0:00:00.618,0:00:02.056
When I was born,

0:00:02.056,0:00:03.736
there was really only one book

0:00:03.736,0:00:05.622
about how to raise your children,

0:00:05.622,0:00:08.789
and it was written by Dr. Spock.

0:00:08.789,0:00:10.725
(Laughter)

0:00:10.725,0:00:11.956
Thank you for indulging me.

0:00:11.956,0:00:15.562
I have always wanted to do that.

0:00:15.562,0:00:17.665
No, it was Benjamin Spock,

0:00:17.665,0:00:21.515
and his book was called "The Common[br]Sense Book of Baby And Child Care."

0:00:21.515,0:00:27.162
It sold almost 50 million copies [br]by the time he died.

0:00:27.162,0:00:30.807
Today, I, as the mother of a six-year-old,

0:00:30.807,0:00:32.484
walk into Barnes and Noble,

0:00:32.484,0:00:35.165
and see this.

0:00:35.165,0:00:37.124
And it is amazing

0:00:37.124,0:00:40.828
the variety that one finds [br]on those shelves.

0:00:40.828,0:00:45.250
There are guides to raising [br]an eco-friendly kid,

0:00:45.250,0:00:47.445
a gluten-free kid,

0:00:47.445,0:00:49.810
a disease-proof kid,

0:00:49.810,0:00:53.763
which, if you ask me, is a little bit creepy.

0:00:53.763,0:00:56.300
There are guides to raising a bilingual kid

0:00:56.300,0:00:59.151
even if you only speak one language at home.

0:00:59.151,0:01:02.767
There are guides to raising a financially savvy kid

0:01:02.767,0:01:05.529
and a science-minded kid

0:01:05.529,0:01:08.639
and a kid who is a whiz at yoga.

0:01:08.639,0:01:11.849
Short of teaching your toddler how to defuse

0:01:11.849,0:01:13.199
a nuclear bomb,

0:01:13.199,0:01:19.705
there is pretty much a guide to everything.

0:01:19.705,0:01:22.319
All of these books are well-intentioned.

0:01:22.319,0:01:26.829
I am sure that many of them are great.

0:01:26.829,0:01:30.930
But taken together, I am sorry,

0:01:30.930,0:01:33.281
I do not see help

0:01:33.281,0:01:37.130
when I look at that shelf.

0:01:37.130,0:01:39.404
I see anxiety.

0:01:39.404,0:01:42.131
I see a giant candy-colored monument

0:01:42.131,0:01:45.074
to our collective panic,

0:01:45.074,0:01:47.655
and it makes me want to know,

0:01:47.655,0:01:50.038
why is it that raising our children

0:01:50.038,0:01:51.820
is associated with so much anguish

0:01:51.820,0:01:54.078
and so much confusion?

0:01:54.078,0:01:56.792
Why is it that we are at sixes and sevens

0:01:56.792,0:01:59.768
about the one thing human beings

0:01:59.768,0:02:01.632
have been doing successfully for millennia,

0:02:01.632,0:02:04.468
long before parenting message boards

0:02:04.468,0:02:07.345
and peer-reviewed studies came along?

0:02:07.345,0:02:09.998
Why is it that so many mothers and fathers

0:02:09.998,0:02:16.220
experience parenthood as a kind of crisis?

0:02:16.220,0:02:18.566
Crisis might seem like a strong word,

0:02:18.566,0:02:21.544
but there is data suggesting it probably isn't.

0:02:21.544,0:02:24.300
There was, in fact, a paper of just this very name,

0:02:24.300,0:02:28.386
"Parenthood as Crisis," published in 1957,

0:02:28.386,0:02:30.924
and in the 50-plus years since,

0:02:30.924,0:02:33.010
there has been plenty of scholarship

0:02:33.010,0:02:35.417
documenting a pretty clear pattern

0:02:35.417,0:02:37.472
of parental anguish.

0:02:37.472,0:02:40.778
Parents experience more stress than non-parents.

0:02:40.778,0:02:43.694
Their marital satisfaction is lower.

0:02:43.694,0:02:45.211
There have been a number of studies

0:02:45.211,0:02:46.500
looking at how parents feel

0:02:46.500,0:02:48.917
when they are spending time with their kids,

0:02:48.917,0:02:52.817
and the answer often is, not so great.

0:02:52.817,0:02:54.855
Last year, I spoke with a researcher

0:02:54.855,0:02:56.151
named Matthew Killingsworth

0:02:56.151,0:02:59.611
who is doing a very, very imaginative project

0:02:59.611,0:03:01.509
that tracks people's happiness,

0:03:01.509,0:03:05.478
and here is what he told me he found:

0:03:05.478,0:03:07.092
"Interacting with your friends

0:03:07.092,0:03:10.004
is better than interacting with your spouse,

0:03:10.004,0:03:13.360
which is better than interacting with other relatives,

0:03:13.360,0:03:16.585
which is better than interacting with acquaintances,

0:03:16.585,0:03:19.530
which is better than interacting with parents,

0:03:19.530,0:03:23.306
which is better than interacting with children.

0:03:23.306,0:03:25.306
Who are on par with strangers."

0:03:25.306,0:03:29.812
(Laughter)

0:03:29.812,0:03:32.179
But here's the thing.

0:03:32.179,0:03:35.257
I have been looking at what underlies these data

0:03:35.257,0:03:37.168
for three years,

0:03:37.168,0:03:40.394
and children are not the problem.

0:03:40.394,0:03:45.381
Something about parenting right now at this moment

0:03:45.381,0:03:47.421
is the problem.

0:03:47.421,0:03:49.910
Specifically, I don't think we know

0:03:49.910,0:03:52.426
what parenting is supposed to be.

0:03:52.426,0:03:54.606
Parent, as a verb,

0:03:54.606,0:03:58.868
only entered common usage in 1970.

0:03:58.868,0:04:02.190
Our roles as mothers and fathers have changed.

0:04:02.190,0:04:05.031
The roles of our children have changed.

0:04:05.031,0:04:07.373
We are all now furiously improvising

0:04:07.373,0:04:09.279
our way through a situation

0:04:09.279,0:04:12.872
for which there is no script,

0:04:12.872,0:04:14.913
and if you're an amazing jazz musician,

0:04:14.913,0:04:17.100
then improv is great,

0:04:17.100,0:04:19.505
but for the rest of us,

0:04:19.505,0:04:23.321
it can kind of feel like a crisis.

0:04:23.321,0:04:25.901
So how did we get here?

0:04:25.901,0:04:28.017
How is it that we are all now navigating

0:04:28.017,0:04:29.569
a child-rearing universe

0:04:29.569,0:04:32.397
without any norms to guide us?

0:04:32.397,0:04:34.557
Well, for starters, there has been

0:04:34.557,0:04:36.396
a major historical change.

0:04:36.396,0:04:38.589
Until fairly recently,

0:04:38.589,0:04:42.301
kids worked, on our farms primarily,

0:04:42.301,0:04:45.169
but also in factories, mills, mines.

0:04:45.169,0:04:48.085
Kids were considered economic assets.

0:04:48.085,0:04:50.181
Sometime during the Progressive Era,

0:04:50.181,0:04:51.809
we put an end to this arrangement.

0:04:51.809,0:04:54.080
We recognized kids had rights,

0:04:54.080,0:04:55.600
we banned child labor,

0:04:55.600,0:04:58.370
we focused on education instead,

0:04:58.370,0:05:01.546
and school became a child's new work.

0:05:01.546,0:05:03.252
And thank God it did.

0:05:03.252,0:05:05.649
But that only made a parent's role

0:05:05.649,0:05:07.420
more confusing in a way.

0:05:07.420,0:05:08.972
The old arrangement might not have been

0:05:08.972,0:05:12.090
particularly ethical, but it was reciprocal.

0:05:12.090,0:05:14.446
We provided food, clothing, shelter,

0:05:14.446,0:05:16.570
and moral instruction to our kids,

0:05:16.570,0:05:22.210
and they in return provided income.

0:05:22.210,0:05:24.178
Once kids stopped working,

0:05:24.178,0:05:27.482
the economics of parenting changed.

0:05:27.482,0:05:30.054
Kids became, in the words of one

0:05:30.054,0:05:33.496
brilliant if totally ruthless sociologist,

0:05:33.496,0:05:38.258
"economically worthless but emotionally priceless."

0:05:38.258,0:05:40.649
Rather than them working for us,

0:05:40.649,0:05:42.552
we began to work for them,

0:05:42.552,0:05:44.412
because within only a matter of decades

0:05:44.412,0:05:45.820
it became clear:

0:05:45.820,0:05:48.190
if we wanted our kids to succeed,

0:05:48.190,0:05:51.183
school was not enough.

0:05:51.183,0:05:55.980
Today, extracurricular activities are a kid's new work,

0:05:55.980,0:05:57.737
but that's work for us too,

0:05:57.737,0:06:00.920
because we are the ones[br]driving them to soccer practice.

0:06:00.920,0:06:03.783
Massive piles of homework are a kid's new work,

0:06:03.783,0:06:05.351
but that's also work for us,

0:06:05.351,0:06:07.462
because we have to check it.

0:06:07.462,0:06:09.787
About three years ago, a Texas woman

0:06:09.787,0:06:10.841
told something to me

0:06:10.841,0:06:14.120
that totally broke my heart.

0:06:14.120,0:06:18.160
She said, almost casually,

0:06:18.160,0:06:22.594
"Homework is the new dinner."

0:06:22.594,0:06:25.194
The middle class now pours all of its time

0:06:25.194,0:06:28.636
and energy and resources into its kids,

0:06:28.636,0:06:29.989
even though the middle class

0:06:29.989,0:06:33.602
has less and less of those things to give.

0:06:33.602,0:06:36.886
Mothers now spend more time with their children

0:06:36.886,0:06:39.269
than they did in 1965,

0:06:39.269,0:06:44.663
when most women were not even in the workforce.

0:06:44.663,0:06:46.775
It would probably be easier for parents

0:06:46.775,0:06:48.166
to do their new roles

0:06:48.166,0:06:51.731
if they knew what they were preparing their kids for.

0:06:51.731,0:06:54.175
This is yet another thing that[br]makes modern parenting

0:06:54.175,0:06:56.245
so very confounding.

0:06:56.245,0:06:59.933
We have no clue what portion our wisdom, if any,

0:06:59.933,0:07:01.690
is of use to our kids.

0:07:01.690,0:07:03.123
The world is changing so rapidly,

0:07:03.123,0:07:05.326
it's impossible to say.

0:07:05.326,0:07:07.401
This was true even when I was young.

0:07:07.401,0:07:10.425
When I was a kid, high school specifically,

0:07:10.425,0:07:12.409
I was told that I would be at sea

0:07:12.409,0:07:14.194
in the new global economy

0:07:14.194,0:07:18.700
if I did not know Japanese.

0:07:18.700,0:07:21.202
And with all due respect to the Japanese,

0:07:21.202,0:07:23.643
it didn't turn out that way.

0:07:23.643,0:07:25.931
Now there is a certain kind of middle-class parent

0:07:25.931,0:07:28.635
that is obsessed with teaching their kids Mandarin,

0:07:28.635,0:07:31.245
and maybe they're onto something,

0:07:31.245,0:07:33.980
but we cannot know for sure.

0:07:33.980,0:07:36.609
So, absent being able to anticipate the future,

0:07:36.609,0:07:39.234
what we all do, as good parents,

0:07:39.234,0:07:41.161
is try and prepare our kids

0:07:41.161,0:07:44.209
for every possible kind of future,

0:07:44.209,0:07:48.266
hoping that just one of our efforts will pay off.

0:07:48.266,0:07:50.194
We teach our kids chess,

0:07:50.194,0:07:52.829
thinking maybe they will need analytical skills.

0:07:52.829,0:07:55.274
We sign them up for team sports,

0:07:55.274,0:07:58.561
thinking maybe they will need collaborative skills,

0:07:58.561,0:08:01.081
you know, for when they go[br]to Harvard Business School.

0:08:01.081,0:08:04.310
We try and teach them to be financially savvy

0:08:04.310,0:08:07.767
and science-minded and eco-friendly

0:08:07.767,0:08:10.733
and gluten-free,

0:08:10.733,0:08:12.705
though now is probably a good time to tell you

0:08:12.705,0:08:18.245
that I was not eco-friendly and gluten-free as a child.

0:08:18.245,0:08:23.035
I ate jars of pureed macaroni and beef.

0:08:23.035,0:08:25.212
And you know what? I'm doing okay.

0:08:25.212,0:08:27.625
I pay my taxes.

0:08:27.625,0:08:30.842
I hold down a steady job.

0:08:30.842,0:08:35.170
I was even invited to speak at TED.

0:08:35.170,0:08:36.552
But the presumption now is that

0:08:36.552,0:08:39.950
what was good enough for me,[br]or for my folks for that matter,

0:08:39.950,0:08:41.761
isn't good enough anymore.

0:08:41.761,0:08:45.425
So we all make a mad dash to that bookshelf,

0:08:45.425,0:08:48.737
because we feel like if we aren't trying everything,

0:08:48.737,0:08:50.867
it's as if we're doing nothing

0:08:50.867,0:08:56.204
and we're defaulting on our obligations to our kids.

0:08:56.204,0:08:58.812
So it's hard enough to navigate our new roles

0:08:58.812,0:09:00.334
as mothers and fathers.

0:09:00.334,0:09:02.780
Now add to this problem something else:

0:09:02.780,0:09:04.708
we are also navigating new roles

0:09:04.708,0:09:06.312
as husbands and wives

0:09:06.312,0:09:09.960
because most women today are in the workforce.

0:09:09.960,0:09:11.490
This is another reason, I think,

0:09:11.490,0:09:13.812
that parenthood feels like a crisis.

0:09:13.812,0:09:16.462
We have no rules, no scripts, no norms

0:09:16.462,0:09:19.002
for what to do when a child comes along

0:09:19.002,0:09:22.193
now that both mom and dad are breadwinners.

0:09:22.193,0:09:24.598
The writer Michael Lewis once put this

0:09:24.598,0:09:25.835
very, very well.

0:09:25.835,0:09:28.347
He said that the surest way

0:09:28.347,0:09:30.142
for a couple to start fighting

0:09:30.142,0:09:33.170
is for them to go out to dinner with another couple

0:09:33.170,0:09:34.355
whose division of labor

0:09:34.355,0:09:37.965
is ever so slightly different from theirs,

0:09:37.965,0:09:41.641
because the conversation in[br]the car on the way home

0:09:41.641,0:09:43.858
goes something like this:

0:09:44.775,0:09:49.408
"So, did you catch that Dave is the one

0:09:49.408,0:09:53.309
who walks them to school every morning?"

0:09:53.309,0:09:57.130
(Laughter)

0:09:57.742,0:10:00.257
Without scripts telling us who does what

0:10:00.257,0:10:03.306
in this brave new world, couples fight,

0:10:03.306,0:10:06.545
and both mothers and fathers each have

0:10:06.545,0:10:08.475
their legitimate gripes.

0:10:08.475,0:10:10.330
Mothers are much more likely

0:10:10.330,0:10:12.408
to be multi-tasking when they are at home,

0:10:12.408,0:10:14.619
and fathers, when they are at home,

0:10:14.619,0:10:17.578
are much more likely to be mono-tasking.

0:10:17.578,0:10:20.146
Find a guy at home, and odds are

0:10:20.146,0:10:23.907
he is doing just one thing at a time.

0:10:23.907,0:10:26.811
In fact, UCLA recently did a study

0:10:26.811,0:10:29.344
looking at the most common configuration

0:10:29.344,0:10:32.390
of family members in middle-class homes.

0:10:32.390,0:10:34.123
Guess what it was?

0:10:34.123,0:10:36.770
Dad in a room by himself.

0:10:36.770,0:10:39.210
According to the American Time Use Survey,

0:10:39.210,0:10:42.435
mothers still do twice as much childcare as fathers,

0:10:42.435,0:10:46.034
which is better than it was in Erma Bombeck's day,

0:10:46.034,0:10:48.300
but I still think that something she wrote

0:10:48.300,0:10:51.172
is highly relevant:

0:10:51.172,0:10:54.890
"I have not been alone in the[br]bathroom since October."

0:10:54.890,0:10:59.224
(Laughter)

0:10:59.224,0:11:04.054
But here is the thing: Men are doing plenty.

0:11:04.054,0:11:05.830
They spend more time with their kids

0:11:05.830,0:11:09.164
than their fathers ever spent with them.

0:11:09.164,0:11:11.144
They work more paid hours, on average,

0:11:11.144,0:11:12.837
than their wives,

0:11:12.837,0:11:14.671
and they genuinely want to be good,

0:11:14.671,0:11:16.250
involved dads.

0:11:16.250,0:11:19.618
Today, it is fathers, not mothers,

0:11:19.618,0:11:23.729
who report the most work-life conflict.

0:11:23.729,0:11:25.961
Either way, by the way,

0:11:25.961,0:11:28.296
if you think it's hard for traditional families

0:11:28.296,0:11:29.920
to sort out these new roles,

0:11:29.920,0:11:31.756
just imagine what it's like now

0:11:31.756,0:11:33.651
for non-traditional families:

0:11:33.651,0:11:36.246
families with two dads, families with two moms,

0:11:36.246,0:11:37.951
single-parent households.

0:11:37.951,0:11:42.344
They are truly improvising as they go.

0:11:42.344,0:11:46.135
Now, in a more progressive country,

0:11:46.135,0:11:48.865
and forgive me here for capitulating to cliché

0:11:48.865,0:11:51.919
and invoking, yes, Sweden,

0:11:51.919,0:11:54.840
parents could rely on the state

0:11:54.840,0:11:57.489
for support.

0:11:57.489,0:11:59.368
There are countries that acknowledge

0:11:59.368,0:12:00.801
the anxieties and the changing roles

0:12:00.801,0:12:03.165
of mothers and fathers.

0:12:03.165,0:12:06.429
Unfortunately, the United States is not one of them,

0:12:06.429,0:12:08.394
so in case you were wondering what the U.S.

0:12:08.394,0:12:13.697
has in common with Papua New Guinea and Liberia,

0:12:13.697,0:12:16.728
it's this:

0:12:16.728,0:12:20.455
We too have no paid maternity leave policy.

0:12:20.455,0:12:27.702
We are one of eight known countries that does not.

0:12:27.702,0:12:31.273
In this age of intense confusion,

0:12:31.273,0:12:34.675
there is just one goal upon which

0:12:34.675,0:12:36.507
all parents can agree,

0:12:36.507,0:12:37.971
and that is whether they are

0:12:37.971,0:12:42.537
tiger moms or hippie moms, helicopters or drones,

0:12:42.537,0:12:46.678
our kids' happiness is paramount.

0:12:46.678,0:12:48.560
That is what it means

0:12:48.560,0:12:51.010
to raise kids in an age

0:12:51.010,0:12:53.235
when they are economically worthless

0:12:53.235,0:12:55.480
but emotionally priceless.

0:12:55.480,0:12:58.880
We are all the custodians of their self-esteem.

0:12:58.880,0:13:02.713
The one mantra no parent ever questions is,

0:13:02.713,0:13:08.444
"All I want is for my children to be happy."

0:13:08.444,0:13:10.157
And don't get me wrong:

0:13:10.157,0:13:15.037
I think happiness is a wonderful goal for a child.

0:13:15.037,0:13:18.743
But it is a very elusive one.

0:13:18.743,0:13:22.683
Happiness and self-confidence,

0:13:22.683,0:13:24.664
teaching children that is not like teaching them

0:13:24.664,0:13:26.180
how to plow a field.

0:13:26.180,0:13:28.881
It's not like teaching them how to ride a bike.

0:13:28.881,0:13:31.438
There's no curriculum for it.

0:13:31.438,0:13:35.035
Happiness and self-confidence can[br]be the byproducts of other things,

0:13:35.035,0:13:38.090
but they cannot really be goals unto themselves.

0:13:38.090,0:13:39.756
A child's happiness

0:13:39.756,0:13:43.511
is a very unfair burden to place on a parent.

0:13:43.521,0:13:46.359
And happiness is an even more unfair burden

0:13:46.359,0:13:49.199
to place on a kid.

0:13:49.199,0:13:51.222
And I have to tell you,

0:13:51.222,0:13:55.104
I think it leads to some very strange excesses.

0:13:55.104,0:13:57.506
We are now so anxious

0:13:57.506,0:14:00.824
to protect our kids from the world's ugliness

0:14:00.824,0:14:05.576
that we now shield them from "Sesame Street."

0:14:05.576,0:14:07.712
I wish I could say I was kidding about this,

0:14:07.712,0:14:10.384
but if you go out and you buy

0:14:10.384,0:14:13.323
the first few episodes of "Sesame Street" on DVD,

0:14:13.323,0:14:16.404
as I did out of nostalgia,

0:14:16.404,0:14:19.517
you will find a warning at the beginning

0:14:19.517,0:14:22.147
saying that the content is not suitable

0:14:22.147,0:14:23.915
for children.

0:14:23.915,0:14:26.025
(Laughter)

0:14:26.025,0:14:27.230
Can I just repeat that?

0:14:27.230,0:14:29.861
The content of the original "Sesame Street"

0:14:29.861,0:14:33.203
is not suitable for children.

0:14:33.203,0:14:36.845
When asked about this by The New York Times,

0:14:36.845,0:14:40.150
a producer for the show gave[br]a variety of explanations.

0:14:40.150,0:14:42.909
One was that Cookie Monster smoked a pipe

0:14:42.909,0:14:44.670
in one skit and then swallowed it.

0:14:44.670,0:14:46.105
Bad modeling. I don't know.

0:14:46.105,0:14:49.087
But the thing that stuck with me

0:14:49.087,0:14:51.542
is she said that she didn't know

0:14:51.542,0:14:55.881
whether Oscar the Grouch could be invented today

0:14:55.881,0:15:00.779
because he was too depressive.

0:15:00.779,0:15:03.187
I cannot tell you how much this distresses me.

0:15:03.187,0:15:04.706
(Laughter)

0:15:04.706,0:15:06.559
You are looking at a woman

0:15:06.559,0:15:09.603
who has a periodic table of the Muppets

0:15:09.603,0:15:13.395
hanging from her cubicle wall.

0:15:13.395,0:15:17.154
The offending muppet, right there.

0:15:18.239,0:15:23.025
That's my son the day he was born.

0:15:23.025,0:15:25.217
I was high as a kite on morphine.

0:15:25.217,0:15:29.080
I had had an unexpected C-section.

0:15:29.080,0:15:32.596
But even in my opiate haze,

0:15:32.596,0:15:35.529
I managed to have one very clear thought

0:15:35.529,0:15:38.481
the first time I held him.

0:15:38.481,0:15:40.385
I whispered it into his ear.

0:15:40.385,0:15:49.269
I said, "I will try so hard not to hurt you."

0:15:49.269,0:15:50.589
It was the Hippocratic Oath,

0:15:50.589,0:15:54.467
and I didn't even know I was saying it.

0:15:54.467,0:15:56.791
But it occurs to me now

0:15:56.791,0:15:58.870
that the Hippocratic Oath

0:15:58.870,0:16:03.202
is a much more realistic aim than happiness.

0:16:03.202,0:16:06.802
In fact, as any parent will tell you,

0:16:06.802,0:16:09.570
it's awfully hard.

0:16:09.570,0:16:14.424
All of us have said or done hurtful things

0:16:14.424,0:16:20.398
that we wish to God we could take back.

0:16:20.398,0:16:23.246
I think in another era

0:16:23.246,0:16:27.238
we did not expect quite so much from ourselves,

0:16:27.238,0:16:30.920
and it is important that we all remember that

0:16:30.920,0:16:34.754
the next time we are staring with our hearts racing

0:16:34.754,0:16:38.800
at those bookshelves.

0:16:40.254,0:16:43.508
I'm not really sure how to create new norms

0:16:43.508,0:16:45.186
for this world,

0:16:45.186,0:16:48.270
but I do think that

0:16:48.270,0:16:51.588
in our desperate quest to create happy kids,

0:16:51.588,0:16:54.615
we may be assuming the wrong moral burden.

0:16:54.615,0:16:56.333
It strikes me as a better goal,

0:16:56.333,0:16:58.549
and, dare I say, a more virtuous one,

0:16:58.549,0:17:01.268
to focus on making productive kids

0:17:01.268,0:17:02.608
and moral kids,

0:17:02.608,0:17:04.924
and to simply hope that happiness will come to them

0:17:04.924,0:17:07.670
by virtue of the good that they do

0:17:07.670,0:17:09.898
and their accomplishments

0:17:09.898,0:17:12.796
and the love that they feel from us.

0:17:12.796,0:17:18.429
That, anyway, is one response to having no script.

0:17:18.429,0:17:21.762
Absent having new scripts,

0:17:21.762,0:17:25.447
we just follow the oldest ones in the book --

0:17:25.447,0:17:31.046
decency, a work ethic, love —

0:17:31.046,0:17:35.370
and let happiness and self-esteem[br]take care of themselves.

0:17:35.370,0:17:37.414
I think if we all did that,

0:17:37.414,0:17:40.955
the kids would still be all right,

0:17:40.955,0:17:43.601
and so would their parents,

0:17:43.601,0:17:47.569
possibly in both cases even better.

0:17:47.569,0:17:49.448
Thank you.

0:17:49.448,0:17:53.448
(Applause)