[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.70,0:00:22.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Life asks us questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.53,0:00:26.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And probably one of the most important\Nquestions it asks us is,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.80,0:00:32.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What are you going to do\Nabout difficult thoughts and feelings?"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.20,0:00:37.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're feeling ashamed or anxious,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.20,0:00:42.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,life just asked you a question.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.75,0:00:46.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're standing here\Nabout to give a [TEDx] talk
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.52,0:00:48.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and your mind is getting very chattery,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.20,0:00:52.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what are you going to do about that?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.10,0:00:56.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Good question.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.43,0:00:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.30,0:01:01.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the answer to that question
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.50,0:01:03.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and ones like it
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.40,0:01:05.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,say a lot about the trajectories\Nof our lives
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.80,0:01:07.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether or not they're going to unfold
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.67,0:01:09.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a positive way
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.17,0:01:13.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that moves toward, towards prosperity,\Nlove, freedom, contribution,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.24,0:01:16.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or downward, into pathology and despair.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.70,0:01:24.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm here to make the argument\Nthat you have within you
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.10,0:01:27.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a great answer to that question
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.20,0:01:29.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or at least the seed of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.80,0:01:31.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, you also have this arrogant,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.90,0:01:35.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,storytelling, problem solving, analytic,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.40,0:01:40.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,judgmental mind between your ears\Nthat doesn't have the answer
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.80,0:01:43.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and is constantly tempting you
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.50,0:01:46.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into taking the wrong direction.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.50,0:01:51.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My name is Steve Hayes
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.15,0:01:53.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and for the last 30 years,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.30,0:01:55.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I and my colleagues have been studying
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.90,0:01:58.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a small set of psychological processes -
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.50,0:02:01.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fancy words for things people do -
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.50,0:02:05.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,called psychological flexibility.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.60,0:02:10.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a set of answers to that question.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.90,0:02:14.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in more than a thousand studies,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.80,0:02:17.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we've shown\Nthat psychological flexibility
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.65,0:02:20.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,predicts are you going to develop\Na mental health problem
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.40,0:02:22.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,anxiety, depression, trauma?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.30,0:02:24.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you have one it predicts,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.60,0:02:26.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,later on will you have two?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.80,0:02:28.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It predicts how severe they are,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.72,0:02:29.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how chronic they'll be.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.98,0:02:31.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, not just that,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.24,0:02:34.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it predicts all kinds of other things\Nthat are important to us
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.27,0:02:36.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though it's not psychopathology.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.90,0:02:40.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Such as, what kind of parent\Nare you going to be?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.34,0:02:43.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What kind of worker are you going to be?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.31,0:02:46.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you step up to the behavioral\Nchallenges of physical disease?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.91,0:02:49.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you stick to your exercise program?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.70,0:02:52.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everywhere that human minds go,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.50,0:02:57.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,psychological flexibility is relevant.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.90,0:03:03.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what I want to do in this talk
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.27,0:03:05.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to walk you through
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.90,0:03:08.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the science of psychological flexibility,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.10,0:03:09.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we've learned
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.20,0:03:12.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how to change these processes
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.38,0:03:14.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in several hundred studies
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.04,0:03:16.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.90,0:03:18.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or ACT, but not just ACT,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.75,0:03:20.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,related methods that target flexibility
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.90,0:03:22.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we've shown that we can change it
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.86,0:03:24.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when we change it,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.25,0:03:26.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those life trajectories that are negative
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.27,0:03:28.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,go positive\Nwith outcomes in all the areas
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.41,0:03:31.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I just mentioned and many more.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.10,0:03:36.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I want to walk you through
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.20,0:03:40.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what the elements\Nof psychological flexibility are.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.50,0:03:44.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm going to take you back
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.10,0:03:47.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to a moment in my life 34 years ago
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.80,0:03:51.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I first turned powerfully
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.86,0:03:53.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in their direction.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.40,0:03:57.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Decades ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.70,0:04:01.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thirty-four years ago at 2 in the morning
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.20,0:04:03.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on a brown and gold shag carpet
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.00,0:04:07.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with my body almost literally\Nin this posture,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.42,0:04:10.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my mind for sure in this posture.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.20,0:04:14.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had for two to three years
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.40,0:04:17.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,been spiraling down
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.70,0:04:20.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into the hell of panic disorder.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.60,0:04:24.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It began in a horrific department meeting
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.90,0:04:26.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I was forced to watch
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.70,0:04:28.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,full professors fight
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.00,0:04:31.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a way that only wild animals
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.30,0:04:33.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and full professors are capable of.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.70,0:04:36.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.70,0:04:42.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And all I wanted to do\Nwas to beg them to stop,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.60,0:04:47.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but instead I had my first panic attack,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.20,0:04:50.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and by the time they called on me,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.70,0:04:56.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I couldn't even make a sound
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.10,0:04:59.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,come out of my mouth.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.91,0:05:02.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in the shock, and the horror,\Nand embarrassment
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.52,0:05:05.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of that first and public panic attack,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.60,0:05:09.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did all of the logical, reasonable,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.90,0:05:11.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sensible, and pathological things
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.80,0:05:13.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your mind tells you to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.60,0:05:17.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tried to run from anxiety;
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.90,0:05:20.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tried to fight with anxiety;
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.40,0:05:24.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I tried to hide from anxiety.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.60,0:05:26.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I sat next to the door.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.10,0:05:27.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I watched its coming.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.38,0:05:28.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I argued my way out of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.91,0:05:30.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I took the tranquilizers
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.37,0:05:32.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and as I did all those things,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.03,0:05:34.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the panic attacks increased
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.10,0:05:36.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in frequency and in intensity.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.30,0:05:39.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First at work,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.20,0:05:42.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but then while traveling,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.55,0:05:43.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then in restaurants,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.90,0:05:45.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then in movie theaters,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.26,0:05:46.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then in elevators,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.50,0:05:48.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then on phone calls,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.90,0:05:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then in the safety of home,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.90,0:05:55.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and finally even being awakened
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.90,0:05:59.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at two in the morning from a dead sleep
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.20,0:06:01.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,already in a panic attack.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.50,0:06:07.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, this night\Non that brown and gold shag carpet,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.19,0:06:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this night,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.00,0:06:14.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as I watched with anxiety waves,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.00,0:06:18.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my body's sensations
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.10,0:06:19.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was different.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.20,0:06:22.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This night was even more horrifying,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.70,0:06:25.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it was somehow satisfying,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.10,0:06:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I wasn't having a panic attack.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.30,0:06:34.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was dying of a heart attack.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.70,0:06:38.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had all the evidence for it.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.30,0:06:39.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had the weight in the chest.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.90,0:06:42.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had the shooting pains down my arm.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.31,0:06:43.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was sweating profusely.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.80,0:06:46.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My heart was racing\Nand skipping beats wildly.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.00,0:06:49.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that same spider voice that came up
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.70,0:06:51.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and said, "You've got to run.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.80,0:06:55.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You've got to fight.\NYou've got to hide from anxiety,"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.62,0:06:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was now telling me,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.00,0:06:59.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Make the call.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.32,0:07:01.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't drive in this condition.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.00,0:07:03.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're dying.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.70,0:07:05.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Call the emergency room.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.10,0:07:06.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Call the ambulance.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.62,0:07:09.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is not a joke. Make the call."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.20,0:07:13.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet, minute after minute went by
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.50,0:07:16.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I didn't make the call.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.70,0:07:19.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I had a sense of leaving my body
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.80,0:07:22.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and looking back at myself there
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.18,0:07:25.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I imagined what would happen
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.80,0:07:28.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I did make that call.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.15,0:07:30.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like a series of scenes,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.30,0:07:32.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,little snippets like in a movie trailer
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.20,0:07:33.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like when you go to the theater
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.70,0:07:35.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the upcoming film.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.95,0:07:39.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could hear the sound\Nof the emergency responders
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.84,0:07:41.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coming up the stairs,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.31,0:07:43.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the pounding on the thin hollow door,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.80,0:07:46.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the ride in the ambulance,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.10,0:07:48.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the tubes and wires,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.40,0:07:51.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the concerned look\Non the faces of the nurses
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.13,0:07:53.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as I went into the emergency room,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.70,0:07:57.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then finally the last little snippet,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.10,0:07:58.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the last little scene
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.30,0:08:00.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in this movie trailer,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.20,0:08:01.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I suddenly realized
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.60,0:08:03.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what this movie was going to be about.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.77,0:08:07.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I looked at it and I said,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.20,0:08:09.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, please, God, not that.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.10,0:08:11.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Please, please."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.30,0:08:14.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because that final scene,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.91,0:08:17.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lying on the gurney in the emergency room,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.34,0:08:19.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,here came a young doctor
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.20,0:08:20.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in my mind's eye
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.80,0:08:23.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,walking entirely too casually.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.76,0:08:27.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as he got close to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.28,0:08:29.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could see there was a smirk on his face,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.10,0:08:32.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I knew what was coming.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.30,0:08:36.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He got close and he said,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.00,0:08:38.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Dr. Hayes,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.80,0:08:43.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're not having a heart attack,"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.90,0:08:45.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then the smirk broadened,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.30,0:08:49.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You're having a panic attack."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.70,0:08:54.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I knew that was true.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.20,0:08:59.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was just another level down of hell.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.10,0:09:03.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a scream came out of my mouth,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.30,0:09:07.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a weird breathly, strange sounding thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.30,0:09:11.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It sounded just like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.90,0:09:16.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Screams)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.10,0:09:22.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as I bounced off the bottom,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.20,0:09:24.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,another door opened.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.76,0:09:29.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know how long it was,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.20,0:09:31.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it was a few minutes later
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.45,0:09:32.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from a rarely visited,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.76,0:09:34.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but deeply me part of me,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.00,0:09:37.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the part of me that's behind your eyes,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.30,0:09:39.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a more spiritual part,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.42,0:09:41.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from my very soul,\Nif you want to say it that way,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.95,0:09:43.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,words came out.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.21,0:09:44.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm pretty sure.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.31,0:09:45.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said it out loud to no one
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.75,0:09:47.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at two in the morning.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.81,0:09:49.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.60,0:09:52.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I don''t know who you are,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.40,0:09:57.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but apparently, you can make me hurt.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.90,0:09:59.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can make me suffer.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.10,0:10:04.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'll tell you\None thing you cannot do.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:05.30,0:10:10.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't make me turn\Nfrom my own experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.20,0:10:12.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't do it."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.00,0:10:22.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my then much younger body\Nached as it stood up,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.40,0:10:31.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I could tell from the dried\Nand burning tracks of tears on my face
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.00,0:10:34.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I had been there a very long time.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.40,0:10:40.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, I stood up inside a promise.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.60,0:10:44.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Never again.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.62,0:10:48.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will not run from me."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.90,0:10:55.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did not know how to keep that promise.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.00,0:10:57.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To be honest, I'm still learning.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:58.30,0:11:02.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had no idea how to bring that promise
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.50,0:11:05.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into the lives of others.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.00,0:11:09.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would learn that\Nonly in the work that we would do
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.05,0:11:11.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.50,0:11:13.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or ACT, and that was ahead of me.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.40,0:11:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, in those 34 years,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.00,0:11:18.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not a single day has gone by
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.70,0:11:22.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I didn't remember that promise.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.90,0:11:27.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when you stand here like this,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.10,0:11:29.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the way you know already
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.42,0:11:31.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the wiser place to stand
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.90,0:11:33.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with pain and suffering,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.02,0:11:35.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,things start happening.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.58,0:11:37.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can put it into words now
Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.30,0:11:40.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what the science shows,\Nwhat this posture is.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.80,0:11:42.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's emotional openness.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.28,0:11:45.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're going to feel\Nwhat's there to be felt
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.43,0:11:47.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even when it's hard.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.52,0:11:49.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's being able to look at your thoughts,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.53,0:11:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not just from your thoughts.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.00,0:11:52.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, when you're thinking
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.19,0:11:53.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're not just like this,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.53,0:11:55.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so you can't see anything else,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.08,0:11:57.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can notice them out there.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.30,0:11:59.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's connecting with this more spiritual
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.30,0:12:01.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,part of you and from there
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.10,0:12:03.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being able to direct your attention
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.50,0:12:05.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,flexibly, fluidly, voluntarily
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.50,0:12:08.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,towards what's there to be focused on.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:09.10,0:12:11.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when you see something of importance,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.61,0:12:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be able to move towards it
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.00,0:12:14.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with your hands and arms free
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.60,0:12:16.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that you can feel, and do,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.90,0:12:19.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and contribute, and participate.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.00,0:12:22.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's psychological flexibility.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:25.60,0:12:28.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it builds on what that seed is
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.10,0:12:30.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you know because if you put this
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.20,0:12:34.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into a word, I think you can see\Nwhy this would be the word,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.67,0:12:37.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the single word I would say is, "Love."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.50,0:12:40.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you stand with yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.10,0:12:43.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a self-compassionate, kind, loving way,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.52,0:12:48.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,life opens up and then you can turn
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.40,0:12:50.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,towards meaning and purpose
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.50,0:12:52.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how you bring love, participation,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.90,0:12:54.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,beauty, contribution,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.10,0:12:56.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into the lives of others.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.90,0:13:01.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't see at first that this
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.50,0:13:03.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pivot towards pain and suffering
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.10,0:13:07.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,actually was glued at the hip
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.40,0:13:09.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to this pivot towards meaning and purpose.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:09.85,0:13:11.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't see that at first.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.21,0:13:13.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I started seeing it in my clients
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.80,0:13:16.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as I began to do the ACT work.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.00,0:13:18.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started seeing it in my own life.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.50,0:13:21.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And just a few years in,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.30,0:13:23.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it hit me very powerfully.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.34,0:13:27.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By then, I'd done a few\Nrandomized trials on ACT
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.58,0:13:30.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was beginning to do trainings,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.30,0:13:33.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,moving around, meeting\Nwith smaller groups of clinicians,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.69,0:13:35.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,teaching about the work we're doing.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.80,0:13:38.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was doing a workshop
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.60,0:13:40.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I had these waves of anxiety,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.60,0:13:42.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which was totally normal.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.10,0:13:45.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Still today, I will get anxious
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.40,0:13:46.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,during talks.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.10,0:13:50.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was fine. I'm open for that.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.50,0:13:52.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on. It's cool.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:54.40,0:13:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then another wave came.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.00,0:13:58.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I suddenly felt as though\NI was going to sob
Dialogue: 0,0:13:58.32,0:14:01.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in front of those clinicians,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:02.20,0:14:04.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I was going to weep uncontrollably.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:06.00,0:14:07.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "What?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:07.80,0:14:10.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The moment passed and I did the workshop.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.26,0:14:13.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Didn't think about it again\Nuntil the next workshop,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:13.80,0:14:15.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,same exact thing happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:15.99,0:14:20.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this time I had the presence of mind\Nto notice I felt very young.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.20,0:14:22.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I asked myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.18,0:14:23.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even as I was doing the workshop,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.80,0:14:25.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"How old are you?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.40,0:14:28.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the answer came back, "8 or 9."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:29.30,0:14:31.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, a memory flipped by
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.80,0:14:35.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I hadn't thought of\Nsince it happened,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:35.22,0:14:37.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I was 8 or 9.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:38.50,0:14:41.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't have time to unpack it\Nin the workshop,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.02,0:14:42.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that night in the hotel I did.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.00,0:14:47.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was underneath my bed,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.64,0:14:50.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,listening to my parents fight\Nin the other room.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.50,0:14:57.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My dad had come home drunk and late again.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.30,0:15:02.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my mother was ripping into him
Dialogue: 0,0:15:02.90,0:15:06.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about him spending\Nthe meager family funds on his addiction;
Dialogue: 0,0:15:06.80,0:15:10.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about his inadequacies\Nas a husband and as a father.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.90,0:15:11.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he was saying,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:11.90,0:15:15.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Shut up! You better shut up or else!"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.10,0:15:18.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I knew his fists were clenched.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:19.10,0:15:21.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I heard a horrific crash
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.00,0:15:23.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my mother screaming.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:26.00,0:15:27.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would find out only later
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.60,0:15:29.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was the coffee table
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.10,0:15:30.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,going across the living room.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.16,0:15:33.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:33.60,0:15:35.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Is there going to be blood?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:35.90,0:15:37.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is he hitting her?"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.40,0:15:40.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, my little boy mind
Dialogue: 0,0:15:40.20,0:15:42.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gave me these words very clearly,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.10,0:15:46.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm going to do something."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:49.50,0:15:53.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I realized there was nothing\Nfor me to do,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:53.14,0:15:54.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,nothing safe.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:56.10,0:15:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I scooted back farther
Dialogue: 0,0:15:58.00,0:16:00.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I held myself and cried.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:03.90,0:16:05.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You get it?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:06.42,0:16:09.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sitting there,\Nwatching those old bulls fight
Dialogue: 0,0:16:09.54,0:16:11.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the psychology department
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.50,0:16:14.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and yeah, I'm horrified
Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.40,0:16:17.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and yeah, I'm feeling anxious,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:17.50,0:16:21.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but really what I would like to do\Nis just to cry -
Dialogue: 0,0:16:22.50,0:16:24.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a department of psychology?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.60,0:16:27.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:28.70,0:16:29.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Really?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:32.50,0:16:34.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, I didn't have access to him.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.50,0:16:37.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't have room for him.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:39.40,0:16:42.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's why I'm a psychologist,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:43.40,0:16:45.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I didn't even know it.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:47.00,0:16:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I got caught up in the articles,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:51.00,0:16:53.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the vita, in the grants,\Nand the achievement.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:53.70,0:16:55.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Woo hoo!
Dialogue: 0,0:16:57.00,0:17:00.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, I came here because he asked me to.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:01.80,0:17:03.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To "do something".
Dialogue: 0,0:17:05.10,0:17:07.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And instead, what I told him
Dialogue: 0,0:17:08.70,0:17:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was tantamount to leading down and saying,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:12.50,0:17:15.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Just be quiet. Go away. Shut up,"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:17.20,0:17:21.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I ran, and I fought, and I hid.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:22.00,0:17:24.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was so unkind and so unloving.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:24.90,0:17:29.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To who? To me, and the parts of me
Dialogue: 0,0:17:29.86,0:17:34.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that connect me\Neven with my life's purpose.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:35.80,0:17:38.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because we hurt where we care
Dialogue: 0,0:17:39.60,0:17:42.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we care where we hurt.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:42.70,0:17:45.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These two pivots, these two
Dialogue: 0,0:17:45.10,0:17:48.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"turning towards" are the same thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:49.00,0:17:50.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you stand with yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:50.70,0:17:52.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even when it's hard,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:52.70,0:17:54.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're doing a loving thing for yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:17:55.10,0:17:57.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and out of that then you can afford
Dialogue: 0,0:17:57.50,0:18:00.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the risk of turning towards
Dialogue: 0,0:18:01.60,0:18:03.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,bringing love into the world,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:03.30,0:18:05.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,beauty into the world, communication,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:05.20,0:18:08.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,contribution into the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:08.50,0:18:12.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And seeing that, I made another promise.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:13.10,0:18:17.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Never again, I will not push you away,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:19.10,0:18:23.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,nor your message to me about our purpose.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:24.51,0:18:27.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not going to ask you\Nto give the workshop,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:27.80,0:18:29.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or do the [TEDx] talk either,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:30.50,0:18:32.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:18:33.00,0:18:35.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I want you here with me
Dialogue: 0,0:18:37.00,0:18:38.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because you soften me.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:39.50,0:18:44.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You make sense\Nof why my life is about this.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:46.90,0:18:49.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so, my message to you is
Dialogue: 0,0:18:51.05,0:18:54.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to look at the science\Nof psychological flexibility, yeah,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:54.70,0:18:58.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but look at how it can inform\Nwhat you already know,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:00.00,0:19:02.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is bringing love to yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:19:02.60,0:19:04.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even when it's hard
Dialogue: 0,0:19:04.80,0:19:07.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will help you bring love into the world
Dialogue: 0,0:19:07.50,0:19:11.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the way that you want\Nto bring it into the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:13.60,0:19:15.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's important.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:16.60,0:19:17.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know it.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:18.30,0:19:20.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your crying little 8 year olds in you\Nknow it.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:22.90,0:19:24.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We all know it.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:26.60,0:19:28.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because love isn't everything,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:29.90,0:19:31.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's the only thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:32.87,0:19:33.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:33.79,0:19:35.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope I've been useful to you.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:35.42,0:19:36.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)