0:00:05.179,0:00:06.174 Nick: Oh, God damn it! 0:00:06.174,0:00:08.142 Facebook (FB): Hello! Welcome home, Nick. 0:00:08.142,0:00:10.310 Your new home update is ready for viewing. 0:00:10.310,0:00:11.290 Nick: Are you serious? 0:00:11.290,0:00:12.914 I just got used to the way you had it before. 0:00:12.914,0:00:15.119 FB: Just let me know if you're ready to begin the tour. 0:00:15.119,0:00:18.535 Nick: [sigh] 0:00:18.535,0:00:20.228 Okay. 0:00:20.228,0:00:23.224 FB: As you can see, we made some changes to improve the functionality 0:00:23.224,0:00:25.102 of your living room environment. 0:00:25.102,0:00:26.894 Nick: Wait ... no! Where's the other half of my couch? 0:00:26.894,0:00:28.977 Wha-- what is this chair thing? I-- 0:00:28.977,0:00:30.860 FB: We've decreased the size of your Television 0:00:30.860,0:00:32.651 to make room for your new Bookcase. 0:00:32.651,0:00:35.980 N: No, I had a 60-six inch TV! What? Can we just put the-- 0:00:35.980,0:00:38.729 FB: Just let me know when you're ready to move on. 0:00:38.729,0:00:40.982 Nick: sigh 0:00:40.982,0:00:42.673 Okay. 0:00:42.673,0:00:44.408 FB: Check out your new bedroom. 0:00:44.408,0:00:46.315 We've consolidated your Photos and Music 0:00:46.315,0:00:48.812 into one convenient location. 0:00:48.812,0:00:52.157 Friend: Hohoho ... Dude, you didn't say you were so chubby in highschool. 0:00:52.157,0:00:55.009 Friend of Friend: Man, do you listen to anything besides Top 40? 0:00:55.009,0:00:56.718 Nick: How did you guys get in here? 0:00:56.718,0:00:58.911 FB: Friends and Friends of Friends 0:00:58.911,0:01:00.654 now have better access to you 0:01:00.654,0:01:02.742 through your new Privacy Door. 0:01:02.742,0:01:06.331 Nick: No! I said in the last update that I didn't want anybody in here. 0:01:06.331,0:01:08.908 Get out! Now! 0:01:08.908,0:01:10.083 Nick: (to Friend 1) I haven't talked to you in six years. 0:01:10.083,0:01:11.824 Nick: (to Friend of Friend): And I don't know who you are. 0:01:11.824,0:01:15.316 Nick: (to FB) Would you stop resetting my privacy settings every ti--?! 0:01:15.316,0:01:17.361 [knock on window] 0:01:17.361,0:01:19.251 FB: I see your found your new Privacy Window. 0:01:19.251,0:01:20.353 It allows for anyone on Earth 0:01:20.353,0:01:21.862 to see what you're up to. 0:01:21.862,0:01:23.032 Whenever they want! 0:01:23.032,0:01:26.034 Nick: No! I said I don't want anything like this! 0:01:26.034,0:01:27.080 Would you please--! 0:01:27.080,0:01:28.506 FB: Just let me know when you're ready to move on. 0:01:28.506,0:01:29.735 Nick: [heavy sigh] 0:01:29.735,0:01:30.919 FB: Finally, we've combined your dining room 0:01:30.919,0:01:32.470 and social media center 0:01:32.470,0:01:34.869 Now it's way easier for your friends to keep you 0:01:34.869,0:01:35.969 in the know. 0:01:35.969,0:01:39.666 Friend 2: Nick! Hi! Can you go to my birthday party? 0:01:39.666,0:01:41.323 Friend: Nick! Would you vote for my brother 0:01:41.323,0:01:43.252 in his contests? 0:01:43.252,0:01:43.879 Friend 2's Brother: [poke] 0:01:43.879,0:01:46.247 Friend 2: Nick! Would you come to my improv show tonight? 0:01:46.247,0:01:47.978 Nick: No! I'm not going to any of those. 0:01:47.978,0:01:50.171 Friend 2: No! 0:01:50.171,0:01:52.027 Nick: [pokes back] Stop it! 0:01:52.027,0:01:54.007 Is this tour done because I'm getting sick of all these--? 0:01:54.007,0:01:55.745 [barking sounds] 0:01:55.745,0:01:57.066 Nick: What is that thing in my kitchen? 0:01:57.066,0:01:58.359 FB: We've taken your cat and replaced it 0:01:58.359,0:02:00.935 with a Dog. 0:02:00.935,0:02:02.919 Nick: No! 0:02:02.919,0:02:04.034 Nick: No!!! 0:02:04.034,0:02:05.763 FB: We've also changed your walls around. 0:02:05.763,0:02:07.739 Nick: These are just ads! What?!! 0:02:07.739,0:02:08.677 FB: If you look here-- 0:02:08.677,0:02:09.607 Nick: No! We're ending the tour. 0:02:09.607,0:02:14.798 FB: Okay. 0:02:14.798,0:02:18.798 Nick: Motherfu--!