1 00:00:00,681 --> 00:00:03,969 Leo niko hapa kuongea kuhusu swala nyeti, 2 00:00:03,969 --> 00:00:07,667 ambalo lina jibu tatanishi. 3 00:00:07,667 --> 00:00:11,269 Swala langu ni zile siri za ugomvi nyumbani, 4 00:00:11,269 --> 00:00:13,603 na swali nitakalokabiliana nalo 5 00:00:13,603 --> 00:00:17,684 ni lile swali moja kila mmoja huliuliza kila mara: 6 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,296 Kwa nini muathirika hubakia? 7 00:00:19,296 --> 00:00:23,292 Kwa nini mtu yeyote abaki na mume ampigaye? 8 00:00:23,292 --> 00:00:26,269 Mie si daktari wa akili, mfanyakazi wa ustawi wa jamii 9 00:00:26,269 --> 00:00:28,604 au mtaalam wa ugomvi wa nyumbani. 10 00:00:28,604 --> 00:00:31,803 Mimi ni mwanamke mwenye hadithi ya kusimulia. 11 00:00:31,803 --> 00:00:36,316 Nilikuwa na umri wa miaka ishirini na miwili. Nilikuwa nimehitimu tu kutoka chuo cha Harvard. 12 00:00:36,316 --> 00:00:38,788 Nilikuwa nimehamia mjini New York kwa ajili ya kazi yangu ya kwanza 13 00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:42,084 kama mwandishi na mhariri wa gazeti la Seventeen. 14 00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:44,324 Nilikuwa na nyumba yangu ya kwanza, 15 00:00:44,324 --> 00:00:47,524 kadi yangu ya kwanza ya American Express, 16 00:00:47,524 --> 00:00:50,552 na nilikuwa na siri moja kubwa sana. 17 00:00:50,552 --> 00:00:54,251 Siri yangu ilikuwa kwamba kulikuwa na bunduki 18 00:00:54,251 --> 00:00:57,689 iliyojaa risasi iliyoelekezwa kichwani mwangu 19 00:00:57,689 --> 00:01:00,252 na mwanamme niliyefikiria alikuwa mpenzi wangu, 20 00:01:00,252 --> 00:01:03,737 mara kadhaa. 21 00:01:03,737 --> 00:01:07,297 Mwanamme huyu niliyempenda kuliko yeyote duniani 22 00:01:07,297 --> 00:01:11,376 alielekeza bunduki kichwani mwangu na kutishia kuniua 23 00:01:11,376 --> 00:01:14,561 mara nyingi kuliko zile ningeweza kukumbuka. 24 00:01:14,561 --> 00:01:17,304 Niko hapa kuwapa hadithi ya upendo wa kupindukia, 25 00:01:17,304 --> 00:01:20,488 mtego wa kisaikolojia uliofichwa kama mapenzi, 26 00:01:20,488 --> 00:01:23,340 ambao mamilioni ya wanawake na hata wanaume wengine 27 00:01:23,340 --> 00:01:25,721 hutumbukia kila mwaka. 28 00:01:25,721 --> 00:01:28,470 Inaweza hata kuwa hadithi yako. 29 00:01:28,470 --> 00:01:31,513 Sionekani kama mtu niliyenusurika na ugomvi katika mahusiano. 30 00:01:31,513 --> 00:01:33,819 Nina shahada ya sanaa katika Kiigereza kutoka chuo cha Harvard, 31 00:01:33,819 --> 00:01:36,181 na shahada ya juu katika mauzo kutoka kwa chuo cha biashara cha Wharton. 32 00:01:36,181 --> 00:01:39,473 Nimetumia muda mrefu maishani nikifanya kazi kwenye kampuni bora duniani 33 00:01:39,473 --> 00:01:43,745 zikiwemo Johnson & Johnson, Leo Burnett na The Washington Post. 34 00:01:43,745 --> 00:01:47,541 Nimeolewa takriban miaka ishirini kwa mme wangu wa pili 35 00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:50,330 na tuna wana watatu pamoja 36 00:01:50,330 --> 00:01:54,559 Mbwa wangu ni mweusi, na mie huendesha gari ndogo la Honda Odyssey. 37 00:01:54,559 --> 00:01:57,039 (Kicheko) 38 00:01:57,039 --> 00:01:59,758 Kwa hivyo ujumbe wangu wa kwanza kwenu ni kwamba ugomvi wa nyumbani 39 00:01:59,758 --> 00:02:02,126 humtokea yeyote-- 40 00:02:02,126 --> 00:02:06,302 kila jamii,dini, kila kipato na ngazi ya kimasomo. 41 00:02:06,302 --> 00:02:08,241 Iko kila mahali. 42 00:02:08,241 --> 00:02:10,761 Na ujumbe wangu wa pili ni kwamba kila mtu hufikiri 43 00:02:10,761 --> 00:02:12,879 ugomvi wa nyumbani huwaathiri wanawake, 44 00:02:12,879 --> 00:02:15,147 ati ni swala la wanawake. 45 00:02:15,147 --> 00:02:17,366 Si sahihi. 46 00:02:17,366 --> 00:02:21,478 Zaidi ya asili mia 85 ya wanyanyasaji ni wanaume, na ugomvi wa nyumbani 47 00:02:21,478 --> 00:02:27,396 hutokea haswa katika mahusiano ya undani, ya kutegemeana na yale ya muda mrefu, 48 00:02:27,396 --> 00:02:29,565 yaani, katika familia, 49 00:02:29,565 --> 00:02:33,430 mahali tusipotaka au kutarajia kupata ugomvi, 50 00:02:33,430 --> 00:02:37,708 ndio sababu tuhuma za kinyumbani ni tatanishi hivi. 51 00:02:37,708 --> 00:02:41,259 Ningekuambia kwamba ningekuwa mtu wa mwisho duniani 52 00:02:41,259 --> 00:02:43,831 kukaa na mwanaume anayenipiga, 53 00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:47,238 lakini kusema kweli nilikuwa mwathirika kwa sababu ya umri wangu. 54 00:02:47,238 --> 00:02:50,523 Nilikuwa mwenye umri wa miaka ishirini na mbili na Marekani, 55 00:02:50,523 --> 00:02:54,372 wanawake wenye umri kati ya miaka kumi na sita hadi ishirini na nne wana uwezekano wa mara tatu zaidi 56 00:02:54,372 --> 00:02:57,133 kuwa waathirika wa ugomvi wa nyumbani 57 00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:59,948 ikilinganishwa na wanawake wa umri mwingine, 58 00:02:59,948 --> 00:03:03,251 vilevile zaidi ya wanawake mia tano na wasichana wa umri huu 59 00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:06,822 huuawa kila mwaka na wapenzi wanyanyasaji, 60 00:03:06,822 --> 00:03:11,455 wapenzi, na waume zao Marekani. 61 00:03:11,455 --> 00:03:14,515 Nilikuwa muathirika kwa sababu sikujua chochote 62 00:03:14,515 --> 00:03:19,100 kuhusu ugomvi wa nyumbani, maonyo yake ama mifano yake. 63 00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:24,165 Nilikutana na Conor usiku mmoja wenye baridi na mvua, mwezi wa Januari. 64 00:03:24,165 --> 00:03:27,128 Alikaa kando yangu kwenye treni katika mji wa New York, 65 00:03:27,128 --> 00:03:29,267 na alianza kuniongelesha. 66 00:03:29,267 --> 00:03:31,135 Aliniambia mambo mawili. 67 00:03:31,135 --> 00:03:34,937 La kwanza kuwa, yeye pia, alikuwa amehitimu kutoka kwa kati ya zile shule bora zaidi Marekani, 68 00:03:34,937 --> 00:03:39,292 na kwamba alifanya kazi kwenye benki moja ya kuvutia sana huko Wall Street. 69 00:03:39,292 --> 00:03:42,952 Lakini kile kilichonivutia zaidi siku hiyo 70 00:03:42,952 --> 00:03:46,240 ni kuwa alikuwa mwerevu na mcheshi 71 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:47,640 na alionekana kuwa kijana wa mashambani. 72 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,987 Alikuwa na haya mashavu makubwa, haya mashavu makubwa ya waridi 73 00:03:49,987 --> 00:03:51,672 na hii nywele za rangi kama ya ngano, 74 00:03:51,672 --> 00:03:54,959 na alionekana kuwa mwema sana. 75 00:03:54,959 --> 00:03:58,743 Jambo moja la busara Conor alilofanya, kutoka mwanzoni, 76 00:03:58,743 --> 00:04:04,317 lilikuwa kufanya kana kwamba nilikuwa mwenye ushawishi mkubwa katika huo uhusiano. 77 00:04:04,317 --> 00:04:06,518 Alifanya hivi haswa hapo mwanzo 78 00:04:06,518 --> 00:04:09,384 kwa kunihusudu. 79 00:04:09,384 --> 00:04:12,670 Tukaanza kutoka pamoja, na alipenda kila kitu kunihusu, 80 00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:14,354 ati nilikuwa mwerevu, ati nilisomea chuo cha Harvard, 81 00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:17,384 ati nilikuwa mwenye shauku kusaidia wasichana wadogo, na kazi yangu. 82 00:04:17,384 --> 00:04:19,915 Alitaka kujua kila kitu kuhusu familia yangu 83 00:04:19,915 --> 00:04:22,531 na utoto wangu na matarajio na ndoto zangu. 84 00:04:22,531 --> 00:04:26,165 Conor alikuwa na imani nami, kama mwandishi na mwanamke, 85 00:04:26,165 --> 00:04:29,844 kwa njia ambayo yeyote mwengine alikuwa hajawahi. 86 00:04:29,844 --> 00:04:34,169 Na alileta uaminifu kati yetu 87 00:04:34,169 --> 00:04:36,689 kwa kunieleza siri yake, 88 00:04:36,689 --> 00:04:41,169 ambayo ilikuwa, alipokuwa mvulana mdogo sana akiwa na umri wa miaka minne 89 00:04:41,169 --> 00:04:44,080 alipigwa vibaya sana mara kwa mara 90 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,766 na babake wa kambo, 91 00:04:45,766 --> 00:04:49,706 na unyanyasaji ulizidi kuwa mbaya zaidi hadi ikambidi aache shule akiwa daraja la nane, 92 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:52,325 ingawa alikuwa mwerevu sana, 93 00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:55,581 na kwamba alitumia takriban miaka ishirini kujenga maisha yake upya. 94 00:04:55,581 --> 00:04:58,737 Ndiyo sababu hiyo shahada yake kutoka zile shule bora zaidi Marekani, 95 00:04:58,737 --> 00:05:01,550 na kazi yake Wall Street na maisha yake mazuri siku za usoni 96 00:05:01,550 --> 00:05:04,121 zilikuwa za umuhimu mkubwa sana kwake. 97 00:05:04,121 --> 00:05:06,265 Kama ungeniuliza 98 00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:11,629 kama huyu mwanamme mwerevu, mcheshi na mwenye kujali aliyenipenda sana 99 00:05:11,629 --> 00:05:16,012 angekuja kuniamulia kama ningejipamba au la, 100 00:05:16,012 --> 00:05:18,062 ufupi wa sketi zangu, 101 00:05:18,062 --> 00:05:19,992 mahali ningeishi, kazi gani ningefanya, 102 00:05:19,992 --> 00:05:23,356 marafiki zangu wangekuwa wepi na pale ningekulia Krisimasi 103 00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:25,304 ningekucheka, 104 00:05:25,304 --> 00:05:28,352 kwa sababu hakukuwa na ushahidi wowote wa tuhuma au uthibiti 105 00:05:28,352 --> 00:05:31,836 au hasira kutoka kwa Conor hapo mwanzoni. 106 00:05:31,836 --> 00:05:34,961 Sikujua kwamba daraja la kwanza 107 00:05:34,961 --> 00:05:37,336 katika uhusiano wowote wenye ugomvi 108 00:05:37,336 --> 00:05:40,988 ni kumvuta na kumpumbaza mwathirika 109 00:05:40,988 --> 00:05:45,748 Pia sikujua kuwa daraja ya pili ni kumtenga mwathirika. 110 00:05:45,748 --> 00:05:49,902 Conor hakuja nyumbani siku moja na kutangaza, 111 00:05:49,902 --> 00:05:53,036 "Unajua huu uhusiano wetu kama wa Romeo na Julieti umekuwa mtamu, 112 00:05:53,036 --> 00:05:55,041 lakini nataka kwenda katika hatua inayofuata 113 00:05:55,041 --> 00:05:59,220 ambapo nitakutenga na kukunyanyasa" - (Kicheko) - 114 00:05:59,220 --> 00:06:00,575 "kwa hivyo nataka kukuhamisha kutoka nyumba hii 115 00:06:00,575 --> 00:06:02,216 ambapo majirani wanawezakusikia ukipiga mayowe 116 00:06:02,216 --> 00:06:04,689 na kukupeleka nje ya mji huu ambapo una marafiki na familia 117 00:06:04,689 --> 00:06:07,995 na wafanyakazi wenzako wanaoweza kuona hiyo michubuko." 118 00:06:07,995 --> 00:06:12,216 Badala yake, Conor alikuja nyumbani jioni ya Ijumaa moja 119 00:06:12,216 --> 00:06:14,947 na akaniambia kuwa alikuwa ameacha kazi siku hiyo, 120 00:06:14,947 --> 00:06:17,412 kazi ya ndoto zake, 121 00:06:17,412 --> 00:06:21,553 na akasema kwamba alikuwa ameacha kazi hiyo kwa sababu yangu, 122 00:06:21,553 --> 00:06:24,731 kwa sababu nilimfanya ahisi usalama na kupendwa 123 00:06:24,731 --> 00:06:27,854 ati hakuhitaji tena kujithibitisha huko Wall Street, 124 00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:30,369 na alitaka tu kutoka mjini 125 00:06:30,369 --> 00:06:33,347 na kukaa mbali na familia yake iliyomnyanyasa. 126 00:06:33,347 --> 00:06:36,469 na kuhamia mji mdogo wa New England 127 00:06:36,469 --> 00:06:40,042 ambapo angeweza kuanza upya maisha yake nikiwa kando yake. 128 00:06:40,042 --> 00:06:43,908 Sikutaka kamwe kuhama kutoka New York, 129 00:06:43,908 --> 00:06:47,515 na kuacha kazi ya ndoto zangu, 130 00:06:47,515 --> 00:06:50,098 lakini nilifikiria mtu hujitoa muhanga kwa mpenzi wake, 131 00:06:50,098 --> 00:06:53,562 kwa hivyo nikakubali na nikaacha kazi yangu, 132 00:06:53,562 --> 00:06:56,193 na Conor na mimi tukaondoka Manhattan pamoja. 133 00:06:56,193 --> 00:07:00,559 Sikuwai kufikiria kwamba penzi nililokuwa nalo halikuwa la kawaida, 134 00:07:00,559 --> 00:07:04,191 na kwamba nilikuwa nikitembea bila habari ndani ya 135 00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:09,171 mtego mzuri wa kimwili, kifedha na kiakili 136 00:07:09,171 --> 00:07:11,491 Daraja ya pili katika ugomvi wa kimahusiano 137 00:07:11,491 --> 00:07:15,773 ni kuleta tishio la vurugu 138 00:07:15,773 --> 00:07:17,972 na kuangalia vile linavyomgusa. 139 00:07:17,972 --> 00:07:20,681 Na hapa ndipo bunduki zinapoingia. 140 00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:23,599 Muda tu tulipohamia New England--unajua, 141 00:07:23,599 --> 00:07:26,337 mahali Connor aliposema pangemfanya ajisikie salama-- 142 00:07:26,337 --> 00:07:28,753 alinunua bunduki tatu. 143 00:07:28,753 --> 00:07:32,193 Aliweka moja garini. 144 00:07:32,193 --> 00:07:34,849 Aliweka moja chini ya mto kitandani mwetu, 145 00:07:34,849 --> 00:07:38,011 na ya tatu alitembea nayo mfukoni nyakati zote. 146 00:07:38,011 --> 00:07:40,329 Na alisema alihitaji bunduki hizo 147 00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:43,125 kwa sababu ya uchungu aliopitia akiwa mchanga. 148 00:07:43,125 --> 00:07:45,609 Alizihitaji kujisikia salama. 149 00:07:45,609 --> 00:07:48,521 Lakini bunduki hizo zilikuwa ujumbe kwangu, 150 00:07:48,521 --> 00:07:51,215 na ingawa hakuwai kuninyoshea mkono, 151 00:07:51,215 --> 00:07:57,021 maisha yangu tayari yalikuwa hatarini kila dakika ya kila siku. 152 00:07:57,021 --> 00:08:00,594 Kwanza Conor alinishambulia 153 00:08:00,594 --> 00:08:03,419 siku tano kabla ya harusi yetu. 154 00:08:03,419 --> 00:08:07,611 Ilikuwa saa moja asubuhi na bado nilikuwa nimevalia vazi la kulala 155 00:08:07,611 --> 00:08:11,851 Nilikuwa nafanya kazi kweny kompyuta yangu nikijaribu kumaliza kazi fulani ya uandishi, 156 00:08:11,851 --> 00:08:13,665 na nilikuwa nimekasirika, 157 00:08:13,665 --> 00:08:16,752 na Conor akatumia hasira zangu kama kisingizio 158 00:08:16,752 --> 00:08:19,903 kunikaba koo 159 00:08:19,903 --> 00:08:23,723 na kuikaza hadi sikuweza kupumua au kupiga kelele, 160 00:08:23,723 --> 00:08:25,547 na alitumia mkazo huo 161 00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:29,973 kugonga kichwa changu mara kadhaa kwenye ukuta. 162 00:08:29,973 --> 00:08:35,291 Siku tano baadaye, ile michubuko kumi shingoni mwangu ilipotea 163 00:08:35,291 --> 00:08:37,766 na nikavaa nguo ya mama yangu ya harusi, 164 00:08:37,766 --> 00:08:40,083 na nikafunga ndoa naye. 165 00:08:40,083 --> 00:08:42,364 Licha ya yaliyotokea, 166 00:08:42,364 --> 00:08:45,883 nilikuwa na hakika tungeishi maisha ya raha milele, 167 00:08:45,883 --> 00:08:49,964 kwa sababu nilimpenda, na alinipenda sana. 168 00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:53,336 Na aliniomba msamaha. 169 00:08:53,336 --> 00:08:56,509 Alikuwa amechoshwa sana na mipango ya harusi yetu 170 00:08:56,509 --> 00:08:58,706 na kwa kuwa kitu kimoja na mimi. 171 00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,427 Halikuwa jambo la kawaida 172 00:09:00,427 --> 00:09:04,023 na asingeniumiza tena. 173 00:09:04,023 --> 00:09:06,603 Ilitokea mara mbili katika fungate. 174 00:09:06,603 --> 00:09:09,690 Mara ya kwanza, nilikuwa naendesha gari kutafuta ufukwe wa siri 175 00:09:09,690 --> 00:09:12,392 na nikapotea, 176 00:09:12,392 --> 00:09:15,362 na akanipiga ngumi nzito kwenye upande wa kichwa changu 177 00:09:15,362 --> 00:09:17,506 hata ule upande mwengine wa kichwa changu ukagonga 178 00:09:17,506 --> 00:09:19,913 dirisha lililo kando ya dereva mara kadhaa. 179 00:09:19,913 --> 00:09:23,279 Alafu tena siku chache baadaye, tukielekea nyumbani baada ya likizo ya harusi, 180 00:09:23,279 --> 00:09:25,562 alikasirishwa na trafiki, 181 00:09:25,562 --> 00:09:28,994 na akarusha Big Mac baridi usoni mwangu. 182 00:09:28,994 --> 00:09:31,602 Conor aliendelea kunipiga mara moja au mbili kwa wiki 183 00:09:31,602 --> 00:09:35,019 kwa miaka miwili na nusu ya ndoa yetu. 184 00:09:35,019 --> 00:09:38,144 Nilifanya makosa kufikiria nilikuwa wa kipekee 185 00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:40,787 na peke yangu katika hali hii. 186 00:09:40,787 --> 00:09:42,978 Mmoja kati ya wanawake watatu wakiAmerika 187 00:09:42,978 --> 00:09:47,130 hupitia ugomvi wa nyumbani ama kufuatwa fuatwa wakati mmoja maishani mwake, 188 00:09:47,130 --> 00:09:50,771 na CDC inaripoti kwamba watoto milioni kumi na tano 189 00:09:50,771 --> 00:09:54,181 wananyanyaswa kila mwaka, milioni kumi na tano. 190 00:09:54,181 --> 00:09:58,554 Hivyo basi, nilikuwa kwenye ushirika mzuri sana. 191 00:09:58,554 --> 00:10:00,970 Kurudia swali langu: 192 00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:03,465 Kwa nini nilibaki? 193 00:10:03,465 --> 00:10:06,203 Jibu lenyewe ni rahisi. 194 00:10:06,203 --> 00:10:08,891 Sikujua alikuwa akininyanyasa. 195 00:10:08,891 --> 00:10:12,739 Hata ingawa alielekeza bunduki zilizo na risasi kichwani mwangu, 196 00:10:12,739 --> 00:10:14,962 akanisukuma ngazini, 197 00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:16,343 akatishia kuua mbwa wetu, 198 00:10:16,343 --> 00:10:20,266 akatoa ufunguo wa gari nikiendesha barabarani, 199 00:10:20,266 --> 00:10:22,783 akamwaga maganda ya kahawa kichwani mwangu 200 00:10:22,783 --> 00:10:25,099 nikijitayarisha kwa mahojiano ya kazi, 201 00:10:25,099 --> 00:10:29,469 SIkuwai hata mara moja kujihisi kuwa mke anayenyanyaswa. 202 00:10:29,469 --> 00:10:33,046 Badala yake, nilikuwa mwanamke mwenye nguvu 203 00:10:33,046 --> 00:10:35,298 alimpenda sana mwanaume aliyekuwa na shida, 204 00:10:35,298 --> 00:10:37,355 na nilikuwa mtu wa pekee duniani 205 00:10:37,355 --> 00:10:40,795 ambaye angeweza kumsaidia Conor kukabiliana na mashetani yake. 206 00:10:40,795 --> 00:10:44,506 Swali lingine kila mtu huuliza ni, 207 00:10:44,506 --> 00:10:46,923 kwa nini hatoki tu? 208 00:10:46,923 --> 00:10:50,874 Kwa nini sikuondoka? Ningeweza kuondoka wakati wowote. 209 00:10:50,874 --> 00:10:55,586 Kwangu mimi, hili ndilo swali chungu na la kuhuzunisha zaidi ambalo watu huniuliza, 210 00:10:55,586 --> 00:10:58,677 kwa sababu sisi waathiriwa tunajua jambo nyinyi msilojua: 211 00:10:58,677 --> 00:11:03,070 Ni jambo la hatari sana kumtoroka mnyanyasaji. 212 00:11:03,070 --> 00:11:06,389 Kwa sababu daraja ya mwisho katika tuhuma za kinyumbani 213 00:11:06,389 --> 00:11:09,284 ni kumuua. 214 00:11:09,284 --> 00:11:11,825 Zaidi ya asilimia sabini ya vifo vinavyosababishwa na tuhuma za kinyumbani 215 00:11:11,825 --> 00:11:15,893 hutokea baada ya mwathiriwa kukatiza uhusiano huo, 216 00:11:15,893 --> 00:11:17,786 baada ya kutoka, 217 00:11:17,786 --> 00:11:21,037 kwa sababu wakati huo mnyanyasaji hana chochote cha kupoteza. 218 00:11:21,037 --> 00:11:24,128 Matokeo mengine ni pamoja na kufuatwa fuatwa, 219 00:11:24,128 --> 00:11:27,080 hata baada ya mnyanyasaji kuoa tena; 220 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,235 unyimaji wa hela; 221 00:11:29,235 --> 00:11:31,624 na uingiliaji wa mfumo wa mahakama za kifamilia 222 00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:34,447 ili kumtia wasiwasi mwathirika na wanawe, 223 00:11:34,447 --> 00:11:39,373 ambao mara kwa mara hushurutishwa na majaji wa mahakama za kifamilia 224 00:11:39,373 --> 00:11:41,342 kuwa na wakati usiosimamiwa 225 00:11:41,342 --> 00:11:45,013 pamoja na mtu yule aliyemtuhumu mama yao. 226 00:11:45,013 --> 00:11:49,188 Na bado twauliza, kwa nini hamtoroki tu? 227 00:11:49,188 --> 00:11:50,942 Niliweza kuondoka, 228 00:11:50,942 --> 00:11:53,844 kwa sababu ya kipigo kibaya cha mwisho 229 00:11:53,844 --> 00:11:57,003 kilichofumbua macho yangu. 230 00:11:57,003 --> 00:12:00,173 Nilitambua kwamba mtu yule niliyempenda sana 231 00:12:00,173 --> 00:12:03,083 angekuja kuniua kama ningeendelea kumuacha hivi hivi tu. 232 00:12:03,083 --> 00:12:05,598 Hivyo nikavunja ukimya. 233 00:12:05,598 --> 00:12:08,428 Nikawaeleza watu wote: 234 00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:12,213 polisi, jirani zangu, 235 00:12:12,213 --> 00:12:16,053 marafiki zangu na familia, wageni, 236 00:12:16,053 --> 00:12:22,907 na niko hapa leo kwa sababu nyote mlinisaidia. 237 00:12:22,907 --> 00:12:25,445 Tuna tabia ya kuwabagua waathirika 238 00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:28,507 kama vichwa vibaya vya habari, 239 00:12:28,507 --> 00:12:31,803 wanaojitakia maovu, watu walioharibika. 240 00:12:31,803 --> 00:12:34,806 Swali hilo, "Kwa nini haondoki?" 241 00:12:34,806 --> 00:12:40,442 kwa wengine ni kama kusema, "Ni makosa yake kuendela kukaa hapo," 242 00:12:40,442 --> 00:12:43,766 kana kwamba waathirika huchagua kusudi kupenda wanaume 243 00:12:43,766 --> 00:12:46,398 walio na lengo la kutumaliza. 244 00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:48,902 Lakini tangu niandike kitabu "Crazy Love," 245 00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:52,425 nimesikia mamia ya hadithi kutoka kwa wanaume na wanawake 246 00:12:52,425 --> 00:12:54,870 ambao pia waliondoka, 247 00:12:54,870 --> 00:12:59,250 waliojifunza somo muhimu la maisha kutokana na yale yaliyotokea, 248 00:12:59,250 --> 00:13:03,463 na waliojenga maisha yao tena--maisha yenye furaha 249 00:13:03,463 --> 00:13:05,797 kama wafanyakazi, wake na kina mama, 250 00:13:05,797 --> 00:13:10,478 maisha yasiyo na unyanyasaji, kama yangu. 251 00:13:10,478 --> 00:13:14,509 Kwa sababu inaonekana kwamba mimi nilikuwa mwathirika halisi wa unyanyasaji majumbani. 252 00:13:14,509 --> 00:13:17,953 na msalimika wa unyanyasaji wa majumbani. 253 00:13:17,953 --> 00:13:21,978 Niliolewa na mtu mwema na mpole, 254 00:13:21,978 --> 00:13:24,314 na pamoja tuna watoto watatu. 255 00:13:24,314 --> 00:13:27,715 Nina yule mbwa wangu mweusi, na nina lile gari ndogo. 256 00:13:27,715 --> 00:13:31,181 Kile sitawahi kuwa nacho tena, 257 00:13:31,181 --> 00:13:34,139 milele, 258 00:13:34,139 --> 00:13:36,264 ni bunduki iliyojaa risasi iliyoelekezwa kichwani mwangu 259 00:13:36,264 --> 00:13:39,907 na mtu anayesema eti ananipenda. 260 00:13:39,907 --> 00:13:42,538 Wakati huu, labda unafikiria, 261 00:13:42,538 --> 00:13:44,445 "Hili ni jambo la kushangaza," 262 00:13:44,445 --> 00:13:47,573 ama, "Kwa nini alikuwa mjinga hivi," 263 00:13:47,573 --> 00:13:53,576 lakini muda huu wote, nimekuwa haswa nikiongea juu yako. 264 00:13:53,576 --> 00:13:57,093 Nakuhakikishia kuna watu kadhaa 265 00:13:57,093 --> 00:13:58,835 wanaonisikiliza saa hii 266 00:13:58,835 --> 00:14:01,847 ambao wananyanyaswa 267 00:14:01,847 --> 00:14:04,362 au ambao walinyanyaswa wakiwa watoto 268 00:14:04,362 --> 00:14:07,732 au walio wanyanyasaji wenyewe. 269 00:14:07,732 --> 00:14:09,669 unyanyasaji unaweza kuwa unamwathiri binti yako, 270 00:14:09,669 --> 00:14:14,962 dadako, rafiki yako wa karibu wakati huu. 271 00:14:14,962 --> 00:14:18,406 Niliweza kumaliza hadithi yangu wazimu ya mapenzi 272 00:14:18,406 --> 00:14:20,607 kwa kuvunja ukimya. 273 00:14:20,607 --> 00:14:23,122 Bado naendelea kuvunja ukimya leo. 274 00:14:23,122 --> 00:14:26,938 Ni njia yangu ya kusaidia waathirika wengine, 275 00:14:26,938 --> 00:14:30,306 na ni ombi langu la mwisho kwenu. 276 00:14:30,306 --> 00:14:33,138 Ongeeni kuhusu mliyosikia hapa. 277 00:14:33,138 --> 00:14:36,466 Unyanyasaji hushamiri tu katika ukimya. 278 00:14:36,466 --> 00:14:40,169 Una nguvu ya kumaliza unyanyasaji majumbani 279 00:14:40,169 --> 00:14:43,678 kwa kuongea kuhusu unyanyasaji. 280 00:14:43,678 --> 00:14:46,752 Sisi waathirika tunahitaji kila mtu. 281 00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:50,825 Tunawahitaji nyote kuelewa 282 00:14:50,825 --> 00:14:54,603 siri za unyanyasaji majumbani. 283 00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:57,587 Mulikieni mwanga unyanyasaji kwa kuuongelea 284 00:14:57,587 --> 00:14:59,714 mkiwa na watoto wenu, wafanyakazi wenzenu, 285 00:14:59,714 --> 00:15:01,651 marafiki zenu na familia. 286 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:05,097 Ongeleeni waliosalimika kama watu wema na wanaopendeka 287 00:15:05,097 --> 00:15:07,912 walio na maisha kamili kwenye siku za usoni 288 00:15:07,912 --> 00:15:11,393 Eleweni ishara za mapema za tuhuma 289 00:15:11,393 --> 00:15:14,226 na muingilie kati kistadi 290 00:15:14,226 --> 00:15:18,388 malizeni na muonyeshe waathirika njia safi ya kuiepuka. 291 00:15:18,388 --> 00:15:22,383 Pamoja tunaweza kufanya vitanda vyetu, 292 00:15:22,383 --> 00:15:26,000 meza zetu za mlo na familia zetu 293 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,257 mahali pa amani zinavyopaswa kuwa 294 00:15:29,257 --> 00:15:31,229 Asanteni. 295 00:15:31,229 --> 00:15:38,937 (Mahali)