1 00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:06,174 Nick: Oh, God damn it! 2 00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:08,142 Facebook (FB): Hello! Welcome home, Nick. 3 00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:10,310 Your new home update is ready for viewing. 4 00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:11,290 Nick: Are you serious? 5 00:00:11,290 --> 00:00:12,914 I just got used to the way you had it before. 6 00:00:12,914 --> 00:00:15,119 FB: Just let me know if you're ready to begin the tour. 7 00:00:15,119 --> 00:00:18,535 Nick: [sigh] 8 00:00:18,535 --> 00:00:20,228 Okay. 9 00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:23,224 FB: As you can see, we made some changes to improve the functionality 10 00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:25,102 of your living room environment. 11 00:00:25,102 --> 00:00:26,894 Nick: Wait ... no! Where's the other half of my couch? 12 00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:28,977 Wha-- what is this chair thing? I-- 13 00:00:28,977 --> 00:00:30,860 FB: We've decreased the size of your Television 14 00:00:30,860 --> 00:00:32,651 to make room for your new Bookcase. 15 00:00:32,651 --> 00:00:35,980 N: No, I had a 60-six inch TV! What? Can we just put the-- 16 00:00:35,980 --> 00:00:38,729 FB: Just let me know when you're ready to move on. 17 00:00:38,729 --> 00:00:40,982 Nick: sigh 18 00:00:40,982 --> 00:00:42,673 Okay. 19 00:00:42,673 --> 00:00:44,408 FB: Check out your new bedroom. 20 00:00:44,408 --> 00:00:46,315 We've consolidated your Photos and Music 21 00:00:46,315 --> 00:00:48,812 into one convenient location. 22 00:00:48,812 --> 00:00:52,157 Friend: Hohoho ... Dude, you didn't say you were so chubby in highschool. 23 00:00:52,157 --> 00:00:55,009 Friend of Friend: Man, do you listen to anything besides Top 40? 24 00:00:55,009 --> 00:00:56,718 Nick: How did you guys get in here? 25 00:00:56,718 --> 00:00:58,911 FB: Friends and Friends of Friends 26 00:00:58,911 --> 00:01:00,654 now have better access to you 27 00:01:00,654 --> 00:01:02,742 through your new Privacy Door. 28 00:01:02,742 --> 00:01:06,331 Nick: No! I said in the last update that I didn't want anybody in here. 29 00:01:06,331 --> 00:01:08,908 Get out! Now! 30 00:01:08,908 --> 00:01:10,083 Nick: (to Friend 1) I haven't talked to you in six years. 31 00:01:10,083 --> 00:01:11,824 Nick: (to Friend of Friend): And I don't know who you are. 32 00:01:11,824 --> 00:01:15,316 Nick: (to FB) Would you stop resetting my privacy settings every ti--?! 33 00:01:15,316 --> 00:01:17,361 [knock on window] 34 00:01:17,361 --> 00:01:19,251 FB: I see your found your new Privacy Window. 35 00:01:19,251 --> 00:01:20,353 It allows for anyone on Earth 36 00:01:20,353 --> 00:01:21,862 to see what you're up to. 37 00:01:21,862 --> 00:01:23,032 Whenever they want! 38 00:01:23,032 --> 00:01:26,034 Nick: No! I said I don't want anything like this! 39 00:01:26,034 --> 00:01:27,080 Would you please--! 40 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:28,506 FB: Just let me know when you're ready to move on. 41 00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:29,735 Nick: [heavy sigh] 42 00:01:29,735 --> 00:01:30,919 FB: Finally, we've combined your dining room 43 00:01:30,919 --> 00:01:32,470 and social media center 44 00:01:32,470 --> 00:01:34,869 Now it's way easier for your friends to keep you 45 00:01:34,869 --> 00:01:35,969 in the know. 46 00:01:35,969 --> 00:01:39,666 Friend 2: Nick! Hi! Can you go to my birthday party? 47 00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:41,323 Friend: Nick! Would you vote for my brother 48 00:01:41,323 --> 00:01:43,252 in his contests? 49 00:01:43,252 --> 00:01:43,879 Friend 2's Brother: [poke] 50 00:01:43,879 --> 00:01:46,247 Friend 2: Nick! Would you come to my improv show tonight? 51 00:01:46,247 --> 00:01:47,978 Nick: No! I'm not going to any of those. 52 00:01:47,978 --> 00:01:50,171 Friend 2: No! 53 00:01:50,171 --> 00:01:52,027 Nick: [pokes back] Stop it! 54 00:01:52,027 --> 00:01:54,007 Is this tour done because I'm getting sick of all these--? 55 00:01:54,007 --> 00:01:55,745 [barking sounds] 56 00:01:55,745 --> 00:01:57,066 Nick: What is that thing in my kitchen? 57 00:01:57,066 --> 00:01:58,359 FB: We've taken your cat and replaced it 58 00:01:58,359 --> 00:02:00,935 with a Dog. 59 00:02:00,935 --> 00:02:02,919 Nick: No! 60 00:02:02,919 --> 00:02:04,034 Nick: No!!! 61 00:02:04,034 --> 00:02:05,763 FB: We've also changed your walls around. 62 00:02:05,763 --> 00:02:07,739 Nick: These are just ads! What?!! 63 00:02:07,739 --> 00:02:08,677 FB: If you look here-- 64 00:02:08,677 --> 00:02:09,607 Nick: No! We're ending the tour. 65 00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:14,798 FB: Okay. 66 00:02:14,798 --> 00:02:18,798 Nick: Motherfu--!