WEBVTT 00:00:03.415 --> 00:00:04.585 Whenever I have to go somewhere 00:00:04.585 --> 00:00:06.622 there's one thing you can count on 00:00:06.622 --> 00:00:08.427 I'll always be there on time. 00:00:08.427 --> 00:00:09.464 FALSE 00:00:09.464 --> 00:00:10.600 Yeah, I have to admit it 00:00:10.600 --> 00:00:13.174 I'm always late 00:00:13.174 --> 00:00:17.091 It's really annoying, I'm always late 00:00:17.091 --> 00:00:18.078 And I don't do it on purpose 00:00:18.078 --> 00:00:19.297 People have a go at me 00:00:19.297 --> 00:00:21.502 If I'm always late, it's because of a guy 00:00:21.502 --> 00:00:24.778 The guy who invented the snooze for five minutes button on alarm clocks 00:00:24.778 --> 00:00:31.752 Have you heard of that button? 00:00:31.752 --> 00:00:34.544 Fuck! 00:00:34.544 --> 00:00:36.383 There's no point to the button either 00:00:36.383 --> 00:00:37.520 You've slept for eight hours 00:00:37.520 --> 00:00:39.291 You don't need another 5 minutes 00:00:39.291 --> 00:00:41.494 Sorry, I didn't understood what you just said 00:00:41.494 --> 00:00:43.204 It's because I'm bilingual 00:00:43.204 --> 00:00:45.913 For bilingual people, the button is called "snooze" 00:00:45.913 --> 00:00:49.525 Ah! "Snooze". Amazing. 00:00:49.525 --> 00:00:51.966 There's another reason why I'm often late. 00:00:51.966 --> 00:00:53.302 The very moment I need to leave 00:00:53.302 --> 00:00:57.747 I always feel the need to do something that I'd never normally think of doing 00:00:57.747 --> 00:01:00.257 Right, I'm off 00:01:00.257 --> 00:01:02.200 The table leg's all wonky 00:01:02.200 --> 00:01:14.479 I need to repair it 00:01:14.479 --> 00:01:15.973 OK. It's done. 00:01:16.081 --> 00:01:19.156 I can go. 00:01:19.156 --> 00:01:21.664 At those times, I'm all stressed cos I know I need to set off 00:01:21.664 --> 00:01:23.999 I start doing weird stuff 00:01:23.999 --> 00:01:40.515 Did I switch off the light in the bathroom? 00:01:40.515 --> 00:01:41.832 I never manage to set off relaxed 00:01:41.832 --> 00:01:44.034 Chilled out, without a worry in the world. 00:01:44.034 --> 00:01:48.040 I need to be stressed and panicked to actually set off. 00:01:48.040 --> 00:01:53.700 I need adrenaline. 00:01:53.700 --> 00:01:54.959 There's something I don't get 00:01:54.959 --> 00:01:57.539 When you get where you're going 00:01:57.539 --> 00:01:59.744 You've run, you've sweated, you're soaked through 00:01:59.744 --> 00:02:01.850 you were stressed and panicked 00:02:01.850 --> 00:02:04.763 You've given it everything you've got. You can't take another step. 00:02:04.763 --> 00:02:07.144 You get to the person you're meeting and you say "I'm here" 00:02:07.144 --> 00:02:09.493 and they have a go at you. 00:02:09.493 --> 00:02:14.959 In that kind of situation, you deserve a medal 00:02:22.494 --> 00:02:25.293 The worst thing is at work. I always get bollocked. 00:02:25.293 --> 00:02:27.746 At work, you're not allowed to be late. 00:02:27.746 --> 00:02:31.209 Even a few seconds, it's just not on. 00:02:31.209 --> 00:02:34.558 In your boss's head, it's "NO". 00:02:34.558 --> 00:02:36.414 I've tried all the excuses in the world 00:02:36.414 --> 00:02:38.534 but it never works 00:02:38.534 --> 00:02:40.473 Sorry, it's the "snooze" button. 00:02:42.888 --> 00:02:44.419 I don't know if you've noticed 00:02:44.419 --> 00:02:46.461 when girls come up with an excuse, 00:02:46.461 --> 00:02:48.057 it always works 00:02:48.797 --> 00:02:51.043 There excuses are crap 00:02:52.003 --> 00:02:55.361 Sorry, this morning, I wasn't feeling very well. 00:02:55.361 --> 00:02:57.562 This morning, you weren't feeling very well 00:02:57.562 --> 00:02:58.964 Erm, that's not a bad excuse 00:02:58.964 --> 00:03:00.667 Let's forgot about it 00:03:01.369 --> 00:03:02.406 You can come in 00:03:02.949 --> 00:03:04.279 That's just great. "Not very well" 00:03:04.279 --> 00:03:06.384 My excuses never work 00:03:06.476 --> 00:03:08.474 I use white lies 00:03:08.689 --> 00:03:12.036 You don't lie exactly, but at the same time, you try it on a bit 00:03:13.680 --> 00:03:18.354 You step out the door and you send a text 00:03:18.354 --> 00:03:20.965 to your friend saying, I'll soon be there, I'm on my way 00:03:20.965 --> 00:03:22.536 That's called a white lie 00:03:22.536 --> 00:03:22.537 There are some people that think you do it on purpose 00:03:25.947 --> 00:03:27.384 to show off 00:03:36.682 --> 00:03:38.024 as if it was cool 00:03:38.024 --> 00:03:39.593 No, it's not cool 00:03:39.593 --> 00:03:49.530 I'm really late, I lost track of time. 00:03:49.530 --> 00:03:50.730 I can't read the time 00:03:50.730 --> 00:03:51.631 You're sacked 00:03:51.631 --> 00:03:53.302 Get lost. 00:03:53.302 --> 00:03:55.010 No, I was just having a laugh 00:03:55.010 --> 00:03:56.712 You're fired 00:03:56.712 --> 00:03:58.999 Get out of here now 00:03:58.999 --> 00:04:04.837 I'm doing the gun sign, so get out of here 00:04:04.837 --> 00:04:06.677 Now, I'm an adult 00:04:06.677 --> 00:04:10.256 I've finally worked out that to be on time 00:04:10.256 --> 00:04:11.869 it's not complicated 00:04:11.869 --> 00:04:21.753 all you need is a bit of courage 00:04:21.753 --> 00:04:24.582 I saw that over 30,000 of you were following my Facebook page 00:04:24.582 --> 00:04:29.518 I thought that we could fill a football stadium 00:04:29.518 --> 99:59:59.999 and we could have a match.