AMY: Did you see that Hallmark movie last night? It made me think of you and all you've
really overcome.
CINDY: Your particular disability must be very mild indeed.
RYAN: Is China going to let our students go there and just study in China? No, I don't
think so.
BEN: Queering composition? Is that a thing?
ELAINE: What should I call you?
(SILENCE)
JEN: So what should I call you?
(SILENCE)
NICK: Tell me what word I'm supposed to say. I want to get it right.
CINDY: You are so inspiring to me.
TRAUMAN: I had a student like you once.
AMY: I had a student with Tourette's last year.
MARGARET: So what does PTSD stand for?
AMY: ... I think.
MARGARET: Ohhh. So what was the trauma?
KATIE: Do you even know how many students are registered with disability services nowadays?
Really, I mean, there has to be something in the water or something, I just don't
even know.
SCOTT: Foucault has a lot to say about this.
TRAUMAN: I'm not racist, but...
ELAINE: Standard English. STAN- DARD- ENG- LISH.
RYAN: Look at all these Asian students they let in. They don't even speak English, and
they let them into English classes?
ELAINE: STAN- DARD- ENG- LISH.
CINDY: I think you should just stop trying to milk the system.
ELAINE: (SHOUTING) STANDARD ENGLISH!
BRENDA: That's not my problem.
LORELEI: Why would we need to talk about accessibility?
TRAUMAN: Isn't there a committee for that?
JEN: Isn't there a committee for that?
ELAINE: Isn't there a committee for that?
JEN: On campus? Somewhere?
PATRICK: There's got to be a committee for that.
SCOTT: I mean, I know, right, like, um, you know, I've been thinking a lot about these
issues, in and around them, and, you know, the intersections are complex, and I don't
want to undervalue the complexity of what you're going through or anything, or make
any kind of generalizations, but, um, I mean, I know, right? I, I, I get it. Um, it's
nice. Nice. Nice.
KRISTA: Of course my class is accessible. If they can't do the work, then they shouldn't
be in the class.
JEN: You know, you probably wouldn't be an adjunct if you'd taken a PhD in rhet-comp.
ALI: I don't do digital media.
JULIA: I have a computer. That's digital, right?
DICKIE: First- year- writing.
NORA: First- year- writing.
DEBRA: WRI- TING.
DICKIE: Do you see anything about new media in there?
ELIZABETH: Don't you think the ADA is just a little ridiculous?
(SOUND OF DRAWER CLOSING)
KATIE: You want extra time on your test?
ELIZABETH: I mean, why is there Braille on drive-thru ATMs?
CINDY: You know, I do have a disability statement on my syllabus.
LOUIE: I don't give handouts.
RYAN: You know in the bathrooms, too, it's just like... you know, if I could just like
put my arm on these metal railings that they supply... You know, I think access is so overblown.
TRAUMAN: Why learn HTML? I can just make a webpage in Word!
STEPHANIE: What does this mean in your language?
KRISTA: I mean, they're like... Appalachian.
JULIA: Ohhh.
KRIS: Standard English.
JULIA: Oh, wait, what's the one I heard the other week? Youzzins?
KRIS: Standard English! (LAUGHS)
JULIA & KRISTA: Yinzes?
CINDY: Stand- ard- Eng- lish.
JULIA: Maybe we could get a native, like, you know, to talk like they do.
TRAUMAN: I'm not even sure how these students got into college in the first place.
DEBRA: Bless you for doing this work. You truly must be a special person.
BRENDA: Have you told others your story?
LORELEI: Cancer is a gift!
STEPHANIE: I don't know how you do it. You're so amazing!
BEN: I'm so happy to help!
RYAN: As a white faculty member, I just don't understand this talk about access. I have
no trouble getting classes, filling classes, getting on the bus, and getting the best seat
right up in the front of the bus.
SILAS: I always have at least one minority day in every class I teach.
NICK: I understand about diversity.
JULIA: I believe in race. The human race.
NICK: I think I'm like a sixteenth Native American or something.
KRISTA: I don't even know why people try to claim that identity. It's like they just
want something for free.
PATRICK: No.
KATIE: No.
STEPHANIE: No.
BRENDA: You want what?
TRAUMAN: Ohh. You're disabled? I'm so sorry.
JULIA: Sometimes I read slow. That's a disability, right?
MARGARET: Oh, I forget things all the time, too. Maybe I have a memory impairment.
TRAUMAN: Is that even a thing?
PATRICK: Disabled students, I mean, differently abled students.
CINDY: But honestly, aren't we all disabled in some way?
SILAS: Isn't there a committee for that?
KRISTA: Isn't there a committee for that?
LOUIE: I used to be on that committee.
STEPHANIE: (SLOWLY AND DELIBERATELY) THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING US AWARE OF THESE ISSUES.
ELAINE: Don't worry. You can just read my notes later. You're not missing anything.
KRISTA: How do people think they should just get a job and expect everyone to work around
their new schedule as a parent?
NORA: Don't you think there's a reason that more women don't get tenure?
JULIA: Being a professor is a whole form of birth control unto itself.
BRENDA: I never think of you as a woman.
SCOTT: I never think of you as a woman.
NICK: I don't think of you as black.
BRENDA: I never think of you as disabled, though.
SCOTT: I never think of you as gay.
NICK: You're just... my friend.
SCOTT: I never think of you as a disability--
NICK: I've had tons of disabled students--
SCOTT: I mean, uh, as a disabled--
NICK: Students with dis--
SCOTT: I mean, as, you know, as--
NICK: Uh, spec-, special needs kids--
SCOTT: As... disabled... with a disability.
ELIZABETH: How do I know they're not just playing games?
NICK: When it's up here... (WRITES ON BOARD) I can see it.
SILAS: Students didn't have ADHD ten years ago. That's why I ban laptops and cellphones
in all of my classes.
NICK: But if it's on here, in front of them...
SILAS: (MOUTHS WORDS) No laptops.
ELIZABETH: I mean, this has a dog on it.
LOUIE: If I give accommodations to you, I'll have to give them to everyone.
STEPHANIE: I'm so sorry there's no interpreter, but maybe I can just stand up there and go
like this!
RYAN: They have those really nice seats where it's like three, it's like a three, right
in the front, where you can just like spread out.
JEN: Why can't we all just get along?
RYAN: I don't know why anyone's talking about access in this day and age.
DICKIE: If you want to know the IQ of a committee, take the dumbest person on the committee and
divide it by the number of people in the committee.
BEN: If you can't do it, maybe you should find another profession.