a gift!

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STEPHANIE: I don't know how you do it. You're
so amazing!

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BEN: I'm so happy to help!

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RYAN: As a white faculty member, I just don't
understand this talk about access. I have

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no trouble getting classes, filling classes,
getting on the bus, and getting the best seat

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right up in the front of the bus.

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SILAS: I always have at least one minority
day in every class I teach.

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NICK: I understand about diversity.

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JULIA: I believe in race. The human race.

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NICK: I think I'm like a sixteenth Native
American or something.

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KRISTA: I don't even know why people try
to claim that identity. It's like they just

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want something for free.

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PATRICK: No.

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KATIE: No.

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STEPHANIE: No.

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BRENDA: You want what?

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TRAUMAN: Ohh. You're disabled? I'm so
sorry.

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JULIA: Sometimes I read slow. That's a disability,
right?

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MARGARET: Oh, I forget things all the time,
too. Maybe I have a memory impairment.

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TRAUMAN: Is that even a thing?

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PATRICK: Disabled students, I mean, differently
abled students.

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CINDY: But honestly, aren't we all disabled
in some way?

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SILAS: Isn't there a committee for that?

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KRISTA: Isn't there a committee for that?

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LOUIE: I used to be on that committee.

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STEPHANIE: (SLOWLY AND DELIBERATELY) THANK
YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING US AWARE OF THESE ISSUES.

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ELAINE: Don't worry. You can just read my
notes later. You're not missing anything.

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KRISTA: How do people think they should just
get a job and expect everyone to work around

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their new schedule as a parent?

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NORA: Don't you think there's a reason
that more women don't get tenure?

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JULIA: Being a professor is a whole form of
birth control unto itself.

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BRENDA: I never think of you as a woman.

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SCOTT: I never think of you as a woman.

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NICK: I don't think of you as black.

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BRENDA: I never think of you as disabled,
though.

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SCOTT: I never think of you as gay.

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NICK: You're just... my friend.

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SCOTT: I never think of you as a disability--

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NICK: I've had tons of disabled students--

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SCOTT: I mean, uh, as a disabled--

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NICK: Students with dis--

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SCOTT: I mean, as, you know, as--

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NICK: Uh, spec-, special needs kids--

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SCOTT: As... disabled... with a disability.

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ELIZABETH: How do I know they're not
just playing games?

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NICK: When it's up here... (WRITES ON BOARD)
I can see it.

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SILAS: Students didn't have ADHD ten years
ago. That's why I ban laptops and cellphones

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in all of my classes.

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NICK: But if it's on here, in front of them...

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SILAS: (MOUTHS WORDS) No laptops.

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ELIZABETH: I mean, this has a dog on it.

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LOUIE: If I give accommodations to you, I'll
have to give them to everyone.

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STEPHANIE: I'm so sorry there's no interpreter,
but maybe I can just stand up there and go

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like this!

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RYAN: They have those really nice seats where
it's like three, it's like a three, right

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in the front, where you can just like spread
out.

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JEN: Why can't we all just get along?

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RYAN: I don't know why anyone's talking
about access in this day and age.

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DICKIE: If you want to know the IQ of a committee,
take the dumbest person on the committee and

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divide it by the number of people in the committee.

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BEN: If you can't do it, maybe you should
find another profession.