Hi! I'm Zach Anner.
Where the hell have I been?!
This is Workout Wednesday, the workout show
that teaches you how to be patient
when I don't make these for three months!
I have made a lot of videos on YouTube
and this one is my hundredth video!
So to thank you, I wanted to talk about milestones.
It should be a walk in the park.
'Cause we're in the park.
HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED!
Workout headband!
Workout shorts!
Workout shirt!
Workout shoes!
Workout socks!
Workout bounce house in the background!
Workout walker from when you were a small boy!
Let's do this.
I am the one who worked out!
So the first thing you want to do
is get out of your wheelchair and into your walker.
Now, if you don't have a walker, that probably means
you can actually walk, so you're already ahead of the game!
I haven't used this since I was about ten years old.
How the hell did I stand up before?
I'm gonna fall over.
You just make sure that your Josh tape is nearby.
Alright, so the next thing you need to do is make sure
you have a pedometer to track your progress!
But I don't have one of those fancy watches,
so we're just gonna duct tape my smartphone to my chest
so you guys can know that I'm not cheating,
that I'm really going that fast.
Just kinda Iron Man it, Josh.
And please press the start button.
-(Zach) What did you do? I can't-- -(Josh) I pressed the synchronize button.
-(Zach) I can't see! -(Josh) Now I gotta sign in.
(Zach) Oh, no, no! Where are you?
(Zach) Now, go up. Swipe to the--no! Wrong!
(Zach) Synchronize? I've never heard of that!
Brad!
Alright!
Now we are off and moving.
Milestones are important because they remind us
that no matter how far we've come,
we will never convert to the metric system!
'Kilometerstones' just sounds stupid!
And nobody wants to sing 'And I would walk 804.6 kilometers'.
You may not be able to walk a mile in someone else's shoes,
but you can walk a mile in your own and be proud of it.
And they don't have to be some Manolo Blahnik
or some other fancy Sex and the City shoe!
God, I'm glad that show's over!
Makes you feel so insecure about shoes!
And I would walk... 1/12 of a mile and be exhausted.
You don't have to have a huge milestone like being
the first man to walk on the moon!
They've already got a guy that does that.
And he's dead!
Maybe your milestone is not being dead!
It's important to appreciate the little things, like Peter Dinklage!
His subtle nuances in Game of Thrones
are what give Tyrion Lannister such a quiet dignity and depth.
Plus, he's a dwarf!
You know how hard it is to get a three-dimensional role as a dwarf?
Trust me, I've tried!
Your milestones don't have to be the same as everyone else's.
High school diploma, college degree...
I don't have any of those things!
But I do have an honorary doctorate
from the Disney College Program.
It's honorary 'cause I didn't finish the program!
Ow! Owww!
Gonna make it! Gonna make it!
Your milestone could be getting your first job,
or crushing all the candy in Candy Crush!
My milestone was not to play stupid apps on iPad,
though I am looking forward to getting an iPad.
That'll be quite the milestone!
Work, work, work. Just a couple of people walkin'.
Oh, wait. I'm only one person.
As soon as this is over, I'm never walking again!
Even if there's a miracle cure!
If you fix my legs, I'm keeping the chair!
Maybe your milestone is that you had your first child!
Or are finally out of debt.
Or just decided to finally go for it and steal that robe
from the gym that Jennifer Connelly works out at!
She can use some of her Rocketeer money
to absorb the cost of robes for people who can't afford robes!
If she doesn't save that money, then that's her problem!
Why do I have to stand between takes, guys?
That just doesn't seem fair.
I'm getting a mosquito bite!
Hope I don't get the West Nile Virus
or secretly get impregnated with a dinosaur.
I saw Jurassic Park.
Dino DNA in every mosquito!
It's never too late to get back on track!
Just look at Lindsey Lohan!
I mean, sure she's not back to Mean Girls status,
but she's got her own show on the Oprah Network!
And once that happens, you're set for life!
Remember, you can't spell miles without smile.
So maybe you should start with that,
'cause that makes the road ahead look so much brighter.
Thanks for sticking with me for these 100 videos
and subscribe and thanks for watching Workout Wednesday.