WEBVTT 00:00:05.283 --> 00:00:06.174 Nick: Oh, God damn it! 00:00:06.174 --> 00:00:07.643 Facebook (FB): Hello! Welcome home, Nick. 00:00:07.693 --> 00:00:10.086 Your new home update is ready for viewing. 00:00:10.394 --> 00:00:10.394 Nick: Are you serious? 00:00:11.194 --> 00:00:12.320 I just got used to the way you had it before. 00:00:12.320 --> 00:00:12.926 FB: Just let me know if you're ready to begin the tour. 00:00:12.926 --> 00:00:15.528 Nick: [sigh] 00:00:15.528 --> 00:00:17.690 Okay. 00:00:17.690 --> 00:00:19.755 FB: As you can see, we made some changes to improve the functionality 00:00:19.755 --> 00:00:23.274 of your living room environment. 00:00:23.274 --> 00:00:25.062 Nick: Wait ... no! Where's the other half of my couch? 00:00:25.062 --> 00:00:27.228 Wha-- what is this chair thing? I-- 00:00:27.228 --> 00:00:28.898 FB: We've decreased the size of your Television 00:00:28.898 --> 00:00:31.148 to make room for your new Bookcase. 00:00:31.148 --> 00:00:32.561 N: No, I had a 60-six inch TV! What? Can we just put the-- 00:00:32.561 --> 00:00:36.784 FB: Just let me know when you're ready to move on. 00:00:36.784 --> 00:00:39.323 Nick: sigh 00:00:39.323 --> 00:00:40.867 Okay. 00:00:40.867 --> 00:00:42.201 FB: Check out your new bedroom. 00:00:42.201 --> 00:00:44.203 We've consolidated your Photos and Music 00:00:44.203 --> 00:00:46.705 into one convenient location. 00:00:46.705 --> 00:00:48.709 Friend: Hohoho ... Dude, you didn't say you were so chubby in highschool. 00:00:48.709 --> 00:00:52.253 Friend of Friend: Man, do you listen to anything besides Top 40? 00:00:52.253 --> 00:00:55.003 Nick: How did you guys get in here? 00:00:55.003 --> 00:00:56.632 FB: Friends and Friends of Friends 00:00:56.632 --> 00:00:58.720 now have better access to you 00:00:58.720 --> 00:01:00.721 through your new Privacy Door. 00:01:00.721 --> 00:01:02.637 Nick: No! I said in the last update that I didn't want anybody in here. 00:01:02.637 --> 00:01:06.356 Get out! Now! 00:01:06.356 --> 00:01:08.778 Nick: (to Friend 1) I haven't talked to you in six years. 00:01:08.778 --> 00:01:10.313 Nick: (to Friend of Friend): And I don't know who you are. 00:01:10.313 --> 00:01:12.234 Nick: (to FB) Would you stop resetting my privacy settings every ti--?! 00:01:12.234 --> 00:01:15.027 [knock on window] 00:01:15.027 --> 00:01:17.198 FB: I see your found your new Privacy Window. 00:01:17.198 --> 00:01:19.315 It allows for anyone on Earth 00:01:19.315 --> 00:01:20.323 to see what you're up to. 00:01:20.323 --> 00:01:21.370 Whenever they want! 00:01:21.370 --> 00:01:22.742 Nick: No! I said I don't want anything like this! 00:01:22.742 --> 00:01:26.038 Would you please--! 00:01:26.038 --> 00:01:27.081 FB: Just let me know when you're ready to move on. 00:01:27.081 --> 00:01:28.623 Nick: [heavy sigh] 00:01:28.623 --> 00:01:30.007 FB: Finally, we've combined your dining room 00:01:30.007 --> 00:01:30.856 and social media center 00:01:30.856 --> 00:01:32.335 Now it's way easier for your friends to keep you 00:01:32.335 --> 00:01:34.962 in the know. 00:01:34.962 --> 00:01:38.216 Friend 2: Nick! Hi! Can you go to my birthday party? 00:01:38.216 --> 00:01:40.052 Friend: Nick! Would you vote for my brother 00:01:40.052 --> 00:01:41.094 in his contests? 00:01:41.094 --> 00:01:42.887 Friend 2's Brother: [poke] 00:01:42.887 --> 00:01:44.189 Friend 2: Nick! Would you come to my improv show tonight? 00:01:44.189 --> 00:01:46.271 Nick: No! I'm not going to any of those. 00:01:46.271 --> 00:01:48.106 Friend 2: No! 00:01:48.106 --> 00:01:50.023 Nick: [pokes back] Stop it! 00:01:50.023 --> 00:01:51.897 Is this tour done because I'm getting sick of all these--? 00:01:51.897 --> 00:01:53.230 [barking sounds] 00:01:53.230 --> 00:01:55.526 Nick: What is that thing in my kitchen? 00:01:55.526 --> 00:01:56.978 FB: We've taken your cat and replaced it 00:01:56.978 --> 00:01:58.394 with a Dog. 00:01:58.394 --> 00:02:00.984 Nick: No! 00:02:00.984 --> 00:02:02.824 Nick: No!!! 00:02:02.824 --> 00:02:04.408 FB: We've also changed your walls around. 00:02:04.408 --> 00:02:05.655 Nick: These are just ads! What?!! 00:02:05.655 --> 00:02:07.706 FB: If you look here-- 00:02:07.706 --> 00:02:08.327 Nick: No! We're ending the tour. 00:02:08.327 --> 00:02:09.830 FB: Okay. 00:02:09.830 --> 00:02:12.748 Nick: Motherfu--!