0:00:52.584,0:00:54.133 Mr. Brogan... 0:00:54.133,0:00:56.991 I assume you've called in regard[br]to the mortgage payment... 0:00:57.013,0:00:58.985 on Castle Plunkett,[br]unfortunately still delayed... 0:00:58.985,0:01:02.484 by what seems to be[br]our endless postal strike. 0:01:03.946,0:01:06.284 Dear sir, I must[br]once again remind you... 0:01:06.284,0:01:11.668 my first name is not "Dick,"[br]nor is my last name "Face." 0:01:11.684,0:01:15.615 It is simply Peter.[br]Peter Plunkett. 0:01:15.663,0:01:18.197 No, I was not given[br]a middle name... 0:01:18.197,0:01:19.840 but had I been,[br]I feel certain... 0:01:19.840,0:01:21.448 my mother[br]would not have chosen... 0:01:21.448,0:01:25.399 '"Low-life Shit-for-brains[br]Peckerhead." 0:01:25.399,0:01:28.041 You obviously know[br]a side of Mother... 0:01:28.107,0:01:29.536 I have been happily[br]sheltered from. 0:01:29.611,0:01:32.110 Nevertheless, I marvel[br]at your colorfully creative... 0:01:32.110,0:01:33.978 ever-so-American[br]colloquialisms... 0:01:33.978,0:01:37.449 which flow so grippingly[br]from your razor like tongue. 0:01:38.626,0:01:41.160 The hotel is in[br]tiptop condition... 0:01:41.227,0:01:42.885 the renovations[br]are proceeding at a... 0:01:42.955,0:01:46.249 What? Why shouldn't I bother? 0:01:46.548,0:01:48.050 Peter, who are you calling? 0:01:48.124,0:01:51.374 Oh, Mother! Will you please[br]get off the line? 0:01:53.172,0:01:55.521 Turning the castle[br]into a theme park? 0:01:56.685,0:01:59.269 '"Irish World"? 0:01:59.347,0:02:01.486 Gee, what an interesting notion. 0:02:01.556,0:02:03.694 In where? In Malibu? 0:02:03.763,0:02:06.862 What is Malibu? 0:02:07.271,0:02:10.123 I see. You want to move[br]the castle to Malibu... 0:02:10.123,0:02:12.696 which, I am to presume,[br]lies on the western corner... 0:02:12.696,0:02:14.852 of those United States. 0:02:14.852,0:02:16.969 Mr. Brogan, if I cannot[br]send your payment... 0:02:16.969,0:02:18.550 how on earth do you expect... 0:02:18.620,0:02:20.856 to transport an entire castle[br]across the sea? 0:02:20.923,0:02:22.898 The number of stamps alone[br]is mind-boggling! 0:02:22.972,0:02:25.143 But I can assure you,[br]Mr. Brogan... 0:02:25.211,0:02:27.005 that if it goes on[br]much longer... 0:02:27.079,0:02:30.081 I will take this check[br]which I am holding in my hand... 0:02:30.055,0:02:33.057 and personally ferry it[br]across the water to England... 0:02:33.124,0:02:35.711 and mail it to you myself.[br]That's how much I care. 0:02:35.715,0:02:38.370 What postal strike? 0:02:38.435,0:02:40.290 Shut up, Mother! 0:02:42.630,0:02:44.945 I don't think[br]that kind of language... 0:02:44.945,0:02:46.766 is necessary, Mr. Brogan. 0:02:46.835,0:02:48.528 Understandable, but... 0:02:52.554,0:02:56.074 So, what you're saying... 0:02:56.074,0:02:59.812 is that if I don't come up with[br]the money in three weeks... 0:02:59.812,0:03:03.727 you will foreclose[br]and take over Castle Plunkett. 0:03:06.621,0:03:07.981 I see. 0:03:09.531,0:03:13.346 Have you heard of the quality[br]of mercy, Mr. Brogan? 0:03:15.970,0:03:18.580 You haven't read[br]your Shakespeare, Mr. Brogan. 0:03:18.870,0:03:20.278 Good-bye. 0:03:30.458,0:03:31.908 There you are! 0:03:31.908,0:03:33.374 Taking the easy way out.[br]You naughty boy! 0:03:33.603,0:03:35.266 Mother, this is not easy.[br]It is very, very difficult. 0:03:35.339,0:03:37.543 Just because you haven't got[br]a guest in the place... 0:03:37.611,0:03:39.466 you're in hock[br]to that fellow Brogan. 0:03:39.531,0:03:42.695 Your father's so worried,[br]he's tearing his hair out! 0:03:42.763,0:03:45.130 Mother, father has been dead[br]for a decade. 0:03:45.196,0:03:46.821 And what about[br]your grandmother? 0:03:46.891,0:03:48.680 How do you think she feels? 0:03:48.747,0:03:50.886 Mother,[br]grandmother is dead, too. 0:03:50.956,0:03:52.450 She's still upset. 0:03:52.524,0:03:55.077 Very well.[br]I apologize profoundly... 0:03:55.147,0:03:57.002 to the ghosts of my ancestors... 0:03:57.067,0:04:00.035 for making a mess[br]of their ancestral home. 0:04:00.108,0:04:01.188 Hold that. 0:04:01.259,0:04:03.114 I'm not gonna help you. 0:04:08.939,0:04:11.111 How many ghosts are there here? 0:04:13.419,0:04:18.120 There's Great Auntie Nana[br]and Uncle Toby... 0:04:18.187,0:04:21.089 and that nice[br]Elizabethan lady... 0:04:21.163,0:04:24.993 and the nun who was walled[br]into the closet... 0:04:25.068,0:04:28.810 and Oliver's bastard, who never[br]came out of the library. 0:04:28.875,0:04:30.053 Mother. 0:04:30.124,0:04:32.807 - What, darling?[br]- What a wonderful idea. 0:04:32.875,0:04:35.842 - What, darling?[br]- Ghosts. 0:04:35.915,0:04:37.955 Ghosts? 0:04:38.027,0:04:40.777 Ghosts. 0:04:40.843,0:04:43.428 A wonderful tourist attraction. 0:04:48.843,0:04:51.232 Katie! 0:04:51.307,0:04:53.162 Katie, take this down. 0:04:55.371,0:04:57.510 Castle Plunkett... 0:04:57.579,0:05:01.354 the superbly-restored edifice[br]in the heart... 0:05:01.419,0:05:05.380 of the incomparably beautiful[br]Irish countryside. 0:05:05.451,0:05:09.346 Also known to be[br]the most haunted place... 0:05:09.419,0:05:11.208 on the Emerald Isle! 0:05:11.275,0:05:14.591 Here, the dead[br]outnumber the living! 0:05:14.667,0:05:17.864 This castle contains[br]more ghouls, ghosties... 0:05:17.931,0:05:19.491 long-leggedy beasties... 0:05:19.563,0:05:21.538 and things[br]that go bump in the night... 0:05:21.612,0:05:25.059 than on any other place[br]in this revolving, revolting... 0:05:25.131,0:05:27.914 maggot-spinning earth! 0:05:27.980,0:05:32.584 We can promise you[br]banshees, pookas... 0:05:32.651,0:05:35.237 ghouls of all descriptions. 0:05:35.307,0:05:39.682 The one thing we won't promise[br]is a good night's sleep. 0:05:39.755,0:05:41.511 There are no bloody ghosts here. 0:05:41.579,0:05:44.645 I know, but there will be.[br]We'll invent them. 0:05:48.267,0:05:49.828 Yes, Mr. Wilson... 0:05:49.899,0:05:51.787 the accommodations[br]are strictly modern... 0:05:51.851,0:05:54.273 and so far, the renovations[br]have been consistent... 0:05:54.348,0:05:56.355 with maintaining[br]the ectoplasmic ambience... 0:05:56.427,0:05:58.085 of Castle Plunkett and environs. 0:06:00.427,0:06:02.696 Illusion. 0:06:02.763,0:06:04.519 You, Katie, for instance. 0:06:04.587,0:06:10.697 You high on a wire would be[br]magnificent as a flying banshee. 0:06:11.723,0:06:14.538 A little dry rot,[br]selective damp... 0:06:14.603,0:06:16.327 some fungus here and there. 0:06:16.395,0:06:18.697 Ghosts need[br]such things to exist. 0:06:18.763,0:06:20.519 Thank you. 0:06:20.587,0:06:24.002 Patricia, you could be... 0:06:24.075,0:06:25.285 a mermaid! 0:06:25.355,0:06:27.330 Or Lady Godiva. 0:06:33.004,0:06:34.530 Anybody dead down there? 0:06:34.603,0:06:36.032 Only the corpse, Eamon. 0:06:36.107,0:06:38.311 What the shaggin' hell[br]are you doin' up there? 0:06:38.379,0:06:40.354 Genius. Pure genius. 0:06:40.427,0:06:42.151 Just you wait till they see it. 0:06:43.787,0:06:46.373 The bloody hand to the front... 0:06:50.219,0:06:52.074 And the bloody feet at the rear. 0:06:54.667,0:06:56.740 Look, what in the name of God[br]is that? 0:06:56.811,0:06:58.436 We're not doin'[br]the "African Queen." 0:06:58.507,0:07:02.631 Will you get me the shaggin'[br]fish I asked you for? 0:07:07.531,0:07:09.058 Smile, Katie! 0:07:09.132,0:07:10.855 You have to smile! 0:07:10.923,0:07:12.712 The Americans[br]are coming tomorrow. 0:07:12.779,0:07:15.779 Now, Eamon, you little genius,[br]one more time. 0:07:15.852,0:07:18.535 Ready, steady, go! 0:07:32.715,0:07:34.308 Jack, what are you doing? 0:07:34.379,0:07:36.005 It's a little champagne. 0:07:36.075,0:07:38.464 To us, to Ireland... 0:07:38.540,0:07:39.914 your homeland. 0:07:39.979,0:07:41.702 Loch Ness Monster,[br]guys in skirts. 0:07:41.772,0:07:43.113 That's Scotland, Jack. 0:07:44.875,0:07:46.850 I knew that. 0:07:48.427,0:07:50.816 Oh, Christ! 0:07:50.891,0:07:53.128 Oh, Jack.[br]I've just taken two Valium... 0:07:53.195,0:07:56.511 and now you're trying[br]to drown me in champagne. 0:07:56.587,0:07:59.969 God. Next thing you know,[br]you'll want to have sex. 0:08:17.323,0:08:18.730 Ma'am? 0:08:18.795,0:08:19.973 A little champagne? 0:08:21.419,0:08:24.234 I suppose sex[br]is out of the question? 0:08:29.707,0:08:31.714 I think I should be[br]the tart on the horse... 0:08:31.787,0:08:33.697 and you should be[br]the hag in the tree. 0:08:33.770,0:08:35.658 I think I should go home. 0:08:35.722,0:08:38.308 Just give me that hair back! 0:08:59.307,0:09:00.933 Bon voyage! 0:09:13.515,0:09:16.385 On our left,[br]we have the Houghlin Bog... 0:09:16.459,0:09:19.721 home to more grisly[br]and gruesome murders... 0:09:19.787,0:09:21.892 than any comparable spot[br]in the universe. 0:09:21.963,0:09:24.135 The fierce,[br]fighting O'Flahertys... 0:09:24.203,0:09:26.624 would pile down from[br]the Knockmealdown Mountains... 0:09:26.699,0:09:29.066 and pillage and rape[br]women and children. 0:09:30.379,0:09:31.688 We have children here. 0:09:31.755,0:09:33.860 Even Christian brothers[br]were known to berserk... 0:09:33.931,0:09:36.353 the occasional sheep or goat. 0:09:37.707,0:09:40.871 Here, within the confines[br]of Castle Plunkett itself... 0:09:40.939,0:09:43.175 we come to the infamous[br]Wailing Willow... 0:09:43.243,0:09:45.577 from which the Brogan Banshee... 0:09:45.643,0:09:49.669 is reported to wail and howl[br]from time to time. 0:09:49.739,0:09:52.128 They're comin', Katie! 0:09:52.203,0:09:54.505 Get ready to show them[br]all you have! 0:09:54.571,0:09:56.359 Scare the Jesus out of 'em. 0:09:56.426,0:09:58.249 Howl, Katie, howl! 0:09:58.315,0:10:00.803 Howl like a banshee! 0:10:00.875,0:10:03.591 Wave the life out of 'em![br]Wave your arms! 0:10:08.043,0:10:09.767 Oh, Jesus! 0:10:16.875,0:10:18.085 Stop the bus! 0:10:20.043,0:10:21.570 Help me! 0:10:21.643,0:10:23.268 Driver! 0:10:23.339,0:10:25.510 Help me! 0:10:27.403,0:10:29.290 There's a lady[br]on the luggage rack! 0:10:29.355,0:10:31.111 I'm not a lady![br]I'm a banshee! 0:10:31.179,0:10:32.805 There's a banshee[br]on the luggage rack! 0:10:32.875,0:10:36.224 And the banshee's howling[br]brings forth... 0:10:36.299,0:10:40.128 the restless spirit[br]of Lady Amelia... 0:10:40.203,0:10:44.872 risen from her grave, riding[br]naked on her magical mount! 0:10:47.115,0:10:50.213 Hands and heels now, Patricia! 0:10:50.283,0:10:52.072 I can't stop it! 0:10:52.139,0:10:53.349 Help! 0:11:06.443,0:11:08.232 Awesome! 0:11:09.675,0:11:10.919 Oh, mummy! 0:11:23.434,0:11:26.085 The things I do for you. 0:11:26.155,0:11:29.003 Deeply appreciated. 0:11:29.067,0:11:32.679 Oh, dear. 0:11:47.434,0:11:48.743 Don't panic! 0:11:48.811,0:11:50.720 What do you mean,[br]"don't panic"? 0:11:52.619,0:11:54.855 Listen to me![br]Don't panic! 0:11:54.923,0:11:56.002 Shut up! 0:11:56.074,0:11:58.530 She's amphibious,[br]or so I'm told. 0:12:14.795,0:12:17.512 Jesus Christ.[br]This is the end of the world. 0:12:18.859,0:12:20.801 Best foot forward, Katie. 0:12:20.875,0:12:24.170 Welcome to Castle Plunkett! 0:12:24.235,0:12:27.202 You are most heartily welcomed. 0:12:28.491,0:12:32.452 Ladies, gentlemen, children... 0:12:32.523,0:12:34.890 you appear to be a trifle moist. 0:12:34.955,0:12:36.100 May I? 0:12:45.898,0:12:47.808 Good evening, boys,[br]young lady... 0:12:47.883,0:12:50.436 Mr. Crawford,[br]Mrs. Crawford, Mrs. Clay. 0:12:50.507,0:12:53.736 Mr. Plunkett, what is[br]this whiting in a glaze? 0:12:53.803,0:12:56.836 Oh, that would be a lovely[br]whiting with bread crumbs. 0:12:56.906,0:12:59.110 And the whiting au nature? 0:12:59.179,0:13:00.324 Boiled whiting. 0:13:00.394,0:13:02.499 So, what's[br]the whiting vapor stuff? 0:13:02.570,0:13:05.472 That, my dear young one, would[br]be whiting, steamed. 0:13:05.546,0:13:07.237 And what is this? 0:13:07.307,0:13:08.649 Whiting bordeaux? 0:13:08.715,0:13:12.010 Very witty, Mr. Clay. 0:13:12.074,0:13:14.857 OK, Mom. You've got us here.[br]Now where are these ghosts? 0:13:14.923,0:13:16.679 Come on! I wanna see one now! 0:13:16.747,0:13:18.121 Boys! 0:13:18.186,0:13:20.074 I'm afraid there are[br]no ghosts here. 0:13:20.139,0:13:22.692 A cynic, Mr. Clay. 0:13:22.763,0:13:25.130 No, a parapsychologist... 0:13:25.195,0:13:26.755 Mr. Plunkett. 0:13:26.826,0:13:28.649 Duke University. 0:13:28.715,0:13:30.089 A para-what? 0:13:30.154,0:13:32.772 A parapsychologist.[br]An expert in ghosts. 0:13:32.842,0:13:35.046 Give the parapsychologist[br]a drink, Katie. 0:13:45.931,0:13:48.319 Whiting bisque, madame? 0:13:48.394,0:13:49.736 Thank you. 0:13:55.018,0:13:58.150 And for you, father?[br]The whiting bisque? 0:13:58.219,0:14:03.237 So, I was seeing this guy, and[br]he's a devil worshipper, right? 0:14:03.306,0:14:05.673 Well, he's a hairdresser,[br]really... 0:14:05.739,0:14:07.364 but he devil worships[br]on the side. 0:14:07.435,0:14:10.697 We booked this dumb tour[br]'cause he likes ghosts... 0:14:10.763,0:14:13.349 corpses, dead gerbils,[br]that kind of thing... 0:14:13.419,0:14:16.102 and he ran off[br]with this Buddhist monk. 0:14:16.171,0:14:19.749 I mean, how was I supposed[br]to know he was gay? 0:14:21.323,0:14:23.178 So, what about you?[br]Are you gay, too? 0:14:23.243,0:14:26.887 No, I'm not, but I'm chaste. 0:14:26.954,0:14:29.475 Just kidding.[br]Trick question. 0:14:29.547,0:14:32.361 So, what are you doing here? 0:14:32.427,0:14:35.329 Well, I thought[br]I'd take a vacation here... 0:14:35.403,0:14:36.864 in the Isle of Saints... 0:14:36.939,0:14:39.939 before I take my final vows[br]as a sort of spiritual treat. 0:14:40.011,0:14:41.188 Retreat. 0:14:41.258,0:14:44.903 Yeah. Well, I've kind of[br]taken a vow myself. 0:14:44.971,0:14:49.673 I've sworn off men[br]for a while, at least. 0:14:49.738,0:14:52.040 But you're not a priest yet? 0:14:52.106,0:14:54.048 No. Not yet. 0:14:54.123,0:14:57.254 Well, here's to keeping[br]our vows. 0:15:11.466,0:15:12.644 Mr. Plunkett. 0:15:14.155,0:15:15.332 Who's that? 0:15:18.026,0:15:20.328 Mary Plunkett. 0:15:20.395,0:15:24.039 My great-great-great-great-[br]great-great-grandcousin. 0:15:24.106,0:15:28.384 She died right here in[br]Castle Plunkett 200 years ago. 0:15:28.459,0:15:29.953 She couldn't take[br]the whiting, either? 0:15:30.027,0:15:32.612 Levity is out of place,[br]Mrs. Crawford. 0:15:32.682,0:15:35.999 She was murdered[br]on her wedding night... 0:15:36.074,0:15:39.140 by the hand of her[br]newly wedded husband. 0:15:44.331,0:15:49.895 When I remember 0:15:49.962,0:15:55.974 All friends linked together 0:15:56.043,0:16:01.672 I've seen around me 0:16:01.738,0:16:05.633 Fall like leaves in wintry snow 0:16:05.707,0:16:08.162 Why don't I just[br]give you both here? 0:16:08.235,0:16:10.886 I can get the change later. 0:16:10.955,0:16:12.132 Lovely music. 0:16:12.202,0:16:13.446 Shut up! 0:16:13.514,0:16:15.751 Some banquet-hall 0:16:15.819,0:16:18.819 Deserted 0:16:18.891,0:16:21.476 Whose lights are fled 0:16:21.546,0:16:24.514 Whose garlands dead 0:16:24.586,0:16:30.816 And all but he departed 0:16:30.890,0:16:36.127 Thus in the stilly night 0:16:36.202,0:16:39.050 Ere slumber's chain 0:16:39.115,0:16:42.279 Has bound me 0:16:42.347,0:16:46.886 Fond memory brings the light 0:16:46.954,0:16:48.067 Honey, everybody's singing. 0:16:50.250,0:16:51.363 It's beautiful. 0:16:53.578,0:16:55.072 It's beautiful. 0:17:17.194,0:17:21.503 A full moon has risen[br]above Houghlin Bog. 0:17:21.578,0:17:23.433 Those of you[br]with nervous dispositions... 0:17:23.498,0:17:25.734 would do well[br]to protect yourselves. 0:17:25.803,0:17:28.967 Lock your windows,[br]bolt your doors... 0:17:29.035,0:17:30.660 say your prayers... 0:17:30.730,0:17:33.730 for tonight,[br]they may be walking abroad... 0:17:33.802,0:17:38.058 the cluricanes,[br]the banshees, and the pookas. 0:17:38.123,0:17:40.806 Good night.[br]Sleep well, if you can. 0:17:42.731,0:17:43.909 If you dare! 0:17:45.963,0:17:47.108 Bugs. 0:17:48.810,0:17:50.665 Where did they all go? 0:17:50.730,0:17:53.032 Don't ask.[br]They might come back. 0:17:56.938,0:17:58.793 Well, if there are[br]any ghosts in this castle... 0:17:58.858,0:18:01.280 I hope to God they put on[br]a better show than this one. 0:18:01.355,0:18:03.362 It was pretty scary, huh, kids? 0:18:03.435,0:18:05.573 Didn't you see[br]'"Nightmare on Elm Street"? 0:18:05.642,0:18:06.787 Give me a break. 0:18:09.226,0:18:11.168 Scared the shit out of me. 0:18:13.035,0:18:14.823 Right. Phase Two. 0:18:14.890,0:18:16.352 Katie, banshee time. 0:18:16.427,0:18:18.532 Julia, where's me bandages? 0:18:21.802,0:18:24.104 Because it's hard to get[br]a significant C.R. Reading... 0:18:24.170,0:18:28.131 when there is no observed[br]deviation to be measured. 0:18:28.203,0:18:31.399 I'm afraid that this is going[br]to be the most pitiful scam... 0:18:31.466,0:18:35.328 There is not even[br]a dress hanger in the dump. 0:18:35.402,0:18:37.507 Malky. 0:18:37.578,0:18:41.670 Get me the nightie[br]you bought me at the duty-free. 0:18:41.739,0:18:43.080 Honey? 0:18:48.746,0:18:51.943 Thanks, Bugbear.[br]Oh, take this, would you? 0:18:52.010,0:18:56.233 Unexpected random fluctuations[br]of the standard deviation... 0:18:56.299,0:19:00.128 would need to exceed 2.33 for it[br]to be conceived as significant. 0:19:00.202,0:19:02.886 Here we have[br]a very impressive sight indeed. 0:19:02.955,0:19:06.468 It's the winning Hereford bull[br]owned by Mr. Lynch... 0:19:06.539,0:19:10.630 and he's won the competition[br]for the third year in a row. 0:19:10.699,0:19:13.317 Mind you,[br]the competition we saw today... 0:19:13.386,0:19:15.077 was of a very[br]high quality indeed... 0:19:15.146,0:19:18.561 and the judges[br]had a very difficult task. 0:19:18.634,0:19:23.206 Of course, these days,[br]the judges emphasize grooming... 0:19:23.275,0:19:25.730 Oh, my God. 0:19:25.803,0:19:27.658 Major jet lag. 0:19:32.938,0:19:34.913 Excuse me. 0:19:34.987,0:19:37.507 I don't believe in ghosts. 0:19:40.203,0:19:41.861 Oh, wait. 0:19:44.074,0:19:46.213 Calm down, Miranda. 0:19:46.282,0:19:49.926 You can stop it now,[br]because really, I'm not scared. 0:20:07.594,0:20:10.790 One more time, my Katie, and[br]give the window a little tap. 0:20:10.858,0:20:13.030 Tap it yourself. 0:20:13.099,0:20:14.506 Away, Little John. 0:20:21.131,0:20:23.465 Damn it![br]Look at me, you bastard! 0:20:38.986,0:20:40.295 OK, you guys. 0:20:40.362,0:20:43.908 If you aren't in bed in three[br]seconds, you are grounded. 0:20:43.978,0:20:45.287 But we haven't seen a ghost yet. 0:20:45.354,0:20:47.329 And I'm not whistlin' Dixie. 0:21:04.618,0:21:06.441 Help me! 0:21:06.506,0:21:07.684 Help! 0:21:07.754,0:21:11.103 Please, somebody help me! 0:21:11.178,0:21:12.804 Where's he goin'? 0:21:12.874,0:21:15.241 Help me! 0:21:16.394,0:21:17.889 All right. I'm coming. 0:21:17.963,0:21:20.930 - Brother Tony, help me![br]- I will! 0:21:21.003,0:21:23.392 - You have to make it stop![br]- All right! 0:21:23.466,0:21:25.321 I don't like it at all! 0:21:25.386,0:21:26.728 Come on, Brother Tony! Jump! 0:21:26.794,0:21:28.998 I'm coming! 0:21:29.066,0:21:30.244 Oh, Tony! 0:21:30.314,0:21:31.972 Brother Tony![br]Do something! 0:21:32.042,0:21:33.897 Don't just lay there,[br]do something! 0:21:33.962,0:21:35.369 Like what? 0:21:35.434,0:21:37.376 Exorcise it! 0:21:37.450,0:21:38.912 You're a priest, aren't you? 0:21:38.987,0:21:41.408 How about a little something[br]from "Revelations"? 0:21:41.482,0:21:42.791 - "Revelations"?[br]- "Revelations." 0:21:45.034,0:21:47.718 '"And I saw an angel..." 0:21:47.786,0:21:48.996 I'm gonna be sick! 0:21:49.066,0:21:53.027 Don't leave me![br]We're going to die! 0:21:53.098,0:21:54.821 They're going to kill us! 0:21:59.946,0:22:04.169 A change in the humidity[br]and you will turn blue. 0:22:08.522,0:22:11.370 Come to me, Bugbear. 0:22:11.434,0:22:13.321 Make me a woman. 0:22:14.954,0:22:16.994 My love. 0:22:18.955,0:22:23.559 Oh, that's the most pathetic[br]display that I've ever seen. 0:22:23.626,0:22:24.870 Malcolm! 0:22:24.938,0:22:28.321 What is that?[br]A 45-degree semisilver mirror? 0:22:33.578,0:22:36.000 Now, Eamon. 0:22:36.074,0:22:37.503 The sword! 0:22:38.826,0:22:40.614 Jack, what are you doing? 0:22:42.986,0:22:44.513 I smell something burning, Jack. 0:22:51.434,0:22:54.118 Sharon! 0:22:54.186,0:22:56.193 How many times[br]do I have to tell you "no"? 0:22:56.266,0:22:59.430 I'm exhausted.[br]We are not making love tonight. 0:22:59.498,0:23:00.708 I just saw a ghost! 0:23:00.778,0:23:04.259 That is the most pathetic excuse[br]for sex I have ever heard! 0:23:04.331,0:23:06.338 If I say I'm too tired,[br]then I'm too tired. 0:23:06.410,0:23:07.555 Thank you very much, Jack. 0:23:07.626,0:23:09.251 Now I need to take[br]two more Valium. 0:23:14.314,0:23:15.776 My God, he's got my underwear! 0:23:15.851,0:23:17.607 Oh, very nice![br]A pervert ghost! 0:23:17.674,0:23:18.884 Malcolm, the children! 0:23:18.954,0:23:20.481 Don't worry, Marge.[br]I'll handle this. 0:23:20.554,0:23:22.921 Get away from the children! 0:23:22.986,0:23:24.677 Yeah, Dad! 0:23:24.746,0:23:26.339 Supernatural, huh? 0:23:26.411,0:23:28.069 Sounds pretty solid to me. 0:23:28.138,0:23:29.218 Behind me, children! 0:23:29.291,0:23:31.233 How dare you threaten[br]my family? 0:23:43.754,0:23:45.096 I think it's real, Dad. 0:23:45.162,0:23:47.104 I'll show you real! 0:23:50.922,0:23:52.351 Mother of God! 0:23:55.338,0:23:58.469 You could've shaggin' killed me. 0:24:00.682,0:24:02.569 Maybe if we made love[br]more often... 0:24:02.634,0:24:04.063 you wouldn't need[br]your stupid pills. 0:24:10.474,0:24:12.197 Do not take that Valium. 0:24:12.266,0:24:14.176 Sharon,[br]do not take that Valium. 0:24:14.250,0:24:16.422 Would you listen to me[br]for once in your life? 0:24:16.490,0:24:17.766 Sharon, please! 0:24:26.058,0:24:28.262 It's not working![br]We have to stop! 0:24:28.330,0:24:30.534 We have to try something else! 0:24:55.402,0:24:56.514 What are you doing... 0:24:58.346,0:24:59.906 to that poor ghost? 0:25:01.258,0:25:03.080 Wait a minute! 0:25:03.146,0:25:07.336 Plunkett! You phony! You fake! 0:25:10.890,0:25:14.338 Julia! Oh, how's my poor... 0:25:14.378,0:25:16.899 Little demon children! 0:25:16.970,0:25:19.141 Calm yourselves! 0:25:20.298,0:25:22.121 As the brochure says,[br]it's the unpredictability... 0:25:22.186,0:25:23.364 of spirits that causes problems. 0:25:23.434,0:25:26.532 So I would like to apologize[br]for any minor inconvenience. 0:25:26.602,0:25:29.352 This is the most pitiful[br]supernatural sham... 0:25:29.418,0:25:30.530 that I've ever encountered! 0:25:30.602,0:25:32.195 It will get better,[br]I assure you. 0:25:44.010,0:25:46.082 That's it! 0:25:46.154,0:25:48.871 We are leaving[br]tomorrow morning, Jack. 0:25:48.938,0:25:52.583 Oh, no, my dear woman. 0:25:52.650,0:25:54.243 Am I intruding? 0:25:54.314,0:25:57.314 Just give the poor ghosts[br]a little time. 0:25:57.386,0:25:59.208 We're history, dude. 0:25:59.274,0:26:01.794 Couldn't we look on tonight[br]as a kind of dress rehearsal? 0:26:01.866,0:26:04.200 You're finished, Plunkett! 0:26:04.266,0:26:08.095 I am going to personally expose[br]this pathetic fraud! 0:26:08.170,0:26:10.985 There are laws, sir,[br]against people like you. 0:26:11.050,0:26:13.286 Marge, children, we're leaving. 0:26:15.114,0:26:17.318 Maybe Jim Brogan'll[br]give us another chance? 0:26:17.386,0:26:20.386 Jim Brogan? What's Jim Brogan[br]got to do with this? 0:26:20.458,0:26:22.313 He has the mortgage[br]on the place... 0:26:22.378,0:26:23.872 and we've only got[br]two weeks left... 0:26:23.946,0:26:25.539 and then he's gonna[br]throw us out. 0:26:25.610,0:26:27.683 Jack, I'm very tired.[br]I'd like to go to bed now. 0:26:27.754,0:26:29.182 - Now![br]- Just wait a minute! 0:26:29.258,0:26:32.706 What's going on here,[br]Mr. Plunkett? 0:26:32.778,0:26:36.226 So we told a lie. 0:26:36.298,0:26:38.981 Everyone lies once in a while. 0:26:39.050,0:26:40.960 So Katie isn't a ghost... 0:26:41.034,0:26:43.489 and Julia still[br]has her head on... 0:26:43.562,0:26:45.766 and Eamon isn't a mummy... 0:26:45.834,0:26:49.249 and the castle isn't haunted,[br]but what of that? 0:26:49.322,0:26:52.072 What you have[br]to ask yourselves is... 0:26:52.138,0:26:55.935 why did we do it? 0:26:56.010,0:26:59.490 We did it because[br]we love this place. 0:27:01.482,0:27:04.711 Every little[br]worm-eaten brick... 0:27:04.778,0:27:07.877 every little rotting[br]nook and cranny. 0:27:07.946,0:27:13.510 Why should you Americans care[br]if I lose my home? 0:27:13.578,0:27:16.426 Castle Plunkett. 0:27:16.490,0:27:21.029 And the villagers lose[br]their only means of employment? 0:27:21.098,0:27:22.211 Thank you, Katie. 0:27:23.626,0:27:27.881 Jack, let's go to bed. 0:27:27.946,0:27:29.986 - I care, Mr. Plunkett.[br]- What? 0:27:30.058,0:27:32.032 I care. 0:27:32.106,0:27:36.165 Jim Brogan is my father-in-law,[br]so I'm involved in this. 0:27:36.234,0:27:39.649 You're Jim Brogan's daughter? 0:27:42.025,0:27:47.590 Yes, my name's Brogan. 0:27:47.658,0:27:49.185 I might as well tell you... 0:27:49.258,0:27:51.112 that there won't be any[br]extensions on your mortgage. 0:27:51.178,0:27:52.454 I mean, not after[br]tonight's performance. 0:27:52.522,0:27:53.602 I don't believe this. 0:27:53.674,0:27:55.397 Daddy asked me[br]to check it out. 0:27:55.465,0:27:58.433 I mean, this ghost business[br]was too ridiculous. 0:27:58.506,0:28:02.215 So you came to sabotage us? 0:28:02.282,0:28:04.224 You did perfectly all right[br]all by yourself. 0:28:04.298,0:28:06.819 I didn't have to lift a finger. 0:28:09.674,0:28:13.536 Jack, are you coming? 0:28:22.986,0:28:26.335 Look, I don't know what to say. 0:28:27.594,0:28:31.424 I didn't know. 0:28:31.497,0:28:33.832 I didn't. 0:28:33.898,0:28:36.745 For what it's worth,[br]I think this place is great. 0:28:39.722,0:28:41.151 You're the ghost in the bedroom. 0:28:43.721,0:28:46.591 You were the banshee[br]on the luggage rack. 0:28:56.298,0:28:59.397 Sharon, hey, wait a minute! 0:28:59.466,0:29:01.092 Daddy wants this place.[br]He's always wanted it. 0:29:01.162,0:29:02.568 He was born here.[br]He hates the Plunketts. 0:29:02.634,0:29:03.714 Why? 0:29:03.785,0:29:06.152 Why not?[br]Daddy hates most people. 0:29:06.218,0:29:07.647 So you lied to me. 0:29:07.721,0:29:09.925 You used our second honeymoon[br]for Daddy. 0:29:09.993,0:29:12.066 Jack, it's business. 0:29:12.138,0:29:14.789 It's business? 0:29:14.858,0:29:17.345 Obviously, a word[br]you're not familiar with. 0:29:32.522,0:29:33.635 Where are you going? 0:29:33.706,0:29:36.073 To get drunk. 0:29:36.138,0:29:39.683 I don't want you[br]to lose your castle. 0:29:39.753,0:29:42.503 Not to my father-in-law,[br]he's a son of a bitch. 0:29:42.570,0:29:45.188 Oh, my dear fellow,[br]you're too kind. 0:29:45.258,0:29:47.779 He's an unlovely combination... 0:29:47.850,0:29:51.810 of a son of a bitch[br]and a rat's knackers. 0:29:51.881,0:29:53.791 What's a rat's knackers? 0:29:53.866,0:29:59.582 It's an unholy trinity[br]of a muckraker, a gobshite... 0:29:59.658,0:30:02.244 and a hoor's melt. 0:30:04.138,0:30:06.953 The guy's a dick. 0:30:07.018,0:30:08.294 In a word. 0:30:08.361,0:30:10.783 Would you like a drink? 0:30:10.858,0:30:12.232 I thought I had one. 0:30:12.297,0:30:14.850 I mean a real drink. 0:30:40.170,0:30:42.242 Upsy-daisy. 0:30:52.554,0:30:56.864 My father's brew. 0:31:14.474,0:31:15.816 Oh, perfect. 0:31:15.882,0:31:18.249 Look at the bad side... 0:31:18.314,0:31:20.386 gotta look at the good side. 0:31:20.457,0:31:21.406 There's constantly... 0:31:21.482,0:31:24.067 There's two sides[br]to every story. 0:31:29.994,0:31:32.645 The milk of human kindness,[br]Sharon. 0:31:32.714,0:31:35.714 Three little words,[br]every once in a while. 0:31:35.786,0:31:37.990 Doesn't cost anything. 0:31:38.058,0:31:41.189 '"I love you." 0:31:43.401,0:31:46.401 Oh, shit. Wrong room. 0:31:48.426,0:31:51.143 Our room's not this nice. 0:32:15.914,0:32:18.248 - No, Martin![br]- It's not what you think. 0:32:18.313,0:32:20.069 Oh, no, Martin. No! 0:32:20.137,0:32:22.079 I know you. 0:32:22.153,0:32:24.193 You're the girl in the painting! 0:32:24.265,0:32:26.785 - So, you wee harlot.[br]- No, Martin! 0:32:26.857,0:32:29.345 You're the one in the painting. 0:32:29.418,0:32:31.044 You'll tup with no one![br]Come here, lovey! 0:32:31.114,0:32:32.358 Who's this guy? 0:32:32.426,0:32:35.044 You're a great act.[br]Real bruises, too, huh? 0:32:35.114,0:32:36.194 Wow, that's great. 0:32:36.266,0:32:38.437 Hey, pal, you should've[br]done this earlier. 0:32:38.506,0:32:39.815 I think you could've[br]saved the place. 0:32:39.881,0:32:41.255 Where is he? 0:32:42.346,0:32:43.688 Martin, there's no one! 0:32:43.754,0:32:45.609 Great outfits. 0:32:45.674,0:32:46.918 Martin, there's no one! 0:32:47.913,0:32:49.920 Looks real! 0:32:49.993,0:32:51.749 Martin, there's no one! 0:32:51.817,0:32:53.312 Looks a little rough, but real. 0:32:53.385,0:32:54.531 Why don't I believe ya? 0:33:02.921,0:33:04.928 This is so disgusting. 0:33:13.322,0:33:16.966 Oh, Lord, she wouldn't die,[br]not with a lie on her lips. 0:33:17.033,0:33:20.132 Oh, God, what have I done? 0:33:20.201,0:33:21.346 You killed her. 0:33:21.417,0:33:22.628 Oh, Lord, what have I done? 0:33:22.698,0:33:24.104 I told you, you killed her. 0:33:24.170,0:33:26.112 Mary. 0:33:26.186,0:33:27.396 Oh, Lord, what have I done? 0:33:27.466,0:33:29.887 What did you do?[br]She's a mess! 0:33:48.426,0:33:51.328 There's a trap door down here. 0:34:01.162,0:34:02.274 Oh, no, Martin! 0:34:06.378,0:34:07.905 So, you wee harlot. 0:34:07.978,0:34:09.571 No, Martin. No! 0:34:09.641,0:34:10.951 Duck! 0:34:11.018,0:34:13.385 You won't tup with me, huh? 0:34:13.449,0:34:14.530 Please, no! 0:34:14.601,0:34:17.219 The party's over, all right? 0:34:17.290,0:34:18.915 Take your hands off the girl... 0:34:18.985,0:34:21.505 or you're gonna be...[br]OK, pal! 0:34:21.578,0:34:24.033 Where is he? 0:34:24.106,0:34:25.960 All right! Where is he? 0:34:26.025,0:34:27.553 Martin, there's no one. 0:34:27.625,0:34:30.112 Wait a minute, wait. 0:34:30.185,0:34:32.072 What are you doing?[br]She's a beautiful woman. 0:34:32.138,0:34:34.080 That's a beautiful woman! 0:34:34.154,0:34:35.266 Martin, there's no one! 0:34:35.337,0:34:36.449 Then, why don't I believe ya? 0:34:42.121,0:34:43.616 I'm hit. 0:34:46.056,0:34:47.967 Oh, God. 0:34:50.056,0:34:52.032 You dirty rotten... 0:34:52.105,0:34:55.170 Mary? 0:34:55.241,0:34:56.833 No, he missed me. 0:34:56.905,0:35:03.332 Oh, Lord, she wouldn't die,[br]not with a lie on her lips. 0:35:03.402,0:35:05.190 Oh, Lord, what have I done? 0:35:05.257,0:35:07.232 Oh, God, what have I done? 0:35:12.233,0:35:13.346 Who are you guys? 0:35:15.305,0:35:16.614 I'm Mary Plunkett. 0:35:18.314,0:35:20.354 Wait a minute. 0:35:20.425,0:35:23.109 This is an act. 0:35:26.121,0:35:28.991 This is an act. Right? 0:35:32.201,0:35:33.663 How can I thank you? 0:35:33.738,0:35:35.265 For what? 0:35:35.338,0:35:37.476 For your selflessness. 0:35:37.545,0:35:43.688 I didn't do... I don't... 0:35:43.753,0:35:45.095 How can I thank you? 0:35:45.161,0:35:50.180 You're so beautiful. 0:35:50.250,0:35:51.908 How can I thank you? 0:35:51.978,0:35:54.727 Thank you. 0:35:54.794,0:35:56.004 Don't go. 0:35:56.073,0:35:57.731 Why do you have to go? 0:36:11.945,0:36:13.887 I don't feel good. 0:36:38.985,0:36:42.662 Sharon, I think I'm going crazy. 0:36:42.729,0:36:45.763 I gotta know. Did you... 0:36:49.641,0:36:51.648 Did you ever love me? 0:37:01.802,0:37:05.315 Let's see if those pills[br]really work. 0:37:11.305,0:37:13.607 You've had a good life. 0:37:33.001,0:37:36.100 Oh, God. 0:37:50.058,0:37:52.392 You. 0:37:52.457,0:37:54.846 You are... 0:38:15.625,0:38:17.632 Good morning, darling. 0:38:17.705,0:38:19.592 Good morning, Lavinia. 0:38:19.658,0:38:23.203 Well, our son is an idiot. 0:38:23.273,0:38:25.128 We've known that for years. 0:38:25.193,0:38:28.390 Haven't we, darling? 0:38:28.458,0:38:31.175 Well, this time,[br]he has surpassed himself. 0:38:31.241,0:38:32.801 The ghosts are furious. 0:38:32.873,0:38:33.953 Why? 0:38:34.025,0:38:36.196 Well, they've heard that[br]that Jim Brogan fellow... 0:38:36.265,0:38:38.153 is going to move the castle[br]to Malibu. 0:38:38.217,0:38:40.039 How nice. 0:38:40.105,0:38:45.507 All that sunshine,[br]and all those movies stars. 0:38:45.578,0:38:48.807 No respectable ghost[br]would live in California. 0:38:48.873,0:38:51.873 Besides, they're Irish.[br]What would they do there? 0:38:51.946,0:38:53.855 Oh, if only I hadn't died. 0:38:53.929,0:38:55.271 None of this[br]would ever have happened. 0:38:55.338,0:38:57.858 Well, you did die,[br]didn't you, darling? 0:38:57.929,0:38:59.271 So, what are[br]we gonna do about it? 0:38:59.337,0:39:03.428 Out of my hands.[br]They won't listen to me. 0:39:03.497,0:39:04.871 They're going[br]to give those Americans... 0:39:04.938,0:39:06.367 exactly what they came here for. 0:39:06.441,0:39:09.092 Serve 'em right. 0:39:13.737,0:39:15.111 I'm dead. 0:39:17.833,0:39:19.905 So, this is what it feels like. 0:39:25.129,0:39:27.398 Like a hangover. 0:39:29.513,0:39:31.368 Peter? 0:39:31.433,0:39:33.091 Peter, wake up. 0:39:34.953,0:39:36.960 The Yanks are leaving. 0:39:37.033,0:39:38.494 Really? 0:39:48.617,0:39:53.124 As long as I'm dead,[br]I might as well tell you. 0:39:53.193,0:39:57.448 You've got all the warmth[br]of a penguin on an iceberg. 0:40:01.353,0:40:02.466 You're a dwarf. 0:40:02.538,0:40:05.920 You'd better clean[br]those choppers real good... 0:40:05.993,0:40:08.895 so you can chew up[br]the next jerk who comes along. 0:40:10.570,0:40:11.715 I'm not dead? 0:40:11.785,0:40:12.897 No, but if I were you... 0:40:12.969,0:40:14.627 I wouldn't make[br]any long-range plans. 0:40:14.697,0:40:18.439 Great, Jack. Now I've got[br]a massive migraine coming on. 0:40:18.505,0:40:20.577 My B-complex level[br]is rock bottom. 0:40:20.649,0:40:23.202 Sharon, look... 0:40:23.273,0:40:25.280 Let me see that. 0:40:25.353,0:40:28.223 Sharon, I think... 0:40:28.297,0:40:29.726 Get packed, Jack. 0:40:29.801,0:40:32.768 Sharon, you took a Valium. 0:40:34.537,0:40:36.359 Wrong pills. 0:40:38.921,0:40:40.895 What did you have[br]for your breakfast, little boy? 0:40:40.969,0:40:43.238 Some tan fish. 0:40:43.305,0:40:45.411 That was a nice change. 0:40:45.481,0:40:49.791 I said this place[br]is a nightmare, Daddy! 0:40:49.865,0:40:53.029 Of course, I sound strange.[br]I'm depressed. 0:40:53.097,0:40:54.952 Everybody hates me. 0:40:55.017,0:40:57.090 And, last night,[br]Jack slept on the floor... 0:40:57.161,0:40:59.299 and when he woke up,[br]he said he was dead... 0:40:59.369,0:41:01.791 and that I was a dwarf[br]and that I had buck teeth... 0:41:01.865,0:41:03.272 and you know[br]how self-conscious I am... 0:41:03.337,0:41:05.279 about those things,[br]this is all your fault! 0:41:05.353,0:41:07.720 I hate you! 0:41:07.785,0:41:11.778 Miss Crawford?[br]Are you all right? 0:41:11.849,0:41:16.072 Do you think that I'm colder[br]than a penguin on an iceberg? 0:41:16.137,0:41:17.926 Oh. Well, no. 0:41:17.993,0:41:20.862 No, you see, actually,[br]penguins are a lot warmer... 0:41:20.937,0:41:23.326 than people[br]give them credit for. 0:41:27.497,0:41:28.741 How dare you! 0:41:32.457,0:41:35.075 I didn't... don't tell my wife. 0:41:36.618,0:41:40.414 I mean, not that I did anything. 0:41:40.489,0:41:44.231 Do you hear me, Sharon?[br]Sharon, get on this phone! 0:41:45.513,0:41:48.993 Will you talk to me, Sharon? 0:42:25.833,0:42:29.029 You're real.[br]I mean, you're not. 0:42:29.097,0:42:32.512 You're a real ghost. 0:42:47.593,0:42:50.114 I have to thank you[br]for what you did last night. 0:42:50.185,0:42:52.551 It was nothing. 0:42:52.617,0:42:53.762 What did I do? 0:42:53.833,0:42:57.510 You gave me my first moment[br]of peace in near 200 years. 0:42:57.577,0:42:59.813 I'll be in your debt[br]for eternity, sir. 0:42:59.881,0:43:02.500 It was nothing, and you[br]don't have to call me sir. 0:43:02.569,0:43:03.681 What can I call ya? 0:43:09.161,0:43:10.590 Thank you, Sir Jack. 0:43:10.665,0:43:12.290 It's on me. 0:43:16.713,0:43:18.949 - Lovely dress.[br]- My wedding dress. 0:43:19.017,0:43:22.051 Today is my wedding day. 0:43:22.121,0:43:24.160 Tonight, he'll murder me. 0:43:24.233,0:43:25.989 You get murdered every night? 0:43:26.057,0:43:29.286 Every night until last night. 0:43:29.353,0:43:30.782 What about tonight? 0:43:30.857,0:43:33.192 That depends on you. 0:43:33.257,0:43:34.533 Why me? 0:43:34.601,0:43:38.212 Your love broke the chain,[br]crossed the boundaries... 0:43:38.281,0:43:40.518 Oh, my God, hold on![br]You can't depend on me! 0:43:40.585,0:43:42.887 Nobody can depend on me.[br]My wife would never understand... 0:43:42.953,0:43:44.993 Ah, twasn't love, then. 0:43:45.065,0:43:47.039 Mary, we hardly know each other. 0:43:52.457,0:43:53.635 Look, I gotta go! 0:43:53.705,0:43:56.454 - Don't go, Jack![br]- I gotta, I just... look... 0:43:56.521,0:43:58.147 You want to forget me. 0:43:58.217,0:43:59.908 I don't know what I want! 0:43:59.977,0:44:01.286 I just don't... 0:44:21.001,0:44:24.099 What the heck? 0:44:49.480,0:44:50.757 He's flying![br]Look at him! 0:44:52.937,0:44:54.049 Me roof! 0:45:04.840,0:45:06.269 Jesus Christ! 0:45:08.393,0:45:12.648 So all the snakes[br]weren't driven out of Ireland. 0:45:12.713,0:45:15.364 - What?[br]- The snakes! 0:45:45.897,0:45:51.527 "To die; to sleep no more;[br]and by a sleep to say we end..." 0:45:51.593,0:45:53.862 Peter! They changed their minds![br]They're staying! 0:46:00.009,0:46:01.897 There is a God. 0:46:08.041,0:46:14.468 Hey, would your name[br]conceivably be Jack? 0:46:27.529,0:46:30.725 Welcome back, dear guests! 0:46:30.792,0:46:33.181 Let me be the first[br]to apologize... 0:46:33.257,0:46:35.232 for our temperamental[br]Irish weather. 0:46:35.305,0:46:36.930 Shut up, Plunkett.[br]Call us a cab. 0:46:37.000,0:46:38.527 Certainly, Mr. Clay.[br]Immediately. 0:46:43.464,0:46:47.174 Deepest regrets,[br]the phones are dead. 0:46:47.241,0:46:49.281 The storm[br]must've knocked them out. 0:46:54.792,0:46:58.088 So, we're all together[br]for one more night. 0:46:58.153,0:47:02.430 It seems that we're becoming[br]one big, happy family. 0:47:02.505,0:47:04.644 Sorry, Mr. P. 0:47:07.561,0:47:08.706 Plunkett! 0:47:08.777,0:47:11.265 I'd rather walk into town[br]in this suit of armor... 0:47:11.337,0:47:12.864 and spend a night in a stable... 0:47:12.937,0:47:15.424 than to spend one more second[br]in this hell hole! 0:47:15.497,0:47:18.912 Marge! Children![br]We're leaving! 0:47:21.833,0:47:24.199 Malcolm! 0:47:31.049,0:47:33.285 Oh, my God! 0:47:33.353,0:47:36.070 Malcolm! 0:47:37.673,0:47:40.040 Oh, God! 0:47:40.104,0:47:42.243 Malcolm, can you hear me? 0:47:44.808,0:47:46.947 Oh, please,[br]let him be all right. 0:47:47.017,0:47:48.806 Oh, dear God. 0:47:51.784,0:47:55.461 Plunkett, this is your doing! 0:47:55.528,0:47:56.608 Darling? 0:47:56.680,0:48:00.292 Yes, I think we could stay[br]one more night. 0:48:00.361,0:48:02.248 Sweet Mother Mary... 0:48:02.313,0:48:04.036 Saint Brigid... 0:48:04.104,0:48:05.478 please don't let me marry him. 0:48:05.545,0:48:06.789 Please release me. 0:48:06.857,0:48:11.013 I don't love Martin,[br]and I never will. 0:48:11.080,0:48:13.862 Sweet Mother Mary,[br]Saint Brigid... 0:48:13.929,0:48:16.296 please don't let me marry him. 0:48:16.361,0:48:17.855 Please release me. 0:48:17.929,0:48:19.173 I don't love Martin. 0:48:22.633,0:48:24.967 Sweet Mother Mary,[br]Saint Brigid... 0:48:26.088,0:48:27.397 please don't let me marry him. 0:48:27.464,0:48:28.577 Please release me. 0:48:30.505,0:48:31.617 Sweet Mother Mary... 0:48:34.697,0:48:37.118 Sweet Jesus,[br]what happened to you? 0:48:37.193,0:48:39.015 I ran into a little wind. 0:48:39.080,0:48:40.160 Oh, dear. 0:48:40.232,0:48:43.102 That would be the spirits[br]in the castle. 0:48:43.176,0:48:45.282 Sorry. 0:48:45.353,0:48:47.109 What are you doing? 0:48:47.177,0:48:48.965 I'm praying to Saint Brigid... 0:48:49.032,0:48:50.942 to release me[br]from me marriage vows. 0:48:51.017,0:48:53.734 Look, this is[br]too psychotic for me. 0:48:53.801,0:48:55.841 - I mean, look...[br]- Saint Brigid... 0:48:55.912,0:48:57.603 I mean, I'm as up for[br]a good nervous breakdown... 0:48:57.672,0:49:00.389 as anybody, really,[br]but this is too much. 0:49:00.456,0:49:01.536 I mean, I get here yesterday... 0:49:01.608,0:49:03.496 my marriage collapses,[br]then I save a ghost... 0:49:03.561,0:49:04.870 from being murdered[br]by another ghost. 0:49:04.937,0:49:07.620 Now, if you think about it,[br]that makes no sense at all. 0:49:07.689,0:49:10.078 Then I fly through the air,[br]hit a tree... 0:49:10.152,0:49:14.211 and Renaldo the talking horse[br]here... 0:49:14.281,0:49:17.827 leads me to... - 0:49:17.897,0:49:21.246 to the most beautiful... 0:49:21.320,0:49:22.946 ghost that I've ever seen[br]in my... 0:49:26.664,0:49:31.334 Last night, when you took[br]Martin's sword in my stead... 0:49:31.401,0:49:36.223 you broke the cursed chain[br]that has bound me for 200 years. 0:49:36.297,0:49:37.890 What cursed chain? 0:49:37.961,0:49:42.979 Me marriage to Martin Brogan[br]was arranged by me father. 0:49:43.048,0:49:44.357 I did not love him. 0:49:44.425,0:49:49.247 He had warts,[br]and his feet stank. 0:49:49.320,0:49:54.055 On my wedding night,[br]I refused to be tupped by him. 0:49:54.120,0:49:57.503 - Tupped?[br]- Tupped. 0:50:00.168,0:50:01.542 I get it. 0:50:01.609,0:50:03.070 Go on. 0:50:03.144,0:50:07.966 He thought I loved another...[br]though I did not. 0:50:08.041,0:50:13.791 And in a jealous fury,[br]he did me to death! 0:50:13.864,0:50:18.272 Now, every day for me[br]is the same. 0:50:19.945,0:50:23.523 If I get murdered[br]one more time, I'll scream. 0:50:23.593,0:50:25.480 Who'd want to be a ghost? 0:50:25.544,0:50:27.552 We are what we are. 0:50:29.449,0:50:32.448 So... this Marty stank? 0:50:32.520,0:50:35.652 Aye, and he squished. 0:50:35.721,0:50:37.346 He squished? 0:50:37.416,0:50:38.725 Squished. 0:50:38.793,0:50:40.549 Oh, he squished! 0:50:40.617,0:50:42.373 God... 0:50:44.584,0:50:48.927 Could you love a man[br]who belched but didn't squish? 0:50:50.504,0:50:53.254 I could love you,[br]Sir Jack. 0:50:53.320,0:50:56.320 If you loved me,[br]the miracle could happen. 0:50:59.848,0:51:01.703 I can't. 0:51:01.768,0:51:03.426 I cannot do this.[br]I am married. 0:51:03.496,0:51:05.885 Then you don't love me. 0:51:05.960,0:51:09.441 - I didn't say that.[br]- Then I am doomed forever. 0:51:09.513,0:51:14.401 Even now Martin dons his[br]garments, sharpens his knife. 0:51:14.473,0:51:16.327 Good-bye, Sir Jack. 0:51:16.393,0:51:18.694 Look, you're a ghost.[br]I'm an American. 0:51:18.761,0:51:19.971 It would never work out. 0:51:20.041,0:51:22.529 Sweet Mother Mary.[br]Saint Colum... 0:51:22.601,0:51:25.535 Mary, look, I don't want you[br]to get murdered again. 0:51:25.608,0:51:29.154 It's just that my wife... if she[br]found out, she'd murder me! 0:51:39.272,0:51:41.028 Jack, is that you? 0:51:43.496,0:51:46.496 God, I don't know what happened[br]to me, but I feel zonked. 0:51:46.569,0:51:50.824 I've got pains all over my body.[br]Could you rub my back? 0:51:50.888,0:51:53.441 Well, go on, Jack.[br]I won't bite. 0:51:59.145,0:52:01.665 Jack, you never did it[br]like that before. 0:52:03.144,0:52:04.606 Saint Patrick. 0:52:07.081,0:52:08.903 Saint Jude. 0:52:11.048,0:52:12.477 Saint Columcille. 0:52:14.120,0:52:16.259 Saint Hocks McGorrick. 0:52:20.648,0:52:22.503 Honey! What... 0:52:24.392,0:52:26.051 Honey, what is it? 0:52:26.121,0:52:28.968 Where have you been?[br]There was a man in my bathtub! 0:52:29.032,0:52:30.690 A big giant man, gigantic... 0:52:30.760,0:52:32.670 and he's scrubbing my back,[br]and it felt good! 0:52:32.745,0:52:34.206 I should've known it wasn't you! 0:52:34.280,0:52:35.654 He had warts all over his hands! 0:52:35.721,0:52:37.444 Yeah, with warts.[br]Yeah, that's Martin. 0:52:37.512,0:52:38.941 - Who's Martin?[br]- He's a ghost. 0:52:39.017,0:52:40.610 - He's a what?[br]- He's a ghost. 0:52:40.681,0:52:42.568 He murders his wife every night.[br]Other than that... 0:52:42.632,0:52:43.876 I think he's pretty harmless,[br]sweetheart. 0:52:43.944,0:52:45.057 - Get out![br]- Honey, l... 0:52:45.129,0:52:46.339 Sweetheart, look... 0:52:46.408,0:52:48.350 Honey, you're...[br]Honey, really... 0:52:48.424,0:52:50.791 You don't understand. 0:52:50.856,0:52:52.067 Honey, we've gotta talk. 0:52:57.897,0:53:00.318 Are you OK, honey? 0:53:00.392,0:53:02.279 Do I look OK? 0:53:02.345,0:53:04.646 Not really. 0:53:18.792,0:53:20.319 What are you doing? 0:53:21.992,0:53:23.716 I have to check this place out. 0:53:25.993,0:53:28.807 Something smells[br]very wrong here. 0:53:28.873,0:53:30.466 Yes, it does. 0:53:30.536,0:53:33.853 It smells like... burnt rubber. 0:53:33.929,0:53:35.619 No, that's me. 0:53:39.560,0:53:41.731 To right, right.[br]To left, left. 0:53:41.800,0:53:43.011 Do you believe this? 0:53:43.081,0:53:44.935 Only four channels! 0:53:45.001,0:53:46.462 Cables must be unplugged. 0:53:46.536,0:53:48.325 There's no cable.[br]This is it. 0:53:48.392,0:53:50.464 I tell ya.[br]This place sucks the big one. 0:53:50.536,0:53:52.871 Fingers together... 0:53:57.032,0:53:58.941 Wendy! 0:54:00.232,0:54:01.345 Mom! 0:54:03.593,0:54:05.316 Woody! 0:54:12.552,0:54:13.665 Look at the TV, guys. 0:54:22.568,0:54:25.318 You horrible little children! 0:54:25.384,0:54:28.700 Eternity's a big commitment.[br]You know, it's a long time. 0:54:28.776,0:54:31.296 You gotta take things one step[br]at a time. That's the key. 0:54:35.336,0:54:38.118 You do love her, don't you? 0:54:38.184,0:54:40.705 Yeah, I guess I do.[br]I don't know. 0:54:40.777,0:54:42.849 What's the problem then? 0:54:42.920,0:54:43.967 She's a ghost! 0:54:44.040,0:54:47.553 She's dead. I'm alive. 0:54:47.624,0:54:48.966 How do you know all this? 0:54:49.032,0:54:51.171 I'm married to one. 0:54:55.272,0:54:59.713 Won't you join us...[br]for a drink? 0:54:59.784,0:55:02.850 Yeah, I could use a drink.[br]Yeah, sure. 0:55:07.144,0:55:09.665 Oh, dear Lord. 0:55:09.737,0:55:12.639 I do beseech thee[br]to help me in this... 0:55:12.713,0:55:15.080 my hour of need. 0:55:15.144,0:55:18.624 Oh, cleanse me of these[br]impure thoughts I have... 0:55:18.696,0:55:22.274 for this woman... Miranda. 0:55:39.176,0:55:40.551 Come on! 0:55:47.592,0:55:49.479 Oh, Lord! 0:55:49.545,0:55:51.333 I get the message! 0:55:55.624,0:55:57.533 Brother Tony. 0:56:07.689,0:56:09.477 Brother Tony,[br]are you all right? 0:57:11.720,0:57:16.128 Brother Tony,[br]what are you doing in the pool? 0:57:16.201,0:57:20.292 The Lord works[br]in mysterious ways. 0:57:20.360,0:57:24.899 True love can move mountains. 0:57:24.968,0:57:28.132 Yeah, but it can't[br]bring the dead back to life. 0:57:28.200,0:57:31.713 Yes, it can,[br]on All Hallows' Eve. 0:57:31.784,0:57:34.402 Halloween.[br]That's tomorrow night. 0:57:34.472,0:57:38.247 When the spirit moves,[br]and the flesh is willing... 0:57:38.312,0:57:44.193 and the juices flow,[br]and the skelping is mighty. 0:57:44.264,0:57:45.758 What's skelping? 0:57:45.832,0:57:48.320 It's a ghost term. 0:57:49.992,0:57:51.519 But it's dangerous. 0:57:51.592,0:57:53.828 You mustn't go too far. 0:57:53.897,0:57:55.653 What do you mean? 0:58:29.384,0:58:31.872 - Oh, it's you![br]- Whom were you expecting? 0:58:31.944,0:58:33.983 Plunkett, those fake ghosts[br]were one thing... 0:58:34.056,0:58:35.333 This is entirely different,[br]isn't it? 0:58:35.400,0:58:36.807 Is there something wrong[br]with your room? 0:58:36.872,0:58:38.279 Something wrong with my room? 0:58:38.344,0:58:39.905 What are you talking[br]about, ghosts? 0:58:39.976,0:58:41.864 - The brochure...[br]- Damn the brochure! 0:58:41.928,0:58:44.295 We're talking[br]real, live spirits here! 0:58:44.360,0:58:46.335 - How can you explain this?[br]- The weather. 0:58:46.408,0:58:48.710 Oh, come off it, will you? 0:58:48.776,0:58:51.776 Don't you understand?[br]He wants us here. 0:58:51.848,0:58:54.750 He knows it's the only way[br]he can keep this dump. 0:58:54.824,0:58:56.351 I don't know about[br]the rest of you... 0:58:56.424,0:59:00.166 but, Plunkett,[br]you haven't fooled me at all. 0:59:00.232,0:59:01.793 I've been fooled. 0:59:01.864,0:59:03.652 - Me, too.[br]- I've been very fooled. 0:59:03.720,0:59:04.865 Explain this to me. 0:59:06.888,0:59:09.059 '"A ghost may not tup[br]with a human." 0:59:09.128,0:59:11.976 So this means a ghost cannot[br]make love with a human being. 0:59:12.040,0:59:14.179 Oh, my God! 0:59:16.840,0:59:18.149 Who's Mary? 0:59:19.496,0:59:20.608 Who's this Mary? 0:59:20.680,0:59:22.054 She's a woman.[br]She's a ghost. 0:59:22.120,0:59:24.934 Don't start[br]this ghost stuff again. 0:59:25.000,0:59:26.625 - She's someone I care about.[br]- What? 0:59:26.696,0:59:28.606 It's funny how you can care.[br]I think I'm falling... 0:59:28.680,0:59:29.891 Jack, don't stand there[br]and tell me... 0:59:29.960,0:59:31.651 that you're having an affair[br]with a goddamn ghost. 0:59:31.720,0:59:32.799 Well, I am! 0:59:32.872,0:59:34.880 That's it.[br]Your lawyer, my lawyer... 0:59:34.952,0:59:36.228 and I hope the ghost[br]has a lawyer... 0:59:36.296,0:59:37.441 because I want to meet him. 0:59:37.512,0:59:39.400 Here she is![br]This is Mary. 0:59:39.464,0:59:42.311 - No, Martin![br]- Mary the ghost. 0:59:42.376,0:59:43.686 So you wee harlot! 0:59:43.752,0:59:45.213 No, Martin! 0:59:45.288,0:59:46.630 That's Martin the ghost! 0:59:46.696,0:59:48.638 That's the man[br]that was in my bathtub! 0:59:48.712,0:59:50.784 See, he's gonna come over here[br]and throw her on the bed. 0:59:50.856,0:59:53.191 - He's gigantic.[br]- That's Martin the ghost. 0:59:53.256,0:59:54.597 They're having problems[br]in their relationship. 0:59:54.664,0:59:56.486 No, Jack, we're having problems[br]in our relationship. 0:59:56.552,0:59:58.046 - Come here![br]- Honey... 0:59:58.120,0:59:59.582 You gotta see this.[br]Come on. 0:59:59.656,1:00:04.097 He's gonna run after her[br]and throw her against the wall. 1:00:04.168,1:00:05.509 There's no one! 1:00:05.576,1:00:06.885 Oh, yes, there is.[br]My husband! 1:00:06.952,1:00:09.472 Now he throws her over there.[br]This is the bad part here. 1:00:09.544,1:00:11.431 - Martin, there's no one![br]- Why don't I believe ya? 1:00:11.496,1:00:13.470 - Please, don't![br]- Honey. 1:00:13.544,1:00:15.268 - You can't just kick a ghost.[br]- Did you see that? 1:00:15.336,1:00:16.481 Now look what you did. 1:00:19.400,1:00:21.789 Wait, Mary! 1:00:24.488,1:00:26.276 I love you. 1:00:26.344,1:00:27.805 I know that. 1:00:27.880,1:00:29.702 You do? 1:00:29.768,1:00:31.623 When did you know that? 1:00:31.688,1:00:34.110 The minute I saw ya. 1:00:34.184,1:00:37.861 The minute I knew I loved you... 1:00:37.928,1:00:40.262 but your love must be true. 1:00:40.328,1:00:41.506 It is. 1:00:41.576,1:00:44.892 It must withstand all obstacles. 1:00:44.968,1:00:46.430 It will. 1:00:46.504,1:00:50.300 Oh, Mary, my darlin'.[br]What have I done to ya? 1:00:50.376,1:00:52.100 What have I done? 1:00:53.544,1:00:55.431 That was a dirty trick,[br]wasn't it? 1:00:55.496,1:00:57.732 Hey? 1:00:57.800,1:00:59.775 Kicking me[br]right in the bahoggies. 1:00:59.848,1:01:01.888 But you were gonna stab your[br]wife with a sword, you pig. 1:01:01.959,1:01:03.847 Shoot, that's no big thing.[br]I do it every night. 1:01:03.912,1:01:05.439 And I suppose watching[br]other men's wives... 1:01:05.512,1:01:08.229 in the bathtub[br]is no big deal, either. 1:01:08.296,1:01:11.013 I'm sure it's a grand thing[br]if the wife happens to be you. 1:01:12.616,1:01:14.526 You dirty peeping tom. 1:01:14.600,1:01:16.901 Me name is not Thomas.[br]It's Martin. 1:01:16.967,1:01:21.277 Oh, Mary.[br]I'm sorry, darlin'. 1:01:21.352,1:01:23.240 What have I done to ya? 1:01:26.152,1:01:27.559 Oh, God. 1:01:27.623,1:01:28.900 Here, give us[br]a wee scub before... 1:01:28.968,1:01:30.495 No, not again. 1:01:30.568,1:01:33.317 You're a wily vixen,[br]aren't ya? 1:01:33.383,1:01:36.198 Oh, Lord, what have I done? 1:01:36.263,1:01:38.052 Oh, God, what have I done? 1:01:38.120,1:01:42.627 Oh, God, what a woman. 1:01:42.696,1:01:46.852 You're not so bad yourself. 1:01:50.024,1:01:51.234 What's skelping? 1:01:51.304,1:01:53.311 Skelping. 1:01:55.111,1:01:56.934 This is skelping. 1:02:29.000,1:02:30.942 That's nasty. 1:02:31.016,1:02:32.325 It wasn't nice? 1:02:33.863,1:02:35.424 It was nice. 1:02:35.496,1:02:37.951 It was very, very nice. 1:02:40.264,1:02:42.882 Hold on, Mary.[br]Wait a minute. 1:02:42.952,1:02:46.051 You can't just skelp me[br]and leave me. 1:02:46.120,1:02:47.843 Can't help it. 1:02:47.911,1:02:49.570 Skelping takes[br]a lot out of you. 1:02:49.640,1:02:52.160 Look, Mary, l... 1:02:52.232,1:02:56.007 I'll be in the chamber[br]midnight tomorrow. 1:03:04.264,1:03:08.737 So what's wrong[br]with the Americans? 1:03:08.808,1:03:13.063 What's wrong[br]with these Americans? 1:03:13.127,1:03:15.396 One night[br]they're desperate to leave... 1:03:15.464,1:03:18.627 the next night[br]you can't get rid of them. 1:03:18.696,1:03:20.899 One day they hate the whiting... 1:03:20.968,1:03:24.644 the next day, they have[br]to have all five courses. 1:03:24.712,1:03:26.272 When you break your back... 1:03:26.344,1:03:28.548 to give them the ghosts[br]you thought they wanted... 1:03:28.616,1:03:31.005 they scream at you, and when[br]you throw the towel in... 1:03:31.080,1:03:32.989 they scream even louder. 1:03:33.064,1:03:36.031 They see spooks everywhere... 1:03:36.104,1:03:40.447 spooks in the bathroom,[br]spooks under the bed. 1:03:40.519,1:03:43.334 Don't they know[br]when the joke is over? 1:03:45.128,1:03:47.168 They cower well enough. 1:03:50.536,1:03:52.870 What is going on here? 1:03:52.936,1:03:58.533 Eamon, why are chunks[br]of masonry floating about? 1:04:21.608,1:04:22.852 Mr. Plunkett... 1:04:24.167,1:04:26.655 I think there's some people[br]want to have a word with you. 1:04:26.728,1:04:27.840 Who? 1:04:29.288,1:04:31.655 Grand Uncle Peter.[br]Grand Aunt Nan. 1:04:33.896,1:04:35.652 Granny Joyce and her sister. 1:04:37.544,1:04:39.038 Her half-sister. 1:04:39.112,1:04:41.119 Not to mention... 1:04:43.400,1:04:44.512 your daddy. 1:04:44.583,1:04:46.209 But he's dead! 1:04:46.280,1:04:48.167 I know. 1:04:48.232,1:04:50.785 He looks terrible angry, too. 1:04:50.855,1:04:52.644 I have a perfect right to be... 1:04:52.711,1:04:54.948 considering what you have done[br]to our ancestral home. 1:04:55.016,1:04:56.292 Father! 1:04:59.304,1:05:01.725 Let us in! 1:05:03.720,1:05:05.793 Do you really think[br]you could get away from me? 1:05:05.863,1:05:08.319 Leave me alone.[br]You're dead. 1:05:08.392,1:05:11.206 Not so dead I can't see[br]what a numbskull you are. 1:05:11.272,1:05:13.410 Oh, fine! 1:05:13.479,1:05:15.105 Call me names! 1:05:15.176,1:05:16.517 That's so easy. 1:05:16.584,1:05:18.918 Well, for God's sake,[br]look at you. 1:05:18.983,1:05:20.510 What did you ever[br]give me this place for? 1:05:20.584,1:05:22.689 You knew I was an incompetent. 1:05:22.760,1:05:25.411 All I wanted to be[br]was happily useless. 1:05:25.480,1:05:28.382 You made me miserably useless[br]giving me this place... 1:05:28.456,1:05:31.619 baths to run,[br]bills to be paid... 1:05:31.688,1:05:35.070 and then dying on me[br]just like that! 1:05:36.583,1:05:38.307 Most people[br]give some warning, you know... 1:05:38.376,1:05:40.710 premature senility,[br]angina, gout... 1:05:40.775,1:05:43.841 bed-ridden for years...[br]but not you, oh, no. 1:05:43.911,1:05:46.759 Healthy as an old goat, you pop[br]off one day in the orchard... 1:05:46.823,1:05:48.514 and what then? 1:05:48.584,1:05:53.123 Not a goddamn word,[br]not a whisper. 1:05:54.888,1:06:00.671 Did it never occur to you[br]that I might need some advice? 1:06:00.744,1:06:04.518 That I might miss you? 1:06:04.584,1:06:07.583 Peter, I never thought... 1:06:07.655,1:06:11.779 It's true... you old goat. 1:06:11.847,1:06:13.986 I missed you, Daddy. 1:06:14.056,1:06:18.529 Give your daddy a hug. 1:06:28.328,1:06:29.920 Sorry, Peter. 1:06:34.600,1:06:36.388 They will be back tonight. 1:06:36.455,1:06:38.343 It is All Hallows' Eve. 1:06:38.408,1:06:41.572 If you see anything,[br]just ignore it completely. 1:06:41.640,1:06:43.266 Just pretend[br]that it didn't happen. 1:06:43.336,1:06:45.539 Have you got that? 1:06:54.631,1:06:56.224 I don't hear anything, do you? 1:07:00.488,1:07:03.106 Don't you just love whiting? 1:07:22.312,1:07:23.905 Madam. 1:07:26.023,1:07:28.227 For you I missed my wedding[br]for the first time in years... 1:07:28.295,1:07:29.408 that's how much I want you. 1:07:29.480,1:07:31.268 And sure, I know I'm a ghost... 1:07:31.335,1:07:34.205 and a murderer,[br]but forget about all that. 1:07:34.280,1:07:36.963 Listen.[br]Tonight's All Hallows' Eve... 1:07:37.031,1:07:39.715 the one night in the year[br]that I turn to flesh... 1:07:39.784,1:07:43.428 so what do you say[br]to a wee bit of skelping? 1:07:47.464,1:07:48.990 Come on. 1:07:49.063,1:07:50.886 At least tell me your name. 1:08:03.784,1:08:05.474 Lady, I've got[br]the best bahoggies... 1:08:05.543,1:08:07.715 from here to Ballinderry. 1:08:07.784,1:08:11.842 Come on. What do you say?[br]Let's give it a twirl. 1:08:11.911,1:08:13.340 Drop dead. 1:08:13.415,1:08:15.782 Oh, God. What a woman. 1:08:42.727,1:08:48.292 '"He who tups with the spirit[br]finds only the grave... 1:08:48.359,1:08:51.808 '"but the virtuous heart[br]true love will save." 1:08:53.479,1:08:57.952 '"He who tups with the spirt[br]finds only the grave... 1:08:58.023,1:09:02.147 '"but the virtuous heart[br]true love will save." 1:09:26.152,1:09:27.581 Some whiskey over here, please. 1:09:27.656,1:09:29.345 Aye, the whiskey. 1:09:29.415,1:09:30.942 Relax, everybody. 1:09:31.015,1:09:32.225 Take it easy. 1:09:32.295,1:09:34.946 They won't come into a bar,[br]would they? 1:09:35.015,1:09:36.160 They don't drink whiskey. 1:09:36.231,1:09:37.344 - Who?[br]- Spirits. 1:09:37.416,1:09:39.969 - How the hell would I know?[br]- The Irish ones do. 1:09:40.040,1:09:41.894 - He says the Irish ones do.[br]- Don't. 1:09:41.960,1:09:45.189 Do they or don't they?[br]You don't shaggin' know, do you? 1:09:45.256,1:09:47.711 It may be no more[br]than a local disturbance 1:09:47.783,1:09:49.189 in the extraplaner ether. 1:09:49.255,1:09:50.399 Ether, me bollocks. 1:09:50.470,1:09:52.478 A supernatural belch,[br]you know what I'm talking about? 1:09:55.048,1:09:57.317 Hey! Drinks all around! 1:09:57.383,1:10:00.100 - What's that?[br]- It's none of it! No! 1:10:00.167,1:10:02.272 Where's your ectoplasm now? 1:10:07.559,1:10:08.868 Did you... 1:10:08.935,1:10:10.594 It took the hurricane. 1:10:46.599,1:10:48.486 What in the name of God is that? 1:10:48.551,1:10:50.788 Dad, it's a submarine! 1:10:52.103,1:10:55.583 Well, what's that[br]shaggin' thing on top of it? 1:10:55.655,1:10:57.662 It's a giant squid! 1:10:59.111,1:11:00.388 Get off me! 1:11:00.455,1:11:03.903 Yea, though I walk[br]through the valley of death... 1:11:03.976,1:11:06.976 I shall fear no evil[br]for thou art with me. 1:11:07.048,1:11:08.454 Mom! 1:11:15.559,1:11:17.664 Thy rod and thy staff[br]they will comfort me! 1:11:22.631,1:11:23.743 Save the child! 1:11:37.031,1:11:38.209 Heave! 1:11:38.280,1:11:39.556 Mom! 1:11:41.031,1:11:43.006 Heave! 1:11:45.415,1:11:46.560 Tug and heave! 1:11:48.488,1:11:50.855 - Heave![br]- Let's get him! 1:11:57.031,1:11:58.819 Mom! 1:12:03.399,1:12:04.511 Look! 1:12:05.927,1:12:07.334 She's movin' on. 1:12:07.399,1:12:09.374 She's movin' on 1:12:10.439,1:12:12.195 Thank goodness. 1:12:12.263,1:12:15.297 It's a bloody good thing[br]we ignored it, huh? 1:12:51.911,1:12:53.318 Hello. 1:12:54.535,1:12:56.095 Hello. 1:12:59.655,1:13:03.004 Oh, God, you're real. 1:13:08.263,1:13:10.303 Having fun? 1:13:10.375,1:13:12.230 It's gotten totally[br]out of control here. 1:13:12.295,1:13:14.051 I'm afraid I've been[br]with my family. 1:13:14.119,1:13:15.942 Is the roof leaking? 1:13:16.007,1:13:18.789 You have no idea[br]what it was like here. 1:13:20.167,1:13:21.509 Did we just tup? 1:13:21.575,1:13:23.135 No, but it's not too far off. 1:13:23.207,1:13:25.280 Right. 1:13:25.351,1:13:27.489 Hey, how about some champagne? 1:13:27.559,1:13:31.269 A little champagne to get our[br]mind off the old you-know-what. 1:13:31.335,1:13:33.375 All right? 1:13:33.447,1:13:35.356 I usually mess this up. 1:13:41.639,1:13:43.614 Drink to me, only,[br]with thine eyes... 1:13:43.688,1:13:46.535 and I will pledge with mine; 1:13:46.599,1:13:48.606 or leave a kiss[br]within the cup... 1:13:48.679,1:13:51.101 and I'll not ask for wine. 1:13:51.175,1:13:54.241 That was so beautiful.[br]Who wrote it? 1:13:54.311,1:13:56.133 Ben Johnson. 1:13:56.199,1:13:59.396 Ben Johnson. 1:14:00.711,1:14:04.868 You know, whenever I hear[br]Ben's material... 1:14:04.935,1:14:07.969 it just makes me think[br]about you-know-what. 1:14:08.039,1:14:11.651 I'm sorry.[br]I'm really sorry. 1:14:11.719,1:14:13.661 - Quote me something.[br]- Quote? 1:14:13.735,1:14:15.012 Anything to keep[br]our minds off... 1:14:15.079,1:14:18.046 You-know-what.[br]Right, a quote. 1:14:21.607,1:14:24.902 There ain't nothin' in the world[br]like a big-eyed girl... 1:14:24.968,1:14:28.994 to make me act so funny,[br]make me spend my money. 1:14:29.063,1:14:33.023 Makes me feel real loose,[br]like a long-necked goose. 1:14:35.015,1:14:36.903 Oh, baby, that's what I like. 1:14:38.791,1:14:40.613 That's so... 1:14:40.679,1:14:41.857 Who wrote that? 1:14:41.927,1:14:43.651 The Big Bopper. 1:14:43.719,1:14:45.060 Maybe you know him.[br]He's dead, too. 1:14:47.175,1:14:48.669 Are you sure they're gone? 1:14:48.743,1:14:51.907 - Everyone, stay behind me.[br]- Stay behind him. 1:14:51.975,1:14:53.982 I have to check this place out. 1:14:54.055,1:14:56.160 Every inch of it...[br]castle, grounds. 1:14:56.231,1:14:58.849 - It's kind of scary...[br]- Quiet! 1:14:58.919,1:15:00.829 The Plunkett ancestors... 1:15:00.903,1:15:03.074 - Check outside.[br]- They're rather unapproachable. 1:15:13.959,1:15:16.479 Sir Jack, I'm in me cups. 1:15:16.551,1:15:18.820 No, it's nothing. 1:15:18.887,1:15:20.709 I'm really drunk. 1:15:22.343,1:15:23.717 - No, we mustn't.[br]- Right. 1:15:23.783,1:15:25.441 We should just be friends. 1:15:37.927,1:15:39.356 Go! 1:15:42.695,1:15:45.029 Halt! 1:15:45.095,1:15:46.437 Go! 1:15:46.503,1:15:47.997 How beautiful the night looks. 1:15:48.071,1:15:50.406 I'm having the time of my life. 1:16:02.855,1:16:05.921 Isn't it beautiful? 1:16:05.991,1:16:08.130 Not as beautiful as you. 1:16:12.423,1:16:13.830 Will ya hold on. 1:16:13.895,1:16:15.684 Listen to the paracyclist! 1:16:16.775,1:16:20.899 I formally declare this[br]a spirit-free zone! 1:16:25.543,1:16:31.239 If you ever go[br]across the sea to Ireland 1:16:31.303,1:16:36.867 Then maybe at[br]the closing of the day 1:16:46.023,1:16:48.030 Oh, God. 1:16:48.103,1:16:49.565 I'm not tupping. 1:16:50.599,1:16:53.054 I'm not tupping, right? 1:16:53.127,1:16:55.232 This is somewhere... 1:16:55.303,1:16:57.791 between a skelp[br]and a tup, right? 1:16:59.047,1:17:04.230 The women in the meadow[br]making hay 1:17:04.295,1:17:10.437 Just to sit beside[br]a turf fire in the cabin 1:17:10.503,1:17:16.449 And watch the sun[br]go down on Galway Bay 1:17:16.519,1:17:19.333 On Galway... 1:17:21.415,1:17:23.454 Holy God,[br]that's my shaggin' bus! 1:17:23.527,1:17:25.567 It shouldn't be happenin'. 1:17:27.815,1:17:29.376 Somebody's brought it here. 1:17:29.447,1:17:31.486 Where's Jack? 1:17:41.511,1:17:43.005 No, Jack. 1:17:43.079,1:17:44.388 - OK.[br]- Stop. 1:17:44.455,1:17:46.211 We mustn't. 1:17:46.279,1:17:47.740 - We can't![br]- We can't. 1:17:47.815,1:17:49.506 - It's not right.[br]- I know. 1:17:49.575,1:17:50.785 Oh, that's nice. 1:17:50.855,1:17:52.677 Yeah... I mean... 1:17:52.743,1:17:55.132 - No, stop![br]- All right. 1:17:55.207,1:17:57.596 Don't listen to me, Jack.[br]Go on. 1:18:01.511,1:18:03.966 Sharon, I love thee! 1:18:04.039,1:18:06.243 And tonight's the holy night! 1:18:06.311,1:18:09.660 Oh, Sharon, I love thee! 1:18:09.735,1:18:11.709 No, Jack![br]Remember our promise? 1:18:12.775,1:18:14.662 We can't. 1:18:14.727,1:18:16.417 A little to the right. 1:18:16.486,1:18:17.664 - There?[br]- That's good. 1:18:18.663,1:18:20.637 You for me. 1:18:20.711,1:18:23.166 Come here, me lovely dearie.[br]Come here to me! 1:18:25.191,1:18:26.303 Where are ya? 1:18:29.191,1:18:31.046 Sharon, wait! 1:18:31.111,1:18:33.958 - I love you, Jack.[br]- I love you, Mary. 1:18:50.599,1:18:53.566 Actually, you look[br]very like my mother. 1:18:53.639,1:18:55.908 Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. 1:18:55.975,1:18:57.982 Oh, Lord, please save[br]this beautiful creature... 1:18:58.055,1:18:59.713 from these demons. 1:18:59.782,1:19:04.092 If a life must be taken,[br]take mine. 1:19:05.446,1:19:07.007 Oh, yea, though I walk... 1:19:07.079,1:19:08.224 through the valley[br]of the shadow of death. 1:19:08.295,1:19:09.440 Brother Tony! 1:19:09.511,1:19:11.104 Where are you going,[br]Brother Tony? 1:19:11.175,1:19:13.990 I shall fear no evil[br]for thou art with me! 1:19:15.046,1:19:18.658 My God, Jack.[br]We shouldn't have. 1:19:20.647,1:19:23.942 Mary, that was something. 1:19:37.990,1:19:39.070 Where are you? 1:19:39.142,1:19:40.735 Sharon, this isn't[br]a joke anymore. 1:19:42.247,1:19:44.897 Saint Hocks McGorrick, wait! 1:19:56.103,1:19:58.558 Mary, what's happened? 1:19:58.631,1:20:03.420 It's the powers, Jack.[br]I'm 200 years old. 1:20:13.127,1:20:16.476 He who tups with a spirit,[br]tups with the grave. 1:20:17.607,1:20:19.330 What do you mean? 1:20:20.934,1:20:22.309 Help me! 1:20:28.775,1:20:32.703 Jack, just tell me you love me.[br]Make it all right. 1:20:32.775,1:20:34.335 But you're not Mary.[br]You're a corpse. 1:20:34.407,1:20:36.895 Now, don't do this to me,[br]darlin'. 1:20:36.967,1:20:38.560 Get away from me. 1:20:38.631,1:20:39.743 Help! 1:20:39.815,1:20:41.670 Oh, bollocks! 1:20:43.079,1:20:45.981 Holy Jesus! 1:20:50.215,1:20:52.549 - Hi, Marty.[br]- Where's the wife? 1:20:54.151,1:20:55.939 Not mine, ya dolt.[br]Yours. 1:20:56.935,1:20:59.324 I'm being followed[br]by a U.F. O! 1:21:00.806,1:21:01.984 You can't get so excited. 1:21:02.055,1:21:03.135 You think I don't know[br]what's going on? 1:21:03.207,1:21:06.687 - Excited? A bus...[br]- Come here, me lovely! 1:21:09.159,1:21:10.468 Hey there, Mary. 1:21:10.535,1:21:12.444 We were just playin' around,[br]darlin', you know? 1:21:14.567,1:21:16.901 You threw me over for this? 1:21:19.879,1:21:21.286 I mean, I knew you liked[br]passive women, Jack... 1:21:21.351,1:21:22.813 but she's half-dead. 1:21:22.886,1:21:25.123 I hope she has a great[br]personality, because this hurts. 1:21:25.191,1:21:26.718 At least she said she loved me. 1:21:26.791,1:21:27.968 That's a lot more[br]than you ever did. 1:21:28.038,1:21:29.413 I love you, Jack. I do. 1:21:29.479,1:21:32.959 Ya wee harlot, I'll kill ya. 1:21:33.030,1:21:36.194 She's looks dead enough already.[br]Please, don't start that. 1:21:37.990,1:21:39.845 Oh, Jack.[br]Your wife's some woman. 1:21:39.910,1:21:41.798 So's yours. 1:21:41.863,1:21:43.041 So was yours. 1:21:45.383,1:21:46.560 Where are you going? 1:21:49.799,1:21:51.261 I was just kidding. 1:21:51.334,1:21:53.058 You were made for each other. 1:21:53.127,1:21:55.876 You look great.[br]You really do. 1:21:57.863,1:21:59.389 Bye, Mary. 1:21:59.462,1:22:02.724 Sorry for the last 200 years,[br]darlin'. 1:22:02.790,1:22:06.751 Jack, you said[br]you'd love me forever. 1:22:08.071,1:22:09.500 I know. 1:22:09.574,1:22:11.003 Mary, I just... 1:22:11.078,1:22:13.380 You were so different then. 1:22:13.447,1:22:16.796 Only on the outside, Jack. 1:22:16.871,1:22:19.107 Inside I'm the same. 1:22:19.174,1:22:23.714 Yeah, I know.[br]I know looks aren't everything. 1:22:23.783,1:22:24.993 I'm in here, Jack. 1:22:25.063,1:22:27.746 It's just that they[br]can help so much when you... 1:22:27.814,1:22:30.084 - Kiss me.[br]- Kiss you? 1:22:31.111,1:22:33.216 Maybe we should get[br]some moisturizer. 1:22:33.287,1:22:35.359 - Kiss me, Jack.[br]- Or some medical supervision. 1:22:35.430,1:22:36.991 One last time. 1:22:40.615,1:22:42.916 Please, Jack. 1:22:51.335,1:22:53.244 Stop, let me catch my breath. 1:22:53.318,1:22:54.845 Martin, where are you? 1:22:59.334,1:23:00.643 Martin, wait! 1:23:00.710,1:23:02.369 Don't go! 1:23:06.118,1:23:08.540 How the hell[br]did you get up there? 1:23:08.615,1:23:10.590 No, don't go, Martin![br]No, wait! 1:23:26.470,1:23:28.739 I'm in here, love! 1:23:28.806,1:23:30.497 Martin, where are you? 1:23:33.638,1:23:36.954 Oh, Sharon,[br]you do love me, don't ya? 1:23:37.030,1:23:39.518 You do love me, Sir Jack. 1:23:40.870,1:23:42.561 Then look at me. 1:23:44.839,1:23:46.977 Well, then, be with me forever. 1:23:47.046,1:23:48.770 Any way you want it. 1:24:17.798,1:24:19.205 Oh, my God. 1:24:22.566,1:24:25.436 What have I done? 1:24:27.239,1:24:29.246 You weren't meant for this. 1:24:29.318,1:24:31.205 I didn't want this to happen. 1:24:31.271,1:24:33.605 Oh, God. 1:24:44.998,1:24:46.908 Forever, Jack. 1:25:01.031,1:25:02.241 You're alive. 1:25:02.310,1:25:03.804 Aye. 1:25:16.614,1:25:19.003 What do you mean I'm dead? 1:25:19.079,1:25:22.854 Now, take my word for it. 1:25:22.919,1:25:24.512 You're just saying that... 1:25:24.583,1:25:26.557 so you can have[br]your wicked way with me. 1:25:26.630,1:25:27.841 If you weren't dead[br]I wouldn't be able... 1:25:27.911,1:25:29.154 to have my way with you. 1:25:30.758,1:25:32.351 This is ridiculous. 1:25:40.647,1:25:44.476 You can't hide from me. 1:25:44.550,1:25:45.924 I've got to find you. 1:25:45.990,1:25:47.234 That's right! 1:25:49.702,1:25:52.069 You can't fool me. 1:25:52.134,1:25:53.411 They're gone. 1:25:53.479,1:25:56.992 - Here, file that.[br]- Malcolm, they're gone. 1:25:57.063,1:25:58.524 They're not gone. 1:26:34.022,1:26:35.964 Brother Tony,[br]you forgot your collar. 1:26:36.038,1:26:37.794 No, he didn't.[br]He threw it away. 1:26:37.862,1:26:39.651 Didn't you, baby? 1:26:45.319,1:26:47.141 I'm only human. 1:26:49.350,1:26:51.238 Here we are. 1:26:51.302,1:26:53.157 Mr. Plunkett, single-handedly[br]the worst vacation... 1:26:53.222,1:26:54.400 that I've ever experienced[br]in my life. 1:26:54.471,1:26:55.551 Thank you, Mr. Clay. 1:26:55.623,1:26:57.281 However, I'll be recommending[br]Castle Plunkett... 1:26:57.351,1:27:00.384 as the most haunted castle[br]in the Western Hemisphere. 1:27:00.454,1:27:02.243 I hope that helps you[br]with your business. 1:27:02.310,1:27:04.165 - Too kind.[br]- I second that. 1:27:04.230,1:27:05.408 Most gracious. 1:27:10.791,1:27:12.613 - Bye.[br]- See ya. 1:27:19.302,1:27:21.026 They're gone, dear. 1:27:30.247,1:27:33.094 Come on in. I'll make you[br]a nice fish sandwich. 1:27:55.238,1:27:58.206 I cannot thank you enough,[br]Sir Jack, for deciding to stay. 1:27:58.279,1:28:00.482 Hey, where am I gonna go, right? 1:28:00.550,1:28:01.860 Listen, Mary. 1:28:01.927,1:28:04.098 When are you gonna[br]stop calling me "Sir"? 1:28:04.166,1:28:05.955 Sorry, I can't help it. 1:28:06.022,1:28:08.739 Maybe when you[br]decide to marry me. 1:28:08.806,1:28:10.431 Are you asking? 1:28:10.502,1:28:15.172 My wife's hardly dead, and it[br]was such a horrible death. 1:28:15.238,1:28:16.962 Maybe we could wait[br]a couple of centuries. 1:28:22.791,1:28:25.573 We booked the hall till 12:00.[br]How about a little privacy? 1:28:25.638,1:28:28.420 The day is for the living, Jack. 1:28:28.486,1:28:30.494 The night is for the dead. 1:28:32.198,1:28:33.343 How's the corpse? 1:28:33.414,1:28:35.105 Pretty good.[br]How's the psycho? 1:28:35.175,1:28:36.701 A pussycat. 1:28:36.774,1:28:37.952 So was the trip worth it, Jack? 1:28:38.022,1:28:40.804 Yeah. She thinks I'm brilliant. 1:28:40.870,1:28:43.740 Mary, you've put on a wee bit[br]of flesh since I last saw ya. 1:28:43.815,1:28:45.603 I'm not gettin' stabbed[br]every night, Martin. 1:28:45.670,1:28:47.525 Mary, it hurt me[br]more than it hurt you. 1:28:47.590,1:28:49.729 Go on now with it. 1:28:49.798,1:28:52.100 So how's the Yank? 1:28:52.166,1:28:54.271 He takes me shoppin'. 1:28:54.342,1:28:55.935 Come here to me. 1:28:56.006,1:28:59.967 My love.[br]My reason for dying. 1:29:00.038,1:29:03.038 How'd she ever learn[br]to dance like that? 1:29:03.111,1:29:05.477 Happiness, Sir Jack. 1:29:05.542,1:29:08.160 Yeah, happiness.