1 00:00:52,584 --> 00:00:54,133 Mr. Brogan... 2 00:00:54,133 --> 00:00:56,991 I assume you've called in regard to the mortgage payment... 3 00:00:57,013 --> 00:00:58,985 on Castle Plunkett, unfortunately still delayed... 4 00:00:58,985 --> 00:01:02,484 by what seems to be our endless postal strike. 5 00:01:03,946 --> 00:01:06,284 Dear sir, I must once again remind you... 6 00:01:06,284 --> 00:01:11,668 my first name is not "Dick," nor is my last name "Face." 7 00:01:11,684 --> 00:01:15,615 It is simply Peter. Peter Plunkett. 8 00:01:15,663 --> 00:01:18,197 No, I was not given a middle name... 9 00:01:18,197 --> 00:01:19,840 but had I been, I feel certain... 10 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:21,448 my mother would not have chosen... 11 00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:25,399 '"Low-life Shit-for-brains Peckerhead." 12 00:01:25,399 --> 00:01:28,041 You obviously know a side of Mother... 13 00:01:28,107 --> 00:01:29,536 I have been happily sheltered from. 14 00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:32,110 Nevertheless, I marvel at your colorfully creative... 15 00:01:32,110 --> 00:01:33,978 ever-so-American colloquialisms... 16 00:01:33,978 --> 00:01:37,449 which flow so grippingly from your razor like tongue. 17 00:01:38,626 --> 00:01:41,160 The hotel is in tiptop condition... 18 00:01:41,227 --> 00:01:42,885 the renovations are proceeding at a... 19 00:01:42,955 --> 00:01:46,249 What? Why shouldn't I bother? 20 00:01:46,548 --> 00:01:48,050 Peter, who are you calling? 21 00:01:48,124 --> 00:01:51,374 Oh, Mother! Will you please get off the line? 22 00:01:53,172 --> 00:01:55,521 Turning the castle into a theme park? 23 00:01:56,685 --> 00:01:59,269 '"Irish World"? 24 00:01:59,347 --> 00:02:01,486 Gee, what an interesting notion. 25 00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:03,694 In where? In Malibu? 26 00:02:03,763 --> 00:02:06,862 What is Malibu? 27 00:02:07,271 --> 00:02:10,123 I see. You want to move the castle to Malibu... 28 00:02:10,123 --> 00:02:12,696 which, I am to presume, lies on the western corner... 29 00:02:12,696 --> 00:02:14,852 of those United States. 30 00:02:14,852 --> 00:02:16,969 Mr. Brogan, if I cannot send your payment... 31 00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:18,550 how on earth do you expect... 32 00:02:18,620 --> 00:02:20,856 to transport an entire castle across the sea? 33 00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,898 The number of stamps alone is mind-boggling! 34 00:02:22,972 --> 00:02:25,143 But I can assure you, Mr. Brogan... 35 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:27,005 that if it goes on much longer... 36 00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:30,081 I will take this check which I am holding in my hand... 37 00:02:30,055 --> 00:02:33,057 and personally ferry it across the water to England... 38 00:02:33,124 --> 00:02:35,711 and mail it to you myself. That's how much I care. 39 00:02:35,715 --> 00:02:38,370 What postal strike? 40 00:02:38,435 --> 00:02:40,290 Shut up, Mother! 41 00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:44,945 I don't think that kind of language... 42 00:02:44,945 --> 00:02:46,766 is necessary, Mr. Brogan. 43 00:02:46,835 --> 00:02:48,528 Understandable, but... 44 00:02:52,554 --> 00:02:56,074 So, what you're saying... 45 00:02:56,074 --> 00:02:59,812 is that if I don't come up with the money in three weeks... 46 00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:03,727 you will foreclose and take over Castle Plunkett. 47 00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:07,981 I see. 48 00:03:09,531 --> 00:03:13,346 Have you heard of the quality of mercy, Mr. Brogan? 49 00:03:15,970 --> 00:03:18,580 You haven't read your Shakespeare, Mr. Brogan. 50 00:03:18,870 --> 00:03:20,278 Good-bye. 51 00:03:30,458 --> 00:03:31,908 There you are! 52 00:03:31,908 --> 00:03:33,374 Taking the easy way out. You naughty boy! 53 00:03:33,603 --> 00:03:35,266 Mother, this is not easy. It is very, very difficult. 54 00:03:35,339 --> 00:03:37,543 Just because you haven't got a guest in the place... 55 00:03:37,611 --> 00:03:39,466 you're in hock to that fellow Brogan. 56 00:03:39,531 --> 00:03:42,695 Your father's so worried, he's tearing his hair out! 57 00:03:42,763 --> 00:03:45,130 Mother, father has been dead for a decade. 58 00:03:45,196 --> 00:03:46,821 And what about your grandmother? 59 00:03:46,891 --> 00:03:48,680 How do you think she feels? 60 00:03:48,747 --> 00:03:50,886 Mother, grandmother is dead, too. 61 00:03:50,956 --> 00:03:52,450 She's still upset. 62 00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:55,077 Very well. I apologize profoundly... 63 00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:57,002 to the ghosts of my ancestors... 64 00:03:57,067 --> 00:04:00,035 for making a mess of their ancestral home. 65 00:04:00,108 --> 00:04:01,188 Hold that. 66 00:04:01,259 --> 00:04:03,114 I'm not gonna help you. 67 00:04:08,939 --> 00:04:11,111 How many ghosts are there here? 68 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:18,120 There's Great Auntie Nana and Uncle Toby... 69 00:04:18,187 --> 00:04:21,089 and that nice Elizabethan lady... 70 00:04:21,163 --> 00:04:24,993 and the nun who was walled into the closet... 71 00:04:25,068 --> 00:04:28,810 and Oliver's bastard, who never came out of the library. 72 00:04:28,875 --> 00:04:30,053 Mother. 73 00:04:30,124 --> 00:04:32,807 - What, darling? - What a wonderful idea. 74 00:04:32,875 --> 00:04:35,842 - What, darling? - Ghosts. 75 00:04:35,915 --> 00:04:37,955 Ghosts? 76 00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:40,777 Ghosts. 77 00:04:40,843 --> 00:04:43,428 A wonderful tourist attraction. 78 00:04:48,843 --> 00:04:51,232 Katie! 79 00:04:51,307 --> 00:04:53,162 Katie, take this down. 80 00:04:55,371 --> 00:04:57,510 Castle Plunkett... 81 00:04:57,579 --> 00:05:01,354 the superbly-restored edifice in the heart... 82 00:05:01,419 --> 00:05:05,380 of the incomparably beautiful Irish countryside. 83 00:05:05,451 --> 00:05:09,346 Also known to be the most haunted place... 84 00:05:09,419 --> 00:05:11,208 on the Emerald Isle! 85 00:05:11,275 --> 00:05:14,591 Here, the dead outnumber the living! 86 00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:17,864 This castle contains more ghouls, ghosties... 87 00:05:17,931 --> 00:05:19,491 long-leggedy beasties... 88 00:05:19,563 --> 00:05:21,538 and things that go bump in the night... 89 00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:25,059 than on any other place in this revolving, revolting... 90 00:05:25,131 --> 00:05:27,914 maggot-spinning earth! 91 00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:32,584 We can promise you banshees, pookas... 92 00:05:32,651 --> 00:05:35,237 ghouls of all descriptions. 93 00:05:35,307 --> 00:05:39,682 The one thing we won't promise is a good night's sleep. 94 00:05:39,755 --> 00:05:41,511 There are no bloody ghosts here. 95 00:05:41,579 --> 00:05:44,645 I know, but there will be. We'll invent them. 96 00:05:48,267 --> 00:05:49,828 Yes, Mr. Wilson... 97 00:05:49,899 --> 00:05:51,787 the accommodations are strictly modern... 98 00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,273 and so far, the renovations have been consistent... 99 00:05:54,348 --> 00:05:56,355 with maintaining the ectoplasmic ambience... 100 00:05:56,427 --> 00:05:58,085 of Castle Plunkett and environs. 101 00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,696 Illusion. 102 00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,519 You, Katie, for instance. 103 00:06:04,587 --> 00:06:10,697 You high on a wire would be magnificent as a flying banshee. 104 00:06:11,723 --> 00:06:14,538 A little dry rot, selective damp... 105 00:06:14,603 --> 00:06:16,327 some fungus here and there. 106 00:06:16,395 --> 00:06:18,697 Ghosts need such things to exist. 107 00:06:18,763 --> 00:06:20,519 Thank you. 108 00:06:20,587 --> 00:06:24,002 Patricia, you could be... 109 00:06:24,075 --> 00:06:25,285 a mermaid! 110 00:06:25,355 --> 00:06:27,330 Or Lady Godiva. 111 00:06:33,004 --> 00:06:34,530 Anybody dead down there? 112 00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:36,032 Only the corpse, Eamon. 113 00:06:36,107 --> 00:06:38,311 What the shaggin' hell are you doin' up there? 114 00:06:38,379 --> 00:06:40,354 Genius. Pure genius. 115 00:06:40,427 --> 00:06:42,151 Just you wait till they see it. 116 00:06:43,787 --> 00:06:46,373 The bloody hand to the front... 117 00:06:50,219 --> 00:06:52,074 And the bloody feet at the rear. 118 00:06:54,667 --> 00:06:56,740 Look, what in the name of God is that? 119 00:06:56,811 --> 00:06:58,436 We're not doin' the "African Queen." 120 00:06:58,507 --> 00:07:02,631 Will you get me the shaggin' fish I asked you for? 121 00:07:07,531 --> 00:07:09,058 Smile, Katie! 122 00:07:09,132 --> 00:07:10,855 You have to smile! 123 00:07:10,923 --> 00:07:12,712 The Americans are coming tomorrow. 124 00:07:12,779 --> 00:07:15,779 Now, Eamon, you little genius, one more time. 125 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,535 Ready, steady, go! 126 00:07:32,715 --> 00:07:34,308 Jack, what are you doing? 127 00:07:34,379 --> 00:07:36,005 It's a little champagne. 128 00:07:36,075 --> 00:07:38,464 To us, to Ireland... 129 00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:39,914 your homeland. 130 00:07:39,979 --> 00:07:41,702 Loch Ness Monster, guys in skirts. 131 00:07:41,772 --> 00:07:43,113 That's Scotland, Jack. 132 00:07:44,875 --> 00:07:46,850 I knew that. 133 00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:50,816 Oh, Christ! 134 00:07:50,891 --> 00:07:53,128 Oh, Jack. I've just taken two Valium... 135 00:07:53,195 --> 00:07:56,511 and now you're trying to drown me in champagne. 136 00:07:56,587 --> 00:07:59,969 God. Next thing you know, you'll want to have sex. 137 00:08:17,323 --> 00:08:18,730 Ma'am? 138 00:08:18,795 --> 00:08:19,973 A little champagne? 139 00:08:21,419 --> 00:08:24,234 I suppose sex is out of the question? 140 00:08:29,707 --> 00:08:31,714 I think I should be the tart on the horse... 141 00:08:31,787 --> 00:08:33,697 and you should be the hag in the tree. 142 00:08:33,770 --> 00:08:35,658 I think I should go home. 143 00:08:35,722 --> 00:08:38,308 Just give me that hair back! 144 00:08:59,307 --> 00:09:00,933 Bon voyage! 145 00:09:13,515 --> 00:09:16,385 On our left, we have the Houghlin Bog... 146 00:09:16,459 --> 00:09:19,721 home to more grisly and gruesome murders... 147 00:09:19,787 --> 00:09:21,892 than any comparable spot in the universe. 148 00:09:21,963 --> 00:09:24,135 The fierce, fighting O'Flahertys... 149 00:09:24,203 --> 00:09:26,624 would pile down from the Knockmealdown Mountains... 150 00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:29,066 and pillage and rape women and children. 151 00:09:30,379 --> 00:09:31,688 We have children here. 152 00:09:31,755 --> 00:09:33,860 Even Christian brothers were known to berserk... 153 00:09:33,931 --> 00:09:36,353 the occasional sheep or goat. 154 00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:40,871 Here, within the confines of Castle Plunkett itself... 155 00:09:40,939 --> 00:09:43,175 we come to the infamous Wailing Willow... 156 00:09:43,243 --> 00:09:45,577 from which the Brogan Banshee... 157 00:09:45,643 --> 00:09:49,669 is reported to wail and howl from time to time. 158 00:09:49,739 --> 00:09:52,128 They're comin', Katie! 159 00:09:52,203 --> 00:09:54,505 Get ready to show them all you have! 160 00:09:54,571 --> 00:09:56,359 Scare the Jesus out of 'em. 161 00:09:56,426 --> 00:09:58,249 Howl, Katie, howl! 162 00:09:58,315 --> 00:10:00,803 Howl like a banshee! 163 00:10:00,875 --> 00:10:03,591 Wave the life out of 'em! Wave your arms! 164 00:10:08,043 --> 00:10:09,767 Oh, Jesus! 165 00:10:16,875 --> 00:10:18,085 Stop the bus! 166 00:10:20,043 --> 00:10:21,570 Help me! 167 00:10:21,643 --> 00:10:23,268 Driver! 168 00:10:23,339 --> 00:10:25,510 Help me! 169 00:10:27,403 --> 00:10:29,290 There's a lady on the luggage rack! 170 00:10:29,355 --> 00:10:31,111 I'm not a lady! I'm a banshee! 171 00:10:31,179 --> 00:10:32,805 There's a banshee on the luggage rack! 172 00:10:32,875 --> 00:10:36,224 And the banshee's howling brings forth... 173 00:10:36,299 --> 00:10:40,128 the restless spirit of Lady Amelia... 174 00:10:40,203 --> 00:10:44,872 risen from her grave, riding naked on her magical mount! 175 00:10:47,115 --> 00:10:50,213 Hands and heels now, Patricia! 176 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,072 I can't stop it! 177 00:10:52,139 --> 00:10:53,349 Help! 178 00:11:06,443 --> 00:11:08,232 Awesome! 179 00:11:09,675 --> 00:11:10,919 Oh, mummy! 180 00:11:23,434 --> 00:11:26,085 The things I do for you. 181 00:11:26,155 --> 00:11:29,003 Deeply appreciated. 182 00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:32,679 Oh, dear. 183 00:11:47,434 --> 00:11:48,743 Don't panic! 184 00:11:48,811 --> 00:11:50,720 What do you mean, "don't panic"? 185 00:11:52,619 --> 00:11:54,855 Listen to me! Don't panic! 186 00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:56,002 Shut up! 187 00:11:56,074 --> 00:11:58,530 She's amphibious, or so I'm told. 188 00:12:14,795 --> 00:12:17,512 Jesus Christ. This is the end of the world. 189 00:12:18,859 --> 00:12:20,801 Best foot forward, Katie. 190 00:12:20,875 --> 00:12:24,170 Welcome to Castle Plunkett! 191 00:12:24,235 --> 00:12:27,202 You are most heartily welcomed. 192 00:12:28,491 --> 00:12:32,452 Ladies, gentlemen, children... 193 00:12:32,523 --> 00:12:34,890 you appear to be a trifle moist. 194 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,100 May I? 195 00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:47,808 Good evening, boys, young lady... 196 00:12:47,883 --> 00:12:50,436 Mr. Crawford, Mrs. Crawford, Mrs. Clay. 197 00:12:50,507 --> 00:12:53,736 Mr. Plunkett, what is this whiting in a glaze? 198 00:12:53,803 --> 00:12:56,836 Oh, that would be a lovely whiting with bread crumbs. 199 00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:59,110 And the whiting au nature? 200 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,324 Boiled whiting. 201 00:13:00,394 --> 00:13:02,499 So, what's the whiting vapor stuff? 202 00:13:02,570 --> 00:13:05,472 That, my dear young one, would be whiting, steamed. 203 00:13:05,546 --> 00:13:07,237 And what is this? 204 00:13:07,307 --> 00:13:08,649 Whiting bordeaux? 205 00:13:08,715 --> 00:13:12,010 Very witty, Mr. Clay. 206 00:13:12,074 --> 00:13:14,857 OK, Mom. You've got us here. Now where are these ghosts? 207 00:13:14,923 --> 00:13:16,679 Come on! I wanna see one now! 208 00:13:16,747 --> 00:13:18,121 Boys! 209 00:13:18,186 --> 00:13:20,074 I'm afraid there are no ghosts here. 210 00:13:20,139 --> 00:13:22,692 A cynic, Mr. Clay. 211 00:13:22,763 --> 00:13:25,130 No, a parapsychologist... 212 00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:26,755 Mr. Plunkett. 213 00:13:26,826 --> 00:13:28,649 Duke University. 214 00:13:28,715 --> 00:13:30,089 A para-what? 215 00:13:30,154 --> 00:13:32,772 A parapsychologist. An expert in ghosts. 216 00:13:32,842 --> 00:13:35,046 Give the parapsychologist a drink, Katie. 217 00:13:45,931 --> 00:13:48,319 Whiting bisque, madame? 218 00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:49,736 Thank you. 219 00:13:55,018 --> 00:13:58,150 And for you, father? The whiting bisque? 220 00:13:58,219 --> 00:14:03,237 So, I was seeing this guy, and he's a devil worshipper, right? 221 00:14:03,306 --> 00:14:05,673 Well, he's a hairdresser, really... 222 00:14:05,739 --> 00:14:07,364 but he devil worships on the side. 223 00:14:07,435 --> 00:14:10,697 We booked this dumb tour 'cause he likes ghosts... 224 00:14:10,763 --> 00:14:13,349 corpses, dead gerbils, that kind of thing... 225 00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:16,102 and he ran off with this Buddhist monk. 226 00:14:16,171 --> 00:14:19,749 I mean, how was I supposed to know he was gay? 227 00:14:21,323 --> 00:14:23,178 So, what about you? Are you gay, too? 228 00:14:23,243 --> 00:14:26,887 No, I'm not, but I'm chaste. 229 00:14:26,954 --> 00:14:29,475 Just kidding. Trick question. 230 00:14:29,547 --> 00:14:32,361 So, what are you doing here? 231 00:14:32,427 --> 00:14:35,329 Well, I thought I'd take a vacation here... 232 00:14:35,403 --> 00:14:36,864 in the Isle of Saints... 233 00:14:36,939 --> 00:14:39,939 before I take my final vows as a sort of spiritual treat. 234 00:14:40,011 --> 00:14:41,188 Retreat. 235 00:14:41,258 --> 00:14:44,903 Yeah. Well, I've kind of taken a vow myself. 236 00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:49,673 I've sworn off men for a while, at least. 237 00:14:49,738 --> 00:14:52,040 But you're not a priest yet? 238 00:14:52,106 --> 00:14:54,048 No. Not yet. 239 00:14:54,123 --> 00:14:57,254 Well, here's to keeping our vows. 240 00:15:11,466 --> 00:15:12,644 Mr. Plunkett. 241 00:15:14,155 --> 00:15:15,332 Who's that? 242 00:15:18,026 --> 00:15:20,328 Mary Plunkett. 243 00:15:20,395 --> 00:15:24,039 My great-great-great-great- great-great-grandcousin. 244 00:15:24,106 --> 00:15:28,384 She died right here in Castle Plunkett 200 years ago. 245 00:15:28,459 --> 00:15:29,953 She couldn't take the whiting, either? 246 00:15:30,027 --> 00:15:32,612 Levity is out of place, Mrs. Crawford. 247 00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:35,999 She was murdered on her wedding night... 248 00:15:36,074 --> 00:15:39,140 by the hand of her newly wedded husband. 249 00:15:44,331 --> 00:15:49,895 When I remember 250 00:15:49,962 --> 00:15:55,974 All friends linked together 251 00:15:56,043 --> 00:16:01,672 I've seen around me 252 00:16:01,738 --> 00:16:05,633 Fall like leaves in wintry snow 253 00:16:05,707 --> 00:16:08,162 Why don't I just give you both here? 254 00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:10,886 I can get the change later. 255 00:16:10,955 --> 00:16:12,132 Lovely music. 256 00:16:12,202 --> 00:16:13,446 Shut up! 257 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:15,751 Some banquet-hall 258 00:16:15,819 --> 00:16:18,819 Deserted 259 00:16:18,891 --> 00:16:21,476 Whose lights are fled 260 00:16:21,546 --> 00:16:24,514 Whose garlands dead 261 00:16:24,586 --> 00:16:30,816 And all but he departed 262 00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:36,127 Thus in the stilly night 263 00:16:36,202 --> 00:16:39,050 Ere slumber's chain 264 00:16:39,115 --> 00:16:42,279 Has bound me 265 00:16:42,347 --> 00:16:46,886 Fond memory brings the light 266 00:16:46,954 --> 00:16:48,067 Honey, everybody's singing. 267 00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:51,363 It's beautiful. 268 00:16:53,578 --> 00:16:55,072 It's beautiful. 269 00:17:17,194 --> 00:17:21,503 A full moon has risen above Houghlin Bog. 270 00:17:21,578 --> 00:17:23,433 Those of you with nervous dispositions... 271 00:17:23,498 --> 00:17:25,734 would do well to protect yourselves. 272 00:17:25,803 --> 00:17:28,967 Lock your windows, bolt your doors... 273 00:17:29,035 --> 00:17:30,660 say your prayers... 274 00:17:30,730 --> 00:17:33,730 for tonight, they may be walking abroad... 275 00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:38,058 the cluricanes, the banshees, and the pookas. 276 00:17:38,123 --> 00:17:40,806 Good night. Sleep well, if you can. 277 00:17:42,731 --> 00:17:43,909 If you dare! 278 00:17:45,963 --> 00:17:47,108 Bugs. 279 00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:50,665 Where did they all go? 280 00:17:50,730 --> 00:17:53,032 Don't ask. They might come back. 281 00:17:56,938 --> 00:17:58,793 Well, if there are any ghosts in this castle... 282 00:17:58,858 --> 00:18:01,280 I hope to God they put on a better show than this one. 283 00:18:01,355 --> 00:18:03,362 It was pretty scary, huh, kids? 284 00:18:03,435 --> 00:18:05,573 Didn't you see '"Nightmare on Elm Street"? 285 00:18:05,642 --> 00:18:06,787 Give me a break. 286 00:18:09,226 --> 00:18:11,168 Scared the shit out of me. 287 00:18:13,035 --> 00:18:14,823 Right. Phase Two. 288 00:18:14,890 --> 00:18:16,352 Katie, banshee time. 289 00:18:16,427 --> 00:18:18,532 Julia, where's me bandages? 290 00:18:21,802 --> 00:18:24,104 Because it's hard to get a significant C.R. Reading... 291 00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:28,131 when there is no observed deviation to be measured. 292 00:18:28,203 --> 00:18:31,399 I'm afraid that this is going to be the most pitiful scam... 293 00:18:31,466 --> 00:18:35,328 There is not even a dress hanger in the dump. 294 00:18:35,402 --> 00:18:37,507 Malky. 295 00:18:37,578 --> 00:18:41,670 Get me the nightie you bought me at the duty-free. 296 00:18:41,739 --> 00:18:43,080 Honey? 297 00:18:48,746 --> 00:18:51,943 Thanks, Bugbear. Oh, take this, would you? 298 00:18:52,010 --> 00:18:56,233 Unexpected random fluctuations of the standard deviation... 299 00:18:56,299 --> 00:19:00,128 would need to exceed 2.33 for it to be conceived as significant. 300 00:19:00,202 --> 00:19:02,886 Here we have a very impressive sight indeed. 301 00:19:02,955 --> 00:19:06,468 It's the winning Hereford bull owned by Mr. Lynch... 302 00:19:06,539 --> 00:19:10,630 and he's won the competition for the third year in a row. 303 00:19:10,699 --> 00:19:13,317 Mind you, the competition we saw today... 304 00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,077 was of a very high quality indeed... 305 00:19:15,146 --> 00:19:18,561 and the judges had a very difficult task. 306 00:19:18,634 --> 00:19:23,206 Of course, these days, the judges emphasize grooming... 307 00:19:23,275 --> 00:19:25,730 Oh, my God. 308 00:19:25,803 --> 00:19:27,658 Major jet lag. 309 00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:34,913 Excuse me. 310 00:19:34,987 --> 00:19:37,507 I don't believe in ghosts. 311 00:19:40,203 --> 00:19:41,861 Oh, wait. 312 00:19:44,074 --> 00:19:46,213 Calm down, Miranda. 313 00:19:46,282 --> 00:19:49,926 You can stop it now, because really, I'm not scared. 314 00:20:07,594 --> 00:20:10,790 One more time, my Katie, and give the window a little tap. 315 00:20:10,858 --> 00:20:13,030 Tap it yourself. 316 00:20:13,099 --> 00:20:14,506 Away, Little John. 317 00:20:21,131 --> 00:20:23,465 Damn it! Look at me, you bastard! 318 00:20:38,986 --> 00:20:40,295 OK, you guys. 319 00:20:40,362 --> 00:20:43,908 If you aren't in bed in three seconds, you are grounded. 320 00:20:43,978 --> 00:20:45,287 But we haven't seen a ghost yet. 321 00:20:45,354 --> 00:20:47,329 And I'm not whistlin' Dixie. 322 00:21:04,618 --> 00:21:06,441 Help me! 323 00:21:06,506 --> 00:21:07,684 Help! 324 00:21:07,754 --> 00:21:11,103 Please, somebody help me! 325 00:21:11,178 --> 00:21:12,804 Where's he goin'? 326 00:21:12,874 --> 00:21:15,241 Help me! 327 00:21:16,394 --> 00:21:17,889 All right. I'm coming. 328 00:21:17,963 --> 00:21:20,930 - Brother Tony, help me! - I will! 329 00:21:21,003 --> 00:21:23,392 - You have to make it stop! - All right! 330 00:21:23,466 --> 00:21:25,321 I don't like it at all! 331 00:21:25,386 --> 00:21:26,728 Come on, Brother Tony! Jump! 332 00:21:26,794 --> 00:21:28,998 I'm coming! 333 00:21:29,066 --> 00:21:30,244 Oh, Tony! 334 00:21:30,314 --> 00:21:31,972 Brother Tony! Do something! 335 00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:33,897 Don't just lay there, do something! 336 00:21:33,962 --> 00:21:35,369 Like what? 337 00:21:35,434 --> 00:21:37,376 Exorcise it! 338 00:21:37,450 --> 00:21:38,912 You're a priest, aren't you? 339 00:21:38,987 --> 00:21:41,408 How about a little something from "Revelations"? 340 00:21:41,482 --> 00:21:42,791 - "Revelations"? - "Revelations." 341 00:21:45,034 --> 00:21:47,718 '"And I saw an angel..." 342 00:21:47,786 --> 00:21:48,996 I'm gonna be sick! 343 00:21:49,066 --> 00:21:53,027 Don't leave me! We're going to die! 344 00:21:53,098 --> 00:21:54,821 They're going to kill us! 345 00:21:59,946 --> 00:22:04,169 A change in the humidity and you will turn blue. 346 00:22:08,522 --> 00:22:11,370 Come to me, Bugbear. 347 00:22:11,434 --> 00:22:13,321 Make me a woman. 348 00:22:14,954 --> 00:22:16,994 My love. 349 00:22:18,955 --> 00:22:23,559 Oh, that's the most pathetic display that I've ever seen. 350 00:22:23,626 --> 00:22:24,870 Malcolm! 351 00:22:24,938 --> 00:22:28,321 What is that? A 45-degree semisilver mirror? 352 00:22:33,578 --> 00:22:36,000 Now, Eamon. 353 00:22:36,074 --> 00:22:37,503 The sword! 354 00:22:38,826 --> 00:22:40,614 Jack, what are you doing? 355 00:22:42,986 --> 00:22:44,513 I smell something burning, Jack. 356 00:22:51,434 --> 00:22:54,118 Sharon! 357 00:22:54,186 --> 00:22:56,193 How many times do I have to tell you "no"? 358 00:22:56,266 --> 00:22:59,430 I'm exhausted. We are not making love tonight. 359 00:22:59,498 --> 00:23:00,708 I just saw a ghost! 360 00:23:00,778 --> 00:23:04,259 That is the most pathetic excuse for sex I have ever heard! 361 00:23:04,331 --> 00:23:06,338 If I say I'm too tired, then I'm too tired. 362 00:23:06,410 --> 00:23:07,555 Thank you very much, Jack. 363 00:23:07,626 --> 00:23:09,251 Now I need to take two more Valium. 364 00:23:14,314 --> 00:23:15,776 My God, he's got my underwear! 365 00:23:15,851 --> 00:23:17,607 Oh, very nice! A pervert ghost! 366 00:23:17,674 --> 00:23:18,884 Malcolm, the children! 367 00:23:18,954 --> 00:23:20,481 Don't worry, Marge. I'll handle this. 368 00:23:20,554 --> 00:23:22,921 Get away from the children! 369 00:23:22,986 --> 00:23:24,677 Yeah, Dad! 370 00:23:24,746 --> 00:23:26,339 Supernatural, huh? 371 00:23:26,411 --> 00:23:28,069 Sounds pretty solid to me. 372 00:23:28,138 --> 00:23:29,218 Behind me, children! 373 00:23:29,291 --> 00:23:31,233 How dare you threaten my family? 374 00:23:43,754 --> 00:23:45,096 I think it's real, Dad. 375 00:23:45,162 --> 00:23:47,104 I'll show you real! 376 00:23:50,922 --> 00:23:52,351 Mother of God! 377 00:23:55,338 --> 00:23:58,469 You could've shaggin' killed me. 378 00:24:00,682 --> 00:24:02,569 Maybe if we made love more often... 379 00:24:02,634 --> 00:24:04,063 you wouldn't need your stupid pills. 380 00:24:10,474 --> 00:24:12,197 Do not take that Valium. 381 00:24:12,266 --> 00:24:14,176 Sharon, do not take that Valium. 382 00:24:14,250 --> 00:24:16,422 Would you listen to me for once in your life? 383 00:24:16,490 --> 00:24:17,766 Sharon, please! 384 00:24:26,058 --> 00:24:28,262 It's not working! We have to stop! 385 00:24:28,330 --> 00:24:30,534 We have to try something else! 386 00:24:55,402 --> 00:24:56,514 What are you doing... 387 00:24:58,346 --> 00:24:59,906 to that poor ghost? 388 00:25:01,258 --> 00:25:03,080 Wait a minute! 389 00:25:03,146 --> 00:25:07,336 Plunkett! You phony! You fake! 390 00:25:10,890 --> 00:25:14,338 Julia! Oh, how's my poor... 391 00:25:14,378 --> 00:25:16,899 Little demon children! 392 00:25:16,970 --> 00:25:19,141 Calm yourselves! 393 00:25:20,298 --> 00:25:22,121 As the brochure says, it's the unpredictability... 394 00:25:22,186 --> 00:25:23,364 of spirits that causes problems. 395 00:25:23,434 --> 00:25:26,532 So I would like to apologize for any minor inconvenience. 396 00:25:26,602 --> 00:25:29,352 This is the most pitiful supernatural sham... 397 00:25:29,418 --> 00:25:30,530 that I've ever encountered! 398 00:25:30,602 --> 00:25:32,195 It will get better, I assure you. 399 00:25:44,010 --> 00:25:46,082 That's it! 400 00:25:46,154 --> 00:25:48,871 We are leaving tomorrow morning, Jack. 401 00:25:48,938 --> 00:25:52,583 Oh, no, my dear woman. 402 00:25:52,650 --> 00:25:54,243 Am I intruding? 403 00:25:54,314 --> 00:25:57,314 Just give the poor ghosts a little time. 404 00:25:57,386 --> 00:25:59,208 We're history, dude. 405 00:25:59,274 --> 00:26:01,794 Couldn't we look on tonight as a kind of dress rehearsal? 406 00:26:01,866 --> 00:26:04,200 You're finished, Plunkett! 407 00:26:04,266 --> 00:26:08,095 I am going to personally expose this pathetic fraud! 408 00:26:08,170 --> 00:26:10,985 There are laws, sir, against people like you. 409 00:26:11,050 --> 00:26:13,286 Marge, children, we're leaving. 410 00:26:15,114 --> 00:26:17,318 Maybe Jim Brogan'll give us another chance? 411 00:26:17,386 --> 00:26:20,386 Jim Brogan? What's Jim Brogan got to do with this? 412 00:26:20,458 --> 00:26:22,313 He has the mortgage on the place... 413 00:26:22,378 --> 00:26:23,872 and we've only got two weeks left... 414 00:26:23,946 --> 00:26:25,539 and then he's gonna throw us out. 415 00:26:25,610 --> 00:26:27,683 Jack, I'm very tired. I'd like to go to bed now. 416 00:26:27,754 --> 00:26:29,182 - Now! - Just wait a minute! 417 00:26:29,258 --> 00:26:32,706 What's going on here, Mr. Plunkett? 418 00:26:32,778 --> 00:26:36,226 So we told a lie. 419 00:26:36,298 --> 00:26:38,981 Everyone lies once in a while. 420 00:26:39,050 --> 00:26:40,960 So Katie isn't a ghost... 421 00:26:41,034 --> 00:26:43,489 and Julia still has her head on... 422 00:26:43,562 --> 00:26:45,766 and Eamon isn't a mummy... 423 00:26:45,834 --> 00:26:49,249 and the castle isn't haunted, but what of that? 424 00:26:49,322 --> 00:26:52,072 What you have to ask yourselves is... 425 00:26:52,138 --> 00:26:55,935 why did we do it? 426 00:26:56,010 --> 00:26:59,490 We did it because we love this place. 427 00:27:01,482 --> 00:27:04,711 Every little worm-eaten brick... 428 00:27:04,778 --> 00:27:07,877 every little rotting nook and cranny. 429 00:27:07,946 --> 00:27:13,510 Why should you Americans care if I lose my home? 430 00:27:13,578 --> 00:27:16,426 Castle Plunkett. 431 00:27:16,490 --> 00:27:21,029 And the villagers lose their only means of employment? 432 00:27:21,098 --> 00:27:22,211 Thank you, Katie. 433 00:27:23,626 --> 00:27:27,881 Jack, let's go to bed. 434 00:27:27,946 --> 00:27:29,986 - I care, Mr. Plunkett. - What? 435 00:27:30,058 --> 00:27:32,032 I care. 436 00:27:32,106 --> 00:27:36,165 Jim Brogan is my father-in-law, so I'm involved in this. 437 00:27:36,234 --> 00:27:39,649 You're Jim Brogan's daughter? 438 00:27:42,025 --> 00:27:47,590 Yes, my name's Brogan. 439 00:27:47,658 --> 00:27:49,185 I might as well tell you... 440 00:27:49,258 --> 00:27:51,112 that there won't be any extensions on your mortgage. 441 00:27:51,178 --> 00:27:52,454 I mean, not after tonight's performance. 442 00:27:52,522 --> 00:27:53,602 I don't believe this. 443 00:27:53,674 --> 00:27:55,397 Daddy asked me to check it out. 444 00:27:55,465 --> 00:27:58,433 I mean, this ghost business was too ridiculous. 445 00:27:58,506 --> 00:28:02,215 So you came to sabotage us? 446 00:28:02,282 --> 00:28:04,224 You did perfectly all right all by yourself. 447 00:28:04,298 --> 00:28:06,819 I didn't have to lift a finger. 448 00:28:09,674 --> 00:28:13,536 Jack, are you coming? 449 00:28:22,986 --> 00:28:26,335 Look, I don't know what to say. 450 00:28:27,594 --> 00:28:31,424 I didn't know. 451 00:28:31,497 --> 00:28:33,832 I didn't. 452 00:28:33,898 --> 00:28:36,745 For what it's worth, I think this place is great. 453 00:28:39,722 --> 00:28:41,151 You're the ghost in the bedroom. 454 00:28:43,721 --> 00:28:46,591 You were the banshee on the luggage rack. 455 00:28:56,298 --> 00:28:59,397 Sharon, hey, wait a minute! 456 00:28:59,466 --> 00:29:01,092 Daddy wants this place. He's always wanted it. 457 00:29:01,162 --> 00:29:02,568 He was born here. He hates the Plunketts. 458 00:29:02,634 --> 00:29:03,714 Why? 459 00:29:03,785 --> 00:29:06,152 Why not? Daddy hates most people. 460 00:29:06,218 --> 00:29:07,647 So you lied to me. 461 00:29:07,721 --> 00:29:09,925 You used our second honeymoon for Daddy. 462 00:29:09,993 --> 00:29:12,066 Jack, it's business. 463 00:29:12,138 --> 00:29:14,789 It's business? 464 00:29:14,858 --> 00:29:17,345 Obviously, a word you're not familiar with. 465 00:29:32,522 --> 00:29:33,635 Where are you going? 466 00:29:33,706 --> 00:29:36,073 To get drunk. 467 00:29:36,138 --> 00:29:39,683 I don't want you to lose your castle. 468 00:29:39,753 --> 00:29:42,503 Not to my father-in-law, he's a son of a bitch. 469 00:29:42,570 --> 00:29:45,188 Oh, my dear fellow, you're too kind. 470 00:29:45,258 --> 00:29:47,779 He's an unlovely combination... 471 00:29:47,850 --> 00:29:51,810 of a son of a bitch and a rat's knackers. 472 00:29:51,881 --> 00:29:53,791 What's a rat's knackers? 473 00:29:53,866 --> 00:29:59,582 It's an unholy trinity of a muckraker, a gobshite... 474 00:29:59,658 --> 00:30:02,244 and a hoor's melt. 475 00:30:04,138 --> 00:30:06,953 The guy's a dick. 476 00:30:07,018 --> 00:30:08,294 In a word. 477 00:30:08,361 --> 00:30:10,783 Would you like a drink? 478 00:30:10,858 --> 00:30:12,232 I thought I had one. 479 00:30:12,297 --> 00:30:14,850 I mean a real drink. 480 00:30:40,170 --> 00:30:42,242 Upsy-daisy. 481 00:30:52,554 --> 00:30:56,864 My father's brew. 482 00:31:14,474 --> 00:31:15,816 Oh, perfect. 483 00:31:15,882 --> 00:31:18,249 Look at the bad side... 484 00:31:18,314 --> 00:31:20,386 gotta look at the good side. 485 00:31:20,457 --> 00:31:21,406 There's constantly... 486 00:31:21,482 --> 00:31:24,067 There's two sides to every story. 487 00:31:29,994 --> 00:31:32,645 The milk of human kindness, Sharon. 488 00:31:32,714 --> 00:31:35,714 Three little words, every once in a while. 489 00:31:35,786 --> 00:31:37,990 Doesn't cost anything. 490 00:31:38,058 --> 00:31:41,189 '"I love you." 491 00:31:43,401 --> 00:31:46,401 Oh, shit. Wrong room. 492 00:31:48,426 --> 00:31:51,143 Our room's not this nice. 493 00:32:15,914 --> 00:32:18,248 - No, Martin! - It's not what you think. 494 00:32:18,313 --> 00:32:20,069 Oh, no, Martin. No! 495 00:32:20,137 --> 00:32:22,079 I know you. 496 00:32:22,153 --> 00:32:24,193 You're the girl in the painting! 497 00:32:24,265 --> 00:32:26,785 - So, you wee harlot. - No, Martin! 498 00:32:26,857 --> 00:32:29,345 You're the one in the painting. 499 00:32:29,418 --> 00:32:31,044 You'll tup with no one! Come here, lovey! 500 00:32:31,114 --> 00:32:32,358 Who's this guy? 501 00:32:32,426 --> 00:32:35,044 You're a great act. Real bruises, too, huh? 502 00:32:35,114 --> 00:32:36,194 Wow, that's great. 503 00:32:36,266 --> 00:32:38,437 Hey, pal, you should've done this earlier. 504 00:32:38,506 --> 00:32:39,815 I think you could've saved the place. 505 00:32:39,881 --> 00:32:41,255 Where is he? 506 00:32:42,346 --> 00:32:43,688 Martin, there's no one! 507 00:32:43,754 --> 00:32:45,609 Great outfits. 508 00:32:45,674 --> 00:32:46,918 Martin, there's no one! 509 00:32:47,913 --> 00:32:49,920 Looks real! 510 00:32:49,993 --> 00:32:51,749 Martin, there's no one! 511 00:32:51,817 --> 00:32:53,312 Looks a little rough, but real. 512 00:32:53,385 --> 00:32:54,531 Why don't I believe ya? 513 00:33:02,921 --> 00:33:04,928 This is so disgusting. 514 00:33:13,322 --> 00:33:16,966 Oh, Lord, she wouldn't die, not with a lie on her lips. 515 00:33:17,033 --> 00:33:20,132 Oh, God, what have I done? 516 00:33:20,201 --> 00:33:21,346 You killed her. 517 00:33:21,417 --> 00:33:22,628 Oh, Lord, what have I done? 518 00:33:22,698 --> 00:33:24,104 I told you, you killed her. 519 00:33:24,170 --> 00:33:26,112 Mary. 520 00:33:26,186 --> 00:33:27,396 Oh, Lord, what have I done? 521 00:33:27,466 --> 00:33:29,887 What did you do? She's a mess! 522 00:33:48,426 --> 00:33:51,328 There's a trap door down here. 523 00:34:01,162 --> 00:34:02,274 Oh, no, Martin! 524 00:34:06,378 --> 00:34:07,905 So, you wee harlot. 525 00:34:07,978 --> 00:34:09,571 No, Martin. No! 526 00:34:09,641 --> 00:34:10,951 Duck! 527 00:34:11,018 --> 00:34:13,385 You won't tup with me, huh? 528 00:34:13,449 --> 00:34:14,530 Please, no! 529 00:34:14,601 --> 00:34:17,219 The party's over, all right? 530 00:34:17,290 --> 00:34:18,915 Take your hands off the girl... 531 00:34:18,985 --> 00:34:21,505 or you're gonna be... OK, pal! 532 00:34:21,578 --> 00:34:24,033 Where is he? 533 00:34:24,106 --> 00:34:25,960 All right! Where is he? 534 00:34:26,025 --> 00:34:27,553 Martin, there's no one. 535 00:34:27,625 --> 00:34:30,112 Wait a minute, wait. 536 00:34:30,185 --> 00:34:32,072 What are you doing? She's a beautiful woman. 537 00:34:32,138 --> 00:34:34,080 That's a beautiful woman! 538 00:34:34,154 --> 00:34:35,266 Martin, there's no one! 539 00:34:35,337 --> 00:34:36,449 Then, why don't I believe ya? 540 00:34:42,121 --> 00:34:43,616 I'm hit. 541 00:34:46,056 --> 00:34:47,967 Oh, God. 542 00:34:50,056 --> 00:34:52,032 You dirty rotten... 543 00:34:52,105 --> 00:34:55,170 Mary? 544 00:34:55,241 --> 00:34:56,833 No, he missed me. 545 00:34:56,905 --> 00:35:03,332 Oh, Lord, she wouldn't die, not with a lie on her lips. 546 00:35:03,402 --> 00:35:05,190 Oh, Lord, what have I done? 547 00:35:05,257 --> 00:35:07,232 Oh, God, what have I done? 548 00:35:12,233 --> 00:35:13,346 Who are you guys? 549 00:35:15,305 --> 00:35:16,614 I'm Mary Plunkett. 550 00:35:18,314 --> 00:35:20,354 Wait a minute. 551 00:35:20,425 --> 00:35:23,109 This is an act. 552 00:35:26,121 --> 00:35:28,991 This is an act. Right? 553 00:35:32,201 --> 00:35:33,663 How can I thank you? 554 00:35:33,738 --> 00:35:35,265 For what? 555 00:35:35,338 --> 00:35:37,476 For your selflessness. 556 00:35:37,545 --> 00:35:43,688 I didn't do... I don't... 557 00:35:43,753 --> 00:35:45,095 How can I thank you? 558 00:35:45,161 --> 00:35:50,180 You're so beautiful. 559 00:35:50,250 --> 00:35:51,908 How can I thank you? 560 00:35:51,978 --> 00:35:54,727 Thank you. 561 00:35:54,794 --> 00:35:56,004 Don't go. 562 00:35:56,073 --> 00:35:57,731 Why do you have to go? 563 00:36:11,945 --> 00:36:13,887 I don't feel good. 564 00:36:38,985 --> 00:36:42,662 Sharon, I think I'm going crazy. 565 00:36:42,729 --> 00:36:45,763 I gotta know. Did you... 566 00:36:49,641 --> 00:36:51,648 Did you ever love me? 567 00:37:01,802 --> 00:37:05,315 Let's see if those pills really work. 568 00:37:11,305 --> 00:37:13,607 You've had a good life. 569 00:37:33,001 --> 00:37:36,100 Oh, God. 570 00:37:50,058 --> 00:37:52,392 You. 571 00:37:52,457 --> 00:37:54,846 You are... 572 00:38:15,625 --> 00:38:17,632 Good morning, darling. 573 00:38:17,705 --> 00:38:19,592 Good morning, Lavinia. 574 00:38:19,658 --> 00:38:23,203 Well, our son is an idiot. 575 00:38:23,273 --> 00:38:25,128 We've known that for years. 576 00:38:25,193 --> 00:38:28,390 Haven't we, darling? 577 00:38:28,458 --> 00:38:31,175 Well, this time, he has surpassed himself. 578 00:38:31,241 --> 00:38:32,801 The ghosts are furious. 579 00:38:32,873 --> 00:38:33,953 Why? 580 00:38:34,025 --> 00:38:36,196 Well, they've heard that that Jim Brogan fellow... 581 00:38:36,265 --> 00:38:38,153 is going to move the castle to Malibu. 582 00:38:38,217 --> 00:38:40,039 How nice. 583 00:38:40,105 --> 00:38:45,507 All that sunshine, and all those movies stars. 584 00:38:45,578 --> 00:38:48,807 No respectable ghost would live in California. 585 00:38:48,873 --> 00:38:51,873 Besides, they're Irish. What would they do there? 586 00:38:51,946 --> 00:38:53,855 Oh, if only I hadn't died. 587 00:38:53,929 --> 00:38:55,271 None of this would ever have happened. 588 00:38:55,338 --> 00:38:57,858 Well, you did die, didn't you, darling? 589 00:38:57,929 --> 00:38:59,271 So, what are we gonna do about it? 590 00:38:59,337 --> 00:39:03,428 Out of my hands. They won't listen to me. 591 00:39:03,497 --> 00:39:04,871 They're going to give those Americans... 592 00:39:04,938 --> 00:39:06,367 exactly what they came here for. 593 00:39:06,441 --> 00:39:09,092 Serve 'em right. 594 00:39:13,737 --> 00:39:15,111 I'm dead. 595 00:39:17,833 --> 00:39:19,905 So, this is what it feels like. 596 00:39:25,129 --> 00:39:27,398 Like a hangover. 597 00:39:29,513 --> 00:39:31,368 Peter? 598 00:39:31,433 --> 00:39:33,091 Peter, wake up. 599 00:39:34,953 --> 00:39:36,960 The Yanks are leaving. 600 00:39:37,033 --> 00:39:38,494 Really? 601 00:39:48,617 --> 00:39:53,124 As long as I'm dead, I might as well tell you. 602 00:39:53,193 --> 00:39:57,448 You've got all the warmth of a penguin on an iceberg. 603 00:40:01,353 --> 00:40:02,466 You're a dwarf. 604 00:40:02,538 --> 00:40:05,920 You'd better clean those choppers real good... 605 00:40:05,993 --> 00:40:08,895 so you can chew up the next jerk who comes along. 606 00:40:10,570 --> 00:40:11,715 I'm not dead? 607 00:40:11,785 --> 00:40:12,897 No, but if I were you... 608 00:40:12,969 --> 00:40:14,627 I wouldn't make any long-range plans. 609 00:40:14,697 --> 00:40:18,439 Great, Jack. Now I've got a massive migraine coming on. 610 00:40:18,505 --> 00:40:20,577 My B-complex level is rock bottom. 611 00:40:20,649 --> 00:40:23,202 Sharon, look... 612 00:40:23,273 --> 00:40:25,280 Let me see that. 613 00:40:25,353 --> 00:40:28,223 Sharon, I think... 614 00:40:28,297 --> 00:40:29,726 Get packed, Jack. 615 00:40:29,801 --> 00:40:32,768 Sharon, you took a Valium. 616 00:40:34,537 --> 00:40:36,359 Wrong pills. 617 00:40:38,921 --> 00:40:40,895 What did you have for your breakfast, little boy? 618 00:40:40,969 --> 00:40:43,238 Some tan fish. 619 00:40:43,305 --> 00:40:45,411 That was a nice change. 620 00:40:45,481 --> 00:40:49,791 I said this place is a nightmare, Daddy! 621 00:40:49,865 --> 00:40:53,029 Of course, I sound strange. I'm depressed. 622 00:40:53,097 --> 00:40:54,952 Everybody hates me. 623 00:40:55,017 --> 00:40:57,090 And, last night, Jack slept on the floor... 624 00:40:57,161 --> 00:40:59,299 and when he woke up, he said he was dead... 625 00:40:59,369 --> 00:41:01,791 and that I was a dwarf and that I had buck teeth... 626 00:41:01,865 --> 00:41:03,272 and you know how self-conscious I am... 627 00:41:03,337 --> 00:41:05,279 about those things, this is all your fault! 628 00:41:05,353 --> 00:41:07,720 I hate you! 629 00:41:07,785 --> 00:41:11,778 Miss Crawford? Are you all right? 630 00:41:11,849 --> 00:41:16,072 Do you think that I'm colder than a penguin on an iceberg? 631 00:41:16,137 --> 00:41:17,926 Oh. Well, no. 632 00:41:17,993 --> 00:41:20,862 No, you see, actually, penguins are a lot warmer... 633 00:41:20,937 --> 00:41:23,326 than people give them credit for. 634 00:41:27,497 --> 00:41:28,741 How dare you! 635 00:41:32,457 --> 00:41:35,075 I didn't... don't tell my wife. 636 00:41:36,618 --> 00:41:40,414 I mean, not that I did anything. 637 00:41:40,489 --> 00:41:44,231 Do you hear me, Sharon? Sharon, get on this phone! 638 00:41:45,513 --> 00:41:48,993 Will you talk to me, Sharon? 639 00:42:25,833 --> 00:42:29,029 You're real. I mean, you're not. 640 00:42:29,097 --> 00:42:32,512 You're a real ghost. 641 00:42:47,593 --> 00:42:50,114 I have to thank you for what you did last night. 642 00:42:50,185 --> 00:42:52,551 It was nothing. 643 00:42:52,617 --> 00:42:53,762 What did I do? 644 00:42:53,833 --> 00:42:57,510 You gave me my first moment of peace in near 200 years. 645 00:42:57,577 --> 00:42:59,813 I'll be in your debt for eternity, sir. 646 00:42:59,881 --> 00:43:02,500 It was nothing, and you don't have to call me sir. 647 00:43:02,569 --> 00:43:03,681 What can I call ya? 648 00:43:09,161 --> 00:43:10,590 Thank you, Sir Jack. 649 00:43:10,665 --> 00:43:12,290 It's on me. 650 00:43:16,713 --> 00:43:18,949 - Lovely dress. - My wedding dress. 651 00:43:19,017 --> 00:43:22,051 Today is my wedding day. 652 00:43:22,121 --> 00:43:24,160 Tonight, he'll murder me. 653 00:43:24,233 --> 00:43:25,989 You get murdered every night? 654 00:43:26,057 --> 00:43:29,286 Every night until last night. 655 00:43:29,353 --> 00:43:30,782 What about tonight? 656 00:43:30,857 --> 00:43:33,192 That depends on you. 657 00:43:33,257 --> 00:43:34,533 Why me? 658 00:43:34,601 --> 00:43:38,212 Your love broke the chain, crossed the boundaries... 659 00:43:38,281 --> 00:43:40,518 Oh, my God, hold on! You can't depend on me! 660 00:43:40,585 --> 00:43:42,887 Nobody can depend on me. My wife would never understand... 661 00:43:42,953 --> 00:43:44,993 Ah, twasn't love, then. 662 00:43:45,065 --> 00:43:47,039 Mary, we hardly know each other. 663 00:43:52,457 --> 00:43:53,635 Look, I gotta go! 664 00:43:53,705 --> 00:43:56,454 - Don't go, Jack! - I gotta, I just... look... 665 00:43:56,521 --> 00:43:58,147 You want to forget me. 666 00:43:58,217 --> 00:43:59,908 I don't know what I want! 667 00:43:59,977 --> 00:44:01,286 I just don't... 668 00:44:21,001 --> 00:44:24,099 What the heck? 669 00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:50,757 He's flying! Look at him! 670 00:44:52,937 --> 00:44:54,049 Me roof! 671 00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:06,269 Jesus Christ! 672 00:45:08,393 --> 00:45:12,648 So all the snakes weren't driven out of Ireland. 673 00:45:12,713 --> 00:45:15,364 - What? - The snakes! 674 00:45:45,897 --> 00:45:51,527 "To die; to sleep no more; and by a sleep to say we end..." 675 00:45:51,593 --> 00:45:53,862 Peter! They changed their minds! They're staying! 676 00:46:00,009 --> 00:46:01,897 There is a God. 677 00:46:08,041 --> 00:46:14,468 Hey, would your name conceivably be Jack? 678 00:46:27,529 --> 00:46:30,725 Welcome back, dear guests! 679 00:46:30,792 --> 00:46:33,181 Let me be the first to apologize... 680 00:46:33,257 --> 00:46:35,232 for our temperamental Irish weather. 681 00:46:35,305 --> 00:46:36,930 Shut up, Plunkett. Call us a cab. 682 00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:38,527 Certainly, Mr. Clay. Immediately. 683 00:46:43,464 --> 00:46:47,174 Deepest regrets, the phones are dead. 684 00:46:47,241 --> 00:46:49,281 The storm must've knocked them out. 685 00:46:54,792 --> 00:46:58,088 So, we're all together for one more night. 686 00:46:58,153 --> 00:47:02,430 It seems that we're becoming one big, happy family. 687 00:47:02,505 --> 00:47:04,644 Sorry, Mr. P. 688 00:47:07,561 --> 00:47:08,706 Plunkett! 689 00:47:08,777 --> 00:47:11,265 I'd rather walk into town in this suit of armor... 690 00:47:11,337 --> 00:47:12,864 and spend a night in a stable... 691 00:47:12,937 --> 00:47:15,424 than to spend one more second in this hell hole! 692 00:47:15,497 --> 00:47:18,912 Marge! Children! We're leaving! 693 00:47:21,833 --> 00:47:24,199 Malcolm! 694 00:47:31,049 --> 00:47:33,285 Oh, my God! 695 00:47:33,353 --> 00:47:36,070 Malcolm! 696 00:47:37,673 --> 00:47:40,040 Oh, God! 697 00:47:40,104 --> 00:47:42,243 Malcolm, can you hear me? 698 00:47:44,808 --> 00:47:46,947 Oh, please, let him be all right. 699 00:47:47,017 --> 00:47:48,806 Oh, dear God. 700 00:47:51,784 --> 00:47:55,461 Plunkett, this is your doing! 701 00:47:55,528 --> 00:47:56,608 Darling? 702 00:47:56,680 --> 00:48:00,292 Yes, I think we could stay one more night. 703 00:48:00,361 --> 00:48:02,248 Sweet Mother Mary... 704 00:48:02,313 --> 00:48:04,036 Saint Brigid... 705 00:48:04,104 --> 00:48:05,478 please don't let me marry him. 706 00:48:05,545 --> 00:48:06,789 Please release me. 707 00:48:06,857 --> 00:48:11,013 I don't love Martin, and I never will. 708 00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,862 Sweet Mother Mary, Saint Brigid... 709 00:48:13,929 --> 00:48:16,296 please don't let me marry him. 710 00:48:16,361 --> 00:48:17,855 Please release me. 711 00:48:17,929 --> 00:48:19,173 I don't love Martin. 712 00:48:22,633 --> 00:48:24,967 Sweet Mother Mary, Saint Brigid... 713 00:48:26,088 --> 00:48:27,397 please don't let me marry him. 714 00:48:27,464 --> 00:48:28,577 Please release me. 715 00:48:30,505 --> 00:48:31,617 Sweet Mother Mary... 716 00:48:34,697 --> 00:48:37,118 Sweet Jesus, what happened to you? 717 00:48:37,193 --> 00:48:39,015 I ran into a little wind. 718 00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:40,160 Oh, dear. 719 00:48:40,232 --> 00:48:43,102 That would be the spirits in the castle. 720 00:48:43,176 --> 00:48:45,282 Sorry. 721 00:48:45,353 --> 00:48:47,109 What are you doing? 722 00:48:47,177 --> 00:48:48,965 I'm praying to Saint Brigid... 723 00:48:49,032 --> 00:48:50,942 to release me from me marriage vows. 724 00:48:51,017 --> 00:48:53,734 Look, this is too psychotic for me. 725 00:48:53,801 --> 00:48:55,841 - I mean, look... - Saint Brigid... 726 00:48:55,912 --> 00:48:57,603 I mean, I'm as up for a good nervous breakdown... 727 00:48:57,672 --> 00:49:00,389 as anybody, really, but this is too much. 728 00:49:00,456 --> 00:49:01,536 I mean, I get here yesterday... 729 00:49:01,608 --> 00:49:03,496 my marriage collapses, then I save a ghost... 730 00:49:03,561 --> 00:49:04,870 from being murdered by another ghost. 731 00:49:04,937 --> 00:49:07,620 Now, if you think about it, that makes no sense at all. 732 00:49:07,689 --> 00:49:10,078 Then I fly through the air, hit a tree... 733 00:49:10,152 --> 00:49:14,211 and Renaldo the talking horse here... 734 00:49:14,281 --> 00:49:17,827 leads me to... - 735 00:49:17,897 --> 00:49:21,246 to the most beautiful... 736 00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:22,946 ghost that I've ever seen in my... 737 00:49:26,664 --> 00:49:31,334 Last night, when you took Martin's sword in my stead... 738 00:49:31,401 --> 00:49:36,223 you broke the cursed chain that has bound me for 200 years. 739 00:49:36,297 --> 00:49:37,890 What cursed chain? 740 00:49:37,961 --> 00:49:42,979 Me marriage to Martin Brogan was arranged by me father. 741 00:49:43,048 --> 00:49:44,357 I did not love him. 742 00:49:44,425 --> 00:49:49,247 He had warts, and his feet stank. 743 00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:54,055 On my wedding night, I refused to be tupped by him. 744 00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:57,503 - Tupped? - Tupped. 745 00:50:00,168 --> 00:50:01,542 I get it. 746 00:50:01,609 --> 00:50:03,070 Go on. 747 00:50:03,144 --> 00:50:07,966 He thought I loved another... though I did not. 748 00:50:08,041 --> 00:50:13,791 And in a jealous fury, he did me to death! 749 00:50:13,864 --> 00:50:18,272 Now, every day for me is the same. 750 00:50:19,945 --> 00:50:23,523 If I get murdered one more time, I'll scream. 751 00:50:23,593 --> 00:50:25,480 Who'd want to be a ghost? 752 00:50:25,544 --> 00:50:27,552 We are what we are. 753 00:50:29,449 --> 00:50:32,448 So... this Marty stank? 754 00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:35,652 Aye, and he squished. 755 00:50:35,721 --> 00:50:37,346 He squished? 756 00:50:37,416 --> 00:50:38,725 Squished. 757 00:50:38,793 --> 00:50:40,549 Oh, he squished! 758 00:50:40,617 --> 00:50:42,373 God... 759 00:50:44,584 --> 00:50:48,927 Could you love a man who belched but didn't squish? 760 00:50:50,504 --> 00:50:53,254 I could love you, Sir Jack. 761 00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:56,320 If you loved me, the miracle could happen. 762 00:50:59,848 --> 00:51:01,703 I can't. 763 00:51:01,768 --> 00:51:03,426 I cannot do this. I am married. 764 00:51:03,496 --> 00:51:05,885 Then you don't love me. 765 00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:09,441 - I didn't say that. - Then I am doomed forever. 766 00:51:09,513 --> 00:51:14,401 Even now Martin dons his garments, sharpens his knife. 767 00:51:14,473 --> 00:51:16,327 Good-bye, Sir Jack. 768 00:51:16,393 --> 00:51:18,694 Look, you're a ghost. I'm an American. 769 00:51:18,761 --> 00:51:19,971 It would never work out. 770 00:51:20,041 --> 00:51:22,529 Sweet Mother Mary. Saint Colum... 771 00:51:22,601 --> 00:51:25,535 Mary, look, I don't want you to get murdered again. 772 00:51:25,608 --> 00:51:29,154 It's just that my wife... if she found out, she'd murder me! 773 00:51:39,272 --> 00:51:41,028 Jack, is that you? 774 00:51:43,496 --> 00:51:46,496 God, I don't know what happened to me, but I feel zonked. 775 00:51:46,569 --> 00:51:50,824 I've got pains all over my body. Could you rub my back? 776 00:51:50,888 --> 00:51:53,441 Well, go on, Jack. I won't bite. 777 00:51:59,145 --> 00:52:01,665 Jack, you never did it like that before. 778 00:52:03,144 --> 00:52:04,606 Saint Patrick. 779 00:52:07,081 --> 00:52:08,903 Saint Jude. 780 00:52:11,048 --> 00:52:12,477 Saint Columcille. 781 00:52:14,120 --> 00:52:16,259 Saint Hocks McGorrick. 782 00:52:20,648 --> 00:52:22,503 Honey! What... 783 00:52:24,392 --> 00:52:26,051 Honey, what is it? 784 00:52:26,121 --> 00:52:28,968 Where have you been? There was a man in my bathtub! 785 00:52:29,032 --> 00:52:30,690 A big giant man, gigantic... 786 00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:32,670 and he's scrubbing my back, and it felt good! 787 00:52:32,745 --> 00:52:34,206 I should've known it wasn't you! 788 00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:35,654 He had warts all over his hands! 789 00:52:35,721 --> 00:52:37,444 Yeah, with warts. Yeah, that's Martin. 790 00:52:37,512 --> 00:52:38,941 - Who's Martin? - He's a ghost. 791 00:52:39,017 --> 00:52:40,610 - He's a what? - He's a ghost. 792 00:52:40,681 --> 00:52:42,568 He murders his wife every night. Other than that... 793 00:52:42,632 --> 00:52:43,876 I think he's pretty harmless, sweetheart. 794 00:52:43,944 --> 00:52:45,057 - Get out! - Honey, l... 795 00:52:45,129 --> 00:52:46,339 Sweetheart, look... 796 00:52:46,408 --> 00:52:48,350 Honey, you're... Honey, really... 797 00:52:48,424 --> 00:52:50,791 You don't understand. 798 00:52:50,856 --> 00:52:52,067 Honey, we've gotta talk. 799 00:52:57,897 --> 00:53:00,318 Are you OK, honey? 800 00:53:00,392 --> 00:53:02,279 Do I look OK? 801 00:53:02,345 --> 00:53:04,646 Not really. 802 00:53:18,792 --> 00:53:20,319 What are you doing? 803 00:53:21,992 --> 00:53:23,716 I have to check this place out. 804 00:53:25,993 --> 00:53:28,807 Something smells very wrong here. 805 00:53:28,873 --> 00:53:30,466 Yes, it does. 806 00:53:30,536 --> 00:53:33,853 It smells like... burnt rubber. 807 00:53:33,929 --> 00:53:35,619 No, that's me. 808 00:53:39,560 --> 00:53:41,731 To right, right. To left, left. 809 00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:43,011 Do you believe this? 810 00:53:43,081 --> 00:53:44,935 Only four channels! 811 00:53:45,001 --> 00:53:46,462 Cables must be unplugged. 812 00:53:46,536 --> 00:53:48,325 There's no cable. This is it. 813 00:53:48,392 --> 00:53:50,464 I tell ya. This place sucks the big one. 814 00:53:50,536 --> 00:53:52,871 Fingers together... 815 00:53:57,032 --> 00:53:58,941 Wendy! 816 00:54:00,232 --> 00:54:01,345 Mom! 817 00:54:03,593 --> 00:54:05,316 Woody! 818 00:54:12,552 --> 00:54:13,665 Look at the TV, guys. 819 00:54:22,568 --> 00:54:25,318 You horrible little children! 820 00:54:25,384 --> 00:54:28,700 Eternity's a big commitment. You know, it's a long time. 821 00:54:28,776 --> 00:54:31,296 You gotta take things one step at a time. That's the key. 822 00:54:35,336 --> 00:54:38,118 You do love her, don't you? 823 00:54:38,184 --> 00:54:40,705 Yeah, I guess I do. I don't know. 824 00:54:40,777 --> 00:54:42,849 What's the problem then? 825 00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:43,967 She's a ghost! 826 00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:47,553 She's dead. I'm alive. 827 00:54:47,624 --> 00:54:48,966 How do you know all this? 828 00:54:49,032 --> 00:54:51,171 I'm married to one. 829 00:54:55,272 --> 00:54:59,713 Won't you join us... for a drink? 830 00:54:59,784 --> 00:55:02,850 Yeah, I could use a drink. Yeah, sure. 831 00:55:07,144 --> 00:55:09,665 Oh, dear Lord. 832 00:55:09,737 --> 00:55:12,639 I do beseech thee to help me in this... 833 00:55:12,713 --> 00:55:15,080 my hour of need. 834 00:55:15,144 --> 00:55:18,624 Oh, cleanse me of these impure thoughts I have... 835 00:55:18,696 --> 00:55:22,274 for this woman... Miranda. 836 00:55:39,176 --> 00:55:40,551 Come on! 837 00:55:47,592 --> 00:55:49,479 Oh, Lord! 838 00:55:49,545 --> 00:55:51,333 I get the message! 839 00:55:55,624 --> 00:55:57,533 Brother Tony. 840 00:56:07,689 --> 00:56:09,477 Brother Tony, are you all right? 841 00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:16,128 Brother Tony, what are you doing in the pool? 842 00:57:16,201 --> 00:57:20,292 The Lord works in mysterious ways. 843 00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:24,899 True love can move mountains. 844 00:57:24,968 --> 00:57:28,132 Yeah, but it can't bring the dead back to life. 845 00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:31,713 Yes, it can, on All Hallows' Eve. 846 00:57:31,784 --> 00:57:34,402 Halloween. That's tomorrow night. 847 00:57:34,472 --> 00:57:38,247 When the spirit moves, and the flesh is willing... 848 00:57:38,312 --> 00:57:44,193 and the juices flow, and the skelping is mighty. 849 00:57:44,264 --> 00:57:45,758 What's skelping? 850 00:57:45,832 --> 00:57:48,320 It's a ghost term. 851 00:57:49,992 --> 00:57:51,519 But it's dangerous. 852 00:57:51,592 --> 00:57:53,828 You mustn't go too far. 853 00:57:53,897 --> 00:57:55,653 What do you mean? 854 00:58:29,384 --> 00:58:31,872 - Oh, it's you! - Whom were you expecting? 855 00:58:31,944 --> 00:58:33,983 Plunkett, those fake ghosts were one thing... 856 00:58:34,056 --> 00:58:35,333 This is entirely different, isn't it? 857 00:58:35,400 --> 00:58:36,807 Is there something wrong with your room? 858 00:58:36,872 --> 00:58:38,279 Something wrong with my room? 859 00:58:38,344 --> 00:58:39,905 What are you talking about, ghosts? 860 00:58:39,976 --> 00:58:41,864 - The brochure... - Damn the brochure! 861 00:58:41,928 --> 00:58:44,295 We're talking real, live spirits here! 862 00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:46,335 - How can you explain this? - The weather. 863 00:58:46,408 --> 00:58:48,710 Oh, come off it, will you? 864 00:58:48,776 --> 00:58:51,776 Don't you understand? He wants us here. 865 00:58:51,848 --> 00:58:54,750 He knows it's the only way he can keep this dump. 866 00:58:54,824 --> 00:58:56,351 I don't know about the rest of you... 867 00:58:56,424 --> 00:59:00,166 but, Plunkett, you haven't fooled me at all. 868 00:59:00,232 --> 00:59:01,793 I've been fooled. 869 00:59:01,864 --> 00:59:03,652 - Me, too. - I've been very fooled. 870 00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:04,865 Explain this to me. 871 00:59:06,888 --> 00:59:09,059 '"A ghost may not tup with a human." 872 00:59:09,128 --> 00:59:11,976 So this means a ghost cannot make love with a human being. 873 00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:14,179 Oh, my God! 874 00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:18,149 Who's Mary? 875 00:59:19,496 --> 00:59:20,608 Who's this Mary? 876 00:59:20,680 --> 00:59:22,054 She's a woman. She's a ghost. 877 00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:24,934 Don't start this ghost stuff again. 878 00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:26,625 - She's someone I care about. - What? 879 00:59:26,696 --> 00:59:28,606 It's funny how you can care. I think I'm falling... 880 00:59:28,680 --> 00:59:29,891 Jack, don't stand there and tell me... 881 00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:31,651 that you're having an affair with a goddamn ghost. 882 00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:32,799 Well, I am! 883 00:59:32,872 --> 00:59:34,880 That's it. Your lawyer, my lawyer... 884 00:59:34,952 --> 00:59:36,228 and I hope the ghost has a lawyer... 885 00:59:36,296 --> 00:59:37,441 because I want to meet him. 886 00:59:37,512 --> 00:59:39,400 Here she is! This is Mary. 887 00:59:39,464 --> 00:59:42,311 - No, Martin! - Mary the ghost. 888 00:59:42,376 --> 00:59:43,686 So you wee harlot! 889 00:59:43,752 --> 00:59:45,213 No, Martin! 890 00:59:45,288 --> 00:59:46,630 That's Martin the ghost! 891 00:59:46,696 --> 00:59:48,638 That's the man that was in my bathtub! 892 00:59:48,712 --> 00:59:50,784 See, he's gonna come over here and throw her on the bed. 893 00:59:50,856 --> 00:59:53,191 - He's gigantic. - That's Martin the ghost. 894 00:59:53,256 --> 00:59:54,597 They're having problems in their relationship. 895 00:59:54,664 --> 00:59:56,486 No, Jack, we're having problems in our relationship. 896 00:59:56,552 --> 00:59:58,046 - Come here! - Honey... 897 00:59:58,120 --> 00:59:59,582 You gotta see this. Come on. 898 00:59:59,656 --> 01:00:04,097 He's gonna run after her and throw her against the wall. 899 01:00:04,168 --> 01:00:05,509 There's no one! 900 01:00:05,576 --> 01:00:06,885 Oh, yes, there is. My husband! 901 01:00:06,952 --> 01:00:09,472 Now he throws her over there. This is the bad part here. 902 01:00:09,544 --> 01:00:11,431 - Martin, there's no one! - Why don't I believe ya? 903 01:00:11,496 --> 01:00:13,470 - Please, don't! - Honey. 904 01:00:13,544 --> 01:00:15,268 - You can't just kick a ghost. - Did you see that? 905 01:00:15,336 --> 01:00:16,481 Now look what you did. 906 01:00:19,400 --> 01:00:21,789 Wait, Mary! 907 01:00:24,488 --> 01:00:26,276 I love you. 908 01:00:26,344 --> 01:00:27,805 I know that. 909 01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:29,702 You do? 910 01:00:29,768 --> 01:00:31,623 When did you know that? 911 01:00:31,688 --> 01:00:34,110 The minute I saw ya. 912 01:00:34,184 --> 01:00:37,861 The minute I knew I loved you... 913 01:00:37,928 --> 01:00:40,262 but your love must be true. 914 01:00:40,328 --> 01:00:41,506 It is. 915 01:00:41,576 --> 01:00:44,892 It must withstand all obstacles. 916 01:00:44,968 --> 01:00:46,430 It will. 917 01:00:46,504 --> 01:00:50,300 Oh, Mary, my darlin'. What have I done to ya? 918 01:00:50,376 --> 01:00:52,100 What have I done? 919 01:00:53,544 --> 01:00:55,431 That was a dirty trick, wasn't it? 920 01:00:55,496 --> 01:00:57,732 Hey? 921 01:00:57,800 --> 01:00:59,775 Kicking me right in the bahoggies. 922 01:00:59,848 --> 01:01:01,888 But you were gonna stab your wife with a sword, you pig. 923 01:01:01,959 --> 01:01:03,847 Shoot, that's no big thing. I do it every night. 924 01:01:03,912 --> 01:01:05,439 And I suppose watching other men's wives... 925 01:01:05,512 --> 01:01:08,229 in the bathtub is no big deal, either. 926 01:01:08,296 --> 01:01:11,013 I'm sure it's a grand thing if the wife happens to be you. 927 01:01:12,616 --> 01:01:14,526 You dirty peeping tom. 928 01:01:14,600 --> 01:01:16,901 Me name is not Thomas. It's Martin. 929 01:01:16,967 --> 01:01:21,277 Oh, Mary. I'm sorry, darlin'. 930 01:01:21,352 --> 01:01:23,240 What have I done to ya? 931 01:01:26,152 --> 01:01:27,559 Oh, God. 932 01:01:27,623 --> 01:01:28,900 Here, give us a wee scub before... 933 01:01:28,968 --> 01:01:30,495 No, not again. 934 01:01:30,568 --> 01:01:33,317 You're a wily vixen, aren't ya? 935 01:01:33,383 --> 01:01:36,198 Oh, Lord, what have I done? 936 01:01:36,263 --> 01:01:38,052 Oh, God, what have I done? 937 01:01:38,120 --> 01:01:42,627 Oh, God, what a woman. 938 01:01:42,696 --> 01:01:46,852 You're not so bad yourself. 939 01:01:50,024 --> 01:01:51,234 What's skelping? 940 01:01:51,304 --> 01:01:53,311 Skelping. 941 01:01:55,111 --> 01:01:56,934 This is skelping. 942 01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:30,942 That's nasty. 943 01:02:31,016 --> 01:02:32,325 It wasn't nice? 944 01:02:33,863 --> 01:02:35,424 It was nice. 945 01:02:35,496 --> 01:02:37,951 It was very, very nice. 946 01:02:40,264 --> 01:02:42,882 Hold on, Mary. Wait a minute. 947 01:02:42,952 --> 01:02:46,051 You can't just skelp me and leave me. 948 01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:47,843 Can't help it. 949 01:02:47,911 --> 01:02:49,570 Skelping takes a lot out of you. 950 01:02:49,640 --> 01:02:52,160 Look, Mary, l... 951 01:02:52,232 --> 01:02:56,007 I'll be in the chamber midnight tomorrow. 952 01:03:04,264 --> 01:03:08,737 So what's wrong with the Americans? 953 01:03:08,808 --> 01:03:13,063 What's wrong with these Americans? 954 01:03:13,127 --> 01:03:15,396 One night they're desperate to leave... 955 01:03:15,464 --> 01:03:18,627 the next night you can't get rid of them. 956 01:03:18,696 --> 01:03:20,899 One day they hate the whiting... 957 01:03:20,968 --> 01:03:24,644 the next day, they have to have all five courses. 958 01:03:24,712 --> 01:03:26,272 When you break your back... 959 01:03:26,344 --> 01:03:28,548 to give them the ghosts you thought they wanted... 960 01:03:28,616 --> 01:03:31,005 they scream at you, and when you throw the towel in... 961 01:03:31,080 --> 01:03:32,989 they scream even louder. 962 01:03:33,064 --> 01:03:36,031 They see spooks everywhere... 963 01:03:36,104 --> 01:03:40,447 spooks in the bathroom, spooks under the bed. 964 01:03:40,519 --> 01:03:43,334 Don't they know when the joke is over? 965 01:03:45,128 --> 01:03:47,168 They cower well enough. 966 01:03:50,536 --> 01:03:52,870 What is going on here? 967 01:03:52,936 --> 01:03:58,533 Eamon, why are chunks of masonry floating about? 968 01:04:21,608 --> 01:04:22,852 Mr. Plunkett... 969 01:04:24,167 --> 01:04:26,655 I think there's some people want to have a word with you. 970 01:04:26,728 --> 01:04:27,840 Who? 971 01:04:29,288 --> 01:04:31,655 Grand Uncle Peter. Grand Aunt Nan. 972 01:04:33,896 --> 01:04:35,652 Granny Joyce and her sister. 973 01:04:37,544 --> 01:04:39,038 Her half-sister. 974 01:04:39,112 --> 01:04:41,119 Not to mention... 975 01:04:43,400 --> 01:04:44,512 your daddy. 976 01:04:44,583 --> 01:04:46,209 But he's dead! 977 01:04:46,280 --> 01:04:48,167 I know. 978 01:04:48,232 --> 01:04:50,785 He looks terrible angry, too. 979 01:04:50,855 --> 01:04:52,644 I have a perfect right to be... 980 01:04:52,711 --> 01:04:54,948 considering what you have done to our ancestral home. 981 01:04:55,016 --> 01:04:56,292 Father! 982 01:04:59,304 --> 01:05:01,725 Let us in! 983 01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:05,793 Do you really think you could get away from me? 984 01:05:05,863 --> 01:05:08,319 Leave me alone. You're dead. 985 01:05:08,392 --> 01:05:11,206 Not so dead I can't see what a numbskull you are. 986 01:05:11,272 --> 01:05:13,410 Oh, fine! 987 01:05:13,479 --> 01:05:15,105 Call me names! 988 01:05:15,176 --> 01:05:16,517 That's so easy. 989 01:05:16,584 --> 01:05:18,918 Well, for God's sake, look at you. 990 01:05:18,983 --> 01:05:20,510 What did you ever give me this place for? 991 01:05:20,584 --> 01:05:22,689 You knew I was an incompetent. 992 01:05:22,760 --> 01:05:25,411 All I wanted to be was happily useless. 993 01:05:25,480 --> 01:05:28,382 You made me miserably useless giving me this place... 994 01:05:28,456 --> 01:05:31,619 baths to run, bills to be paid... 995 01:05:31,688 --> 01:05:35,070 and then dying on me just like that! 996 01:05:36,583 --> 01:05:38,307 Most people give some warning, you know... 997 01:05:38,376 --> 01:05:40,710 premature senility, angina, gout... 998 01:05:40,775 --> 01:05:43,841 bed-ridden for years... but not you, oh, no. 999 01:05:43,911 --> 01:05:46,759 Healthy as an old goat, you pop off one day in the orchard... 1000 01:05:46,823 --> 01:05:48,514 and what then? 1001 01:05:48,584 --> 01:05:53,123 Not a goddamn word, not a whisper. 1002 01:05:54,888 --> 01:06:00,671 Did it never occur to you that I might need some advice? 1003 01:06:00,744 --> 01:06:04,518 That I might miss you? 1004 01:06:04,584 --> 01:06:07,583 Peter, I never thought... 1005 01:06:07,655 --> 01:06:11,779 It's true... you old goat. 1006 01:06:11,847 --> 01:06:13,986 I missed you, Daddy. 1007 01:06:14,056 --> 01:06:18,529 Give your daddy a hug. 1008 01:06:28,328 --> 01:06:29,920 Sorry, Peter. 1009 01:06:34,600 --> 01:06:36,388 They will be back tonight. 1010 01:06:36,455 --> 01:06:38,343 It is All Hallows' Eve. 1011 01:06:38,408 --> 01:06:41,572 If you see anything, just ignore it completely. 1012 01:06:41,640 --> 01:06:43,266 Just pretend that it didn't happen. 1013 01:06:43,336 --> 01:06:45,539 Have you got that? 1014 01:06:54,631 --> 01:06:56,224 I don't hear anything, do you? 1015 01:07:00,488 --> 01:07:03,106 Don't you just love whiting? 1016 01:07:22,312 --> 01:07:23,905 Madam. 1017 01:07:26,023 --> 01:07:28,227 For you I missed my wedding for the first time in years... 1018 01:07:28,295 --> 01:07:29,408 that's how much I want you. 1019 01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:31,268 And sure, I know I'm a ghost... 1020 01:07:31,335 --> 01:07:34,205 and a murderer, but forget about all that. 1021 01:07:34,280 --> 01:07:36,963 Listen. Tonight's All Hallows' Eve... 1022 01:07:37,031 --> 01:07:39,715 the one night in the year that I turn to flesh... 1023 01:07:39,784 --> 01:07:43,428 so what do you say to a wee bit of skelping? 1024 01:07:47,464 --> 01:07:48,990 Come on. 1025 01:07:49,063 --> 01:07:50,886 At least tell me your name. 1026 01:08:03,784 --> 01:08:05,474 Lady, I've got the best bahoggies... 1027 01:08:05,543 --> 01:08:07,715 from here to Ballinderry. 1028 01:08:07,784 --> 01:08:11,842 Come on. What do you say? Let's give it a twirl. 1029 01:08:11,911 --> 01:08:13,340 Drop dead. 1030 01:08:13,415 --> 01:08:15,782 Oh, God. What a woman. 1031 01:08:42,727 --> 01:08:48,292 '"He who tups with the spirit finds only the grave... 1032 01:08:48,359 --> 01:08:51,808 '"but the virtuous heart true love will save." 1033 01:08:53,479 --> 01:08:57,952 '"He who tups with the spirt finds only the grave... 1034 01:08:58,023 --> 01:09:02,147 '"but the virtuous heart true love will save." 1035 01:09:26,152 --> 01:09:27,581 Some whiskey over here, please. 1036 01:09:27,656 --> 01:09:29,345 Aye, the whiskey. 1037 01:09:29,415 --> 01:09:30,942 Relax, everybody. 1038 01:09:31,015 --> 01:09:32,225 Take it easy. 1039 01:09:32,295 --> 01:09:34,946 They won't come into a bar, would they? 1040 01:09:35,015 --> 01:09:36,160 They don't drink whiskey. 1041 01:09:36,231 --> 01:09:37,344 - Who? - Spirits. 1042 01:09:37,416 --> 01:09:39,969 - How the hell would I know? - The Irish ones do. 1043 01:09:40,040 --> 01:09:41,894 - He says the Irish ones do. - Don't. 1044 01:09:41,960 --> 01:09:45,189 Do they or don't they? You don't shaggin' know, do you? 1045 01:09:45,256 --> 01:09:47,711 It may be no more than a local disturbance 1046 01:09:47,783 --> 01:09:49,189 in the extraplaner ether. 1047 01:09:49,255 --> 01:09:50,399 Ether, me bollocks. 1048 01:09:50,470 --> 01:09:52,478 A supernatural belch, you know what I'm talking about? 1049 01:09:55,048 --> 01:09:57,317 Hey! Drinks all around! 1050 01:09:57,383 --> 01:10:00,100 - What's that? - It's none of it! No! 1051 01:10:00,167 --> 01:10:02,272 Where's your ectoplasm now? 1052 01:10:07,559 --> 01:10:08,868 Did you... 1053 01:10:08,935 --> 01:10:10,594 It took the hurricane. 1054 01:10:46,599 --> 01:10:48,486 What in the name of God is that? 1055 01:10:48,551 --> 01:10:50,788 Dad, it's a submarine! 1056 01:10:52,103 --> 01:10:55,583 Well, what's that shaggin' thing on top of it? 1057 01:10:55,655 --> 01:10:57,662 It's a giant squid! 1058 01:10:59,111 --> 01:11:00,388 Get off me! 1059 01:11:00,455 --> 01:11:03,903 Yea, though I walk through the valley of death... 1060 01:11:03,976 --> 01:11:06,976 I shall fear no evil for thou art with me. 1061 01:11:07,048 --> 01:11:08,454 Mom! 1062 01:11:15,559 --> 01:11:17,664 Thy rod and thy staff they will comfort me! 1063 01:11:22,631 --> 01:11:23,743 Save the child! 1064 01:11:37,031 --> 01:11:38,209 Heave! 1065 01:11:38,280 --> 01:11:39,556 Mom! 1066 01:11:41,031 --> 01:11:43,006 Heave! 1067 01:11:45,415 --> 01:11:46,560 Tug and heave! 1068 01:11:48,488 --> 01:11:50,855 - Heave! - Let's get him! 1069 01:11:57,031 --> 01:11:58,819 Mom! 1070 01:12:03,399 --> 01:12:04,511 Look! 1071 01:12:05,927 --> 01:12:07,334 She's movin' on. 1072 01:12:07,399 --> 01:12:09,374 She's movin' on 1073 01:12:10,439 --> 01:12:12,195 Thank goodness. 1074 01:12:12,263 --> 01:12:15,297 It's a bloody good thing we ignored it, huh? 1075 01:12:51,911 --> 01:12:53,318 Hello. 1076 01:12:54,535 --> 01:12:56,095 Hello. 1077 01:12:59,655 --> 01:13:03,004 Oh, God, you're real. 1078 01:13:08,263 --> 01:13:10,303 Having fun? 1079 01:13:10,375 --> 01:13:12,230 It's gotten totally out of control here. 1080 01:13:12,295 --> 01:13:14,051 I'm afraid I've been with my family. 1081 01:13:14,119 --> 01:13:15,942 Is the roof leaking? 1082 01:13:16,007 --> 01:13:18,789 You have no idea what it was like here. 1083 01:13:20,167 --> 01:13:21,509 Did we just tup? 1084 01:13:21,575 --> 01:13:23,135 No, but it's not too far off. 1085 01:13:23,207 --> 01:13:25,280 Right. 1086 01:13:25,351 --> 01:13:27,489 Hey, how about some champagne? 1087 01:13:27,559 --> 01:13:31,269 A little champagne to get our mind off the old you-know-what. 1088 01:13:31,335 --> 01:13:33,375 All right? 1089 01:13:33,447 --> 01:13:35,356 I usually mess this up. 1090 01:13:41,639 --> 01:13:43,614 Drink to me, only, with thine eyes... 1091 01:13:43,688 --> 01:13:46,535 and I will pledge with mine; 1092 01:13:46,599 --> 01:13:48,606 or leave a kiss within the cup... 1093 01:13:48,679 --> 01:13:51,101 and I'll not ask for wine. 1094 01:13:51,175 --> 01:13:54,241 That was so beautiful. Who wrote it? 1095 01:13:54,311 --> 01:13:56,133 Ben Johnson. 1096 01:13:56,199 --> 01:13:59,396 Ben Johnson. 1097 01:14:00,711 --> 01:14:04,868 You know, whenever I hear Ben's material... 1098 01:14:04,935 --> 01:14:07,969 it just makes me think about you-know-what. 1099 01:14:08,039 --> 01:14:11,651 I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. 1100 01:14:11,719 --> 01:14:13,661 - Quote me something. - Quote? 1101 01:14:13,735 --> 01:14:15,012 Anything to keep our minds off... 1102 01:14:15,079 --> 01:14:18,046 You-know-what. Right, a quote. 1103 01:14:21,607 --> 01:14:24,902 There ain't nothin' in the world like a big-eyed girl... 1104 01:14:24,968 --> 01:14:28,994 to make me act so funny, make me spend my money. 1105 01:14:29,063 --> 01:14:33,023 Makes me feel real loose, like a long-necked goose. 1106 01:14:35,015 --> 01:14:36,903 Oh, baby, that's what I like. 1107 01:14:38,791 --> 01:14:40,613 That's so... 1108 01:14:40,679 --> 01:14:41,857 Who wrote that? 1109 01:14:41,927 --> 01:14:43,651 The Big Bopper. 1110 01:14:43,719 --> 01:14:45,060 Maybe you know him. He's dead, too. 1111 01:14:47,175 --> 01:14:48,669 Are you sure they're gone? 1112 01:14:48,743 --> 01:14:51,907 - Everyone, stay behind me. - Stay behind him. 1113 01:14:51,975 --> 01:14:53,982 I have to check this place out. 1114 01:14:54,055 --> 01:14:56,160 Every inch of it... castle, grounds. 1115 01:14:56,231 --> 01:14:58,849 - It's kind of scary... - Quiet! 1116 01:14:58,919 --> 01:15:00,829 The Plunkett ancestors... 1117 01:15:00,903 --> 01:15:03,074 - Check outside. - They're rather unapproachable. 1118 01:15:13,959 --> 01:15:16,479 Sir Jack, I'm in me cups. 1119 01:15:16,551 --> 01:15:18,820 No, it's nothing. 1120 01:15:18,887 --> 01:15:20,709 I'm really drunk. 1121 01:15:22,343 --> 01:15:23,717 - No, we mustn't. - Right. 1122 01:15:23,783 --> 01:15:25,441 We should just be friends. 1123 01:15:37,927 --> 01:15:39,356 Go! 1124 01:15:42,695 --> 01:15:45,029 Halt! 1125 01:15:45,095 --> 01:15:46,437 Go! 1126 01:15:46,503 --> 01:15:47,997 How beautiful the night looks. 1127 01:15:48,071 --> 01:15:50,406 I'm having the time of my life. 1128 01:16:02,855 --> 01:16:05,921 Isn't it beautiful? 1129 01:16:05,991 --> 01:16:08,130 Not as beautiful as you. 1130 01:16:12,423 --> 01:16:13,830 Will ya hold on. 1131 01:16:13,895 --> 01:16:15,684 Listen to the paracyclist! 1132 01:16:16,775 --> 01:16:20,899 I formally declare this a spirit-free zone! 1133 01:16:25,543 --> 01:16:31,239 If you ever go across the sea to Ireland 1134 01:16:31,303 --> 01:16:36,867 Then maybe at the closing of the day 1135 01:16:46,023 --> 01:16:48,030 Oh, God. 1136 01:16:48,103 --> 01:16:49,565 I'm not tupping. 1137 01:16:50,599 --> 01:16:53,054 I'm not tupping, right? 1138 01:16:53,127 --> 01:16:55,232 This is somewhere... 1139 01:16:55,303 --> 01:16:57,791 between a skelp and a tup, right? 1140 01:16:59,047 --> 01:17:04,230 The women in the meadow making hay 1141 01:17:04,295 --> 01:17:10,437 Just to sit beside a turf fire in the cabin 1142 01:17:10,503 --> 01:17:16,449 And watch the sun go down on Galway Bay 1143 01:17:16,519 --> 01:17:19,333 On Galway... 1144 01:17:21,415 --> 01:17:23,454 Holy God, that's my shaggin' bus! 1145 01:17:23,527 --> 01:17:25,567 It shouldn't be happenin'. 1146 01:17:27,815 --> 01:17:29,376 Somebody's brought it here. 1147 01:17:29,447 --> 01:17:31,486 Where's Jack? 1148 01:17:41,511 --> 01:17:43,005 No, Jack. 1149 01:17:43,079 --> 01:17:44,388 - OK. - Stop. 1150 01:17:44,455 --> 01:17:46,211 We mustn't. 1151 01:17:46,279 --> 01:17:47,740 - We can't! - We can't. 1152 01:17:47,815 --> 01:17:49,506 - It's not right. - I know. 1153 01:17:49,575 --> 01:17:50,785 Oh, that's nice. 1154 01:17:50,855 --> 01:17:52,677 Yeah... I mean... 1155 01:17:52,743 --> 01:17:55,132 - No, stop! - All right. 1156 01:17:55,207 --> 01:17:57,596 Don't listen to me, Jack. Go on. 1157 01:18:01,511 --> 01:18:03,966 Sharon, I love thee! 1158 01:18:04,039 --> 01:18:06,243 And tonight's the holy night! 1159 01:18:06,311 --> 01:18:09,660 Oh, Sharon, I love thee! 1160 01:18:09,735 --> 01:18:11,709 No, Jack! Remember our promise? 1161 01:18:12,775 --> 01:18:14,662 We can't. 1162 01:18:14,727 --> 01:18:16,417 A little to the right. 1163 01:18:16,486 --> 01:18:17,664 - There? - That's good. 1164 01:18:18,663 --> 01:18:20,637 You for me. 1165 01:18:20,711 --> 01:18:23,166 Come here, me lovely dearie. Come here to me! 1166 01:18:25,191 --> 01:18:26,303 Where are ya? 1167 01:18:29,191 --> 01:18:31,046 Sharon, wait! 1168 01:18:31,111 --> 01:18:33,958 - I love you, Jack. - I love you, Mary. 1169 01:18:50,599 --> 01:18:53,566 Actually, you look very like my mother. 1170 01:18:53,639 --> 01:18:55,908 Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. 1171 01:18:55,975 --> 01:18:57,982 Oh, Lord, please save this beautiful creature... 1172 01:18:58,055 --> 01:18:59,713 from these demons. 1173 01:18:59,782 --> 01:19:04,092 If a life must be taken, take mine. 1174 01:19:05,446 --> 01:19:07,007 Oh, yea, though I walk... 1175 01:19:07,079 --> 01:19:08,224 through the valley of the shadow of death. 1176 01:19:08,295 --> 01:19:09,440 Brother Tony! 1177 01:19:09,511 --> 01:19:11,104 Where are you going, Brother Tony? 1178 01:19:11,175 --> 01:19:13,990 I shall fear no evil for thou art with me! 1179 01:19:15,046 --> 01:19:18,658 My God, Jack. We shouldn't have. 1180 01:19:20,647 --> 01:19:23,942 Mary, that was something. 1181 01:19:37,990 --> 01:19:39,070 Where are you? 1182 01:19:39,142 --> 01:19:40,735 Sharon, this isn't a joke anymore. 1183 01:19:42,247 --> 01:19:44,897 Saint Hocks McGorrick, wait! 1184 01:19:56,103 --> 01:19:58,558 Mary, what's happened? 1185 01:19:58,631 --> 01:20:03,420 It's the powers, Jack. I'm 200 years old. 1186 01:20:13,127 --> 01:20:16,476 He who tups with a spirit, tups with the grave. 1187 01:20:17,607 --> 01:20:19,330 What do you mean? 1188 01:20:20,934 --> 01:20:22,309 Help me! 1189 01:20:28,775 --> 01:20:32,703 Jack, just tell me you love me. Make it all right. 1190 01:20:32,775 --> 01:20:34,335 But you're not Mary. You're a corpse. 1191 01:20:34,407 --> 01:20:36,895 Now, don't do this to me, darlin'. 1192 01:20:36,967 --> 01:20:38,560 Get away from me. 1193 01:20:38,631 --> 01:20:39,743 Help! 1194 01:20:39,815 --> 01:20:41,670 Oh, bollocks! 1195 01:20:43,079 --> 01:20:45,981 Holy Jesus! 1196 01:20:50,215 --> 01:20:52,549 - Hi, Marty. - Where's the wife? 1197 01:20:54,151 --> 01:20:55,939 Not mine, ya dolt. Yours. 1198 01:20:56,935 --> 01:20:59,324 I'm being followed by a U.F. O! 1199 01:21:00,806 --> 01:21:01,984 You can't get so excited. 1200 01:21:02,055 --> 01:21:03,135 You think I don't know what's going on? 1201 01:21:03,207 --> 01:21:06,687 - Excited? A bus... - Come here, me lovely! 1202 01:21:09,159 --> 01:21:10,468 Hey there, Mary. 1203 01:21:10,535 --> 01:21:12,444 We were just playin' around, darlin', you know? 1204 01:21:14,567 --> 01:21:16,901 You threw me over for this? 1205 01:21:19,879 --> 01:21:21,286 I mean, I knew you liked passive women, Jack... 1206 01:21:21,351 --> 01:21:22,813 but she's half-dead. 1207 01:21:22,886 --> 01:21:25,123 I hope she has a great personality, because this hurts. 1208 01:21:25,191 --> 01:21:26,718 At least she said she loved me. 1209 01:21:26,791 --> 01:21:27,968 That's a lot more than you ever did. 1210 01:21:28,038 --> 01:21:29,413 I love you, Jack. I do. 1211 01:21:29,479 --> 01:21:32,959 Ya wee harlot, I'll kill ya. 1212 01:21:33,030 --> 01:21:36,194 She's looks dead enough already. Please, don't start that. 1213 01:21:37,990 --> 01:21:39,845 Oh, Jack. Your wife's some woman. 1214 01:21:39,910 --> 01:21:41,798 So's yours. 1215 01:21:41,863 --> 01:21:43,041 So was yours. 1216 01:21:45,383 --> 01:21:46,560 Where are you going? 1217 01:21:49,799 --> 01:21:51,261 I was just kidding. 1218 01:21:51,334 --> 01:21:53,058 You were made for each other. 1219 01:21:53,127 --> 01:21:55,876 You look great. You really do. 1220 01:21:57,863 --> 01:21:59,389 Bye, Mary. 1221 01:21:59,462 --> 01:22:02,724 Sorry for the last 200 years, darlin'. 1222 01:22:02,790 --> 01:22:06,751 Jack, you said you'd love me forever. 1223 01:22:08,071 --> 01:22:09,500 I know. 1224 01:22:09,574 --> 01:22:11,003 Mary, I just... 1225 01:22:11,078 --> 01:22:13,380 You were so different then. 1226 01:22:13,447 --> 01:22:16,796 Only on the outside, Jack. 1227 01:22:16,871 --> 01:22:19,107 Inside I'm the same. 1228 01:22:19,174 --> 01:22:23,714 Yeah, I know. I know looks aren't everything. 1229 01:22:23,783 --> 01:22:24,993 I'm in here, Jack. 1230 01:22:25,063 --> 01:22:27,746 It's just that they can help so much when you... 1231 01:22:27,814 --> 01:22:30,084 - Kiss me. - Kiss you? 1232 01:22:31,111 --> 01:22:33,216 Maybe we should get some moisturizer. 1233 01:22:33,287 --> 01:22:35,359 - Kiss me, Jack. - Or some medical supervision. 1234 01:22:35,430 --> 01:22:36,991 One last time. 1235 01:22:40,615 --> 01:22:42,916 Please, Jack. 1236 01:22:51,335 --> 01:22:53,244 Stop, let me catch my breath. 1237 01:22:53,318 --> 01:22:54,845 Martin, where are you? 1238 01:22:59,334 --> 01:23:00,643 Martin, wait! 1239 01:23:00,710 --> 01:23:02,369 Don't go! 1240 01:23:06,118 --> 01:23:08,540 How the hell did you get up there? 1241 01:23:08,615 --> 01:23:10,590 No, don't go, Martin! No, wait! 1242 01:23:26,470 --> 01:23:28,739 I'm in here, love! 1243 01:23:28,806 --> 01:23:30,497 Martin, where are you? 1244 01:23:33,638 --> 01:23:36,954 Oh, Sharon, you do love me, don't ya? 1245 01:23:37,030 --> 01:23:39,518 You do love me, Sir Jack. 1246 01:23:40,870 --> 01:23:42,561 Then look at me. 1247 01:23:44,839 --> 01:23:46,977 Well, then, be with me forever. 1248 01:23:47,046 --> 01:23:48,770 Any way you want it. 1249 01:24:17,798 --> 01:24:19,205 Oh, my God. 1250 01:24:22,566 --> 01:24:25,436 What have I done? 1251 01:24:27,239 --> 01:24:29,246 You weren't meant for this. 1252 01:24:29,318 --> 01:24:31,205 I didn't want this to happen. 1253 01:24:31,271 --> 01:24:33,605 Oh, God. 1254 01:24:44,998 --> 01:24:46,908 Forever, Jack. 1255 01:25:01,031 --> 01:25:02,241 You're alive. 1256 01:25:02,310 --> 01:25:03,804 Aye. 1257 01:25:16,614 --> 01:25:19,003 What do you mean I'm dead? 1258 01:25:19,079 --> 01:25:22,854 Now, take my word for it. 1259 01:25:22,919 --> 01:25:24,512 You're just saying that... 1260 01:25:24,583 --> 01:25:26,557 so you can have your wicked way with me. 1261 01:25:26,630 --> 01:25:27,841 If you weren't dead I wouldn't be able... 1262 01:25:27,911 --> 01:25:29,154 to have my way with you. 1263 01:25:30,758 --> 01:25:32,351 This is ridiculous. 1264 01:25:40,647 --> 01:25:44,476 You can't hide from me. 1265 01:25:44,550 --> 01:25:45,924 I've got to find you. 1266 01:25:45,990 --> 01:25:47,234 That's right! 1267 01:25:49,702 --> 01:25:52,069 You can't fool me. 1268 01:25:52,134 --> 01:25:53,411 They're gone. 1269 01:25:53,479 --> 01:25:56,992 - Here, file that. - Malcolm, they're gone. 1270 01:25:57,063 --> 01:25:58,524 They're not gone. 1271 01:26:34,022 --> 01:26:35,964 Brother Tony, you forgot your collar. 1272 01:26:36,038 --> 01:26:37,794 No, he didn't. He threw it away. 1273 01:26:37,862 --> 01:26:39,651 Didn't you, baby? 1274 01:26:45,319 --> 01:26:47,141 I'm only human. 1275 01:26:49,350 --> 01:26:51,238 Here we are. 1276 01:26:51,302 --> 01:26:53,157 Mr. Plunkett, single-handedly the worst vacation... 1277 01:26:53,222 --> 01:26:54,400 that I've ever experienced in my life. 1278 01:26:54,471 --> 01:26:55,551 Thank you, Mr. Clay. 1279 01:26:55,623 --> 01:26:57,281 However, I'll be recommending Castle Plunkett... 1280 01:26:57,351 --> 01:27:00,384 as the most haunted castle in the Western Hemisphere. 1281 01:27:00,454 --> 01:27:02,243 I hope that helps you with your business. 1282 01:27:02,310 --> 01:27:04,165 - Too kind. - I second that. 1283 01:27:04,230 --> 01:27:05,408 Most gracious. 1284 01:27:10,791 --> 01:27:12,613 - Bye. - See ya. 1285 01:27:19,302 --> 01:27:21,026 They're gone, dear. 1286 01:27:30,247 --> 01:27:33,094 Come on in. I'll make you a nice fish sandwich. 1287 01:27:55,238 --> 01:27:58,206 I cannot thank you enough, Sir Jack, for deciding to stay. 1288 01:27:58,279 --> 01:28:00,482 Hey, where am I gonna go, right? 1289 01:28:00,550 --> 01:28:01,860 Listen, Mary. 1290 01:28:01,927 --> 01:28:04,098 When are you gonna stop calling me "Sir"? 1291 01:28:04,166 --> 01:28:05,955 Sorry, I can't help it. 1292 01:28:06,022 --> 01:28:08,739 Maybe when you decide to marry me. 1293 01:28:08,806 --> 01:28:10,431 Are you asking? 1294 01:28:10,502 --> 01:28:15,172 My wife's hardly dead, and it was such a horrible death. 1295 01:28:15,238 --> 01:28:16,962 Maybe we could wait a couple of centuries. 1296 01:28:22,791 --> 01:28:25,573 We booked the hall till 12:00. How about a little privacy? 1297 01:28:25,638 --> 01:28:28,420 The day is for the living, Jack. 1298 01:28:28,486 --> 01:28:30,494 The night is for the dead. 1299 01:28:32,198 --> 01:28:33,343 How's the corpse? 1300 01:28:33,414 --> 01:28:35,105 Pretty good. How's the psycho? 1301 01:28:35,175 --> 01:28:36,701 A pussycat. 1302 01:28:36,774 --> 01:28:37,952 So was the trip worth it, Jack? 1303 01:28:38,022 --> 01:28:40,804 Yeah. She thinks I'm brilliant. 1304 01:28:40,870 --> 01:28:43,740 Mary, you've put on a wee bit of flesh since I last saw ya. 1305 01:28:43,815 --> 01:28:45,603 I'm not gettin' stabbed every night, Martin. 1306 01:28:45,670 --> 01:28:47,525 Mary, it hurt me more than it hurt you. 1307 01:28:47,590 --> 01:28:49,729 Go on now with it. 1308 01:28:49,798 --> 01:28:52,100 So how's the Yank? 1309 01:28:52,166 --> 01:28:54,271 He takes me shoppin'. 1310 01:28:54,342 --> 01:28:55,935 Come here to me. 1311 01:28:56,006 --> 01:28:59,967 My love. My reason for dying. 1312 01:29:00,038 --> 01:29:03,038 How'd she ever learn to dance like that? 1313 01:29:03,111 --> 01:29:05,477 Happiness, Sir Jack. 1314 01:29:05,542 --> 01:29:08,160 Yeah, happiness.