Lentelefilm
The magical adventures of Mister Bilbo Bagins, the Hobbit
Through wild land, black forest, for misty mountains.
There and back again.
The fairy tale
of John Ronald Reuel Tolkien: "Hobbit"
Translation : N.Rachmanovoy
There once lived
In his hole in the ground
A Hobbit
Not in a damp dirty hole
This hole was for Hobbits
There are no magical things about Hobbits
There dress in bright clothing, and don't wear shoes, as they naturally grow warm furry soles on their feet
They have good natured faces, and they often laugh, especially after lunch
And they lunch twice a day, if they can afford the luxury
Our Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, was certain that he would never encounter adventure in his life
And that he would not permit the unexpected to occur to him
But I will tell you a story on how he was pulled into these adventures, the very same ones he was trying to avoid
And to his great surprise, he was commiting the very same adventuerous acts that he was trying so hard to avoid
On a quiet, early morning
A long time ago, when the world was more rich and green
Bilbo Baggins, after breakfeast, sat on his doorstep and smoked his wooden pipe
Good morning
What are you trying to imply?
Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is morning to be good on?
The first, the second, and the third
And a very very morning to be outdoors and breath the fresh air
Please sit down and join me, we have nowhere to rush to, and the whole day is before us
>> Gandalf: Very pretty!
But I have no time today.
I am looking for someone to share in an adventure
that I am arranging, and it's very difficult to find anyone.
>> Bilbo Baggins: I should think so - in these parts!
We are Hobbits!
We are a simple, quiet and peaceful people, and we don't like adventures
From adventures come only nasty things, and only uneasiness
If you wish to find someone else to partake in your adventures
May I advise you to check over there by the lake, or over there over the hills
Good morning!
Oh, the many meanings one encounters upon hearing the phrase "Good Morning"
That only could that it is time for me to leave!
>> Bilbo Baggins: Not at all, not at all, my dear sir! Regrettably I do not even know your name
Oh but you do know if it, dear sir!
And I know yours, Mister Bilbo Baggins
And you do know my name,
though you don't remember that I belong to it.
I am Gandalf.
and Gandalf means me!
>>Bilbo Baggins: How? You are Gandalf?
Who would've known, eh?
Could it really be, that you are the very Gandalf the travelling magician
Who is credited to sending off countless young boys and girls on adventures, whom all dissapeared in locations unbeknownst to anyone?
Well... I am truly sorry
I did not consider that you may still be in buisness
And what else is there for me to do?
My mother, Belladona, she talked much of you and your adventures with Goblins, Giants, Princesses...
Well, I must say it is pleasant that you do in fact remember some details of me
This means that you are not completely useless
And for the sake of your mother, I'll grant you that which you have asked of me
Forgive me sir, but I have not asked you of any favours
No, this is already the second time you have asked for my departure
I'll be on my way
Ah, thank you
And go elsewhere
I will certainly send you on my little adventure
It will entertain me, and for you, it will be put you to good use
Thank you, Mister Gandalf
But I truly do not feel like going
I am sorry, but perhaps... another time
Don't misunderstand, you are of course welcome here at any time, say tomorrow
Drink a cup of tea
But regretfully not today, I am sorry
Bilbo darted for his hole, to ease himself from such a outlandish conversation
And immediately set on regaining his sanity with a few pastries and a glass of something warm
On another day, right as Bilbo was enjoying some tea
Someone disturbed his peace, loudly rining the doorbell
Dwalin, at your service, greetings
How do you do... Bilbo Baggins, at yours
I uh... was right about to drink my tea at this very moment, care to join my table?
Please, enter
I see we have begun to arrive already
Balin, at your service. Bilbo Baggins, at yours
Would you like to have some tea? A glass of kvass would suit me better,
if only you have any. But I don't mind some raisin cakes, if it's not too much trouble.
Not at all!
Excuse me
Kili, at your service. And Fili, too.
Bilbo Baggins, at yours
Dwalin and Balin here already, I see. Yes. Please...
Let's join the whole caboodle!
I'm very glad...
Someone else is coming
There are many who go with the bell.
Please take a seat
It is not like you, Bilbo, to keep friends waiting on the mat. Let me introduce Bifur,
And pay attention to Thorin
Now we are all here! I hope there is something left for the late-comers to eat and drink!
Of course! What's that? --Tea
Tea? No thank you! A mug of ale, I think, for me
And gooseberry jam and apple-tart would be good
Mince-pies! Cabbage pies!
More cakes! And pudding! A cup of coffee! Two coffees!
And just bring out the cold chicken! Pickles!
God damn those dwarves... Okay, okay
Chicken! Pickles!
In just a half-hour all the Mr. Bilbo's food reserves had been consumed
and the merry bunch lent their 26 hands to the hobbit to wash the dishes.
Smash the plates!
Smash the crocks!
Blunt the forks and bend the knives!
Smash the bottles against the floor! Burn the napkins!
An order at your command!
Tear apart the cloth, dear guests,
Splash the fat upon the chairs!
Throw the bones and crusts on the floor,
Smear the valuable parquet with mustard!
Put glasses and cups in a boiling bowl
Stir'em up with an iron bar!
Put them out, dry them, and dump them all!
Who's sitting around still?
Adress yourself to the fragile crocks
Meanwhile it became evening. The stars were out in a dark sky above the trees.
They sat around the chimney and were smoking their pipes
Gandalf, dwarves and Mr. Baggins! We have come together in the house of our friend and fellow conspirator
the most excellent and audacious hobbit to discuss our plans.
Our object is, I take it, well known to us all. But perhaps to Mr. Baggins, may the hair on his toes never fall out
and to some of the younger dwarves (I should be right in naming Kili and Fili), the situation at the moment may require some explanation
So I explain. Very soon, before the break of day we will start on a long way, a dangerous journey
from which many of us, or perhaps all of us, except our friend and counsellor, the ingenious wizard Gandalf
I repeat, perhaps all of us, may never return
Excitable little fellow Gets queer fits
But he is one of the best, as fierce as a dragon in a pinch.
Will he do, do you think?
It is all very well for Gandalf to talk about this hobbit being fierce
I think he swooned from like fright!
In fact, if it had not been for the magic sign on the door, I should have been sure we had come to the wrong house.
Right after I saw him I had my doubts
He looks more like a grocer than a burglar!
Hush!
A grocer? --A grocer. A grocer?!
I will show you. I will show you what I can do. A grocer!
As soon as I saw your funny faces I was quite sure you have come to the wrong house
But treat it as the right one
A grocer!
Tell me what you want done, and I will do what I can, whom ever I have to fight.
I don't pretend to understand what you are talking about
Especially your last reference to burglars
That's right. I have chosen Mr. Baggins and that ought to be enough for all of you
If I say he is a Burglar, a Burglar he is, or will be when the time comes
Mind you that you cannot get into the Mountain's secret passage without burglary
There is a lot more in Mr. Baggings than you think, and a deal more than he has any idea of himself
You may yet to thank me yet, of course if you survive
Brace yourself, Baggins. It is time to discuss our journey
This is the map of the Old Thror, your grandfather, Thorin
He was King under the Mountain
In those days, Dwarves owned all the treasures of the Mountain
and had peace and friendship with denizens of the Lake City.
But a fearsome and cruel dragon called Smaug
has burned down all the neighborhood.
He took all the Dwarves' wealth for himself, and has been living there since then, sowing the fear
and taking the heavy contribution from the Lake City.
But we Dwarves have never forgotten our stolen treasures.
Especially the diamond named Arkenstone.
Oh Arkenstone!
The Heart of the Mountain! And we still mean to get them back
and to bring our curses home to Smaug — if we can.
Let us be on the road!
And they began to sing a mysterious song of the Dwarves, which were accompanying them throughout their entire journey.
And the hobbit wished to to see the great mountains, to hear the pine trees and waterfalls,
to explore the caves, to wear a sword instead of walking stick.
Yet he said to himself: "Don't be a fool, Bilbo, thinking of dragons and all that outlandish nonsense at your age!"
But the taste for adventure overtook the poor hobbit, Mr. Bilbo Baggins.
Far over the misty mountains cold To dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away ere break of day To seek the pale enchanted gold.
The dwarves of yore made mighty spells, While hammers fell like ringing bells
In places deep, where dark things sleep, In hollow halls beneath the fells.
The bells were ringing in the dale And men looked up with faces pale;
The dragon's ire more fierce than fire Laid low their towers and houses frail.
The mountain smoked beneath the moon; The dwarves, they heard the tramp of doom.
They fled their hall to dying-fall Beneath his feet, beneath the moon.
Far over the misty mountains grim To dungeons deep and caverns dim
We must away, ere break of day, To win our harps and gold from him!
Long days and many miles had they left behind.
It was a hard path and a dangerous, long path.
One day, they were high up in a narrow place, with a dreadful fall at one side of them.
They met a thunderstorm. You know how terrific are thunder and lightning in the mountains at night
when storms come up from East and West and make war.
It's very dangerous to be here.
If we don't get blown off or drowned, we could be picked up by some giant and kicked sky-high for a football.
— Well, if you know of anywhere better, take us there!
— We need the send someone to look for a better shelter
— I'm very tired! — And I'm afraid to fall down in the chasm!
— We need to send the youngest of us. — That's fair.
— Yeah right. Those are always us.
— Why did we took a hobbit with us? That is his duty, let him do scouting.
— I'm rather new to mountains
— Enough bickering already! Fili and Kili, go while we aren't stricken by lightning still.
— There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. Go, go!
You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.
So it proved on this occasion. That is the dangerous part about caves: you don't know what is waiting for you inside.
The whole company fell asleep while enjoying the warmth.