0:00:05.283,0:00:06.174 Nick: Oh, God damn it! 0:00:06.174,0:00:07.643 Facebook (FB): Hello! Welcome home, Nick. 0:00:07.693,0:00:10.086 Your new home update is ready for viewing. 0:00:10.394,0:00:10.394 Nick: Are you serious? 0:00:11.194,0:00:12.320 I just got used to the way you had it before. 0:00:12.320,0:00:12.926 FB: Just let me know if you're ready to begin the tour. 0:00:12.926,0:00:15.528 Nick: [sigh] 0:00:15.528,0:00:17.690 Okay. 0:00:17.690,0:00:19.755 FB: As you can see, we made some changes to improve the functionality 0:00:19.755,0:00:23.274 of your living room environment. 0:00:23.274,0:00:25.062 Nick: Wait ... no! Where's the other half of my couch? 0:00:25.062,0:00:27.228 Wha-- what is this chair thing? I-- 0:00:27.228,0:00:28.898 FB: We've decreased the size of your Television 0:00:28.898,0:00:31.148 to make room for your new Bookcase. 0:00:31.148,0:00:32.561 N: No, I had a 60-six inch TV! What? Can we just put the-- 0:00:32.561,0:00:36.784 FB: Just let me know when you're ready to move on. 0:00:36.784,0:00:39.323 Nick: sigh 0:00:39.323,0:00:40.867 Okay. 0:00:40.867,0:00:42.201 FB: Check out your new bedroom. 0:00:42.201,0:00:44.203 We've consolidated your Photos and Music 0:00:44.203,0:00:46.705 into one convenient location. 0:00:46.705,0:00:48.709 Friend: Hohoho ... Dude, you didn't say you were so chubby in highschool. 0:00:48.709,0:00:52.253 Friend of Friend: Man, do you listen to anything besides Top 40? 0:00:52.253,0:00:55.003 Nick: How did you guys get in here? 0:00:55.003,0:00:56.632 FB: Friends and Friends of Friends 0:00:56.632,0:00:58.720 now have better access to you 0:00:58.720,0:01:00.721 through your new Privacy Door. 0:01:00.721,0:01:02.637 Nick: No! I said in the last update that I didn't want anybody in here. 0:01:02.637,0:01:06.356 Get out! Now! 0:01:06.356,0:01:08.778 Nick: (to Friend 1) I haven't talked to you in six years. 0:01:08.778,0:01:10.313 Nick: (to Friend of Friend): And I don't know who you are. 0:01:10.313,0:01:12.234 Nick: (to FB) Would you stop resetting my privacy settings every ti--?! 0:01:12.234,0:01:15.027 [knock on window] 0:01:15.027,0:01:17.198 FB: I see your found your new Privacy Window. 0:01:17.198,0:01:19.315 It allows for anyone on Earth 0:01:19.315,0:01:20.323 to see what you're up to. 0:01:20.323,0:01:21.370 Whenever they want! 0:01:21.370,0:01:22.742 Nick: No! I said I don't want anything like this! 0:01:22.742,0:01:26.038 Would you please--! 0:01:26.038,0:01:27.081 FB: Just let me know when you're ready to move on. 0:01:27.081,0:01:28.623 Nick: [heavy sigh] 0:01:28.623,0:01:30.007 FB: Finally, we've combined your dining room 0:01:30.007,0:01:30.856 and social media center 0:01:30.856,0:01:32.335 Now it's way easier for your friends to keep you 0:01:32.335,0:01:34.962 in the know. 0:01:34.962,0:01:38.216 Friend 2: Nick! Hi! Can you go to my birthday party? 0:01:38.216,0:01:40.052 Friend: Nick! Would you vote for my brother 0:01:40.052,0:01:41.094 in his contests? 0:01:41.094,0:01:42.887 Friend 2's Brother: [poke] 0:01:42.887,0:01:44.189 Friend 2: Nick! Would you come to my improv show tonight? 0:01:44.189,0:01:46.271 Nick: No! I'm not going to any of those. 0:01:46.271,0:01:48.106 Friend 2: No! 0:01:48.106,0:01:50.023 Nick: [pokes back] Stop it! 0:01:50.023,0:01:51.897 Is this tour done because I'm getting sick of all these--? 0:01:51.897,0:01:53.230 [barking sounds] 0:01:53.230,0:01:55.526 Nick: What is that thing in my kitchen? 0:01:55.526,0:01:56.978 FB: We've taken your cat and replaced it 0:01:56.978,0:01:58.394 with a Dog. 0:01:58.394,0:02:00.984 Nick: No! 0:02:00.984,0:02:02.824 Nick: No!!! 0:02:02.824,0:02:04.408 FB: We've also changed your walls around. 0:02:04.408,0:02:05.655 Nick: These are just ads! What?!! 0:02:05.655,0:02:07.706 FB: If you look here-- 0:02:07.706,0:02:08.327 Nick: No! We're ending the tour. 0:02:08.327,0:02:09.830 FB: Okay. 0:02:09.830,0:02:12.748 Nick: Motherfu--!