WEBVTT 00:00:05.179 --> 00:00:06.174 Nick: Oh, God damn it! 00:00:06.174 --> 00:00:08.142 Facebook (FB): Hello! Welcome home, Nick. 00:00:08.142 --> 00:00:10.310 Your new home update is ready for viewing. 00:00:10.310 --> 00:00:11.290 Nick: Are you serious? 00:00:11.290 --> 00:00:12.914 I just got used to the way you had it before. 00:00:12.914 --> 00:00:15.119 FB: Just let me know if you're ready to begin the tour. 00:00:15.119 --> 00:00:18.535 Nick: [sigh] 00:00:18.535 --> 00:00:20.228 Okay. 00:00:20.228 --> 00:00:23.224 FB: As you can see, we made some changes to improve the functionality 00:00:23.224 --> 00:00:25.102 of your living room environment. 00:00:25.102 --> 00:00:26.894 Nick: Wait ... no! Where's the other half of my couch? 00:00:26.894 --> 00:00:28.977 Wha-- what is this chair thing? I-- 00:00:28.977 --> 00:00:30.860 FB: We've decreased the size of your Television 00:00:30.860 --> 00:00:32.651 to make room for your new Bookcase. 00:00:32.651 --> 00:00:35.980 N: No, I had a 60-six inch TV! What? Can we just put the-- 00:00:35.980 --> 00:00:38.729 FB: Just let me know when you're ready to move on. 00:00:38.729 --> 00:00:40.982 Nick: sigh 00:00:40.982 --> 00:00:42.673 Okay. 00:00:42.673 --> 00:00:44.408 FB: Check out your new bedroom. 00:00:44.408 --> 00:00:46.315 We've consolidated your Photos and Music 00:00:46.315 --> 00:00:48.812 into one convenient location. 00:00:48.812 --> 00:00:52.157 Friend: Hohoho ... Dude, you didn't say you were so chubby in highschool. 00:00:52.157 --> 00:00:55.009 Friend of Friend: Man, do you listen to anything besides Top 40? 00:00:55.009 --> 00:00:56.718 Nick: How did you guys get in here? 00:00:56.718 --> 00:00:58.911 FB: Friends and Friends of Friends 00:00:58.911 --> 00:01:00.654 now have better access to you 00:01:00.654 --> 00:01:02.742 through your new Privacy Door. 00:01:02.742 --> 00:01:06.331 Nick: No! I said in the last update that I didn't want anybody in here. 00:01:06.331 --> 00:01:08.908 Get out! Now! 00:01:08.908 --> 00:01:10.083 Nick: (to Friend 1) I haven't talked to you in six years. 00:01:10.083 --> 00:01:11.824 Nick: (to Friend of Friend): And I don't know who you are. 00:01:11.824 --> 00:01:15.316 Nick: (to FB) Would you stop resetting my privacy settings every ti--?! 00:01:15.316 --> 00:01:17.361 [knock on window] 00:01:17.361 --> 00:01:19.251 FB: I see your found your new Privacy Window. 00:01:19.251 --> 00:01:20.353 It allows for anyone on Earth 00:01:20.353 --> 00:01:21.862 to see what you're up to. 00:01:21.862 --> 00:01:23.032 Whenever they want! 00:01:23.032 --> 00:01:26.034 Nick: No! I said I don't want anything like this! 00:01:26.034 --> 00:01:27.080 Would you please--! 00:01:27.080 --> 00:01:28.506 FB: Just let me know when you're ready to move on. 00:01:28.506 --> 00:01:29.735 Nick: [heavy sigh] 00:01:29.735 --> 00:01:30.919 FB: Finally, we've combined your dining room 00:01:30.919 --> 00:01:32.470 and social media center 00:01:32.470 --> 00:01:34.869 Now it's way easier for your friends to keep you 00:01:34.869 --> 00:01:35.969 in the know. 00:01:35.969 --> 00:01:39.666 Friend 2: Nick! Hi! Can you go to my birthday party? 00:01:39.666 --> 00:01:41.323 Friend: Nick! Would you vote for my brother 00:01:41.323 --> 00:01:43.252 in his contests? 00:01:43.252 --> 00:01:43.879 Friend 2's Brother: [poke] 00:01:43.879 --> 00:01:46.247 Friend 2: Nick! Would you come to my improv show tonight? 00:01:46.247 --> 00:01:47.978 Nick: No! I'm not going to any of those. 00:01:47.978 --> 00:01:50.171 Friend 2: No! 00:01:50.171 --> 00:01:52.027 Nick: [pokes back] Stop it! 00:01:52.027 --> 00:01:54.007 Is this tour done because I'm getting sick of all these--? 00:01:54.007 --> 00:01:55.745 [barking sounds] 00:01:55.745 --> 00:01:57.066 Nick: What is that thing in my kitchen? 00:01:57.066 --> 00:01:58.359 FB: We've taken your cat and replaced it 00:01:58.359 --> 00:02:00.935 with a Dog. 00:02:00.935 --> 00:02:02.919 Nick: No! 00:02:02.919 --> 00:02:04.034 Nick: No!!! 00:02:04.034 --> 00:02:05.763 FB: We've also changed your walls around. 00:02:05.763 --> 00:02:07.739 Nick: These are just ads! What?!! 00:02:07.739 --> 00:02:08.677 FB: If you look here-- 00:02:08.677 --> 00:02:09.607 Nick: No! We're ending the tour. 00:02:09.607 --> 00:02:14.798 FB: Okay. 00:02:14.798 --> 00:02:18.798 Nick: Motherfu--!