[Beer cap thrown onto table]
MAN IN GLASSES: Dude, where've you been?
You've been gone for three weeks
MAN IN BASEBALL CAP: Dude, you don't know?
MAN IN SWEATER: Yeah dude, I was sick
CAP: What a bad friend, right?
[Laughs]
SWEATER: Yeah, it was pretty bad
CAP: Dude, he almost straight up died!
GLASSES: Really? What happened?
SWEATER: It started a month ago
and I was just like
[Breathes deeply]
[Snorts]
It's cold today
[Snorts]
[Sneezes loudly]
I think I should just go home
[Muffled:] Ugh, I'm sweating
[Inhales sloppily]
[Loud coughing]
[Imitates motherly voice:] Alex, just have some chicken soup
[Normal voice:] No!
No, I'm okay, I'm okay
[Motherly voice:] Just have a little bit
You need to have something in your stomach
[Normal voice:] No, mom!
Just keep the food
I don't wanna eat anything
[Retches]
Oh my god...
[Screams]
[Screeches]
[Slurping noises]
[Clicking noise]
[Motherly voice:] Alex, is everything alright up there?
[Normal voice:] Ugh, I think I need to go to the hospital
Doctor, am I gonna make it?
[Imitates doctor:] Don't worry, son
I'm not losing you on my watch
[Imitates nurse:] But doctor, he's in pain
Why don't we just put him down?
[Imitates doctor:] DAMN IT WOMAN!
HE'S A HUMAN BEING
NOT AN ANIMAL!
CLEAR!
[Imitates defibrillator]
CLEAR!
[Imitates defibrillator]
CLEAR!
[Imitates defibrillator]
[Imitates heart monitor]
Beep
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
[Gasps]
[Breathes deeply]
I'm alive
I'm alive!
It was all a dream...
[Puts beer down]
[Clapping]
Dude, where are you going?
[Outro music]