WEBVTT

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[beep]

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[off-camera]
<i>Ace Ventura, The Matrix.</i>

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<i>Are you familiar with the movie?</i>

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[Ace Ventura:]
Yes.

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It's a...

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[grunts]

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[beep]

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[Clint Eastwood:]
What the hell is a matrix?

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[beep]

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[Austin Powers:]
Judo CHOP!

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[beep]

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[Alan Rickman:]
I cannot shooow you the matrix.

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I can only shooow you the dooor.

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Yoou are the one who has to walk
throough it.

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[beep]

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[Russel Brand:]
Ah!

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Woaah

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Woaaah

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Whoaaaah

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Aaaahhh!

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Dodged it!

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Pew!

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Neo!
Free your mind!

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Take this pill, free your mind!

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[beep]

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[Bam Margera:]
Deja vu is u-usually a glitch in the matrix.

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To obtain them, head d-down (?) to Mor-Morpus.

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[off-camera]
<i>Morpheus.</i>

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Wait, am I Morpus or Neo?

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[beep]

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[Bear Grills:]
I'm the one!

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Though I have to make sure
that I get out of this goo

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and learn karate

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[beep]

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[Ben Affleck:]
[muffled] Really...

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[off-camera]
<i>Take 10!</i>

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[phone notification]

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Eh, hold on a second.

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I got a text.

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You guys know Matt Damon?

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- Yeah.
- <i>Yeah?</i>

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Yeah, he stole my script.

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You take the red pill, you stay in maitherland (?)

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<i>Ben, is there something wrong with your jaw?
You're...</i>

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My jaw?

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<i>Yeah, were you at the dentist today or something?
You're kinda...</i>

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Nah, nah, nah

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[beep]

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[Colin Farrell:]
What the heck is a matrix anyways?

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Why do I gotta take these pills?

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Try and free your mind, Neo.

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None of this makes any sense.

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You're telling me there's like another world

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out there

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<i>It's not another world, it's a computer program.</i>

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<i>For your brain.</i>

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<i>For your mind.</i>

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<i>Did you read the script?</i>

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Computer?

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[beep]

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[Jack Sparrow:]
Mr. Anderson...

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We've been looking for you, Mr. Anderson.

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Grrraaarraarrraaa...

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[beep]

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[Jeff Goldblum:]
Oh! Oh! Oh!

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Ah! Mmm. Ah.

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Oh! Oh! Oh!

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Ah! Ah!

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Um, I can, I can move out of the way

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of bullets! Yes. Yes.

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[beep]

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[Joey Tribbiani:]
You wanna take the blue pill?

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Probably gonna end up
doin' whatever you wanna do.

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I don't know.

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You wanna take the red pill,

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you gonna trip out. Trust me.

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It's worth it.

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See that girl in the red dress?

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Go ask how she's doin'.

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[beep]

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[<i>husky</i> breath ;)]

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[Leonardo DiCaprio:]
Phone me.

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Into the dream world -

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out of the dream world.

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It's the matrix.

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There's all these dreams.

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Whohaaa...

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[the rustle of falling paper]

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[beep]

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[Mark Wahlberg:]
The other guys are gonna come get you,

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they're gonna find you,

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and then you're gonna be dead!

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This is so confusing!

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How can I be the one?!

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I'm just a regular old son of a gun!

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I'm a computer hacker!

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How can I be the one?!

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Gosh, this is more confusing than
I Heart Huckabees!

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[beep]

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<i>You can take your hands out
of your pockets if you want to, Ryan.</i>

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[Ryan Gosling:]
No, I'm good.

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Morpheus, you really think I'm the one

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<i>Ryan, do you mind speaking up a little bit?</i>

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<i>We can't quite hear you with that toothpick
in your mouth.</i>

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Morpheus, you really think I'm the one

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[beep]

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[off-camera]
<i>Orlando Blonde for The Matrix.</i>

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[Orlando Bloom:]
Orlando Blonde!?

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I'm Orlando Bloom!

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<i>Like a flower?</i>

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NO!

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NOT LIKE A FLOWER!

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WELL yes.

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<i>Aren't you Johnny Depp's kid?</i>

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Johnny Depp's kid!?

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<i>Yeah.</i>

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I'll have you know
that I starred alongside Johnny Depp in a -

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A LOT OF FILM!

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HE'S NOT MY DAD!

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What are you talking about, father and son!?

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<i>You and Johnny Depp! You and Johnny Depp -</i>

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JOHNNY DEPP IS NOT MY FATHER!

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NO!

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I'M NOT RELATED TO HIM IN ANY WAY!

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What are you trying to tell me!?

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That I can dodge bullets!?

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How can I dodge bullets!?

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That's impossible,
MORPHEUS!

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[Adam Sandler:]
Mommy -

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mommy said that -

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mommy said that you were -

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mommy said that you were the one,

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Neo, so -