1 00:00:05,283 --> 00:00:06,174 Nick: Oh, God damn it! 2 00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:07,643 Facebook (FB): Hello! Welcome home, Nick. 3 00:00:07,693 --> 00:00:10,086 Your new home update is ready for viewing. 4 00:00:10,394 --> 00:00:10,394 Nick: Are you serious? 5 00:00:11,194 --> 00:00:12,320 I just got used to the way you had it before. 6 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:12,926 FB: Just let me know if you're ready to begin the tour. 7 00:00:12,926 --> 00:00:15,528 Nick: [sigh] 8 00:00:15,528 --> 00:00:17,690 Okay. 9 00:00:17,690 --> 00:00:19,755 FB: As you can see, we made some changes to improve the functionality 10 00:00:19,755 --> 00:00:23,274 of your living room environment. 11 00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:25,062 Nick: Wait ... no! Where's the other half of my couch? 12 00:00:25,062 --> 00:00:27,228 Wha-- what is this chair thing? I-- 13 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,898 FB: We've decreased the size of your Television 14 00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:31,148 to make room for your new Bookcase. 15 00:00:31,148 --> 00:00:32,561 N: No, I had a 60-six inch TV! What? Can we just put the-- 16 00:00:32,561 --> 00:00:36,784 FB: Just let me know when you're ready to move on. 17 00:00:36,784 --> 00:00:39,323 Nick: sigh 18 00:00:39,323 --> 00:00:40,867 Okay. 19 00:00:40,867 --> 00:00:42,201 FB: Check out your new bedroom. 20 00:00:42,201 --> 00:00:44,203 We've consolidated your Photos and Music 21 00:00:44,203 --> 00:00:46,705 into one convenient location. 22 00:00:46,705 --> 00:00:48,709 Friend: Hohoho ... Dude, you didn't say you were so chubby in highschool. 23 00:00:48,709 --> 00:00:52,253 Friend of Friend: Man, do you listen to anything besides Top 40? 24 00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:55,003 Nick: How did you guys get in here? 25 00:00:55,003 --> 00:00:56,632 FB: Friends and Friends of Friends 26 00:00:56,632 --> 00:00:58,720 now have better access to you 27 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:00,721 through your new Privacy Door. 28 00:01:00,721 --> 00:01:02,637 Nick: No! I said in the last update that I didn't want anybody in here. 29 00:01:02,637 --> 00:01:06,356 Get out! Now! 30 00:01:06,356 --> 00:01:08,778 Nick: (to Friend 1) I haven't talked to you in six years. 31 00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:10,313 Nick: (to Friend of Friend): And I don't know who you are. 32 00:01:10,313 --> 00:01:12,234 Nick: (to FB) Would you stop resetting my privacy settings every ti--?! 33 00:01:12,234 --> 00:01:15,027 [knock on window] 34 00:01:15,027 --> 00:01:17,198 FB: I see your found your new Privacy Window. 35 00:01:17,198 --> 00:01:19,315 It allows for anyone on Earth 36 00:01:19,315 --> 00:01:20,323 to see what you're up to. 37 00:01:20,323 --> 00:01:21,370 Whenever they want! 38 00:01:21,370 --> 00:01:22,742 Nick: No! I said I don't want anything like this! 39 00:01:22,742 --> 00:01:26,038 Would you please--! 40 00:01:26,038 --> 00:01:27,081 FB: Just let me know when you're ready to move on. 41 00:01:27,081 --> 00:01:28,623 Nick: [heavy sigh] 42 00:01:28,623 --> 00:01:30,007 FB: Finally, we've combined your dining room 43 00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:30,856 and social media center 44 00:01:30,856 --> 00:01:32,335 Now it's way easier for your friends to keep you 45 00:01:32,335 --> 00:01:34,962 in the know. 46 00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:38,216 Friend 2: Nick! Hi! Can you go to my birthday party? 47 00:01:38,216 --> 00:01:40,052 Friend: Nick! Would you vote for my brother 48 00:01:40,052 --> 00:01:41,094 in his contests? 49 00:01:41,094 --> 00:01:42,887 Friend 2's Brother: [poke] 50 00:01:42,887 --> 00:01:44,189 Friend 2: Nick! Would you come to my improv show tonight? 51 00:01:44,189 --> 00:01:46,271 Nick: No! I'm not going to any of those. 52 00:01:46,271 --> 00:01:48,106 Friend 2: No! 53 00:01:48,106 --> 00:01:50,023 Nick: [pokes back] Stop it! 54 00:01:50,023 --> 00:01:51,897 Is this tour done because I'm getting sick of all these--? 55 00:01:51,897 --> 00:01:53,230 [barking sounds] 56 00:01:53,230 --> 00:01:55,526 Nick: What is that thing in my kitchen? 57 00:01:55,526 --> 00:01:56,978 FB: We've taken your cat and replaced it 58 00:01:56,978 --> 00:01:58,394 with a Dog. 59 00:01:58,394 --> 00:02:00,984 Nick: No! 60 00:02:00,984 --> 00:02:02,824 Nick: No!!! 61 00:02:02,824 --> 00:02:04,408 FB: We've also changed your walls around. 62 00:02:04,408 --> 00:02:05,655 Nick: These are just ads! What?!! 63 00:02:05,655 --> 00:02:07,706 FB: If you look here-- 64 00:02:07,706 --> 00:02:08,327 Nick: No! We're ending the tour. 65 00:02:08,327 --> 00:02:09,830 FB: Okay. 66 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,748 Nick: Motherfu--!